Unexpected
by Oparu
Summary: Response to a challenge on Command Dynamics. Just before the Lanteans send them home, Sheppard and Weir wake up together on an alien planet. The war with the Replicators begins after they retake the city and find out Elizabeth is pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

Her head hurt. Throbbing with the kind of itchy-eyed cotton feeling that reminded her too much of her days at college. When she lifted her head it responded by threatening to spin entirely out of reach. Her eyelids opened slowly, feeling like the tissues beneath were too swollen to fit inside her head.

Someone beside her grunted and fabric rustled beneath a body. A body that wasn't hers. Weir's hand searched her left side for the person who must be next to her. It collided with flesh. Warm, breathing flesh. Jumping up in surprise was a mistake that immediately made her pounding skull threaten to explode that much quicker. Her moan of pain brought a sound of response. A curse, and then something she understood.

"Where's my pants?" Sheppard sat up next to her with a groan that matched her own headache. He caught the hand she'd tossed so carelessly onto his chest. It was a woman's hand. What was he doing with a woman? He didn't remember a woman. If he'd been with someone, he really should remember. He took the hand in his and tried to place it. It was lovely. The arm attached it curved back to a shoulder that lead up to hair he knew. Dark, curling hair spread out on the pillow next to him. His heart tightened cold in his chest. He'd finally been stupid enough to do it. He'd pushed her too far.

Weir pulled the alien blanket up over her chest and failed to contain her blush. "What?"

Sheppard yawned and stretched painfully. He forced his heart to relax as he wondered how he'd take the blame. His head and stomach argued between themselves over who was going to lodge their protest first. His eyes found the light from the small window in the wall and lodged their complaints as well. The sun was bright, far too cheerful for his headache. "I can't say I've even seen this side of you doctor." Sheppard crawled lazily out of bed in search of his clothes. "You look good in-" His sense of humor was the only sense responding. "Nothing-"

Dr. Weir's lips were tight in a mortified line. "Colonel-"

"Yes ma'am." He found his clothing in a neat pile on a roughly hewn wooden stool by the wall. "Sorry ma'am." Tossing a glance back over his shoulder he started a fresh rush of color across her face. "Don't know what got into me."

She turned away, politely averted her eyes as he pulled on his clothing. She'd already seen enough of his naked back to have her imagination running wild without her. What had they done? Together, naked, in a bed on an alien planet- "Are we still on M9G-327?" The code slipped slowly into her mind as she heard the clip of his belt from the other side of the room.

Sheppard developed a strong interest in his watch and the smooth plaster wall in front of him. "It's the morning after- Friday- we were at that party, that spring festival you insist-"

"Suggested," Weir corrected as she found her own clothes in an identical pile just to the left of his. The sheet trailed on the cool wooden floor beneath her feet. "I suggested we attend their spring festival."

"With the Ceolans." He checked his vest for his armaments, and, reasonably satisfied, slapped his sunglasses over his aching eyes. "That I remember. Pretty good food, dancing, all that music-" Turning to quickly, he caught a glimpse of the smooth muscles of her stomach as she pulled her red shirt down to her BDU pants.

Smiling in spite of the rolling feeling in his stomach, he shrugged. "I guess we'd better find the others and find out what we-' He paused slightly, his thoughts hidden behind his sunglasses.

"Did?" Weir's eyebrow's shot up momentarily. "We didn't do-"

"We got drunk." Sheppard opened the door and peered warily into the hallway. The torches on the wall weren't lit during the day, but he remembered them last night. The hint of burning reeds in the air brought a flash of Elizabeth dancing with him. Laughing as he brought her another mug. "I remember beer."

Weir caught his arm for balance and released it immediately. Biting her lip nervously she conquered the complaints of her stomach for the moment. "I don't remember much else-"

The Great Hall, the Ceolans' village center was mostly deserted. A few older children were still straightening up from the night's festivities, but no other adults were in sight.

His friends giggled behind them, but their smiles were friendly. Slow-moving, slightly hung-over adults must all part of the festival. Weir's aching head brought up an image of her parents after her father had received an especially prestigious award. Her mother clinging to her cup of coffee like a lifeline at the table over breakfast as her father ate plain toast with orange juice and avoided speaking.

The bright morning sunshine dug into her eyes like sharpened daggers. Sheppard tugged her back inside while they searched for his reserve pair of sunglasses. "Sorry," he added sheepishly as he found them in one of the rear pockets of his vest. "Should've warned you."

They ambled slowly out of the Great Hall. The smell of wood smoke tickled their memories of the night before, but nothing concrete came to mind. Some of the children offered them bowls and breakfast. Sheppard accepted some dark bread. The smell of the porridge sent her stomach reeling, but Weir managed a slight smile as she pulled him away from the younger children and a comfortable seat on the dry ground. "Colonel, we should be returning home."

"Before we get in any more trouble," Sheppard quipped as he passed up the idea of breakfast. He let his mind wander over the distinctly terrifying and slightly intriguing idea of what they had been doing the night before. Had they? Would they? Even if they were intoxicated out of their minds?

Shrugging to the kids, he nodded his agreement and took his place at her side. After all, that was why he'd come on this mission. To watch her conduct the trade negotiations with the Ceolans and see how it was done. That and he only let her bring one guard. He could have sent one of the marines, but the rest of his team had some kind of science project that negotiating was infinitely better than.

Walking in silence over the dirt pathway to the gate, she wondered if he could remember something she couldn't.

"I had a buddy of mine go to sleep drunk in a dog kennel."

"I'm sorry?" Weir drifted back to his story apologetically. "What were you saying?"

"He got drunk, went to sleep in a dog kennel. We found him in the morning, curled up like a big puppy in the corner." He looked up at the trees, listening to the wind in the pines. "I guess you had to be there-" He fidgeted with a stick she hadn't seen him pick up. "It was funny."

"I believe you." Listening to his feet comforted her as his boots scuffed the dirt half a step behind her own. "Do you think we-? Do you remember kissing-"

Sheppard's feet stopped a moment after hers. His shoulder hit the back of hers and a shiver ran down her spine. "I remember when you kissed me in the city." Snapping his twig in his hands, he grinned for a moment. "That was nice."

"But not-" The flush of hot blood ran through her face. For a moment she had to swallow a nervous giggle. "More recently?"

"Last night more recently?" Sheppard found a new twig and twirled it over in his hands. "Nope." He stared at her without his usual bravado, with a softness in his eyes. "That I would remember. I promise."

The shiver returned with a rush. "Okay."

"Okay." He caught her elbow, dragging her back towards the gate. "Time to go home."


	2. home

"Are ye feeling all right otherwise?" Dr. Beckett set down his post-mission physical report on his desk. "Just under the weather a bit? Dehydration can be a nasty business."

"I'm all right." Weir took a long, slow sip of water, hearing the ice clink against the plastic. "Do you know what was in the samples of the beer we brought back?"

"So far not much out of the ordinary-" He shrugged politely. "I know it's not in yer nature to let your hair down and run wild in the streets, but I hear there's a lot to be said for atmosphere."

"Atmosphere?" She finished her water and accepted another glass.

"Ye know, dancin' and carryin' on. Sheppard said it really was quite a lovely party." Beckett grinned and winked at her. "Wants to go back next month. Might go with him."

Weir shook her head slowly. "I'll take that under advisement." The slightest rise in her eyebrow belied her amusement. Thank you doctor. I'll see you at the mission briefing tomorrow."

"Aye, I do have to attend those, don't I?" His eyes glimmered in amusement for a moment. "Unless I can convince you that my knowledge of the way you woke up this morning is worth a little R and R-"

"Tomorrow doctor." Weir patted his shoulder and fled the infirmary.

She settled into her chair with her coffee. Carson had insisted on water, even suggested orange juice, but it was hard to break from coffee. People passing beneath her office headed for the cafeteria. Lunch still didn't seem like a good idea so she attempted her work. The glare of her laptop only added to her headache. Barely through the first page of Zalenka's report on why exotic particles would prevent them from ever using alternate universes to recharge the ZPM, the knock startled her away from her reading.

"Hey- am I uh-" John stared down at his boots, forcibly keeping his hands at his sides. His stiffness belied his discomfort as he finally looked up. "Interrupting something?"

"Just a report I can assure you I have the wrong doctorate to understand." Rubbing her temples slowly as she looked up, Weir managed to smile weakly. "I knew I should have gone into astrophysics."

"You could be down there, in the lab with McKay." **desk, echoing** her smile faintly as he tried to find a place for his stupid hands. "Wouldn't that be **something?** You two, saving the day together."

Shuddering slightly, Weir closed her laptop. "Maybe wading through the reports isn't so bad after all." Clinging to her coffee cup instead, she leaned back in her chair. "How's your head?"

"Like the day after graduation." He settled gratefully into a chair across from her. One of the trinkets from her desk making its way into his hands. "Except that I'm old-older than I was, and I guess my liver doesn't want to play."

"It's been a long time since I felt like this." She traded him a cup for her hand-carved statue. "I don't know if I even want to put a date on it." Pulling her elbows in towards her chest, Weir tried to put her concerns out of her mind. "Do you remember anything?"

Sheppard took a gulp of coffee and shook his head. "I don't really. Maybe bits and pieces. Dinner was good."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, just like Simon, men always remembered if their food was good. "We danced-" Releasing her cup, she settled back in her chair. Her fingers found each other and settled on the desk.

A curl of dark hair brushed past her ear, and he remembered it touching his face. He remembered her in his arms, the warmth of her body when he asked her to dance. "Maybe that's how it-" He shouldn't be looking at her lips. That delightful little curl on the right was not what he should be noticing. "How we-" He tightened his eyebrows. "If we even-" John's eyes crashed to the floor.

"Slept together." Her words hung like a flag in the air. Fluttering before they hung still between them.

His chair squeaked as he jumped back from her desk. "Yeah, there's that."

"I can't tell you I remember being with you." Tilting her head thoughtfully, Elizabeth watched him struggle behind his eyes. John's hair was still a mess from the morning. She wondered if he'd even combed it. Maybe he just ran his fingers through it and went on with the day. What did it feel like? Would she remember touching it someday?

John tried to relax, letting the tension out of his shoulders as much as he could. Pulling his chair back to its place as he forced himself to look at her without seeing her naked shoulders rise above the blanket. "But you can't say that you don't."

"You're right." Elizabeth leaned forward, leaving the back of her chair to be closer to him. "I can't say either way." Her fingers rubbed tension out of the back of her neck. "I wish I could. Carson said we might remember."

Quickly tapping his foot on the floor, John contradicted her. "We might not."

"I want to ask you something," Leaving her chair to circle to his side of the desk, Elizabeth perched on the edge. "Promise me you'll tell me, if you remember. Even if you don't think I'll-"

His gaze burned through her doubts. "I'd tell you." Standing up brought him dangerously close to her. He remembered the smell of her hair from that morning. Shrugging the desire to grab her shoulders and kiss her until he remembered. "I'll be mortified because you're my boss and I-" If he moved half a step forward they'd be touching. "But I'd tell you."

If she reached up and grabbed his head she could kiss him. With the wetness of his lips against hers, and the pulse of his neck beneath her fingers she'd have to remember. "Thank you John." Curling her fingers around his wrist would have to suffice for the moment.

Letting her fingers slide down into his hand, John surprised her as he squeezed it for a moment. "As you wish." His eyes crackled as they met hers. Green was too intense of a color. He was smiling softly, as if she'd missed the reference and it was his own private joke.

Releasing his hand felt like a mistake. Elizabeth returned to her chair without daring his eyes again. "I'd better get back-" She was speaking to an empty room. Without him her breath seemed to echo. The headache she'd forgotten about for his entire visit would no longer be ignored.

She hadn't seen the film. That much was obvious. So until the movie night when she inevitably watched it, she'd have no idea what he said. What he'd just admitted. John felt himself blush, grateful for the safety of the corridor. She'd smiled at him. Touched him, and he loved it. He was grinning like an idiot. He had to be. He mussed his hair with his hand and searched for his composure. He was still grinning, but maybe it wasn't so bad.


	3. strange land

_Spoilers for "The Return" Thanks to Shannon for betaing. _

He wandered from planet to planet collecting artifacts. John hated it at first. It was boring. His team wasn't his team. They were well trained, talented men and women, but they were not his team. His scientist wasn't as much fun to pick on as Rodney. His marines were quick and crack shots, but they weren't Teyla and Ronon.

The worst part was coming home. He'd step through the gate, squeeze through space and time and arrive in the unfeeling cement gate room. It wasn't as pretty. The ramp was clunky. The red chevrons were all wrong. The gate was loud and slow. He started to write his mission report in his head as he walked towards the glass. He looked up and waved at Walter. The little technician waved back before he went back to work.

Walter was a good desk man. Carter was brilliant, and much more humble than McKay. General Landry was entirely competent. Dr. Lamb was cute and even rather funny in a dry sort of way. Something was missing. John followed the light with his eyes and turned his elbow so the nurse could test his blood. He'd been able to get used to most of it. Catch up on two years of football games on ESPN and drink some of the beer he'd been missing.

None of it filled the void. Not even football made Earth feel like home because she wasn't there. She wasn't there to smile at him, to congratulate him for a job well done. He'd thought about calling her. Inviting her to one of the new movies that had come to theaters without them. It seemed stupid. John showered the dirt from his body and rubbed shampoo through his hair. What would he say? Should he ask her out for a drink?

John blushed in his shower. Maybe alcohol, Elizabeth, and him weren't the best mixture. He shut off the water and reached for his towel as he tried to ignore the part of him that suggested getting a drink for old time's sake could be a hell of a good time.

Trevor, one of his marines, snapped a towel at him with a wicked grin. "You have a phone call, Sir." His cell phone was in the heap of his clothing on the floor of his locker and pitifully out of batteries.

"Thanks." He pretended to ignore the towel snap as he walked towards the door. As soon as his man turned, John repaid the whap with a grin. "See you tomorrow at 0700 airman."

"Yes, Sir." Trevor called after him as he escaped the locker room. "Bright and early, Sir."

Chuckling as he headed down the corridor, John ducked into his temporary quarters. He picked up the phone and tapped the blinking light. "This is Colonel John Sheppard."

"Hello John." Carson was his usual bubbly self as he bounced off of hold. "Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?"

"Of course! I could never turn down dinner with you and McKay. You're my two favorite men with which to eat." John flopped onto his bed and reached for his Game Boy.

"Actually, I've a bit of a surprise for ye." Carson could barely contain what was the best bit of news he'd had for awhile. "Elizabeth's coming as well."

John's Game Boy flashed and beeped as his character failed a jump and died in a pit on the side of the screen. He dropped it for a moment. "That's great! How'd you talk her into it?"

Carson's voice fell slightly. "I had to coerce her a little bit." He sighed and pulled himself together. "She's not been herself since we came back. It's obvious by her apartment. I hate to say it, but the place was a mess. She had dishes everywhere, and clothes. It looked like my apartment back in medical school."

John meant to pick up his Game Boy and tackle his puzzle again. Elizabeth's apartment shouldn't be a mess. Her office was always neat. Her things were always in their proper place because she liked to be organized. Her apartment should be organized because she was Elizabeth. "But she's going to come."

"She's going to come. I'm picking her up myself." Brightening a bit, Carson promised to see him at seven tomorrow and left the line.

John tried to return to his game, but it no longer held much interest. He shut it off and stared at the ceiling. Elizabeth was a constant and one of the few things he counted on in his crazy life. Being back on Earth was hard enough, if she wasn't handling it either, what was the point? Maybe he should get out. Find a new way to exist. Fly jets for big shot businessmen or test motorcycles.

He closed his eyes for a moment, picturing himself on a beach in Tahiti, kicking back with a blue something topped with an umbrella. He just started to feel the breeze on his face when his mind snapped back to the present. He'd been drinking with Elizabeth. Laughing with her as they danced with the villagers of Ceol. Then they were pulled into a line. Standing together with the rest of the couples. It felt like a dream as he watched himself. John could feel his head swim as he held her hand. Taste the rich sweet ale as he drank it and smell the smoke of the fire.

They followed the villagers, walking up to an altar. His memory faded, becoming a mass of half-remembered ghosts. Elizabeth was smiling at him, her green eyes brilliant in the candle light. It was a chalice, heavy carved stone with two handles on the sides. Their hands locked over it, sharing the weight as they took their turn. John remembered feeling something pass through him, something that came from Elizabeth's eyes and ran cold down his spine.

John jumped out of bed, slamming his feet into the floor. He reached into his desk looking for paper, anything. The first thing he found was the envelope from his cell bill. Grabbing a pen from the next drawer, he scribbled the symbol onto the envelope as he left his room. He needed an expert, someone who knew something about ceremonies and alien writing. The first person he ran into was a genius, but not of the correct variety.

Colonel Carter moved politely out of John's crooked path through the corridor as she protected her dish of blue Jell-o. " Where are you off too?"

"I need a dictionary or-" John held up the envelope to her and pointed to his scribble. "Something- someone who can tell me what this is."

She pulled him out of the center of the hall and glanced at his drawing. "It looks like a Celtic knot. I think I bought one in Ireland, on vacation." Sam handed it back and shrugged. "Daniel's in his office. He usually knows what to do with strange symbols."

"Really? That would be great. I don't think I'll be able to sleep. It keeps popping into my head while I'm trying to dream about tropical islands." John followed her as he studied her Jell-o. "Where'd you get that?"

"Mess hall." Sam tossed her head back down the hallway, her short blonde hair fluttering. "Want some?"

Moments later, Jell-o in hand, John followed Sam into Daniel's private library. He was buried a series of parchments, rustling them as he made his notes. He neither heard nor saw his visitors. It wasn't until Sam tapped his shoulder that he came out of his trance. "Brought you a question."

"Oh?" Daniel turned to John thoughtfully. "Pick up something on your last mission?"

John shook his head and passed Daniel his sketch. "I saw this a few weeks ago, on a trade mission in Pegasus. It was on a cup of some kind. A big one, with curling handles."

"Well, many cultures incorporate eating or drinking into their religious rites." Daniel went to his shelves and collected four books. "Jack got into trouble with that ten years ago. He ate this dessert and ending up sleeping with an alien woman who infected him with nanites."

"Nanites that increased his aging and nearly killed him." Sam licked Jell-o off of her spoon and grinned naughtily. "Took me weeks to fix that one." She carried Daniel's books as he headed for his wall of parchment.

"Elizabeth- Doctor Weir and I-" John bit his lip, trying to stop himself. "Woke up hung over with no idea how we got there." He kept the way they woke up to himself.

"That's probably simpler than nanites." Daniel moved his things away and spread out his new parchments. Laying John's drawing over them he went through quickly. "It's an early Gaelic design, probably used by people in a culture like one of early Ireland. Their music and clothing are probably pretty similar."

Shrugging as he watched Daniel work, John couldn't be sure. "I've never seen early Ireland."

"Yes- No, I suppose you wouldn't have." Daniel continued scanning, taking the top book out of Sam's hands and paging through it. "Here you are. It's a symbol of Queen Mab. She was a mythical creature in the time of King Arthur. Supposedly she was the queen of the fey. The fairy people, many cultures worship her for luck and protection." He shut the book and turned to John. "Where did you see it again?"

"On a cup, a big heavy one." John took his envelope back and flipped it over to draw on the back. "Kind of like this, with the symbol on both sides. It was on a table in the front of the room. We all drank from it, women on one side, men on the other."

"Interesting." Daniel took the book from the bottom of Sam's pile and flipped through it to what he wanted. "It sounds like a harvest or planting ritual."

"Harvest. It was fall, they invited us to celebrate. Doctor Weir thought it would be good for our trading relationship if we spent some time with them." John finished off his Jell-o and held the empty cup carefully away from Daniel's precious old things. "Did we?"

Daniel's studious expression broke into a smile. "You participated in a fertility ritual. It says here that Queen Mab rewarded her followers with long lives and many children. What was the fertility rate on that planet? How many children did you see?"

"A lot?" John tried to keep his mind from running away. Fertility rituals were one thing. Waking up drunk lying next to his boss after one was something else. "I thought it was just because they were farmers. I can't be certain without going back and I don't suppose I will anytime soon." He shook his head slowly. "I think each family had at least eight children. Maybe more."

Sam shared Daniel's amusement as she tried to come to John's assistance. "It makes sense. If your planet is being culled every five decades or so, you need to keep your population as high as possible to prevent being wiped out."

"That's an extraordinary birth rate." Daniel paged through the book, checking to see if he'd missed anything. "I can't say more without visiting the planet personally, but consider what we know about the ancients, it's entirely possible that Queen Mab was one of them. An ascended being who gifted this planet with her protection."

"If she ascended she's probably still around, laughing at us for getting smashed?" John wondered as he furrowed his eyebrows. "That's not too bad, I guess."

"There's not much else I can tell you without knowing more about the ceremony itself." Daniel returned his books to their shelves and tucked John's drawing away in a drawer. "I can give you a better picture to show Doctor Weir. It's the tree of life, a fairly common symbol of prosperity."

"It doesn't mean we're both going to remember going crazy and murdering children?" John offered sarcastically as he pulled his palm pilot form his pocket and handed it over to Daniel.

"No, most of the legends of Queen Mab are fairly benign. The worst you could do is dance naked around a bonfire." Daniel's exaggeration struck a nerve.

John took his palm pilot back gratefully and stared at the archeologist in horror. "Dancing. Naked."

Sam patted his shoulder. "I wouldn't worry too much. We've yet to meet an ascending being with a video camera."

She'd waited until half past six to even start getting dressed. Elizabeth knew she should have left her laptop far earlier than she had. This dinner was important. Far more so than she'd dare to admit to herself. Being her team again was the closest she could get to going home, and she was going to look like a wreck when she saw them.

Tying her hair back on the top of her head, Elizabeth left her sweatshirt on her bed and pulled her favorite red sweater on over her tank top. Leaving her socks behind on the floor she chose shoes, changed her mind and chose again. She picked yet another pair of shoes before Carson knocked politely on her door. Nothing seemed right. All of Earth felt strange, as if she was the alien. It had only been two years since she'd left the Milky Way, but she already felt like she'd spent her whole life in Pegasus.

Just getting into a car again seemed odd. The SGC was thoughtful enough to furnish Carson with a black government issue sedan. The smell of new leather infused the car. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Her stomach twisted again, as it had all morning. Elizabeth had never been carsick in her life, but it seemed like today was an exception.

"You feeling all right?" He turned to her with a knowing glance as he pulled into the parking lot. "You look a little pale."

"I'm all right." She pulled her arms tight across her chest and let the chill evening air bolster her. "It's been an odd couple of days. I guess I haven't been feeling quite myself." Elizabeth's forced smile was almost natural looking. The skin of her cheeks were too pale, even almost pinched around her eyes.

"I'm sure a bite of dinner will fix ye right up." Carson patted her shoulder and urged her onward. "Come on now. Rodney's been looking forward to seeing you."

"You're right." Her smile was better, brighter even as she followed him into the restaurant. "I'm sure I'll have a wonderful time."

Rodney was already seated, the wine had been ordered and he was attacking the

basket of bread. Carson pulled out her chair politely. As she thanked him, Rodney realized that he should do something. He got awkwardly to his feet and saved himself by pouring her a glass of wine. "Doctor- Elizabeth- it's great that you made it. I-" He handed her the glass and nearly spilled it all over her lap.

Rescuing it as gratefully as she could, Elizabeth settled down into familiarly easy banter with Rodney. Carson started the debate between kinds of appetizers. While Rodney extolled the wonders of crab cakes, he snuck up behind her as quietly as he could. His hands dropped heavily on her shoulders. Jolting for a second, Elizabeth knew it was John. It was the smell of him. It wasn't quite what she remembered, he had cologne now that he was back on Earth, but it was John. She relaxed, leaning back into her chair.

"Hello Boss." John slid into the chair at her right hand. "It's been awhile." He couldn't look at her enough. He had to study her, memorize her face once again. It had been years since he'd seen her smile. He smiled at her, trying to coax joy out of her eyes. "I was starting to think you'd become a hermit."

She envied his calm. He looked at ease in his black button shirt, quiet and serene. More at ease than she could conjure. It was odd to see him. Especially here, on Earth, in a restaurant like a normal couple having dinner with friends. His hand was just a moment's reach from hers on the table cloth. Taking it would be right, natural even. "I got so used to watching everything all the time. It feels strange to just have me to look after."

"I suppose that would be odd." Rodney piped up as he looked over the menu. "Feeling that alone."

"I think you just missed us." John's smile turned wicked. "Life's no fun without Rodney and me getting into mortal trouble at least once a day." He pointed out his choice to the waitress and leaned closer to Elizabeth. "We thought about having Carson here call you, explaining the deadly peril Rodney got us stuck in this time."

"Me?" Rodney's eyebrows shot up indignantly. "It's not-"

Carson shook his head sympathetically. "Actually Rodney, I've had to treat you more times than I've had to treat the Colonel. You're up by a few injuries."

"You're making that up." Rodney sputtered as he reached for the bottle of wine.

"I'm not actually." Carson laid it out for Rodney, explaining his careful tally of everything he'd had to repair over the last two and a half years.

John took his eyes away from the confrontation and chuckled to himself as he scribbled on his palm pilot. "Do you remember this?" Passing it over to Elizabeth, he tried to calm the nervous racing of his heart. Maybe it was his dream. His own pathetic mind's attempt to explain why he'd managed to forget sleeping with her. The touch of her hand against his made the restaurant fade away until only her skin remained.

He never got a chance to hear her answer. Dinner exploded into conversation. They were all starving, not for the food, but rather the chance to be with the people they had been with every day until the came back to Earth. To speak easily and be understood without question or explanation.

After the appetizers, Elizabeth's smile came easily. Rodney could laugh and blush without feeling self-conscous as his cheeks went to red. Carson couldn't have stopped grinning if he tried. As they argued about the proper way to cook a steak, John refilled Elizabeth's glass. "Since you're not driving, you can finish the bottle."

"Oh Colonel, Now if I didn't know better I'd think you're just trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me." Elizabeth felt the words slip out of her mouth before her mind realized how inappropriate they were. Her cheeks flashed as scarlet as her sweater.

"You're a catch Elizabeth; you're intelligent, gorgeous, for a brunette, and in charge of an immensely powerful city." Rodney blurted out over his dessert menu, burying his eyes in it as soon as he realized what he'd actually admitted. "As a friend-"

Carson shook his head at John and whispered secretly behind his hand. "He can't help himself, he'll just keep talking."

"As a friend, I find you very attractive, but just as a friend I would never-" Rodney finally found a way to stop talking when the server arrived to take his order.

Elizabeth reached across the table to pat his hand gently. "Thank you Rodney." The wine was going to her head and mixed with her nausea, the combination made the room spin around her. "I appreciate your confidence. It's really rather sweet."

Carson and John shared a glance before they weighed in. "You really are quite lovely." Carson offered innocently.

Nodding over his plate, John shrugged. "Lovely works."

"So, tell me more about Cadman." Elizabeth gracefully dodged any more discussion of her attributes and passed it off to Beckett, making it his turn to blush. "Did you ever get to take her to the ballet?" As soon as John and Rodney start to tease poor Carson, she snuck a look at John's palm pilot. The picture sat there, waiting for her to recognize the design. For a moment it was completely foreign, a mass of lines that curled around themselves.

Then it started to look familiar. It had been on the cup, facing her as she held it up for him to drink. There was something special about it. She remembered asking a village elder about its meaning and watching the old woman rock with laughter and promise that someday she would understand.

Someone's cellular phone, John's as he picked it up, began to ring. Then Rodney's, then her own leaving poor Carson sitting there in confusion. Somewhere in the chaos she passed her credit card to the server and waited for the slip.

John touched her shoulder as she signed her name, making her pen jump out of place just as she started the "W". "I was just kidding that you'd pay."

"Oh it's all right." She salvaged her last name as handed a copy to the server. "I make more than you anyway. Besides, It's not like I have much for expenses." She wrapped her arms around her chest and decided not to acknowledge her stomach's sudden aversion to her dinner. "Where's Carson? He'll have to drive me to the SGC."

"He went with Rodney already. McKay's too excited to drive carefully anyway, it'll be good for American-Canadian relations if the good doctor drives him over." John retrieved his coat from the coat-check and tossed it over her shoulders. While they'd been eating the night had gotten chill, and her nervousness must be making her look cold.

John's jacket smelled more strongly of him, old leather and jet fuel. Elizabeth followed him without question, too concerned about Atlantis to pay much attention to her feet. Trading yet another slip in to the valet, John stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling about as suave as he had at the prom. "I had Doctor Jackson look it over once I remembered it."

"Look at what?" Tilting her head in confusion, she turned to him without the slightest idea what he was talking about.

John tapped her purse, where she'd tucked his palm pilot and forgotten about it once they had all been summoned. His dress shoes shuffled slightly on the sidewalk as he leaned closer. "I'm going to need it back when you're done."

"Oh!" Tearing it out of her purse, Elizabeth pulled it up again. The design was a abstraction of a tree, done in the complex knot form of the old Gaelic tradition. "What did he say?"

John leaned in closer, near enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck. "I think we're in trouble." The valet pulled his black BMW convertible around and traded the keys to him. He tipped the valet and opened Elizabeth's door for her.

She raised an eyebrow at the gesture but got into the car with a smile. "What kind of trouble?"

Revving the engine as he pulled out of the lot, John shifted into a higher gear and met her eyes for a moment. "According to Jackson it's a symbol of some fairy queen from Ireland. He thinks we participated in some kind of fertility ritual."

Biting her lip as she started to giggle, Elizabeth ducked reflexively as he closed the top. "He's just making fun of you. He has to be, it's probably a practical joke." She tightened her fingers in his jacket, pulling it tighter over her chest.

"He seemed pretty serious. You know, it would make sense." John whipped the roadster around the corner and onto the freeway. "Every fertility ritual I've been to here in the Milky Way has involved drinking and carrying on. Weddings, prom, office parties..."

Elizabeth shivered even as the heat started to blow through the dash. "It doesn't mean we were intimately involved in the ritual."

"I think waking up naked next to you is pretty intimate." John shot back as he made his exit off towards Cheyenne Mountain. "At least, it's not something I do with all my bosses. Waking up next to my commander from Antarctica wouldn't have been nearly as much fun."

"I think we're all right. Fertility ritual or not, the only people who were there were you and I. It can't affect our working relationship because we have no working relationship at the moment. I have only the greatest respect for you John, knowing that we've seen each other nude isn't going to change that." Elizabeth dug her security card out of her purse to pass through the checkpoint into Stargate Command.

Waiting for the guard to wave them through before he answered, John pulled into his parking place on the second level. He shut off the car and continued to wait as he put his thoughts together. "And when we have a working relationship again? when we go home?"

"We'll be fine." Elizabeth insisted as she released her seat-belt. "We'll protect our people and the city." Placing her hand on his shoulder, she leaned closer. "And we'll do the best we can."

Her lips glistened with moisture and her hand nearly burned through his thin, black dress shirt. She was cute in his jacket. Black made her eyes seem all the brighter, even in the darkness of his car. He lowered his hand to her knee, making her jolt with surprise. "You're an optimist."

Her fingertips ran across his hair, dancing behind his ear as she moved down to his chin. Elizabeth's heart pounded in her ears. Her blood ran hot through her body, tingling her fingers. "Always."

Before he thought about what he was doing, he kissed her cheek. Startled, she turned towards him, and his kiss ended up catching the corner of her mouth. His stubble scratched faintly against her lips but it was over before she could pull away. John could taste the hint of her lipstick as he watched her smile. "I was right about you." His door clicked shut as he left the car.

"What?" Shaking off the kiss without acknowledging it, Elizabeth took off his jacket and left it in the car. Opening the door and getting out of the car after him, her heels clicked on the smooth cement of the parking ramp as she caught up to him.

John shut them in the elevator and sent them down to level twenty-eight. After the elevator began to move, he answered. "You're a hopeless romantic."


	4. blood and dust

Her stomach lurched as they went through the gate. The inertial dampeners absorbed all of the motion, but Elizabeth still felt her gut leap into her throat. They had a plan. They could take their home back from the Asurans and somehow convince the Ancients to let them stay. She tightened her grip on her weapon. The metal of the ARG was cold in her hands and heavy on her lap. The faces of her team were stoic. Death was waiting for them on the other side of the event horizon.

The rushing green all around her faded. John's voice rang out over the explosives that greeted them. "Hang on."

Her knuckles were white as she clung to her gun. John whipped the jumper around, opening the rear down nearly two meters off of the ground as he tried to keep it out of the line of fire. Ronon and Teyla were the first ones out. Rolling as they hit the ground, they disappeared in the smoke left when the Asurans returned fire. Clinging to the wall she pulled herself to her feet, Elizabeth took her place and waited for John.

The Colonel handed off the flight controls to a panicked Carson. John yelled over the chaos, "Dial out, keep the jumper hot and be ready to go if this doesn't work. Elizabeth will cover you." Carson's hands were trembling but he nodded. Patting the doctor's shoulder, Elizabeth held her rifle steadily on the doorway. John caught her eye and nodded once, his version of a pep-talk. Dragging Rodney with him, John disappeared into the crossfire.

Shutting everything but the hatch of the jumper out of her mind, Elizabeth waited with an icy hand clamped around her heart. A blast of energy surged past her shoulder to impact the wall. The acrid stink of singed metal burned the back of her throat. A body followed the shot, the tan and brown uniform was all that she saw before she fired. The second shot connected and the Replicator collapsed in a silver shower. Smoke billowed from the gate room and she crept closer to the hatch to get a better look.

A second Asuran came from her left and she hit him with the first shot. More silver dust as she turned to the right. A series of shots flew past her and she ducked behind the lip of the hatch. With her back to the door Elizabeth missed seeing the two who stormed the hatch. Turning around to catch one in the chest, she didn't have enough time to hit the second. The female Asurans' eyes flashed in triumph, terror erupted cold in her veins.

Elizabeth let out the breath she'd been holding in a rush as her attacker exploded. Ronon grinned predatorily and disappeared back into the fray. She crouched, more careful this time. Carson was depending on her; he couldn't watch his back and keep his eyes on the gate at the same time. The wormhole to their neutral planet remained open, glistening as it waited for them. Her breath hissed ragged through her lips.

White hot pain lanced through her leg, reddening the edges of her vision. Her ears rang from the explosion. Adrenaline left a metallic taste in the back of her throat. Her pant leg and sock were plastered to her leg with blood, but her leg would still support her weight. Her mind reminded her it was a flesh wound and she would live. The next Asuran who tried the jumper swung at her head hard enough to wedge his hand in the metal. Elizabeth felt the dust of his body on her face. It tingled cold, like a scattering of ice crystals.

An explosion blasted the floor, another grenade; the flash blinded her on the right. Glass shattered into a cacophony of sound. Fear made the stock of her ARG slick in her palms. Creeping out of the jumper, she searched for the source of the explosion. Another explosion showered her with debris from behind. A piece of flaming metal scorched the skin on the back of her neck, burning some of her hair.

Turning around too slowly to notice the Asuran who had caused the explosion, she took a blow to the chest for her mistake. The Replicator's arm struck like an iron bar, knocking her down so hard that the breath shot out of her chest. Lying there on the floor, it seemed to take an eternity before her chest would let her breath again. The Asuran dropped his hands to her throat, adding his crushing grip to her inability to take a breath. Struggling wildly, Elizabeth batted at his arm. It was as useless as a trying to defeat a rock slide with her fists. Her vision started to black around the edges. Her lungs screamed in agony. Her heart raced wildly, shaking her ribs as it tried vainly to keep her alive.

The blackness grew, threatening to take her. The last part of her mind that had any control insisted she had to stay calm. Her ARG was still clutched in her panicked hand. Letting go of her desire to breath and the frigid desperation that refused to let her think, Elizabeth lifted her weapon with all the strength left in her and fired it into the side of his head. His leering expression melted into silver. Her first breath was dry, full of the tingling dust of the Replicator's body. The second breath came easier. Her heart stopped trying to punch free from her chest. Getting to her feet seemed impossible. She'd never have the strength to stand.

She had to get up, lift her weapon and keep fighting until she couldn't. Carson and the jumper had to be safe, because everyone out there was counting on her. Rodney, Teyla and John; they all needed her to be here, alive, when they came back. Elizabeth's body numbly allowed her to stand. Her head swam for a second and the side of the jumper was all that allowed her to keep her feet. Her hands responded slowly as she lifted the ARG back up to her chest. Biting her lip brought a flash of pain she could control, something she could feed off of.

The next time she fired Elizabeth finally managed to do what Ronon said she should do all along. Stop thinking about firing the gun and just kill Replicators. When she managed to surprise two running through the corridor past the gate room she actually enjoyed the look of surprise of the face of the one who watched his compatriot disintegrate.

For a moment Elizabeth felt the power of being a predator. The thrill of hunting her prey, seeing them before they saw her and making the kill. Victory blocked out the stabbing pain in her leg. Dodging the Replicator's fire and rolling up to blast him into pieces, stopped her from worrying about her people. She tasted triumph. They were winning, taking back their home.

The city rolled with some kind of bombardment. The shield rocked with weapon's fire. The battleship in orbit had just discovered them. Even as the floor bucked beneath her feet, something started to build within the city. Rodney's part of the plan filled the air with energy, a deep bass hum that vibrated through her whole body. Building exponentially towards something massive. She could feel it run up her injured leg.

The air around her exploded with energy, and the floor fell away from her feet. Elizabeth dropped to her knees as her scream of pain disappeared into the sound. The entire city fired, rushing like bolt lightning rod towards space. It was so bright that it burned blue through her shut eyelids. The afterimage on her retina took a few seconds to face into the darkness. The city was dark. The night outside didn't give any light. Her fingers fumbled with her vest, searching desperately for a flashlight.

"They're dead." The voice behind her startled her so badly that she whirled and fired. The energy burst dissipated harmlessly into his vest and illuminated John's face. Throwing up his hand he kept her from firing again. "Hey- hey!" His ARG hung loosely from vest. Blood ran freely from a cut on his mouth, but his green eyes were bright with triumph. "I'm on your side."

Her own response was a sigh. Elizabeth felt her energy drain from her, leaving her hollow. "John."

He advanced slowly, as if he was afraid she'd shoot at him again. "Are you all right?"

Nodding made her head swim again, but Elizabeth kept her eyes on him. "I-" Her leg hurt so badly it started to tremble. "I think- Yes."

Hearing the colonel's voice, Carson emerged curious from the jumper. "Did ye get them all?"

"Oh yeah." John grinned crooked through his swollen lip. "Rodney's plan worked like a charm."

"That's good!" Carson checked John's face professionally, checking John's posture for any hidden injuries. "Anyone hurt?"

" We all got knocked around a bit. Ronon pulled his arm out of the socket, Teyla and I tried to shove it back, but he's going to need some professionally help. Teyla's got a nasty cut on her arm. Rodney's got a set of ribs that might be broken. I tried to get him to come back with me, but he insisted on staying where he is until he knows how we're doing." John sank down on the ramp of the jumper with a sigh of exhaustion. His eyes closed for a moment and he took a slow breath. "No sign of Woolsey, the general or any of the Ancients."

"Well, as long as both of ye are all right, I'll go check on Rodney." His stint as getaway driver was over, and Carson was comfortable again.

John sat up and started to strip off his vest. "I think I'll sleep until next week, but I'm okay." He dropped his vest on the floor and rolled his head over his shoulders. "Come on Elizabeth, I did two sweeps with a life signs detector, you can sit down."

Elizabeth watched him grow dark in her vision. Her first step towards him was steady, but the second one faltered. Her injured leg finally gave out. John was on his feet fast enough to catch her. She landed on his lap, his arms still tightly around her waist. his hands caught hers when she tried to grab her leg.

"Let him look." He ordered gently.

Carson's touch was light, but she couldn't keep her leg from trembling. The doctor passed his flashlight to John. He could hear her hissing through her teeth against the pain.

Elizabeth fought the wash of black across her vision. "Something exploded."

"It's all right Elizabeth." Carson grabbed John's vest and searched through the pockets for his knife. "I'm just going to take a look and see what ye did to yerself."

John kept her arms back, hugging her to his chest. He released her enough to remove her vest, carefully distracting her as the doctor sliced open her pant leg up past her knee.

"I'm taking this off too." Carson warned her as he started to unlace her boot. "Better tell Rodney his ribs are going to be second on my list."

John tapped his radio quickly. "How're you doing Rodney?"

"All right considering a bunch of nanites tried to beat me up." Rodney replied with a touch of amusement.

Watching numbly as Carson stripped her sock from her blood-soaked foot, Elizabeth concentrated on speaking. "What's the power situation?"

"The Lanteans had a single ZPM, which the Asurans drained in the conflict, but the Asurans brought three of their own." Rodney didn't sound as positive as a ZPM should have made him.

"But?" John ventured as Carson retreated to the jumper for his battlefield kit.

"I've overloaded every circuit in the city." Something electric snapped on Rodney's end of the radio. "I have no idea how long it will take me to fix it. I'm going to get the shield running."

"No, Rodney?" Elizabeth's voice cracked as she stared desperately past the pool of light Carson had on her injured leg. "See if you can submerge the city. If you have a ZPM-"

"I can get us low enough that they'll spend half their arsenal just trying to get to us..." The scientist trailed off as he concentrated too hard to remember to speak.

John kept himself as light-hearted as possible. Carson opened the kit and laid out his tools. Blood started to pool on the floor all around Elizabeth's white foot. "I'll send Carson down as soon as I can. Elizabeth's a few touchdowns ahead of you in the injury game."

"I couldn't stop working anyway," Rodney insisted firmly as he continued to tinker. "Will she be all right?"

Carson answered his question as he washed blood of his hands with alcohol. "I just need to pull a nasty piece of shrapnel out of her leg." He continued under his breath, "In the dark, without proper anesthetic." Looking up at John, his face was grim. "I need her up in the jumper, there's more light in there."

"You got it." John stood up carefully. "Ready?"

"I don't know what I think about this vacation-" Elizabeth's bit her lip again when she tried to stand. When had she gotten so tired?

John lifted her to her feet. The leg that had carried her through the battle screamed in agony when she tried to put it down. Clinging to John kept her upright, and the smell of sweat and battle on him distracted her from the coppery stench of blood. "I'll write a note to the cruise director."

"Thank you." With John's arm around her waist, and Carson at her side they made it up into the jumper. Elizabeth was relieved to be lowered down to the floor again. Her head spun less when she was sitting.

John couldn't help noticing the trial of blood up to their position. Carson looked grim as he lead him back down the ramp. "My surgical kit was damaged by one of their damn grenades. I'm going to have to dig into her leg and pull it out while she's awake."

John felt something cold clamp down in his stomach. "You don't have anything at all?"

Carson sighed heavily and lead John down to a badly burned black bag. "I have all the tools I need, a scalpel can handle the heat of an explosion, but the anesthetic's been completely destroyed. I know I should've brought more, but we in such a hurry when we left, and I kinda thought we'd have access the infirmary once we killed the Replicators. It's just a battlefield kit, It's designed to keep ye in one piece until ye get to a real medical facility. "

"A real medical facility stocked with Ancient medical voodoo that won't run without power." John grabbed a flashlight and a roll of duct tape from of the more intact bags. Jamming it into the seat so it would illuminate Elizabeth's leg, he taped it in place. "How long?"

"It's a chunk of metal that narrowly missed her fibula. It's going to take some time to repair the muscle, maybe more if I can't get the metal out right away." Carson shook his head slowly. "You're going to have to hold her down."

John nodded stoically before he went up to the front of the jumper. Coaxing as much light as he could from the internal controls, he had nothing left to do but sit down helplessly next to her. Elizabeth knew his expression. She'd felt his helpless frustration when she had to watch her people return home on stretchers.

Carson finished laying out his tools and snapped on his rubber gloves. "I'm going to have to operate on your leg Elizabeth. The shrapnel can't stay in because I can't stop the bleeding without removing it. I don't have anything I can give you. I'm very sorry, but it's going to hurt."

She lay back to her elbows, staring up at the ceiling of the jumper and willing her leg to go numb again. "How much?"

"John's going to have to sit on your legs so I can keep them still." Carson slid a sterile covering between her leg and the deck of the jumper. "I'll be as quick as I can."

She thought she was too tired to move, but John's expression was so dark she couldn't argue with him. He hesitated, unable to make eye contact. He removed his jacket and tucked it beneath her head as she finally lay back. He removed her earpiece as well. No one else needed to hear her scream. "I have to admit this is the last thing I thought I'd end up doing when I met you in Anarctica." John forced himself to smile dryly. "Not that I didn't fantasize about you and me and enclosed spaces."

Laughing slightly, she managed to smile bravely for him. "I've always thought you looked at me a little funny back then."

John lowered himself over her thighs. The tightening of his eyebrows screamed apology as one of his hands brushed a sweat-drenched lock of hair off her forehead. "It'll pass. It'll feel like time stopped and all you have is pain but it will pass." He stared directly into her eyes, drilling through her attempts to be noble and seeing her fear for what it was.

Carson wiped the area around the cut with alcohol, making her skin start to fill with goosebumps. John took a bandage from the kit and wrapped it around something dark in his hands. The light was above and behind him, leaving him in silhouette. "I'm going to begin." Carson warned a moment before he sank his scalpel into her leg.

The warm, heavy weight of John on her legs deadened some of the nerves. Her good leg was starting to go to pins and needles. John's hand tucked his pocketknife into her mouth. "Bite this." His suggestion seemed ludicrous. The gauze he'd wrapped around it sucked the moisture out of her mouth. She tried to protest, but John's face was as serious as she'd ever seen him. "Trust me."

Elizabeth knew logically that Carson was being as careful as he could. He was making the smallest incision necessary to get the metal fragment out of her leg, but she couldn't have been ready for the pain that ripped through her. Her hands shot up, grabbing John's arms desperately. She tried to move, to sit up, to tell Carson to stop, but John held her still. His hands caught her arms and held them to the deck. Leaning forward slightly completely incapacitated her.

Her scream choked around the knife. When Carson stopped for a second the agony of her leg faded to a pounding ache. Every beat of her heart hurt. John's hands were like iron on her arms. She fought him and her own pain. Every instinct said she had to get away. Get free from them both and never let anyone touch her again.

John watched her twist her head like a trapped animal and heard her bite back her screams. When her eyes closed he watched them roll wildly in her head. He held his gaze firm, so when she looked she had something to focus on. No matter how she moved, he was still. His legs protested the awkward position and his arms started to burn with the effort of holding her, but he remained.

Rodney's voice cut through her cries, slicing into his ear through the earpiece. "I'm ready to submerge the city. You might want to hang onto something."

Carson stopped immediately, holding his surgical gauze to the wound, he estimated how much blood she could still afford to lose. "Is she still conscious?"

The back of John's head bobbed slightly. "Yeah, she's here."

Carson got to his knees, whispering, "It's better if you can keep her awake. Talk to her, tell her a story, anything that keeps her eyes open."

John nodded again as he leaned down to her. He lowered his chest to her stomach, bringing his head closer. "Rodney's sinking the city."

Carson's radio crackled in his ear. "What are you doing to her?" Rodney demanded protectively.

Carson tapped his own radio and sighed heavily. "I have to get the shrapnel out of her leg." The city groaned around them, sighing like a great sea creature as it began it's descent into the waves. Water crashed around them, rushing to envelop the city. It thundered around them and then went still. After it left the surface the city sank in silence. What little light was left outside the jumper faded away entirely.

"She's going to be all right, Rodney. It sounds worse than it is," Carson reassured his friend as the city landed with a thump that rattled through every beam. The city groaned in a thousand places and then grew still. "Are we stable?"

"We're down." Rodney promised as he slipped off the radio. It crackled on a moment later. "Be careful."

"I'm always bloody careful," Carson promised as he lifted the gauze from the wound. The metal lay there, gray against the white bone. The bone had protected her, saved her from a served artery. He just had to make sure he kept her as safe when he removed it. "Take a moment," he suggested to John, "Let her breathe before I have to see how far this bloody thing goes."

Tears left white streaks through the sweat and dirt on her face. White that curled down into her hair. He wiped his hand on his shirt before he touched her face. "How're you doing?" He removed his pocket knife from her mouth for a moment and searched his vest for his canteen.

"Cutting off my leg would hurt less." Elizabeth's voice rasped, tired from overuse.

John helped her up enough to drink. "You're doing great."

She swallowed and dropped back to the deck. John's hair was even wilder in the strange lighting. Elizabeth couldn't see his face, but she knew his expression. The quiet dedication she counted on. Her good leg was completely numb. Without the warmth of John's body, she was sure she'd be shivering. "I'm tired," she whispered as he capped the canteen.

"You can't sleep." John's hands rested on her shoulders, waiting for Carson to make her screaming start again. "You'd leave me alone with Carson and he likes football even less than you do. Always wants to talk about cricket."

Elizabeth's attempt at laughter sounded like a sob. "I don't know anything about cricket."

John felt Carson's hand on his shoulder and shuddered involuntarily. "That's what I like about you." He lowered his head and wished he could take her place. "Carson has to finish now."

Her eyes grew a shade darker. She nodded and helped him place his knife back in her mouth. This time she kept her eyes open. Pain burned through the numbness in her leg and blazed a warpath to her brain. The bone throbbed as sharp metal slid past it. Elizabeth locked her eyes on the face in front of her and dredged up every stubborn part of her. She bit down until her jaw started to cramp. One of Carson's hands closed down hard on her knee, and what hurt before erupted into an excruciating agony. She fought one of her hands free and John pinned them both back to the deck.

Her back arched, nearly throwing him off with a burst of adrenaline. John flattened her back, waiting for the metal to slip from her leg. The pain faded and she collapsed, nearly too tired to cry.

"I got it." Carson dropped the sliver of metal to the bandages on the deck. "The muscle needs some stitches, but the artery is intact. It won't hurt as much."

Elizabeth didn't want to believe him. Pain was all that was left. John's thumb brushed across her temple, removing more tears from her face before they could creep down to the deck. Carson continued to stitch the damaged muscle back together. Instead of the blinding pain of the scalpel, each stitch only gnawed at her control. She let John take the gag out of her mouth.

"Your fingers taste funny." Elizabeth teased, her voice weak as she searched for the words. Carson closed a stitch and she shuddered.

John dared a look over his shoulder and turned back. "Just a few more."

"Will I-" Elizabeth's voice faltered into a gasp. "Be able to walk on it?"

John passed the question to Carson, releasing his grip on her arm enough for her to move it. The doctor studied his work for a moment, tying off the last stitch in the muscle. "If she's careful. No marathons and it'll get more than a bit sore if she stands on it for any length of time."

Nodding as he returned to her, John felt her hand on his shoulder as she dug in. "You'll be fine." Instead of pinning her hand, he removed it from his shoulder and held it, moving his thumb slowly back and forth. Her breathing slowed and the pain in her eyes softened.

Carson wrapped gauze around her leg and nudged John off of her. He knelt at her side, keeping her hands tightly within his. Carson wrapped his blood-soaked towel up in plastic and tucked it away. Washing his tools off with alcohol, he put them away as he spoke. "You've lost a bit of blood. You'll be a bit light-headed for the next couple days, but I think the leg's going to heal beautifully."

Elizabeth nodded; it was hard to focus on anything in the haze of endorphins. "John?" She started to sit up, forcing him to help her. Her head immediately started to float separately from her body. The shaking started in her shoulders and ran down her spine. "We have to get up to command."

"There's no power." John explained softly as he rubbed her back. "The circuits are fried. We're going to have to open the doors manually just to find some living quarters."

Moving closer to the warmth of his body, Elizabeth clumsily pushed her hair back from her face. "Don't they need our help?"

"Slowly now," Carson cautioned as Elizabeth started to stand. "You've been through a lot." Swinging his bag up onto his shoulders, he headed towards the power room.

"Maybe you should take it easy," John suggested as he supported her arms, "There's no hurry-"

"Mr. Woolsey and General O'Neill are still out there. We've damaged all the protective systems in our city, including the gate controls. We don't have much for food and we're trapped under at least one hundred meters of water. I can't just sit here." Elizabeth swayed and swallowed against the terrible taste in her mouth.

John produced his canteen again and steadied her hands as she drank it. She stumbled and his arms slipped around her back. Her head fell his chest, resting until her heart caught up with the demands of her body. "All right-"

"Wait," Elizabeth interrupted suddenly. Calling on the last of her strength she had to lift her head and looked him square in the eye. "I want you to know something first, before we go any father."

John felt his throat swell and wondered if he could even speak. "Okay." He waited, trying not to swallow against the lump.

"You and I-" Looking down for a moment, Elizabeth lost everything she was going to say. When she looked back up John was waiting, patiently expectant. "I never thought I could feel, after Simon found someone else, I mean, I never wanted to feel like that, but I-"

"Maybe you've lost more blood than Carson thought," John teased cruelly as he wished he could make his palms stop sweating. "You're usually much more eloquent."

If she'd had the energy, Elizabeth thought she might have hit him. Only he was right. She could always find a way to say whatever she needed to say and now she couldn't even put together a proper sentence. His eyes were so close, so much more intense than she'd ever wanted to notice. Pain shot up from her leg when she stood on her tiptoes but it vanished as soon as she found his lips.

John smelled like sweat and the jumper was rank with her blood, but the kiss was sweet. The corners of her lips were raw from his knife and his were swollen from his fight with one of the Replicators but for that moment they were perfect.

Turning away from his face before she could read into his expression, Elizabeth found the strength to smile. In fact, she couldn't have helped herself.

John stared at her, feeling shock give way to a warmth he'd never let himself admit before. "That's what you wanted to say?"

"Eloquent enough for you?" Elizabeth's eyes twinkled as she let him wrap her arm around his shoulders.

"Yeah." John started them down the ramp, careful to keep her weight from resting too long on her injured leg. "Yeah, that covers pretty much everything, doesn't it?"


	5. making do

Ronon tapped his shoulder as he passed the black pot from the mess kit around to John. "It's good. Eat it."

John took the offering in his free hand and sniffed it. Setting it down to lift the spoon to his mouth, he made his decision, "Tastes like chili."

"It's really not bad." Carson agreed as he dug into his bowl. "Reminds me of something my mom used to make on camping trips."

Teyla settled back, leaning against the wall of the cafeteria where they had set up camp. She wrapped her hands around her cup and took her time with her tea. "My people bring it with on hunting trips, much like your MRE's."

"Tastier though." John held out his bowl and let Ronon fill it. Resting it on his thigh, he brought his spoon carefully up to his mouth.

"Speak for yourself." Rodney piped up from his olive-colored sleeping bag. "I happen to be very fond of our MREs."

"They're all we'll be eating until we get the gate fixed anyway," John struggled with his dinner and finally gave up on his spoon. Lifting his bowl to his mouth, he drank it. "And this-" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "But I could get used to this."

"Tava bean stew." Teyla offered easily as she shut off the tiny cook stove. Dumping what was left into John's bowl, she grinned as he continued to eat one handed. "Ronon and I brought as much preserved food as we could."

"And we-" John looked at Carson who nodded appreciatively in agreement, "Are grateful."

"Aye, I could eat this a few more times than a dehydrated pile of spaghetti." Grinning as he demolished the last of his stew, Carson accepted a cup of tea from Teyla and started unpacking his sleeping bag.

With the stove off, the only light left was a lantern. It cast strange shadows on the ceiling of the cafeteria. John watched them dance as he drank the last of his stew. "Is anyone else reminded of a lock-in at school?"

Rodney's sleeping bag rustled as he rolled up onto his elbows. "I never would have picked you as one to stay one second longer than the bell."

John struggled to shift his arm enough to hand his bowl to Teyla. She graciously moved to him and took it. "They locked me in with girls." He looked to Ronon for understanding. "I was young, it seemed like a good way to catch them."

Ronon shrugged and helped Teyla assemble the dishes for morning. "Seems like it could be fun."

Rodney scoffed as he rolled away from them. "Seems like you don't have any problems getting them now."

Carson grinned a little bit as he snuggled into his sleeping bag. "You should have seen them in the jumper."

John stiffened slightly, it was still too soon to joke about what he'd seen Elizabeth go through. When he moved he disturbed the head on his shoulder. She moaned softly before settling down again. Teyla had finished setting the dishes aside and was laying out his sleeping bag.

His left arm was nearly numb from the weight of her Elizabeth's sleeping form, but he couldn't displace her without feeling his guilt come rushing back. She'd sat down next to him and fallen asleep as soon as soon as dinner began. Carson promised she was resting comfortably but John was still uneasy. She wasn't the one who got hurt. She was supposed to be the person who smiled at him when he was bleeding all over the deck of a jumper.

"Do you require assistance?" Teyla wondered politely as she pointed to the sleeping bag for the sleeping Doctor Weir. "Ronon or I could-"

John shook his head. "I think I can manage, if you'll get her off my arm."

Teyla smiled softly and helped remove the weight from his side. "Of course."

Rodney snorted into his sleeping bag. "I suppose you're going to just sweep her off her feet?"

"She's asleep." John tossed back as he shook out his arm. "It's pretty hard to sweep someone who's unconscious." He squatted down to slip his arms around her. "Takes all the fun out of it when they can't play hard to get." Straightening his back and getting his balance, he settled her into his arms. Her surgery had exhausted her to the point where he doubted anything he did would wake her. Even so, he walked as carefully as he could across the dark floor.

Dropping down slowly, he stopped to remove her boot from her good leg before tucking her into her sleeping bag. He didn't notice Teyla and Ronon watching him as he toyed with a curl of Elizabeth's hair. When he was convinced she was comfortable as she could be under the circumstances, John returned to the lantern and snuffed it. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he returned to her side. His own sleeping bag was just a few steps away, but he needed to watch her a moment more. The pain was gone from her face. The corners of her eyes were still puffy from tears, but Carson promised she'd heal.

Protected by the darkness, John let himself kiss her forehead. Climbing into his own sleeping bag, he remembered the kiss. The memory of her arms around his neck as she melted into his lips followed him into his dreams.

hr 

John awoke smiling. Teyla and Ronon were already sorting their supplies. He crept out of his sleeping bag and checked his mess kit for his toothbrush. Rodney and Carson were both snoring, and he couldn't help wondering how Elizabeth slept through it.

Ronon gave him a crooked grin as he returned. "They would make terrible hunters." Turning to set his supply of rations on the table with the others, he shot a glance back to the snoring duo. "Scare away all their prey."

Teyla started counting, forming numbers on her lips as she went. John turned to the other two tables stocked with weapons. They had six ARGs, Ronon's personal blaster, ten pistols, one full case and a few extra grenades. They had slightly less than a case of C4, some smoke bombs and a handful of his favorite flashbang grenades. Six mess kits took up a little space at the edge of the table. There'd been little room for niceties, a small bundle of soap and toothpaste was all they had.

John grabbed a bar of soap and a flashlight. "I'm going to go get little bits of dead Replicators out of my hair." Glancing back over between his sleeping bag and Elizabeth's he saw her bloody sock and boot. Maybe he could get them clean enough to wear for her. None of them had any extra clothes.

Teyla paused in her counting and nodded. "Rodney said the desalination tanks were full and they are near the top of the city."

"Great! Water pressure." John grinned cheerfully. "Excellent way to start off the morning. An ice cold shower."

Ronon shrugged and bit into a power bar. "Stay dry. Stay warm."

"Stay filthy." John shook his head and grabbed a power bar for himself. "I'll be back." Sighing to himself when he realized that the only people who would truly understand the true meaning of that phrase were asleep, he whistled himself down the hallway. He walked past the room that used to be his and wondered who had moved it when he'd left. He could just pop in and shower there, but he stopped in front of the door. It just didn't feel right. The room wasn't his anymore.

Further down were the communal showers attached to the barracks, those would be all right. No probably dead Ancients would be upset if he used those. Stripping off his clothes, he pulled out his own socks and boxer shorts. Leaving them on the floor of the shower where the water would reach them, he switched on the water. Standing under the frigid water just long enough to wet his hair, he shut it off again as he soaped himself. Lathering up enough soap on his hands, John rubbed it through his socks. His clothes would clean easily, but Elizabeth's sock was more difficult. Dried blood ran brown down the drain in the center of the room.

He washed the soap from his hair and his chilled skin, rubbing his fingers against his scalp before they turned numb. Grabbing his towel he rubbed it quickly across himself, goose-bumps started to form in the chill air, but he felt more human. John rang the water out of his boxers and pulled them back on, hoping they'd dry quickly. He hung his socks over the edge of the sink and kept working on Elizabeth's sock. He let it soak for a moment before trying again to get the blood out. When it moved easily in his hand, he wrung it out one last time.

Carrying his boots and the wet socks over his arm, John returned to the cafeteria. Carson was munching on the last of a power bar and Teyla had made more of her tea. John set out the socks over the edge of the table, sitting down with his cold bare feet in the warmth of his sleeping bag.

Rodney gave the three socks an odd glance and dug into his packet of MRE oatmeal. "As I was saying, the pulse I created caused a polarization in the circuits of the city. Everything that was on when it fired was damaged, which explains why it was so easy to fix the forcefield."

"It was off?" Carson ventured as he blew across the top of his tea. "Ye couldn't trip the breaker because it was off."

"Yes, I suppose, if you want to put it that simply." Rodney looked gave his oatmeal the disdainful look meant for Carson, but he continued his explanation. "Now it's possible to remove the polarization by exposing the circuits to a slight magnetic field but we're going to have to do each of them individually. That means every crystal between the power station and the end of each pier is going to have to be recalibrated by hand." He paused to take a few bites of oatmeal before he kept going.

"It's going to take a while to get all the circuits working again, but I think we can do it." He gestured with his spoon, digging it into his bowl for emphasis. "Of course we're going to have to discuss it with Doctor Weir when she's awake, but I think we should start with the gate."

John watched Elizabeth's sleeping back and tried to anticipate her orders. "I want a full sweep of the city, every corridor, every room. If the Asurans left anything behind, I want to know about it. As soon as Rodney gets the gate running we need to find General O'Neill and Mr. Woolsey."

"I'd like to take Carson with me." Rodney gulped down the last of his oatmeal and pulled on his boots. "Some of the crystals I have to work with are very tiny, and surgeon's hands would be useful."

Carson shrugged amiably and finished his tea. "I'd like to be useful I suppose."

"Ronon and Teyla, you've won the city sweep." John collected few dishes from breakfast and started heating water to watch them. "I'll hold down the fort and take Elizabeth to the gate when she wakes up. We'll start there and meet Rodney and Carson somewhere in the middle."

Rodney laughed bitterly. "I hope you know this is weeks of tedious, incredibly detailed work. I don't even know if we'll make it ten meters a day."

"How far is it from the power room to the gate room?" Carson wondered curiously.

Rodney tugged his arm and dragged him off towards the power room. "You don't really want to ask that."

"Oh just tell me Rodney." Their arguing voices echoed down the corridor until they disappeared down the stairs.

Teyla left him doing dishes with a quiet smile. Ronon nudged his shoulder and grinned in obvious amusement. "You have made changes when you were on Earth."

John became very interested in the spoons he was washing. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ronon's smile broadened knowingly. "Of course not." Still mysterious amused, he disappeared after Teyla, they weren't even around the corner before his laughter rang richly down the corridor.

Setting the clean dishes down on a table out of the way, John shut off the little camp stove and headed to the back room to dump the water. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried to figure out what else he could do while he waited. Realizing his socks might be dry, he grabbed them and started to put them on.

Balancing clumsily on one foot as he put on the first, John toppled over entirely when Elizabeth suddenly sat up.

"Simon!" Her voice rang over the thud of John falling and his cursing that followed. Her heart raced in her chest, flooding her body with more adrenaline. Pulling her arms defensively up, she looked around wildly for a moment.

John scrambled over, grabbing her head with his hands. He was probably holding her too tightly, but she calmed as soon as his eyes locked with hers. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe. Just me, no Replicators, no Wraith, no blood-sucking aliens of any kind."

She slid back, panic fading from her face. Elizabeth started to pull up her knees out of the sleeping bag, but she stopped. Wincing when she moved her bad leg, she looked away from his concern.

"You all right?" John grabbed her foot, keeping her from moving her leg any further until he had checked the bandage. Some blood had dried on the gauze, but nothing to cause concern. "It's still pretty dry, Beckett did a good job. Still probably hurt like hell for awhile."

Nodding sharply as she brushed his hands away, Elizabeth tried to get her bearings. "We were having dinner."

"You fell asleep." He retrieved his socks and quietly put them on. "Guess you got used to a full night's worth back on Earth." John grabbed her washed sock as well, taking her foot again and gently rolling it back on. "Bad dreams?"

"Something like that." She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it back out of her face. "The Asurans made it to Earth, they were looking for the Ancients, torturing our people until we told them where they were."

"Sounds pretty nasty." He gestured towards the cook stove. "I can whip you up some breakfast if you want." John glanced over at Teyla's neat rationing of their MREs and smiled optimistically. "It looks you can choose between rehydrated oatmeal and power bars. I'd go with the power bar myself. Less cooking time."

Elizabeth's smile was weak, polite but too exhausted to be comforting. "Where's everyone else?"

"Searching, fixing things, damn Replicators sure made a mess of the place." John handed her a power bar and the last of the breakfast tea. "Rodney thinks we can fix it, it's just going to take awhile."

"A few weeks or the rest of our lives?" Elizabeth managed a tiny smirk over the edge of her cup.

"Probably closer to the latter." John set her shoes near the edge of her sleeping bag. "Sooner if you're up for a little electrical work."

She raised an eyebrow and took a bite of the corner of her power bar. Making a face, she sniffed it and read the wrapper. "What kind is this?"

"Vanilla." John pointed at the writing on the wrapper. "It's one of the more bland kinds, but I'm saving the chocolate peanut butter until we really need something special."

"I don't think I'm hungry." Elizabeth swallowed her bite and then quickly swallowed again as she shook her head. "No," she covered her mouth with her hand and closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry."

Tilting his head, John gave her a sympathetic smile. "Last time Beckett was digging around in my insides I had a little trouble with food too. Should drink your tea though. Start making up for all that blood you lost."

"Ruined the upholstery in your jumper didn't I?" Elizabeth tied her boot on her good foot and tried to force her nausea away. She jolted her injured leg when she tried to put on her other boot. Biting her lip kept her from making a sound, but John had an uncanny way of sensing her pain.

He unlaced her boot slightly, easing her foot in slowly. "You really did. Worse than the twelve pack of coke that exploded in my chopper back in Antarctica." John finished knotting her bootlaces and stood up. "It gets better."

Stubbornly finding her way to her feet on her own, Elizabeth tested her leg as John looked for the tool kit. It hurt whenever she rested her weight on it, but the dull pulling ache was a definite improvement from the day before. "When did you get so optimistic?"

John swung the tool kit over his back and grinned innocently. He gestured around the cafeteria, "We're home."

"We've fried the city-" Elizabeth started.

"We get to camp." John shot back as he slipped his arm around her back to steady her.

"We have just have MREs and power bars for food," she continued, starting to smile a little.

John took his time as she took the steps slowly. "McKay likes MREs and power bars grow on you."

Staring down at her ruined pants, Elizabeth looked up smiling. "No spare clothes."

Shrugging, John let her lean against the wall as he opened the door manually. "No laundry."

She finally giggled slightly, wondring if not having do laundry was really something special for him. "No rescue and the entire Replicator armada undoubtedly bearing down on us."

"I don't even think I'm going to dignify that with a response." John hit the crystals when they wouldn't open. "When do we not have an alien armada bearing down on us?" He hit the door again and it creaked open. "And," he paused and forced the door far enough open for both of them. "The last we fought them we kicked some ass and got a couple ZPMs out of the deal. So far, things are looking up."

This time she waited for John's arm, enjoying the contact. "Optimist."

He turned, just centimeters from her face. "Nay-sayer."

Her heart pounded in her chest. Stubble was starting to darken his face. Running her thumb across his chin, Elizabeth smiled gently. "At least we're home."

Her lips were wet, perfect in the light of his flashlight and the soft blue from the water-covered windows. Making out in the corridor would be much more fun than digging around in the floor of the Gate Room. John seriously contemplated her lips, remembering the warmth of her against his body. He started to turn away and felt her sigh. Disappointment seeped through her back. Turning back, he kissed her, surprising himself as he forced her back against the wall. Instead of the soft kiss she'd led last night, this was a fact-finding mission.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and relaxed into his arms. No one had kissed her as if they would die if they stopped in more years than she cared to remember. For a moment she even worried if she was kissing him back correctly. Her head floated, flushed and rushing away without her permission. John's body pressed her back and her breasts protested. They were sore and overly sensitive. Even through the thick fabric of her black shirt, her breasts made her acutely aware of every movement of his chest against hers.

John managed to speak first. "We should fix the gate."

"The gate." Elizabeth repeated softly. Eventually she nodded, trying not to think about how much time they'd have before anyone came looking for them.

"Yeah." He stood there longer than he had too, feeling the warmth of her against him. "We should."

She couldn't move with him there, but mentioning it would have made him move. Elizabeth tried to look away, turning her attention back to the gate. His hand was on her hip, burning through so it was all she could think about. She coughed, "We have a job to do."

"Yeah." John finally moved, letting her keep her grip on his shoulder for balance. "We have a lot to get done."

"Okay." It took thought to breathe. Elizabeth had to concentrate just on herself and try and forget that he was there at her side.

"We really should, maybe, talk-" John nearly choked, "about this?"

Without the kiss distracting her, Elizabeth's head hurt. Her stomach was off. Her single bite of power bar had left an odd taste in her mouth that even kissing him hadn't gotten rid of. Why was she dreaming about Simon? Why did she feel like everything was falling apart when she was finally back home? Everything was backwards. John, the one who couldn't put together his feelings, suddenly wanted to talk and that conversation was one of the handful in her life that truly terrified her.

"What do we have to do to fix the gate? Did Rodney explain it to you?" Her words sounded hollow as she ignored his attempt to be mature. John's face turned stoic, and she wondered belatedly if she'd hurt him.

"Well," he set her down at the foot of the gate and started taking out his tools. "We just have to reverse the polarity in every circuit from here to the power room."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow incredulously, hoping he was joking.

John grinned ironically. "When Rodney breaks something, he breaks it good." With a grunt he removed a chunk of the floor tile and slid it aside. Beneath it long, thin crystals lay dark and waiting for them. "Do you want to be the shock or the magnet?" He held up two tools and made room for her next to the hole.

Sliding over and rolling down to her stomach, she gave him a grateful smile for letting her change the subject. She picked the one in his left hand and waited for him to show her what they were doing.

hr 

After a few hours her hands hurt. John started stretching his fingers every half an hour or so, but it didn't seem to be helping him much. The floor was hard and cold and the muscles of Elizabeth's shoulders started to cramp from her position. After she dropped the magnet twice in a row as they tried to reach a crystal, John sighed heavily. "Break?"

He rolled over, stretching out his arms lazily and staring up at the ceiling. They lay there, still silent. John's fingers were twitchy. He knew better. He knew a hundred reasons why he shouldn't ask, but none of them were more insistent than his stubborn, jealous desire to know.

"Who's Simon?" John let the question hang in the air and wondered if he'd even asked it. Elizabeth sat up, her back notably in his direction. He'd asked. He was pathetic. He was really, truly and utterly pathetic. He listened to his fingers drumming on the floor and sat up.

"I shouldn't've," John started to back down, ready to let the question go. He'd even go back to work.

"We were together almost five years." Elizabeth rested her head in her hands. "Ever since I moved to Washington."

From behind she looked fragile. Her shoulders hunched forward and her hair curled unruly down her neck. It drove John nuts that he couldn't watch her eyes. He'd gotten so used to telling her moods in her eyes.

"Simon is a doctor who-" Elizabeth prayed her voice would hold. "Was doing a shift in the vaccination clinic. I was about to be sent to Pakistan to work on the non-proliferation treaty. I needed full set of shots to travel. He got so distracted talking to me that he nearly gave me the shot for yellow fever twice."

Her shoulders shook slightly, and her hands wrapped nervously over her chest. John decided she was laughing instead of crying, but he really couldn't tell. "I didn't mean," he began quickly, nearly cutting her off. "Really, it's none of my business."

"He asked me to dinner twice, once before I left and again when I came back from Pakistan." She shook her head slowly, and her curls tried to cling to her shirt. "He was funny. Sweet. Intelligent. He didn't make me feel like I had to dumb myself down to have a conversation with him." Elizabeth's hand escaped to her cheek. "There isn't much else."

When she was sure her eyes were still dry, she turned around, staring John down as if he was ready to contradict her. "I came to Atlantis on such short notice all I got to send him was a video tape. I-"

Her eyes stung. Elizabeth couldn't let him see, but she couldn't stop. For some reason she kept talking, almost against her will. "I should have made the time to tell him but I couldn't. I couldn't say anything more than goodbye last year. When the Wraith were coming, I felt like I had to let him go."

John watched as she rocked with her knees. He should be saying something profound. Something that would make her eyes stop looking so liquid.

"But he didn't need my permission." Her words grew sharp as the bitterness welled in her stomach. "He-" She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold back the last of her composure. John didn't need to see her like this. "God. I shouldn't still be thinking about him, it was more than a year ago." Elizabeth lost one tear. It escaped slowly down her cheek and hung on her chin for a moment before disappearing down to the floor.

John reached towards the wet spot on the tile. Studying the droplet as if it held the answers. "He found someone in the same galaxy."

Elizabeth nodded, feeling her stomach twist into a knot. "I told him it was all right. I didn't expect him to wait for me." Her stomach jumped, tugging the knot up through her insides towards her heart.

"But you waited." John finished for her. "You spent a year of your life waiting for him and when you came home he already had someone else."

She opened her mouth, but shut it before she could give herself away.

John shrugged apologetically, "Guys know how we think. We'll never admit it, but we're all pretty much the same." He reached for her and stopped, pulling his hand back. "I was just-"

"It's all right." Elizabeth caught his hand on its way back to his lap and held it. "I just can't control myself right now."

He reached his free hand down into his pocket and came up with nothing. "Head hurt?" He slid over, letting her keep his hand as he moved to her side.

"My stomach actually." Elizabeth dropped his hand to force her hair back behind her ears. "I keep feeling like I'm going to be sick."

"Can I recommend the waste slot in the corridor that way?" John pointed over his shoulder easily. "Normally I'd say the floor would be fine, but we have to lie on it for awhile yet."

She dropped her head to her knees and tried to quiet her stomach. "Is it because of my leg?"

"I think we'd better be saving that question for Beckett." John resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She probably didn't want to be manhandled by her military commander.

Elizabeth turned her head enough to look at him. "Humor me." Swallowing was just denying the inevitable. "You've had more injuries than-"

"Rodney's ahead of me." John injected firmly as he toyed with one of the screwdrivers from the toolkit.

"Than most people." Elizabeth corrected with as much of a smile as she could muster. "Is it just because I lost some blood?"

John shrugged again and grinned sheepishly. "I'm just a fly boy."

"But?" Her fingers found his hand and wrapped cold around it.

"Bleeding like that messes up the whole system." He gestured down his body with his free hand and dropped the screwdriver he was playing with. "It'll-"

"Get better." Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to think about anything but her stomach. "Have I mentioned I can't stand being sick to my stomach?"

John chuckled softly and slid a little closer. "No."

"I can't. It just drives me crazy. Everything you do makes it worse, and even if you don't do anything-" Elizabeth dropped her head to her knees again.

"If you don't do anything you're still sick." John finished for her and watched her knucles whiten as she held his hand. "Why didn't he come to Atlantis?" He couldn't believe himself. He should know better than to ask difficult questions. All he was trying to do was keep her talking and he had to keep bringing up the man who'd dumped her.

"Who?" Elizabeth's head came up for a moment, but her grip got tighter on his hand.

"Simon." John studied his boots intently, too nervous to look at her face. His voice in his head reminded him he was an idiot. "If he was a doctor he could have applied, come with us to the city on the Daedelus with all those other scientists."

"He did. I mean he applied." She covered her mouth with her hand again, squeezing his fingers even harder. Elizabeth let go suddenly and wrapped her hand over her stomach. "Carson would have picked him, he just wouldn't sign-" shaking her head slowly she stopped speaking and swallowed again.

"The non-disclosure?" John guessed lightly, trying to keep her in the conversation. Elizabeth shook her head and closed her eyes. "The commitment to a year?" He guessed again, and this time earned the slightest of nods.

"Just couldn't commit." The back of her throat stung from stomach acid. "Not to a mission like this. He called me the explorer."

John finally gave up and put his arm awkwardly around her shoulder. "You are."

"No." Elizabeth turned her head too quickly and felt her stomach flip. "I'm not."

"You're the leader of the first human settlement in another galaxy." John waved his hand around the gate room. "And I'm told it's a very impressive settlement. Especially when we have lights."

"But I'm not extraordinary." Elizabeth insisted as she momentarily forgot to be nauseous. "I'm the one the IOA picked because Kinsey wanted Hammond out. I'm not a genius like Rodney. I can't sense the Wraith coming. I can use my computer to read reports and play solitaire, not save the day."

"You're not even a freak who has a ten thousand year old gene that lets him fly antiquated spacecraft." John's exaggeration made her smile slightly.

She tried to shake off her dark mood. "You fly them pretty well."

"You understand people pretty well." John offered firmly. "You've managed to talk to the Genii without wanting to kill them." He looked so serious that Elizabeth managed to smile. "You sat across from a Wraith queen and didn't even blink." He paused, saving his favorite part for last. "Oh and something you said to the bureaucrats must have been damn convincing to make someone like me to Colonel."

Elizabeth shook her head and relaxed enough to rest her head on his shoulder. "It's been a few days since you mentioned that, Colonel."

"I like to spread it out a bit. So it's a surprise when I say it." He wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to discuss them kissing, but she was perfectly content to rest against his shoulder. He enjoyed the weight and the smell of her hair. Even unshowered, exhausted and tired, she was beautiful. Staying here, with her eyes half-closed and the hint of a smile on her face, was better than anything he could currently remember. "Well, when you feel up to it, we should get back to work."

Elizabeth nodded and paused a moment before she tried to stand up. "I'm a little better."

John pulled her to her feet and his traitorous mind contemplated kissing her again. She was so close that he could have counted her eyelashes. "Might as well get our work done while we can."

"That's the spirit." John settled down to the floor and ripped up a second tile. Waiting to speak until she finished tying back her hair in a knot, he met her gaze with one of his gentler smiles. Something in his brilliant green eyes had gone soft. "You should know," he paused slightly. "Anyone who wouldn't travel across galaxies for you doesn't deserve you."

Feeling her blush spread scarlet across her face, Elizabeth stared down at the conduit and forgot how to use her hands. It was some time until she remembered anything at all.


	6. letting go

"Again!" He snapped sharply from the void behind her head. Elizabeth tried not to flinch as his boots thumped behind her. John's voice cut across the firing range as if it was a shot itself. The pistol bucked in her hands and she fired five times into the paper target.

"Again."

Five more shots and her hands started to sting from the recoil. He walked behind them stiffly, watching the targets as intently as he watched their positions. He nudged Elizabeth's elbow, forcing it into a better position. "Carson, lift your right arm." John paused for a moment, waiting for the correction before he walked over and moved the other man the way he wanted. "Again."

Five more shots and her eyes were starting to hurt. The black and white of the target melted together in her vision. John's voice rang through her head over the echoes of the shots.

"Again," he paused. "Reload and fire." The rhythm faded to somewhere inside of her becoming part of her heartbeat. Wait, fire, reload and fire. It went on until her fingers cramped around the grip.

"All right, put 'em down."

Carson thudded down to the deck. "My hands aren't ready for this. Bloody thing's worse than trying to repair an intestine."

Rodney wandered up to his target and ripped it down. With the power out, the target range had to be run entirely by hand. "I think I'm getting better. Check it out, there's at least five or six in the center ring." Grinning cheerfully, he started towards the cafeteria. "Yep, definitely starting to get better."

"Tomorrow after dinner the Sheppard school moves on to ARGs." John promised them cheerfully as he let go of his drill sergeant manner. Visibly starting to relax, he grabbed Carson's gun from the floor and pulled him to his feet. "Of course that's only after we all complete another round of fix the city."

"I think I want to try a new game," Carson commented and sighed softly as he followed John towards the door. "Me hands are tired. It's like the first time we got Nintendo. Me brothers and I played for two days straight. I thought I'd have to pry me hands off of the controller."

Elizabeth smiled through her exhaustion at her team.

Rodney had a brilliant grin for her in response, holding his target like a prized Ancient artifact. "Want to bet me who'll be best tomorrow?"

"I'll bet you first choice of the power bars." Elizabeth replied with as she tried to hang onto her smile.

John waited for her, following so he was last out of the room. "How's your leg?"

"Numb," Elizabeth answered softly, smiling through an errant curl of hair that refused to stay behind her ear. "It's kind of nice."

"Wanna go for a walk?" He blushed slightly, something she could barely see in the dark hallway. "A short one, considering your situation."

"A short walk," she repeated as she stopped for a moment. "Might end up being very short."

"It'll be fun?" He offered raising his eyebrows slightly, as if he was testing his own idea.

Elizabeth wrapped her arm around his, letting him lead down the hallway. She was so tired her whole body felt as numb as her leg. "Fun." Elizabeth checked the safety and dropped her pistol on the table with the rest. "You might need to define that for me."

"It's a tough word. New concept really." John set the pistols he carried down on the table. He turned over his shoulder to Rodney. "If you clean these, I'll take your turn at dishes."

Rodney jumped to the table of weapons. "Don't have to tell me twice."

Elizabeth couldn't help smiling. Rodney's glee at escaping his least favorite chore was infectious. "You don't mind?"

Shrugging as he extended his arm to her, John shook his head, "Nah. Dishes are easy and it's nice not to have to think for awhile."

"Like solitaire." Elizabeth sighed and remembered sitting in her office when Atlantis was a living city. "Something you can do when your mind needs a break."

"Exactly." John helped her up the steps in the main towers. "Come on, I want you to see this."

Biting her lip covered her wince. "How many stairs?"

"Not many." John gave her both of his hands. "Trust me."

She stopped on the landing, still holding his hands. Her heart was racing too quickly in her chest. "I've always trusted you John." Elizabeth grabbed the railing and continued up without him.

John watched her back as she headed up, noting how her limp returned when she was tired. "Is that why you told me..." His hand closed over hers on the railing, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. "...about Simon?"

"I-" Elizabeth started, but couldn't turn around. She wasn't sure if she'd finish if she had to look at him. "I owed you."

"You owed me?" He followed her up, staying just one step behind her. "Why would you-"

"I should have told you." Elizabeth closed her eyes and turned around. "I trust you with my life. I lay it in your hands without the slightest hesitation. I should have been able to confide in you."

"I didn't send a message because I couldn't think of anything to say." John offered in trade. "When everyone sent messages home, I didn't send one because I didn't know what to say."

"To your parents?" Elizabeth sank to the landing, giving up on her legs when both of them refused to respond.

John sank next to her, letting his hands fall into his lap. "My dad's all I have left. We've just never been close. I sent him a letter when I got promoted. He likes to hear the good things."

"Did he write back?" Elizabeth twitched her fingers, noticing the red skin that was waiting to become a callus.

"He doesn't really do that." John shrugged and ran a hand nervously through his hair. "Maybe if I make general."

Elizabeth reached for his hand and took it. "I'll see what I can do."

He turned his head, meeting her eyes directly. "You keep doing that."

"What?" Her grip tightened instinctually.

"Making me feel better." John got to his feet, dragging her up with him. "I want you to see this. I'll carry you back down if I have too, but I think this is worth seeing."

Sighing theatrically, Elizabeth let him take her further up the stairs. "You might just have to."

"Still tired?" John's hand sent warmth through her arm. Warmth her body was too tired to produce on its own.

"I must have picked up something on Earth." Sweat broke on her forehead, dampening her hair as it faded. "A flu bug or something."

"Just tell your virus it's not welcome in the Pegasus Galaxy." John finally stopped in front of a doorway and fiddled with the crystals until it opened.

The upper observation deck was something she'd seen before, when it was above the water it had been beautiful. Now it was astonishing. Water was all around her, as if she'd stepped into the ocean itself. Without John's flashlight the only light was the thin blue that poured through the water. Far above the surface gleamed silver in the darkness.

"Worth it?" John whispered behind her head.

Startled out of the water, Elizabeth nodded dumbly. "Yes." Her voice did work after all, for a while she'd doubted she even remembered how to speak.

His thumbs found the top of her neck, running gently over the tense muscles he found there. A shiver ran all the way down her neck. She turned around faster than she thought she could still move. He caught her, pulling her closer. Elizabeth's head ended up on his chest, tucked beneath his chin. She sighed heavily, relaxing into his scent. So rarely did she ever let go, that she barely understood what she felt.

John moved his head back and forth, feeling her hair move in waves under his chin. "Tired?"

"Too tired." Elizabeth closed her eyes again, pretending she could hear the ocean. "I just can't get myself going."

"You'll bounce back." He ran his hand up her back, warming her shoulder. "You've always been springy."

"Springy." Elizabeth laughed, nearly pulling out of his arms as she doubled up. "I like that."

"You're positive. Sometimes I think you're crazy, but you're positive." John released her, letting her lean against the railing until the giggling stopped.

She should have been able to control herself, but something kept setting her off. "Springy. Like a tree?"

"Like a little tree." John corrected with a grin. "A baby one."

She only laughed harder, gasping for air between fits. Sinking to the floor, her head dropped to her hands. Her eyes started to tear up and John dropped to his knees next to her, his amusement turning to concern. "A baby tree. I'm sorry-" Elizabeth covered her mouth and wiped tears from her eyes. "I think that's-"

"The stupidest compliment you've ever gotten." Sulking slightly, John leaned back and stared up at the surface.

"Certainly the most original." She took a slow breath, trying to contain her laughter. Elizabeth was so tired that even John's pout was amusing. "Thank you." She quieted her giggles, thinning her lips into a fine line. "I appreciate it."

"I work hard to impress you." John teased as seriously as he could. "Stay awake at night, trying to find a way to beat you in a verbal sparring match."

With the railing she managed to regain her feet, smirking so strongly that her lips stung. "You're going to have to sleep less."

John stopped her at the head of the stairs, cupping the back of her head with his hand. "As you wish." His pout gave way to that cryptic smile, as if he had turned the tables on her without Elizabeth even seeing it coming.

"Now, the shortest straw gets dishes. We've gotten behind over the last couple days so one of you better pull it." Rodney set up the straws in his hand and held them out to "Longest straw gets to make dinner then?"

Ronan grabbed one and waited patiently with it out in front of him. Carson demurred, "Ladies first."

Teyla's was about the same size as Ronan's. She held it alongside his and smiled cheerfully. "It looks like dishes will not be my chore tonight."

"I'm going fishing." Ronon crossed his arms across his chest, already content that he'd won.

Elizabeth's straw was woefully shorter than Teyla's and going by the gleeful look on Rodney's face, it was the shortest. Carson and John picked next. Carson's was definitely the longest but he didn't seem overly bothered.

Rodney nearly skipped away with glee. "I'm sorry," he offered weakly. "It's just that I hate dishes with an abiding passion."

Elizabeth sighed slightly, more exhausted than frustrated with her task. She disappeared into the back room without complaint. Teyla and Ronon wandered off to see if there were any fish in the ocean that could be coaxed up with a long line.

John held up his straw next to Carson's and shrugged. "Feel like trading? I'm in a camp stove mood."

Carson took with a wink. "I'll bet that's what you're really after."

"I just happen to like cooking." John made a face when Carson smacked his shoulder. "All right, all right!"

"She feeling any better?" Carson wondered politely. "She always tells me she's fine, but she's looking a little peaked." He leaned in closer to John conspiratorially. "Her red blood cell count's going to be a bit slow coming back up after an injury like that, but Elizabeth's just not getting better as quickly as I'd like to see."

"I'll be-" John stopped, furrowing his brow a little.

"Sensitive," Carson finished for him and patted him on the back. "That's a good lad."

John waved absently and grabbed the cook stove. He could just as easily make dinner in the back room, where he could be sensitive at the same time.

Elizabeth stood over the sink with the lantern balanced on the counter next to her. The sink was full of water, but her hands were resting on the edge. She wasn't moving. He snuck up on her and put a hand on her back. "How's it going?"

She whirled around, startled out of her thoughts. Elizabeth's hands dripped dishwater on his chest. "You-"

"I'm a sneak." He dropped his hands to her shoulders and looked over the sink of dishes. "You're not getting very far."

"I know." Elizabeth shook her head and let his hands steady her shoulders. "I guess I'm just tired."

"We've been working eighteen hour days trying to fix the city." John rubbed his hands down her arms, taking half a step closer. "We're all tired."

"You're not spacing out over the sink." She let him wrap his arms around her waist. "What are we doing?"

"Standing in the kitchen." John's chin found its way to her shoulder. "Not doing any dishes."

"I meant us." The smell of the dish soap turned her stomach. "What are you and I?"

"Unlucky." John teased as he contemplated her ear. He could nibble it all the way across to her neck.

Elizabeth dried her hands on her pants and tried to ignore the smell of the soap. "You traded for this."

"Right." John's fingers intertwined around her waist, settling there permanently. The pressure almost helped her stomach. "You're unlucky and I'm a sucker."

"Better." Closing her eyes for a moment felt lovely, they'd been open so long the itch behind them had turned into a full blown headache.

Settling deeper into her shoulder, John turned his thoughts to food. "What do you want for dinner?"

Shaking herself out of being comfortable, Elizabeth returned to the dishes with gusto. "I don't think I'll eat."

He let her work and started looking through what he had to work with. "Stomach messed up again?" John didn't need to ask. He'd watched her hide half of her uneaten power bar that morning, and sat next to her when she picked at lunch. Whatever was bothering her was still a problem.

"It comes and goes." Elizabeth offered pathetically as she turned away from what seemed like an overpowering smell of soap and the remnants of Tava bean stew. Turning her back on the sink seemed safest.

John stopped fiddling with the flame on the cook stove. "Something the matter?"

Elizabeth crossed the kitchen and stopped by the empty cabinets. "I just can't handle the smell."

Curiously checking the sink, John had to admit that he didn't smell anything. "What smell?"

"Lemon and leftover MREs." Crossing her arms across her chest defensively, Elizabeth tried to describe it better. "Something rotting?"

"It's just soap." John dug around for a while, soaking his hands up to the wrists. He collected a pile of bubbles and blew them towards the empty half of the kitchen. "Seems all right to me."

"I'm going crazy." Elizabeth sighed as she pulled herself up to sit on the counter. Her hand covered her nose, but her eyes carried her apology. "I really am. I can't do dishes because the smell of them makes me nauseated? What is that?"

"I'm sure it's nothing. I've probably just ruined my sense of smell by being in the military." John dug around in the bubbles until he found a sponge. "I'll wash, you can finish putting packets of spaghetti into my boiling water."

"Have I mentioned I miss our cooks?" Her feet thumped lightly on the floor. She barely limped at all now, and Carson was nearly ready to remove her stitches. "Especially the younger one, who's English wasn't that-"

"Englishy." John stacked soapy dishes in the sink of his right, waiting until he had enough to rinse. "Made a good goulash."

Six packets of powdered sauce and dry noodles dropped neatly in the boiling water as she stirred. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit there's such a thing as a good goulash."

"Maybe next week when we've eaten most of the good MREs." John ran his rinse water and turned to watch her stirring. "Better?"

"Yes." Elizabeth's smile was genuine. "I told you. It comes and goes. Sometimes I think I'm going to throw up, but sometimes I feel completely normal."

"Weird." John tightened his eyebrows, wondering if he'd failed entirely at being sensitive. "Ever had it before?"

"No." Elizabeth set her spoon down for a moment and thought harder. "I got food poisoning once in the edge of the Congo, but that was much more intense."

"Instead of wanting to throw up, or even getting to think you wanted to throw up, you just threw up." John turned back to his dishes. "A lot. Saw it every once in awhile, especially when I got stationed somewhere more exotic."

Taking his tactic and sneaking up behind him, Elizabeth made him jump when she touched his shoulders. "I remember thinking afterwards that it was the worst I'd ever felt." She grinned and winked. "Now we're even." Leaving the memory of her smile to tease him, she returned to check on dinner. "Of course I was wrong."

John finished a precarious stack of clean metal dishes with pride. "Oh?"

"Letting Carson dig metal out of my leg trumped it." Elizabeth glanced down at the ruin of her pant leg.

"You're not limping much anymore." John pointed out as he turned proudly from the empty sink.

"It doesn't hurt like it did." Giving John a look as he stuck a spoon into pot of spaghetti to taste it, Elizabeth shook her head slowly. "Don't get me wrong, Carson did a good job. Doesn't even look like it's going to scar."

John examined the line of stitches on her leg as he licked the spoon clean. "It won't, not too badly anyway. Looks good enough to start hand to hand tomorrow."

"More teachings from the Sheppard school of commando tactics?" Elizabeth shut off the stove and waited for him.

"I'm thinking of calling it the Sheppard School of kicking Replicator ass." John snuck his hand around and into hers. "Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Her sleeping bag rustled at his side. They'd started out nearly a meter apart when he'd first set out the sleeping bags. Night by night they'd gotten closer and closer together. Now when Elizabeth moved in the dark, he felt it. He felt her stirring stop when she fell asleep. Today he'd awakened with her head on his chest. John's hand slipped into her hair. McKay had started giving both of them odd looks whenever they were together.

Carson kept coming up with reasons for them to be together. He always chose Rodney as his sparring partner. They'd had two weeks of this. Sleeping in a group on the floor of the cafeteria, crawling across the floor from breakfast until just before dinner. Sheppard's school of Replicator ass-kicking had advanced to hand to hand and strike team tactics, but they were all tired.

Rodney's insistence on an early start became less enthusiastic every morning. Carson was getting grumpy. A lucky blow of his during a sparring match had left a deep black bruise on Rodney's cheek. Teyla had gotten tired and quiet. She was still the first one up every morning, but she'd started brewing her tea stronger each time. Elizabeth seemed to function on some kind of autopilot. She was paler every morning and the skin of her face had gotten tight over her cheekbones.

John brought his other hand up to her shoulder, holding her closer. He still had a few minutes before Teyla came to shake him awake. It was these moments he savored, the quiet when all he had to think about was the weight of her on his chest. He wasn't tired when she touched him. He could always find a way to smile when she looked at him. It was weird. With Elizabeth curled up alongside of him, the floor didn't feel hard.

Teyla's footsteps moved softly through their camp. He'd squandered his time before daybreak. John shook Elizabeth gently, trying to rouse her as sensitively as he could. She moaned and clung tighter to him. "Come on Elizabeth, time to drink tea and pretend its coffee."

Shaking herself awake, Elizabeth nodded and retreated back to her own sleeping bag. "In a second."

Rodney was already taking his breakfast and retreating to the lab. He waved to John curtly with a hand full of a power bar. "Morning."

Carson yawned his way through his greeting. His beard just made him look scruffier in the weak light of their lantern. "See you for lunch." Though they all returned at the end of the day, everyone was so strained that avoidance had become part of their standard behavior.

Ronan departed as well, raising his eyebrows at John in the way that made him feel like he'd been caught in the cookie jar. "Later."

"I will see you at lunch?" Teyla wondered gently as she poured John the darkest cup of tea he'd ever had.

"We'll see you." John promised as he gulped down his tea and poured himself another cup. Teyla's hunting tea was usually weak, pleasantly earthly and a poor substitute for coffee. When over-brewed it was bitter, caustic and a poor substitute for bad coffee. He dipped one of the precious chocolate peanut butter power bars into the brackish tea and tried to decide if it helped the taste of his tea, or ruined his power bar.

Elizabeth kept her eyes shut, hoping if she just didn't move, her stomach would calm itself down. Instead of quieting, it leapt into her throat. Her feet brought her to the kitchen. Her chest clamped down tight and she lost control. Her stomach finally followed through on its threat of revolt.

Stomach fluid spilled from her mouth, burning the back of her throat. Her eyes teared up as she gasped for air. Her stomach convulsed again, tightening all the muscles in her back. Clinging to the stone rim of the sink, her palms were instantly slick with sweat. Her tongue felt swollen and fuzzy in her mouth. Acrid and slickly sweet, the smell cut through the air in the kitchen. Fighting to catch her breath, Elizabeth hit clumsily at the faucet until the water came on. Watching it wash away the mess worked for a moment, but then her stomach rebelled again.

She had little to throw up the second time. It didn't stop her from losing the ability to breath for a few seconds. Her hair tumbled out from behind her ears, falling across her face. She cupped her hands to drink, wetting her hair as she rinsed out her mouth. Spitting the water out and drinking again, Elizabeth tried to get the horrible taste out of her mouth.

"Here." John tucked a cup into her hands. "Easier." His hands stayed with her, steadying her grip as she filled the cup. He guided the half-full cup to her mouth and let her drink it. "Spit it out again," he suggested as he filled the cup a second time. Letting her swallow a few sips, he dried his hands on his shirt and put a one hand on her forehead and the other on the back of her neck.

"What are you doing?" Elizabeth wondered as she left the cup in the sink.

"No fever." John offered simply as he led her over to the counter. Lifting her up and sliding her back, he smiled comfortingly. "Thought you were getting better."

Elizabeth tried to come up with something to say. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and leaned back against the wall. "I was."

"I know you want to be." John pulled himself up on the counter next to her. "I know the last thing you want to do right now is be weak. Be sick, let us down." Folding her hands tightly in her lap, she tried to warm them by forcing them between her thighs. Without saying anything he reached across and took her hands. Even damp, his were warmer and heat bled into her chill fingers.

"I'm not sick." She insisted feebly. Even with her stomach empty, nausea still threatened her control. Elizabeth took her hands back, crossing her arms across her chest instead.

"Okay." John remained maddeningly calm. He looked over at the sink and back to her. "Then why are you throwing up?"

"Oh I don't know." Elizabeth offered with more venom than she intended. "For two weeks I've had little sleep and nothing to eat, but power bars. And it seems so damn easy for the rest of you." Hopping off the counter, she started to pace angrily. "Teyla and Ronan are used to living in the woods and eating whatever they find. God, Rodney even likes MREs."

"We're all stressed." John smoothed over gently. He studying his fingernails and waited for her to tire herself out. "Carson's getting better at fighting because it's a good outlet for his aggression. Teyla makes her tea stronger every morning. Ronan spends his free time fishing in an ocean that can't possibly have anything we could catch. Rodney's just busy. If he ever gets unbusy he'll be miserable."

Her rage started to fade, reminding her that more than anything, she was tired. John swung his feet back and forth lazily. "We're almost done with the gate. We'll all feel better when we're not trapped here anymore. You gotta admit you miss the sky."

Elizabeth could not be comforted. Exhaustion ruled her mind and ran through her body in waves. "How do you keep yourself going? How can you sit there and act like everything's going to be all right." She narrowed her eyebrows and advanced on him. "We were lucky no one was seriously hurt when we took the city. How many surgeries can Carson perform without anesthetic?" Kneeling down, she angrily ripped the gauze from her leg, exposing the line of bright green stitches in her pink skin. "How much damage can the six of us really do against a whole city of Replicators that understand Ancient technology enough to actually build ZPMs?"

"Aren't we just deluding ourselves?" Elizabeth balled up the gauze in her hands and threw it onto the floor. "Convincing ourselves that somehow any feeble response we can come up with will make a difference?"

John finally slid off the counter. When his feet hit the floor, he came up swinging. "Where the hell is this coming from?"

"What?" Shocked away from her fears, she recoiled slightly.

"What happened to you never saying die? Never giving up? Always being the one-" John tried to speak, but she cut him off.

"Maybe I can't-" Elizabeth snapped over him and he caught her hand, pushing her back towards the sink. "You can't expect me to have a bottomless reserve-"

John held her hand in an iron grip. "Who never, ever let me give up." He flattened her between him and the sink, feeling her breasts give in and he pressed against her chest. His free hand cupped her chin, searching for the strength he knew had to be in there.

"What do you want from me?" Her voice cracked, running out of anger and faltering. John's green eyes froze her heart in her throat.

"You asked-" His fingers loosened, no longer threatening the circulation in her arm. "You asked me what kept me going."

Elizabeth shivered under his gaze, feeling her anger melt into shame. Her stomach knotted again. "John, don't."

"You." His hand dropped from her arm, but when she tried to turn her gaze, both hands caught her chin. "I know you never give up. You always manage to smile. No matter what happens, being with you, Elizabeth," he told her as his voice softened to a whisper as exhaustion settled into his shoulders. "Is enough for me." John held her a moment longer. Keeping close enough that she could see the pulse of life in his neck and feel his breath as he sighed in defeat.

"Maybe we should work separately today." John's hands dropped away like stones and he turned his back. Without looking over his shoulder, he paused, "I hope you're feeling better."

Elizabeth sank to the floor, completely deflated by her failure. Her stomach knotted with guilt, twisting together with the remnants of nausea. She'd done it now, pushed him past his breaking point and left him as desolated as she was. The floor was cold and her back tightened against the metal behind her. Her chest was so tight it seemed like breathing would be impossible. Stinging behind her eyes burst through her tear ducts. She wasn't going to cry. Crying would waste energy and leave her worse than she was. Her hands were dry and rough as she wiped the tears away. Getting to her feet, she forced her emotion down into her stomach.

There was nothing left to do but work on the city. Making sure they were physically safe would have to come before her heart. If she lived until tomorrow, she might know what to say. Picking up the toolkit brought old complaints from the muscles of her back. Everything hurt but Elizabeth let herself go numb. Her feet mattered until she reached the hole in the floor of the corridor. After that all she needed were her hands. Aching as they repaired a crystal, her fingers moved on to the next.

When her eyes grew tired she worked blind. Feeling the chill of the crystal fade when power returned. Working in her self-induced coma, gave her too much time to think. John wandered into the back of her mind and refused to leave her alone. His eyes went dark and sad, fading like the sea at twilight. His smile failed to stir his lips. She'd done that to him. She'd gutted him.

Debating for only a moment, Elizabeth left her toolkit where it was. Crossing her arms over her chest, she felt her stomach ease as soon as she started to walk. The crystals would have to wait; she had other repairs to make first.

"Dammit." Dropping the tiny electric tool, John stuffed his fingers in his mouth. Tasting blood and burned flesh, he grimaced and sat up from his work. "Stupid..." He pulled them out of his mouth and studied the damage. His pointer finger would be fine, but his middle finger had a nasty burn that was already starting to blister. He should have been paying more attention.

He should definitely not be thinking of the way Elizabeth's breasts seemed to have become fuller. Maybe it was the change from red to black, some kind of optical illusion. He couldn't really ask anyone. His fingers were forgotten as his mind wandered down her body. John sighed and tried to force himself back to work. Hurting his hand was a lousy reason to stop, he reminded himself. Checking his finger again to make sure the bleeding had stopped, he stuffed his arms back into the floor.

He hummed to himself as he went, missing the sound of footsteps as she approached. John was repeating the theme to "Monday Night Football" for the fourth time when she touched his shoulder. Jumping out of his hole in the floor, he nearly wrenched his shoulder as he got to his knees.

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth pulled back, losing her resolve as soon as he looked at her. "I didn't mean-"

"It's okay." Her hand was off of her shoulder, but he desperately wanted it back. John got to his feet slowly, waiting for her to make the first move.

Elizabeth sighed heavily, feeling the air pour out of her chest in a flood. "I wanted to apologize. What I said earlier was-"

He quickly waved her quiet. "I said it was okay. You've been sick. You're tired-"

"It's no excuse." Correcting him firmly, Elizabeth took a tiny step towards him.

John shook out his injured fingers, trying to knock the pain out of them. "I don't need you to apologize." One corner of his mouth rose in the ghost of a smile. "I understand."

She caught his wrist, lifting his injured fingers to examine them. "Are you hurt?"

"Just clumsy." John tried to ignore the tingling sensation her fingers sent up his arm. "Messed up and burned myself."

"It's tougher doing this alone." Elizabeth dropped to the floor, finishing his circuit neatly.

"Yeah." John sat down next to her, watching her hair fall elegantly across her cheek as she worked. "It sucks. I-"

Her head shot up, stopping him mid-thought. "You have nothing to apologize for. You've been wonderful. Really wonderful."

"I didn't-" John's protesting came to a halt when she caught his arm.

"You've been patient, caring, and more than understanding. You've taken care of all of us since we arrived." Elizabeth watched as he took her hand. He cradled it, slowly turning her hand until it slipped easily into his own.

"That's my job." Wondering how her fingers could be so delicate, John ran his thumb across the back of her hand.

Spilling light from her eyes, her smile erupted like a sunrise. "You're above and beyond the call of duty."

"Just bucking for another promotion." John teased lightly, feeling his concern disappear into her smile. "General John Sheppard just has a lovely ring to it, don't you think?"

Helping him slide the stone back in place, Elizabeth just sat and stared at him. His lips twitched, as if he had gotten the joke she'd missed. Finally, she had to look away before he overwhelmed her.

John waited, studying the line of her sleeve and remembering the perfect expanse of skin beneath her sleeve. Out of all the confusion of that morning, his glimpse of her naked back had stayed in his memory. "What?"

"I didn't say anything." Elizabeth offered weakly as she felt the stone seep cold through her legs.

John's finger traced the nearly invisible line of the floor tile. "I thought..." he trailed off.

Stubble scratched against her hand when she reached for his face. "John..." She cut off as her voice failed her again. "...I do need to say something."

He stopped drawing circles on the floor. His heart stopped in his chest. His own voice echoed in from kilometers away. "Okay." Looking up was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. Her eyes bored into him, scaring his mind clean of thoughts of her skin as if she'd been reading his mind.

Elizabeth blinked once, struggling against the dryness in her mouth. "I count on you." Pathetically trying to keep her composure, she bit her lip before she admitted, "You make sure everyone comes home. You're the great protector. The one who holds us all together." The hand on his face moved across his cheek. Her eyes were too bright. "I'm always helpless, standing up there in command."

"You're never helpless." John felt her fingers leave a cool trail across his upper lip. Shivering slightly, he turned his head back into her hand.

"I send you." Elizabeth insisted as her hand ran down his neck. Her fingers stopped on the edge of his shirt collar. "You're my champion." John stopped her hand from dropping any farther, catching it like a wandering leaf. "The receiver who always catches that impossible pass."

"See I'm actually a terrible receiver." John felt the blood burning his face. "My hands are really kind of pathetic."

Elizabeth crushed his protests with a kiss. Her tongue invaded his mouth, reminding him that there were some things he couldn't joke his way out of. Her hair tickled his cheek and the hand he held found its way to the back of his neck. It slid down his back, finding the hem and sneaking inside his shirt.

John jumped back, crashing into the wall in his surprise. "We really shouldn't," he pointed out as his heart pounded like a helicopter rotor in his chest.

Getting carefully to her feet, Elizabeth lowered her hand to him. "Let go." Her voice was softer than he was used to. Her eyes were deeper.

He reached up, pushing himself up to meet her. John's knees quivered, reminding him of his first time in a fighter jet. She looked around, searching the hallway for a familiar doorway. Finding her target, Elizabeth pulled him towards the crystals controlling it. Their hands collided as they realigned the center crystal, sending a jolt up her arm.

The door hissed softly, losing its seal. Elizabeth pushed him back against it, surprising him with her ferocity. John held back, trying to ignore her hands in the belt loops of his pants. "Are you sure?" He asked finally, shivering again when she kissed the edge of his jaw.

"I want you." Elizabeth pulled back, studying the conflict in his face. "I can hear a thousand reasons why I shouldn't shouting in my head."

"You're not thinking clearly." John argued, feebly keeping her half an arm's length away. "You..." Elizabeth's smile made it impossible to remember what he was going to say. "...are beautiful." John dropped his hands to his sides, losing his will to fight. He turned them around, opening the door and pushing her into the empty conference room as he left his sense behind him.

He returned her kiss, experimenting with the curves of her lips. Elizabeth giggled slightly as she pulled away. Teasing as she backed up to the table. His hands were on her hips when she slid back onto the table. Fingers found the ribs beneath her skin, running down her spine. She jumped, shivering as he found a sensitive nerve.

John backed away, feeling his heartbeat rush in his chest. "Is this right?"

Elizabeth shook her head, reaching down to unlace her boot. One of them thudded down onto the floor. "Are you always so talkative with women?"

"No," John replied numbly as he watched her remove her second boot and drop it to the floor. "Women don't make me nervous." He should take off his shoes. He knelt, fumbling with the laces. "You make me nervous."

"Me?" She wondered gently, feeling the cold air of the room through her socks. Her voice cut through his unease, lilting through his head. "Come here." Her chin bobbed slightly as she smiled involuntarily.

John stopped in his tracks, feeling more naked under her gaze than he'd been back on Ceol. He left his boots by the door. His feet padded silently across the stone-like floor. "Okay."

"Let's try this from the beginning." Elizabeth suggested as she took a deep breath. Her skin tingled, as if the room was filled with a static charge. One hand caught his arm, gently easing him closer. His lips were cool against her own. Her tongue flicked against his, searching for his permission. John moved his head, tilting for a better angle.

His nose pressed against her cheek as he whispered, "Okay." His hands slipped between her and the table, running around the curve of her hips before they crept upwards.

Delicate fingers dug into his back, dancing up towards his neck. The shivering came again, leaving only curiosity behind. Wrapping his arms around her back made it easier to kiss her. Elizabeth slid forward on the table, running one leg up his thigh.

One of her teeth nicked his lip and her apology came out in a giggle. "Sorry."

He ran his finger over his lip and shrugged. "Didn't think you were the type. I'll try to keep up." He winked and dove into her neck, nibbling up to her ear.

She gasped and pulled him closer. His hands found her skin just beneath her black shirt. The fabric gave, letting him run them up her back. Elizabeth turned her attention to his shirt, and stopped kissing him long enough to yank it over his head. Surprise made him pause, realizing how vulnerable he was. The only sound was their breathing and the occasional whisper of clothing.

John took his time with her shirt, easing it up her stomach as he discovered the skin beneath. As he pulled it up over her bra, the blush crept over her cheeks. "Beautiful," he pronounced with a shy smile. Her breasts swelled within the simple black cotton of her bra. The curved wires sat firmly on her chest. He was so distracted by them that she had to finish taking off her shirt on her own. Elizabeth dropped her arms to her sides waiting for him to look up.

John's tongue licked across his lower lip. "Wow." His hands hovered over his chest.

Her laughter bounced in her chest. "Good wow?" Elizabeth teased as her blush grew on her face.

"The best wow," John admitted as he finally brought his attention back to her face.

"Better than you imagined?" Her arms snuck around his neck, pulling him closer.

Nodding seriously, he ran his fingers up her arms to her shoulders. "Yeah."

Elizabeth kissed a line across his collarbone, giggling as he tried to lift her head to kiss her. "You imagined?"

He crushed her mouth, kissing the giggles out of her. "Well yeah." His eyebrows insisted he was serious. "How could I not?"

Her head pulled back, tossing her hair down her neck. "Should I take it as a compliment?"" Elizabeth's fingers traced the line down his chest towards his stomach and he groaned under his breath.

"Now who's talking?" John undid the top button of her pants and worked his way down the zipper. He deftly slid her pants down to the table, waiting for her to squirm the rest of the way out of them. The hair on his chest tickled her stomach. The table was decidedly cooler when all she had left were her underwear. John tossed her pants and their shirts up on the table behind her. His pants followed as soon as she freed them from his ankles.

He laid her back, taking the time to examine the long lines of her torso. John slipped easily between her legs, letting her knees box him in. He reached underneath her for the claps of her bra and paused. Fully in awe of the women beneath him, he spent a long, glorious moment sweeping the straps of her bra over her shoulders.

He was warm and solid over her, making up for the heat she lost to the chill of the table. Elizabeth's bra slid off the edge of the table and vanished. John's boxer shorts were soft against her inner thighs. Slowly running his fingers around the lower curve of her breasts, he made his way painstakingly to her nipples. Feeling them harden in response to his touch, Elizabeth pulled him tighter, grinding her body against his.

Cool fingers slipped inside the elastic of his boxers and sent them away. His right hand cupped her butt, pulling her panties down to her thighs. A finger danced along the burning skin of her legs before banishing her panties to the forgotten floor. The muscles of his arms hardened as he moved above her. Desperation rushed through them and demanded more oxygen. Sweat broke on his hairline. The table was finally warm under her back. Tilting back her legs let him into her body.

John's head swam, only her mouth against his drew him back to her and the table beneath his hands. He fought his own desires, reminding himself that patience was the better part. Aching for more speed, his body screamed back as he moved slowly within her. Elizabeth's eyes were locked on his, her fingers digging into the skin of his back stung when her nails turned on him. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, teasing him with the glory of her. His butt was firm and smooth beneath her calf when she moved her leg up over his back.

Her chest shuddered in his arms and Elizabeth's eyes grew wet with tears. The teeth biting her lip turned it as white as her smile. He gave her his hand, bending hers back to the table. He nearly crushed her when his body spasmed in release. Gasping as his senses slowly brought him back to his body; John kept her in his arms. Elizabeth wiped tears from her eyes with trembling fingers. Kissing his cheek gently, still unable to speak, she smiled. Closing her eyes so the lashes picked up the last of the dampness, she sighed languidly.

John rolled back to the table, letting it seep the extra heat of his body. Her hand was still in the hair on the back of his neck when she rolled to lie on his chest. Any hesitation left within him died in her eyes. Quiet contentment radiated from her face, suffusing him with new warmth. Lifting his head enough to kiss her again John let himself relax.

"Wow."


	7. flicker

"Area 51's been trying to recreate the ARG on a planetary scale for years now," Rodney explained. Pacing the dark cafeteria on the edge of the pool of light from the lantern, his hands moved as fast as his thoughts, making his audience rather dizzy. "They haven't made much progress, because the delivery system's been, frankly, out of our league."

Over in the semi-circle of bodies, John wasn't paying any real attention. Instead, as he sat between Elizabeth and Teyla, he focused his thoughts on the small, cool fingers intertwined with his own. Hand-holding seemed like an elementary stage of courtship, something he should have left behind in school years ago; with Elizabeth he'd rediscovered it.

She was obviously paying more attention. "But you think you can come up with something?" Elizabeth prodded. Gently letting Rodney lead up to his brilliant idea without giving away any of the impatience she felt, she waited quietly.

"We use the jumpers as a relay," Rodney began, his eyes glinting with excitement as he started pacing again over the cafeteria floor. "We'll need four of them, stationed equally around the planet." He formed a pyramid with his fingers in front of his chest. "All four of them activate at the same time, firing at a point in the center of the planet. Now, with any luck, the crystals buried inside the planet's structure will amplify and eventually project the energy burst that kills the Replicators."

John looked around the semicircle, resting his eyes on each on of the team. "Great," he offered grimly, weakly concealing his disappointment. "We only have three pilots."

Rodney's face fell. "I thought of that," he replied as his shoulders slumped. Pinching his fingers together as if he held the idea between them, he sighed. "We could try it with three, but it's impossible to get a three-dimensional blast without a fourth jumper." Shaking his head, he fell silent for a moment. "We should probably just concentrate on getting the gate fixed. Call Earth, and see if they can help us. I might also be able to rig something with a beam weapon from an Ancient defense satellite, but it would be messy."

"What about the chair?" Elizabeth wondered suddenly. Her eyebrows narrowed as she formulated her idea. "We tried to remote control the jumpers with the chair before, and that didn't work because..."

"...Because we didn't have enough power, right, but now we do," Rodney cut her off quickly. His eyes widened thoughtfully as he puzzled it over in his head. "With a ZPM it should be easy..." he interrupted himself with a chuckle, "...Easy for me anyway." Collecting his thoughts, Rodney bent down for his toolbox and a flashlight. "I'm going to go..." he pointed down the hallway, "...work on this for awhile. See if I can get power to the chair, etcetera. You can just radio if you need me."

Nodding easily, Elizabeth wished him well before she started to yawn into her hand, "Sorry."

Only John caught her apology, "It's okay. He has that effect on me to sometimes." One of his hands snuck up behind her head, playing with a free curl of hair.

Ronan shrugged and lay back on the floor, hands neatly behind his head. "Any plan that kills the Replicators is a good plan," he mused as he shut his eyes.

Teyla sighed as she straightened their merger pile of rations. "I think it is good that we will have the gate working soon. There is not much left to eat."

"I'd settle for anything that didn't start out in a bag," Carson piped up as he settled in next to Ronan on the floor. "And a room of me own," he added as he rustled his sleeping bag. "Not that I mind yer company, but I do miss being able to be by meself."

John released his lock of Elizabeth's hair and slid his hand down to her lower back. "If we get the gate done early I can try to wire a few rooms," he offered lightly. "We might have to put up with roommates until we get more lights working. These lantern batteries are on their last legs."

"We lost another flashlight as well," Teyla added calmly as she waited for everyone to settle into their sleeping bags. "That leaves us with two."

Carson rolled over in his sleeping bag and sighed up towards the ceiling. "Is it just me or has it been getting colder in here?" he wondered to no one in particular.

"We're drifting," Ronan explained simply. "Can't you feel it? Ever since we lost power, we've lost whatever it was that anchored us in place. The currents must move northward here."

Teyla leaned down towards the lantern, shutting it off once she was sure everyone was comfortable. She agreed as she waited for her eyes to adjust, "Ronan is correct. It will only grow colder until we can reinstate the system that held us."

"Did you bring any winter clothes?" Elizabeth teased John as she moved closer to the extra warmth he provided.

One of his arms slipped over her sleeping bag, pulling her in so she spooned against him. "Didn't think of it," John responded with his voice just above a whisper.

Elizabeth's desires won out against her sense of decorum, and she hugged his arm to her stomach. "Too bad," she whispered back.

Sighing sleepily, John echoed her yawn. "Next time, when I have a little more time to pack…"

Wrapping the fingers of his hand with her own, Elizabeth sighed, "I might hold you to that."

hr 

Morning broke blue under the ocean. The five of them rose as a unit, eating and drinking their breakfast with little conversation. Rodney had worked through the night, and Teyla filled an entire canteen of tea to take to him. Ronan elected to help Rodney, promising he could keep him on task.

John headed for the last stretch between the gate and the power room. His feet dragged along the red-brown corridor. Fifteen days had left him with nearly a full beard. Scratching it as he walked, he tried to remember a time when he'd felt clean. His memory reminded him that he'd been through worse in Afghanistan. Clinging to the memories of hot, blowing grit for days on end made crawling around on the floor in Atlantis nearly pleasant by comparison.

Time faded past him, and the sea grew brighter as the day crept on. John was stretching his hands and staring out the blue window when his radio crackled to life.

"Are you finished?" Rodney demanded from the power room.

John tapped his radio, "Yeah, just waiting for you Rodney."

"Funny," Rodney shot back. "I'm going to try powering it up. Back up from the conduit and wait for my signal."

"Yes, Sir," John quipped back smartly. Sealing the floor tile he'd been working on, he left the hallway behind and headed down to the control room.

She was waiting there, perched on the edge of the stairs down to the gate. Elizabeth smiled at him and the grin crept up to her eyes. "I keep forgetting you have the beard," she teased as she scratched his chin. "Gets me every time I see it."

"I only have it to amuse you," John replied dryly as he sank down next to her. "I have a razor stashed away, but I just don't use it." He stared across at the blue-tinted windows of the Gate room. "Ready to go back to Earth?"

Sighing heavily, Elizabeth hugged her knees to her chest, "No." She ran her hand through her hair and curled tighter. "This is my home. Even when I can't take a hot shower, this city is part of me."

"Would you mind explaining to it that we would like to have all the systems back?" John teased as he stared at the darkened Stargate. "Nothing major, maybe just a nudge in the right direction."

Elizabeth chuckled softly, the low sound in the back of her throat made him smile. "I'll see what I can do," she promised as she followed his gaze.

They were rewarded with Rodney's voice on the radio instead of the familiar dialing of the gate. "I found a problem," he announced grimly. "I'm postponing the gate test and I need everyone down here."

Elizabeth got slowly to her feet, sighing as she worked the stiffness out of her back. "Want to bet what it is?" she offered along with her hand to help him to his feet.

John lowered an eyebrow and shuffled to his feet warily. "What do you want to bet?" he wondered as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Power bars?"

Laughing weakly, Elizabeth shook her head as she tried to think. Pondering for a moment, she leaned in to quickly kiss his cheek. "There," she teased, grinning wickedly.

"What kind of bet is that?" John asked in surprise, tilting his head quizzically.

"It's an ante," she explained lightly as she started down the hallway. "If you win, you get the rest of the bet." Elizabeth's dark brown curls bounced on her shoulders as she turned away.

"Okay..." John's voice trailed off as he followed her down the hallway. Licking his lips nervously, he caught up to her in a few long strides. "What happens if I lose?"

Her feet rang on the metal grating as she started down the staircase. Elizabeth paused, resting her hand on the cold railing as she beamed up at him. "I suppose you'll have to come up with something to offer," she answered.

Hurrying down the stairs after her, John caught her on the landing. Wrapping an arm firmly around her waist, he studied the familiar line of her neck and planted his lips there on the smooth white skin. "I guess I can come up with something," he teased back as he released her to lead the way to the power room.

The hallways in the bowels of the city were deep enough that the ocean outside the few, small windows was an inky blue. Neither of them toyed with being ahead of each other in the darkness. Elizabeth's hand found his and he took it, pushing the nervousness to the back of his mind.

"Should we be talking?" John ventured, as the hallway grew too long and silent.

Elizabeth kept her eyes straight ahead. "What do you want to talk about?" she baited, waiting for his response with her teeth against her lip.

"Sex?" John's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he realized he'd actually said it out loud. He stopped, turning his blushing face down towards his boots. "I meant to say something..." he broke off and wondered if his face could get any redder, "...sauve-er."

Elizabeth chuckled softly into her hand, stopping immediately when John looked up at her. "I like that you're not," she admitted calmly. Shrugging as she resisted the way his eyes begged her to clarify her answer, she watched the blood retreat back beneath his skin. "You're honest."

"I've been accused of that," John agreed with a nod of his head. "It's not usually something that comes with a smile."

His wariness made his lips curl. Elizabeth had to let her memory fill in some of the details in the darkness. She stopped walking, feeling him halt next to her. "I don't want it to be a problem," she began slowly, taking her time to form all the words. "I'm not your leader right now..."

"...but you would be if it wasn't for the Lantians," John finished for her. He twitched his hands in his pockets and searched her face. Elizabeth was more complicated than all the Tolstoy he'd been dragging himself through, he thought to himself. "And that's a problem," he finished as his stomach went cold.

"No!" It was Elizabeth's turn to lose control of her voice. "It's not," she faltered, wishing she could find a way to keep the butterflies quiet inside of her. "I'm not sorry I was with you," she finished, finally finding her strength. "I have a handful of terrible regrets in my life, but you, John..." she cupped his chin, feeling his beard crunch beneath her hand. "...will never be one of them."

Lost in thought for a moment, John pulled her hand down from his face and left it on his chest. " 'The vocation of every man and woman is to serve other people'," he quoted, drawing a nod of respect from Elizabeth. "Been reading ahead on Earth a little," he explained as he tried to put together the rest of his thoughts. "Tolstoy doesn't have to be right all the time. He's dead."

The quick smile brightened her eyes and Elizabeth nodded again. "I want you," she offered with more resolve than she thought she had to spare. Her shoulders straightened and she stared unflinchingly up into his eyes. "I'm just never sure if I can let myself have the things I want."

John wanted to look away and take the time to collect his thoughts, but he couldn't; not with her gaze locked on his. Speaking without thinking, he stopped worrying about sounding stupid. "I'm not going anywhere," he offered first. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued, "And I'll wait."

Elizabeth pulled back, recoiling slightly as she tried to force Simon back to his place in her memory.

John kept her hand, following her towards the gray wall of the hallway. "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that I...I'd do anything for you." He caught her fear fading into a smile and kicked his toe against the floor. "That sounds really stupid when I say it, doesn't it?"

Elizabeth hushed him with a look, "I believe you," she said to rescue him. "John, you have to understand, I have nothing but faith in you. In your sense of honor, your dedication to your duty, in your heart..." She pulled her hand back, nervously wringing her fingers. "I trust you."

"Least one of us does," he muttered as he watched her fingers twist. "Look, forget about Earth, the SGC, and the morons over at the IOA and anything else with an acronym. We might never go back. We might have fried the crystal thingy and be trapped in Pegasus forever. We might die tomorrow." He paused his torrent of words and found the ones he really wanted. "If it was just you and me," John paused, licking dry lips with a nearly dry tongue, "then what?"

Elizabeth blinked once, slowly opening her eyes again. "I'd fall," her whisper hung in the corridor, drifting with the ocean around them. "I'd lose myself. Fall headlong and hopelessly..." Her lips finished her thought without any sound; mouthing the dangerous words instead of saying them aloud.

"You're serious?" John demanded, as he made her silence into meaning. "You really?"

"All my cards are down John," she paused, trying to remember anything she knew about football. "Fourth and goal?" she stopped again, waiting for him to confirm the metaphor was correct. "Honestly? You and me almost terrifies me more than the Wraith..."

Nodding to acknowledge her attempt to reach into his world, John cut her off. "...I don't want you to be afraid of me."

"You I am completely sure of," Elizabeth promised with as much force as she could muster.

Her eyes glistened wet as he watched her. "What about...?"

Elizabeth interrupted his thought, "Me?" Shaking her head and wrapping her arms around her chest for warmth, she sighed heavily. "Let's just say it's easy to trust you."

"Why?" he choked a back a laugh.

Something serious glimmered in her green eyes before it hid behind a smile. "Why not?" Elizabeth ended cryptically as she leaned up and in to kiss his cheek. The scruff of his beard tickled her lips as she pulled back. "Come on," she reminded him gently. "Rodney and the others have to be waiting for us by now."

hr 

Elizabeth was entirely correct. Rodney's impatience was immediately apparent in the fluttering of his hands over the console. A lantern balanced on it lit the room oddly, making the walls of silent computers look like blocks of obsidian. Ronan's hair left shadows like thick trees behind his head and John barely resisted the urge to make shadow puppets with his hands.

"Now that you're finally here," Rodney rebuked John and Elizabeth harshly, "I can explain to everyone how truly screwed we are."

Ronan rolled his eyes, but waited silently beside Teyla.

For her part, Teyla was much more considerate. "What have you discovered?" she asked with patient concern.

John pulled himself up on one of the ledges between computer banks and waited. Carson leaned over Rodney's shoulder, trying to peer at the diagrams Rodney was so concerned with.

"I was trying to activate the chair when I realized I could activate other systems, like long-range sensors, by running them through secondary conduits." Rodney continued fiddling with the controls as he explained, "Then I realized we might not have to go all the way to the Replicators home planet to rescue our people. General O'Neill has the ATA gene, so he was easier to track with ancient equipment.

"There-" Rodney activated a display and pointed at a white dot on the slightly garbled screen. "That's General O'Neill's life-sign. I widened the scan, trying to pick up Mr. Woolsey, or any of the Ancients that might still be alive." He tapped his console again and changed the diagram. Lines of noise crawled up and down over the vague outline of a ship, Elizabeth narrowed her eyes and tried to make out more, but all that she saw were two white human life-signs.

"What can we do to help them?" she asked as she tried to push the harsh memory of having her mind invaded back where it belonged. John slipped off his ledge and moved silently into his place behind her.

"I was thinking about that too," Rodney drummed his fingers on the metal as he waited for the computer to respond. "A ship is a lot smaller than a city. As far as I can tell, it's just some kind of battle cruiser."

"Just a battle cruiser?" Teyla interrupted firmly. "Would not any ship of theirs overpower a jumper immediately?"

"Yes yes," Rodney nodded impatiently and twisted a crystal beneath the panel to get it to display his grand scheme. He had to hit it with his knee to get the computer to come online. "In a fair fight we'd get destroyed before we even had time to think about being destroyed, but we're not going to fight fair."

"Okay..." John's shoulder nudged against hers, sending the cascade effect of his touch racing down her spine.

Elizabeth tightened her jaw, reminding herself to keep her mind in the situation. Rodney had a plan, and by the excitement in his eyes, it was a good one. "What are we going to cheat with?" she prompted.

"I can configure two jumpers to envelop the battle cruiser in a parabolic field that should destroy all the Replicators on board." Rodney's glee shone through his self-satisfaction.

John's eyes lit like a flare had been fired in his head. "We get their ship?" he wondered with a bounce in his knees.

"We get their ship," Rodney confirmed dryly. "And unlimited access to their technology provided that their ships are as connected as they seem to be."

"You're sure your para-thing with the jumpers will kill everyone?" Ronan interjected seriously. He turned his knife over in his hand, watching the light reflect off the blade as he flipped it.

Elizabeth buried her desire to smile. John was still nearly bouncing behind her with his desire to get at a battle cruiser. Teyla's expression was contented. It seemed her faith in Rodney's genius was resolute. Carson seemed terrified, either of the Replicators, Rodney's plan or both, she couldn't help being proud of him. However he felt about the plan, the doctor seemed ready to try it.

"Well, either it works and the Replicators are destroyed..." Rodney's expression darkened a little, and he looked down at the floor, "...or it fails and they kill us."

"Business as usual then," John replied for all of them, adding his debonair smile. "Sounds like fun."

hr 

"I'm going to finish connecting Rodney's device to the drive manifold, meet you in the next jumper?" John's head emerged from the panel in the ceiling of the jumper long enough for him to sneeze. Wiping his nose on the back of his hand, he came down a step on the ladder. "Ten thousand year old dust really gets to me."

"I could do it," Elizabeth offered with a smile. "You don't have to suffer."

"Dizzy spells and step ladders do not mix," John insisted as he disappeared back into the wiring in the ceiling of the jumper.

"I'm not..." Elizabeth stopped protesting, hands falling to her hips are she stared up at him in amazement. "How did you…?"

"You do this funny thing with your eyes," came his muffled reply. "Look, I just have to reach the last connection back-" he jolted out for a second, shaking his hand in pain. "Here by the damn one that keeps shocking me."

"Be careful John," Elizabeth advised gently as she tried to figure out what a 'funny thing' she did with her eyes looked like.

He grunted something into the jumper wiring, and she decided she was better off not bothering him until he'd finished and was back to his usual cheerful self. Leaving him to his work, she wandered up the ramp into the second jumper. Wishing for a moment that the lights would come on for her as they did for John, Elizabeth sank into the pilot's seat and reached for the panel release down by her knee.

Something flickered and she pulled her hand back immediately. Wondering if it was a trick of her tired mind, Elizabeth shook it off and reached again for the switch. The flicker flashed bright on the control panel just next to her head. For a moment it came with a hum, the sound of something building up.

This time she jumped entirely away from the control panel. Elizabeth could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Was she going crazy? Had it all just become too much for her mind to handle? Reminding herself she wasn't the type to hallucinate, Elizabeth crept slowly back towards the pilot seat.

"Pull yourself together," she told herself harshly. Taking a moment to tug her hair back away her face and slow the startled beating of her heart, Elizabeth sat down again in the pilot's seat. As soon as her hands gripped the control panel it came feebly to life with a rushing hum of energy. Despite her surprise, this time she kept her hands on the controls. Light ran up the cockpit window, obscuring the view of the jumper bay with the blue and yellow display.

It only remained a moment before fading, but the jumper remained on. The controls pulsed, waiting for her touch.

"John?" Her voice rang through the bay, reaching him as he finally jumped off the stepladder. Kicking it aside for good measure, John jogged down the ramp of his jumper. His first thought was just that she was getting impatient, she'd been more irritable lately, but something in her voice was different.

"What?" his voice preceded him as he jogged up the jumper ramp. "What is it?" he asked again, as soon as he looked past her head he stopped. "Oh my..." trailing off in surprise, John's hand landed on her shoulder. "You don't have the gene."

Elizabeth shook her head dumbly, "No, I don't."

"How'd you turn it on?" John wondered aloud for both of them.

"I sat down," Elizabeth couldn't move her hands from the control panel. "It just came on by itself."

"Stay there," John suggested firmly. He kept himself back from the console, making sure his presence wasn't confusing the controls. "Just don't move," he insisted. "Don't think about anything either." He backed up slowly, trying to remember where he'd left his radio. "Especially not drones!" he remembered suddenly. "Do not think about drones."

His boots thudded against the hard gray floor as he hurried away. They stopped after a moment, returning long enough for him to peek around the edge of the jumper. "Not drones. Not flying. Nothing, don't think at all," John warned as seriously as he could. "I'll be back."

"John," a hint of warning slipped into her voice and Elizabeth tried to ignore the cold sweat starting in her palms. "Just go."

How long had they been gone? Days? Weeks? She couldn't help feeling that she'd fallen into another universe where the only things left in existence were her and the flickering jumper. It would be better if it really worked, instead of struggling as if the battery was failing. Her head hurt again. Elizabeth couldn't decide if it was the strain of concentrating on not thinking, or the constant concentration of keeping the jumper online.

"How could she possibly get it to work? She doesn't have the gene; you can't spontaneously develop a gene, can you?" Rodney's mumblings carried across the huge space of the jumper bay.

"No Rodney, no one can spontaneous develop a gene," Carson's tone was the sound of reason as the footsteps approached her. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation."

"Logical?" Rodney laughed as he tried to think of something. "I'm completely out of ideas. I can't wait to see what your voodoo comes up with."

John's hands on her shoulders were her first link back to reality. "You didn't fire anything?" he wondered gently.

"I can barely get the damn thing to stay on," Elizabeth realized belatedly how harsh her tone was as she snapped at him. "I doubt I could have done anything." Perhaps her anger forced her concentration, but somewhere in the rear of the jumper the hum of power grew louder.

"It's all right," Carson soothed as he appeared at her side. "He's just a wee bit concerned. It's not everyday someone turns one of these babies on when they couldn't before." His hand caught her arm and squeezed gently. "Least you don't have any helicopters around for target practice."

Dragging over the stepladder from the other jumper, Rodney started checking the jumper controls as he agreed with Carson. "It's possibly just a malfunction," he began as he cracked open the panels in the ceiling. "A malfunction we've never seen in two and a half years of using the technology, which would be a really useful one."

"You just touched it and it came on?" Carson asked with extraordinary calm. Even after two weeks of isolation, his bedside manner was impeccable. "John wasn't anywhere near you?"

"I was in the other jumper," John answered for her as he sank into the co-pilot's chair.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to let the stress out of her chest. "It just came on, like it is now, as if the switch is only flipped half-way," she explained with more exhaustion than she remembered feeling before they returned to her.

"That is weird," Rodney piped up from the back of the jumper. Getting down from his stepladder, he stopped next to Carson. "She's right, in a primitive way. The jumper's been partially powered up, as if she'd plugged it in, but not enough for it do anything."

"Can you get the display?" John wondered as he changed position in his chair. He rested his head on his hands; keeping back from the controls took a lot of will power. He finally stood up again, leaning with his arms over the headrest of his chair and fidgeting with his fingers.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to coax the display up from the panel in front of her. She could see it flicker once through her eyelids, but it was short-lived.

As it faded, Carson leaned down to her shoulder, "Well love, I think I've got it figured out. Can't be a hundred percent sure until I get a chance to examine ye, but I think you've a bit of a medical condition."

"What?" Rodney wondered as he returned to the panels in the ceiling, "A mild case of some kind of ATA virus?"

"No Rodney," Carson corrected firmly. "Elizabeth, maybe we should talk in private."

"Dammit Carson!" she bolted from her chair, instantly killing the light on the panel. Her arms flew protectively over her chest and she glared at him with ice in her eyes. "Just tell me."

"Elizabeth..." he looked down her body, as if he was studying something in her posture that gave it all away, "I think it's fairly obvious that you're pregnant."

The thud in the back of the jumper was followed immediately by Rodney's desperate question; "Excuse me?"

John's expression fluttered for a moment, he tilted his head as if he were trying to remember something. Finally he turned curiously to Carson. "We only had sex two days ago," He admitted haltingly. "How could?" he paused, trying to sort his thoughts, "So soon?"

Elizabeth felt her embarrassment chase color back into her face. Her memory reminded her that she'd tried to put waking up naked with John out of her mind. That she'd tried to forget the way the dark hair of his chest clung to the muscled frame, and the way he smiled when he watched her wake up next to him. She couldn't speak, couldn't find the words to explain to John what must have happened.

Carson only had a soft smile for both of them. His hand closed warm on Elizabeth's stiff shoulder. "Why don't you and John have a little talk while Rodney teaches me how to wire his invention into the jumper?"

She looked at John as if she'd never seen him before. His face should be familiar; the hand reaching for hers should be gripped in response. John's fingers closed firm and warm around her own. Elizabeth felt her stomach leap into her throat. The jumper grew cold around her, and the ceiling seemed closer. Was it closing in?

John tugged her slowly towards the ramp, waiting with eyes wider than she'd ever seen them. His feet led and by some miracle hers followed. The jumper bay faded into the corridor without her feeling like she'd moved at all. Was she teleporting through the city? Was all of it a dream?

Finally, John stopped in a reddish hallway near the living quarters. Some of his tools still sat in a neat pile by one of the doorways. Her knees were nearly too stiff to follow him into the room. He started towards the couch by the wall, but she pulled him back. Waiting for her to lead, he just stood there. His hand started up her arm, but her arms were suddenly around his neck.

Elizabeth pressed against him, clinging to him as if she was drowning in the air around her. For a moment she was still, but when his arms closed around her shoulders they were shaking. Her chest heaved beneath his touch. John stood, rocking ever so slightly back and forth. The weight of her head against him gave way to the wet warmth of tears through his shirt.

He'd never seen her cry. Somehow, John had even wondered if she cried in front of other people at all. For the moment he held on, letting his mind wander away from the strange sounds of her crying. It hadn't even hit him yet, and he wondered what his reaction would be. How would it feel to know he'd fathered a child? What would it feel like when that realization slammed into him?

Shuddering instinctively, he wondered if he should say something. John nearly opened his mouth, but he couldn't. His mind didn't even know how to form words anymore, but he could wait. Anything he wanted to say would sound just as pathetic later when he figured out how to say it. He was sure he'd struggle later. He'd agonize over the twists in the road of fate someday, but for now, he held on.


	8. being

The spanner bounced off the jumper, landing on the floor just past Carson's head. Cursing as he jumped out of the way, the Scot glared up at the roof of the jumper where the spanner had started its descent. "Watch it," he called up.

"Sorry, I forgot you were down there," Rodney snipped from his perch on the roof. "You've been so quiet."

Carson tossed the spanner politely back up at the other man and sighed with his hands on his hips. "What's the trouble Rodney?"

"Nothing..." he lied without attempt to hide it, "...nothing at all. What could possibly be wrong with the fact that you, who I've worked with for two and a half years, you whom I consider one of my closest friends..."

"...you wanted me to tell you Elizabeth was pregnant," Carson interjected into Rodney's rant. Ducking into the jumper out of the way of anymore falling tools, he climbed the step ladder to activate one of the internal circuits.

Sparks cascaded down from the roof with the hissing sound of released energy. Rodney's voice followed a moment later. "They're both my friends and colleagues. I think something like that would fall into the realm of things I should know," he explained; his frustration palpable in his voice.

"Didn't ye see the look on her face?" Carson pointed out firmly. "She had no idea until I told her. She's been symptomatic since before we even left Earth and she had no bloody idea until the jumper came on."

Rodney's feet appeared over the edge of the hatch, followed by his legs and a thud as he dropped to the floor of the bay. "It still doesn't mean you couldn't have warned me, I can be discrete. I mean...wait...you knew then?" he realized suddenly. "Back on Earth?" he continued with begrudging amazement.

"No Rodney, I didn't know," Carson offered, dropping his hands out of his work and taking a step down the ladder. "I had a hunch when she went a wee bit green on the ride to the restaurant," he explained calmly. Taking the last step down to the floor of the jumper, he met Rodney's confusion with calm. "I think it might have been a bit easier on the poor lass if she'd have let me tell her in private."

"She's never been one to do anything the easy way," Rodney added with a slight shake of his head.

"I think it's a prerequisite to join the expedition," Carson chuckled softly. "I wouldn't worry too much. They're certainly not the first, or last couple to be surprised with a baby."

"A baby..." Rodney echoed softly. "I remember finding out my sister was pregnant. I thought she was absolutely insane to give up her life to be home with the kid." He sank to the bench in the jumper, toying with the spanner as he sorted his thoughts. "Do you think they'll go back to Earth?"

Carson's eyebrows narrowed darkly, but then he smiled as light-heartedly as he could. "Ask me if I think any of us will make it back to Earth anytime soon," he replied without much conviction. He joined Rodney on the bench of the jumper, clasping his hands and resting them on his knees. "I can't see either of them leaving Atlantis. It wouldn't be the same without Colonel Sheppard dragging his team into my infirmary," he said as he began to smile. "Or without Elizabeth yelling at him to prove how much she missed him."

"You noticed that too, huh?" Rodney joined his smile. "Do you think they'll be..." his hands gestured nervously, fluttering together finally to land on his lap. "...together for awhile?"

Carson's laughter echoed through the bay. "I don't know if you've noticed Rodney, but they've been a couple for some time now. I think this 'little development' might make it easier for them to admit it to their selves."

"But everything's okay?" Rodney wondered as his concern played across his face. "You're sure Elizabeth and it..." he paused and corrected himself, "...the baby, I mean...I guess...are okay?"

"I haven't examined her yet," Carson protested as he shook his head. "But, Elizabeth's in good health, and provided we all survive the next few months, I know the baby will be too."

Rodney nodded once. Standing up slowly, he stared off into the other side of the bay in thought. "Are we supposed to do something?" he asked innocently. "Get them a gift or a party or something?"

"Probably," Carson grinned easily. "Why don't we rescue the General first and worry about the rest of it later."

"Yeah, right," Rodney agreed quickly as he headed back to the roof of the jumper. "Rescue the general."

* * *

He was supposed to say something. It nagged at the back of John's mind, gnawing at him. Elizabeth's head was still buried in his chest. He hadn't seen her face since the crying started. Having her in his arms was one of his favorite ways to spend his time. This felt like cheating, as if he hadn't earned her being there.

He touched her shoulder, running his hand down her back. "You okay?" he wondered shyly, keeping his voice soft enough that she could ignore him if she wanted.

She stiffened in response, sitting up and pulling away from his chest. The dampness was still there on his shirt, nearly invisible on the black. She shouldn't have given in; Elizabeth chided herself as she wiped her eyes fiercely with her hands. "No," she straightened up next to him, pulling herself together, "Not at all, but it's all right."

"You're always all right," John offered softly as he allowed her to pull back. "I wish once in awhile you'd tell me that you weren't."

"What good would that do?" she asked quickly, trying to smile enough to convince him to leave her alone. Elizabeth wasn't sure that she wanted him to leave, being alone was more terrifying. "Really John, what do you want from me?" Watching his flinch back from her tone, she softened. "I'm..."

"Hey," John cut her off quickly, throwing his hands up in defense. "No pressure, I'm not trying to get anything from you. I'm just here because..." he paused and fell into thought, "I..."

Shaking her head slowly, Elizabeth sighed and lowered it to his shoulder. "Have to be?" she wondered bitterly.

"No," he corrected firmly as he squeezed her shoulders tighter, "I don't have to be. Well, maybe I do..." he rolled his eyes at himself, "...I do. And I want to be. I like being with you."

Starting to laugh slightly, she relaxed into his arm. "That's good," she replied softly, her laughter fading as she grew serious again. "You're going to have a hard time being rid of me. This..." she stopped, sitting up again and rubbing her temples."

"Headache?" John wondered, slipping his hands over hers and taking over the motion. "Crying gives me the nastiest headaches," he admitted softly; finding the tightness in the muscles in the back of her head with his thumbs.

"You don't cry," she corrected as she let him work the tension out of her head.

"I do," he insisted, "There have been a select few Super Bowls that just destroyed me."

Her laughter helped relax the tiny muscles. "Someday you'll have to tell me which ones," Elizabeth baited, reaching up to pull his hands down to her lap. "Thank you."

John squeezed back, freeing one of his hands to wave around the room. Besides the couch, there were two huge windows filled with ocean and a view of the city, a door that promised to lead to a balcony, and a bedroom with one of the few larger beds they'd found. "What do you think?" he quietly changed the subject.

"It's bigger than my last room," her eyes flew around it quickly; she'd barely looked at it before.

"I've been fixing rooms," John explained nervously. "Had everyone else pick one out, but you were so busy I thought..."

"It's lovely," she interrupted.

"I want to move in with you," John finished abruptly; hoping he'd get it out before he lost his nerve. "I've never lived with anyone before, but I'm pretty quiet. I like to read my book. I pick up my socks."

"John..." she stopped, trying to calm herself before she started again. "Isn't this a little quick?"

"We've having a baby," he corrected; sliding off the couch to sit in front of her on the floor. Taking her hand back, he held them tightly in his own, staring up at her expectantly. "I've been thinking about asking anyway. Picked out this room because it's the nicest I've found, came up with a bunch of different ways to ask you."

His hands were warm and heavy on her knees, but the distraction of his suggestion was welcome after the shock she'd had. "John, I don't know," she shook her head, staring over his head with narrowed eyebrows.

"Say yes," he suggested; getting up to his knees to reach her face. "I've come home to an empty place for all of my adult life. I always thought someday I'd meet someone who could put up with me. I've met more people, but it got less and less likely," he let his hand fall back to her lap. "When I met you I couldn't imagine why you'd want me on your team. Couldn't think of a reason to say yes because I'd only end up pissing you off once you realized what an ass I can be.

"But you kept me. You let me in and you made me part of something I lost a long time ago. Until a few weeks ago, I counted you as family. But Rodney, Teyla, Carson, Ronan; they're my family. You're something different," he paused, realizing how foolish he sounded.

"Because I'm pregnant?" Elizabeth wondered harshly. She'd seen his sense of duty before; knew how devoted he was to the people around him. "I don't want you to feel..."

"I don't feel," John snapped back desperately. "I mean, I'm not doing anything. I..." Closing his eyes for a second, he caught up with his racing heartbeat. "...I want you. I want to be here when you wake up in the morning; when you go to bed. I want Elizabeth, not Doctor Weir." Stopping nervously, John fought with his mind. Wishing he could somehow just take everything from his mind and lay it out in front of her, he cupped her face when she tried to look away.

"It's too fast," she whispered. Her hands covered his, feeling the strength in his slender fingers. "All of this is too fast. I used to wonder if I'd have children someday, but I put it out of my mind entirely when I came to Atlantis. I haven't even been on a date in more than a year. Now I'm..."

Her lips were still moving when he kissed her. John felt her gasp before he released her. Meeting her eyes long enough to calm her, he kissed her again. This time she melted into him, leaning forward as he stretched up to meet her. "Let me live with you," he begged softly. "Would it really be that bad?"

"I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be tired. I'm not going to be the best roommate," Elizabeth rationalized as she left the sofa to stare out into the deep blue abyss. "How can you propose this?"

John mouthed the word 'propose' to himself, wondering quietly at her word choice. He studied her back, marveling at the lines of her figure. "I know what I want," he replied simply. "I don't care if you're sick all the time, or if you come home and snap at me every night." Sneaking up behind her, John wished he could wrap his arms around her. "I know how much you work. How much time you spend protecting and caring for everyone else."

"I'm not good at this," she explained without looking away from the window. "I don't even feel like this is happening to me. It feels..." The tears threatened her eyes again, driving the stinging pain of her headache back into her mind. "I came here to save the city. I couldn't let it be destroyed, not when so much has happened here. I never meant to... I'm not supposed too..." Tears glittered in her eyelashes as she turned around, "...I don't know what to tell you."

"I thought you were good at talking," John teased as he reached for her cheek. Stopping just before her skin, he waited; hand in the air as he wondered if he was being too forward.

Elizabeth wiped her own cheek; fighting her desire to just let him take over. "Nuclear weapons are easy," she explained lightly. "Countries are just like people. They have wants, desires, and secrets they are desperately afraid to have brought to life."

"What are you afraid of?" John wondered as he brought his hands back to his pockets.

"Afraid of...?" she trailed off with a shake of her head, "...everything. You, me, never getting the city working again..."

"...being pregnant," John interrupted firmly. "I think I'm, well, I don't really know what I'm expected to do, but I know you. I know what I see in your eyes." He shuffled closer to her, remembering the touch of her skin against his and the taste of the sweat on her neck. "I can help you," he reached out, catching her shoulder, "But you kinda have to let me. At some point you're going to need me."

Shivering slightly with exhaustion, Elizabeth sighed heavily. "I already need you," she whispered finally. "You're my second-in-command, you help me run in the city in so many small ways I could never count them all."

"Colonel Sheppard is your second-in-command," John corrected firmly as he held her a little tighter. "Sometimes you have to just let me be John."

"How can you be sure this is what you want?" she demanded, resolve creeping into her voice. "You don't even know me." Hurt blossomed on his face, surprising her more than she wanted to admit.

"Then teach me," John offered softly, "let me teach you." He released her shoulders, smiling at her with unbridled caring. "After all, it was you that taught me that the unconventional can be exactly what you need sometimes. Right now, I'm what you need. Kids like me." His charming smile and the wink that accompanied it broke through her reserve.

Elizabeth fought her tears again and only partially succeeded. "John," she began, "It's not going to be easy."

"Not if you keep looking at it that way," he insisted as he gently attacked the tears on her cheek with his thumbs, "come here." Drawing her to his chest, he folded her into his arms. Elizabeth remained rigid for a moment, and then her hands dug so tightly into his back that John nearly forgot to breath. "It's okay," he whispered. "You, me, the city, Rodney...We'll all be okay."

"I'll believe you," Elizabeth promised shyly, keeping her head buried in his chest.

"Damn right," John encouraged as lightly as he could. "And about time." He laughed at himself, chuckling softly as he tried to figure out what insanity had led him there.

"I never told you what she told me," Elizabeth began when she turned her head out from his chest, eyes still closed.

"Who?" John asked patiently, rubbing his hand across her back. He waited for her to take a breath before he moved them back to the couch. He was tired, and he guessed she must be exhausted.

"Me," Elizabeth explained, smiling and nodding to him as he sat her down, "The other me, the one we found in the city. She said I needed to be here, right now, that I should stop worrying so much."

"I think she's smarter than you," John teased lightly, offering her the hem of his shirt to dry her face.

Smiling wryly as she wiped her eyes with the edge of his black t-shirt, Elizabeth felt her stomach start to ease. "She has ten thousand years of life experience up on me," she rebutted as she sat awkwardly back on the sofa. John's arm was at her side until she pulled it up over her shoulders. "I think you're allowed," she teased back, grinning a little brighter when his cheeks pinked for a moment. "It seems like there's so much to worry about, especially now, God John, can you really imagine..." trailing off, Elizabeth took his free hand and put it gently over her stomach.

John jerked reflexively, not entirely used to her proximity. He forced his hand to relax and felt the warmth of her body through her identical black t-shirt. "No, I really can't," he offered as he sighed his fear out of his chest. "I wanted, I mean, want kids, I really do like them. I thought I'd be more..." he paused, unable to finish what he meant to say, "Something more at least."

"It doesn't feel any different, does it?" Elizabeth asked him as they shared a nod. "I thought I'd feel something. Ever since Carson..."

"...pointed it out to us," John interjected with a quick grin. "How long do you think he knew?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened in mortification. Sighing as she toyed with John's hand on her stomach, she gazed down as if she'd just discovered her body existed. "Probably longer than he'll ever admit," she decided as her eyes slipped closed again. "It should have been so obvious. I'm not usually so fragile. I was starting to wonder if my body was even on my side anymore."

John held her a little tighter to his side, reminding himself that he'd been all but given her formal consent. "You okay?" he asked as he turned his hand to squeeze the one over it.

"My head's a little fuzzy," she admitted without opening her eyes. "Suppose I should have held it together better. Kept myself from breaking down into a blubbering mess on your shoulder." Her tone belied her annoyance at herself, but the tightening of her eyebrows spoke only of her exhaustion.

"I think that was one of the sweetest things you've done," John argued, completely turning her thoughts around as he continued, "You proved you were human."

"I didn't," Elizabeth replied with mock surprise. "I'm going to have to be more careful. Can't let you know I'm human after all."

"That would really take the fun out of it, wouldn't it?" John joked back as he thought about playing with her hair. He liked it longer, it brought a softness to her face. "Doctor Weir is always serious and most definitely not human," he explained with his voice entirely devoid of emotion.

To his delight she laughed slightly, moving closer to him. "Definitely," she agreed, still laughing to herself. "Most definitely."

* * *

The ocean was dark outside the windows of the gate room. Rodney held his cup in his hand. The steel cup was half full of the last of their coffee because he'd insisted that water just wasn't festive enough. Behind him the brilliant blue rippling surface evaporated with a whoosh as their test run shut down. He took a long drink of his water and beamed at his team from his place on the steps. "Here's to a long time before it goes dark again," he toasted proudly.

John clinked his cup against Teyla's and Ronan's and grinned along. "Just say no to electromagnetic pulses and I think we'll be fine," he added to the toast as Carson joined him in a wink.

"Aye, I think I can die happy if I never have to deal with one of those damn crystals again," Carson tacked on as he drank along with the rest of them.

Elizabeth swirled her coffee slowly and realized it would probably be the last anyone let her see of it for quite some time.

Teyla caught her pensive stare and touched her shoulder. "Is something wrong?" she wondered politely. "You look as if your coffee has offended you."

"I was just thinking I'm going to miss it," Elizabeth replied softly, still staring at her cup. "Carson said I need to give it up."

"And you are," John interrupted, swooping suddenly in to take her cup. "In fact, you're giving it up right now."

Elizabeth couldn't come up with a response. She watched him dump the contents of her cup into his and refill hers with water. John pressed it back into her hands without so much as an apology. She hated feeling helpless, and hated the way everyone seemed to have license to treat her as a child.

"It is probably a good idea, since you are pregnant," Teyla affirmed as she finished the last of her own drink. As the look of surprise flashed across Elizabeth's face she smiled, "Rodney informed Ronan and I. We are both pleased for you, though I must admit to being rather surprised."

Choking slightly on her coffee, Elizabeth finished coughing before she could speak. "You're not alone. I...I mean, John and I were a little..."

"...shocked," Teyla finished for her, "Rodney also mentioned that. He said that you were rendered speechless, something he claims to have never seen before."

Elizabeth shot a glare over to her chief scientist. He obliviously returned her annoyance with a brilliant smile and a wave of his cup. She finished the last of the bitter coffee and closed her eyes for a moment. "It's been a strange day," she sighed; her dizziness made her head feel disconnected from her body and an odd feeling of warmth seeped into her skull.

Teyla watched the color drained from her face and forced her down to the steps with strong arms. "Are you all right?"

"Dizzy," Elizabeth explained as her hand slipped to her forehead. "I'll be gone in a moment."

The simple act of sitting down caught both John and Carson's attention so rapidly that they attacked like vultures before Teyla had the chance to inquire further.

"Are you okay?" John pressed anxiously as he settled down next to her on the stairs. They brought the light with them, setting the lantern by her feet.

Carson caught her wrist, taking her pulse with his fingertips. "It's going a little fast love. Maybe you'd let me examine you?" he suggested firmly.

John nodded quickly, pointing towards the doctor. "Definitely let him examine you," he insisted.

Elizabeth let Carson keep his hold on her wrist, but she shot John a glare of annoyance. "I'm fine," she countered, taking her hand back as soon as it was released. "We're all tired."

"Infirmary," Carson insisted, getting up and dragging her to her feet. "If ye come up fine there, you can yell at me for being wrong then."

John caught her arm, standing beside her and refusing to let go as she stood on her own. Teyla stood back a moment, quiet amusement dancing in her soft brown eyes.

Ronan summed it up, "You're all crazy," he announced. "If she's anything like my sister she'll be miserable every day she's pregnant." He shot Elizabeth an apologetic glance as he stole the last of the coffee from the pot in the center of the room. "Best to stop worrying about it now."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed, but she returned Ronan's smile sardonically. "He's right you two," she began, hating what she was about to say, "I'm probably just one of those really unlucky women."

"You're not going to quit your job?" Rodney interrupted suddenly, "Are you? Because we'd all, miss you, and well, the next commander will probably not be nearly as understanding as you are, and all the scientists would much rather we didn't have a military commander, and you know that's who they'd want to send." He clutched his cup nervously, looking down at the floor when John turned on him. "I just wanted to know," Rodney added defensively, "I think it's a valid question. My sister, who you've met, gave up years of research to have a child. Though the kid is really cute, she should have kept up with her field."

"I'm not leaving Rodney," Elizabeth said as she shook herself free from Carson and John. "I don't intend to quit anything, and if the IOA have any ideas to that effect, they'll have to get through me first."

"Thank you," Rodney said sincerely as the tension slipped from his shoulders. "We...I...appreciate that."

"All right Carson, let's go down to the infirmary and get it over with," Elizabeth finished with a conciliatory smile.

Ronan pushed the lantern towards them with his foot. "You take this, Teyla and I can just bring Rodney along to the Athosian settlement. We're getting some real food..."

Rodney brightened immediately, cheered by the thought of real food. "We'll be fine. See you when they're done with you," he called as bounced up towards the control room to dial the Athosian world. He paused halfway up the steps and turned back, returning to Elizabeth's side to add, "Elizabeth? I really hope you're okay."

Elizabeth squeezed his shoulder before slapping it lightly. "I am fine Rodney," she informed him with an exhausted smile, "Now stop worrying. That goes for all of you."

Ronan chuckled and nudged Rodney towards the hallway. "My sister survived four babies, I have faith in your ability to handle one," he explained as he shared a private smile with Teyla.

"It is the colonel we worry about," Teyla continued, losing the battle to hide her smile. "I doubt he was prepared."

"Oh I'm not," John volunteered immediately, "I am entirely not prepared for this. I don't even know where to start."

"I believe you wanted to start by dragging me to the infirmary," Elizabeth reminded him coyly, "Though I have to admit, it's not terrible romantic if you bring Carson along..."

"Oh..." Rodney winced suddenly, shaking his head in disgust, "You are totally not allowed to joke about that. I just got over the part where I learned you were pregnant; I'm entirely not ready to get into the how. That's just not right..."

"Just think, once you've gotten pregnant, you really don't need to worry about getting pregnant again," Ronan's eyes flashed wickedly as he leaned closer to Rodney. "They can do whatever they want."

"Ewww..." Rodney squeaked as from the control room. "I really didn't need to think about that. I still don't need to think about that..." Ronan bounced up the stairs after him, standing behind him at the controls and leaning in occasionally to whisper something else that only drew more disgusted noises from the scientist.

Teyla gave the three of them a nod before following. "We will see you when we return," she said simply, "I hope your examination goes well."

* * *

Awhile later, once they reached the infirmary, Elizabeth slid up on the tan examination table and waited patiently with her hands folded in her lap. "Well, you've got me, now what?"

Setting the lantern on the table so it lit the dark infirmary as best as it could, Carson started with the blood pressure cuff; sliding it up over her short black sleeve. "I'm afraid there isn't much I can do with the medical supplies we have, I'm starting with your blood pressure."

"Okay," Elizabeth allowed gently, watching the needle rise as she felt the cuff tighten around her arm. "Are you going to let John in?" she asked as she glanced across to the door, "He's just going to pace in the hallway."

"I was going to leave that up to you, Love," Carson replied as he listened to her heartbeat thud firmly in his ears. "I assume you worked something out?"

"I'm...he's moving in with me," Elizabeth admitted as she felt the blush erupt across her cheeks. She looked away, watching the smooth light of the battery powered lantern and wishing oddly that it had a flame. The blue-white light just wasn't as comforting as it could be.

"Well that's a way, I suppose," Carson teased as he pulled the stethoscope from his ears and hung it around his neck. "I'll go fetch him, that way he can stop eavesdropping outside my infirmary."

John rolled around the corner, looking rather sheepish. "Sorry," he said without any real remorse. Shuffling up to her side, he gave Carson his full attention. "How's she doing?"

Elizabeth found his hand, pulling it into her lap as she waited for Carson's prognosis.

"I'm going to poke around at your abdomen for a bit, just snap at me when it hurts," Carson teased as he laid her back on the bed.

"Have you noticed how he pulls out the good bedside manner for me?" Elizabeth snapped back as she tried to ignore his hands pressing into her stomach. Staring straight up at the darkened ceiling helped keep her mind at bay.

John jumped when she squeezed his hand suddenly. He leaned down, stopping close enough to her head that he could smell the traces of combat issue shampoo in her hair. "You okay?" he wondered, feeling the sweat of her hand dampen his fingers.

"It's a little uncomfortable," she said as her grip whitened around his. Uncomfortable was an understatement; Carson's hands bordered on painful as he felt his way around her abdomen.

"I am sorry," Carson offered as he paused for a moment, "You have to understand, there's not a lot I can do without power that isn't a little invasive."

Biting her lip let Elizabeth kept her control. John felt his chest tighten in sympathy; he was about to tell Carson to stop when the doctor pulled back his hands.

"All right," he said gently as he helped her sit up. "I'm done. When we get the power back on I'd like to do an internal exam, but for now I can tell that you're between eight and ten weeks pregnant..."

"Guess we had a little more fun on that mission to Ceol than we thought," John said chagrined as she released his hand. He stuffed them back into his pockets, feeling the weight of his new responsibilities settle like lead onto his shoulders.

Elizabeth blushed along with him, wiping her hands against her thighs. "At least my lack of a social life makes me sure you're the father..." she stopped immediately when Carson and John's expressions both turned entirely scandalized. "I'm kidding," she promised as she slid off the table.

Carson managed to smile, but John still struggled with her joke. He shook his head, trying to shed the feeling of betrayal along with it. "That's not funny," he insisted seriously as discomfort softening his expression.

"How are your symptoms?" Carson inquired, professionally inserting himself between the other two. "Are ye still nauseated?"

"Not really..." Elizabeth started. Quickly looking away from either of them before they read the lie in her eyes.

"...yes" John finished for her. His eyebrows narrowed as he struggled with a new sense of duty heavy in his stomach. "And dizzy, and her head hurts."

"I'm fine Carson," Elizabeth insisted over his objections as she glared at John. "He's just being overprotective."

"She's just being stoic," John argued, raising his voice enough to cover hers. His hands emerged from his pockets, and he pointed at her. "She's exhausted."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Elizabeth studied him with a careful eye. "John Sheppard, I had no idea you were such a tattletale." Somewhere within her, deeper than she cared to admit, she was touched by his concern. Her iron control of her expression faded.

"Just be careful, know your limits. You aren't going to be able to push yourself like you are used to," Carson cautioned firmly. "You'll tire faster and recover slower, and the more you push yourself the worse you'll feel." He paused, reaching for her shoulder. "I want ye to take me seriously now, and know I'm not trying to frighten ye," he stopped again, concern softening his eyes. "The first trimester carries the highest risk of miscarriage. Take care of yourself, and let John help you for that matter."

Elizabeth started to speak, clinging to her indignation instead of giving in.

Carson hushed her with a wave of his hand, "I care about ye both, and I don't want to be giving ye any bad news." Rubbing her shoulder to comfort her, he smiled. "So be good," he cautioned, "Don't over do it, give yourself some time to adapt. Don't be lifting heavy things, skipping meals, or getting yourself knocked around by the bad guys."

Elizabeth couldn't look at John, his concern was frighteningly vivid on his face and only made the ice in the pit of her stomach worse. "It's okay now?" she prayed softly. Despair painted a terrible picture of his disappointment. She'd make a mistake, push herself too hard and destroy everything. She'd be the one who ripped his heart out.

"You're just fine," Carson promised as he released her shoulder. "I'll keep an eye on you, and I'm sure John will help me."

John nodded firmly, filing every caution away in his mind.

"Between the two of us, you'll be fine, Love," Carson finished, packing his things away, and handing John the lantern as he sealed his medical kit. The shadows moved against the wall, making them feel small in the empty corridor.

"I don't think I want to know what else is lying in wait for me," Elizabeth complained petulantly as she followed John and the light back towards the cafeteria. The sound of their feet echoed in the empty city, and she pulled her jacket tighter around herself against the chill in the air. It was infinitely colder than it had been before the exam.

"Ye haven't fainted yet, have ye?" Carson threatened with a shake of his finger as he brought up the rear. Her silence made him chuckle as he hurried along after them. "Aye, I didn't think so."

"Doctor Beckett, are you resorting to scare tactics?" she wondered as she tried to rub heat into her arms. It was hard to joke about it. Elizabeth zipped her jacket up to her chin, wishing the flack jacket was a little more insulated.

John waited a step, letting her catch up to him. Switching the lantern to his far hand, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He moved slowly, not entirely sure what her reaction was going to be. It was a pleasant surprise when Elizabeth smiled and let it remain. Slowing his stride enough to let her keep up, he felt his heart quicken. It had been a long time since he'd had a crush that made his heart beat faster. He watched her smile creep into her green eyes, knowing she'd been worth waiting for and he'd never let her go.


	9. I know

It smelled like heaven, rich with spice and the scent of fresh meat. Rodney knelt next to the stew pot and closed his eyes. "This is the best thing I've ever smelled," he announced with more optimism than anyone had heard from him for weeks. "When I finally die a glorious death, I want to smell this again."

Teyla stirred the pot of stew and turned to the new bread the Athosians had generously given them. "It will indeed be nice to not eat MREs for a long time," she agreed.

"I know," Rodney chortled gleefully as he examined the bundle of food Ronan set down next to him. "I agree with you, and I like them," he added as he lifted a loaf of bread and sniffed it. "Do we really have to wait for them? All this food, it's right here and..."

"...we wait," Ronan insisted as he grabbed the bread away from Rodney. "We're a team and we eat together."

"You have no idea how long they're going to be, this really isn't fair..." Rodney's complaints ended when light poured from the hallway. "Oh thank you for showing up," he cheered, stealing the bread back from Ronan and tearing a hunk off. He stuffed it into his mouth and waved as the other half of the team approached.

Carson nearly skipped up to Teyla and kissed her cheek. "It's lovely, the smell is lovely, you're lovely..." he trailed off, losing interest in continuing any farther as Ronan handed him a bowl.

Elizabeth shouldn't have been surprised when John remained with her. Though his face held just as much excitement as the good doctor, he was still steadfastly bound to her. He'd always been loyal, but this was beyond what she expected. In her current condition, the smell didn't immediately revive her appetite as it did for everyone else, but she did have to admit she was hungry. Joining her team on the floor, she served herself some of the stew and settled down to eat.

* * *

"I want you to stay here," John announced up towards the dark ceiling of their bedroom. His hands were folded over his stomach and he lay face up at her side. She was curled up next to him, wrapped in her sleeping bag with her back towards him.

"Stay here?" Elizabeth wondered sleepily as she rolled back towards him. "What do you mean?"

"Tomorrow, when we go on the mission, I want you to stay here," John explained without turning his face towards her. "You can man the gate, make sure we have something to come home to, but I don't want you anywhere near the Replicators."

Anger chased away her drowsiness and she rested her hand on his chest. "Why would I do that?" Elizabeth snapped, turning her frustration into a fist. "You've spent two weeks teaching me to fire an ARG and knocking me down to the mats in the gym so I can sit here and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else on my team risks their lives?"

He caught her fist just above the muscles of his chest. John stared at it, impressed by her resolve. "Because you can't go," he insisted again, sitting up next to her in the pitch dark of the bedroom.

"It's still my life, John," she argued back, feeling her fury run hot through her veins. "No matter what is going on within me, no matter how our relationship changes, I am still in charge of the city and you will not tell me what to do."

"The hell I won't," he shouted, more livid than she'd seen him since Kolya had threatened her life. John's bare feet thudded softly against the floor as he left the bed. He'd taken off his t-shirt to sleep, and in the darkness she could barely make out the dark splotch of his boxers against his skin. He took a deep breath and forced himself to be civil.

"I can't let you," he said without looking at her. "Not as your military commander..."

Her feet were silent in her socks as she left the bed after him. The sleeping bag she held wrapped around her body slithered across the floor behind her like a cloak. "If not as my military commander, what authority do you have?" she wondered, her fury still boiling beneath the surface as she followed him.

"None..." he turned around slowly, not even feeling the cool air on his skin. "I've got nothing," he shrugged weakly, sighing his defeat. "But I can't let you go on the mission."

"I'm going," Elizabeth countered, letting her olive sleeping bag fall slightly, baring pale shoulders and the straps of his black tank top. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me."

John threw his hands out from his body and lost his control. "Dammit I know!" he shouted violently enough to make her jump backwards reflexively.

She squared her shoulders, dropping the sleeping bag entirely. John couldn't help noticing how small she was in his too-big black tank top. With her bra lying in the neat pile with the rest of her clothes, it was obvious even in the dark how her body had begun to change. Her breasts were fuller, rounder than they'd been. She was still gorgeous. Her eyes were flashing with predatory fury and all he wanted was to do was to strip her out of his former shirt.

"I know," John repeated gently as he tried to put his thousand rushing thoughts into a sentence that made sense. "I can't let you risk yourself and the baby."

Fear assaulted her again, ripping up through her stomach with cold fingers. "You don't have a choice," she hissed back, burying the terror beneath her rage.

"I can't let you," he echoed, struggling against the lump in his throat. "I can't put you in the situation where you could lose..."

Hurt flashed across her face, taking the strength out of her shoulders. "You don't trust me?" she spat, angrily interrupting him before he could say what really scared her, "All that time, all our work, the years we spent together, side by side running the city and you can't trust me?" Raising her hand to him, she dropped it a breath away from his face.

"Get out!" she ordered with unbridled scorn, so furious that her eyes nearly glowed in the darkness.

"No!" he refused blatantly, catching her by the shoulders. "Don't put words in my mouth and just listen to me for once."

His fingers dug into her shoulders hard enough to sting, but she was too angry to care. Keeping her hands at her sides, Elizabeth balled them into fists. "You have thirty seconds," she mandated.

"I can't let you go because I can't..." John trailed off, staring into her eyes and terrifying himself with what erupted in his heart. "I can't let them get their filthy hands on you." Releasing her shoulders suddenly, he backed away a step. He tried to look away, but he couldn't. "When I close my eyes I see him. That Niam thing, with his hands around your neck," he choked out as he fled her sight, sinking down to the bed and dropping his head into his hands. "And I can't watch that. I can't even think about that."

"John," she began slowly, unwilling to let go of her anger just yet. "I don't understand..."

"...I love you." The admission fell from his lips, escaping like a projectile weapon. John brought his head up, meeting her eyes as his thousand thoughts faded into one infinitely more dangerous one.

"Oh God, John, you don't..." she whimpered, cutting off as she reached for her head. Sinking back against the wall helped her keep her balance, but just barely. The room swam with tiny sparkles of light that seemed to be coming from inside of her eyes.

"Hey!" he watched her falter and ran across to her. John's arms were her salvation when her legs refused to support her anymore. "Great," he punished himself in a whisper, "Just great, Sheppard."

His shoulder was solid beneath her head and he dragged her back up to her feet before scooping her up in his arms. It was undignified, but necessary when Elizabeth's body stubbornly refused to support her own weight. He'd never held a woman like that before; John realized when he clutched her to his chest. With anyone else it would have been too intimate, and even with her he was afraid. Instead of thinking, he walked to the bed. Leaning down over her as he set her down, he became acutely aware of how thin the fabric between them was.

The bed was soft and warm beneath her when her senses started to return. First it was the smell of his chest, and the hint of fear in his sweat. Then she knew the feeling of his hand on her chest, and the gentleness in his touch.

"Hey," John coaxed as he shook her shoulder, "Come on, don't make me go get Carson, he's grumpy at night."

Elizabeth blinked slowly, wishing her eyes would give up on the sparks that invaded her blurry view of his face. "I did it, didn't I?" she wondered through the residual disorientation.

"You fainted," he explained nervously, "At least; I think that was what happened." John brushed her hair out of her face. "Scared me," he ventured shyly, waiting for his heart to stop pounding.

"Didn't mean too," she apologized weakly as she struggled to lift her head. Elizabeth's only reward was the rush of heat inside her head that threatened her with blackness again.

Watching her eyes start to drift from his, he moved quickly to push her back. "Okay, head down," John commanded, still struggling with the knot in his stomach. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"John," she started desperately, "I..." her voice broke weakly, "...you," Elizabeth struggled to finish. "You understand, don't you?"

He leaned back from the bed, caught somewhere between his fears and his curiosity. John squatted down, feeling the cold floor more intensely on his bare feet. "Not really," he shrugged before resting his chin on his hands. "You sleep," he insisted.

"Cold," she whispered softly, reminding him to pull the sleeping bag up.

John stood up, unzipping the olive sleeping bag all around until it covered the bed in a square. He sat next to her, making sure she stayed with him. Surprise flashed on his face when she pulled him down towards her. Making room on the bed, she insinuated herself into his arms. Her head snuggled into the hollow of his shoulder, and her hands held his arms tightly against her stomach.

"I'm sorry I said..." he struggled out, choking on his uncertainty.

"No..." she interrupted, opening her eyes into the darkness. "Don't be sorry..." Elizabeth yawned, trying vainly to keep herself awake long enough to finish the conversation. "Are you sure you...?"

"...love you?" John filled in for her. "I'm sure." It was easier in the darkness, almost as if it could protect him. "And before you say it, I'm not in love with you because you're pregnant or in my bed. I love you because you're extraordinary." Sighing softly into her hair, he relaxed, letting go of the last of his nervousness. "I don't get people," he admitted as he spooned up closer. "I never know what they're thinking, or what they want, but..." he stopped speaking when a curl of her hair tickled his neck. Shivering with strange feelings, John brought it to his lips.

"...you I want to get," he finished carefully. "I want to know what makes you tick, why you smile, why you agreed to climb into bed with me..." he stopped, giving up on speech as he worried she'd fallen asleep.

Elizabeth turned, rolling over in his arms so her face was just a breath away from his. "You're warm," she teased lightly, trying to find the humor in it. When that failed, her lower lip started to tremble, belying her fear. "I'm afraid," she whispered as she shut her eyes. "I can't fathom any of this," she paused, taking a deep breath. "I can't handle being pregnant..." her voice caught on the lump in her throat, "...but I'm even more afraid of not being pregnant..."

"Shhh..." he hushed her as one of his hands slid over her hip. The skin was soft and cool in his palm. "Carson didn't mean to scare you."

"I know," she said as her head rustled against the pillow. "But I can't get it out of my head. One mistake and it's over. I'll-"

"No you won't," John stopped her with a finger over her mouth. "You won't, I'd never..."

"I know," she answered before he finished. Elizabeth wriggled close enough to brush her lips against his. Kissing him brought warmth to her lips; something she realized she'd been missing as it bled through her body.

John returned the kiss tentatively, unwilling to be the one who pushed her.

Desire sent heat through her body, and it radiated down, reminding her in an instant that his hand was on her skin. Taking it in hers, Elizabeth slid it up her chest, smiling at him slightly in the darkness. "I think you can do better than that," she teased, waiting for his surprise to rush across his face. As soon as he started to reply she kissed him again, pushing him down as she rolled over him.

John was lost in taste of her and the wetness invading his mouth. He caught her shoulders, lifting her from him. The battle between his sense of duty and the mad compulsion to keep kissing her actually hurt. He wanted to grab her and crush her against him, but he only allowed himself to run one hand down her back.

"That's better," she corrected as she nibbled down his chin. "When did you find time to shave?" Elizabeth wondered as she played across the smooth skin of his cheek.

"Borrowed some stuff from Ronon," he volunteered as she started her exploration of his chest. Jumping slightly as she pressed her cool lips into his collarbone, John shivered. "The man is nothing, but prepared."

"I like it," she admitted gently as she balanced on his chest. "The beard just isn't you."

"Are you sure?" John wondered as he cupped her chin. He was acutely aware of the pressure of her breasts against his chest and the way her hips fit into his. Feeling the thin black cotton of his tank top as a fragile barrier between their bodies, he tried not to think about how good it felt to have her there.

"About the beard?" she teased easily, ignoring what he really wanted.

"You just fainted a second ago," he reminded her seriously. Wishing he could just give in and let her have her way with him, John held her up as he fought to be responsible. "You really want to go from that to..."

"I want you," Elizabeth answered softly, pulling the tank top up over her shoulders and tossing it gently to the floor. "Carson didn't say I couldn't make love to you."

"That's what this..." John stopped her gently, momentarily losing his ability to speak as he stared up at her perfect skin. "This is to you?" Making love was distinction he hadn't used before. Some of the women he'd known had used it, but he'd never believed them.

She just kissed him in response, drawing out the sweetness of the moment. "John," she rested on his chest, as comfortable as anyone had ever been there. "I'm sick, I'm confused, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by what's going on here, but..." she struggled against her better sense, eventually giving in to her body. "...I find you very..." her hand dragged down his chest, leaving a tingling sensation behind it. "...very attractive and I'd rather just think about that right now." Elizabeth sat up, twisting her hips as she straddled him.

He gasped and she grinned wickedly. "...okay," John sighed, suddenly shy. "I suppose I shouldn't argue..."

Elizabeth shook her head firmly as she slipped one hand beneath the hem of his boxer shorts. "It's really impolite to argue," she finished with a wink.

Without trusting himself to speak any further, he caught her face and brought her down to kiss him again. Melting his lips with hers let him forget the Replicators who wanted to kill them. Pulling her closer to his chest, he felt his body start to respond to her proximity as sweat broke on his skin.

Elizabeth rocked against him, kissing him as she ran her hands over his chest. Beneath the fine dark hair, a handful of scars nearly hid in weak light. She traced one on his side with her fingertip, curious how he'd collected all of them. What else was in his past that she knew nothing about? How had he learned to sneak his tongue through her mouth like that? Her body shivered when his tongue ran down to her nipple, chasing around it nimbly like one of his fighter pilot tricks. Down between her legs, her panties were quickly becoming damp and frustrating.

Clawing at them with a free hand, she groaned when he stopped her. Biting her lip with annoyance, Elizabeth felt strong fingers take her around the waist and slide down. As she rose up to her knees, he slipped her panties free of her butt, letting her remove them the rest of the way. They disappeared into the sleeping bag, and he teased her with a thrust of his thigh, sending a wave of pleasure through her body. Grinding against him as she came up to kiss him again, she felt his fingers pinch down around her nipples and gasped into his mouth.

John panted, writhing as her fingers discovered the elastic in his boxers and pulled down hard. Giggling as she freed his legs, Elizabeth covered him with her body; crawling up to kiss the surprise out of his face. He bit her lip as small, cool fingers teased him more erect. She bit back, smiling as she licked her way down his chest. Having her on top let him cup both of her breasts, squeezing them to her chest as the rough skin of his hands fought her nipples into points. They were hard against his skin when he pulled her back down to him. Sweat made her back slick as he urged her over his hips.

Waiting was exquisitely painful when she hesitated, studying the need in his eyes. Satisfied by what she found, Elizabeth closed her eyes; letting him slip into her body. Her moan was muffled by his neck. She rocked her hips slowly, trying to convince her body to give her some sense of control. John's fingers found her clit and worked her up until she could barely breathe without screaming. He penetrated her carefully, slower than the last time. As she moaned into his chest, he knew he'd outlast her. Elizabeth's body was already starting to tremble, shivering beneath his touch. He took his hands away from the wet nub of her clit and settled for the skin of her back. Her ribs rolled beneath his hands.

Panting with her as she sat up, John watched one curl of her hair bounce on her shoulder before catching in the sweat of her neck. He made a fist, crushing the sleeping bag beneath him into his hand. Gasping as he released the blanket, he pulled her back down. Running his hand down the softness of her stomach, he slipped it between her legs. Her breath came ragged, like sobbing in his ear. She kissed his neck, sucking the skin until she broke. His back arched him into her; his skin throbbing as she pulled away. Her scream sent him over the edge; primal hunger in her eyes devoured him as something quaked within. He burst, exploding wet and uniting them in the end.

She collapsed on his chest, breathing so quickly he almost feared she'd lose consciousness again. "You're good," she whispered as she searched for air.

He kissed her forehead, tasting the salt of her sweat. He pulled her a little closer to his chest, both proud and slightly relieved she was so contented. Having her lose consciousness in his arms wasn't something he was sure he could handle. "Well, I try..." he replied lamely. As the blissful numbness faded from his body, John wondered if she'd left a mark on his neck. The skin there still stung. He toyed with the damp hair on the back of her head. Realizing how traumatized Rodney would be by any hickey she'd left, he grinned towards the ceiling.

Elizabeth sighed heavily, finally starting to stop shaking. "I think this is going to be good for both of us," she prophesied to his chest as she traced a slow circle up towards his shoulder.

"Might be bad for my sleep," John teased gruffly as she turned up to look at him. He'd never meant to admit his feelings so bluntly. At first he'd been crushed, having her collapse into his arms wasn't very promising, but now he had hope. Hope was the smell of mingled sweat and the wetness of her on his body.

"You're going to be a parent," she reminded him, closing her eyes and sighing softly. "Sleep is going to become very rare indeed."

John squirmed slightly, moving her head to the best place on his chest. Elizabeth was draped over him, curled up so every part of her was touching him. It was deeply, strangely intoxicating. The Replicators didn't matter when he could taste her on his lips.

"Good night," he whispered to the dark head that he was sure was nearly asleep already. Elizabeth murmured something in response, but he doubted it was a word he'd recognize. He pulled up the sleeping bag with his left hand, making sure they'd stay warm through the night. Smiling towards the ceiling he decided that it was all right if she hadn't reciprocated immediately; she'd called it making love, and that, he thought giddily, would have to do for now.

* * *

"All right, that's the plan, everyone know what to do?" John double checked as he made sure his ARG was fully charged.

For her part, Elizabeth nodded, taking heart in the wash of relief that spread across his face. Her stomach twisted, either the Athosian bread she'd eaten that morning was too much, or her stomach knew better than she did how good the chances were that her team was about to leave her forever.

Carson had on his brave face. The one he reserved for life or death occasions where nothing could sway him from going. His fingers twitching as he went over and over his calculations in his mind, Rodney was barely looking at anyone.

He only nodded gruffly at Elizabeth by way of goodbye. "I hooked my laptop into the gate controls," he began quickly. "It'll recognize our IDCs and tell you who's coming back. I've set the shield to come up automatically, so you will need to be here when we get back just so we don't return from our glorious victory to get flattened out of existence..."

"...I'll be here," Elizabeth promised with as much of a smile as she could muster.

"Good," Rodney replied quietly, clinging to his gun was he waved goodbye. "See you." His feet thudded quickly against the metal stairs and he was gone.

Teyla took her shoulders and brought their foreheads together. Elizabeth fought with the tears in her eyes. Her emotional control had become so fragile in the past few days; it felt like her heart was always open. "We will be successful," the shorter woman promised so firmly Elizabeth believed her.

Ronon saluted with his ARG against his forehead as he headed up the stairs with Teyla to the jumper bay. "Want me to bring you back a handful of silver dust?" he offered with his standard neutral expression.

After a moment of silence Elizabeth realized he was joking and her smile became involuntary. "You know, I think I'd like that," she replied softly. "Kill a few for me won't you?"

Carson caught her shoulder. "Take care of yourself now," he cautioned. "No worrying yourself sick while we're away, no coffee, and remember to eat. If you get tired, sit down..."

Surprising both of them Elizabeth hugged him quickly, letting go with a bit of a shove up the stairs she smiled brilliantly at him. "You take good care of Jack and Mr. Woolsey," she insisted. "Make sure he only has good things to say about getting rescued in his report."

Carson shot a look over his shoulder, watching as John stood silently by. "We'll see you soon," he finished as he headed up the stairs with the others; the red medical kit swung over his shoulder.

"Thank you," John began from behind her, "For staying, I mean,I couldn't...I wouldn't be any use to anyone if I was..."

"Worrying about me," Elizabeth finished, finally losing the battle against the stinging tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered when he noticed them. "I just can't seem to..."

John wrapped his arms around her tightly, squeezing her to his chest. "It's okay," he promised, speaking to much more than her tears. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"I know," she replied as she wiped her face dry. "I know you'll be back, I know you have to go, I know you're the best damn team in two galaxies," Elizabeth stopped abruptly, unable to come up with the right thing to say. "I...I..."

"You don't have to," John jumped in, kissing her cheek lightly. "I know." He chuckled slightly, remembering a joke she didn't seem to get. "Ever see i Star Wars /i ? The second one where Darth Vader nearly won in the end?"

Elizabeth shook her head numbly, absolutely confused by the relevance.

"See, you're really missing out on some of the classics of American cinema. Movie night, when I get back, I'll have someone on the Daedalus pick them up from my storage locker..."

"John..." she interrupted, surprised at her own frustration. Elizabeth could feel the tears running hot down her cheeks again.

Snapping back from his thoughts, John just smiled lightly. "So i Star Wars /i ," he began as he waited with one foot on the first stair. "The girl, Princess Leia, she watches this guy, Han Solo, he's a pilot. Go to what could be his death, and it's this great scene where he's standing there, not sure what's going to happen. And she finally yells over the machines around her that she loves him..."

She couldn't bear listening. "John...I..." Elizabeth began tentatively.

"Let me finish," John begged gently. "So he stands there with this little smile and just says 'I know'. So, Princess," he leaned in and kissed her cheek once more, "I know."

Taking a few steps of the stairs, he paused. John couldn't look at her. He couldn't turn back and watch the fear in her face. "If we aren't back in two days, leave. Go to the Athosian settlement and just stay there. If the Daedalus comes, they'll know to look there."

"You're coming back," Elizabeth insisted fervently. Running up the steps to him, she caught his arm and pulled him back. "You are coming back."

"Two days," John repeated as he painfully turned to face her. "Then go to Teyla's people, they're good people and you won't be alone there. Promise me you won't stay here alone."

"Promise me I won't have to," Elizabeth turned it back on him, pulling him down to kiss the promise into his soul. "You'll come back," she whispered into his neck and she squeezed him tightly into a hug.

"You'll be here," he promised himself, burning the image of her eyes into his memory.

Elizabeth felt the sound of his feet on the stairs as he headed away, each thump resonating through her body like coffin nails being closed down around her. Staring down at the screen of Rodney's laptop did little to distract her from the sound of the jumper bay opening into the gate room a few minutes later. Leaving the desk, she stood on the edge of the balcony, watching as the faces of her team passed by on the way to the gate.

Rodney's jumper dropped into the gate room first. Ronon and Teyla sat stalwartly behind Rodney, ready and unafraid of what waited for them. He met her eyes quickly before taking his jumper through the rippling surface of the gate.

A few moments later, Carson waved from the passenger seat of the second jumper as it dropped into the room. John just watched her, quietly composed behind his controls. He said nothing, didn't move and kept his eyes locked on hers until he was gone.

The blue surface rippled for a moment before going out with a whoosh. When the gate was still it was unnervingly quiet. Wrapping her arms protectively over her chest, Elizabeth tried to come up with something to occupy her mind. The jumpers were out, but they had a long way to go. The Asurans had run through their database, pulled out every address with mention of the Ancients. Rodney was certain they were searching M4A-661; a planet they had written off as a lifeless ball of rock that must have meant something to the Asurans.

Leaving the control panel, Elizabeth picked up the tool kit in one hand and the lantern in the other. Maybe she could get the database working, she thought to herself. The library computers weren't too far from the power room and it would be easier to pass the time if her hands were busy.

* * *

"I'd sleep, but I'm too nervous to sleep. Was too nervous to sleep last night too, probably get myself killed..." Carson mumbled to himself as the Replicator ship inched closer on the screen. "Are you sure they can't see us?"

John maneuvered quickly, checking his display to make sure Rodney was still behind him. "They can't see us, we haven't run into a single race that can defeat Ancient cloaking devices," he assured the other man gently. "Of course," he paused, furrowing his eyebrows in thought, "They did manage to beat the Ancients and take Atlantis."

"You're really not helping," Carson moaned as he watched the battleship come into focus against the gray surface of the planet. "We're all going to die."

"No, we're not," John corrected firmly as he watched Rodney's jumper slip into position. "If they could see us, they'd have destroyed us by now." He shrugged quickly, adding; "But, as you can see, we haven't been, so we must be all right." He stared at his hands, wondering what Elizabeth was doing. His watch said they'd already been gone nine hours. Was she sleeping? Could she sleep? "Besides, I kinda promised someone we'd come back," he said as he smiled grimly. "We'll be fine."

"Aye, I hope you're right," Carson replied as his adrenaline started to close off his fear. "For all our sakes."

The jumper whirled past the battleship, taking over a minute to cross all of it. Below them the metal skin of the Asuran vessel bristled with weaponry. John whistled softly, "Sometimes you're glad you don't have to fight the bad guys fairly," he explained with a twist of his head towards Carson. Settling the jumper behind the blue-white engines of the battleship, he tapped the radio, "McKay, we're ready over here. How about you?"

Rodney's voice quavered slightly, but he was determined. "We're ready; I just need a moment to charge the capacitor."

"Ready when you are then, Doctor," John leaned back from the controls just long enough to snap the tension out of his back. Stretching his fingers nervously, he waited.

"You know, you only bring up my degree when you need me to save your ass, Sheppard," Rodney complained cheerfully over the radio. "We're charged."

"All right, on three, everyone hang on," John nodded as Carson took the arms of the chair in a death grip. "One...two...three-"

* * *

Elizabeth crawled out of the floor in the library and yawned against her exhaustion. The timer on her watch beeped past the nine hour mark. They should have reached the Asurans by now. How long would it take to get into position and then fire the weapon? Had they already succeeded? Her stomach twisted uncomfortably and she closed her eyes. Adding nausea to her headache made the time slither by even slower than it was already.

Carson's voice nagged in the back of her mind, telling her that she was pushing too hard. One last crystal in the center of the base should activate the interface pillar, she thought to herself as she forced her stomach to quiet. When it didn't work immediately, she surprised herself by kicking the base.

"Sorry," she stuttered to the ghosts of the Ancients in the empty room. "I just really need this to work..." she trailed off, holding her head in her hands as she tried to push the headache out. Placing her hands on the pedestal, Elizabeth concentrated on the database. Something hummed vaguely and she kicked it again. Immediately the holographic interface snapped to life.

"Please make your inquiry," the hologram stated with polite interest.

"That's better," Elizabeth purred to the computers in the floor. "Can you tell me about a planet called 'Ceol'?"

"Ceol is the sixth planet in a group of eleven," the hologram began in a smooth monotone. "It is inhabited by a small group of human settlers. The days are twenty-seven hours long. The seasons are similar to those of Earth or Altera, with a year lasting four hundred-fifty-six days. Most of the settlements are in a belt around the temperate zone of the equator..."

"...thank you," Elizabeth interrupted firmly. Rubbing her temples with annoyance, she rephrased her question. "Can you tell me about the people of Ceol?" She winced under the light from the hologram, wondering if there was a way to turn the brightness down. Giving up, she lowered her head to her hand and shut her eyes.

"The people of Ceol have a notably high birth rate and a remarkable incidence of favorable genetics," the hologram informed her pleasantly. "Incidence of the gene known as LK476 is at ninety-nine percent."

Elizabeth's head snapped upwards. "LK476 gene?" she asked suddenly. Her headache faded slightly as her curiosity spiked.

"LK476 is known colloquially as the 'Lantian key gene' and is the gene responsible for the ability to activate certain technologies," the hologram explained calmly. "It was created over eleven thousand years ago by a team of geneticists here in Atlantis," the hologram paused and smiled.

Elizabeth shook her head slowly, trying to reconcile what she'd seen. The hologram did not smile. The hologram was devoid of any facial expressions besides patient understanding. She closed her eyes, rubbing them until sparks appeared on her retina. The hologram was still there. Waiting for her input. Deciding she was just overly tired, she asked the question again.

"Who created the gene LK476?" she asked with a sigh of exasperation at her own frailty. Staring down at her feet, Elizabeth wondered if anyone else had noticed that her breasts were larger and heavier than they'd been.

"I did," said a rasping, and completely alien female voice from the other side of the room.


	10. choice

"Fire-" Rodney ordered into the radio.

John hit the control next to his left hand and waited. The background hum of Rodney's device jumped in volume until it rattled his body. His teeth chattered together as the whole ship became a vibrating ball of light. The blue-white light crept up his arms, enveloping his body in a thousand tiny pin-pricks. He saw the light erupt outward, surrounding the alien vessel in an envelope of light. It pulsed back and forth like an amoeba about to devour something.

The crackling turned into a roaring in his ears and then with a pop everything was silent. The Replicator vessel hung dead in space.

"I think it worked," Rodney shouted excitedly into his radio. "I'm not picking up anything on the motion sensors and everything still on in the vessel seems to be running autonomously."

"Carson and I will land in the forward fighter bay, you, Teyla and Ronon take the rear," John coordinated as he shook the tingles out of his hands. "We'll meet in the middle and get our people back."

"Roger that," Rodney replied as he shut off the radio.

John turned to Carson, grinning as the other man ran his hands nervously over his body.

"Feels like a thousand wee bugs have been tap-dancing on my body," Carson complained as he shuddered in disgust. "Do you think we got the buggers?"

"Rodney thinks so," John responded as he turned the ship over to better approach the landing bay. "I guess we won't know until we land this ship and take a look around."

"Isn't it a wee bit creepy?" Carson wondered as he clutched his ARG a little tighter. "Wandering around on a ship full of dead Replicators, who didn't even know we were coming to blast 'em out of the sky."

"They did want to kill us first," John argued with a half smile. "And you saw what just one of the bastards did to Elizabeth. Can you imagine what a whole ship of them would do to Earth in their crazy search for the Ancients?"

Carson saw through his facade, cutting right to the heart of John's anger. "She's going to be all right John," he insisted as he double checked his battle-scarred medical kit. "She'll be sitting there, wearing out solitaire on Rodney's computer until we get back. It was good to make her stay in Atlantis."

"Yeah, I just couldn't..." John twisted the jumper in a long slow arc, pulling it into the empty landing bay. "Please keep your hands and legs inside the jumper until we come to a complete stop.

The Asuran attention to detail had left the docking system entirely automated, just like those of Atlantis. John pulled his hands back and let the jumper slide into place. He grabbed his ARG and left his seat, keeping Carson behind him as he opened the door. The hatch hissed into the bay, meeting the air of the ship.

John coughed as he searched the bay. The air was stale, as if no one had breathed it for a thousand years. He realized after a moment that no one had, because aside from the recent influx of human prisoners, this ship had been devoid of breathing life.

"Where do we go?" Carson wondered as he looked back and forth down the hallway outside the bay. "It all looks the same to me."

John gestured down at the life-signs detector in his hand. "Other than you and me, who else is alive on this ship?" he asked in a combat whisper. The brilliant silver corridor of the ship extended endlessly in either direction and took his voice along with it.

"Good point," Carson whispered back as he peered down the glimmering walls.

"Come on," John said, waving to the left with the life signs detector. "They're this way."

* * *

Elizabeth's head shot up, moving so quickly it took her a moment to focus again. Instead of the bland hologram in her neat beige and tan robe, a short elderly woman stood in the center of the room.

"Startled you, didn't I?" she said, idly twirling a grey-black curl of hair around her finger. "I thought about just taking over perfect little Melia here," she commented as she shut off the hologram with a blink of her eyes. "You seemed up to the task of dealing with me, Dearie." Her long hair fell nearly to her waist in a mass of unruly curls. Her dress was a mass of layers of red and purple velvet, complete with a long cloak that lay on the floor behind her in a train.

Creeping lazily from the center of the room, she studied Elizabeth with an appraising eye. "From your genetic code I thought you'd be taller," she remarked lightly.

"How would you know?" Elizabeth demanded instinctually before taking the time to pull herself together. "Who are you and what are you doing in my city?" she asked more professionally, wishing she'd brought the pistol from her vest with her after all.

"My people called me Mauve; the natives of Ceol call me their Queen Mab. Either suits me," she brushed off Elizabeth's hostility with a predatory smile. "It's lonely here, without them, isn't it?"

"What do you want?" Elizabeth pressed with more rage than she thought she had left.

"To check on my creation..." she answered cryptically, waving her hand across Elizabeth's body as she gnarled her fingers. "I thought you'd have questions by now." The queen studied her black nails thoughtfully as she turned to the door. "Walk with me; you're getting anxious about that computer and the rest of your people. You'll pay more attention if it's there in front of you."

"Why should I?" Elizabeth said, folding her arms over her chest defiantly. "Give me one good reason to come with you or even believe anything that you say?"

The queen's eyes flashed to orange-red, the deep color like the heart of a flame, and Elizabeth felt the pain blossom beneath her stomach. It lanced through her, shooting fire across her hips. Falling to her knees and gasping for breath, she was unable to speak when it ended. Fading as quickly as it began, it left her fighting to regain her breath.

"Because I can take what I've given," the queen lisped maliciously. "Now, the control room, if you wouldn't mind."

* * *

John hit the door with his shoulder, shoving against the stubborn door mechanism. Carson fired his ARG blindly into the wires and surprisingly the door gave way. Tumbling into the room, John regained his footing in a mass of bodies. As far as he could see, the bodies of the Ancients they'd regained from the void between galaxies on the battleship Tria were lined in a neat row along the wall. Each body was incased in a protective film that clung to it like a second skin.

Carson followed him in, the pleasure on his face faded away when he saw the bodies. "My God," he whispered softly. "Who did this?"

"Angry children," John replied as he felt the weight of the room settle over him like a shroud. His feet echoed in the stillness, there was no smell of death, just the stale smell of dust. Somewhere in this mess, his life signs detector promised someone still lived.

Walking reverently along the bodies Carson kept track of the signs he noticed in his head. "They all bled from the eyes and ears," he called down to John as he knelt to look closer. "This film seems to be arresting all signs of decay. I couldn't tell you if they've been dead for minutes or years. From what we know of the Replicators, I'd guess they were probed until their minds couldn't take it anymore."

"How many are there?" John wondered aloud as he started to count them up in his mind.

"One hundred and four," an exhausted voice explained from the far corner. "They started by killing a few outright, for sport. They started with the lowest ranked and moved their way up."

John and Carson ran to the voice, finding Mr. Woolsey curled around his knees in the corner of the morgue.

"I got lucky," he informed them as he stared past them with haunted eyes. "I don't know anything about the Ancients, not comparatively. They were only in my head a few times, but Jack..." he faded out, unable to keep speaking.

"Where is General O'Neill?" John pushed as firmly as he dared. Just putting his hand on the man's shoulder made him jump away in fear. Carson took over, opening the med kit and beginning an initial exam.

"They took him," Woolsey babbled weakly. "They took him to the bridge, something about the planet..." he stopped speaking when coughing made it too difficult to form the words.

Standing up to whisper into John's ear, Carson shook his head in disgust. "He's malnourished, dehydrated, probably has a lung infection. Let me take him back to the jumper and wait for you."

John tapped his radio as he nodded to Carson. "Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, we've found Woolsey and I'm headed to the bridge," he said, leaning down to help Carson drag the other man to his feet. "Think you can make your way there?"

Woolsey's legs were shaky, and his arm felt like a stick inside the disturbingly clean fabric out of his suit. Carson wrapped his feeble arm and his neck and started slowly down the line of bodies. Nothing moved, not even the preserved hair on the victims.

"We'll be there," Ronon's gruff voice promised over the radio.

Reaching down to the first body, John recognized the insignia of the first officer from his time on the Aurora. The man was dead peacefully, eyes closed with two trails of blood leading down his face. The blood was still red beneath the clear film. It even seemed wet. A thin gold chain ran around the man's neck; John reached for it and wondered how he'd pull it out of the film.

His fingers slid easily into the film as if it wasn't even there. He tried not to think about what kind of nanotechnology had created it, grabbed the chain and pulled it. As he expected, two tiny crystals hung from the chain. John removed one, setting it on the man's neck. It sank beneath the film, resting there in the hollow of his dead throat. He moved to the next body, ripping off the necklace and leaving on crystal behind.

He tried to look at each face, reminding himself that these were his brothers and sisters in arms, even if they had removed him from his home. They had wanted what he wanted, a home and a life in the Pegasus galaxy. After a few they blended together, peaceful and proud in an endless parade of strength and nobility. John kept going, crouching by each until his knees hurt from the effort. He didn't know how long it was taking him, wasn't sure if Ronon's team had reached the bridge yet. He owed it to these people.

His radio crackled in his ear, "We've taken the bridge," Ronon announced with a hint of disappointment. "It's deserted as well."

"They were tracking something on the planet," Rodney added over the radio. "It looks like the captain and a few others took the Lantian captain and General O'Neill down to the planet. There seems to be some kind of research base there."

"They must have at least one jumper after all," Ronon chimed in. "That or a transport system we haven't seen yet."

"Their technology seems to be entirely based on that of the Ancients," Teyla pointed out. "I doubt they have such a device."

"Woolsey was in rough shape," John said as he tucked yet another crystal into his vest pocket. "Carson took him to my jumper. I'm in the brig...morgue," he corrected himself, "I could use a hand."

"We shall assist you," Teyla assured him with her usual calm.

"Colonel, I'd like to stay here, see if I can..." Rodney began to ask.

John chuckled in spite of himself, "...very good Rodney," he answered. "See if you can steal the ship. We could use something as heavily armed as this."

"Think of it as an early Christmas gift," Rodney offered dryly. "McKay out."

He'd moved down six more bodies when Ronon and Teyla arrived to help him. Neither of them said anything as they settled to the task of marking the dead. Between the three of them, the silent understanding remained.

"Who does such a thing?" Teyla asked finally when her sense of honor was too offended to remain silent.

"Machines," Ronon answered simply. "Machines without conscience, without honor."

"We're doing the same thing to them," John pointed out as he stood and moved to the next body. "We fly out of the sky and blast thing with energy that kills them without warning or recourse."

"We should make sure we do it first," Ronon added as he ripped a chain free. "We at least know what it is to fight with honor. These prisoners were slaughtered in their own minds."

John felt the shiver of disgust run cold up his back. "I know," he agreed weakly, feeling his voice echo through the room. "We'll get them."

"Rodney believes it will be easy to take this vessel," Teyla explained as she stood from the last body. "He has already gotten into the computer system."

John double checked his ARG and the life signs detector. When he was satisfied no one else remained he nodded. "We'll let him take it; we still have people to save."

* * *

Elizabeth felt the queen's presence behind her as a palpable heat. As if the queen's body produced the same effect as a torch being held up behind her back. "What do you want in the control room?"

"You want to be in the control room," Mab corrected with erie calm. "You'll stop worrying about your team and your lover and finally be able to have a serious conversation."

Whirling around to glare at the other woman, Elizabeth felt her anger boil. "I am perfectly capable..."

Mab twisted her fingers and the pain lanced through her again. Shooting through her belly like a knife being dragged upwards through the flesh. Clinging to the wall let her remain upright, but barely.

"Stop arguing my dear Elizabeth and do as you are told," Mab suggested with deep malice in her voice. "Haven't you learned enough to listen to your betters?"

Resentment pushed the pain out of her mind, if only for a moment. "You are not..." Elizabeth began to protest, but lost the will as the agony within her doubled.

"I'm really not sure how much damage you can take," Mab admitted with a tilt of her head. "Perhaps we shouldn't test your body's ability to maintain the fetus. I'd hate to lose all your progress."

"My progress?" Elizabeth gasped out when the pain receded again. "What progress?"

Mab advanced on her instantly, seemingly without moving at all. One of Elizabeth's hands flew back against the dark wall of the city and the other was flattened against her stomach. She couldn't move as the other woman stalked her.

One wizened finger ran across her cheek, leaving a trail of heat behind. "Should I show you?" Mab pressed wickedly. "Remind you that the creature you fear is nothing more than the fusion of your DNA with your new lover's? Help you understand that the thing within you that you can barely acknowledge is nothing more than you and your darling John."

She released Elizabeth, letting her slump against the wall. Cold sweat sank into her uniform and the headache she'd been fighting demanded more of her attention. "The best parts of you, of course," she smiled, revealing perfect white teeth as she swept past Elizabeth on her way to the control room. "Now aren't you coming?"

Elizabeth swallowed, holding the soreness left in her stomach with her left hand. She had to go along, at least until she found out what this woman wanted. Dragging herself away from the wall, she prayed nothing that had been done to her was leaving any permanent damage. The queen hurried along, guiding her through the dark corridors of the city at a frantic pace. Elizabeth couldn't keep up and the queen whirled on her, glaring her impatience.

Elizabeth pulled herself up to her full height and glared right back. "You can rush me all you want, but unless you want me to lose this baby, you're not going to get anywhere without waiting for me."

"There's that fire I was looking for," The queen remarked over her shoulder as she turned around and waited for Elizabeth to catch up. "You're going to need that to defeat the Wraith."

"I am?" Elizabeth snapped back. "I think that's the most useful thing you've said."

Queen Mab only smiled as she fell in step with Elizabeth. "Very good," her eyes danced in her head. "Hating me could be good for you."

"If you're not going to leave," Elizabeth gritted her teeth and tried to reconcile what was happening to her. "You could at least tell me what you are."

"I was what you, until recently, so adorably worshiped as 'Ancients'," as she spoke she altered her appearance, leaving behind her velvets for the simpler robe of a Lantian scientist. Her hair left the tangled mass on her shoulders and became a neat bun on top of her head. "I was head researcher in one of the genetics labs."

"You're ascended," Elizabeth realized harshly. "But not..." she thought aloud, "Ascended beings don't torture others."

"Is it really torture?" Mab twisted the thought. "You still can't decide if you want to be carrying this child. The very idea that it could be something I did to you makes you even more apprehensive." She stopped walking and turned to the other woman with a kind smile. "Perhaps you'd like to see what happened? What you can't remember?"

Elizabeth was too tired for games. Taking the queen's shoulder she turned her around roughly and stared into her disturbingly black eyes. "Show me," she demanded. The hallway disappeared in a flash of fire. Then she was watching herself.

Herself of nine weeks ago laughed and tumbled into a bedroom with John back in the simple Great Hall of Ceol. The same bedroom she'd woken up in back when her strange journey began. She watched herself kiss him once, blushing as she did. The affection in the way John watched her was the same warmth she remembered but she hadn't seen the way she looked at him. The pure abandonment that she stared at him with as she led him to the bed, was shocking. The past version of herself pulled him down and wrapped her hands around his back.

In the vision John started to kiss her back, but then there was a flash of light. Both of them slumped unconscious to the bed, still tangled together. Light descended on them both, obscuring them from view. When the flame-kissed light faded, their clothes were in a pile on the two wooden chairs and they lay there, naked and intwined together.

They hadn't made love. No matter what they thought, the child inside of her had been created by someone else; this creature made of fire. Elizabeth jolted herself out of the vision, staggering back as it hit her. "You're not part of the Ancients. They'd never allow you to tamper with humans like that..."

Queen Mab began to laugh, throwing back her head and shaking with amusement. "What do you think they can do?" she stammered out through her laughter. "I'm the only one of them who wants to see the mistake destroyed. The rest of the so-called Ancients will just sit around and wait for your kind to stumble onto ascension as they did. They'll never help you, and if you fail, the Wraith will descend on Earth and feed. Then no one will be left to achieve their precious ascension."

* * *

The jumper had landed beneath the surface of the planet. The Replicator scout ship sat just inside a Lantian landing bay. John put down next to it, watching the display as it brought up a partial map of the structure. "It looks like one of the Ancient outposts," John said as he studied the display. "Wasn't in our database."

"Neither were the Asurans," Ronon added as he jumped up towards the hatch. "Ready to go?"

Teyla nodded and readied her weapon. "Yes," she agreed as she turned to John.

Deactivating the jumper, John left his chair and met them in the back. "Okay, let's take them."

After they opened the hatch it was quick. Ronon took point, heading down the stone tunnels towards the base. Two Replicators fell to his ARG, and a third patrol fell to Teyla's. John hung back, making sure no one cut off their escape. Staring down at the detector, he gestured down the left hand tunnel.

"Eight," he mouthed soundlessly. Ronon nodded and gestured with three of his fingers. Teyla followed his hand and took position at the door controls. At her nod the heavy metal doors flew open, John tossed his flash grenade. Screwing his eyes shut against the light, he followed the black shape of Ronon's back. A handful of well-placed shots took out the guards.

Two more important looking Replicators stood in the center, surrounding a throne chair with the female captain, Helia, in it. Both of their hands were in her head and the screams that cut through the blasts of the ARG's weren't even human anymore. The sound cut into John's soul, like listening to an animal let go of the last of its life.

General O'Neill lay slumped on the floor. When the Replicators released Helia, one of them turned on him, but Teyla got in the way. Blocking the stabbing arm with her body she fired, dispatching the Replicator into a silver mist. His hand had penetrated into her shoulder, blood oozed slowly from the wound, leaving a brilliant trail of crimson on her purple shirt.

The second Replicator lunged towards John, moving so quickly he seemed to teleport from Helia to him. He ducked, taking a blow on his back that might have killed him if it had hit anywhere else. Hitting the ground so hard the wind rushed out of his chest, he tried not to think about the stars blocking his vision. He rolled, coming up as he fired. The Replicator burst into a shower of silver that stung his eyes as it fell over him.

The screaming had stopped. Ronon finished off the last guard. Tucking his ARG into the holster, he pulled a square of cloth from his vest and shoved it against Teyla's shoulder. Pressing it down hard with his hands, he looked over the two prisoners.

Helia's eyes were opened but they stared vacantly at the ceiling. On the floor, General O'Neill coughed and sat up next to John.

"Took you long enough," he complained as he leaned against the chair.

"You're welcome, Sir," John replied with a wincing smile. He started to stand up, but stopped. "Ow..." he muttered to himself, rotating his shoulder back slowly.

"All right?" Ronon asked as Teyla took over putting pressure on her shoulder.

"I think it's going to be a hell of a bruise," John winced again and turned to Teyla as he finished struggling to his feet. "You?"

"I am sure Doctor Beckett will be able to repair it," Teyla said sincerely as she looked down at her arm. "It appears to look much worse than it is." Even with her assurances, her face was pale and he could smell the blood on the floor.

John nodded, Teyla was tough and she'd pull through worse. He reached down to the general, dragging the older man to his feet. Jack got up slowly, leaning on his rescuer for support. John's shirt collar pulled down as he tugged, revealing the deep red mark Elizabeth had left on his neck.

Jack squinted at it, wondering if his eyes were working enough to see what he thought he saw. "You've been having a good time, haven't you?" he teased before shaking with a cough that rattled his entire body. Like Woolsey he was dangerously thin and his eyes were sunken back into his head.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I don't know what you mean," John replied as he narrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

Jack poked at his neck with a feeble hand. "Got a little love bite here," he said through a smirk. "Wonder who that's from..."

John blushed involuntarily, feeling the blood pool hot in his face. He said nothing and started dragging the general over to the door.

Ronon bent down over the Lantian captain. "She has a pulse," he reported to the rest of them. Waving his hand over her face, he got no response. Her eyes continued to stare straight ahead, like marbles set in her face. "Doesn't seem to have much else," he added, slipping an arm beneath her and scooping her up.

"Take her back to the jumper," John ordered as he navigated around the chair.

"ZPM!" Jack shouted gruffly, drawing John to a halt. "There's a ZPM in the..." he trailed off again, wincing from some unseen injury. "...in the base...thing," he finished weakly.

"Teyla?" John hinted as he started to walk again. Teyla nodded, kneeling on the base of the chair and searching with her good hand for the release. "She'll get it," he promised as he started down the long stone hallway. "Replicators were nice enough to leave the city with three." He stopped, shifting the general's extra weight away from his badly bruised shoulder.

"Three?" Jack echoed, "Nice."

"It was," John said as he turned back to check for Teyla. "Then Rodney broke the city."

"The city?" Jack repeated with awe. "He broke the whole city?"

"Took us two weeks just to fix the gate," John explained with relief as Teyla emerged from the doors.

"Without the ZPM the life support system will not remain long," Teyla informed them as she caught up at a jog, darkened ZPM in her strong hand.

"Didn't want to stick around anyway," Jack muttered softly as he tried to keep up with the colonel. "Terrible view, lousy service. I'm going to have to tell Carter about Rodney breaking the city. She'll probably bust a rib laughing."

John helped drop the older man into one of the seats in the jumper. Teyla sat in back, next to Ronon and the catatonic Ancient. Her shoulder had started to bleed again; Ronon sandwiched it between his huge hands and nodded up to John.

"Get us out of here," Jack suggested with a wry smile. "You got what you came for."

"Yes, Sir," John replied, dropping into the pilot's seat and bringing the jumper to life. "With pleasure."

* * *

"What do you think, Elizabeth?" Mab crouched in front of her, watching her with an oddly sympathetic expression. "Are you sure you don't want all of this to go away? Good riddance to being nauseated, dizzy, and exhausted. You can go back to drinking coffee all night and staying up worrying about your city."

Elizabeth tried to stand up, but stopped halfway; curling up around her stomach and praying it was all a bad dream. She didn't know how she'd made it to the gate room, or why she was kneeling on the floor, but the desperate pain in her stomach blocked most of her thoughts. "That's not what I want..." she started, choking on her agony.

"Isn't it though?" Mab pressed, grabbing her chin and tilting it up so Elizabeth had to look into her black, empty eyes. "You just want things to go back the way they were. So you can slip behind the facade of Doctor Weir and never feel anything again." The queen rose to her feet, dropping the other woman's chin and staring down at Elizabeth's crumpled form on the floor. "I can make it all go away," she whispered seductively. "I can take the child from you and send it to a woman on Ceol. She'll never question her blessing."

"No..." Elizabeth gasped into the floor, before she had the strength to lift her head. Pain still came from her stomach in waves, rising and falling with the queen's mood. Sweat ran down her arms, leaving damp hand-prints on the cool metal floor of the city. "You can't."

"It's not like you want it," Mab intoned as she toyed with a line of fire in the air. "You surged with disgust when I showed you how your child came into being. I felt your hatred. Your sense of violation when you knew it wasn't that handsome Colonel Sheppard who planted it within you." She caught Elizabeth's shoulders suddenly and dragged her to her feet.

Crying out in surprise, Elizabeth sagged in her grasp. "I don't care!" she shouted defiantly. "John doesn't care. He loves..."

"...you." Mab finished as she smoothed a damp lock of Elizabeth's hair back from her face.

Cringing, Elizabeth tried to pull away, biting her lip against the pain she suddenly couldn't escape. "He loves the child," she whispered with all of her unspent rage. "I'm not going to be the one to take it from him!" her sudden strength surprised her as she broke free of Mab's grip. "Do whatever you want to me," she challenged wildly. "I'm going to keep this baby."

Mab's smile grew like a shadow across the sun. "I'll see you again," she promised as she took a step back. Her body faded, losing the image of the Ancient scientist into a ball of burning orange-white light. "You'll have to come visit me," she suggested in her rasping tone. "We'll have so much to talk about."

The light turned, leaving Elizabeth on the floor of the control room as it went to the gate. Dialing with only the power of her mind, the light waited only a moment before disappearing into the rippling surface of the gate.

It wasn't until the gate evaporated that Elizabeth started to sob in relief. The pain had left with the queen, leaving her shaken and drenched with sweat. She took a halting step towards the stairs. She could put up the shield from Rodney's laptop. She had no idea how useful it would be against an ascended being, but it was something she could do. Something she could touch and try to feel safe. Half-crawling up the stairs, Elizabeth made it up to the control panel. She slapped the shield control and collapsed into the chair.

Laying her throbbing head down on her arms, she meant to only close her eyes for a second. She'd been awake too long and fighting with Ancient-impersonating-demons wasn't helping her exhaustion. Elizabeth felt herself start to fade, beginning to lose consciousness. For some reason her memory flashed to the briefing she'd had on the Ori. She remembered Daniel Jackson explaining the utter contempt with which the Ori consider humanity.

Pulling her up again with great effort, she remembered that Rodney's computer could access the database. Without the patronizing hologram she might be able to get more from the database and stay under the radar of the queen. After all, it was the second time she'd seen the hologram do something that involved an ascended being. Maybe there was something wrong with that room.

Rodney's computer obediently logged into the Ancient database; even provided her with a self-designed search window. Reminding herself to thank him for being so incredibly thorough, she started searching. Keeping busy on the computer kept her from thinking about the headache that had taken up permanent residence in the back of her skull. Digging around the feet of her chair for the canteen of water with shaking hands, Elizabeth couldn't banish the feeling something was wrong with her.

Swallowing the water slowly, she hoped her stomach would let her keep it down. Her database query returned a mass of data; including lab reports signed by a geneticist named Mauve, crew manifests from missions she must have attended, and a 'missing-presumed-dead' note from over ten thousand years ago. Elizabeth picked the death record, calling it to the front of her screen.

Instead of the ease of the holographic interface, she had to wade through the record in the original Ancient. Wishing she'd thought to bring her computer from Earth, Elizabeth settled down to try and translate it by hand. When she didn't throw up, she grew brave enough to drink more of her water. As she tried to ignore the strange taste in her mouth, she managed to read the record.

The creature now calling herself Queen Mab had indeed once been an Ancient scientist. She had been on a top-secret mission attempting to use a viral weapon of her own design against the Wraith when she, along with her vessel, had disappeared. The vessel had been presumed destroyed and the loss of the scientists onboard a loss for all of Atlantis.

The lab reports would have been a mess even if she had gotten them in English. As she leaned on the desk, rubbing her temples and her forehead in a poor attempt to deal with her growing headache; Elizabeth remembered why she'd hated biology in school. However, in between the passages of indecipherable scientific data, Mauve's personal notes were disturbingly fascinating.

Yawning into her hand, Elizabeth propped up her head and kept reading. Mauve had been exhaustedly dedicated to mapping and improving the human genome. Her early reports were fairly positive; she had successfully eliminated a genetic defect that led to deadly allergic reactions in the population of one planet and managed to wipe out a plague on another. After a while her reports took on an uglier tone. Mauve lost compassion for her human subjects; occasionally blaming them for not responding to her tampering as she wished.

Elizabeth turned her head away, letting her eyes relax for a long moment. She had little experience diagnosing mental illness, but years of experience with megalomaniac dictators let her know what the warning signs were. Getting up out of the chair to stretch her legs, she put both hands on the small of her back as she tried to straighten the dull ache out of it.

Staring at her watch only made her more impatient, somehow, without her noticing another six hours had passed. Her watch said it was four in the morning. It was so hard to tell the time of day under the water because it was always blue and dark, no matter the weather or the time of day.

The Carson in her head said she should sleep. The John within shouted that she hadn't had enough to eat. He even suggested that the entire experience had been a hallucination. Her way of reconciling her fears of her body.

Elizabeth shook them both away, pulling her chair back to the desk and Rodney's computer. Her encounter, hallucination or not, had left her too vulnerable for sleep. The very idea of closing her eyes in the darkness made her chest tighten. She promised herself she'd eat what Teyla had left out for her of the Athosian rations, but only once she was sure she'd keep it down. Wouldn't make much sense to throw it up, she rationalized it to herself as she forced her eyes to concentrate on the Ancient data. Something in the database would tell her about the LK476 and her new adversary. Even if it didn't, it kept her from dwelling on the loneliness of the empty city.


	11. family

"Can you run it or not, Rodney?" John pressed as he tapped his fingers impatiently on the console.

"Give me a break," Rodney snapped back. "This isn't like I'm hot-wiring a car. This is a battleship, it's not easy! Having you hound me every second of the last two hours really isn't helping!"

Ronon stood back from them both, smiling in slight amusement. "I'll stay with McKay. Make sure he stays on task. Leave us all the food you've got, and we'll see you in a couple of days."

"You're sure?" John started towards the exit of the bridge, ARG in hand. "I hate to..."

"Oh get out of here," Rodney waved impatiently as he rolled his eyes. "Go see her so you can stop worrying and driving me crazy. I have things to do."

"I'll bring up all the food Carson and Teyla have before we go," John promised as he started to run down the hallway towards the landing bay.

Rodney turned back to the console, shaking off his frustration as he dove into the computer code.

"Thought he'd never leave..." Ronon said under his breath as he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

"He is kind of a ball of nerves lately, isn't he?" Rodney complained as he opened on the panels beneath the console.

"Having a child can change a man," Ronon said, shrugging quietly. "My best friend went through a similar transition. One day he was happy, carefree, then..." he waved lazily towards the direction Sheppard had left. "It doesn't get better," he promised Rodney darkly.

"Ah, well, better him than me I suppose," Rodney said absently, digging through until he found the line of cable he wanted. Plugging it into another conduit, he smiled at the console. "Now let's talk," he whispered to it seductively.

"Wake me up when you're done," Ronon suggested as he slid down to the floor and got comfortable.

"Uh-huh," Rodney replied without listening as he disappeared into his work. Ronon smirked slightly in response before settling back.

The jumper could barely land fast enough. He'd punched in his IDC, waited for the response and everything else was a blur. She hadn't been in the control room, he'd been watching too closely for the black silhouette that was her to have missed her.

"Little rushed to get home, Colonel?" Jack teased him as he sat up a little in his chair as the co-pilot.

John relaxed into back into his own chair as best he could. The display on the screen showed only the familiar, pleasant readings of Atlantis. "Well," he looked across to the general and then quickly back to the display. "I just, I made her stay..."

"Ah," Jack snorted with amusement. "No one can really safely stay in a big, underwater, shielded city..." he faded off, grinning to himself in spite of his exhaustion. "She's probably in grave danger." He reached over, patting John's hand with his own thin one. "I'll be happy to see Doctor Weir too, as well as eat at least three servings of whatever you call food."

John smiled slightly as he left his seat. "We really lucked out there, Teyla and Ronon brought us some stuff from the Athosians, way, way better than MREs," he promised as his smile grew. "Rodney doesn't think so, but you shouldn't believe him.

Carson met John at the hatch. "Woolsey and the general might be able to make it on their own if you and Elizabeth can give them a hand. I can carry the captain; she really doesn't weigh much of anything."

John nodded idly, but all of his attention was on the slowly opening hatch. She was there. She'd have to be, because no force in Pegasus would have kept him away. She had her back to the jumper for some reason, and he could watch her jolt, startled by the sound as the door headed towards the floor. She turned around, finally, but to him it seemed to happen in slow motion.

His heart was beating faster than it had when he was fighting the Replicators. John forced himself not to jog down the ramp.

* * *

When his IDC had come through, her heart had skipped; pounding all the more painfully when it began again. Was it possible to feel so much that everything canceled itself out? Could she be so overwhelmed by one person? Elizabeth had closed her eyes and turned away from the hatch of the jumper. She smiled ironically, wishing she knew if she could blame John or being pregnant for the butterflies in her stomach.

Her head was still foggy, and closing her eyes had only reminded her how tired they were. Rubbing at her eye sockets, she wished vainly her body would pick one thing to nag her about. Straightening her back didn't help the ache as it had a few hours ago and she wondered if she was just that tired. Elizabeth heard the hatch connect with the floor with a deep, metallic thud.

Turning around, she started to smile, promising herself that they'd figure it out. The world had fallen apart around them before and John had always-

"Miss me?" he asked simply, carrying so much more in the question than she would have ever thought possible.

Elizabeth tried to bury her response in her throat, but she made a noise somewhere between a sob and a giggle. "A little," she lied, uncomfortably wrapping her arms around her stomach. "Did you get our people back?"

Jack stumbled down the ramp on his own, stubbornly refusing Carson's help. "Would you just kiss her already?" he grumbled as he sank to the floor of the bay.

Elizabeth caught herself making the choked noise again and covered her mouth with her hand. "Welcome back, General," she managed to get out as the blush ran rampant over her skin.

Jack just grunted as he spread himself out on the floor. "I don't mean to be rude; I just hope it's occurred to the two of you how short life is." He threw out his arms, and stared at the impossibly high ceiling. "This is a beautiful city. Just look at that architecture..." he sighed with contentment. "I'm getting too old to be kidnapped by the bad guys."

John took her arm, making it impossible to concentrate on anything else. He was worried and it was all over his face. His eyebrows were too tight and his eyes were too soft. Elizabeth sighed; realizing she must look worse than she thought.

"That bad?" she whispered to him as he pulled her a step away from the jumper.

"You look like you're going to pass out," John pointed out in his gentlest tone; the one that made her feel like she was breaking his heart.

"I..." she stopped when lying seemed terribly unfair to him. "...I'll throw up before I pass out," Elizabeth admitted with a sigh.

"Oh," he grabbed her other arm and pulled her a little closer. She was still too pale, and it was painfully obvious even in the weak light from the flashlight in her hand. "...still sick to your stomach?"

"I think I'm sick to my everything," Elizabeth sighed with a twisted smile. Putting her head on his shoulder gave him an excuse to hug her to his chest; she collapsed into it.

John buried his hand in her hair, cradling her head against him. "Thank you," he said without explanation, knowing how hard it must have been to know there was nothing she could do to help the people she cared for. "Did you eat?" he nagged when he couldn't keep it back anymore.

Elizabeth shook her head slightly, lifting it a little from his shoulder. "I thought about it," she said as she brought her eyes up to meet his.

Disapproval roamed across his face, overriding his concern just for a moment. "You really should," he insisted when she pulled out of his arms.

She closed her eyes again, sighing as she resigned herself to standing upright. "I will," Elizabeth promised, taking the initiative to kiss his cheek. "Let's get our wounded down to the infirmary, shall we?" she suggested professionally, taking them out of the moment for now.

John tried to smile through his concern and managed to succeed for the most part. "You help the general off his floor and I'll get Woolsey?"

"You'd better believe it's my floor," Jack called from his spot a couple meters away. "It's the best damn floor I've been on in a long time."

Elizabeth crossed to him, lowering her hand as she braced herself. She wasn't even sure how she'd walk to the infirmary, but somehow she found the strength to pull Jack to his feet. The general put his arm around her shoulders, which steadied them both a bit.

"Have I mentioned that you are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen," Jack teased just to get her to smile.

"Teyla probably looks a bit better than I do," Elizabeth corrected him sarcastically. She didn't think that he didn't know, and she had to concentrate so hard on her next few steps that she missed the look that crossed his face.

"Have to admit you've looked better," Jack answered with a smirk as it started to come together in his head. The stairs were a little difficult; both of them had to keep their hands on the railing to make it down without falling. He could smell the nervous sweat in her hair when it brushed past her face.

"Felt better too," she added under her breath, still frustrated by all of it. "I am glad you're all right."

Jack stopped them, taking a moment to catch his breath. Elizabeth wondered how much of his weight he was holding back. Neither of them was in any real shape for the walk to the infirmary. "Weren't too bad I suppose," he cracked with the ghost of a smile. "Just spent so much time sticking their damn hands in my head that they forgot to feed me sometimes."

"What did they want?" Elizabeth wondered gently, taking the break as an excuse to lower her head. Her vision was starting to black around the edges and the dark corridor was only getting longer on the way to the infirmary.

"Ascension," Jack sputtered as he forced himself up from the wall. "Every damn time, all they wanted to know was everything anyone had ever told me about ascension." He coughed, shaking her with him as he fought for breath. "Which isn't that much, to tell you the truth. Stupid things should have tried for Daniel instead of me," he joked in exhausted bad taste.

"Their leader didn't have much stock in ascension the last time I talked to them," Elizabeth said as she swallowed against the rebellion of her stomach. She closed her eyes and let him lead her feet for a few moments.

"New guy," Jack explained with biting sarcasm. Drawing on his reserves of strength he managed to pull his weight back. "The one who Rodney reprogrammed came back with a new agenda, guess something about him was changed enough that he took over. Niam's the head honcho now."

Elizabeth stopped them, leaving the general against the wall as she bent down and tried to compose herself. She had to balance herself with her hands on her thighs; even taking a deep breath didn't help her stomach quiet itself. Maybe it was just thinking about Niam, after all he'd put her through, but being sick in the hallway was a distinct possibility.

"You okay?" Jack wondered as he pushed himself off the wall. Staggering slightly as he made his way across to her, he touched her shoulder. "Elizabeth?"

Sinking all the way down to the floor, Elizabeth dropped her head between her knees. "Sorry," she whispered with her hand over her mouth. "It's been hard, lately..."

"I see," Jack replied thoughtfully, sitting down next to her against the dark wall of the corridor. "Commando's a new look for you," he said, startling her slightly away from the chaos in her stomach.

"John..." she paused, swallowing quickly. "Got them from the SGC, before we left"

"Stole the puddle jumper to come after me, didn't you?" Jack realized with a quiet smile. His hand ran comfortingly over her shoulder, but his eyes searched the corridor.

Her head dropped again, fighting the losing battle against her increasing nausea. "We did..." she choked a little, swallowing before she finished.

"They wanted to blow up the city," Jack finished for her. "I saw the plan for a foothold situation on Atlantis, didn't really expect a rescue." He dragged himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the wall as he moved down the corridor towards the plant in the corner. The Replicators had let much of the human touches go to waste, including the plants they'd collected from the mainland.

Two weeks without water had left the little tree completely dry, and some of the leaves fluttered dead to the floor as he kicked it towards her. She lifted her head up from her knees and stared at him in mild confusion.

"Not to say that I don't appreciate being rescued," Jack pointed out as he settled down clumsily next to her. "Easier to clean," he explained with a sympathetic shrug as he gestured towards the tree. "Figured it's the least I can do, you did steal a precious piece of Ancient technology and bring it all the way here to save me."

"We did it for Woolsey," Elizabeth joked weakly, turning away from him and grabbing her stomach.

"It's been awhile since I held anyone's hair back," Jack teased again, strangely relieved by the normalcy of the situation.

Starting to giggle, she stopped as stomach acid stung the back of her throat. Elizabeth jerked up to her knees, leaning up over the rim of the pot. The faint smell of dirt and dried leaves seemed out of place in the advanced city.

True to his word, she felt Jack's hands brush coolly across her neck as he collected her hair. "It's all right," he whispered comfortingly. "You're all right."

"No..." she argued, gasping before she finally vomited.

Jack had seen too much in his life to even recoil. He watched sympathetically as what little she had in her stomach poured from her mouth. Her skin was slightly damp around her hair, but it wasn't warm. His suspicions confirmed, Jack listened as she struggled for the chance to breathe. Her diaphragm convulsed again, even though there was nothing left to spill into the dirt. Her fingers went white on the edges of the potted tree.

Coughing a little, she pulled back and Jack caught her shoulders. He held her as she wiped her mouth against her sleeve.

"Sara said eating helped after awhile," Jack remarked to the back of her head. "She never felt like she should, but she felt better when she did."

"Sara?" Elizabeth wondered shyly, trying to ignore the sickly sweet taste vomiting had left in her mouth.

'My ex-wife," Jack said calmly, radiating his serenity through the hands on her back. "She was miserable when she was pregnant." He smiled when she looked up at him in surprise. "It's why we only had one kid; at least, that's what I've always thought."

She shook her head slowly and realized no one had to tell him. "That obvious?" Elizabeth asked as she hugged her chest and sat up a little straighter.

"You know..." Jack began thoughtfully, "...it was John. He had this funny look in his eyes." He pointed at his own eyes, shrugging again. "And Carter told me about John asking Daniel about this symbol you ran into at at that festival."

"I see," Elizabeth responded quietly. Her empty stomach was easier to deal with. She still had the headache to deal with, and exhaustion made her body hurt in a hundred different places. "And that led to me being pregnant?"

"Well, no, but now you've admitted it. Which means I won my bet and I am getting a home-cooked meal when I get back," Jack admitted proudly as he struggled to his feet. "I think I'll ask for swordfish. Carter should be able to find swordfish..."

"You bet?" she demanded incredulously. Starting to stand made her head spin, and only hanging onto the wall and Jack let her keep her feet.

"Yeah," Jack said gently, still smiling. "It gets boring on Earth, we need to wager about the lives of people we know." He winked at her and started walking.

"I'm supposed to be escorting you," Elizabeth chided him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders again.

Shrugging a little, Jack stopped outside the door to the infirmary and fussed with the crystals on the wall until he got it hiss open. "I had a handful of power bars on the way back. Guess I can still bounce back."

"What did Colonel Carter bet?" Elizabeth asked as the general led them to the sink in the back of the dark infirmary. He left her there and headed for the emergency lights in the center of the room.

He turned around, pulling himself up on one of the Ancient medical beds and lay back with a huge sigh of relief. "Dancing," Jack answered with a curious tone. "One night of dancing, where I had to show up wearing whatever she requested." He closed his eyes and shuddered. "Probably a penguin suit."

Elizabeth swished some of the cold water from sink around in her mouth before she spat it out. Washing the edge of her sleeve in the water as well, she noticed how worn the fabric was started to get. How long had it been since she'd had anything clean to put on? "But what did she think? That I wasn't pregnant?"

"Oh no," Jack chuckled as he waved a hand lazily through the air. "She thought I'd hear it in a mission report first, before one of you got up the guts to tell me."

Her eyebrows went up in surprise, and she drank half a glass of water before coming up with a response. "Was there anyone who didn't think?"

"No, not really," Jack told the ceiling through his closed eyes. "Daniel refused to get involved, figured the odds were already just too stacked. Murphy's law and all..."

"I see," Elizabeth managed to say before she started to fade. Her head was pounding so much that his voice sent waves of pain bouncing through behind her eyes. "We didn't," she admitted with more bitterness than she thought she had in her. "We thought we did, God, we've had sex twice since then. John..." She stopped short when Jack's head shot up in surprise.

"You didn't?" he asked with careful patience. Rolling to his side, he propped his head and watched her. The black of her shirt combined with the dark tendrils of her hair made her skin startlingly pale.

"There's an ascended Ancient on Ceol," Elizabeth began, feeling the trembling start in her hands. "She...visited me, while I was alone in the city. She informed me that she'd been conducted genetic experiments on the people of that world, and since John and I happened to be there, and he had LK476-"

His confused expression prompted her immediate explanation.

"The Ancient gene, what you have," Elizabeth said with irritation spilling into her voice. "I looked her up in the Ancient database and she was a scientist, one that seems to have lost her mind since she was."

"Ah," Jack noted softly, turning it over in his head. "I think I've still won my part of the bet," he teased before sitting up with a heavy sigh of resignation. "Come sit down," he suggested next, pointing to the bed across from his. "You look worse than I feel."

"You had power bars," Elizabeth poked back weakly.

"Touché," Jack said with a nod. "So she did something to you."

"She impregnated me in order to further the Ancient gene," Elizabeth snapped in exasperation and disgust. "John has it and I don't," she paused, resting one hand over her heart. "At least, I didn't." She met his eyes, and though he was confused, Jack stayed quiet. "I can turn on jumpers now, not in a useful way mind you, they just flicker for awhile."

"Always liked the word 'flicker'," Jack added absently. He kept smiling, gesturing her over to the bed again. "Still, that's more than most of the population."

"I just hate feeling like I'm being manipulated," Elizabeth argued back, inconsolable in her sense of violation. She took a few steps towards him, wavering when she had to walk without support. On one step her legs buckled and he slid off the bed.

"I'm not sure I can catch you," he admitted matter-of-factly, "I'll try, but you might want to sit down before they have to pick us both up off the floor."

Pulling herself up on the bed took so much effort that her arms hurt from the strain, Elizabeth sat on the edge quietly for a moment; willing the soft beige walls of the infirmary to come back into focus. "She threatened to take it," she whispered to the floor before she managed to lift her head.

"It?" Jack asked, putting a comforting hand on her knee.

"She said if I didn't want the baby, she'd take it away," she stammered out, feeling her voice break. The hand on her knee took hers and held it.

"And for awhile it seemed like a good idea," Jack finished for her. "Trust me; I think it crosses every parent's mind. If I'd just...something...I wouldn't have to deal with this."

"I didn't know you had children," Elizabeth tried to change the subject away before he noticed the tears she was fighting.

Digging around in the pockets of his uniform, he came up with nothing. Shrugging apologetically, he offered the back of his hand. "My son died twelve years ago," Jack clarified with a softness that belied the old pain in his eyes. "It's all right," he added before she could apologize. "Charlie was a great kid. I don't regret him. Any minute of him."

Clinging to his hand for support, Elizabeth bravely let him see the tears she felt running hot down her face. "I'm not ready, this isn't right; it's the wrong time..."

Jack cut her off when he heard footsteps in the hallway. "You're the right people. You love..." he closed her mouth when she tried to protest, "...despite what anyone might have told you, I'm not an idiot." He paused and gave her a wicked grin. "You love him, he loves you and since everyone else in the universe saw it before you did, you're just going to have to accept it."

John emerged into the light from the dark hallway first, Helia cradled in his arms. He set her carefully on one of the beds on the other side. Elizabeth nearly shuddered when she saw the blank eyes of the Lantian captain. She remembered a cold and formidable woman, but Helia had been replaced by an empty shell that lay like a dead thing when John released her.

Teyla followed him, clutching a blood-drenched bandage on her shoulder. Her normally tan skin was pale from blood loss. The coppery stench of blood drifted through the room, but she only had an optimistic smile for Elizabeth and Jack. "It is not as bad as it looks," she promised stoically, "And it certainly could have been worse."

"You're first," Carson promised as he negotiated the doorway with Woolsey's arm around his neck. "It just looks like a puncture wound, but I'd like to get it sutured before you need a blood transfusion."

"Of course Doctor," Teyla sighed as she came to sit next to Elizabeth. The smell of blood immediately set her stomach twisting again, but there was nothing left.

"Now which one of you two was fertilizing the poor dead tree in the hallway?" Carson nagged with a distinctly paternal glare.

Jack pointed at her before Elizabeth had a chance to defend herself. "I'm actually feeling better," he proclaimed proudly with a half smile. "Just hungry..."

John appeared immediately at her side, slipping a nervous arm around her back. She was so relieved by the contact that she barely heard the rest of Carson's ranting.

"Teyla and I discussed it," Carson began cheerfully, "And she'd like to invite you, General O'Neill and you, Mr. Woolsey to the Athosian settlement. They're packing to come back to the mainland, but they have food and fresh air and I think being around people could be good for both of you."

Woolsey nodded, still in a state of shock. Jack managed a smile and shot John a questioning look. "How's their food?" he asked tentatively.

"Good," John answered quickly, paying far more attention to the way Elizabeth leaned against his chest. Her head was spinning so badly the room was a blur. In the haze of her exhaustion, the smell of his dried sweat on his uniform was the only link she had to reality and she clung to it. As she leaned in, putting more of her weight on him; he tucked his hand into her hair.

"I think it's a good idea," John said distractedly. "Things here aren't exactly the best." He glanced around, checking on everyone before he turned to Carson. "I'm taking Elizabeth to bed."

"That's a better idea," Carson agreed without letting her have a say. He opened his medical kit and started making preparations to suture Teyla's shoulder. "No offense," he directed apologetically at Elizabeth, "But, you look like hell."

"Hell or not," she started indignantly, forcing herself to sit up under her own power. "I'm still in charge of this facility."

"Aye, but you won't be if you pass out from exhaustion," Carson shot back as he removed the bandage from Teyla's shoulder. Blood oozed from the dark gash in her flesh and he started to clean it. "Go to bed, I promise Teyla and I can hold things together until you've rested."

With her pain firmly out of her mind, Teyla smiled serenely. "Carson is quite correct," she agreed.

The smell of blood cut metallic through the air and Elizabeth slid from the bed, fleeing the infirmary before her stomach got any other rebellious ideas. "Okay Carson," she acquiesced as John caught her arm to steady her. "I'll behave."

John's tension left his shoulders as he sighed in relief. "Control room?"

Jack groaned as he dragged himself back to his feet. "Lead the way," he said as he collected Woolsey from the corner. "We've been released for now, sent out to pasture for awhile," he joked, gaining strength every moment.

"What about her?" Woolsey asked in a haunted voice as he stared down at Helia. "Do you think you can help her?"

Carson kept his eyes on Teyla's shoulder as he started checking the muscle beneath the skin. "I'll do my best," he promised with a quick nod of his head. "Physically she seems to be all right, so there's hope she'll recover in time."

He nodded quietly, touching her shoulder gently before he left her. "You're in good hands now," Woolsey whispered so softly his voice barely carried.

"How'd he do?" John asked the general in a private whisper.

Jack's jaw softened, caught between pity and respect. "He kept it together; he's definitely got a backbone under his suit."

Elizabeth was too stubborn to let John wrap his arm around her as Jack had. She kept her arms folded over her chest and led the way to the control room with an iron determination not to give in to her weakness. She disappeared into her thoughts, only catching bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Rodney should make it back in a few days, sooner if he gets sick of rations," John explained as they rounded a corner. "The Replicators don't seem to have a key gene, so provided our genius can figure it out..."

"...threaten to call Carter," Jack interrupted sardonically, "Makes him work faster."

"I'll remember that," John promised as he grinned cheerfully. The new ship was terribly exciting. He'd enjoyed every moment of the Orion's short time with them, and unlike that ship, this one was fully functional. Elizabeth could feel his excitement in the bounce of his step behind her. Jack was getting swept up along with it; the two of them trying to decide if they should ask for a new crew to run the Asuran vessel when they got in touch with Earth.

"We haven't yet," Elizabeth reminded them softly; hating to ruin their fun. "The communications system is still a mess."

"Well," Jack started, scratching his head as he thought. "We could just throw them a note. We have that ZPM..."

John held up four fingers, keeping his face stoic as he waited for Jack to realize what he was saying.

"You have four?" Jack choked and started to laugh. "You have four ZPMs?"

"Yeah, but, we broke the city..." John admitted sheepishly. "I guess it is kind of funny."

"Kind of?" Jack turned his head away and lost the ability speak through his laughter. "I don't know if we've ever had four ZPMs that worked, let alone four at the same time."

Both of them started to laugh together, stumbling slightly up the steps as they shared the joke.

Elizabeth just shook her head. Hearing them both find the humor in their situation was oddly comforting. Jack was right, life was too short. Too short to worry about where her child came from. It didn't matter, because it was still John's. Holding on to his excitement in an effort to share it, she forced her fears to the back of her mind.

Clinging to the control panel as she sat down to dial the gate, her hands trembled slightly as she struck the symbols for the Athosians temporary home. Over the edge of the balcony, she watched the blue light of the gate fill the room.

John's voice crackled over the radio to her ear, "I'm going to pop through and introduce everyone, I'll be back in a minute, so leave the shield down," he promised.

"Bring us back some more rations if you can," she reminded him as she rubbed her temples. Perhaps Carson was right, all she needed was a little rest and her head would stop pounding. Yawning as she sent Rodney's computer back into the database, Elizabeth called Mab's logs back up. Marking certain passages to ask Carson about, she started sifting through the Ancient notes. There had to be something.

* * *

When John reemerged from the gate ten minutes later, the control room was completely quiet.

"Elizabeth?" he called up towards the balcony. Swinging the bag of food over his shoulder, John took the steps up to the controls two at a time. Some time with the Athosians might be just what Woolsey needed; he'd perked up a little when they showed him the warm, comfortable tent they were sharing with him. Jack was falling back into form; the Athosians were already making plans to teach him their way of spear fishing. He'd promised a fish by check in tomorrow.

John rounded the top of the stairs and stopped short. Making a mental note not to tell Rodney what Elizabeth was doing on his computer, he approached her at the desk. Rodney would never forgive her for falling asleep on it. Her hair tumbled over the arm that pillowed her head in a mess of dark curls. Her hand was still on the keyboard, she'd been reading something until her body just couldn't take it anymore. John smiled softly, bending down and lifting her head from the laptop as gently as he could.

Cradling her head back against his chest, he knelt on the floor by her side. For a moment she snuggled into him, instinctually craving the warmth of his body. Shaking her shoulder, John wondered if he'd be able to rouse her at all. Elizabeth moaned softly as he draped her arm around his neck. She was heavy against his chest, and he realized he'd be sore in the morning. He wasn't used to carrying unconscious women around the city.

"Elizabeth?" he tried again, cupping her cheek trying to decide if she'd finally fainted. "I'm going to take you to bed, if you wake up, you can chew me out for it, but until then I guess you're in my hands."

Tucking her legs into his other arm, John stood up cautiously. "See, you've got me so flustered I'm making bad puns." Her weight settled against his chest and he contemplated the stairs. "One step at a time," he reminded himself. "And fix the transporters next."


	12. responsibilities

_Spoilers for "The Princess Bride"_

"Try it now," Elizabeth called down from the control center.

John hit the transporter control and jumped back as a shower of sparks accosted him. "Dammit," he snapped as he stuffed his fingers into his mouth. Taking them out again and deciding they were undamaged, he glared up at the control room. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Yes," she called back, smiling slightly as the sound of his grumbling carried up the stairs. "I'm trying to get you replaced by someone younger, Major Lorne could use a promotion, don't you think?"

Reaching into the wall on a whim, John reversed two of the crystals and smacked them back into place for good measure. Closing his eyes before he tapped the touch screen again, he winced in anticipation of more sparks. Instead, the transporter politely brought him to the back of control.

"So, Major Lorne?" he taunted her as he crept up behind her.

Laughing as she backed away, Elizabeth ducked behind a console. "He is your second in command, isn't he?"

"Technically..." John gave in, suddenly turning serious. "I suppose I've lived the longest of anyone of my rank assigned to this base."

She pulled herself up behind the console and tried to ignore the heaviness that had suddenly settled into her chest. "Don't say that," Elizabeth said, shivering as chilled fingers ran up her spine.

"Yeah," John said weakly as he studied his boots. "Probably shouldn't jinx myself, huh?"

"No," she replied as she tried to get her levity back. "Nice work on the transporter."

"Thanks," he accepted with a shrug. "I hit it and it worked."

"Worked is what we're going for," Elizabeth leaned over the console and smirked at his hair. The lack of hot showers seemed to have only accentuated his hair's willfulness. "Want to try communications next? Or should we just toss a paper airplane through the gate to Earth?"

"I make a nice one," John added as he returned her smile. Ever since she'd woken up, she'd seemed like a new person. Carson had been right; again, that sometimes all someone needed was food and sleep.

Elizabeth stood up fully, stretching out her back as she circled around the console towards him. "I know you do, I saw your office at the SGC before we left," she teased.

"Paperwork and I just don't get along," John explained innocently. Bending down to pop off the access hatch of the communications console, he sighed as he stared at all the crystals. "We could really use Rodney and Zelenka just about now."

"Oh I know," Elizabeth sighed in frustration and sat down on the floor next to him.

"Did you ever see him?" John asked lightly, "When the kids got him?"

Shaking her head as she dragged the box of tools over towards them, Elizabeth felt the rush of pleasure when he touched her hand. "No, I'm afraid I missed it."

"Oh man..." John chuckled slightly at the memory. "He really was something special. We're going to have to tell those kids about Halloween one of these days, considering how much they like chocolate."

"Is that the sugar method of diplomacy?" she hinted with a brilliant smile. "Something I should take note of?"

"If you ever need to broker any kind of treaty with those kids," John started as he brushed against her shoulder. "I'd keep it in mind."

Reaching for one of the darkened crystals, Elizabeth leaned in, brushing across his arm with her chest. He raised an eyebrow and slid up closer to the panel, effectively trapping her between him and their work. He tilted his head closer, studying the play of the weak blue light on her lips. Her skin was brighter this morning and less transparent than it had been. She'd even eaten breakfast without complaint and apparent gusto.

More than that, all he could think in the moment he had was how beautiful she was. Her green eyes playfully refused to look at him, but she had left him a lovely view of the smooth line of her neck. Leaning close enough that he could feel the warmth of her skin, John smiled blissfully, absolutely content with the day.

He was still grinning like an idiot when she turned her head back and met his eyes. Maybe it was that grin that lead her to kiss him; he couldn't be sure, but he was going to take it. John felt her lips melt wet against his, and when her tongue found its way into his mouth he thought the tingling sensation was entirely her.

When they re-materialized in front of Hermiod and Novak on the **Daedalus**, John realized that it had been something else. Watching as Elizabeth blushed scarlet; he felt the same start to happen to him.

"Welcome back to the **Daedalus**," Novak chirped from Hermiod's side. "I'm sorry we couldn't give you more warning. Your communications system..."

"Was what we were trying to fix," John said lamely as he sprang up to his feet. "Really."

"I see," Hermiod muttered from his place at the transporter controls. "Bridge, this is Hermiod, Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir have arrived."

John helped Elizabeth up as well, letting go of her hand as soon as she was up, like a boy caught by his parents alone with a girl. "I suppose we should have been expecting you."

"We left right after you did," Novak explained as she worked very hard to avoid meeting either of their eyes. Smiling behind her hand, she stared at her computer. "Colonel Carter will explain, I'm sure."

"Colonel Carter?" Elizabeth asked curiously as her composure started to return. "Where's Colonel Caldwell?"

"Colonel Carter is in charge of the recovery mission," Novak replied as she tried to come to terms with what she'd seen. "The gossip is that she went to General Landry and stayed in his office until he authorized the mission..." covering her mouth nervously, she smiled apologetically, "...but I wasn't supposed to know that."

"Well," John shared a look with Elizabeth and realized their kiss would be all over the ship faster than news of the last one. "We won't tell."

"Thanks," Novak finished shyly. Hermiod rolled his eyes but said nothing as John tried desperately not to stare at him.

Elizabeth's smile seemed more amused than usual as they made their way to the bridge. "Hermiod's never going to like you if you don't stop staring at him," she pointed out impishly as she took his hand.

"Are you sure that's okay?" he stared down at their joined fingers and tried not to feel like he was twelve.

"I'm probably fired and you're probably out of the Air Force," Elizabeth sighed sarcastically, hoping she wasn't actually right about that. "It really doesn't matter, we could probably hop on the next puddle jumper we see and elope."

John halted their progress, tugging her black sleeve and pulling her aside. "Seriously?" he asked in quiet confusion.

"No, Doctor Sheppard sounds kinda funny, don't you think?" Elizabeth winked at him and started walking towards the bridge without him.

As he jogged to catch up, he shook his head in amazement. She was back. Whatever part of her that had been eclipsed by the bizarre revelation that she was pregnant had returned her sense of humor. It was oddly comforting, yet disconcerting at the same time.

"Colonel Weir on the other hand..." Elizabeth teased, picking the moment just before the hatch opened onto the bridge.

John fought to keep his expression even as they approached Colonel Caldwell in the center of the bridge.

"We only detected five life signs in the city," Carter's voice startled them both from behind.

"General O'Neill and Mr. Woolsey are with the Athosians on M9S-278," Elizabeth explained quickly, sensing a tension in the other woman's tone she knew all too well. "They'll be staying there until the Athosians decide whether or not to migrate back to the mainland."

Carter circled around them stopping just behind the helm. John knew the look on her face, he'd felt that unexplainable relief, but he was surprised how well she hid it.

"We hope Doctor McKay and Ronon will be returning soon as well," Elizabeth continued for Caldwell.

"And where might they be?" Caldwell wondered with quiet concern.

"They have a ship," John piped up cheerfully, unable to contain his excitement whenever their new battleship was involved.

"We've captured a Replicator battleship," Elizabeth translated, watching as Carter and John shared a moment of innocent excitement. "Doctor McKay was certain he could fly it home, so Colonel Sheppard agreed to let him."

Caldwell smiled and settled back into his gray metal command chair. "Seems like you've been busy, too busy to answer your radios perhaps?"

"Yeah, about that..." John started sheepishly, "We kind of, well McKay did, actually, over-loaded the city's systems."

Carter's eyes widened in surprise, "He used the ARG as a pulse weapon, without accounting for the frequencies Ancient crystalline technologies rely on," she blurted out in shock, "He must have overloaded..."

"...every system in the city," Elizabeth finished almost apologetically. "It took us nearly two weeks just to get the gate repaired."

"We should be able to help with that," Carter butted in as she took a step closer. "We collected all of Doctor McKay's science team before we left, not to mention the scientists the **Daedalus** already has on board, we should have more than enough hands to speed your repairs."

Caldwell gave her a look that suggested there was more to their trip than simply repairing Atlantis. Carter blithely ignored it and turned Elizabeth to face her. "When can we start beaming down teams? Do you require any other assistance?"

"Teyla," John interrupted as he too turned his back on Caldwell. "She was injured fighting the Replicators; Carson-Doctor Beckett's supplies are severely limited."

Carter tapped the radio in her ear. "Novak, I want you to lock on to the other three life signs and beam them straight to the infirmary."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said warmly. Fidgeting with her fingers as she turned back to Caldwell, she smiled to ease the tension. "I'd appreciate getting Doctor Zelenka and Colonel Carter right away, Rodney was forced to sink the city and you won't be able to land until it surfaces."

"Consider it done, Doctor," Caldwell allowed politely, relieved to have Carter off his ship for awhile. "I'll let you get your work done before we convene for a full debriefing."

"Thank you again, Colonel," Elizabeth finished sincerely. "I can't say enough how pleased we are to see you again; all of you." She glanced around the bridge before she took John's hand. The gesture drew a raised eyebrow from the colonel and more than a few curious looks from the crew as they followed Carter to the door.

Sam herself was a little surprised, but she hid it professionally as her blue eyes lit with a smile. "I knew you'd find him," she admitted softly by way of thanks. "When I heard you'd left, I knew."

"We don't leave anyone behind," John assured her with quiet dignity. He looked down before meeting her eyes. "No matter what."

* * *

By lunchtime Atlantis had life again, Zelenka was directing the science team; working them so quickly that they seemed to scurry all over the city like blue-shirted insects. After accepting Caldwell's welcome home gift of her laptop computer, Elizabeth retreated to her office. It had taken her longer than she liked to admit to configure her computer like Rodney's so she could access the database.

When she tried to pick up where she'd left off, nothing seemed familiar. How tired had she been yesterday when she'd tried to wade through the Ancient text? Sighing at her own fallibility, Elizabeth approached it logically from the beginning. Jotting down notes as she went, she was buried in technical details of the mostly unknown field of gene therapy when someone knocked on the glass of her office.

Colonel Carter stood there, a folded bunch of clothes in her hands. "Hi, John told me you all only brought one set of clothes and the **Daedalus' **stores are kind of light on spares," she began apologetically as she set the blue Air Force jumpsuit and a pair of black t-shirts on the edge of the desk. "We're about the same height, and these things are kind of baggy."

"Thank you, Colonel," Elizabeth said, sitting back in her chair with a relieved smile. "I was beginning to think I'd be stuck in this. Did you find Jack?"

"General O'Neill is flying jumpers for the Athosians," Carter explained with her brilliant smile. "He'll be helping them relocate all of today, but he invited me over to his tent for dinner. He caught some kind of fish that I need to cook for him."

"He wasn't making that up," Elizabeth realized softly, pulling the clothes across to her lap. "He mentioned something yesterday, but I was so tired I'm not sure what really happened and what my mind made up to fill in the blanks."

"General O'Neill might like to kid around, but he's true to his word about things that are important," Carter promised as she grabbed the back of the chair across from the desk. "Mind if I?"

"No, go ahead," Elizabeth waved her hand at the chair before setting her borrowed clothes aside. "Colonel Caldwell offered us the use of your showers on board as well."

"Actually, we got the hot water working here," Carter offered as she settled into the chair. "So you're good to go."

"Thank you, again," Elizabeth replied in grateful surprise. "I thought I was excited when the lights in my office came on. Hot showers and clean clothes as well...no wonder Rodney speaks so highly of you."

Carter blushed, something very obvious with her pale skin. "It's actually not that difficult, we just have a lot of hands," she demurred, trying to contain her embarrassment. "Can I ask you something?"

Setting down her computer, Elizabeth looked across at the other woman, suddenly curious. "You're lending me clean clothes, you can ask me anything," she joked lightly, unsure where the conversation was going.

"What made you decide..." Carter paused, struggling to find the words she wanted, "...it was okay to be with Sheppard, John, I mean?"

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose in mild surprise. "What exactly did Jack tell you?" she asked quietly, wondering if this conversation was going to end in a lecture on Air Force etiquette.

"I hear you're to be congratulated," Carter replied with a tiny smile. Something flashed through her sparkling blue eyes that Elizabeth hadn't expected to see.

"No, well, I suppose," Elizabeth stuttered. Closing her eyes, she found her calm. "I guess someone told you."

"Jack was pretty amused, said he thought it was only a matter of time before something like this happened," Carter admitted as her smile blossomed. "I'm afraid he's really been giving Colonel Sheppard a hard time."

"I think John can take it," Elizabeth said with confidence. Reaching for the glass of water on her desk, she wondered where the burning chemical smell was coming from. Looking past Carter out into the gate room, she got up for a better look. "Do you smell that?"

Carter shook her head as she turned in her chair. "No, I don't smell anything."

"Just me then?" Elizabeth asked sheepishly. Staring down she found two of the blue-shirted scientists dissecting part of the floor with a cutting torch. Satisfied that nothing was wrong, she returned to her chair. "I'm sorry; everything makes me a little jumpy."

"I'd guess, I can't say I'd know. I've never had a child," Carter said softly, studying Elizabeth's face as if there were answers there.

"I never intended to," Elizabeth divulged as she took a long drink of her water. Discovering the smell made it stick in her head, searing the back of her nose. "To be perfectly honest it was the last thing from my mind until Carson told me."

"Are you all right?" Carter pressed innocently. "You're not having trouble doing your job?"

"No, not yet," Elizabeth finished the last of her water and realized that her dream of making it through a day without being nauseated was just a dream after all. "I might, I guess...I have to admit I haven't thought about it. We've just been so busy trying to get the city put back together; everything else has been put aside."

"Seems like it would be hard not to think about it all the time," Carter said, folding her hands in her lap and watching her fingers.

"I don't know," Elizabeth said, swallowing against her first wave of nausea. "Would you mind if we moved this conversation? I don't think I can stay here while they're doing...whatever it is that they're doing."

"Retrofitting the gate controls," Carter explained quickly, as she left her chair. "I thought we should put in some safeguards. Make sure your city doesn't get knocked out completely again."

"Great," Elizabeth replied as she started down the catwalk from her office. "That seems like a smart idea."

Carter's radio chirped something into her ear and she paused before replying. Catching up with Elizabeth on the way through the control room, she grinned with excitement. "Doctor McKay and the Asuran ship just entered orbit. They're going to beam me aboard so he can show me everything he's discovered."

"Tell him good work for me," Elizabeth said as she headed down the stairs. Carter caught her arm, startling her as she fled the smell of the torches.

"Thank you for being candid with me, I know we haven't really met outside of the SGC..." Carter trailed off, searching for what she really, desperately wanted to say. "If you and John need anything, or anyone to stand up for you against the IOA or the Air Force, don't hesitate." She met Elizabeth's eyes before leaving her. "General O'Neill and I...we...understand."

Elizabeth took the hand on her arm and squeezed it warmly, wishing she could ease whatever was so heavy in the other woman's heart. "Thank you," she said firmly. Taking one step downwards, she turned back. "Especially for the clothes," she added, "It'll be nice to have something that's not black."

"Any time," Sam smiled back, letting her excitement wash away her apprehension. "I just hope they fit."

"Baggy might be what I need," Elizabeth realized suddenly, shaking her head as she tried to picture herself in a few months. Her mind didn't want to process anything that far in the future. Tucking her silicon earpiece back inside her ear, she watched as Carter dissolved in a cloud of white light.

Rodney would get the city running. Of course, she had absolutely faith in Colonel Carter's abilities. Zelenka was certainly incredibly capable as well, but neither of them were her scientific leader. As she walked through the city, her nausea eased. Being away from the smell of burning metal seemed to be the best thing she could do for her stomach.

The lights were back on in the reddish-gray pillars in the hallway and she had to dodge scientists and engineers as she made her way towards the infirmary. Carson had hoped it would be ready to receive Teyla and Helia before the end of the day. Turning the corner into the room she saw a few familiar faces at work on Carson's equipment. It didn't look quite ready yet, but the serious expressions everyone wore insisted it was going to be.

Silently leaving them, Elizabeth headed down to the power room. Skipping the transporter in favor of the quiet walk, she tried not to admit she like the peace of the empty city. It felt like the city was just waking up from a dream of darkness and had just discovered it had a million things to do.

The earpiece in her ear buzzed, followed quickly by Zelenka's excited Czech accent. "Doctor Weir? We think we're ready to try raising the city to the surface. Perhaps you would make an announcement? Tell everyone to hang onto something."

"Acknowledged Zelenka, good work," she said into her tiny microphone. Walking over to the wall and taking hold of the edge of one of the windows Elizabeth tapped her radio. "Everyone, this is Doctor Weir, please prepare for our attempt to raise the city by stopping what you're doing and hanging on to something solid."

Hitting it again to switch back to Zelenka, Elizabeth added; "Go ahead, Doctor."

Beneath her hand the city rumbled, like a great beast starting to wake. Remembering how violent rising had been the first time, she sank to the floor and curled into a ball. Humming with power around her, the engines of the great city fired with a jolt, sending them hurtling towards the surface. Feeling her ears start to sting painfully, Elizabeth swallowed a few times until they popped from the pressure.

Just like the first time light poured into the drenched windows, as if the entire city were being reborn into the daylight. Standing up slowly she wobbled a bit, as if she had to get her sea-legs again. Elizabeth brushed off her already dirty black uniform out of habit and hit her radio to praise Zelenka on a job well done.

* * *

"Look, this ship doesn't need you. Ronon and I got it back here all by ourselves," Rodney defended his console as Carter and John approached him. "And since it was mostly me, and I was the one who came up with the way to defeat the Replicators..."

Carter coughed into her hand.

"...I came up with the modifications for the way to defeat the Replicators," Rodney corrected. "I think I should get to name it."

"You can't call it 'Enterprise', 'Babylon Five', or the 'Millenium Falcon'," John insisted firmly.

"What about the 'Defiant'?" Rodney attempted hopefully. "That ship was a battleship."

"But it was so little," John argued back as he headed for the command chair in the center of the bridge.

"I'm calling her **Artemis**," Carter informed them as she beat John out for the chair. "And it's going to be final. Earth's working on a sister ship to the **Daedalus** we're calling the Apollo, and **Artemis** was his sister."

"Nice," John supported her as he retreated to the weapons console. "That I like."

"Two against one really isn't fair," Rodney complained to the engineering console. "You should have at least let me ask Ronon, or Elizabeth. Elizabeth should really get a vote."

"She'd like **Artemis**," John reminded him. "It fits with the rest of the ships having Greek names, and she'll probably say it's about time we had a girl ship."

"Wait," Rodney interjected. "How do you know it's a girl? It's just a ship."

"How do you know it's not a girl?" John teased as he brought the weapons online the way Rodney had showed him. "It took you nearly two days to figure out how to talk to her, that sounds like a woman to me."

Carter giggled unprofessionally from the command chair and called back to John. "She's going to be **Artemis** and that's the end of it. Rodney, I need you to radio the **Daedalus** and tell Caldwell to make sure he's out of the way of our weapon test."

"Who died and made you the boss?" Rodney grumbled under his breath.

John nudged him with an elbow. "She's above me," he reminded Rodney. "Until we hear from the SGC otherwise, General O'Neill is in charge of military operations, Colonel Caldwell is in charge of the Deadelus and Colonel Carter is in charge of the **Artemis**."

"Fine, the **Daedalus** has been notified, Atlantis has been notified, and we've been cleared to try our weapons," Rodney reported back as he started to get over his disappointment. "It would just be nice if us civilians got a little respect now and then."

"Elizabeth gets plenty," John teased as he prepared to fire. "Maybe it's just you."

"Gentleman, we have a test to conduct," Carter reminded them, rolling her eyes at the both of them. "Now if you please, lock on the target asteroid and fire-"

"The weapons test results were very promising," Carter began as she stood by the huge table in the Atlantis briefing room. "The energy weapons currently on the **Artemis** are much more impressive than anything we have deployed on any of our ships," she continued, directing their attention to the graph she'd made to show the calculated power output.

"From what we know of Ancient technology, specifically the weapons platform we used to destroy a Wraith ship, these weapons are really something," Rodney continued, eyeing Carter as he left his chair to stand next to her. "This ship could easily handle a Wraith ship, possibly two."

"Two?" Jack wondered with raised eyebrows.

"It's Aurora class, or whatever the Asuran equivalent is," Rodney replied.

"The Orion didn't have energy weapons," John pointed out as he fidgeted with the hem of his sleeve. A hot shower and new uniform had him feeling like a new man. Elizabeth was at his side. She looked strange in an Air Force blue jump-suit. She'd even stolen one of his patches before the meeting; pretending to be a Colonel had earned her a kiss in the hallway.

"The Orion was ten thousand years old," Rodney pointed out with a beaming smile. "The **Artemis** is brand new; it's like the difference between a car that's been sitting in your garage for ten thousand years and one fresh off the lot."

"So it's good?" Ronon asked as he sat back in his chair.

"Oh it's good!" Rodney replied happily. "It's so unbelievably good."

"As soon as we can get the communications up and running we're going to send a data burst to Earth detailing everything we've learned about the **Artemis**," Carter explained as she shut down the graph behind her. "Then providing the hyper-space tests go well, the **Daedalus** will return to Earth to pick up more supplies and personnel using the ZPM that was rescued from the Ancient outpost along with General O'Neill."

"Meanwhile, the **Artemis** will lead the counter-attack on the Asuran home world," General O'Neill piped up from his place on one of the corners. "Elizabeth and I have discussed it, and we believe the best defense-"

"-is a good offense," Elizabeth finished with a small smile.

General O'Neill nodded proudly as she made the reference. "Carter, McKay and Zelenka are already working on a way to deploy the anti-Replicator pulse from the **Artemis**."

"So we have a chance?" John asked as he glanced around the faces at the table.

"We have an excellent probability of success," Carter promised with a smile as she took her seat.

"Good, one last order of business then," Jack stood up, reaching behind his chair for a bottle of champagne. "Colonel Samantha Carter, in recognition of your outstanding dedication to duty, you are being promoted to field captain of our new warship, the **Artemis**. May the wind always be at your back, Colonel."

Caldwell passed around a tray of silver mugs from the **Daedalus**' mess hall. "I know they aren't crystal, but it's the best we could do on short notice," he apologized with a wink at Carter. "Congratulations, Colonel."

"Thank you, Sir," Carter's eyes sparkled unnaturally as the cork popped out of the bottle of champagne. "All of you," she finished as she accepted her cup.

Elizabeth passed all the cups on past her. John covered her hand with his, retrieving one of the empty cups from Caldwell and pouring water from his canteen into it he gave her that instead.

"That way you have something to clink," John whispered into her ear. "Wouldn't want you to miss out."

* * *

"Where did you find a copy of Princess Bride?" Rodney demanded as he chose a chair in the cafeteria.

"Lieutenant Keenan had one," John explained proudly as he handed his plastic bowl of popcorn to Elizabeth. "Figured on a whole ship full of scientists, someone would have to have it."

"There's nothing scientific in this movie," Rodney argued as he reached across John towards the popcorn. John smacked his hand playfully, elbowing Rodney in the side as he leaned over.

"We're on a date, Rodney, leave my popcorn alone," John explained in a stage whisper.

"A date?" Rodney sputtered back as he looked for the next closest bowl of popcorn. "Who said you two could go on dates?"

Elizabeth laughed as she pretended to yawn, sneaking her arm around John's shoulders. "John pointed out that we hadn't been on one yet."

He looked at her hand, more amused than surprised, before looking back to Rodney. "I said ever," he corrected, moving his feet out of the way to let one of the marines from the **Daedalus** take a seat somewhere down past Elizabeth.

"And there's something about this movie that has everyone so excited," Elizabeth explained as she took a bite of her popcorn. "I just had to come."

"If you haven't seen it, so you can't possibly understand," Rodney said, waving a hand in disgust. "Who's idea was it to have a movie night anyway? Don't we all have work we should be doing?"

"That's all we've been doing," John twisted Rodney's thought around and nodded playfully at Carson when he entered the cafeteria with Laura Cadman. "We've been fighting the Replicators, the crew of the **Daedalus** had a run in with an Ori scoutship on the way over from which they barely escaped. Everyone needed a break."

"And General O'Neill agreed?" Rodney wondered as Beckett sat down next to him.

"Of course he did, Rodney," Beckett said as he passed his popcorn into Rodney's waiting hands. "As far as generals go, he's one of the most relaxed I've run into."

Cadman reached playfully across Beckett's lap, stealing a handful of popcorn and making him squirm. "Even Caldwell admitted we needed a night off," she added, looking around to see if everyone had made it.

"If you people would all sit down," General O'Neill bellowed from the front of the room. "Children, we can't start the damn movie if you won't shut up." He clapped his hands together, drawing the attention of the room.

"Have you seen Teyla and Ronon?" John asked Elizabeth, leaning in his head close to her. "They really should see this."

"Teyla just got released from the infirmary, perhaps she needed more time to recuperate," Elizabeth guessed, trying to get comfortable in her chair.

"Oh no, there they are," John said, pointing at the door. Beckett saw them and waved over to their row of chairs. Teyla's shoulder still had a bandage beneath her purple and gray tank top, but she smiled as she took her seat.

"So this is television?" Ronon asked apprehensively, clinging to his silver mug as he slumped into his chair.

"No," Rodney explained as he rolled his eyes. "This is a movie..."

"...it's better than television," John finished as he shared a smile with Teyla. "Glad you're feeling better."

"Carson promised me in a few days I will be good as new," Teyla volunteered, watching Ronon leave his chair and return with popcorn and a second silver mug.

"It's good," he offered with a shrug as he passed it to her. "Would be better with a little kick to it."

Teyla raised an eyebrow and took a sip. "I'm sure someone here has something appropriate," she glanced around the crowd, looking for people she knew. "Did Major Lorne return with the **Daedalus**?"

"I think so," Rodney added as he stood up to search.

"Down in front, Rodney!" Someone called from the back, tossing a few pieces of popcorn towards McKay.

"He's back there," Rodney said, pointing over his shoulder as he sat back down.

"Think he has something?" Ronon wondered as he tossed a look backwards.

"He's always the prepared type," Carson joked as he turned around to wave.

Ronon left his seat, moving easily through the crowd until he reached the major.

Elizabeth snuggled against John's shoulder, keeping her arm around him and sighing contently as she listened to the crowd. "It feels like home again, doesn't it?" she asked John as his fingers closed around her hand on his shoulder.

"Bickering... Major Lorne providing dangerous aliens with rum in their hot cocoa..." John ticked off some of things he saw, catching a nod from Colonel Carter as she hurried through the door and immediately began to apologize to General O'Neill. "Seems about right."

Zelenka popped into their row, waving for Beckett to hand across a cup of cocoa to Rodney. "I had time to bring some of the finest back with me," he explained as Rodney took a sniff.

Rodney waved his thanks, taking a tiny sip and wheezing in surprise. "Russian vodka," he explained to Carson and Laura's odd looks.

"I'm starting the damn movie whether you people shut up or not!" General O'Neill yelled from the front of the room as the lights abruptly went off. As the excited talking died away to muffled whispers the opening credits began on the huge projection screen on the wall.

"Where did you find a screen big enough?" Elizabeth asked John in a whisper as she tried to think of the places that had large projection screens.

"Found it in one of the little used parts of the city...some kind of conference room or something," John said before he blew across the top of the hot chocolate before offering it to her. "I think it's much better used here."

The MGM lion roared across the screen; signaling the start of the film.

"If you people keep talking, I'll start using my stunner," General O'Neill yelled back over his shoulder. The crowd tittered into silence.

Elizabeth turned to John with a finger over her lips. "Shhh..." she whispered playfully. "I haven't seen this."

"Who's fault is that?" John muttered as he put his head on her shoulder. Since her arm was still around him, he snuggled into her like a little boy, making her smile as the movie began.

It reoccurred to him that she really hadn't seen it when Wesley's death made her sniff and rub her eyes. "You are a hopeless romantic, aren't you?"

Elizabeth nodded shyly, kissing his hair as she kept her eyes on the screen. John looked at her and turned back to film, he followed it for a few minutes, but he knew it so well he didn't even have to watch. So he turned, leaning into her lap. Dropping his head to her legs, he pulled his feet up on his chair and balanced his legs against McKay. Rodney gave him a glare, but shut up once he passed over the rest of Elizabeth's popcorn.

For the rest of the movie he watched her, taking in the way she smiled whenever Wesley did something heroic. She cheered along with the rest of the audience when the evil Count Rugen finally met defeat. She hugged his head gleefully as Humperdink was revealed as a coward.

The crowd erupted as a living thing when Wesley and Buttercup met for the final kiss. Maybe it was stress, exhaustion, or the fact that it was the first moment off any of them had experienced for more then two weeks. The crowd started to break, Ronon following Teyla to join Major Lorne's group of revelers.

Caldwell had broken out his personal stash of liquor and much was being spent toasting the new ship and Carter's elevation to command.

John stayed in Elizabeth's lap as she watched the rest of the credits. Quietly turning down to him, she smiled softly. "You've said that to me?"

"My name is John Sheppard, you killed my father, prepare to die?" John teased, closing his eyes and pretending to fall asleep in her lap.

"You know what I mean," Elizabeth corrected, running her hand gently through his hair. "Did you mean it?"

"Is this a test?" John said; opening one eye and looking at her accusingly.

Bending down to capture his lips with hers, she stopped his speculation. Kissing him until the crowd around them started to notice, Elizabeth didn't break away when she had the chance. She hung onto his head and kept him in the kiss. Leaning over him a second longer than she needed to, Elizabeth ignored the cheering that was breaking out around them.

Leaning down over his ear, Elizabeth whispered something that took the wind out of his chest. "As you wish," she promised him with the full force of her heart.

* * *

When they finally made their excuses to leave the party and return to their quarters John flopped onto the bed. "You know, there were nice things about the city being deserted."

Standing in front of the mirror in their newly lit bathroom, Elizabeth murmured something he couldn't hear. John dragged himself from the softness of bed and stumbled into the bathroom after her. Hanging around the doorway until she noticed him in the mirror, John just watched contentedly.

Elizabeth had removed her blue jacket and stood in front of the mirror in only her clingy black undershirt. That too must have been borrowed from Carter, John thought. It was definitely Air Force issue and it looked funny on his civilian doctor.

She turned, looking at herself in profile in the mirror. Pulling her shirt as tight as possible over her stomach, she stared at herself. Her hands released the fabric and covered the flatness of her body. One of her eyebrows tightened, as if she was willing her body to make the passenger within more apparent. Her stomach remained as it was. No different than it had appeared weeks ago. Elizabeth cupped her breasts in her hands, studying the way they sat fuller on her chest and deciding they, at least, had changed.

"I could do that for you, if you want," John volunteered from the doorway.

The hint of a blush danced across her cheeks as she finally noticed his reflection smiling at her. "I should have asked," she teased back. "Do they look different?"

"I didn't look at your chest before..." John lied rather pathetically as he took a step towards her.

"You didn't?" Elizabeth prodded, raising one eyebrow and dropping her hands to her hips. "I think I'm almost offended."

"I have to say I didn't," John said defensively. "Can't just go admitting I though the days when you wore the V-neck were the best days to go to a meeting." His arms found their way tentatively around her waist. "I think I miss you in red."

"Well, Rodney always wore blue, and you seemed to like black..." Elizabeth trailed off into memories of the mass of meetings where she must have worn that shirt. "...just never had a reason to develop much of a wardrobe."

Shrugging as he held a little tighter, John nodded. "I just take what the Air Force gives me," he admitted easily. "It's not too bad though."

"I was just thinking I might want to request a different size when we order more uniforms," Elizabeth explained as she stared at herself in the mirror.

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" John wondered nervously. "I thought it took..."

"Well, I thought..." she started, staring down at his hands wound over her stomach. "...I guess I am getting ahead, I just feel so different."

"You didn't throw up today?" John pried protectively.

The stubble on his chin scratched her neck. Elizabeth shook her head and added her hands over his. "Nope," she promised. "There was this moment in my office, when they were welding or melting something in the control room..."

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. "I really am."

"Today was a good day," Elizabeth said as she patted his wrist. "Maybe tomorrow will be too."

"Maybe today was the average and yesterday was bad?" John hoped as he released her with a kiss on the neck. "I don't think you'll need a new uniform just yet. You can always take my pants." He headed back to the bed, sitting on the edge to pull off his boots.

"Really?" she asked with a tilt of her head. The mirror still hid what she was looking for, refusing to show the changes she felt in her body. "You'd give me your pants?"

"I'll need them back," John teased as he shoved his boots away towards the door. "Eventually. You can always just keep borrowing, move up to Rodney's after mine."

Giggling as she collapsed onto the bed next to him, Elizabeth jumped when he leaned down to her boots. Untying them for her, he jumped out of the way when she kicked at him playfully.

"I'll keep your idea in mind," she murmured, pulling her feet up on the bed. "I liked the movie."

"I thought you would," John caught her face, running his fingers down her cheek to her lips. One finger ran across them, surprising her with the leftover taste of popcorn on his skin. "It's a classic."

"Why haven't I heard of it?" Elizabeth wondered as his hand wandered down her shirt.

"Because you obviously didn't hang out with the right people in college," John explained lightly as his hand ran down to her stomach.

"I didn't do much of anything in college," Elizabeth told him sheepishly. "I studied a lot and 'hung out' very little. I barely even went on a date for most of graduate school."

"You're a workaholic," John said as he opened his fingers to hold her stomach. "Were back then too, I'll bet."

"I..." she shut her mouth. "I am."

"Did I tell you where you fell asleep yesterday?" John offered as he pulled her back to the bed. He curled around her, lying over her side.

Elizabeth nodded silently, squeezing her fingers into his hair.

"Promise me you'll be careful?" John begged; taking her hand and playing with her fingers. "No more days without sleep stunts?"

"I can't," Elizabeth said as she rolled onto her side away from him. "Not completely, I am the leader of this city, John." She sighed as she felt him sit up behind her. "I will try."

"That's what I want," John said. Lying back down next to her he put his hands up underneath his head. "We both have to make different choices now."

"Is that why you gave up the **Artemis**?" Elizabeth asked him without turning back. "I heard you refused to even let General O'Neill give it to you."

"I can't go flying around on a battleship," John replied as if it was the craziest idea he'd ever heard. "I'm your military commander, not your Captain Kirk."

Elizabeth rolled back, hugging him quickly with one arm thrown over his chest. "I know you must have wanted it," she apologized softly.

"Nahhh," he said, shaking his head at the ceiling. "If you think about it Atlantis is a much bigger battleship. The **Artemis** is exciting, but Atlantis is where the good toys are."

"I think I get it now," Elizabeth agreed as she sat up enough to kiss him. "Thank you, for being so committed to staying on Atlantis."

"All the good things are here," John repeated firmly enough to convince her. Her eyes went wet as he stared up at her. Moisture sparkled on his lashes, and was left behind on his face as she leaned down to kiss him.

He explored her mouth, sighing into her lips when she let him keep kissing her. His hand slid beneath her shirt, teasing it up her back. He was searching for the clasp of her bra when the radio flared to life and ruined what promised to be a very pleasant evening.

Elizabeth groaned as she broke away from kissing his neck.

John sat up and started thinking about football, hockey, Wraith, and anything, but the way her breasts swelled promisingly beneath the clingy black fabric that covered them.

She fished her radio off the crate they'd stolen as an impromptu piece of furniture and tucked it into her ear. "This is Doctor Weir," she said as she mouthed her apologies to John. "We'll be right there."

Elizabeth bent over, reaching for her boots from their place against the red-gray wall. "Zelenka got the sensors back online this afternoon. The night watch just discovered a large mass entering our solar system."

"Large like **Daedalus** large? Or Death Star large?" John demanded as his fingers flew through the motions of tying his shoes.

Elizabeth grabbed her blue jacket from the bathroom and tossed it on. "It's the same size as Atlantis," she uttered darkly as she led him out of their quarters. "I think they came to finish us off."

"Let's get them first," John suggested as his face turned to stone. "I'm getting really sick of these guys."

"You too?" Elizabeth asked rhetorically as she hit the control room on the transporter. In the last moment before the door opened into the control room, she kissed him, drawing strength from the way he responded. When the doors finally opened, she was ready.


	13. flight

John and Elizabeth weren't the only ones pulled out of bed. Jack's hair was a mess as he staggered out of the transporter a moment behind them. Carter and McKay were arguing passionately about something technical as they chased each other up the stairs. Caldwell and Teyla seemed to be the only ones put together. Ronon grinned somewhat tipsily as he followed Teyla up into the briefing room.

With her senior staff assembled, Elizabeth turned to McKay and Zelenka. "Report," she requested as she folded her arms over her chest.

"The sensors registered a large mass moving towards us," Zelenka started, turning around to call up the sensor data. "As soon as it got close enough I compared it to the specifications from Atlantis, and it's the same mass and size..."

"...and from that we were able to discern that the Replicators must have rebuilt their city ship to come after us," McKay finished anxiously. "Last time I came up with a brilliant plan that destroyed the ship from within..."

Zelenka and Carter shared an eye-rolling glance.

"...but this time we don't have that luxury, so I'm open to suggestions," Elizabeth finished for him as she looked at the exhausted faces around her.

"At least we got to watch the movie," Jack muttered across to John, who agreed as he fidgeted with one of the pockets on his jacket.

"The **Artemis** and the **Daedalus** don't have enough combined fire-power to get through a shield of that magnitude," Carter pointed out grimly. "Even with a ZPM on both ships, we'd never get through their shield without being destroyed."

"Okay then, that's not an option," Elizabeth said, looking from Carter to McKay and Zelenka. "I'm told that you three are the most brilliant people in two galaxies. How long do we have?"

"Four, maybe three hours," Zelenka promised. "It takes a long time to decelerate that kind of mass from hyper-space."

"There are systems coming on all over the city we can't access," Rodney complained grumpily. "Some of them appear to be weapon systems, but again, we can't access them."

"There's some kind of fire-wall," Zelenka explained. "We can't get into the control subroutines..."

"...we know they're there, we just can't get in," Rodney finished impatiently. "We just need some time, I, we'll get it."

"Okay, you three come up with something and present it in an hour," Elizabeth ordered, slightly relieved neither Caldwell or Jack had questioned her authority. "Teyla, I want you to ask any of your people with technical skill if they'd be willing to help us fly our new ship."

Nodding as she tugged on Ronon's arm, Teyla dragged him down the steps towards the gate. "We will also find some strong tea," she directed him.

The gate began to dial and Ronon just shrugged. "I can kill Replicators drunk or sober," he explained simply. "Either way they end up dead."

Elizabeth leaned over to John, who had been stuck to her side the enter, brief meeting. "I want you in the chair, Ancient technology has a huge mental component and if somehow you have to break the code that way..."

"...I'll find it," John said, nodding and squeezing her arm. "Back in an hour."

Jack lifted his arms from the console he was leaning on and hurried to follow him. "Mind if I?"

"No, go ahead, Sir," John offered quickly. "You've probably been in the damn thing as often as I have."

"Son," Jack began with his best patronizing look. "I discovered the chair."

"Steven-" Elizabeth pulled him away from the still not functioning communications console. "Feel free to say no if you think this is a bad idea..."

He smiled softly. "How much am I going to hate it?" he teased with a dead-pan expression.

"I don't know," Elizabeth returned dryly. "I haven't told you yet."

"I'm listening."

"I want you to take a ZPM and a skeleton crew and head for Earth," she revealed, feeling the headache start behind her eyes. "Neither ship is a match for that vessel out there, and I know Hermiod can get the most out of your engines."

"Sure you just don't want to throw a message through the gate tied to a rock?" Caldwell joked, trying to lighten her mood.

Elizabeth rubbed her temples, walking to the balcony and leaning on the railing. When Caldwell came up behind her, she sighed. "Earth isn't answering. We've tried to dial them five times once communications came back on, each time we enter our IDCs but none of them seem to be functioning. I don't know if they were all deactivated, but even General O'Neill's code doesn't seem to work."

"Landry might think you've been compromised," Caldwell suggested as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "I'm afraid I don't have one to try."

"Colonel Carter's failed when we tried it after dinner," Elizabeth explained darkly. "Something's going on there, and..."

"...and you'd like me to take my ship and figure it out," Caldwell nodded quickly. He looked across the scattered people moving through the gate room. "I'll go through my crew and leave you as many as I can."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said warmly, relieved that one more problem had been solved for the moment.

"Mind if I ask a personal question?" Caldwell said as he watched Teyla and Ronon disappear into the rippling water of the gate.

"You and everyone else," Elizabeth murmured softly. Turning around to look over at poor Carter stuck between Zelenka and McKay, she started to smile. "Go ahead."

"You feeling all right?" Caldwell asked gently, shuffling his feet as he turned to look at her. "You're a little pale."

"I'm fine," she replied immediately, relieved John wasn't here to see her. "Just haven't been outside in two weeks."

"I suppose that would do it," Caldwell agreed as his hands emerged from his pockets. "I'll radio when the **Daedalus** is ready to take off."

"Take care," she tilted her head towards him. "Be safe."

"Just a little Sunday drive between galaxies," Caldwell called back. He waved a hand back over his shoulder. "Keep the city in one piece until I get back."

Elizabeth went to the three geniuses next, drawing Carter out of the argument. "I want you on your ship, Colonel," she requested gently. "We might not get the chance to send you before that Replicator ship arrives and I'm going to need your expertise to get your crew ready. Radio Caldwell and have him start beaming up the people that you need."

Carter cast one look back at Rodney and Zelenka before nodding her acknowledgment. "I'll see you when it's over," she stated simply, making it clear it wasn't a question.

"Of course," Elizabeth promised hopefully. "Jack was already telling me about his plan for movie night next week."

* * *

"Just close your eyes and think about opening doors," Jack instructed as he watched the chair glow blue beneath John's head. 

John smirked as his eyes moved beneath his eyelids. "That easy huh?" he asked, twitching his feet out of frustration. "It couldn't just be a set of numbers? I usually like puzzles, big fan of Sudoku."

"Always been more into Tetris myself," Jack said as he circled the chair. "Carter's always trying me to get me to learn crossword puzzles. Any luck?"

"I think I'm giving myself a headache," John answered with a sigh, sitting up he moved his feet.

Jack stood up, lowering an arm to drag John out of the chair. "I wanna try for awhile," he explained, helping the younger man down to the floor.

"Maybe you can figure it out," John hoped, kicking the side of the platform and trying not to think about the Replicator city bearing down on them.

"You could try to send her away..." Jack began slowly, knowing as well as John did she'd never agree. "Talk her into staying with the Athosians, they're good people, good food."

"She'll never," John confirmed quickly, walking past the display as Jack leaned back. The chair activated, sending blue light through metal. "No matter what happens, she'll never leave the city."

"There's something deeply attractive about stubborn women, isn't there?" Jack asked rhetorically. He relaxed into the chair, shutting his eyes as he ran through the systems with his mind. The star map erupted over his head, filling the ceiling with a thousand points of light. The power display on the wall climbed to just over a third and hung there.

"Do you think it's something beyond us? " John asked to the wall as he drummed his fingers impatiently on it. "When the Ancients from the Tria first showed up and tried to get us to leave; Helia did something, pulled some kind of pillar out of the floor."

"And you think we can't get in because we're not Ancients?" Jack wondered grumpily, opening his eyes to look up at the star map spinning lazily around his head. "Well that would be annoying."

"I want to be wrong" John answered with a shrug. He leaned against the wall, digging his feet into the floor in frustration. "If we even get going, how fast is an intergalactic hyper-drive engine like this one?"

"Don't tell the little gray guys," Jack advised with a shake of his head. "But, Carter says it's better than the Asgard."

"Shouldn't argue with Carter," John agreed as he stared blankly up at the star map. "If she's anything like McKay."

"She's way more attractive than McKay..." Jack corrected immediately, temporarily losing focus on the star map.

"If you like blondes," John teased back, abruptly realizing that he might have gone too far. He put his hands behind his back, locking his fingers together. "Sir."

Jack just chuckled dryly in the chair. "Maybe I had a little too much fun with that Czech guy and his vodka...why don't you try again, Colonel?"

"Yes, Sir," John said, switching places with the general and calling back up the map. "Do you think we could really take them? If we got the city flying?"

"They're just Replicators..." Jack sighed and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. "They're cold, unfeeling machines. We have ingenuity."

"Ingenuity doesn't seem to be getting us through this damn firewall," John complained. Above his head, the Pegasus galaxy swirled lazily, as if it was waiting for him to act. He wondered what Elizabeth was doing in command. If the geek trinity of Carter, Zelenka and McKay had come up with something, they would have radioed. He drifted with the stars for a moment, his tired mind wandering through the planets he thought they'd been too.

Finally, focusing on a tiny point of light on the very edge of the galaxy John put the full force of his mind into the single thought that he wanted to be there.

Jack saw the chair erupt with a blue-white light so bright it encompassed all of John's body. On the wall the display panel shot past halfway, flying all the way to ninety percent of capacity. He desperately tapped his radio. "I think we did it," Jack yelled over the deep rumble that filled the entire room.

"General?" Rodney's voice came back comfortingly. "Whatever you did is driving the computer crazy, I can't even get in right now. I can tell you the inertial dampeners just came on, along with some kind of force-field."

"The water-filled parts of the city are emptying," Zelenka added with astonishment.

"You did it John," Elizabeth gushed excitedly.

"I don't think he can hear you," Jack had to explain. "There's something here, with light, I don't know how to describe it. Maybe you should send someone..."

* * *

John only saw light. He was standing, somehow, in an empty, wall-less room that went on in all directions. His feet hung in the air without gravity. His hands floated by his sides and he didn't seem to be breathing. 

"You are seeking..." A disembodied voice drifted around him in the light. "Why should you be allowed control of Atlantis?"

"I need to defend my people," John conceded. He wondered how he could speak without breathing. "The Replicators are coming."

"I do not know the Replicators," The voice came from behind him.

He tried to turn around, but his body spun without his control. She hung in the air, clad only in a see-through white dress that seemed to be part of the light around them. She looked like Elizabeth, but an Elizabeth with pure white eyes.

"You are not Alterran," Not-Elizabeth accused him.

"I'm human," John explained pathetically, wishing she had chosen to look like someone else. "And you're not Elizabeth."

"She was in your mind," Not-Elizabeth said without emotion. "Form was required. Human is acceptable, you carry the key."

"The gene?" John wondered aloud, watching as Not-Elizabeth nodded once.

"The key to Atlantis," Not-Elizabeth added without bothering to clarify. "You must be worthy of what you seek."

"What do I seek?" John demanded forlornly. "I didn't mean to seek anything."

"You wish to control Atlantis," Not-Elizabeth said dully. "Atlantis is power. Why should this be allowed?"

"Because we need to get the hell away from the Replicators before they kill us," John spat out angrily. His rage tinged the light around him, darkening the blue to a reddish hue. "I don't think you want them controlling Atlantis, because, trust me, they're way worse than anything I'd ever do."

Not-Elizabeth shrank back. "You are angry," she noticed quietly.

"Of course I'm angry," John tore his hand from the force that held it and shook it at her. "While I'm here my people are suffering. My people will die if you don't let me go."

"No time has passed," Not-Elizabeth promised softly, revealing her sorrow. "Show me your heart," she commanded finally.

John fell to the floor, suddenly released from the force. "Why?" he wondered as he picked himself up.

"Truth is in the heart," Not-Elizabeth justified. She moved towards him, he couldn't say she walked because he couldn't see her feet beneath the dress. "You are John Sheppard. You are human, you call yourself Colonel."

"Lieutenant Colonel, United States Air Force," John volunteered.

Not-Elizabeth nodded as she took it in. "She is in your mind," she said.

John sighed, wondering if he should bother hiding anything. "I love her," he said without hesitation.

"Love is precious," Not-Elizabeth replied with the first emotion he'd heard from her.

"So is Elizabeth," John grabbed her shoulders, trying not to think about the fact that he was arguing with someone who looked like just like her about Elizabeth. "If you don't let me turn on the engines, and the weapons, she- Elizabeth, you- whoever you are, are all going to die."

"Death is only the beginning," Not-Elizabeth said cryptically, remaining limp in his grasp.

"I'm not ready to begin yet," John begged, drawing closer to her, looking through the white space where Elizabeth's eyes should have been. "I still have things to do. If you know what I'm thinking, which you claim to, you know Elizabeth is pregnant." He leaned closer, nearly touching her translucent lips. "Do you know what that means? It means out of all the things I have left to do, I have to be a dad."

"Life is dynamic," she said, tilting her head as she studied him. "Life continues."

"Yes, yes it will, if you let me turn on the star drive," John slid his hand up to her chin marveling at the way touching her tingled his skin.

"Show me your heart," Not-Elizabeth commanded again.

"You're a hopeless romantic, you know that?" John teased her nervously, knowing she'd never understand. "She is my heart..." Her nose touched his cheek as he leaned closer still; when he kissed her, she finally understood.

Not-Elizabeth dissolved into a thousand points of light, becoming the star map over his head.

"You are worthy, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard," Not-Elizabeth's voice ran through his head and in an instant, he understood.

* * *

Twisting his hand in the soft controls in the arm of the chair, John coaxed the inertial dampeners to life, and then he started to power the star drive. Feeling the energy build within the city, he opened his eyes. "Tell everyone to hold on," he yelled to whoever was there to hear him. 

He heard voices yelling over radios over the rumble of the engines. The star map faded, turning black before becoming a massive heads-up-display. Atlantis groaned sleepily, spewing the last of the water from the passages they hadn't even discovered yet. Deep in the bowels of the city, everything woke.

Way up in the command center, Elizabeth ran to the edge of the balcony and watched the water boil beneath them. The city jolted once, sending a mass of spray in all directions. She clung to the railing, keeping her feet as the city leapt into the sky. Once they'd left the ocean, the inertial dampeners helped them feel like they weren't moving at all.

"Jack, can you hear me?" Elizabeth demanded from the radio in her ear. "We've taken off, we're leaving the water."

Jack was laughing, giddy with excitement when he replied. "You've got to see this, Elizabeth. I really can't explain it."

So she went, hurrying through the halls of her city, stopping in front of each window as clouds flew past the stained glass. It was like being in a plane during lift-off, except that she felt nothing; no acceleration, no lowering pressure, nothing she usually associated with flying. Atlantis just rose into the heavens as if it was flying on thought alone

Rodney met her at the base of the tower. "There are systems coming on that we've never even seen before," he blurted out, completely astonished. "Power levels are higher than we thought the city could go, even with three ZPMs. When John dismantled the firewall he unlocked parts of the computer we didn't even know existed."

"Anything we can use?" Elizabeth asked pragmatically. New systems were undoubtedly exciting, but they needed a plan. They needed weapons that could defeat the Replicators.

"Zelenka's found energy weapons ," Rodney revealed as they entered the chair room together. "He said they weren't there, and then, suddenly they were. The firewall's completely gone."

"John did that?" Elizabeth mused with a tiny smile of pride.

"He did," Jack said, pointing up and drawing their attention to the ceiling.

A ceiling that appeared to have vanished entirely. Had she not just been in the control tower, Elizabeth never would have believed that the starscape above them was a projection. Beneath it was John in the chair, his face quiet with concentration. The atmosphere of the planet that had so long been their home dissipated around them as Atlantis returned to the stars.

Elizabeth walked over to the platform, taking a step and touching the back of his hand. John opened his eyes, directing a smile up at her. "I passed the test," he announced proudly.

"There was a test?" Elizabeth posed, confused by his calm.

"Something in the city," he said as his eyes closed again. "We hadn't been deep enough before."

Elizabeth returned to the main floor, looking from Jack to Rodney in surprise. "Is that possible?"

Rodney shrugged, trying to make sense of it in his head. "Anything's possible when we know so little about Ancient technology," he admitted. "It seems probable that they might have left something in the computer to prevent just anyone from getting full access, and consider how much they depend on a mental component to run things..."

"John turned the key the right way in his head?" Jack translated, reaching over to pat John's shoulder proudly. "Good work, son."

The planet fell away to the left, a swirling blue ball smattered with white. On their left the Artemis was a tiny silver creature, like a bird seen from a plane. Jack waved slightly, mouthing hello to Carter when he thought no one was watching.

"So we have energy weapons?" Elizabeth asked, trying to keep herself caught up.

"Oh do we have energy weapons," Rodney held up his computer, grinning like he'd been giving the secrets of the universe. "We have twelve long-range cannons, like the one on that satellite. We also have two high powered ones that are either long-range, or just really powerful up close." He scrolled through his computer, staring through it.

"Oh my God," Rodney exclaimed suddenly. "Energy weapons, how could I..." he trailed off as he nearly ran towards the door. "I have an idea; just keep us flying until I figure it out."

John rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, willing the ship into a death-dance with the other city. Elizabeth returned to his side, craning her neck to watch the stars spin around them. "It's beautiful," she said to no one in particular.

Jack nodded behind her, startling her with a hand on her shoulder. "The universe might be cruel, heartless and down-right mean sometimes," he started philosophically, "But, it is lovely at the same time."

"John, are you okay?" Elizabeth wondered, peering down at him.

"I don't think I can tell you how cool this is," John said with complete awe. "I used to think a puddle jumper was as good as it got, but this...it's like being able to actually fly through space. I can feel the gravity of the planet, smell the space dust." He tore his eyes from the display long enough to wink at her. "This is why I became a pilot."

"He's gone..." Jack mocked with as serious of an expression as he could muster. "You'll never get him back."

Elizabeth touched his hair, reminding him that he had the best reasons to come back. "I'm going back to command," she told Jack because she knew he was listening. "I'll try to get Rodney to explain his idea to us mere mortals."

"Oh good luck with that," Jack wished her sardonically. "I've been trying to learn to speak Carter for ten years."

* * *

Two hours later, Elizabeth finally succeeded. 

"We can use the original plan!" Rodney began, his hands shaking as he pointed to the diagram in the conference room. "The city has energy weapons, which is great, but the really interesting part involves the shield. If I tie together the emitters from the weapons systems and shield's ability to create an energy field I should be able to use our shields and weapons in concert..."

"Creating an energy wave that'll knock out the Replicators on the other ship," Carter finished for him from the communications station on the table. "Nicely done, McKay."

Pouting slightly that she'd stolen the end of his idea, Rodney sank back into his chair. "Of course, the downside is even if it works we might have to go through resetting the weapons and shields again."

"What are the chances of it not working?" Elizabeth demanded firmly, praying he'd have good news for her.

"Only ten...twenty percent," Rodney started to defend himself. "And even if the ARG part of it fails we're still hitting them with a massive pulse of energy. Assuming their systems are anything like ours..."

"...which they definitely seem to be," John finished for him, tapping his hand nervously on the table. Elizabeth stopped him by covering his hand. She had promised she'd send him back to the chair as soon as the meeting was done. Until then poor Carson was stuck with keeping Atlantis level in space.

"The city has stopped approaching us," Zelenka reported from his place at one of the corners of the huge table. "They might be waiting for something, setting a trap, who knows with Replicators."

"I'm afraid this time it's going to be our trap," Elizabeth decided. "Rodney, Zelenka, I want you two to figure it out. Do what you do best and reconnect everything you need to. Colonel Carter, I'd like you to keep an eye on them for us, stay as close as you can while maintaining a safe distance."

"Yes, Ma'am," Carter agreed from the radio. "I'll try to get my crew up to speed."

"How are Teyla and Ronon holding up?" John asked the radio. "Are they having fun?"

"Teyla's people are quick learners, I could use some Air Force Cadets that were this bright," Carter joked lightly. "Artemis out."

Jack stared at the radio a second longer than everyone else.

John left the table, ready to head back down to the chair room. Catching his shoulder by the door, Jack shook his head. "Let me relieve Beckett for awhile, I haven't got to try it yet."

"Yes, Sir," John agreed quietly, disappointment dancing across his face before he smiled. "Have fun Sir."

"Oh thank you," Jack returned cheerfully as he rubbed his hands together. "I intend to."

"No joyrides!" Elizabeth called after him, using the table to help pull herself to her feet. Her watch read just past oh-three-hundred hours. She'd intended to go to bed hours ago. The coffee from the mess hall sat neatly in the corner of the conference room. She knew she shouldn't, but exhaustion weighed on her mind. All the people who had filed out of the room before her were counting on her. John drove the city, Rodney solved the unsolvable problems, and she held it together.

She was alone. No one saw her fill the cup with black coffee and gulp it down. Silently apologizing to her unborn baby, Elizabeth wondered if her child would understand someday. Would her child have to make these decisions? Or by some grace unknown to her would her child have a chance to grow up in a peaceful galaxy? It seemed unlikely, considering that every galaxy they encountered seemed to be filled with another all powerful enemy.

Elizabeth filled her glass with water and drank it quickly. She was just in time when John poked his head around the door. "You coming back up to control?"

"Yeah, just needed a drink," she lied pathetically, feeling guilt knot her stomach.

John kissed her forehead, smiling at her hopefully. "You wanted a plan, and you got one," he said. His hands wrapped around her back, surprising her slightly.

"I did, didn't I?" Elizabeth returned his smile, hoping he didn't see the guilt in her eyes. "Should use the Replicators as a threat more often, seems easier to get things done that way."

"Not too often," John pleaded as he dug his fingers into the tight muscles of her lower back. "It'll just get old after awhile."

Elizabeth clung to him as the kneading of his fingers sent tension screaming out of her back. "God, who told you to do that?" she demanded breathlessly.

"Carson mentioned it might be killing you," John admitted with a proud smirk. "He's a smart guy." She moaned and leaned into his touch, reminding him what they'd been pulled away from when the **Daedalus** arrived. He let Elizabeth lean on his chest, enjoying the clean smell of her hair.

"Remind me to put you in for another promotion," Elizabeth teased gratefully, standing on her toes to kiss him. "Back to work?"

"I suppose we have to, don't we?" John said, catching her chin with strong fingers. "You okay?"

Elizabeth nodded her way out of his grasp. "Yeah," she promised. "It's just getting to be a long day."

"Sorry about that," he said, leading the way to back out into control. "I tried to talk them into attacking later in the day, it just didn't work out."

"Well, you did try..." Elizabeth replied, locking her fingers with his.

"They must have seen us through the magnetic field of the planet," Carter yelled over the explosions in the background of the radio signal. "We tried to run, but they took out our engines with the first shot."

"We'll be right there, Carter," Jack promised as he leaned over the communications console. "You just keep it in one piece until then."

Behind him Elizabeth whirled on Rodney. "Are we ready?" she urged, watching his hands fly over the console.

"I guess?" he said, fingers flying as he spoke. "Yes, yes I think so."

"If it doesn't work, can we go to hyperspace?" Elizabeth asked quietly, almost hoping he'd say no.

"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem," Rodney assured her, not realizing completely what that meant. "The system's entirely separate from the ones we jury-rigged together."

Jack met her eyes, destroying her confidence with a glance. Elizabeth stared back as long as she could before shutting her eyes, knowing how she'd feel if the colonel in danger was John. "All right, John, Rodney," she paused, swaying slightly on her feet as her stomach lurched desperately. "Let's do it."

John took the ship briefly into hyperspace, sending a wave of distortion through everyone's vision. Elizabeth's exhausted eyes only added to her nausea. Praying she could hold it together until the battle was done; she tasted the metallic adrenaline in her throat.

Down in the control chair, John felt the displacement of hyperspace surge through his body before he let go. Dropping the city in impossibly close to the Replicator city, he put Atlantis between the enemy and the damaged **Artemis**. The blasts of the other ship's weapons slammed into the shield so hard his teeth rattled. He could feel the energy as if the city were part of his body; or rather he was part of it.

He felt Rodney's corrections; the differences in the city Rodney had left. it was kind of like trying to hit someone with both hands tied together in front of him. John left the shield up for one more volley. As the phantom pain rolled through his body he struck back, pouring all the energy he could summon into one massive wave of energy. It ripped through him, carrying his soul with it, as all that was him melted with all that was the city.

In space, Atlantis exploded with a wave of energy that raced out like an amoebic arm, encompassing and engulfing the other ship. The last shots of the Replicator vessel cut into three of the towers, spewing air and wreckage into space. As Atlantis vomited wreckage, the other city seized, like her heart had been torn from her chest.

He brought the shield back, forcing the circuits to handle the energy. The sensor started to report, itching at his mind. Without hearing Rodney's voice scream that ZPMs were about to overload, or looking at any of the data in front of him, John felt the death throes of the other city. Reaching out with the shields he cupped the **Artemis**, holding it safely beneath Atlantis as if he was holding a flower out of the rain.

The explosion ripped through space, sending heat, light, and raw energy pounding through his body. It ran over and through him, cracking across the shields he held forcibly in place. Elizabeth was beneath those shields and he'd die before anything happened to her. The city shared his wish, obediently sacrificing some of the other towers to keep the shields around her heart and the tiny form of the **Artemis**.

When the explosion faded into the blackness of space, he felt the Artemis limp inside on thrusters and momentum alone. John moved the great city to assist the ship's landing on the south pier. He pulled the city into a slow orbit of the Lantian star, letting it sleep.

John came out of the chair, sitting up and blinking his eyes. His own body felt small, confining and restrictive. His feet swung over the edge of the chair and he rolled out of it.

Major Lorne was waiting for him as he swayed to his feet. "You got them, Sir," he congratulated respectfully. "Nicely done."

"Didn't mean to blow them up," John said, rolling his head across his neck. He felt disconnected, like his feet were a poor substitute for thrusters.

"I think they deserved it, Sir," Lorne suggested as he moved up to the chair.

"Keep it warm for me?" John teased, starting down towards the door.

"That's why I'm here," Lorne quipped dryly, "To keep the city from falling into any black holes while you get some rest."

"That's thoughtful of you," John called back as he heard the chair come on. He felt tiny as he walked through the city. Like he'd been shrunk to the size of one of his cells and had to walk through his own blood vessels. He passed more scientists in the hall with damage control kits and the air smelt of smoke and burnt metal. Dragging himself up the stairs to command, John looked immediately for Elizabeth.

Rodney was dealing with computer system, helping Zelenka deal with the myriad repair requests flooding in from the city. He looked up briefly and nodded. "Nice explosion," he congratulated.

"I do what I can," John forced his feet to keep walking through the room.

"Have you seen Elizabeth?"

"Ahh," Rodney chirped sympathetically. "Bathroom down the way."

"Too much shaking," Zelenka added just as gently, "Or was it the smoke?"

Rodney raised his eyebrows and put up a finger to make his point; "It was the smoke, I think," he agreed. "General O'Neill went with her."

John looked across both men and felt like he was a walking target and no one had told him. "Thanks," he shrugged tentatively. Down more stairs and he found his way to the bathroom.

There was no sign of the general as he peered in shyly. Elizabeth was hunched over the sink, spitting water as she rinsed her mouth. Looking up at his worried expression in the mirror, her face fell. "Oh, hi," she said.

"I guess I made the ride a little too bumpy," John quipped as he pulled himself up to sit on the counter next to the sink. Leaning back against the steel mirror on the wall, he watched as her hand trembling slightly on the faucet. "You okay?"

"Maybe?" Elizabeth ventured as she rinsed out her mouth a second time. "I really was doing all right, it's just five in the morning now, and I haven't slept. The stars went flying past the window...I never used to get motion-sickness."

"You can't keep doing this Elizabeth," John urged her with deep concern. "You haven't slept, I haven't seen you eat since the popcorn. You're so tired flying with inertial dampeners is making your queasy."

"It's probably just me, making me queasy," Elizabeth admitted as she rubbed the tension from her temples. "We lost five people when tower six was hit, John. Another four died and twenty-three more were injured on the Artemis. Carson has everyone with any medical training down in the infirmary to give him a hand."

He slipped from the counter and caught her, wrapping his arms tightly around her back instead of saying anything. Elizabeth stood there for a moment, too exhausted to move. When her hands went around her neck, John knew everything was going to be all right. "Teyla? Ronon?" he asked down toward her head.

"They're okay," Elizabeth lifted her head and stared at his chest darkly. "Carter took a blow to the abdomen; she's on Carson's surgical list."

"And the general's down with her?" John asked rhetorically as she nodded.

"Carson has to take the nastier cases first," Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "He's going to come through this the worst for wear I'm afraid. There's just so much death."

"Not all of its death," he reminded her as he kissed her forehead. "You're okay, I'm okay...selfishly, I have to admit I'm feeling pretty good."

Elizabeth choked, but successfully fought off her tears. "Come with me down there, to the infirmary? I should be there for Jack."

"Yeah, okay," John agreed, watching her fight with her emotional control. "You know, it's okay if you aren't always..."

"I know," Elizabeth said, biting her lip against her exhaustion. "I just, can't."

"Okay," John whispered as he settled for taking her hand. "Maybe cafeteria first? I know eating's the last thing on your mind..." he drifted off, pulling her to a stop before she left the bathroom. "...Carson said you could lose the baby if you're not careful. I know I can't get you to sleep, but I won't let you keep going without eating something."

"All right John," Elizabeth agreed softly, feeling guilt wash over her for the coffee she'd had earlier. "I'll eat."


	14. at the end

Jack had a section of the wall in the hallway to himself. Elizabeth almost went past him, but John recognized the graying hair and stopped them. Kneeling down in front of him, Elizabeth put her hand on his shoulder.

"How's she doing?" Elizabeth asked softly. John looked up and down the hallway, the more mobile injured were treating their fellow patients. The whole hallway reeked of blood and the disgusting odor of singed flesh.

"Got moved to the front of the line when she threw up blood," Jack reported monotonically. He fidgeted with a scrap of metal, turning it over and over in his hands.

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth apologized tentatively, taking a place on the wall next to him. "Carson's an excellent surgeon."

Jack shrugged, keeping his eyes on his piece of metal. "Suppose..." he trailed off, studying the edges of the fragment. "There's a point where you realize you've been sitting outside hospitals for the longest moments of your life, and it's really a waste." He stopped moving his hands and met Elizabeth's eyes with his own haunted ones. "I wonder why I can't remember fishing where the hours turned into weeks. Or why Charlie laughing isn't in the front of my brain.

"When I lie alone at night too long before sleeping I can hear the people that I've lost. Charlie, Kowalski, Janet...Daniel, then not Daniel, then Daniel again..." he let the words drop. "Do you know what they say?"

John thought he could guess. Colonel Sumner had haunted his dreams for more than a year. Elizabeth just waited, silently listening.

"They tell me life is short," Jack explained as he tossed the fragment into the wall across from him as hard as he could.

Elizabeth jumped, wincing as the shards fell softly to the floor. John reached for her knee, taking what he could of her to hold onto.

"And I don't listen," Jack admitted harshly, looking at his dirty hands and the blood drying on his uniform. "I move to Washington, I get promoted, I forget what's important." Slapping John's face suddenly startled the hell out of the younger man. "Don't do that," he ordered. "Don't be a bitter old man in an empty hallway."

John said nothing because nothing seemed to be right. He felt Elizabeth's little fingers slip inside of his and knew his hallway moments wouldn't be alone anymore. His chest tightened, threatening to keep him from breathing.

"And you," Jack pointed to Elizabeth, his hand shaking as he looked into her eyes. "You..."

She hugged him, cradling him as the world stopped within him. John sat back, watching as the man who stood up to so many monsters crumbled in the face of being alone.

* * *

Rodney had to send a lieutenant to fetch them. When Carson let the general into the infirmary, Elizabeth's watch had slipped past seven hundred. By the time someone came looking for the two of them it was nearly eight. John held her as she lay curled in his lap. Her eyes were open; her breath was slow and regular, but neither of them could sleep. Their quarters waited for them, but neither of them tried to stand up.

The poor lieutenant had stood over them for nearly a minute before John noticed. "We're receiving a signal from the **Daedalus**, Sir;" he began to report, "Colonel Caldwell says he'll only speak to Doctor Weir or General O'Neill."

"Thank you," Elizabeth murmured as she sat up. Getting to her feet and waiting for John, she tossed a glance back towards the infirmary. Carson still had hours of work ahead of him, and she knew he wouldn't rest until all his patients had his best efforts. "Do me a favor and make sure Carson and his staff all get something to eat?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the lieutenant said as he nodded quickly and headed for the cafeteria.

"So, control room?" Elizabeth ventured sleepily.

John nodded and started to walk; being with her gave him a reason to continue. He barely even felt his own exhaustion when he watched her smile bravely at the people they passed. The people of Atlantis had paid a bigger price than the city this time, and people took longer to repair. Silence was easier than speaking; he couldn't say how his heart would stop if he'd switched places with the general and Elizabeth lay in surgery.

"Eleven dead?" Elizabeth whispered to him when the doors of the transporter shut them away from the people under her command. "We've never buried so many."

"Carter will make it," John predicted as hopefully as he could. "She's got a lot to live for."

"God, I don't think..." Elizabeth left the end unsaid. "She'll make it," she agreed as she managed to smile at him.

John was trying to decide where she found the strength when he realized the transporter was about to open onto the control room. She was smiling for Rodney. So that when she stepped out of the doors, Elizabeth was as reassuring as she could be.

"Elizabeth, good, Caldwell refuses to tell me what's happened," Rodney said, glaring at Caldwell's image on the screen. "It was a bit of genius to bounce your signal off one of the Milky Way gates and then trigger my gate-dialing macro."

"You can thank Hermiod for that," Caldwell noted, glancing at McKay.

For his part Rodney shrugged; "I would have come up with that," he pointed out.

Elizabeth patted his shoulder, nodding at Caldwell's resolute expression. "I'm here Colonel, what happened out there?" she said, waiting with John at her side.

"We're currently on route to the Alpha site," Caldwell began as all the emotion drained from his face. John watched his eyes grow cold and wondered what was coming. Even Elizabeth was getting stiff. "We tried to raise Earth as soon as we came out of hyper-space, but we got no response. At my discretion we tried to get close enough for a fly-by..." he stopped, swallowing slowly and looking down before he could continue. "Earth is..."

He paused again, leaning forward in his chair and resting his hands on his thighs. "...I've never seen anything like it."

"What did you see, Steven?" Elizabeth coaxed, feeling her heart sink cold into her stomach.

"There's nothing left," he whispered dully, like his voice came from a tomb.

"Nothing?" Rodney repeated softly. He jumped from his chair, turning to the screen in desperation. "The SGC? Underground? There have to be some survivors...I mean...nothing, nothing?"

Elizabeth took a step forward, unable to feel her body. "Who?"

"Replicators," he stammered, trying to find the strength to keep speaking. "At least twenty, maybe thirty or more battleships. They must have been planning to take both city-ships when they defeated Atlantis."

"We have to take it back!" Rodney realized suddenly. He whirled on Elizabeth, grabbing her shoulder and shoving her a step backwards. "We have the shield-weapon, we took out their city, we can take out their ships..."

"We can't," John explained grimly as he pried Rodney's hand from her shoulder. "We can't take twenty of those ships, the shield's running on minimum power as it is right now."

"We have to!" Rodney screamed at him. "That's our home, our home planet, my parents...my sister..."

Elizabeth nodded to John, asking him to back off with her eyes. She put a quiet hand on Rodney's trembling shoulder. "We can't..." her own voice failed her for a moment, "...we can't help them."

"There's no one to help, Doctor," Caldwell finished as he dropped his head into his hands. "We circled the planet as long as Hermiod thought our shield would hold. We scanned, poured as much into the sensors as we could. Earth, is a wasteland. A lifeless ball of rock crawling with Replicator recovery teams." He looked up with disgust painted all over his face. "They're mining it for raw materials."

John shivered and felt like all the heat had left the room. His car, his crappy apartment in Antarctica, and everywhere he'd ever been was gone.

Elizabeth kept her eyes on the screen, as if nothing could pry her away. "The Alpha site? Surely some of them..."

"We contacted them as soon as we got clear," Caldwell forced himself to focus. "We're on our way as soon as we finish."

"I want you to loan them the ZPM," Elizabeth ordered stoically. John watched her sink deeper into her quietest strength. "Gate as many of the survivors here as you can, before the Replicators can find you. Then come home, Steven," she urged. "Come straight back, we'll need you."

"It doesn't even look like Earth from space," Caldwell's thoughts slipped unbidden from his lips. "I couldn't recognize anything. The oceans boiled in the onslaught and the whole planet's buried in a haze of dust."

"Where's the Odyssey?" Elizabeth pressed gently. "Do you think it was destroyed?"

"She made it to the Alpha site," Caldwell replied with some hope. "Colonel Emerson executed General Landry's standing order Omega before he left orbit."

"Do you know who was recovered?" Elizabeth asked softly, ignoring John and Rodney's confused looks.

"No," Caldwell confessed as he turned to consult with one of his crew. "We can't risk being detected. We expect to reach the Alpha site within the next two hours. We will contact you then." He paused, searching for the right thing to say. "I'm so sorry..."

"Keep everyone safe, don't let them think..." Elizabeth's voice cracked under the strain, but she pulled herself back together. "...don't let anyone give up. We're still alive. There's still hope."

Caldwell didn't say anything before he signed off. John had never seen him look so empty. Rodney deflated, sinking into his chair as if all the strength had been sucked out of him. "I was going to see Jeannie for Christmas; she made me promise to get it off and with the gate bridge..."

Elizabeth reached for his shoulder again, but he pulled away like she'd burned him.

"What's standing order Omega?" he demanded angrily. "Why have I never heard of it?"

"It's classified," Elizabeth sighed heavily, feeling her head start to fog with exhaustion. "John, could you please?" she pointed weakly at the water pitcher in the corner and he returned immediately with a glass. He hauled her back, forcing her into the chair next to Rodney. "General Landry, General O'Neill, Colonel Caldwell, Colonel Emerson, and I are the only ones who know. I don't even think the president knows."

Drinking her water too quickly only made her head less connected to her body. John steadied her hand, slowing her down. "Careful," he cautioned. "You're pushing too hard."

"I need to," Elizabeth argued weakly, but let him rest his hand on her shoulder. "I will tell you when Caldwell radios back. I don't want to hurt you, Rodney...please believe me that it's best that you don't know."

He shoved his chair aside, leaving her and John alone in the control room. Elizabeth started to stand, but John held her down. "Let him go," he suggested softly. "He just needs to be alone."

"I want to tell him," Elizabeth whispered to the water in her glass. "I just don't want him, or anyone to hurt more than need be."

"Or get their hopes up?" John offered, wondering if he'd guessed correctly. "You can tell me, I don't have anyone on the next of kin list."

"I just can't stop thinking about my mother," Elizabeth whispered, finally losing her control. "She was so concerned when my father died; she always thought if I lost her, I'd be alone."

"You're not alone," John promised quickly, sinking down to his knees in front of her. "You'll never be alone."

"I just keep thinking I was avoiding telling her," she said, sliding off her chair and joining him on the floor. "I mean, I wrote the message a thousand times for the next data burst home. I meant to tell her. I just switched it out at the last minute, told myself I should wait."

"It's okay," John said, reaching out to brush her hair back from her eyes.

"How can it be okay?" she asked, losing her control and dropping her head to his chest. "They got to Earth."

"They didn't get us," John offered back. "I know it's not that comforting, but we're alive and we can still make them sorry they ever went to the Milky Way."

"Do you think that's the answer?" Elizabeth lifted her head slowly. Her eyes were too tired to cry. "Revenge?"

"Sometimes," John admitted, retrieving her glass of water from the console where she'd left it. "Sometimes you just need to kill the bastards who flew across galaxies to destroy your planet. Sometimes they need to suffer."

"They're machines," Elizabeth reminded him as she forced herself to drink. "How will they suffer?"

"Maybe they won't suffer," he said, feeling his stomach knot into a cold mass. "Maybe they'll just turn off and we'll never have to deal with them again."

"Can you trust me?" she begged, taking his hands and uncurling the fists he'd balled them into. "We have to be better than them. If we kill them it has to be because they're a danger to everything living in this galaxy, not because we're on a sick quest for revenge." Elizabeth stared into his eyes, searching for understanding. "Please, John."

"You can say that?" he wondered in astonishment. "You can sit there, knowing they murdered your mother, Rodney's sister, Beckett's family, and all the people of Earth in cold blood, and then ask me not to avenge them?" He got to his feet, shaking his head in disgust. "Do you know what you're asking me to do?"

"Be the man I love," Elizabeth whispered as she stared up at him. Getting to her feet was significantly harder than she expected, and without his aid she really wouldn't have made it. "I need to make it this way. I will not lead what's left of humanity on an empty quest for revenge. We do not kill indiscriminately."

"This is not the time to be on the moral high ground!" his voice rose just enough to make her wince. "We've been wiped out and we didn't stand a chance."

"We will not kill out of anger," she said resolutely, keeping her voice purposely beneath his. "We will not hate. We will be better."

"We won't survive!" John hissed back. "Everyone else out there is going to kill us the moment our guard comes down. We have to be ready to do the same thing."

"Taking advantage of an opportunity doesn't mean you have to enjoy it," Elizabeth argued, clinging to the console let her keep her feet beneath her.

"And you won't?" he accused her, knowing she couldn't claim that the death of all the Replicators meant nothing to her.

"I'll be relieved when we're safe..." Elizabeth replied, bringing her hand unknowingly to her stomach. "I'll sleep again knowing every, last, one of those things is dust." She took a shaky step towards him. "I will not have this become a crusade. John..."

He started to back away from her touch, but she caught his hand.

"...we have to think beyond ourselves," Elizabeth challenged him, bringing his hand to rest on her stomach. "What do you want this baby to be born into? A hate-filled war against a brutally aggressive enemy? If that's what you want, maybe I should stop trying to take care of myself now..."

Both of his hands flew to catch her shoulders, digging into her skin so tightly they threatened to leave marks. "Don't," he whispered, feeling the anger lodge in his throat.

"I will fight the Replicators because they're a threat to innocent lives in both galaxies," Elizabeth swore without fear. "I will not slaughter them because they destroyed my people. I will not be that leader."

Somewhere inside his rage something cracked and he knew, instantly, that he'd follow her to the ends of the universe. Releasing her shoulders, he started to apologize.

Elizabeth stopped him, hanging on to his hands. "I'm not..." she faded, momentarily losing her footing. "...entirely sure I can stand on my own." Her confession cut through his anger.

"You need sleep," he proposed as concern melted the last of his fury. "I should..."

Elizabeth cut him off as she clung to his arms. "I promised Caldwell. Jack's down in the infirmary...I can't..."

"Will you eat?" John asked, changing tactics. "If I bring you something?"

She let him walk her over the little catwalk to her office. Her laptop computer sat forlornly on the lone chair, so John lowered her against the wall.

"I'll eat," she promised weakly. "Just hurry back." Wrapping her arms slowly around her knees Elizabeth prayed Rodney had the good sense not to speak to anyone. She would make the announcement that destroyed everyone's hopes after she'd heard back from the **Daedalus**. Landry's last order might give them some hope after all.

* * *

"Did anyone tell you why we seeded a second evolution of our form?" Mab began as she wandered lazily around the edge of the catwalk, sneaking towards Elizabeth's office.

"What are you doing here?" Elizabeth demanded as she tried to drag herself to her feet.

Mab moved faster than she could track, keeping her on the floor with a hand so warm it seemed to burn through her uniform. "Stay, you're not well." She waved her hand across Elizabeth's body, pulling something out of her and forming it out of fire in the air.

"I'm all..." Elizabeth stopped short. The nagging pinching in her stomach blossomed into a stinging pain.

Mab spun the fire in the air, letting it form into a tiny knot. It pulsed as it hung there, beating almost too quickly to see. "You're not being very careful," she chastised. "It's been a hard few days for this little one."

"Don't do this," Elizabeth pleaded, feeling her hands start to sweat.

"I promised not to take your child," Mab lowered herself to the floor next to Elizabeth, letting go of her regal disguise and appearing in a simple black dress. "I didn't promise to keep you from losing it. You really should be more careful."

"You sound like John," Elizabeth muttered, trying to understand what was happening. Surely someone would see the strange woman through the glass in her office.

Mab crossed her legs and set her hands neatly on them. "He's a wise man," she offered, closing her eyes lazily and letting the fire drift away. "He's very thoughtful, taking care of you the way he does."

The pain in Elizabeth's stomach faded with the smoke. Glaring at the other woman, she crossed her arms protectively over her stomach. "We're in love," she retaliated angrily.

"You'd be wise to keep him," Mab suggested grimly, keeping her eyes lazily closed. "You cannot bring it to birth alone."

"Why did your people seed the galaxies?" Elizabeth changed the subject, wishing she could do without cryptic messages about her child.

"We needed to understand," the queen's eyes opened, glowing orange in her head. "We only knew how we were, not how we had been. In order to reach the future, sometimes you must visit the past."

"To find ascension, you needed to watch yourselves," Elizabeth realized, letting go of the breath she'd been holding. None of the queen's dire musings seemed to have any bearing on a future with John in it. "So you seeded humanity."

"We were facing a terrible death," Mab's face flushed with fever suddenly, her hair hung over her eyes, wet with sweat. Her arm convulsed as she lifted it. "Plague ran rampant through our cities; ascension was the only way out. Out of desperation we gave birth to ourselves, tucking all that we had gained into the beginning of a new way."

As she shook stood a wreath of fire burned the plague from her body and returned her majestic purple velvets. "We were vain," she explained remorsefully. "We sought only to avoid the plague. We didn't realize that we were not the beings who created us. In birthing humanity we unwittingly brought the Wraith."

Elizabeth watched, horrified, as blood ran from the queen's hands, spoiling her dress as it began to pool on the floor.

"The Wraith were not meant to be," Mab explained sadly, watching the blood on her hands leave dark droplets on the metal floor. "We tried to stop them. I devoted my life to it, and all we wrought was another enemy."

The blood on the floor turned silver, rising up until Niam stood leering beside Mab.

"He was my favorite," she whispered sadly. "He was so gentle in the beginning. The only Asuran I knew where I had hope he'd ascend someday."

"He isn't now," Elizabeth corrected, remembering his hands around her neck as she finally dragged herself to her feet. She had to hang onto the wall to keep herself up, but she was standing.

"He's your plague," Mab sighed. "It was only after ascension that we learned our plague had been an accident in our creation. Just as the Wraith and the Replicators were mistakes of yours."

"The Replicators just destroyed my planet!" Elizabeth growled as she shoved herself off the wall. "They murdered six billion people."

"The plague nearly wiped us out," Mab replied sympathetically. "Death must come before the rebirth. I'm sure you've felt it. The over-crowding of the galaxy, the terrors stalking you around every corner. The first evolution fell to a plague of the blood; the second will fall to a plague of metal. The universe must be as it was."

Elizabeth caught her hand, feeling the blood come off on her own fingers. "A third evolution?"

Mab smiled, leaving a bloody trail on Elizabeth's face as she caressed it. She cringed in response, feeling the fluid stick to her cheek.

"John's here now," Mab whispered, leaving Elizabeth's question to hang unanswered. "He wants you to wake up."

* * *

Elizabeth woke with a start, John's hands were on both of her shoulders and her uniform was soaked with sweat.

"Hey..." his relief lit his eyes when hers opened. "You okay?"

Elizabeth tried to sit up. She must have fallen asleep; seen Mab in a dream . She hoped it hadn't been a hallucination, John and Carson would never forgive her if she was that worn down. "Bad dreams," she explained non-committaly, hoping he'd just leave it at that.

"Brought you something," John teased as his eyes lit up, hoping his excitement would shine through her exhaustion. "Made it myself."

"By grabbing it out of the case of rations?" Elizabeth sighed, wiping sweat from her hair.

"Actually, it was some assembly required," John admitted, handing over a sandwich wrapped in a brown paper towel.

As she opened it, Elizabeth couldn't help smiling when she smelled what it was. "Peanut butter?" she asked.

"And re-hydrated banana," John said, nodding proudly. "Use to eat them down in Antarctica, helped keep me warm."

"And I need to stay warm?" she wondered as she took a bite tentatively. "I haven't had peanut butter..."

"...comfort food," John interrupted, setting a water bottle down by her leg. "And juice."

"I think you're skipping ahead a little bit in parenting," Elizabeth mused as she forced herself to eat her sandwich. She could barely taste it, except for the sensation of swallowing she was entirely disconnected from her body. "I'm pregnant, not a five-year-old."

"I bet you were a cute five-year-old," John said, tilting his head and studying her as if he could rewind time with just his eyes. "Curly hair, dimples..."

Shaking her head slowly, Elizabeth pried the water bottle open and gulped some of it down. As the sweat from her nightmares dried, she shivered.

Tired as he was, John took a moment to notice. Yanking his jacket free from his shoulders, he tucked it around hers. "When this is over, we're going to bed, locking the door, and throwing the radios out onto the balcony where we can't hear them," John promised. Clasping his hands lazily, he waited for her to finish chewing. "What's standing order Omega?"

Elizabeth sighed heavily, taking a moment before she spoke. "It's something General Landry borrowed from an ancient Persian tradition," she set the last of her sandwich down and fidgeted with the paper towel nervously. "If the country seemed to be about to fall, round up the families of the men on your farthest outpost and send them to join their husbands and fathers..." she choked, fighting the tears in her throat. "That way something of your people survives."

"So the list?" John baited gently.

"Is who Colonel Emerson managed to save in the time he had," Elizabeth replied. Tearing a corner from the paper towel and rubbing it across her eyes. The paper was rough on already sensitive skin.

"Do you think?" He asked. Stealing a bite of her sandwich as she tried to send her tears back where they came from.

"God..." she shook her head, losing the battle and letting her tears baptize the floor of her office. "...I want my mother to be on that list."

John brushed her shoulder tentatively, feeling how fragile she was beneath his jacket. "Maybe she will be."

"I should be thinking about my people," Elizabeth whispered accusingly. "How Atlantis is going to feed and house so many refugees who have all lost so much..."

John moved the remnant of her sandwich, keeping her from squishing it into the floor when he pulled her into his arms.

"...but I want Mum." Her voice breaking as she finished, Elizabeth clung to him. Digging her hands into his back reminded her that there was one person she loved that she hadn't lost.

At first he wanted to tell her not to cry, that everything would be all right, but he didn't believe that. John felt numb, like his emotions were all off. He hadn't lost anyone. He'd lost places, things, memories of a lifetime before. Atlantis was his home. His team was his family and the woman soaking his chest with her tears was his future. The smile he buried in her hair was entirely inappropriate, but he couldn't hold it in any more than she could stem her sobbing.

* * *

Jack slept with his head on her bed. He should have tried to stay awake, but he couldn't. He'd spent too much time waiting, fighting the Replicators, and trying to keep himself alive to fight off sleep right now. He was too tired to dream so his mind insisted the hand on his head didn't make sense. The fingers in his hair were too real to be part of some exhausted dream.

He groaned, opening his eyes and rolling his head to look up. Carter smiled at him. Her lips were nearly white, but her eyes glistened with life. "Comfortable, Sir?" she wondered, pulling her hand back to her side.

"The bed's not bad," Jack teased with a trembling smile. "The chair..." he waved his hand back and forth, "...not as special." Watching her smile broaden was worth the years it had been since she'd gone into surgery. "How you feeling?"

"Like someone's been rearranging my insides, Sir," Carter admitted without taking her eyes off him. "How's my ship?"

"Slightly better off than her captain," Jack assured her as he lifted his head and sat up. "The Czech, Ze-whatsit-"

"-Zelenka," Carter filled in.

"Zelenka," he continued. "He's got a team working on it. Replicators did a number on it, and you. Should learn to duck better."

"Thank you, Sir," Carter acknowledged as tears threatened her eyes. "Glad to see you in one piece."

"I duck well," he joked. "Comes with being a general." He fidgeted with the white sheet over her body. "Doctor Beckett tells me you're going to be fine, even up and around in a few days."

"What did I-?" she asked as she forced her eyes to focus on him.

"Tore up your stomach," he explained, wincing and pointing at the bandages covering her body. "Nasty business with broken ribs. You'll hurt, but you'll heal."

"Remind me to thank Beckett, when I see him," Carter closed her eyes, thanking whatever powers existed that she was still alive. "Missed you, Sir."

"I missed you too," her name went unsaid at the end of his admission. "Sir, I want to say..."

Elizabeth's voice interrupted over the public address system. "This is Doctor Weir," she began.

Jack felt something cold grab his heart. He'd heard this tone. He knew what generals said when an entire battalion had been lost. He saw Carter wince and realized she felt it too.

"With the ZPM in place..." Elizabeth paused, searching for strength. "Colonel Caldwell arrived in orbit of Earth a few hours ago. It is my terrible duty to inform you all..."

Jack found Sam's hand on the blanket and clutched it because the knot in his gut told him something more awful than anything he'd seen was coming.

"...that while we engaged the Replicator city, the Replicator armada attacked..." Elizabeth's voice lost more life as she finished without emotion, "...and decimated Earth. I have no words to convey what we all are feeling because I cannot even force myself to fathom what it means."

Carter's eyes went wide before they glazed over in shock. Jack stared at her hand, watching his knuckles go white without feeling the tension. Earth had fallen. For as many times as he'd saved the planet in the eleventh hour, he always thought somehow, Earth was invincible. That something would always happen that allowed life to go on.

"But, even in this darkest hour, I need you all be join me in believing we are not without hope. The survivors of our home world will be arriving shortly via the Stargate from the Alpha site in the Milky Way. Some of our families are among this group and Colonel Caldwell provided me with this tentative list of names."

Elizabeth paused again, "I know we are all in shock, and that our grief will need our attention. I cannot ask you not to feel anymore than I can stop myself, but I have to ask you all to pull together. If we have any chance to survive, any chance to hang on to what it is that we call human, we have to be united in caring for each other. If there is any way for this tragedy not to be the end of us, we must come together. For all our sakes."

"Eileen Anderson, Tyomi Asukga, Nora Beckett..." The names faded into a haze in Jack's ears. He lost anything Elizabeth said until he saw Carter crumple. Her brother, his wife, and children had gone without mention. The last of her family was gone.

"Carter," his voice seemed pathetic, not nearly strong enough to reach through the agony she must be in. He slid farther up, trying to be closer to her, maybe he could do something. She was quiet. Still, as if she'd fallen out of time.

Slowly, careful of her bandages, Jack dropped his head to her chest. If all he had left in the universe to care about was her, he didn't give a damn who knew it.

"...Edmund and Catherine Lorne..."

Jack only heard a few scattered names; people he recognized from mission reports. So much of it was a blur.

"...Jeannie and Madison Miller..." Elizabeth's voice was raspy near the end, exhausted and worn. "Simon Wallace, Petrov and Mileva Zelenka." She paused again, and Jack had to give her credit for managing to finish at all.

"I will see that everyone is notified when their loved ones arrive," for a moment it sounded like she had something to add, but Elizabeth's voice was too near breaking. "Weir out."


	15. rubble

She had the strength to stand while she was speaking, but it left her when she released the radio. Elizabeth let John guide her back down to the floor, still holding the tablet computer with the databurst from the Daedalus in her hands. When she'd read it, the name had meant nothing to her. It was merely one more out of the list of people who weren't her mother. Now, with her head on John's shoulder, her eye caught it.

"I must have forgotten," Elizabeth whispered, letting the list fall from her fingers the last centimeter to the floor. "When he-" she swallowed, correcting herself weakly, "-when we broke up. I meant to change my next-of-kin, just leave my Mum."

"Simon Wallace is your Simon," John put together as he rescued the computer and placed it safely aside. "The one who left you."

"I should be pleased he's alive," Elizabeth chided herself, lifting her head a little. "Life is so precious, John."

"He's not your mother," John allowed for her, giving her space to hate Simon for living when so many others had died. "Did General Landry?"

Elizabeth shook her head, biting her lip against her seemingly immortal tears. "He went down with the SGC," she swallowed again, managing a tiny smile. "He always said he wanted to."

"I would," John admitted without thinking. Elizabeth couldn't take it. Her shoulders were already quivering. He immediately regretted saying anything and jumped to correct himself. "If I was a crusty old general, which I am never going to be, because I intend to live to a ripe old age surrounded by grandchildren." He waited a moment for her to notice his smile.

"You want grandchildren?"

"I think I have to learn to deal with children first," John covered, relieved she had managed to return a ghost of his smile.

"You want children then?" Elizabeth was only half-joking. Part of her was genuinely curious. "As in more than one?"

"Well..." John started, scratching his neck thoughtfully as he threatened to blush. "Usually when I like something..." he shrugged, "...I want more of it- them- kids."

She clung to his hand, pulling it up to her cheek. "What would I do without you, John Sheppard?"

"The universe will never know," John's sarcasm hid his promise. "Drink your juice."

* * *

The entire experience was surreal, as if he'd stepped out of his life into a dream world. Doctor Simon Wallace had been leaving work, walking the few blocks between the hospital and his assigned parking space. Then he wasn't. He was standing, briefcase still in hand, in a metal box of a room, looking at a very apologetic airman.

"Welcome to the Odyssey, Sir, please come with me this way," said the young woman as she pulled him out of the center of the room. "I know you're very confused Sir, please, come this way and I promise to explain everything."

The young woman led him down a corridor, twisting through metal doors past more people in uniform.

"Why am I here?" he started, trying to make any kind of sense out of the situation. "For that matter, where am I?"

"The Odyssey is a space ship belonging to the United States Air Force, Sir," she explained patiently. "We're currently in a low orbit of Earth, picking up the next of kin of the Atlantis expedition. You were listed in the personal file of Doctor Elizabeth Weir."

The word Atlantis sparked his memory. "There's been some mistake," he began to apologize. "Elizabeth and I aren't together anymore."

"I'm sorry Sir," the airman led him into a larger room full of other confused civilians. "No matter what happened between you and her, you're better off here than on Earth." Her brown eyes softened for a moment, and he wondered how close she was to tears. "Please, Sir, just try to trust us." She left, disappearing through the heavy metal door.

He walked through the crowd, passing the elderly couples he marked as parents. Some younger women shepherded children, and he wondered if their husbands were waiting for them. There were even a few men with children in hand. Some of the refugees were like him, alone, on their way home from work. Everyone was quiet, looking around too shocked too avoid staring.

One of the children, a little girl with amber-brown hair brushed against his leg. "We're going to see my uncle," she informed him with the calm that only came to young children in moments of crisis.

"I'm sorry," her mother began as she left the line of people around the tables of food. "Madison, come here."

"It's all right," Simon promised gently, pleased to have made eye contact with someone.

"Jeannie Miller," she introduced herself as she scooped up the girl. "And this is Madison."

"Simon," he offered, reaching out a hand. "Simon Wallace, I shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" she asked quickly, too shell-shocked to be polite. "I'm not sure what I did to deserve being home when my husband couldn't be found..." Jeannie paused, closing her eyes until she regained her composure. "...but they saved Madison. My brother, Rodney, he's the scientific advisor for the Atlantis expedition. If you have any questions, I was there once, helping him with a physics proof..." She smiled nervously. "I'm rambling."

"It's nice," he sighed, sinking down to a bench. "We're going through the Stargate?"

"You know?" Jeannie asked abruptly. "I thought people weren't supposed to know..."

"I used to date the leader of the expedition," Simon began quietly. "She tried to get me to come with her." He dropped his hands weakly to his lap, watching as Madison started to play with his briefcase.

"Doctor Weir?" she filled in quickly. "I, uh, I kind of thought..."

"What?" Simon wondered curiously. Bending down, he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a few pens and a notebook. "Do you draw? My nephew's about your age and he really likes to draw."

Madison nodded quickly, taking his pens and the paper and dropping down to the floor.

"What did you think?" Simon asked again. Watching Madison start to scribble something that vaguely resembled a sheep.

"I kinda thought she had a thing for this guy she works with...I mean, I barely talked to her, but Mere said John had a hell of a crush on her, and they were always together when I saw them..." she shrugged, blushing slightly when she realized what she was saying. "So where are you from? What do you do?" Jeannie quickly changed the subject.

"I'm, well, I was until a few moments ago, a doctor," Simon tried to remember if he knew anything about who Elizabeth worked with. She hadn't mentioned anyone, but he hadn't really given her the chance. The last time he'd seen her all they'd done was fight. "I live in Washington DC. What about you?"

"Toronto, my husband's an English teacher," Jeannie stopped short, realizing she had to correct herself again. "Caleb was an English teacher."

"It's all right," Simon sighed, watching as Madison stuck his three-hundred dollar gold-leafed pen that had been a gift after ten years of service into her mouth. It really didn't matter anymore. If Earth was really gone...

"They're taking us to Atlantis," Jeannie said, hoping she hadn't said it already. "I suppose there could be worse things than that. I keep telling Maddie how nice it was. I think she'll like it."

"Why are they taking us?" Simon queried softly, glad he'd ended up with someone who knew something about what was happening. "What happened to Earth?"

"I was told it was the Replicators," Jeannie answered. Watching Madison draw a dark shape sucking stick figures up into the sky made her smile. "I don't really know who--what they are, but from the way everyone's acting, I assume it's bad."

"They took us from Earth to protect us?" Simon asked, watching the same airman who'd brought him drop off another woman. "It was that bad?"

"I guess," Jeannie opened a power bar and handed it down to her daughter. She offered him a second. "Hungry?"

Simon took it gratefully, taking a bite as he tried to decide what he was going to say when he saw Elizabeth again.

* * *

"Okay people, I know you're frightened, I know there's a lot to see but we need to keep moving..." John waved the next group away from the shimmering circle of water. "Come on, follow the nice scientists in the blue shirts, they'll take you out to the balcony where we'll sign you up for some quarters. Everyone likes getting some quarters...they're real nice, lots of them have balconies even..."

Elizabeth leaned over the railing, watching the families follow John and her science teams. She rested her head in her hands for a moment, relieved that in a few hours she could finally stand down. When everyone had quarters and food she'd let herself go to bed. Caldwell had radioed back in. He and Emerson were collecting all the supplies from the Alpha site before they'd make the long trip back. With only one ZPM, the Daedalus would have to escort the Odyssey at a much slower rate than they could travel alone.

She hadn't seen him yet. She should be thinking of other things. How could she feed everyone? What would they do for clothing? Medicine? Schools? All of a sudden her child wasn't the abnormality, but instead the youngest of many. Elizabeth glanced up in time to notice someone she recognized. Rodney's sister, Jeannie had emerged from the gate with a little girl in her arms. Rodney's niece was as adorable as her picture had been.

Jeannie recognized John and her face lit with relief. Rodney appeared out of nowhere and attacked her with one of the fiercest hugs she'd ever seen. Elizabeth had to smile. That was hope. She was still smiling, feeling a tiny bit better as she left the balcony and started down the stairs to John.

Simon was a step behind Jeannie. She recognized him from the back by the set of his shoulders and his brown leather briefcase. Elizabeth's stomach knotted and she caught the railing with one hand.

John saw her falter, and following her eyes he picked out the tall man with shaggy curls as Simon. He sized him up as he walked past. He looked academic, boring, and too stuffy for Elizabeth. For a moment, insecurity suggested that Simon was what Elizabeth liked; the nerdy academic who would be able to debate United Nations policy with her.

As if Simon knew he was being watched, he turned, catching Elizabeth on the stairs. She was deathly pale, like she had been after the eighth day of nuclear talks in Pakistan. He remembered her nearly crawling off the plane at the airport and curling up with Sedgewick for the rest of the weekend. She'd been so stubborn she hadn't let him treat her until her fever had crawled above one hundred degrees and it became obvious she was more than just tired.

Elizabeth erased John's fears when she met his eyes. Her hand was damp with sweat when she caught his, and she let him take some of her weight. "Why is he looking at me?"

"He's realizing he was an idiot," John muttered darkly, making her crack a smile at his jealous streak. He kept himself between her and Simon when it became apparent that Simon wasn't leaving without speaking to her.

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth began softly. Lifting her head to meet Simon's stare would have been hard enough if she wasn't exhausted. Now it was nearly torture. "I know you didn't want..."

"...thank you," Simon interrupted. "Because of you, I'm alive."

"I never meant," Elizabeth sighed heavily, her head hurt badly enough that her eyes were tearing up. "Have you met?"

"Colonel John Sheppard," John amended, both of his hands were on Elizabeth's arm, but he removed one, letting her rest her weight on his shoulder. He stood on the step between both of them with Elizabeth using him for balance and Simon looking through him at her. "I'm the military commander of Atlantis. Sorry for the abrupt welcome. We have a lot going on." He shook Simon's hand politely, trying not to squeeze as hard as he wanted too.

"I'm supposed to..." Simon stopped, watching with a strange tightening of his chest as Elizabeth's hand crept into John's hair on the back of his neck. "...go get quarters."

"Right!" John smiled without a lot of warmth. Taking Elizabeth's hands back, he took a step down the stairs. "It's right that way," he said, using her hand to help point. "Teyla and Ronon are overseeing the process. They'll be happy to help you. Now if you'll excuse us, I have to walk the good doctor here to bed."

Simon's eyebrows narrowed. She was sick then. It was possible she was just tired, but from the way she clung to John he really should have known she wasn't feeling well. "Are you all right?" Had she ever let him carry so much of her?

"I'm fine," Elizabeth answered more forcefully than she intended to. She even retrieved her hands from John's and stood on her own. She'd be dammed if she was going to let Simon diagnose her in the gate room, or anywhere else for that matter. "Actually, Simon, as soon as you have quarters I'd like to ask you a favor, we don't have a lot of doctors and any help you'd be willing to give..."

Simon nodded, so it was going to be just business between them. He rubbed at his hand without thinking; a nervous habit he'd picked up after getting married just under a year ago. With so much going on it had slipped his mind that she might notice his wedding ring. He stared down at the gold band and remembered again that his wife wasn't coming through. The gate wasn't going to open again and no force in the universe was going to send Bridget to him. She was the one he'd married, not Elizabeth. She was the one he should be thinking about, not Elizabeth.

"I'll have someone show me the way," Simon agreed absently. Work was the best option. Helping people would keep him from thinking until he had time to grieve properly. "It is nice to see you again."

"And a pleasure to meet you," John replied, saving Elizabeth from having to speak. He could feel her arm tremble as he held it against his chest. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you." His exaggerated politeness made Simon just uncomfortable enough for him to enjoy it. He smiled at him, watching Simon find his way to the balcony with the rest of the refugees.

Elizabeth made it out of sight, around the corner and down into the transporter to their quarters before she started to collapse. Wrapping an arm firmly around her waist, John made sure he was ready to catch her if need be. "I don't know if I can carry you," he half-admitted, half-joked. "I didn't get any sleep either."

"Do you think there will be a third evolution of humanity?" Elizabeth asked him suddenly, ignoring his jibe entirely.

John stopped walking, completely taken by surprise. "What are you talking about?" he asked, shaking his head slowly.

"When the Ancients suffered from the plague that nearly wiped them out, they seeded us," Elizabeth explained, her tired mind traveling in tangents. "Now we're wiped out," she continued, hanging onto the wall while he fussed with the door to their quarters. "If the universe travels in cycles where one series of events leads into the next..."

The crystals recognized his hand and chimed to let him in. "...it's time to start over?" John finished for her, leading her directly to the bed as soon as he got through the door. "It's possible," he agreed, kneeling down with a groan to deal with her boots. "We've seen stranger things."

"Do you ever feel like there's an entire story going on somewhere that we're just a tiny, infinitesimal piece of?" Elizabeth asked as she balanced with her hands on his shoulders. "Something so big it's going on all around us and we're just a drop in the bucket, so to speak."

"Arms up," John requested, taking her shirt and pulling it over her head. With it gone she shivered slightly and he hurried. Grabbing one of their sleeping bags he draped it around her shoulders as he started removing her pants.

"Don't know if I'm up for that, fly boy..." Elizabeth teased weakly, winking at him as he slid them down over her hips. She started to undo her bra, but his hands beat her to it. He kissed her neck as he pulled it free.

John left her clothes in a pile on the floor and started to strip himself. "The Ancients always seemed like they had a plan," he supposed, wriggling his black t-shirt off over his muscular back. "At least until they got their butts kicked by the Wraith," he concluded with a thoughtful look. "Maybe it was our turn. The Ancients bult Atlantis, Ancients nearly get killed by Wraith. We take over Atlantis; we're nearly killed by Replicators..."

His pants dropped to the floor and he stepped out of them, the hair on his legs pricking with cold. Elizabeth slid over, making room for him in the bed. Without bothering to do anything else, he dropped like a stone next to her.

"If there's an emergency now, I get up. If there's one while we're trying to sleep tomorrow, that one's for you," he decided as he pulled her close to his chest. Elizabeth folded her arms around his and let the warmth of his body seep into her back.

"Are you going to alternate nights parenting?" she nudged, feeling him chuckle against her. John let her question hang and his breathing started to slow. "Simon hated you," Elizabeth whispered to his arm as she held it.

"I've never figured out why so many men do," John pretended with an innocent lilt in his voice. "Women seem to like me."

"When I saw you in the chair, back on Earth," Elizabeth mused quietly as she watched the stars hang sleepily outside her window. "I knew I needed you."

"Fate had us marked then?" John jabbed, faking a romantic tone.

Elizabeth rolled over, pulling her hands in so she could lay them on his chest. "You could turn on the chair!" she exclaimed sleepily. "Better than anyone else could."

"I knew it," he remarked, kissing her fingers as he lifted them up to her mouth. "You just wanted me for my genetics."

"You do have that mensa IQ..." Elizabeth yawned again, letting the warmth of his chest fill her hands. "And lovely eyes."

He brought his lips to her forehead, tasting the old sweat and the unique taste of her. "I love you," he promised, running his hand down her back until he found the spot he wanted. Elizabeth smiled in her sleep, knowing he was there was enough to wipe away the rest of her worries.

* * *

When she woke up, Elizabeth was alone. Rolling over groggily, she had to remind herself that the stars outside her window were space, not the middle of the night over the ocean. It was hard not to miss the ocean. As she stretched lazily, she realized she heard water, but instead of waves, it was the running water of the shower. Yawning as she sat up, Elizabeth held the sleeping bag up over her chest out of habit.

When the shower stopped, a very naked John Sheppard strolled out of the bathroom. He dried the hair on his head, grinning at her playfully as her eyes ran over his naked body. "Morning," he said, winking and lowering his towel to his neck. In the cool air of their quarters his body almost steamed from the heat of the shower. "You were out cold, so I went for a run and came back to shower."

"No emergencies?" Elizabeth asked, watching a droplet of water find its way down his chest.

"I left Teyla in charge," he explained and captured the droplet with his towel as it ran over his chest. "There's really nothing she can't handle."

"Even hundreds of exhausted, terrified, worn-out refugees from Earth?" Elizabeth mused, disappointed when he wrapped the towel around his waist and searched for his clothes.

"Well, she's pretty good at giving the 'life in Pegasus 101 lecture'," John pointed out. Successfully finding his duffel bag, he pulled his one pair of clean boxers. Elizabeth caught herself shamelessly watching his well-toned butt as he pulled them on. "You're really making this one-sided," he rebuked playfully. "I'm fine with being your object of admiration, however..." John turned around, arms crossed over his chest as he glared at the sleeping bag.

Laughing and starting to blush, Elizabeth looked down at the olive drab sleeping bag and then back at him. "I'll get cold," she complained, still giggling as his eyes rolled in his head.

"Maybe I'll warm you up," John negotiated, turning around to dig up his pants. The sleeping bag rustled on the bed, and when he turned around Elizabeth stood next to it. Her skin nearly glowed in the weak light of the stars and the one light he'd turned on to look for his clothing. Aside from her simple black panties, she was entirely, gloriously naked.

Clasping her hands behind her back and giving him a stern look, Elizabeth watched as he stepped into his pants. "Is this fair enough for you?"

Doing the belt as he crossed the floor to her, John clinked it in place just as he reached her. Feeling her nipples as two hardening points against his chest, he circled her with his arms. "I've heard you were a tough negotiator," he replied with amusement, digging his fingers into the muscles in the small of her back. "I guess they were right."

"You bet they were," Elizabeth tossed back, sighing when he found the knots that had taken up residence there. "Is there anyway just to take the weekend off?"

John chuckled and looked down at her curiously. "I thought you didn't take days off," he said, teasing the elastic the held her panties firmly in place.

"I might occasionally need one," Elizabeth conceded, raising her eyebrows slightly before she released him. "Remember the good old days when our biggest fear was the Wraith?"

"Vaguely," John returned, tossing her a clean towel from the chair. "Laundry's back up and running, if we had some more clothes, we could wash them."

"God," Elizabeth hung up the towel on a smooth metal hook on the wall of the bathroom and stepped out of her panties. "I suppose we aren't getting any more supplies?"

"The **Odyssey** and the **Daedalus** are loaded with everything that could be salvaged from the Alpha and Beta sites," John called into the bathroom as he slid into his t-shirt. "Teyla received the last of the personnel this morning. It looks like the head count's holding at eight hundred sixty-five, counting the crews on both ships."

Elizabeth felt the air slip from her chest as she clung to the wall of the shower. Eight hundred of six billion... Swallowing her grief, she reached for the hot water. "Any word from the infirmary?"

"Carson, Doctor Tam, and Doctor Wallace have been working their magic," John called into the bathroom, hearing the water come on as he sat down to pull on his black socks. He wandered the room, collecting their dirty clothes and making sure they landed in a bag he could bring to the laundry. "All of the surgical cases pulled through, he has two patients in comas, but he seems optimistic. The only case that really has him worried is Helia. Her vitals took a turn for the worst last night and he was sending her through the Ancient scanner when I went for my run."

Elizabeth ran her hands over her face and let the hot water take her insecurities away. "And Colonel Carter?" she yelled back over the sound of the shower.

"Complete success, she'll be up and around today, back to her ship in a few more days," John leaned on the wall of the bathroom, watching her through the glass door of the shower. "Found you some clothes, but it's more Air Force pants for you I'm afraid."

Elizabeth laughed slightly as she fumbled for the shampoo with closed eyes. "Could be worse, I guess," she decided optimistically.

John reached around the glass and pushed the shampoo into her hand. "That's the spirit," he agreed, keeping himself as cheerful as possible. "Feeling all right?"

Elizabeth worked the shampoo through the tangled curls of her hair and sighed to the wall. "I'm all right," she replied without enough conviction.

"Nauseous?" he asked, watching foam run down her back.

"I think you should just stop asking me that question," Elizabeth pulled her fingers through her hair and spritzed the water on them at him.

"That bad?" he continued to wonder as he held out the towel.

Shutting off the water, she grabbed for it and pressed it to her face. "It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist, if you stop bringing it up," she rationalized, drying the water from her neck before she attacked her hair.

"Have I mentioned I like you this way?" John offered, arms crossed lazily over his chest.

"Wet?" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and started the towel down her body.

"Why Doctor," John tilted his head towards the pile of her clothes on the chair. "Is that some kind of suggestion?"

"Might be," she answered, running a hand across the back of his neck as she passed. He retaliated by stealing her towel and dragging her back to him. John grabbed her ass through the towel, pretending to be drying her skin.

"See you after work?" he teased, promising with his hands to make it worth her while if she did.

"I know it'll be nearly impossible, but could we make time to stop by the infirmary today?" Elizabeth ventured, almost shy now that they were talking about the baby. "Carson's been wanting to do a real exam, now that everything's online, and he's starting to get caught up." Ever since Mab had started visiting her, she'd been afraid. Not of the baby, as she had been before, but for the first time she was afraid for the baby.

"What if he just tells you that you're going to be sick every day for the next thirty weeks-" John was stopped when she threw her hand over his mouth.

"He's not going to say that..." Elizabeth insisted, turning away from him to pull on her clothing. She clung to his arm for balance as she pulled on her panties. "He's going to tell me to take it easy."

"As you should be doing," John chastised, grinning softly as she wriggled into her black bra. He just kept grinning at her breasts as she did up the clasp. "The view from this apartment really is spectacular."

"Oh really?" She giggled slightly, almost nervous as he continued to watch her get dressed. As she sat on the bed, her smile faded. John watched as her shoulders started to slump. "How do I go out there? How do I face all of those people and tell them they have to go on with our lives?"

John turned around the chair that had held her clothes and settled into it backwards, crossing his arms along the back. "Because you're going to," John affirmed. Keeping his gaze on her steady. "Because I'll be there next to you and because everyone out there is tougher than you think."

"Everyone's lost so much," Elizabeth sighed, letting her head fall into her hands. "I don't think there's one person out there who hasn't lost most of their family."

He nudged her foot with his toes. "I'm sorry I won't get to meet your mother," he offered gently, meeting her eyes as she looked up. "I like to tell myself she would have liked me."

"She would have thought you were crazy," Elizabeth started to smile even as her eyes teared up. "A pilot like you giving up command of his own ship to be with me of all people. Not to mention that you were insane enough to get me pregnant, without even knowing how terrible I am when I'm sick."

"I'm going to go with lucky," John said softly, watching as her tears ran down her cheeks. There was something beautiful about the way she cried; how her eyelashes directed her tears down from her ever-serious green eyes.

"And she would have thought you're charming," Elizabeth told him as she sat up, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. "Sometimes, rarely I mean, on your most serious occasions, you remind me of my father. I think she would have liked that about you."

John's lips curled in a proud smile. "They must have been so proud of you," he ventured as he reached to touch her arm, making her lips twitch in weak amusement. "A Ph.D, negotiations with the UN, top secret missions for the US government..."

"My father said he'd be proudest of me when I was happy," she explained softly, concentrating on the warmth in his face. "When I could look him in the eye and tell him I was completely happy, he'd know he had done a good job."

He paused, trying to picture the man who had touched her so. "How are you doing now?" John asked thoughtfully, wondering what it was like to be so close to her parents.

"I don't know," Elizabeth admitted. Reaching up, she captured his hand off her arm and held it close to her chest. "I can't seem to think that far. Today getting out of bed was a victory."

John leaned across, sitting up enough to reach her face. He kissed her damp cheek and breathed in the clean smell of her hair. "Hang onto that," he suggested. "Even small victories call for celebrations...if only small ones. If you're ready, I'll buy you breakfast in the cafeteria, I've heard they are featuring a long line and military rations..."

"You really know how to tempt a woman, don't you?" Elizabeth joked, wiping her face as she stood.

"If you need a minute..." John offered shyly as he returned his chair to the wall, "...and if you want me to go, or stay, or..."

"I can't right now," Elizabeth answered; her voice strained with emotion. He nodded, trying to give her the right space to grieve. "I can't promise I'm not going to collapse into a weeping mess later..."

"...but not right now," John finished for her. He tucked his hands in his pockets and waited just in front of the door. "If you want a shoulder, I've been told mine are pretty decent." He paused, shrugging slightly as the only sign of his nervousness. "I'd understand if you, well, wanted to be alone too."

"I'd rather not..." she stuttered, awkwardly trying not to look at him long enough for her heart to break through her control. "...be alone," she added, "I don't think it would be good for me."

"Okay," he said, nodding simply. "Breakfast then?"

Elizabeth winced slightly, holding her stomach without knowing she was. "Breakfast," she agreed grimly. She was tempted to grab something and disappear into her office to deal with being nauseous on her own. John had a point and he knew it. With morale where it was, they had to be seen in public. They had to prove it was possible to go on with life. Even if that meant demonstrating her aversion to food in front of the entire city. After all, Elizabeth thought, she was lucky her pregnancy wasn't all over the city the minute Rodney had heard about it.


	16. uphill battle

"I will be assigning times for interviews for all of you," Teyla explained as she stood on a chair in the front of the cafeteria. "We know you all had jobs on Earth, and many of you have children who will also need to be taken care of. I know this is difficult for all of you, not only losing your home, but having to integrate into a new community, in a new galaxy. I want you all to know we are here to help you. Major Lorne and I are doing our best to make sure you fit in and are happy here."

She looked down at her list on her computer and winced when she pulled at the bandage on her shoulder. The wound from the Replicator mission was still healing. "Please make your way to the balcony and find out when you are scheduled," she instructed the crowd around her. "Sergeants Haley, Kinnonen and Renault will be waiting for you. Thank you again for your patience and cooperation." The group filed out and Teyla nodded to Ronon to send in the next group.

John winced watching her, glad he'd managed to avoid giving the same speech eight times to different groups of civilians. "Maybe we should give them colors," John teased Elizabeth across his plate of Athosian stewed rice, grains, and vegetables the cafeteria was offering as breakfast.

She poked at hers with disinterest and glanced up at him in confusion. "Colors?" she wondered.

"Yeah, civilian group red, blue, green, pink..." John said as he took a bite and glared at her unmoving fork. "That way we can send them places easier."

"Oh," Elizabeth responded softly, catching his look and taking a hesitant bite of her breakfast.

"It's really not bad," John offered with a shrug as he finished off the last of his. "Since you skipped out on the sauce, it should be really bland."

"It is," she agreed, still toying at it with her fork. "I just..."

"I hate to be the voice of reason," John started, leaning back in his chair with his coffee. "But, it's better to eat it and hope you keep it down than to not eat it. Didn't General O'Neill tell you his sister felt better when she ate?"

Elizabeth forced herself to take a bite and smiled as she tried to talk around her food. "How'd you know that?" she demanded with amusement.

"He told me to remind you," John conceded with a wink. "Speaking of the general..." He tilted his head, drawing Elizabeth's attention as he flagged down Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter as they made their way through the crowd. "Carson let you out?" He asked Sam as she sat down with great care.

"On good behavior," Carter grinned playfully as Jack took the chair next to Elizabeth. "I think he was just sick of the general moping around his infirmary."

"I did not mope," Jack corrected her indignantly. "I strutted pompously and looked concerned." He turned from John's empty plate to Elizabeth's full one and gave her a look that would have wilted flowers. "Something wrong with your rice?"

"No," Elizabeth said, embarrassed as Sam and John gave her sympathetic looks.

Jack elbowed her lightly in the side. "The sooner you finish the sooner you can get away from me bothering you," he suggested playfully.

"There's motivation for me," Elizabeth muttered as she looked away from all the eyes on her.

"It's a good motivation, really," Sam added as Jack reached across the table to squeeze her free hand. "He's had years of practice being really annoying."

'Why thank you, Colonel," Jack dropped her hand as if she had burned him and looked indignant. "I've worked hard to become such."

"So how does it feel to be the head of the military?" John teased, drawing the conversation off Elizabeth as she tentatively started to eat.

"Headish?" Jack replied without much thought. "I guess odd, I suppose. Probably about as odd as being head of say, everything..." He turned on Elizabeth, startling her as she took a sip of tea.

"I'm not..." she started to argue, but across the table John nodded.

"Yes, actually," Jack corrected for her. "You are the big cheese around here."

Elizabeth's knuckles whitened as she grabbed her cup a little tighter. Her rice suddenly seemed much less appetizing. She hadn't thought about it, but she'd been left guardian of the remnants of the entire culture of Earth. Beneath the table John's hand brushed her knee; which startled her so badly that she nearly dropped her fork.

"Finish eating," he instructed firmly. Promising with his eyes that she could handle whatever the universe had left for her. "Don't worry about it; we have a lot to do today."

* * *

Her computer screen hurt her eyes. Elizabeth rubbed at her temples, wishing that would help her focus. Dishes from her lunch, and dinner sat on the floor beside the crate she was using as a desk. Writing her speech was incredibly hard. She'd teared up twice trying to finish it and that was probably only adding to her headache. She stretched her arms, feeling the bandage from the blood Carson had taken. His wish for an actual appointment had been put off for another few days until she was less busy. She nearly hated herself for not making the time. There was just so much she needed to do.

Major Lorne knocked on the glass wall and waited for her to look up. A pleasant looking couple stood behind him, probably in their late fifties. The familial resemblance was easy to see in the jaw line of his father and the stunning eyes of his mother. "Doctor Weir?" he began politely. "I hope we're not intruding..."

"Oh no," she said immediately. Closing her eyes as she stood up, Elizabeth put on her best professional smile. "I've afraid I haven't met-"

"-my parents," Lorne introduced proudly. "This is Edmund and Colonel Catherine Lorne."

Edmund's handshake was firm and dry. He had a gentle smile that won her over immediately. Catherine took longer. Her blue eyes sized Elizabeth up, and she felt like she was being judged by her grip.

"You needn't worry about my wife," Edmund promised with that same smile. "The dragon retired from the Marines years ago. My son just likes to point out that he's about to pass her up in rank."

Lorne looked suitably embarrassed, but still beamed at his parents. "They requested a chance to volunteer their services," he explained as he stood behind them. "Mom was a logistics coordination and Dad was an elementary school teacher."

"Always found trucks easier to manage than children," Catherine added to her son's explanation. "I'm going to be helping Robbie here keep everyone in order, that's if it's okay with you, Ma'am."

Elizabeth started slightly, unused to being differed to by a woman so much her elder. "I'm sure he'll be happy to have the assistance, thank you," she said graciously. "And you as well, Mr. Lorne, we haven't even begun to think of what we will do with the children of the city." The same cold knot that had taken up permanent residence in the pit of her stomach reminded her that, before she knew it, her child would need schooling.

"Then allow me to volunteer," Edmund said, breaking her out of her reverie. "With your permission, of course, I'll work with my son and the very capable Miss Teyla and come up with a plan."

Elizabeth just nodded; too overwhelmed to be anything but grateful her people were managing to take things out of her hands. "It sounds like a good idea," she replied gratefully. "I'll wish you all luck and let you get on with your work."

"Thank you, Ma'am..." Major Lorne nodded quickly, understanding immediately that she had to get back to her work. "Come on, we all have a lot to get done." He shepherded his parents out of his office, giving her a final embarrassed smile.

Creeping back to her chair, she dropped into it and recollected her computer. Setting aside her speech for the memorial service she tried to focus. What were they going to do? How could she feed eight hundred without constant supplies from Earth? The Athosians had already been so generous with food. How could she ask them for clothing as well? Carson had already mentioned rationing morphine and other precious drugs. The Daedalus had left him their entire supply, but it wasn't much.

Her eyes itched from the strain. The clock on her computer read a quarter after nine. It was so hard to keep track of the time without the sun outside her window. She should go to bed; her body already ached from the twelve hours she'd spent in her office. Her speech still needed work, but it was too hard to write. Closing her eyes only made her think of her mother. Elizabeth couldn't help wondering how she had died; if she had suffered when the fire came down from the sky. From what Caldwell had reported, Earth's demise had been quick.

It was in her dreams, burned into the back of her eyelids. Her mother stood over the stove in the kitchen, looking up just as the window exploded inward in a blast of heat. Her hair erupted into flame and her skin went black. Elizabeth couldn't hear anything except the roaring of her heartbeat in her ears, but her imagination saw everything.

When she shook it away, her hands were still trembling and her t-shirt was damp with sweat. Elizabeth forced herself to turn her attention back to her computer. If she couldn't focus on her speech, she could at least keep working on the manifest. Teyla and Lorne had been good about keeping track of everyone. Many of the refugees from Earth were elderly parents and children. There were significant numbers of younger people, many of the scientists and some of the military personnel had spouses. Most of them had careers.

Teyla and Lorne had already weeded out anyone with medical talent. Beckett had gained three doctors, including Simon. Beside Kate, Atlantis now had two other psychiatrists and a social worker. Some of the refugees had been teachers, even a few college professors. Lorne's father would have many people to organize into a school system.

Again her mind wandered, picturing the children of the city attending classes in some of the empty rooms on the lower level. Would her child have John's eyes? Would he or she like mathematics or art classes? John was very intelligent, no matter how well he hid it. Would that be an advantage? She couldn't picture her child. Elizabeth was still having a hard time getting her mind around the idea of her pregnancy. It was still so intangible. If she didn't know better she'd still be writing off her nausea as a lingering case of the stomach flu.

Three months ago her biggest concern was imminent attack by the Wraith or Replicators. Then it was how to handle a moment's intoxicated indiscretion on an alien planet. Even being banished from Atlantis by the Ancients was easier than this. Remembering that reminded her of her aborted attempt at writing her memoirs. Carson had pointed out she'd never be able to punish them on Earth, but ironically now they were the last link she had. Earth had been her home, once, but the last time she was there all she'd wanted was to get away. Elizabeth fought with her eyes, looking through the screen as she opened her memoirs and started at the beginning. Not at the beginning of her time in Atlantis, but at her very first memory.

She'd been outside, in the garden, waiting for her father to appear over the side of the hedge. She knew his face would eventually erupt from the leaves to surprise her. With all the seriousness of her toddler's mind, she knew her father would appear more than she knew the sun would rise. There was something cathartic about writing down her goodbye to Earth.

* * *

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Simon called as he hurried down the hallway to catch up with the elusive Colonel Sheppard. John ignored him, dipping down a corridor and disappearing into one of those transporters. He'd only met the man briefly yesterday, but it was becoming obvious Sheppard had it in for him. He'd been running an errand for Doctor Beckett, picking up more sutures from the supply storage, the first time he'd passed him in the hallway. He nearly brushed it off when John shot him a glare that would have melted an ice sculpture.

Simon had only caught it out of the corner of his eye. When he looked, John was smiling quietly to himself. He would have put it off as an accidental misunderstanding, but he'd run into the colonel again at lunch. John was picking up two meals, carefully balancing one plate against the other on a silver tray. He'd been behind him in line, waiting for the other man to finish with the offering of sandwiches. John had tripped just at the end, managing to save his tray only by bringing his arm down on Simon's hand.

His plate had gone flying, landing on the floor in a pile. John had apologized very politely, even offered to get someone to help clean it up. He'd refused to do so himself, saying Elizabeth was waiting for her lunch. There was something about the way he said her name; how John lingered over it. He had smiled when he left. He knew something.

Simon found himself finding excuses to talk about Elizabeth. Looking for any excuse to hear what she'd been doing and how extraordinary her life had become. Doctor Beckett was only happy to oblige, sharing stories of heroism that surprised him. He'd known Elizabeth was brave, gutsier than he'd believe, but no one had ever been able to tell him what she did. Everything was always top secret.

"Suppose that doesn't count for much anymore?" Carson asked rhetorically. "No government, no reason to keep anything top secret is there?" He ran his hand thoughtfully across his head, ruffling his brown hair. "Let's see, where was I..."

"...the Genii tried to take over Atlantis," Simon filled in as he organized the pharmaceutical cabinet on the infirmary wall.

"Oh right, right," Carson turned back to his microscope, studying some blood sample he'd been working on all afternoon. "Rodney and Elizabeth were held hostage by this madman, Kolya, while Sheppard ran around killing Kolya's men. Got the bastard right pissed off and killed a full company of his soldiers." Looking up long enough to grin proudly, Carson continued. "So then Kolya tries to grab Elizabeth and take her through the gate. Ford and Sheppard took out most of the guys, but Kolya was left holding Elizabeth-" Carson mimed holding a person to his chest. "He kept going, betting John wouldn't shoot him..."

"...and?" Simon prodded, waiting for the end of the story.

"Bam!" Carson exclaimed proudly. "Rodney said he just shot him, missed Elizabeth entirely and hit Kolya right in the shoulder." He chuckled, remembering Rodney's rendition of the story. "It was a very nice shot." Still smiling, he returned to the microscope. "Damn...would you look at that?" Carson waved Simon over. "Ever done any work with retroviruses?"

"A little..." Simon admitted as he waited for his turn. "What am I looking for?"

"See the protein markers?" Carson coaxed as he brought up the microscope on the display. "The ones I've stained blue are normal, but these..." he indicated the bright green in the blood sample. "...these are the ones altered by the retrovirus. It's specifically changing her DNA, splicing in just this group of cells all over her body."

"That can't be natural," Simon pointed out as Carson showed him the DNA profiles. "The retrovirus would have to be specifically tailored to the subject's own DNA to be this effective."

"Well, you're half-right," Carson explained as he pulled up the fetal blood cells he'd been able to extract from Elizabeth's sample that afternoon. "The subject is nine weeks pregnant and this virus seems to have been generated by the fetus. The genes that are being spliced, here and here..." he indicated more bright green markers, "...were taken from the father's DNA."

"You're telling me someone wrote a virus that takes a specific gene from the father's DNA and writes it into the mother's?" Simon wondered incredulously. "Do you have any idea how complex that would be?"

"Aye," Carson whistled as he shook his head. "I'm setting up the machine to run a full sequence now. Maybe they left us a calling card."

"Or an instruction manual," Simon complained as he stared at the DNA. "Does she have any symptoms? Is this causing any problems for her?"

"Well, no, not outside the ordinary complaints from pregnancy," Carson said as he tilted his head thoughtfully. "It's possible the retrovirus is magnifying her symptoms, so far her nausea and exhaustion have been on the severe side."

"And this gene pattern," Simon folded his arms across his chest and tried to remember everything he had learned so far. "This is the Ancient gene? The one you call ATA?"

"Aye, that's it," Carson agreed, pleased Simon was catching on so quickly. "Whoever designed this, meant it to seed the mother with what we call ATA, or as Elizabeth found in the database, LK476. Now, if the mother has it, since ATA is a dominant trait it would be passed on to all her children. This virus seems to make sure the mother gets it..."

"...that way if she had children with another man, the gene would still be passed on, rather useful if the culture doesn't value monogamy," Simon continued for him. "Have you done any contagion tests? Is this virus being spread around the city? Sanitary conditions can't be the best with so many refugees."

"It doesn't seem to be able to spread..." Carson trailed off as he studied the results in front of him. "I'll try infecting a different blood culture and see if that does anything."

* * *

"Do you miss Earth?" Ronon asked him as he caught up in the hallway.

"Kinda," John replied, shrugging a little as he checked off the rooms that were occupied.

"Atlantis is your home," Ronon answered for him as he fell in step with him. "Earth was just were you came from."

"Don't get me wrong," John said, sticking a note with the name 'Stackhouse' on the room that housed the Colonel and his family. "Earth was a pretty fantastic place. Cars, football, jet airplanes, football, steaks you can't eat in one sitting..."

"...football?" Ronon teased, smiling knowingly. "I miss festivals on Sateda, going to a holiday and knowing why I was there."

"Super Bowl parties..." John added as he nodded in agreement. "Being part of a crowd that's all celebrating the same thing."

"It's pretty rough on your people," Ronon commented as he helped John stick a note with a last name on the next doorway. "Not knowing about the Replicators and suddenly being wiped out. On Sateda we went down fighting."

"I'm sure Earth did too," John sighed, wondering yet again how terrible that final battle had been. What had they done when the drones ran out? "We're not really the type to go quietly."

"Good," Ronon agreed as he took a glance down at John's list. "Any warriors?"

"A few..." John answered without much confidence. "Mostly families."

"Family can be an asset," Ronon pointed out as the corridor curved past the quarters John and Elizabeth made their home. Borrowing a sheet of paper from John's clipboard, Ronon wrote 'WEIR' in large block letters and stuck it on the door with a grin. "You know she's the head of your family."

John shook his head indignantly, starting to chuckle when he realized it was probably true.

"She doing all right?" Ronon asked as they headed onwards. "Throwing up less?"

Now John had to shake his head. "You know, she says she is..."

"...then she isn't," Ronon finished for him. "Weir's like Teyla. She can't stop. She could be dying and she'd drag herself up to help someone else. She's looking for trouble, doing that pregnant."

"I'm open to suggestions," John said helplessly and lowered his clipboard for a moment.

"Tell her you need her," Ronon sagely replied, tossing one of his knives into the air and catching it neatly. "Let her rescue you. Keep her close." He patted John the shoulder, nearly leaving a bruise behind. "Think of yourself as bait. Women love that."

John closed his eyes, rubbing his shoulder and trying to decide if there was merit in what Ronon had said. The guy had been married after all. Glancing down at his watch, he realized it was nearly midnight. She'd still be in her office. Elizabeth wouldn't leave until he carried her out of there, conscious or unconscious. He tucked his work under his arm and headed for the transporter. He was still turning over what to say as the transporter opened onto the control room.

Murphy was there, calm at his place at the console. Zelenka and one of the Japanese scientists were arguing about something at the science station. Neither of them looked up as he passed.

* * *

John was on the catwalk to her office when the voice stopped him. The world darkened around him, as if he was about to sneeze and his eyes were closing.

"It's a heavy burden, isn't it?" Queen Mab began from behind him. "Her shoulders seem a little slight, but perhaps together you're strong enough."

"Who the hell are you?" John snapped, turning around and pulling his sidearm. Even though the city had gone gray around him, she was in full color and obviously responsible.

The Queen smiled calmly as he pointed his pistol at her chest. She'd chosen to appear to him in the simple black dress she'd worn into exile. Her gray and black hair hung heavily over her shoulders onto her chest. "I did so hope she'd tell you," Mab shook her head slowly. "I am Queen Mab, you conceived your child at my festival."

"Okay," John said warily, keeping his gun leveled at her chest. If she was an ancient, a bullet wouldn't hurt her, but it did make him feel safer. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk," she offered as she opened her palms in a sign of friendship. "I've already visited your Elizabeth, but I gather she didn't mention it to you."

"She didn't want me to worry," John guessed as he tossed a look back towards Elizabeth in her office. She had her eyes closed and she was clinging to the edges of the crate that served as a desk. As he watched she stood up weakly, her face strained. "Elizabeth?" He kept the gun pointed loosely in Mab's direction, but he backed quickly into her office.

Elizabeth didn't see him. When she opened her eyes, she looked right through him and there was pain in her face.

"Why can't she see me?" he demanded, straightening his hold on the pistol.

Mab walked right up to it, letting him rest the barrel on her chest. "You're out of sync with her reality at the moment," she explained lightly.

"She's in pain," John realized, giving up on the gun as he turned back to Elizabeth. She was still clinging to the crate, as if she couldn't stand on her own. Her eyes twitched and then tightened. "She's in trouble," he worried, whirling back to Mab angrily. "Let me go."

Shaking her head, Mab suddenly grew brighter, as if she had sucked the light from the rest of the room. "I need you to listen to me," Mab commanded, her voice growing deeper as she spoke.

John turned away from her, watching as Elizabeth's skin grew pale. There was sweat on her forehead, catching in her hair. Something was wrong; her knuckles were too white, and she was too unsteady on her feet. "Not now!" he shut her down, feeling something crackle in the air between them. "I need to be with her, so let me go," he growled as rationally as he could.

"Do you know what you're protecting?" Mab asked him softly, teasing him with her voice.

Rushing to Elizabeth, his hands passed through her shoulders. Glaring his fury at Mab, he watched her approach as Elizabeth started to bite her lip. "Let me go," he demanded slowly, feeling the words tear out of his throat. "She needs me."

"My presence causes her pain," Mab explained darkly, moving closer to Elizabeth to prove her point.

Immediately, Elizabeth's eyes widened and one of her hands left the desk to clutch her stomach.

"Then leave!" John lashed out, shouting as his fist slammed into her chin.

To her own surprise, Mab felt blood run down her chin. Staring at it with vague amusement, she smiled at John and backed up a step from Elizabeth. "You are truly intriguing John Sheppard," she said thoughtfully, backing up further to allow Elizabeth the chance to breathe. "And you have no idea what power you hold."

"Just say what you need to say," he surrendered, nervously pacing just behind Elizabeth. She rocked in place, trying to manage the sudden agony in her abdomen. "Dammit, get it over with," John hissed again, clenching his teeth.

"You'd give it all up for her," Mab foretold quietly, still rubbing a trickle of blood from her chin. "Losing Earth didn't faze you; in fact the rest of the universe could fade from existence as long as you have her..."

John ignored her and watched the droplet of sweat race down Elizabeth's temple to catch in a curl of her hair.

"...you value yourself most in service to others but you have no idea what that will demand from you," she continued, as her smile blossomed proudly. "Nor do you care, do you?"

"I need to touch her," John begged but there was an ultimatum in his voice. "Don't make me..."

"Oh my dear Sheppard," Mab replied, cackling with laughter. "How long it's been since I encountered a creature like you. Go, take care of her, but...remember this, if you recall nothing else from our conversation; you know why you were born and why your path has led you to this place. Be strong in your heart."

* * *

Elizabeth was seconds away from calling for help over the radio when the pain stopped. As quickly as it had manifested, it was gone. Bewildered and exhausted she just stood there, resting her weight on her desk until John's hands startled her back to reality.

"You okay?" he asked with deep concern. His forehead was furrowed, tight with worry.

"Where did you?" Elizabeth started to ask before she realized she didn't care. The sudden attack was over and all she felt was numb. "I didn't see you."

"Who's Mab?" John wondered, waiting for her to let him guide her back to the chair.

Elizabeth sighed, feeling the air take the strength to stand out of her body along with it. "She's an Ancient," she responded softly, still clinging to the desk as her muscles started to give out. "She did something to us, made us conceive on Ceol." His hands ran gently down her back, making sure she remained steady. "Did she?"

"Appeared in my head," John answered grimly. "Hateful bitch, isn't she?"

A smile tore at her lips, surprising her slightly. "She's insane, but she's trying to tell us something," Elizabeth explained patiently as she pulled herself up, letting go of the crate that served as her desk. "There's some truth in her ramblings..." She reached for his forehead, trying to smooth the worry with her hand. "I think she's mostly harmless."

"She hurt you," John argued back, unwilling to let the Ancient woman off so easily. "She said her presence causes you pain," he admitted trying to remember anything else Mab had said that was useful.

"That seems to be the case," Elizabeth agreed, groaning slightly as she let him lead her back into the chair.

"Elizabeth?" he warned, still wanting to whisk her off to the infirmary and let Beckett run all the tests he could think of.

"I'm just tired," she offered softly, not quite believing it herself. "It's been a long day." She ran a hand through the curls on her head, letting them fall onto her shoulders. "Hasn't it?"

"Yeah," he agreed with open eyes and a quick nod of his head. "Tomorrow will be better."

"How do you...?"

"I don't know," John teased with a grin. "But it sounds better than worrying tomorrow will be horrible, doesn't it?"

"That's almost sweet," she sighed, leaning her head back against his stomach. Elizabeth closed her eyes, taking in the grounding smell of his skin through his shirt. "I don't know if I can do this," she murmured to his shirt. The fabric was soft, washed too many times already. "How are we going to take care of everyone? Keep them all safe?"

John was quiet as he bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"We don't have any backup," she reminded him darkly. "Hell, John we are the backup. If anything happens now, to the Daedalus or the Odyssey, we have to save them. The Athosians, our trade partners, every village, every town full of innocent people..." overwhelmed by the idea, she trailed off, unable to think about it anymore.

"You know, I hate to ruin the moment," John said lightly, drawing her out of her melancholy. "But we were their best hope before, and if you look on the bright side, we have a flying city now." He pointed to the starscape hanging outside the window. "It took the Wraith hundreds of years to even get the Ancients retreat from this city. We can get rid of the Replicators in less time than that. Think of the tactical advantage, we have McKay, Zelenka, and Carter...with the three of them and a few more stolen Replicator ships we'll be a fleet."

Circling the crate, John shut her computer and balanced his elbows on it. "Just think, for once the fleet of powerful spaceships descending from the sky will be the good guys," he promised her hopefully. "When we first came to Pegasus, Teyla showed me drawings on the wall of the ruins. The newer ones were all about the Wraith, but some of the older ones showed the Ancients. Atlantis used to be a beacon of hope for this entire galaxy. We can do that. We have three ZPMs, we can fly the city."

Standing up, he looked down at the gate and pictured all the planets he'd been to through it. "You wanted us to set an example," he reminded her, still feeling the passion in her desire to peace. "We're going to be hope," he promised both of them. "Hope with drones and energy weapons."

"Hope with energy weapons?" Elizabeth asked with a smile. Bending down to rescue her dishes from the floor, she stood up. A moment was all she had needed to recover temporarily, at least enough to get to bed.

"I'll get 'em tomorrow," John tilted his head towards the dishes and told her to leave them. "I don't know about you, but I could sleep all day."

"Do you remember what it's like to get enough sleep?" she asked softly, knowing he couldn't answer any more than she could.

"You still doing okay?" John worried, hoping the dark circles beneath her eyes would disappear sooner rather than later.

"I think we could have picked a better time," Elizabeth conceded softly, squeezing his hand in an attempt to stop his worry. "If we, hypothetically, ever do this again, can we pick the part of our lives when no one's trying to wipe us out of existence?"

John pretended to be crushed, lowering his eyes to his boots and refusing to meet her gaze. "So you're saying you don't want another child?"

"No, not that," Elizabeth tried to explain.

He brought up his head, grinning wickedly.

"Someone's always trying to kill us," she realized gently. "Okay...can I have shorter days next time? Maybe an assistant?"

He caught her arm and kissed her cheek. "I know this is terrible, but I hope you know, no one's ever..."

Watching her smile at him slowly didn't help him find the words he wanted. In fact, it make it harder to think.

"...I never thought anyone would do this for me," he stuttered, trying to find a way to explain it better. "I know it's awful for you, I mean, I can't really understand what it's like to feel like you're going to throw up all the time..."

"...it's all right John," she concluded for him, patting his hand as he kept it on her arm. "I'm all right."

"You look like hell," he retorted, wrapping an arm protectively around her back as he started to lead her out of her office.

"You're really not big on the sweet talking, are you?" she teased, trying to turn the subject away from her health.

"Sorry," he replied, wincing playfully when she glared at him.

"Sheppard, can I see you for a moment?" Ronon's voice echoed deeply through the radio. "Teyla and I have something. We need you in the chair room."

John nodded as he replied; "Be right down." He paused, meeting Elizabeth's eyes before he started to apologize.

She stopped him with a wave of her hand. "Go John, I'll see you when you come to bed," she said, understanding completely. "I'm sure it's important."

"You are important," he muttered softly enough that only she could hear him. "I'll be quick."

* * *

"...you want to do what?" John repeated, dumbfounded by Ronon's suggestion.

"The Replicators were built to fight the Wraith," Ronon explained slowly, turning his knife over in his hand as he leaned over the back of the throne chair. "I'm just saying we let them."

"It would not take much to convince the Wraith to attempt to attack Earth," Teyla agreed with Ronon. "They will rush to Earth as soon as I feed them the information."

"Okay," John ran a hand through his hair and paced the perimeter of chair room. "Let me get this straight, you want me to let you tell the Wraith how to increase their hyperdrive, so they can reach Earth."

"Earth's been completely lost to the Replicators," Ronon reminded him firmly. Turning around, he leaned back on the chair lazily. "And the Replicators fight Wraith, so we let 'em. Any chance to diminish the number of Wraith in the galaxy is one we have to take."

"Earth is-" John started nervously, still trying to wrap his head around what was happening.

"Gone," Ronon finished for him. "Dead and gone. If it were Sateda, you wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't hesitate."

"He is right John," Teyla put herself in the way of John's pacing. "Letting the Wraith and Replicators fight it out will reduce the numbers of both of our enemies." Staring into his eyes, she realized how little of his attention was in the room with her. His mind was wandering and he was exhausted. "We will come up with a plan and present it to you and Doctor Weir in the morning. I suggest you get some sleep."

"She keeping you up?" Ronon teased, creeping up behind John so he was surrounded.

"No," he defended himself weakly. Taking the moment to think, John sank to the edge of the chair platform, sighing as he rested his hands on his black pants. "Not really..."

"...but she is sick?" Teyla prodded, bending down to touch his shoulder.

Fidgeting with his bootlaces, John sighed before he looked up. "I don't know how she does it," he said, staring at the floor as he thought. Earth was gone. Nothing he, Rodney, or anyone else could do would bring it back. Standing up, he looked from Ronon to Teyla and nodded.

"It's a good idea," John finally conceded, putting aside the idea that he was letting the Wraith get to Earth. Earth was a smoking ball of rock and all that matters was that he kept the city safe. "Come up with a plan, bring it to me and Elizabeth, I'll make sure we have a staff meeting tomorrow so you can present it."

* * *

She made didn't even make it down the stairs before people needed her. Rodney wanted her to approve Jeannie joining his science team, and let him put her in charge of getting the civilian scientists who had just joined them up to speed. She had just dispatched him, admonishing him for staying up so late when Stackhouse needed to ask about the military situation.

He wanted a listing of all the people still coming from the alpha site on both ships. Some of the SGC personnel had a lot of experience and would be useful on their exploration teams. Integrating them with Pegasus teams was his first priority. After Stackhouse, it was Sergeant Ketterman, who needed to know what kind of schedule she wanted meals to be on for the rest of the week. Her eyes were glazing over and she was so tired she wasn't sure who was talking to her when the next one arrived.

"Elizabeth?" Simon began tentatively. "I thought you'd be in bed."

"Working on it," she replied as she tried to decide if she wanted to listen to what he had to say or not. Leaning towards the latter, Elizabeth stood up. The room swam a little, threatening to leave her vulnerable in front of him. "Can I do something for you?"

"I just..." Simon stopped, realizing how pathetic he must sound. "I just wanted to see how you were. I've been spending time with your surgeon, Carson, and his mother, and I was wondering if your mother was here."

"No," she answered sharply. Biting her lip hard enough to draw blood, Elizabeth sighed and forced herself to be civil. Simon had liked her mother. "She wasn't picked up by the Odyssey."

"God, Elizabeth, I'm sorry..." he exclaimed quickly, trying not to let the loss of yet another person destroy what little confidence he had left. "Are you?"

"I'm all right Simon," she took a step away from the crate holding her computer. "I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately." She couldn't tell him. That revelation was better saved for a day when she could tell him politely.

"Are you sure?" he pressed again, studying the greyish cast of her skin with professional concern.

"Though I appreciate it," she forced herself not to snap at him. "My health is really none of your concern."

"I know, I..." Simon started and then sighed heavily. "I just wanted to see someone I knew." He started to walk away, but turned back, testing his luck. "It was wrong of me, to tell you about her."

"I don't think the telling was the part you should be apologizing for," Elizabeth retorted, letting her words sting him. "Telling me about her, whoever she was, was the only right thing you did back on Earth."

"I never got to tell you," Simon began, changing the subject away from his indiscretions. "Your goodbye message..."

"Don't..." Elizabeth warned, raising her hand and trying to shut him down.

"...was beautiful," he finished softly. "I must have watched it, God, hundreds of times. And then, when I was sitting alone in the dark in our living room, I realized that I was in love with the video." Simon blocked the door of her office, keeping her from shoving him aside and ending the conversation. "For more than a year all I had of you were two video tapes. No letters, no phone calls, just two video tapes."

His head dropped and he stopped looking at her face. "I couldn't do that anymore," he offered as a poor excuse. "I wanted to touch someone, to come home and have someone be in my house." He ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the shaggy curls. "That wasn't you, even when we were in the same galaxy."

"Now you're being unfair," Elizabeth corrected him mercilessly. "You can't blame this on me. If you wanted to break up with me, you had the chance the moment you saw me again, but you brought me into your house. You made me dinner, acted like nothing had changed-"

"I should have come with you," Simon interrupted.

She dropped her hands to her chest, wrapping them tightly around herself.

"I was afraid of leaving Earth," he admitted when she wouldn't look at him. "You tried to tell me how wondrous this place was. Show me how exciting your life had become, but I couldn't go with you."

"What are you trying to say?" Elizabeth demanded angrily, still feeling rage rush through her body.

"I'm glad I'm here now," he whispered to the floor, still unable to find the strength to meet her eyes.

Her entire body was tight with rage, muscles straining against her skin. Her delicate fingers dug into her arm, crushing the flesh against the bone. "What do you want?"

Simon reached for her, taking a step closer to touch her arm. She didn't retreat as he expected, instead she just stood there letting his hand brush across her cheek. Elizabeth's skin was cold and clammy with exhaustion.

"When's the last time you slept?" Simon asked softly, concern finally breaking through his own thoughts.

"Doesn't matter," Elizabeth replied curtly, slowly removing his hand from her arm. Instead of holding it, she released it, letting it drop to his side. "Are you going to say something?"

"Are you sick Elizabeth?" Simon demanded without listening to her. The signs were there in the glazing of her eyes, and the grayish undertones of her skin. "You're barely standing."

"I'm not sick," she snapped, biting her tongue to make her voice less caustic. He was so close she could smell his cologne and the hint of unwashed skin. Elizabeth held her ground, keeping him from advancing any farther into her office. The scent of him twisted her stomach. She'd gotten used to the practicality of military officers; none of them wore any cologne to offend her newly delicate sense of smell.

"You can't keep your eyes still," Simon corrected her as he watched her struggle to keep her gaze level. "I am a doctor, Elizabeth."

"I just need to go back to my room," she insisted, trying to convince him to let her out of her office. Elizabeth sighed and tried to get past him. Her head pounded as her body protested her abuse. "Maybe we can talk tomorrow?"

"Elizabeth," Simon worried, catching her chin as she tried to leave her office and him behind. Forcing her to meet his gaze, he studied the dark circles in the skin beneath her eyes.

Shuddering involuntarily at the contact, she stared back. "I'm pregnant," she explained finally, watching her revelation cut into his reality.

His hand dropped from her face as if she had suddenly gotten too hot to touch. Simon backed up, inadvertently running the doorway. He turned away, retreating to the catwalk as he tried to pull himself together.

Elizabeth took the opportunity to walk past him, already more than finished with the conversation. Her feet protested along with her legs and it seemed every part of her was united in displeasure.

"I thought you didn't want children," Simon called after her finally.

There was a harshness in his voice she recognized as suffering. Stopping just before she entered the control room, Elizabeth paused thoughtfully. A year ago she would have been pleased to hurt him, considering the way he'd torn her heart out when he'd refused to join the expedition. Turning around to face him, she managed to smile wistfully. "Things change," she answered as she left him on the catwalk. "Like you said, I'm the one who likes to explore new things."

"You're not being fair," Simon complained to the empty air where she had been.

Elizabeth hurried through the control room, more than ready to be out of his sight. Her stomach was threatening rebellion again, and the last thing she was going to let Simon see her be any more vulnerable.

"Wait," he begged, finally catching up to her as she ducked into the transporter. Simon caught the door, keeping it open as he stared her down. "He- Sheppard- he's the father, isn't he?"

Crossing her arms firmly over her chest, Elizabeth didn't have to acknowledge the question. Simon got his answer from the ice in her eyes.

"You were right," she conceded, enjoying the desolate look that overtook his face. "I was gone a long time." The door to the transporter hissed shut, leaving her alone and trembling inside. She had no excuse to behave the way she did. Dropping her head to her hand, she knew she'd regret it eventually, but right now it was something she needed to do. At least, that was what Elizabeth kept telling herself all the way to her quarters.


	17. memorial

hr "...any questions?" Ronon waited half a moment before he slapped the table and stood up. "No, good, alright, we'll be back."

Teyla watched him with veiled amusement as she translated his meaning. "It will take almost two days to reach the territory of Michael's hive ship. We do not know how long it may take to contact them. Hopefully we will succeed in convincing them that Atlantis has gone renegade and is ready to give up the location of Earth..."

"Think rebel thoughts," John teased her as he fidgeted with the handle of his cup.

"We'll see your team on the Daedalus in an hour?" Caldwell checked as he started to stand. "If you'll excuse me, Sir, Ma'am," he paused and nodded to Jack and Elizabeth. "I have preparations to make before takeoff. My pilot hasn't taken off from a space station before." He glanced politely around the table and left the conference room.

"I assume you have a team prepared?" Jack asked Teyla as she too started to stand up.

"Ronon, one of Doctor Beckett'smedics, myself, and Colonel Sheppard volunteered to fly the jumper." Teyla answered quickly. "We thought keeping the team small would minimize the risk."

Jack coughed slightly before taking a sip of water from his cup. "I'm sorry, something in my throat," he excused easily. "It was thoughtful of you to volunteer, Colonel, but I'm going to send Major Lorne instead. Teyla, Ronon, I wish you well."

Elizabeth took her cue from the general. "You're all dismissed, thank you," she said as she stood slowly. Her hands stayed on the table; white fingers supporting her weight as she waited for her head to clear.

John had meant to let her get more sleep; start the meeting later in the day, but there was so much to do. She'd crawled into bed next to him last night and just lay there awake while he tried to finish his agenda for the day. He'd tried to talk, but she just wanted to put her head on his chest. He wasn't used to the quiet Elizabeth. The woman who only seemed to want to be near him; without speaking or even looking at his face, didn't seem to fit with the rest of her.

She touched his shoulder, smiling quietly before she left. It was a little gesture, her fingers against his arm, but it distracted him enough that he missed the glare he was getting from across the table.

"Colonel," Jack barked as John started to leave. "Have a seat."

Startled, John returned from the doorway and flopped into a chair. "Yes, Sir," he replied quickly and watched the general with confusion.

"Tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to volunteer to fly the jumper on this mission?" Jack demanded immediately after the doors sealed around them. "Actually, do it without the word 'thought' because I'm sure that was absent from your brain."

"I'm the best pilot we have, Sir," John defended himself without really know why he was under fire. His hands found their way into his lap as Jack circled behind him.

"What part of this mission is especially difficult to pilot?" Jack wondered innocently as he grabbed the back of the chair behind John's head.

Sitting forward in his chair, John started to doubt this was going to end well. "I just thought..."

"..you didn't think," Jack corrected again, more harshly than he needed too. "We covered that already."

Getting frustrated, John started out of his chair. Jack caught his shoulders and shoved him back down into the black chair.

"What do you want me to say?" Jack began softly as he circled to sit on the table and folded his hands apologetically before dropping them to his blue uniform. "When I have to look at your child and explain who you were, what do you want me to say? Got any special anecdotes you're fond of?"

"You think I'm going to die?" John returned as he stared up at the older man. He was expecting to find humor in Jack's brown eyes but there was none.

"How many jumpers have you lost to the Wraith?" Jack asked; watching as understanding started to come into John's face.

His eyebrows tightened and John finally began to get it.

"Other people can fly jumpers," Jack pointed out with iron calm. "Do you want other people keeping an eye on Elizabeth? Teaching your kid to walk?"

John waved him quiet as he stared down at the smooth glass surface of the table. He wondered why Elizabeth hadn't fought him. She'd always been too self-sacrificial and too quick to give up what she needed. "You're right," he admitted slowly. Feeling the weight of fatherhood settle hard around his shoulders, he leaned back in his chair.

"I'm sorry," Jack said as a peace offering. "I know where you're coming from. I'd love to fly the damn thing myself."

"But you're the head of the military, Sir," John replied as everything sunk in like a shotgun blast.

"And therefore, I never get to do anything fun," Jack complained as he fidgeted with the stylus for John's laptop. "You're functionally my second-in-command, and Elizabeth's military commander. You have no business out there; professionally or personally. I just wanted to knock it into your head. You can go, Colonel."

John slipped from his chair slowly, still trying to sort it out in his head. "Elizabeth told me what you asked her," he said to the door. Not quite ready to meet the general's eyes for that thought.

"Well," Jack began, dropping the stylus to the table with a clink. "Figured it was about time, and it gives us something to look forward to after the memorial service."

"I hate-" John started, "-funerals."

"-funerals," Jack finished with him. Shrugging as he swung his feet off the edge of the table, Jack tried to make the best of it. "Lost my dress uniform."

John managed to chuckle. "That's almost the best thing I've heard all morning, Sir," he agreed quietly. "Elizabeth's agonizing over her speech."

"She is that type," Jack complimented lightly as he bounced off the table. "The perfectionist-"

"-stoic, terrible at taking care of herself..." John's voice faded before he finished. "Everyone worries about her because she doesn't worry about herself."

"Doubt she knows it though," Jack added, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"She doesn't," John agreed finally. Scratching the back of his head helped him think. "Carter's looking better."

"She's tough," Jack replied with a grin of admiration. "Can't wait to get back to her ship."

"Any word on the rest of her team?" John asked as he opened the door into the hallway.

"SG-1?" Jack asked rhetorically. Grinning mysteriously, he moved out of the way of a group of civilians being herded somewhere down the hall. "SG-1 always turns up. Usually at the last minute, with something amazing."

John had to smile slightly in response; he'd read the mission reports. He glanced up towards Elizabeth's office. He could see her pacing around her desk, trying to work out the kinks of her speech. He'd tried to tell her that there was no standard for eulogizing an entire planet; that everyone just needed some closure and a chance to grieve. "Tonight?"

"My money's on tomorrow actually," Jack teased, turning away down a different hall towards the Artemis on the north pier. "Rodney's running a pool, takes an Earth artifact to get in."

"I have the last remaining Johnny Cash poster in my bag..." John offered as they parted ways. "I'll put it on tonight, oh-three hundred?"

"Done."

* * *

Elizabeth was back in her black commando uniform, but it only made her look smaller as she stood in front of the crowd of people. She'd picked the eastern pier, trying to find enough space for nine hundred people wasn't the easiest to work out, but she was fairly certain everyone could see her or the projection behind her.

Zelenka had somehow found the time to rig a projector to throw her image up on the inside of the shield. As he stood beside her, John couldn't help peering back at the Elizabeth hanging in the stars. It was a good look for her.

"Thank you for coming," she started softly, hearing her voice reverberate through the public address system. "I know how difficult this is for all of you. An hour can't go by without me thinking of Earth."

John watched her hands. Her fingers were wrapped around her father's watch; the silver chain dangling against her wrist.

"The weight of what we've lost is too heavy to bear alone," she continued, keeping her voice firm and level. "It may even be too heavy to bear together, but, we will carry it. I know it seems incomprehensible. That nine hundred feels too small of a number to possibly rebuild a society. And we won't be rebuilding." She closed her eyes for a moment, letting her eyelids chase the tears that stung her eyes.

"We can't pretend we can reclaim Earth, or reassemble all that existed of ten thousand years of existence. Our homes, our families, and our collective history as a people is gone. I know many of you want to follow it into the void. To give up now and never try to tackle our new challenge before it destroys what's left of us," she paused and took a deep breath.

"We have to stop thinking that way," Elizabeth demanded with more strength than John knew she had left. "We can't think of ourselves as the remnants of Earth. We are Atlantis. We are scientists, teachers, doctors, and soldiers; we are strong. We are united because this is our home. We came from many countries, many fractured nations on a troubled little world we called home. Now we are one. We can't let what we've lost drive us apart. In our grief, we are truly united because none of us can stand without those at our sides.

"There are creatures out there in the cold that will try to destroy us," Elizabeth reminded everyone as she pointed to the blackness of the space around them. "We've only just begun to learn the workings of this city and there a thousand secrets we will unlock on our journey. We will learn. We will grow and we will understand more about what makes us human.

"We have to let go of the idea that we survived out of luck, or the cruelty of fate," she commanded the hushed crowd. "We aren't alive because we're lucky, or because we're unlucky not to have died with the ones we loved. We are alive because humanity is too tough to go out without a fight. Because the light inside every one of us is too bright to be put out by machines. I want you to look around, see the faces of the people around you and see hope.

"We aren't refugees, castaways or the lost remnants of a dead civilization," she paused again, listening to the rustling of nine hundred heads turning. "We are the beginnings of a new world. Atlantis has been waiting ten thousand years for us. As you look up into the stars around us, know that many of those stars have planets with human populations. People decimated by a war that has been without end in this galaxy. We can stop this war. We can stop the Replicators, the Wraith, the Ori, and everything out there that could haunt our nightmares.

"When you look at yourselves, don't see survivors of Earth. See the saviors of the Pegasus Galaxy. Take your anger, your grief and despair, and feel the strength of your feelings. That strength flows in all of us, binding us together. Our loved ones that we've lost will always be with us, guiding our way on our new path and reminding us that we have a greater destiny. We may be of Earth, but we are Atlantis now and no power in the universe can take that from us."

Silence hung in the air when she stopped speaking; rushing all around them like a tangible thing. Elizabeth took a step back, letting go of the force that had kept her speaking. She seemed to get smaller, fading back into herself as she took John's hand. There was sweat on her palm and she seemed relieved when the projection of her disappeared from the sky.

John just nodded to her, completely dumbfounded by her eloquence. She closed her eyes for a moment when the applause started as if it surprised her. Her step towards him was unsteady and his arm was around her back before he even thought about it.

From her right, Jack and Sam joined the applause. There were tears in Sam's eyes and John remembered she'd lost her brother and his family. Jack just smiled proudly, as if he'd known exactly what she was going to say.

John caught sight of Rodney and Jeannie in the crowd. His niece was clinging to his neck and clapping slowly. Elizabeth's head dropped to his shoulder and he felt her sigh through the roar of applause. Squeezing her waist, John stood firm. He couldn't have said what she had, nor would he have believed it if anyone else had stood up there. His whisper was lost in the waves of sound, but she felt his lips against her ear.

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth let him take her weight. Her eyelashes were wet and she wondered when she had started to cry. Her mother was there watching; she'd felt her presence. John's hand wiped her face and remained on her cheek. "Goodbye mum," she whispered into the noise of shuffling feet and muffled voices. She couldn't hold on to her grief. There was too much at stake, too many lives around her that counted on her strength. "Keep an eye on me?"

John nuzzled her neck and his hand left her face to cradle her stomach. Her hand joined his, clinging to his fingers as she felt the weight of all of her responsibilities settle like a lump of lead into her stomach. She was Atlantis, her fears reminded her. Elizabeth was every person in that audience and a tiny part of her mind despaired that she'd never be just herself again.

"-love you," John's voice drifted into her ear, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. To him she'd always be Elizabeth, and she clung to that as fiercely as she held his fingers against her stomach.

* * *

Asgard transporters still startled him, John thought as he chided himself for jumping back from the light as it burst into the gate room. The white light faded into four figures. Teal'c was calm as he looked over the city. John had to remind himself the tall alien hadn't seen the city before. Jack and Sam were the welcoming committee as the little group dissolved in hugs. Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack before the general could even start to protest.

John recognized Colonel Cameron Mitchell from his short stay at the SGC. The fairly gorgeous brunette with them was also an alien. She'd been to Atlantis before with Daniel, when the archeologist had studied the ancient library. He couldn't remember her name as she nearly attacked Sam. He tried to imagine thinking he'd lost his team forever. He'd probably hug McKay if he came back from the dead.

"Good to see you again," John offered with a handshake to Mitchell.

For his part Cameron just grinned. "Thor took us to Earth, the Asgard wanted to test their new satellite weapon on the Replicators, but when we got there..."

"Huge battle!" Vala interjected excitedly as she peered around the gate room. "Wraith darts everywhere, Replicator ships falling from the sky..."

"...indeed," Teal'c added with a raised eyebrow. "It was quite impressive."

"Whatever you did," Daniel started gratefully, "Was a good plan. The losses on both sides were extensive."

John smiled softly, pleased with his team. "I'll make sure to pass it along when my team returns," he replied. "In the meantime, welcome to Atlantis..." he glanced and Teal'c before the rest of the team... "Again."

"Thank you," Cameron nodded as he sighed. "The Daniel Jackson is a great ship, but it just wasn't set up for long term human habitation."

"Retired Colonel Lorne is in charge is our acting quartermaster," John explained to Cameron as he watched Elizabeth arrive from her daily science briefing with Rodney and Zelenka. "She'll get you all set up with quarters as soon as she can. We're putting all the senior officers together in the east wing."

"It'll be nice to have my own bed, instead of a sleeping bag on the floor next to Jackson..." Cameron dropped his voice conspiratorially, "...he snores."

"So does McKay," John said, shrugging. "We have a lot of space, this city was designed to house thousands."

"How many did we save?" Cameron asked softly as he shook his head. "Never thought I'd be able to count the humans left alive."

"Or have them all in the same place," John agreed darkly. Elizabeth met his gaze across the room and he found the strength to smile. "But we're going to be alright."

"Yeah," Cameron said with as much conviction as he could muster in return. "Jack and Sam?"

"Together," John offered as he followed Cameron's gaze to their intertwined hands. "The fraternization rule's pretty much out the window."

"'Bout time," Cameron decided, smiling slightly as Jack met his stare with a wink. "I suppose everyone's going to pair off eventually."

John paused; he hadn't spent much time thinking about the future. He was with Elizabeth now and he realized it only made sense that everyone else would want to settle down as well. The rules would have to change with the times. "Guess so," he agreed without really committing. He should probably tell Cameron about Elizabeth now, before she walked over and gave him away.

"Teal'c and are going to have to get a move on before everyone is snapped up," Cameron said. He was teasing, but an undercurrent of truth ran through it. Vala was holding onto Daniel's arm, and he seemed to be enjoying the gesture. Sam and Jack were openly gazing longingly at each other, and something Sam had told Daniel made the archeologist beam as he kissed her cheek.

"Maybe we'll have to start having singles nights," John joked as lightly as he could. The seriousness was still there, but everyone was trying to keep it beneath the surface.

"General O'Neill mentioned you have a pretty successful movie night," Cameron lowered himself to the stairs with a sigh. "Any James Bond?"

"Star Wars is up next," John dropped to the stairs next to the other man and watched Elizabeth shake Teal'c's hand in welcome. "Would you believe she hasn't seen it?" He titled his head towards Elizabeth, smiling as she came their way.

"The big guy will be happy, he's a connoisseur of sci-fiction," Cameron pointed out as he inclined his head towards Teal'c.

"Colonel Mitchell, welcome back to Atlantis," Elizabeth offered, extending her hand down to him.

"Wish it was under better circumstances," Cameron replied, shaking her hand firmly. "Though it's certainly nice to be here, Ma'am."

Elizabeth nodded; even exhausted she was deeply proud of her city. She caught her forehead, giving away the nagging dizziness that had been bothering her since she'd gotten up. It seemed half the time he'd watched her today; she was clinging to something for balance.

Cameron looked down at her boots politely, pretending not to notice the look John gave her. Maybe he'd spent too much time watching the looks that weren't there between Sam and Jack; now he just saw relationships everywhere, but concern was naked on John's face.

Making room on the steps, he indicated the space next to him and offered up his hand. "How was your meeting?"

"McKay and Zelenka want to lead an attack on the Replicator home world," Elizabeth sighed heavily as she sank to the steps next to him. Her hair fell in dark curls around her head as she dropped it to her hands. "They heard about the Asgard satellite you were bringing and decided they need to wipe out the Replicators in order to get all the ZPMs and technology they might have on their home world."

"One thing at a time?" John asked quietly, smirking as he imagined Rodney's excitement. "I guess it didn't take them long to hear SG-1 was bringing home a new toy before they wanted to use it to destroy things."

"I thought we were all for destroying the Replicators?" Cameron wondered as he stared up at the ornate ceiling of the gate room. He folded his hands over his chest and lay back on the steps. "Probably should be doing it regardless. You can't make the argument letting the Replicators live is good for the galaxy. No matter what galaxy we're in."

"We lost Earth without provocation or warning," Elizabeth reminded him. John's hand slipped around her back, reminding her he'd support whatever she decided. "Though we've certainly been provoked now, I wanted to wait until all three ships were ready before coming up with a battle plan."

"I heard Carter bagged herself a command," Cameron teased, trying to lighten the mood as he stared over at Elizabeth's tired green eyes with new respect.

John scuffed his boot on the floor, still fidgeting as he sat. "The **Artemis** is a beautiful ship, Carter's lucky to have it."

"Amongst other things," Cameron added as he watched the general very publicly kiss Sam's cheek. "Well, thank you for the welcome; I'm going to go dig myself up some quarters to put my one bag of belongings in."

Elizabeth managed to smile at him as he left the steps, and Cameron nodded respectfully. "Doctor Jackson's making a list of things he wants to study," she whispered to John. Patting his hand on her side, Elizabeth tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"Colonel Mitchell's a good man," John returned as they watched Sam introduce Teal'c to Rodney's niece. Maddie did amazing things for Rodney; in the week she'd been with them John had already seen the changes in his friend. "Doctor Jackson's probably the biggest Ancient expert in the universe and General O'Neill and are still aren't sure who would win in a fight between Ronon and Teal'c."

"We're certainly collecting a lot of colonels," Elizabeth pointed out as she ran through them in her mind. "Caldwell, Emerson, Carter, Mitchell, you-"

"-Lorne's mom," John interjected, grinning foolishly. "Were you in the mess hall when Rodney tried to cut in front of her in the food line?"

Shaking her head slowly, Elizabeth clung to his smile.

"She made him do push-ups," John explained as he watched the crowd start to disperse from the middle of a gate room. "I guess you had to be there..." he lost his thought as dragged himself to his feet, feeling the toll of the last few days in his muscles. "...it might be something you want to keep in mind though," he remembered suddenly. "For when Rodney gets out of line."

"I'll keep it in mind," Elizabeth agreed as she waited for his hand and hoped he wouldn't pull her up too quickly. The speed didn't seem to matter when her head spun anyway from the change in elevation. Putting up her hand kept John from moving long enough for her to regain her balance. "Sorry," she offered quietly; rubbing the exhaustion out of her eyes.

"You okay?" he almost smiled at himself when he asked the redundant question.

"My head's just a little foggy today," Elizabeth excused weakly and forced a smile when he didn't like her explanation. "Don't suppose you want to sit in on my trade negotiations with Laden Radim?"

"Did Beckett clear you for off-world travel?" John jumped; surprised Carson wasn't being more protective.

"The Genii delegation arrives in ten minutes," Elizabeth assured him. "Don't worry John."

"Is this the meeting where you tell them we'll let them have P-90s if they'll let us use their factories to make them?" John remembered from the morning's agenda. "Maybe you want General O'Neill, he's better at this sort of thing..."

"I didn't think so," Elizabeth said demurely, shaking her head at him as she contemplated the steps up to her office. "See you for dinner?"

"Definitely!" John perked up, relieved to be freed from the meeting. "I'll pick you up at your office?"

Elizabeth stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Okay," she agreed softly. There was something in her eyes that made him pause before he left her side. John caught her chin and returned her kiss with a far superior one. Breathlessness was a state Elizabeth was entirely unused too, as were the incredulous looks from the other side of the gate room.

"Six, sharp?" John promised, winking as he swaggered past everyone in the gate room on top of the world.

Sam and Jack's footsteps echoed on the stairs as they followed her up to her office. "Is this a good time?" Sam ventured shyly.

Elizabeth checked the face of watch. "Seven minutes until the Genii," she said as she retreated to her chair. "Have a seat."

"Love what you've done with the place," Jack teased as he pulled up a crate. He patted his lap, offering it to Sam. She shook her head and pulled up a crate of her own.

"I know its short notice, but general-"

Jack coughed, interrupting Sam's habit.

"-Jack," she corrected herself with the same shy flush of color across her face. "And I think now might be the best time."

"We just need something to wear," Jack added, reaching across to take Sam's hand firmly into his own.

"The Athosians have been kind enough to help us find everything we need," Elizabeth said as she added a note on her list of things to request. "Woolsey's still with them if you want to go through him."

"I thought he'd come back?" Jack wondered. Playing with Sam's fingers as he talked made her glare at him until he stopped.

"He seems to need some time away from technology, after the Replicators and everything that happened," Elizabeth explained. Remembering how relieved Woolsey was to see trees and ground, she had been happy he'd found good friends in the Athosians. Both of them slipped out of focus for a moment when her eyes rebelled against her. When her vision corrected itself, Sam and Jack were both staring with concerned expressions.

"What?" Elizabeth asked innocently.

"You faded out there for a moment," Sam explained. Retrieving her hand from Jack's grasp, her gaze bored through Elizabeth's defenses.

"Feeling okay?" Jack coaxed as he pretended to be interested in his fingernails.

"Not for weeks," Elizabeth admitted bitterly as she stood up. The alarm announcing an incoming wormhole began just as Walter hurried over the catwalk to her office.

"Incoming wormhole, Ma'am," Walter began efficiently. "The Genii are a minute early."

"Thank you, Sergeant," Elizabeth said. Nodding to the little technician as he returned to his post, she pointed the way towards the conference room.

"You got Walter?" Jack asked as he elbowed her side gently. "Let me guess, one morning he just appeared in your control room, ready to go."

"Yesterday, when the Odyssey arrived," Elizabeth explained with a soft smile. "He told me it was his job, and he wanted to do it."

"He's the best DHD-jockey we have," Jack complimented as he followed her down the stairs towards the Genii delegation.

Grinning as Jack looked abandoned; "I'm going to go supervise the repairs on my ship," Sam said.

"Ever feel like no one wants to be with you?" Jack whispered conspiratorially to Elizabeth as the marines escorting the Genii lead them into the conference room.

"You get that too?" Elizabeth whispered back.

* * *

"I heard you needed something translated?" Doctor Jackson asked as he peered around the corner into Doctor Beckett's office.

"Aye, Daniel, come on in," Carson replied, waving him in. "I'm up to my ears in Ancient and I don't speak a word of it."

"What are you working on?" Daniel began as he pulled up a gray metal folding chair. Carson lifted his laptop from his legs and handed it over to the other man. "'The distribution of LK476 in the general population is controlled chromosome 23 and currently manifests as a recessive trait in forty-three percent of males and eight percent of females,'" he read from the laptop. "You need me to translate Ancient notes on genetic experimentation?"

Nodding quickly as he made his own notes on a second computer, Carson pointed to the next paragraph. "I think my patient was exposed to this experiment, or worse, she's become part of it," he explained as he waited for Daniel.

"'LK476 will become absent from the female population entirely as it becomes less likely to be expressed,'" Daniel continued to read. "'Early tests suggest is might be possible to reintroduce LK476 into the female phenotype through chromosomal manipulation and a carrier virus.'"

Snatching the laptop back as his face lit with excitement, Carson scrolled down through several years of notes as he tried to explain. "LK476 is what the Ancients dubbed what we call the ATA or the Ancient gene," he said as his fingers fly over the other keyboard. "In our current genetic structure it is incredibly rare; only thirteen original members of the expedition had it. Now that our population is considerably larger, I've been running tests on the nine hundred people on Atlantis now and only came up with forty-seven positives."

"Including Jack?" Daniel ventured.

"Aye, General O'Neill and Colonel Sheppard show the strongest expression," Carson began, pausing and turning away from his computer. "Some genes are expressed multiple times. I have what we call ATA, but based on these notes and my own blood, I only have two instances. Which is enough to turn things on or fly a jumper around, but not to have the same level of control either of them have. The retrovirus I invented to give someone the Ancient gene turns on between one and three instances."

"Jack has three?" Daniel asked as he took the laptop back and started translating the next section.

"O'Neill and Sheppard both have five," Carson looked over his blood samples data again and shook his head. "It would have taken me years, even decades, to figure out how to track the ATA on my own, but it seems completely routine to her."

Daniel looked up, amused by the tone of longing in the other man's voice. "Her?"

"Mauve," Carson explained shyly, leaning over Daniel's shoulder as he drew his attention to the personnel file open in the database behind the notes. "She was an Ancient geneticist thousands of years ago. Her eyes seem so intense."

Daniel kept his smile pointed at the laptop. "Scientists can be so passionate," he agreed as he went back to the notes. "These are a lot more technical. I'm not entirely sure I would understand this paragraph if you gave it to me in plain English. But the gist of it seems to be that her experiments were largely unsuccessful. In her projections, ATA becomes more and more rare."

"Which is unfortunately what happened to us," Carson sighed and took the laptop back. "Her notes get rather jumbled after this point so I don't know if you'll be able to help me."

Curious, Daniel raised his eyebrows and waited for the rest of the explanation.

"She went off the deep end a bit and disappeared," Carson finished with a shrug. "It was right before the end of the war with the Wraith, their record keeping wasn't the greatest."

"Does any of this help you?" Daniel asked as he looked around the infirmary. It was a brighter room than the cave in the SGC. Even with space outside them, Atlantis was full of beautiful windows and a warmer kind of lighting.

"Oh aye, thank you," Carson said gratefully, without looking up from his computer. "Can I call you back if I find something else?"

Daniel patted his shoulder as he stood to leave. "We're having a senior staff meeting after dinner," he paused and yawned into his hand, "Whenever that is."

"I can't help feeling like I'm going to get to sleep after the next apocalypse," Carson muttered darkly.

"We'll just have to hang on until then," Daniel replied as optimistically as he could. "I'll be down in the science lab."

Carson nodded but said nothing coherent as he kept studying. He didn't hear Daniel's footsteps as he left him alone to his work.

* * *

Elizabeth rubbed her head and stood slowly, feeling her legs protest at how long she'd kept them in the chair.

"That went well, didn't it?" Jack wondered at her elbow, watching as Laden Radim was escorted back to the gate room along with his aides and a few marines. "Have I mentioned how much more pleasant it is to listen to you talk instead of Woolsey?"

Smiling softly, Elizabeth heard him as if he was far away. "Thank you," she murmured softly, keeping her hands on the table as the room darkened slightly. "It is easier when the other party genuinely wants success." John would be disappointed. Negotiations had dragged on far past six, the face of her watch on the inside of her wrist read eight-thirty.

"Hungry?" Jack asked without expecting much of an answer as he stretched. He'd already invited the Genii to stay for dinner, but Laden was a head of state and quite busy.

Elizabeth nodded slowly, that was probably why her head felt so strange. Leaving the table seemed a bit tenuous at the moment, so she waited for her head to clear as she collected her materials. "John's going to be upset," she admitted to him sheepishly. "He's probably standing in the hallway."

"Pacing even," Jack added; his eyes glistening in amusement. "I'd be pacing. Though, I'd never admit it to Carter."

"Of course not," Elizabeth replied confidentially. She took a deep breath and let go of the table. If her stomach hadn't been so insistent on food, she would have been tempted to skip dinner and go straight to bed. She must have stumbled because Jack's hand immediately caught her elbow.

"Here," he suggested and wrapped her arm firmly around his own. "Give yourself a second or two."

"I'm okay," she insisted, even though his steadiness made the room seem warmer and less far away. "Just..."

"...its okay," Jack promised knowingly. "I've done pregnant before, not personally mind you because I'm lacking the right equipment and me in tears would scare everyone..." he waited a moment for her to smile, "...but I was there. I remember things."

"I'm dizzy," she conceded when he started walking, bringing them immediately to a halt. "It's not bad when I don't move, or try to move slowly and it's definitely better than being nauseated I just wish..."

"...you got to feel normal occasionally?" Jack finished for her sympathetically.

"Yes," she replied with a nod of her head Elizabeth immediately regretted when the room kept moving without her. "It would be nice."

Shrugging slightly, Jack reached for the door crystals. "It gets better second trimester. Sara got kinda perky, suddenly had a lot of energy for...um...things we'd been missing."

She couldn't help giggling. The conference room was fading out around the edges, and the reddish-gray walls were going black in her vision, but Elizabeth couldn't help laughing. "We might need less apocalypse to have enough time for that."

"Nasty business the end of the world, isn't it?" Jack asked softly, letting the question hang in the air as the door opened.

"Yeah," she responded automatically. The wall in front of her seemed very very far away. As if she could walk for years and never reach it. Jack's arm tugged her forward but her legs weren't listening. The foggy feeling in her head exploded into black and a wave of cold.

Jack felt her knees start to give as her weight on his arm doubled. He bent with her, catching most of her as she headed for the floor like a dead thing. "Dammit," he muttered to himself as he heard the footsteps hurry towards him. Laden and his escort had returned for something, he realized as Marines surrounded him.

"What happened?" Laden asked with concern.

"Medical team to conference room," One of the marines began over his radio.

"Oh scratch that," Jack ordered grumpily as he slipped an arm beneath her legs. "I'm not that old. I'll bring her, just tell Doctor Beckett he has incoming."

"Yes, Sir," the marine acknowledged as he amended his transmission. "Doctor Weir has collapsed-"

"-fainted," Jack corrected with a grunt as he dragged himself to his feet. It had been some time since he'd carried dead weight, but he was moderately pleased that her body wasn't too heavy for him. "She fainted, she's okay, just needs to learn the art of saying 'let's finish this tomorrow'."

"I am sorry General," Laden began to apologize as he caught up to Jack. "I had no idea she was ill."

"Oh she's not," Jack promised as he paused to shift her weight. Elizabeth's head rested against his shoulder and her arms hung limp from their sockets. "She'll be fine."

Laden peered at him, reading what was unsaid in his face. The Genii leader went a few meters with him in silence, waiting for the guards to be out of earshot. "I didn't think she was the family type," he assumed as he fell in step. "Now can't be the best time to be pregnant."

"No one said that," Jack said cautiously. He didn't really know how many people knew or how many people were supposed to know.

"I'm an observant man," Laden explained confidently. "Don't worry; we need your knowledge as much as you need our factories. I can't say I'm surprised, Sheppard's been her weakness for nearly as long as I've known her."

"Well let's try to keep this off the record," Jack said. Sweat was starting beneath his black t-shirt, but he was falling into a rhythm. "Shall we?"

Laden smiled, surprising the general with his amusement. "I'll be discreet," he promised as he turned to go. "And I think I'll bring a gift to the next set of talks."

Jack bit his lip and tackled the stairs at the end of the hall. Elizabeth was remained still in his arms, but he could feel the strength of her heart beating in her chest. He supposed they should have seen it coming. She was stubborn, that was why he'd fought so hard for her to keep her position. Good leaders were not always the best at taking care of themselves. In fact, he'd probably be in worse shape than Elizabeth was if he hadn't had Carter next to him for the last ten years at the SGC. Maybe that was why it was so easy to fall in love for both of them. Their lovers were the strength they counted on to keep them standing. How many times had Carter's smile dredged him up from his despair?

Beckett apprehended him as soon as he turned the corner into the infirmary. "What happened?" The doctor demanded. Already hovering over his patient, he led Jack to one of the few unoccupied beds.

"She fainted," Jack groaned as he set her down, feeling the aches in his muscles he wouldn't have had ten years ago. "Too much work, too little sleep."

"Did ye contact Colonel Sheppard?" Carson circled the bed, taking Elizabeth's pulse as he waited for the Ancient scanner to initialize.

* * *

John waited. He drummed his fingers on the table and waited as six became seven on the clock on the wall. He finished all of his paperwork, read reports and even got a head start on the next day's work. There was still no Elizabeth, so he waited. At just past seven someone dragged a chair across the floor and sat down beside him.

Sam dropped her tray to the table and started to eat listlessly. As she poked at her salad she looked over at him and caught his morose expression. "She'd be here if she could," she reminded him as she took a bite of bread.

"Negotiations take time," John agreed as he tried to ignore the delicious smell of her stew.

"You should eat," Sam suggested. Pointing at her own plate, she nudged her food with her fork. "It's good tonight."

Shrugging, he glanced over at the endless line of people getting dinner on the other side of the mess hall. "Line's moving all right," he offered without much enthusiasm. "That's usually a good sign. How are the ribs?"

Confusion flashed in her blue eyes before she realized what he was referring too. "They're all right," Sam smiled gently. "Your Doctor Beckett does good work."

"We like him," John said as he kept drumming his fingers on the table. "We'll keep him around."

Sam tossed her other piece of bread across the table without saying anything. John took it and stared at it for a moment before stuffing it into his mouth. He finished it faster than he expected and found himself staring longingly at the rest of her food. "See, pretty good," Sam teased him.

He stared at his watch again anxiously. "You'd think they'd take a break," he muttered with annoyance.

"They'll be here," Sam reminded him optimistically. Her stew was nearly gone and her fork scratched across the plate.

"Okay," John said. Standing up, he slipped into the line for dinner. Caught between a family with two young children and a set of Marines, he shuffled along as he watched Sam glance down at her watch as nervously as he had. Sergeant Ketterman gave him a grin as he passed him a plate. Nabbing an extra piece of bread to replace the one she had given him, he balanced his cup with his plate and returned.

Passing the bread across to her, John sank into his chair. He filled his fork with stew and stuffed it into his mouth. Juice ran warm and spicy down his throat and he smiled around the fork at Sam. His earpiece buzzed inside his ear, startling him as he started on his second bite.

"Sheppard?"

John wiped his mouth of his hand and hurried to answer. "Yes, Sir," he replied with a sigh.

"Don't mean to alarm you," Jack's voice started apologetically, "I need you down in the infirmary, Elizabeth's..."

His fork clattered against the plate before settling on the table and the chair teetered unsteadily at the speed he pushed it back. "I'll be right there," John replied in a rush. Feeling his heart beat in his throat, he broke into a run.


	18. in darkness

"Head hurt?" Ronon grunted, looking over concerned when Teyla closed her eyes again.

The medic Beckett had sent, Emily Wyatt, a slim woman with gentle brown eyes, shook her head as she looked over at Major Lorne. "Her visual responses a little slow," she began softly. "Like she's had a concussion. I can't tell much more without the city's resources."

Teyla nodded to Ronon as she listened to them talk. "It is all right," she insisted as she leaved back against the wall of the jumper. "Contacting the Wraith has always been difficult."

"I found a closer gate," Lorne said. Pointing at the HUD, he indicated a gate in orbit of a small, desolate planet. "No one's really watching anymore. They're all assembling for the jump to Earth. If I approach on the vertical..." The jumper swung in an arc, diving towards the planet.

Teyla's eyes opened for a moment, watching quietly as the vortex formed outside the jumper. Ronon studied her face, looking for the Wraith that had threatened to overcome her control.

"If the Wraith break through," she started grimly.

"I'll stop you," Ronon interrupted. Leaving his seat, he sat down next to her on the bench. "I'm good at that."

"You are," Teyla agreed. Her hand found his knee and squeezed reassuringly. "I felt Michael while I was in contact with the Wraith. He is still alive."

"He might be killed in the battle of Earth," Ronon said. Even with her eyes closed, Teyla could hear the hope in his voice.

"He was human," she argued, feeling the jumper enter the freezing cold of the wormhole. When it faded, autopilot brought the jumper slowly into the bay. "For a time, he thought and felt as we do."

"It doesn't mean I can't wish all Wraith dead," Ronon explained as he heard the jumper hatch open to the floor of the bay. He hauled her to her feet. Teyla found herself clumsy all of a sudden. The strength in the arm wrapped around her shoulders was enough to carry her all the way to the infirmary. She fought it, finding enough strength in her feet to carry her the rest of the way.

Something tickled her mind, dancing shadows across her vision. Teyla could hear Ronon's, Emily's and Lorne's steps behind her and abruptly, she realized she could feel their heartbeats. Major Lorne brushed past her and she felt the essence of his life. His skin crackled with it, like a cloud of energy.

Her stomach growled.

* * *

The general caught his elbow as soon as John circled the corner into the infirmary, pulling him to a halt. "Hey, slow down there!" Jack ordered.

"No, Sir," John disagreed. Biting his lip, he pulled his arm free. "Elizabeth..."

"...is fine," Jack insisted as he studied the panic in the younger man's face. The dried sweat in his hair started to itch. "She got tired and passed out," he steered John into a corner. "But she's doing all right. Don't yell."

Confusion won out through John's concern. "Sir?" he wondered.

"She knows," Jack explained quietly. "She's afraid and she feels badly enough. Nothing you say is going to change her behavior. So be nice."

John's green eyes barely registered the suggestion. His hand rested nervously on his hip. "Can I?"

"Yeah," Jack allowed, moving out of the way. "I'll keep things under control. I think I owe Carter an apology for being late for dinner."

John waited just long enough to be polite. "If that's all, Sir," he begged as he started towards the far end of infirmary.

"Dismissed," Jack said to his retreating back. Scratching his head, he wondered if he'd been so intractable when he was younger. Deciding he'd never been nearly that bull-headed, he waited for Major Lorne's team to emerge from the hallway. Straightening his back, he wondered how much pain he'd be in tomorrow. He'd have to give Elizabeth a hard time.

Footsteps behind him started him, turning around he found Sam with a tray in her hands. "I thought you might have forgotten where the mess hall was," she teased as she set it down on a desk. "Brought something for Colonel Sheppard too, he abandoned his in a hurry."

"He's young," Jack explained as he attacked the cover over the plate. "What is it?"

"Stew?" Sam said, shrugging. "It's good, better than yesterday."

"And you?" he asked and retrieved his fork from edge of the metal tray. "Better than yesterday?"

"Sore," Sam admitted. Pulling over a chair, she sat down next to him as he wolfed down his dinner. "But I'll live. It's healing."

"Uh-huh," Jack paused and reached for the sealed metal thermos on the tray. Sniffing it, he smiled. "You're spoiling me."

"You're what I have left," Sam explained softly, staring at his hands as he ate. She knew some of the lines on his hands and all of the lines on his face. He was the most familiar thing she had.

Jack set down the thermos and reached for her hand. Capturing it, he dragged it back to his lap and kept it as he continued to eat. "Did I tell you she agreed?" he muttered around a mouthful of stew.

She passed him a piece of bread from her pocket, unwrapping the paper as she handed it too him. "Good," Sam replied quickly, dazzling him with the ease of her smile. "Doctor Weir didn't try to convince you to stay?"

Licking his fork clean, he left it on the tray. Jack looked her dead on and she saw the twinkle in his eyes. "Well," he paused and leaned forward conspiratorially. "I didn't say she didn't, I just pointed out there was a better man for the job."

Sam retracted the bread, laughing as he started to pout. "I thought you were going to stay out of the matchmaking business," she teased as she threatened to take a bite out of it.

"I said I'd leave Daniel alone," he corrected as he expertly snatched the bread back. "Don't remember anything about anyone else."

Shaking her head as she stood up, Sam appeared to be leaving. Grabbing her sleeve, he pulled her down towards him. In the lonely quiet of his corner of the infirmary, no one saw Jack bring his lips to hers.

Blushing slightly as she pulled away, Sam couldn't help still feeling the pang of worry. She had to remind herself that those regulations were gone, and the wetness of Jack's mouth was no longer forbidden. Her body still tingled as if it were.

* * *

She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, feet hanging over the side. Elizabeth stared down at her black boots and marveled at her chief surgeon's ability to make her feel seven years old again. She'd seen his wrath demonstrated on John and the rest of his team, but she hadn't expected to be on the receiving end.

Lecturing as he forced her to look at her vitals, Carson oozed anxious concern. "Would you look at your blood pressure?" he demanded and pointed at the numbers. "It's twenty points too high. Your electrolytes are unbalanced; your immune response is all over the map and you bloody well think you can just keep going. Work sixteen hour days. Skip meals..."

"I'm sorry," she replied softly without looking up from her fingers.

"I don't want you to be sorry, Elizabeth," Carson's tone cut through the infirmary like a blast of cold air. "I want you to be careful," He warmed slightly when she cringed. "You need to be responsible for more than yourself. I'm putting you on a restricted schedule, just for a week or two until you start to feel better. I'm giving a copy to General O'Neill and Colonel Sheppard. If that's not enough, I'll give it to Rodney and make sure everyone in the bloody city knows when you're supposed to go off duty."

"Thank you," Elizabeth finished simply. She looked up long enough to meet his eyes and calm him with a hand on her arm. "I'll be careful, Carson."

"Good," he said, sighing as his anger left him.

John took the moment's pause to silently make his way to her side. Her hand covered his as he rested it on the bed by her hip. "Shorter shifts?" he began without prelude. He wondered if the general was right and she'd already been chastised enough. Her fingers were cold, but firm as they gripped his hand.

"I'm letting you have eight hours," Carson explained as he stared at the display. "I want you to take an hour off for lunch, try and have an eight hour day. I know there's no stopping you from working when you get back to your quarters..."

Elizabeth's exhausted green eyes meet John's, desperate for something other than disapproval. He managed to smile; trying to imagine her cutting her days back to eight hours was like trying to imagine Rodney sucking a lemon. He wasn't sure Elizabeth had ever only worked eight hours in her life.

"Try to take it easy at night," Carson coaxed gently. "Work in bed if you have to, but..."

"...take it easy," John finished for the doctor. "Got it. Can you," he paused, feeling foolish as he asked for it. "Just give us a moment?"

"I have an analysis of Elizabeth's blood work to run," Carson explained. Relieved that John shared his concern, he wondered if his patient would respond better to him. "But it could take some time. Your vitals still aren't what I'd like, but they're better." He patted her shoulder. "Go home. I'll find you tomorrow and tell ye what I've found."

Playfully trying to keep from being more bitter than was necessary, she managed a feeble attempt at a smile. "Thank you, Carson."

"Take care of yourself now," he ordered again. John shared a serious glance and the doctor wondered if he was getting away while he could.

John found it was difficult to smile back. A moment ago his heart had been pounding in his throat at the mere idea of her being in trouble. Now he needed it to be quiet long enough for him to be reasonable for her. Suddenly, he couldn't help wishing Teyla would walk in that door and finish his thoughts for him. "Hey," he said finally.

"I'm okay," she reassured him before he even had to ask. "I'm still a little dizzy, but it's a lot better since I got here. I just feel so stupid because I..."

"...passed out?" John interrupted. He pulled himself up on the bed next to her. "Or is your ego intact enough for fainted?"

"Both are pretty bad, aren't they?" she wondered. Rolling her head on her shoulders took some of the tension out of her neck. "I'm sorry if I...if you were doing something important."

"Dinner," John explained simply. "I waited, then Carter said we should just give up." His eyes wandered over the display of her vitals, and the more confusing blood work on the display next to it. "Figured she'd had more experience than I have."

"Did you eat?" she wondered apologetically. She hadn't thought he'd wait that long and chided herself for keeping him from his meal. "I thought you'd..."

"I'll find something," John promised and waved off her apology. "You're really okay?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth lied and then laughed at his smile. Scratching a hand through her dark curls, she met his eyes and conceded. "I'll live."

Walking to the transporter with him a few minutes later, she let the doors close out the city. Staying in the corridor would have only invited more people to talk to her and she'd had enough of housing complaints, clothing shortages and the growing unrest surrounding the cafeteria schedules. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the wall.

"I want you in bed," he ordered seriously when the transporter stopped near their quarters.

She giggled as he led her out of the transporter. Repeating it barely audibly to herself, she made him wince as he realized how it sounded. "I'm probably not up to that," Elizabeth teased dryly; enjoying the flush running over his face.

John shrugged and waved his free hand in front of the blue crystals for their door. "We have a sign," he pointed out before the door slid away. "Ronon decided it really just needed your name..."

She wouldn't have noticed it without his prompting. As it was, she barely caught the black block letters spelling her last name before the door slid away. "It's nice," Elizabeth replied softly. Her giggling faded and the idea of bed didn't seem that terrible anymore. Sitting on the edge as she ripped off her boots, she watched him turn on the computer that had been sitting on the windowsill.

"Work?" she asked, slightly surprised.

"I work," he replied in mock indignation.

"I didn't mean..."

"Somehow you being pregnant doesn't make my days any shorter," John complained mildly as he settled down on the floor next to the bed. "I thought if I didn't have to report to the IOA I'd have less paperwork...this is not the case."

His grumbling made her smile. "What are you working on?" she wondered as he lifted up the computer for her to see.

"Teyla and Lorne asked me to look over the data they collected about what our refugees used to do," he explained. John pulled himself up to the bed and pointed out the file he had open. "Some of them might make good team members. Susanna Foster was a police officer on Earth, which means weapons training, teamwork..."

"Police work is good preparation for traveling off-world and fighting the Wraith?" she asked, puzzled by his logic. She toyed with her hair, running her fingers through lazy curls.

Distracted watching her hair; it took John some time before he realized there had been a question. He brushed his thumb sheepishly across his lips. "More than being a librarian or an accountant," he reminded her. "I've spent hours looking over career histories. A few have training or military experience, but they're rare. There are nearly one hundred fifty children and a hundred more senior citizens."

Slipping her hand up to her temples, she rubbed them slowly. "In tribes of nomads the old teach the young," Elizabeth remarked. Letting her eyes wander their quarters she wondered how much their society would have to adjust. How long of a childhood would their children get now? What age was too young to ask them to become soldiers?

"Maybe you passed out because you worry too much," John suggested playfully. Hoping he could draw her out of her thoughts, he returned the computer back to the windowsill and reached for her shoulders. "We'll make it."

"We'll make it," she repeated softly. "That's the John Sheppard plan of action?"

Surprising her with his breath on the back of her neck, he slid over the bed and sat directly behind her. "Yeah," he agreed. "Well, more like the John Sheppard projected outcome."

"The Genii will be able to take up a lot of our manufacturing needs," Elizabeth said after a pause. Changing the subject back to one she didn't have to feel so helpless, she let herself lean back against him. "Ladon's scientists were almost drooling at the idea of getting their hands on some of our technology."

"You're advancing them what..." he paused and tried to place the level he'd seen on their home world, "...forty years or more? Beginning of the cold war to what we know about the Ancients." He tried to resist the urge to play with her hair.

"We need allies," Elizabeth responded with bitter desperation. "We can't make it on our own, even in this city with all this technology..." she trailed off, turning towards his shoulder. "Nine hundred people isn't enough. We'll need the Genii, the Athosians and anyone else we can sway to our side. We don't even have a planet anymore."

His hands were strong on the taunt muscles on the back of her neck as he worked the tension from them. "Pick a planet," he suggested softly. "There's a lot of them out there. New Athos is all right."

"Is it better than where we started?" she asked. Closing her eyes let them rest for a precious moment. "Maybe we should just land again and barricade the fort. Maybe they won't come..."

"...maybe," he couldn't sound like he believed her. "Mitchell and Doctor Jackson brought us that weapons platform from the Asgard. We should get our fleet ready to go and take them out, every last nanite."

"John-"

"Us or them," he laid out simply. "They wiped us out, but the majority of their fleet is still in orbit of the smoking crater that was once our planet. If we take out their shipyards we remove their ability to increase their numbers..."

"...for now," Elizabeth injected. Shaking her head slowly, she met his eyes. "They found a way before."

"They might have more ships," John argued optimistically. "The Artemis is decades ahead of anything we can come up with. We don't exactly have a shipyard anymore; we should steal what we can so that when they or the Wraith or someone else comes for us, we can kill them."

"Us against the universe?" she wondered darkly, struggling to match his optimism and failing completely.

"Yeah," John agreed too quickly. The darkness deepened in her eyes and he immediately felt the stab of guilt in his stomach. "Not that extreme...I mean..." pausing helplessly, he stared her down, "...we'll make it."

They sat in silence while he tried to come up with a better way to convince her. John's mind failed him and he wondered if he was as exhausted as she was. Dealing with the Wraith as a constant threat had been one thing, this was entirely different. He felt like he was stuck being camp leader, part of the UN and military genius all at the same time. He still couldn't imagine how much work it was to be her. He stopped fidgeting with the sheet on the bed and whipped his head up to look at her when she spoke.

"Jack turned me down," she admitted heavily. The weight of the city felt like lead in her chest as she sighed. "He wants to go with Colonel Carter on the Artemis."

"Can't blame him," John replied lightly. He let go of her shoulders and returned to his computer. "I can't imagine being in love that long and not being about to do anything about it."

She closed her eyes, but she couldn't find the words to ask him. It wasn't her place. If she asked him to leave his team she wouldn't be asking him as the leader of Atlantis. Lying down on the bed beside him, Elizabeth knew in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't ask. The ceiling hung lazily over her head, twinkling in the light of the stars outside the window.

He got through three pages of work before he realized she was asleep.

* * *

Carson scraped his cup across the desk towards him and kept reading. The rich aroma of coffee pervaded the cafeteria as the night shift cook brought out another pot and set it next to them.

Beside him, Daniel dug into his piece of cake and peered over his shoulder. "She's completely obsessed," Daniel pointed out as he licked his fork clean. "Her personal logs are blending with her work notes."

"Aye," Carson agreed. Daniel's nudge on his shoulder reminded him that he had his own cake. Private Samara usually kept a stash of treats for anyone who had to be up all night working. After the first hour, she'd left the cake pan on their table and wished them luck. "But I..." he paused, yawning into his cup before he took a sip.

"You understand," Daniel finished for him. "I can't say I haven't done that on occasion."

"You can't hack into Ancient computers and expect them to do whatever you want," Radek Zelenka's voice carried angrily down the hallway into the cafeteria.

Making a beeline for the coffee, Rodney kept shaking his head. "I'm not hacking..." He trailed off, smelling the cake. "...cake!" Taking the coffee pot and cup with him as he turned, he pulled up a chair and snatched the pan.

"You're hacking," Radek argued and flopped into a chair next to him. "You're attacking a delicate system with a battleaxe and expecting it to respond to your commands."

Carson barely looked up from his notes, but rolled his eyes at his colleagues over the computer screen. Daniel gave them more respect.

"You're doing something with the computer?" he fished politely, taking the cake back from Rodney and offering it to the Czech scientist.

"Thank you," Radek replied with a smile before turning his glower back to Rodney. "He got into some kind of intuitive control system. Something only the Ancients were able to access before the Replicators took over, now he's playing God..."

"...I'm trying to make the city a better place for everyone!" Rodney exclaimed. Licking chocolate frosting from his fingers, he set down his cake long enough to gesticulate his way through his point. "We need food, clothing, weapons and medical supplies...now..." he glared back at Radek, "...the city must have been able to provide these things with a minimal investment of raw materials. It survived a siege that lasted a century..."

"We were just starting to get somewhere and bam! We ran into firewall," Radek explained as he mimed slamming his hands into a wall. "Rodney thinks he can hack his way in..."

"I doubt any Ancient system would be that-" Carson began sarcastically.

"Simple?" Daniel offered.

"-easy..." Carson finished as he stared over his coffee at Rodney. "You'll never get in that way. It's probably like the chair; John had to get through the firewall mentally."

"It's not that easy," Rodney argued as he drank the last of his coffee and poured another cup. "I tried. Radek and I found the right terminal, we both tried it, it won't accept us."

For a moment, he heard a voice whisper in his ear, as light as the whisper of a ghost on the wind. Daniel jumped slightly, feeling the cold fingers on his spine. The voice had a suggestion. She knew something. Curious, he asked what she bid him. "Do you think the city is still tied to Helia?" He asked as he ran the thought over in his head. "It would make sense," he realized on his own. "Ten thousand years ago Atlantis was run by a council of three: a military commander, a governor, and a steward. The steward was the voice of the people."

The rest of the faces at the table looked at him in confusion but Daniel kept going. "She would have reinstated that kind of government. The other two are dead...but the city must be waiting for her mind to release control to the next government."

"John got through the firewall," Rodney reminded him. "He turned most of the systems we just got into on in the first place."

"John's a pilot," Radek muttered over his plate of sweet-smelling cake. "He's certainly not a council member. He was just trying to get the city to fly-"

"We need Helia," Rodney suddenly agreed with Daniel. "It makes sense, if she releases the city, Elizabeth..."

"Helia's in a coma," Carson reminded everyone over his computer. "i don't see what you're going to be able to do. I can't even say for sure she'll ever come out of it. I've never seen that kind of neurological damage."

"You have to come up with something!" Rodney insisted as he stared across at the doctor. "There are parts of the computer system that may never come online if we can't get through the last firewall."

"I can't make people snap out of comas with my fingers," Carson snapped more harshly than he intended. After a moment he retracted his tone. "Right now I need to figure out this virus, I promise Helia's being well cared for."

"We know," Radek said for both of them. "We will find a way, won't we Rodney?"

Realizing what he was taking Carson away from, Rodney relented. "We'll find it," he added. "Any progress on the virus?"

"As far as we can tell ATA or LK476 as Mauve calls it, is a double-recessive sex-linked trait," Carson explained patiently. "It's a lot like being colorblind, if you get any other genes except the right ones, you can see color."

"It has levels," Daniel piped up as Rodney refilled his coffee. "Some people have more instances than others."

"What I am?" Rodney wondered as he looked back to Carson.

"It's not that simple..." Carson began to protest before giving up. "In the crudest sense, you're a three," he answered with a slight smile. "I'm a two. Major Lorne and his father are also threes like you."

"Colonel Sheppard?" Radek asked as he demolished the last of his cake and started a second piece.

"General O'Neill and John have the highest 'level'," he answered as he stretched his hands. "The two of them and Captain Helia all have five."

"And Elizabeth?" Rodney pried a little deeper. "How did her blood turn out?"

"That's what we've been trying to figure out," Carson finished with a heavy sigh. "Not all walls are in computers."

* * *

"Busy?" Sam started gently. He was sitting alone on the balcony outside of command. She'd needed the life-signs detector just to find him.

John tilted up his head, startled at her presence. "No," he admitted cautiously. He'd come outside to think when his paperwork was done and his place in bed next to Elizabeth hadn't yielded any rest.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful," Sam offered as she sank down on the floor next to him. She still moved slowly, but her broken ribs were only a nagging twinge now when she moved. "All those stars and nothing between us at all. It seems like I could throw something and hit one." Smiling slightly as she leaned over to him, she leaned back. "Except for the immensely complicated force field."

"There's that," John agreed.

"I was always in such a hurry to get to the stars," Sam began thoughtfully. "I'd look up at them when I was a kid and wish I was there...far far away from my backyard..." her voice broke slightly and John felt the fresh pain in her tone. "I still can't believe I'll never see those stars again."

"There was a place in Antarctica," he offered in returned, keeping his eyes away from the tears he knew had to be on her face. "Where if you sat on the ice at night, you felt like you were the only person in the universe it was so quiet." Sighing, John dragged a hand through his hair. "Sometimes I miss that."

"I never thought I'd get used to the stars here," John offered as gently as he could. Smiling slightly, he touched her foot with his. "They just looked weird at first."

"Like the sky was scrambled?" She teased, forcing herself to smile.

"Gets better," John promised as optimistically as he could. The pause that followed was comfortable. The kind of silence he liked.

"I need General O'Neill-" Sam bit her lip and corrected herself, "-Jack on my ship. I've been trying to...get over...find a way..." finally she stopped trying to speak and shook her head. "He's all I have left."

"It's not..." he felt his tongue trip him, "...I don't...my dad and I aren't close."

"I thought mine hated me after my mom died," Sam admitted as she dropped her hand to his shoulder. "Doesn't mean I don't want to be a parent someday."

"Someday turns into today faster than you think," John pointed out without moving her hand. "Faster than I thought anyway."

"But you love her," Sam said for him. "I saw that."

"I've never really been subtle," he replied as he studied the smooth floor of the balcony. Looking back up at the stars, he sighed again. "I want it to be right. No one asks to be born after the apocalypse."

"You said the stars took some getting used to," Sam reminded him as she turned to meet his eyes. "Now they look like home, don't they?"

"Yeah," John admitted after enjoying the silence. "It is home, now." Pointing at the trail a piece of space dust left on the forcefield, he grinned at her playfully. "Want me to bring a shotgun to the wedding? Just in case?"

Sam started to giggle, making his smile brighten. "Teal'c still has his ZAT."

* * *

She'd been dreaming, like she had when the Wraith had been in the city. Teyla ran through darkened corridors, feeling her breath hiss in her chest. She hungered. There were creatures all around her, things she could feed upon, but she dared not give herself away. They'd find her; these things of flesh and energy.

She ducked around a corner, narrowly missing the sight of one of the numerous patrols. How long had they been looking for her? How long before she ran out of places to hide? There was glass around the corner. One of the windows lent life to her pale reflection. Teyla stopped dead, admiring herself the way a lion might pause before a pool of water. In the glass between her and space she was tall, strong and pale. She was a predator, strong and without mercy. Her cold eyes oozed black in the pits between the bones of her face.

She knew that face. She had seen the cold sneer on his lip when he turned to her like a piece of meat.

Hands banged against her door, summoning her from the dream. Teyla tried to wake up, but she had no power. Her body moved on it's own. As she walked past the mirror for a moment she thought she was still dreaming. Michael's face stared at her from the from the wall of her bathroom. When she opened the door, he spoke.

"I am sorry," he said in her voice. "I was asleep."

"Rodney and some doctor want you," Ronon grunted with a yawn of his own. "Been trying to get you on the radio."

Teyla tried to say something or do anything to fight the darkness inside of her. Michael's presence filled her like oil, slithering into all of her muscles. He grabbed her jacket from the hook on the wall.

"We shouldn't keep them waiting," Michael purred and slipped past Ronon into the hallway.

Ronon might have noticed the slight change in her speech if it had been later. Four hundred hours in Earth time was something everyone tried to avoid. He fell in step beside her, carrying on a conversation with Michael she couldn't bear to listen too.

Focusing her mind in a Herculean feat of strength, Teyla managed to take back her left foot just long enough to make her trip up the stairs in the hall.

Ronon's hand caught her before she fell more than a fraction of a meter. "Clumsy..." he teased with a toothy grin.

Michael smiled and licked her tongue across her lips. "I was making sure you were paying attention," he replied. Cringing as she shared his hunger, Teyla watched her friend's eyes soften with amusement.

The stranger next to Rodney must have been the doctor Ronon had mentioned. He wore a simple white coat over his Earth clothes and had unruly dark hair that fell just above his shoulders. He looked as exhausted and unkempt as Rodney. Neither man had shaved in over a day and stubble was dark on their faces.

"Teyla," Rodney called and waved her over. "Good, we need you." He motioned towards a bed.

The doctor was more polite. "I'm Simon, Doctor Wallace," he introduced himself and extended his hand. Pulling it back apologetically when Michael didn't take it, he smiled nervously. "Sorry, old habits..."

Instead of shaking his hand, Teyla felt her lips being forced into a smile. "It is of no consequence," Michael offered politely. "How may I help you Doctor Wallace?"

"Simon would be fine," he replied, running a nervous hand through slightly greasy hair. "We need your abilities. Captain Helia is dying, her EKG's fallen several points in the last few hours. Doctor McKay-"

"-There are things in her mind we need," Rodney interrupted anxiously. "Codes and secrets we may never be able to get our hands on again. I know it's a long shot, but you're the closest thing we have to a mind reader..."

"I have connected to the Wraith," Teyla heard her voice say. Michael's desire burned in her stomach. His hunger boiled up like a poisonous thing inside of her. "I have never attempted a human and certainly not an Ancestor."

"I think I can help you," Rodney explained with proud excitement. His eyes shone as he crossed to a table holding an Ancient device. "We found this in the medical storage bay. It seems to be some kind of..."

"...amplifier," Simon interjected before Rodney was able to jump into the technical details. "We believe it amplifies the natural abilities of a human mind. There's a slight danger."

"Yes, yes," Rodney started impatiently as he lifted the simple metal circlet. It was the same green as some of the walls of city and fairly harmless looking in his hands. "It's an untested piece of Ancient equipment, that's why you're here. You're a doctor."

"Helia doesn't have much time," Simon explained with a heaviness in his voice. He didn't understand everything. Just that the petite blonde woman on the bed by his left hand had been tortured in ways so horrible they had left her comatose and failing.

Michael's hunger surged within her like a living thing and for a moment Teyla lost herself in it. She wanted what he did. She needed to feed. "I will do what I can," she listened to herself agree.

"Great!" Rodney said as he turned his back. Calling up something complex on the computer terminal, his mind was already working when he looked at her again. "It should be simple, a numerical sequence, some kind of password..." his eyes flashed with hope. "Anything could be a clue."

Teyla heard leather rustle as Ronon took up his place at her side. Through everything the warmth of his hand on her shoulder was the one thing she knew Michael couldn't corrupt. It was Michael who lay her body down on the bed next to Helia and him who smiled up at Simon to reassure him. "I will be all right," he promised with her lips. "I survived contact with the Wraith, how much danger can there be in a single woman?"

Teyla felt the malice no one else could. The hunger blazed into a fire stronger than anything she had felt. It ran through her veins like acid, demanding what little life was left in the body across from her. She didn't know what was happening when Michael let them slip the circlet on her head.

It only took a moment for him to accomplish what had taken her hours of meditation. Helia's mind allowed him in as easily as if she had opened a door. In an instant, she felt like she was dreaming again. Helia stood before her. A pale figure in a circle of blackness that stared at her with exhausted eyes.

"What do you want?" Helia asked softly, her words sounding hollow in the void.

"We need the code for the city," Teyla said on her own. Somehow she was separate. In the transfer to Helia's mind she had become free of Michael and the sound of her voice now startled her.

Michael leapt from behind her, flying forward and knocking Helia to the black ground. The other woman didn't even jump. "Give it to us," Michael growled as he ran one fingernail down Helia's pale cheek.

The Ancient captain stared up at Teyla with an emptiness that froze the hunger she'd felt a moment ago. Teyla had seen that emptiness before in those who had watched worlds fall to the Wraith. Helia had no fight left.

Teyla tried to move. She could fight; she could give Michael everything she had and make him work for the life force he wanted. Her feet were rooted into the blackness. Her hands were locked to her sides as if they had been carved from stone. Her voice, it seemed, was all she had. "Don't Michael..." she pleaded.

Michael only looked up for a moment before he took the kill. He slammed his hand down on Helia's chest and fed. His victim only sighed before succumbing. Her hair faded to gray as her skin shriveled away. Helia's eyes went deader before going out but the only sound she made was a wistful sigh.

As the horrible scene finished before her, Michael stood. He lifted his hand and licked red blood from his flesh with a pale tongue. "Too easy..."

Teyla woke in the same nightmare. Michael's presence filled her like a disease, pervading every fiber of her being. He sat them up and made her watch as Simon pulled the blanket over Helia's sightless eyes. "Her command code..." he began to explain as Rodney typed it quickly into the computer. The swirling display of color flashed to pure white before growing still.

Rodney laughed; his excitement couldn't be contained by death. "That's it!" His eyes softened as he looked from Ronon to Simon. "We're in!" he explained quickly. "The computer is waiting for the council of three to input their command codes."

"The council?" Ronon asked. He crossed his arms over his chest and kept his eyes on her.

"Atlantis was ruled by a council of three before they left for Earth," Rodney explained as he tried something else in the computer. "The computer seems to be set up for input. Whatever Helia's code did, it reset everything. We should get Elizabeth down here..."

"It's early," Ronon interrupted. "She can play with your computer after breakfast."

"But..."

"You should let her sleep," Simon agreed with a slow nod of his head. "She could use some rest."

Rodney took a moment before nodding. "I guess it's not going anywhere," he conceded with one more longing look at the computer. "It's just...this is the last thing..." his hands pleaded along with his eyes, "...the last thing left locked, I mean if we get this, we'll have everything. Every system."

"You'll have it tomorrow," Carson interrupted authoritatively from the doorway. "It's oh-four-hundred. We all need sleep. Go on now, the lot of ye."

Ronon caught her shoulder and started to lead her back to her quarters. Teyla felt Michael envy the strength pulsing through Ronon's body. She felt the hunger rise again.

_'I can't get him,"_ Michael whispered to her. _"Not yet."_

Alone in the darkness of her mind, Teyla shuddered and tried to keep what was left of her separate from the growing cold of Michael's mind.

* * *

Back in the infirmary, Carson sank into a chair in front of his desk and listened to the footsteps leave him alone. Rodney had protested against leaving, but eventually even the determination keeping him awake lost to exhaustion. The scientist was curled on a spare bed, sleeping soundly. Only Simon remained, standing quietly over his shoulder.

"The amount of virus in her blood shouldn't be able to jump and fall like that," Simon said aloud what was troubling Carson. "It's not a natural profile, even with immune response."

"She doesn't have an immune response," Carson reminded his colleague as he drummed his fingers impatiently on the desk. "It's almost like there's an outside force...something that causes the severe spikes in the viral count."

Simon shrugged behind him and pulled a crate from the Odyssey over next to Carson. "Is there something in the city that keeps track of everything? Some kind of really advanced monitoring system?"

"Sensors," Carson replied quickly, wondering if it was that simple. "In a laboratory setting the virus responded to one of the upper wavelengths of infrared radiation...it's entirely possible..." he drifted off as he tried to remember how to check the internal sensors.

Giving up, he left his chair and grabbed Rodney's shoulder. "How do I check the radiation profile of the last few days?"

Rodney barely opened an eye and groaned. "Internal sensors, second column, third option," he explained without even sounding awake. "Select it twice and chose the weekly readout."

Simon nodded quickly from the keyboard. "He's right; I think I've got it."

Carson took over, checking the graph of the radiation against the viral profile that had been giving him so much trouble for the last few hours.

"Looks like a match," Simon announced with relief. He had no idea what kind of bizarre alien virus came and went with a radiation profile. He had even less of an idea how it would be generated by a growing fetus.

Carson seemed less confused. In fact, the other doctor had the faraway look Simon had come to count on. He let Carson think as he wondered if Elizabeth had known the mess that would come from carrying John Sheppard's child. How different would things have been if he had come when she asked? He was fairly certain no child of his would be filling her blood with an unknown virus.

"Sheppard said she has episodes that come and go," Carson started to think aloud. "He was rather vague, but it would seem to fit with the random increases in the amount of virus in her body." He paused and scratched the itch exhaustion had left on the back of his neck. "If we keep an eye on the radiation..."

"...we can watch her blood." Simon finished. He felt the air escape his chest in another sigh of relief. Maybe now they could finally help Elizabeth instead of just hoping and wishing she felt better.

"Maybe it is that simple," Carson hoped as he stared into the screen of his computer. "Something in the radiation is increasing the rate of mutation. Demanding her body adapt the new genes faster than her tissues can handle. At a normal rate it would take nearly two years to manipulate all of her DNA, but with his spikes..."

"...twenty eight more weeks," Simon concluded for him. "That's the time left before she delivers. If you run a projection, I'll bet you the last of the coffee it'll be twenty eight weeks before the virus runs its course."

Carson yawned and rubbed his eyes. "I think I'll be letting ye have the coffee," he promised and grinned sheepishly. "The computer agrees with you."

"So when she delivers?"

"She'll be infused with ATA," Carson sighed with an admiring shake of his head. "Most likely the same five instances as Sheppard."

"What does that mean?" Simon wondered, hoping his thoughts weren't entirely rhetorical. "Why encode that in a virus? How did someone even get it into her body in the first place?"

"If we knew that I could go to sleep..." Carson admitted with another yawn. "Come on, let's try and get a bit of a nap before we have to deal with the next crisis."

Simon dragged himself to his feet and followed the other man out of the infirmary. curling up on a bed like Rodney seemed more tempting than the walk back to his quarters, but Carson was good company. At least in his own quarters he could shower. That way the next crisis could at least find him with clean hair.

"You'll get used to it," Carson promised as he stopped in front of Simon's quarters. "The hours are terrible, there's no overtime, and it's rare that anyone notices what we do here."

"But we save lives," Simon replied. Wondering if the bed in his quarters could ever feel better than it was about too.

"Aye, that we do."


	19. falling

"Rodney...just tell me what I have to do," Elizabeth said, biting her tongue before she snapped. Rodney's long-winded explanation of the city's computer system was only aggravating her already thin nerves. The lights in the ceiling of the computer room only vaguely worked, the flickering only added to the cave like feeling of the room.

"Oh, ah, put your hands here and think of an access code. Sixteen digit, alphanumeric..." he explained quickly as he gestured at the panel. "Have you decided who the third council member will be?"

"The computer will accept three," Zelenka injected calmly from over Rodney's shoulder. "The Ancients seemed to like three. Three ZPMs, three leaders."

"Retired Colonel Lorne's leading a vote," Jack explained as he waited his turn behind Elizabeth. "Rustling up the civilians and trying to get them organized."

"They aren't cattle," Elizabeth corrected as she pursed her lips with annoyance and tried to stop her headache from growing.

Nodding his head contritely, Jack apologized with his eyes. "Course not, I was making more fun of the good Major's mother than our civilians, I promise."

"Jack and I are getting set up today, when the vote is over we'll make sure the civilian representative gets into the computer," Elizabeth promised her scientists as she thought of an access code and lowered her hands to the computer terminal. The panel immediately lit up and grew warm to the touch. A moment later it was over. Helia had stubbornly clung to life through days of torture just to make sure she could stand there for five seconds of light. Elizabeth wondered if she would do the same as she watched the light run over Jack's body.

Grinning, he turned to her when he was done. "On to the next meeting?" he asked as he waved her through the doorway out of the room Rodney was calling the 'computer core'.

"Don't you have to attend that one?" Zelenka teased Rodney as the other man tried to avoid looking up from his work.

"Yes," Rodney complained with a sigh. "I have to go watch the military figure out their chain of command. Which is somehow a better use of my time than figuring out the computer system."

"I thought they were discussing all chains of command..." Zelenka let the thought dangle for a moment before Rodney got it.

"Oh," he said without looking up. "Oh...wait." Rodney suddenly got it. "Dammit." Picking up his tablet computer he fled the room after Jack and Elizabeth.

* * *

Rodney was the last one to jog into his chair around the large table in the conference room. Carson and Daniel sat on one end. Teal'c sat next to Daniel and Colonels Caldwell, Emerson, Mitchell and Carter sat in a line on their left. Then Jack and Elizabeth in the center, John at her right hand, Teyla, Ronon, and finally Rodney himself.

Elizabeth gave him a look, but there was a trace of a smile in her lips. Being out of the cave of the computer room made her headache improve slightly. "Now that we're all here, let's make this short," she promised the table. "As the leaders of the expedition and the military, General O'Neill and I have come up with the following chain of command..."

"All right campers," Jack started as he looked around. "I had to find some way to differentiate between all my Colonels. Teal'c, you're my first in line. Mitchell, you'll be second. Caldwell has the Daedalus, Emerson the Odyssey and Carter the _Artemis_. Sheppard will be assuming command of Atlantis itself. If anything happens to me that's the order I want you to follow," he looked over their faces before turning back to Elizabeth. "All yours."

"Thank you," She responded and folded her hands on the smooth gray table. "It's never easy to do this but we can all agree on its importance. My line of succession will be Teyla, Dr Jackson, Dr McKay, Ronon and Dr Beckett. Both are noted in the computer and will be known to the members of the expedition and the military. Colonel Sheppard has the list of the new off-world teams."

"We'll be running five teams at the moment while we train up our civilian recruits," John started to explain. Elizabeth wasn't looking at him and he was fairly certain he knew why. "Teyla will be leading team one, Major Lorne has team two, Teal'c has graciously volunteered to take team three, Colonel Mitchell has team four and our newly promoted Captain Cadman will be taking team five," he turned back to Elizabeth, watching as her mouth struggled to find the words she wanted.

Jack saved her. "That'll be all, see me at the next meeting, won't you?" he offered jovially, at least as relieved as anyone to be free.

Everyone shuffled out, Rodney started to tease Carson that he was higher on the list.

"I could kill you," Ronon remarked over Rodney's shoulder, "then I'll move up."

A flash of terror lit Rodney's face for a moment before he started to laugh. "Anyone up for lunch?"

John waited for her in the corner, just out of her sight. She thought she'd have to wait for that night to talk to him, but instead she found his hands on her shoulders.

"You looked surprised," he started lightly. John was still relieved she'd managed to smile. After yesterday, he couldn't help feeling that he was failing because he couldn't keep her safe from herself.

"You didn't want," Elizabeth started weakly, wondering if he'd ever cease to surprise her. "Being the commander of the city is dull. You'll never get to go anywhere. You'll be like..."

"...You," John finished for her with a wry smile. "My parents weren't around," he explained as he watched his fingers play with the table. "I'm going to be."

Elizabeth nodded, feeling her head float somewhere over her shoulders. Despite Carson's promises that her dizziness would improve with rest, nothing seemed to be helping this morning. "John," she started as she reached for his hand.

He shut her up and squeezed it. "It's okay," he smirked playfully. "I get it. The city's just going to have to get used to having a little sister or brother I guess..." he drifted off and watched her wrap her arms around her computer. "Which do you think?"

"I'm sorry?" Elizabeth asked helplessly as she started back across to her office. "I don't follow?"

"This baby we're having..." John teased as he stole her computer from her hands and snuck through the control center at her heels. "I've heard they come in two different kinds..."

Still shaking her head, Elizabeth fled across the catwalk into her glass walled office before she looked at him. "Does it really matter?"

John shrugged and flopped down on a corner of her desk. "Not to me," he offered gamely as he returned her computer to her waiting hands. "You?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?" she tried to dodge the question. Turning her computer on, Elizabeth pulled her curls up on her head and clipped them in place. "Don't you have..."

"It's lunch," John reminded her as he tapped his watch. "One hour off, starting now."

Sighing heavily, she flipped her wrist to check her own watch. Where had the time gone? "Can't we...?"

Shaking his head, John met her gaze seriously. "No," he insisted emphatically. "Not after yesterday. Lunch, now, before I get Jack to go over your head," he folded his arms across his chest and waited.

Giving in, she left her computer on the desk and started to leave her office.

"Now, it doesn't matter to me," John continued the conversation from the point he'd been at previously, "if the numbers are right..."

"...numbers?" Elizabeth asked as she stopped him on the steps down. "What numbers?"

"Two, two, ten, ten..." John answered cryptically as he waved down the hallway at Sam and Daniel, "the things that count."

"Did you find something?" he called to them as they got closer. "Teyla thought the traders at Valthier..."

"We're good," Daniel promised with a beaming smile. "It's perfect, really perfect."

John smirked at Sam, who was rather quiet and already faintly flushed. "Six more hours..." he teased and grinned when her blush worsened.

"Thank you again, Doctor," Sam reached for Elizabeth's hand and squeezed it earnestly between both of hers. "I can't tell you how much this means to us."

"It's my pleasure," Elizabeth responded nervously. She was still trying to figure out John's riddle. Sam and Jack's wedding was just another one of her responsibilities, though admittedly one of the happier ones. She wondered how many more weddings she would have to preside over. Atlantis didn't have any religious leaders, and Jack had been more than happy to hand that duty off to her. "Really, you and Jack deserve to be happy and I think it sets a good precedent, it should help people feel more at home."

"You look better today," Daniel piped up in the silence that followed her thought, "you have color."

"Thank you," she replied immediately, without catching how sweet the compliment was. She hadn't realized how pale she'd been yesterday. Elizabeth had started making it a point to avoid mirrors when she had trouble looking at her own face. Sometimes she looked too much like her mother. "John was taking me to lunch."

"Yeah, there's this lovely little place..." John joked just enough to fish for a smile. "We'll see you at dinner."

"Okay..." Sam managed to reply, even though butterflies fought for the best position in her stomach. "Dinner."

"What were they looking for?" Elizabeth asked once Daniel and Sam were out of earshot.

"A dress," John responded as he led her to the line outside the cafeteria. "Sam didn't want to get married in her uniform. At least, not without dress blues."

"Oh," Elizabeth said softly as she tried to picture what a Pegasus wedding dress would look like. "I didn't know anyone was dressing up."

"I doubt the general will," John leaned up against the wall and got comfortable as he waited for the line to move on. "He's been threatening to show up wearing all kinds of things," his hand absently rubbed her shoulder, making her feel a little better immediately. "Keeps pestering Beckett for a kilt."

Leaning on the wall next to him felt entirely natural, even as refugees slipped past them with faces she didn't recognize. "Do you think marriage is important?"

"For some people," John replied lightly. His hand slid down to fall around her waist and his eyes were drawn to the stars outside the window. "I'd be all right without it."

"So there isn't some kind of romantic, last-minute proposal in my future?" Elizabeth teased just to watch the flush creep across his face.

"As long as you don't desperately decide you have to be married while you're in labor," he prodded back, still blushing slightly.

"I wouldn't do that to you," she promised as she let her head find his shoulder. "I think we'll both be a little too involved for something like that."

"Good," he finished, relieved. He played with her t-shirt for a moment before settling his hand over his stomach and whispering: "I think you're gaining weight."

"I am," she whispered back nervously. "Guess I haven't been as sick as I thought."

"You look wonderful," John promised as he dragged himself off the wall and moved with her when the line started to move, "you really do."

"You have to say that," Elizabeth replied softly, still pleased he thought so. He definitely wasn't one for empty compliments.

John's reply was lost as Vala pulled Daniel in line behind him.

"We're cutting," she announced proudly, "have to eat before our off-world expedition with Mitchell's team." Tossing her dark hair over her shoulder, she eyed the table full of food several meters of line away and sighed. "He wouldn't let us cut in front of you though. I remember getting to the part of being pregnant where I wanted to eat everything in sight, but I doubt you're there yet. You still look like you want to throw up."

"Liar," Elizabeth whispered in John's ear as she smiled at Vala. "Thank you," she offered with a wry smile.

"Vala..." Daniel corrected gently. "Elizabeth looks fine."

"Where are you going?" John tried to rescue the conversation. "More trading?"

"We need more food and one of the Genii villages we've recently been in contact with had a good crop this year," Daniel offered cheerfully, "and there are some ruins on the outskirts I'm really looking forward to checking out."

"He likes to read old rocks," Vala interjected as she pouted full lips towards them. "A whole village dying to trade with us and he will spend the whole mission reading old rocks."

The line moved forward and John kept Elizabeth close, as if letting her out of his sight would let her get away without eating. "Some ruins can be really exciting, I guess. Rodney just likes old technology."

"Valuable old technology?" Vala perked up, intrigued at the notion.

"Mostly just things that get us into trouble," John conceded and Elizabeth nodded along with him. "We usually have to trade newer technologies to get things."

"Sam traded nicknack she picked up in the Milky Way for her dress this afternoon," Daniel piped up with the same beaming smile. "Funny how anyone in Pegasus has yet to invent the bobble-head doll."

"There's something to be said for uniqueness I suppose," Elizabeth said as she felt John take her hand. "A great many things from Earth are going to be completely unique now. Relics of a lost civilization..." she trailed off when she realized none of them wanted to think any further about that.

* * *

"Are you sure this is worth something?" The tiny shopkeeper demanded as she looked up at John and then back at the Gameboy in her hands.

"Yeah," John insisted as he reached for the on switch. "I even had Rodney replace the battery with an enhanced one..."

The shopkeeper still looked skeptical as "Nintendo" flashed across the screen.

"...it'll run forever," John finished for the old woman. "Give it to your grandkids, kids love these things," he leaned in closer. "Besides, I can promise you it's the last one in the universe."

She pressed the buttons and watched in amusement as tiny pixelated karts started to race each other around the track. "All right, I'll give you the dress and the other clothes. There's not much in the universe like that dress either," shaking a finger at him, she studied his eyes. "She better be worth parting with this."

"I'm going to be busy," John explained lightly. Trying not to feel the pang of loss as he parted forever with his Gameboy, he reminded himself he wouldn't have a lot of free time for the rest of his life.

He caught a glimpse of red as she wrapped up his goods. The shirt and pants weren't exactly a uniform, but he thought Elizabeth would feel better with more than two sets of clothes. He also couldn't help noticing that only the pants she'd gotten from Carter really fit now. Her own pair had fallen prey to her changing waistline but she hadn't complained.

He took the package and headed back to Mitchell's team. Vala was arguing strenuously with some kind of banker about the price of precious metals on the Genii market. Mitchell had his hands folded over his P-90 as he waited by the edge of town.

"Daniel made a good deal for rice and something that looks like corn," Cameron explained as John walked up next to him, "even got them to throw in some spices. Wonder if your kitchen knows how to make corn bread..."

John smiled and tucked his package into his backpack. "Probably if you ask nicely, he guessed. "The night shift is usually more accommodating."

"I'll remember that," Cameron nodded his head over to the ruins to the north. "That Lieutenant Hartford you gave me is a damn good shot."

"I thought I owed you when I took Teal'c," John explained as he smiled proudly.

"'Bout time the big guy got his own team," Cameron agreed easily. "I'll miss him though; no one else will be that intimidating."

"Thanks for the heads up with the dress..." John offered shyly. "I'd probably still be looking."

"Daniel said red was her color," Cameron said as he looked over his list of supplies. "You probably want to thank him or Vala, she's the one who pointed it out to me. If anyone knows how to pick out the most expensive thing in the store...it's her."

John nodded slowly; he'd have to say something discreetly. "Coming to the wedding?" he asked Cameron after the silence had been comfortable long enough. Across the bazaar, Vala was still arguing, and from where they stood she seemed to be making progress.

"Wouldn't miss it," Cameron replied, flashing John an amused grin. "Kinda funny it only took the end of the world for those two to get together..."

"Rodney's going to go into mourning," John predicted with mock sorrow. "His last chance with Carter is gone."

"Speaking of mourning, what do you think the protocol is out here?" Cameron wondered nonchalantly. "I've been asked to the wedding and I'm not really sure..."

John shrugged. "It's my first apocalypse," he replied lazily. "Who caught you?"

"One of the new scientists has the cutest little girl," Cameron began optimistically. "She ran by and nearly made of with my tech vest to play dress up while I was waiting for Doctor McKay to give me my new IDC. Her mother and I had a nice talk over lunch. Absolutely brilliant..."

"Jeannie?" John guessed with a sad smile. "She lost her husband, didn't she?"

"I was thinking...maybe she just meant it as a friendly..."

"...yeah," John finished for the other man. "Though, to warn you, that's McKay's sister."

"I thought Jeannie had a sister on the Science team, not a brother?" Cameron asked, deeply confused, "kept referring to 'Meredith'."

"It's a long story," John promised with a trace of a laugh. "Well, it's a story anyways, get her to tell you at the wedding."

"The civilian elected Petrov Zelenka," Catherine Lorne announced as she settled into her chair at the conference table. "Your father's going to be a very important man," she predicted as she glanced across at Radek.

The scientist shrugged and crossed his arms nervously over his chest. "He's a good man, Doctor Weir, quiet, thoughtful..." he broke off grinning in quiet pride, "...mother always thought he had an interest in politics, but this..." he fluffed his hair and continued to smile as he muttered to himself.

"We're still conducting a final recount," Catherine continued with a slight smile. Though she shared the same thoughtful eyes as her son, her hair had grown icy white with age. "He won by a very significant margin, taking nearly seventy percent of the vote." Her smile faded as her eyes grew grim. "It is worth mentioning that the loser will pose a problem."

Beside his mother, Lorne nodded quickly. "His name is Sheldon Praice, we aren't entirely sure how he got on General Landry's list. He hasn't been forthcoming, but we believe he is the ex-husband of one of the scientists from the SGC. Unfortunately she didn't survive the attack and our biographical resources are limited..."

"...what has us concerned is his platform," Catherine finished for her son. "He advocates leaving Atlantis."

"Leaving?" Elizabeth nearly choked on her juice and it stung the back of her throat. Without John to correct her, she'd broken Carson's restrictions and worked through her dinner; which sat mostly uneaten on the conference table in front of her. "Where would he go?"

"Some people are having trouble adapting," Lorne mentioned softly, "it's easier for people with families. They have something to hang on to," he rested his hands on the table and felt his mother shift position next to him. It was odd, trying to work with her.

"He's convinced parts of Earth might still be habitable," Catherine muttered as she shook her head in disgust. "Idiot."

Elizabeth drummed her fingers lightly on the table and pushed what was left of her dinner aside. The pasta dish was actually one of the better things the kitchen had managed to come up with recently, but she just couldn't stomach it. "Worst case scenario?"

Neither Lorne met her eyes for a moment. Zelenka looked across at the younger Lorne and finally Catherine spoke.

"He's been collecting followers all through the elections," she began.

Elizabeth watched the warmth drain from the other woman's eyes. There was a look all military personnel had that she dreaded seeing.

Catherine tried to finish: "I'm not saying they are yet, but violence is a..."

"Elizabeth, we need you in control," Rodney's voice begged over the intercom.

"We'll be right there," Elizabeth replied as she left the table. Her fork bounced across the table when she pushed her chair in too quickly; she didn't even reach for it as she left the room.

* * *

Cameron's team returned to chaos. Rodney was on the stairs up to the control room. John knew the annoyed look on Rodney's face, but he heard the note of fear no one else would have recognized. He moved his hand until he felt the cool stock of the P-90 in his grip.

"Yelling is not going to make things better!" Rodney's voice carried over the din in the gate room as the wormhole faded away. "I'm not sure where you are all so desperate to go. There's nothing left."

"He's right," Jack called from the balcony that overlooked the gate room and the small mob in the corner. "You can gate to Earth..." he began dryly, "...and you'll die there," he leaned lazily out over them, being far more attentive than he let on.

"How do we know?" asked one man from the front of the group. "We've gotten all our information from you and some diplomat who fancies herself leader of all of us because she was appointed..."

"...by a bunch of people you keep telling us are dead!" screamed someone else.

Vala moved quickly behind Cameron and Daniel, she had seen enough mobs to know she wanted to be elsewhere. Daniel looked up at Jack and then sadly out at the people; the noise was getting worse. Nearly thirty pairs of feet shuffled against the cold floor of the gate room and John could see the marines starting to assemble in the hallways in and out of the gate room.

He held his P-90 closer and cut through the crowd on his way up to control. For a moment the leader looked like he was going to give John some trouble, but Cameron holding his gun lazily against his chest and Lieutenant Hartford behind him was enough to part the mob. John passed Rodney at the top of the stairs.

"I don't know where they came from," Rodney whispered hysterically to his friend. "One minute I was explaining to General O'Neill and Elizabeth how to access some of the new computer systems I've discovered and the next there's this bunch, demanding to be allowed to gate to Earth."

John patted his shoulder confidently and looked down at his sidearm. "Elizabeth and the general can handle them."

"You just had an election for a civilian representative to the government," Elizabeth's voice carried calmly through the room, "you all had a chance to vote for your leader."

"Who voted for you?" someone yelled up, and a few jeers followed. "Who voted for the Military? Who decided the Americans should be in charge?"

"Fine!" Jack's voice cut through the chattering. "Where do you want to go?" he dropped his voice, "I'll open up the gate and send you goddamn anywhere you please!"

Elizabeth shot him a look, and he read her concern in her eyes. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the railing. "We can't keep them against their will, if they want to leave we have to let them."

John wished he could ease her burden, she'd been in such a good mood after lunch. Without a word, he slipped in behind her. Getting just close enough that she'd know he was there if she needed him.

Whipping her head towards Rodney, she pointed down beneath the stairs and called him over. "I want a MALP ready to go and one of the spare IDC transmitters..."

Rodney nodded and left the stairs to prepare the device.

"This city..." Elizabeth began softly enough that the mob had to become quiet to hear her. "...is not a prison. We didn't take you from your homes and bring you here to ruin your lives; we brought you to save you. I am sorry that some of you don't have families here. I am sorry that some of your families are dead. We've all lost someone..."

"We've lost more than people!" the leader replied angrily. "We've lost our homes, our jobs, our means to be independent. Here we sleep where you tell us, eat what you give us and wait for handouts for clothing. This is no way to live!" His supporters agreed with him; muttering behind him in support.

"Who is he?" John whispered as he leaned closer to Major Lorne.

The major sighed heavily and rubbed his hands together. "Mr Sheldon Praice, he was some kind of attorney back on Earth. I guess his ex-wife was one of the scientists we lost in the invasion. At first they were just asking a lot of question about the election..." he paused and surveyed the group below before shaking his head, "...now they want to leave."

Rodney rolled the MALP out in front of the gate. Elizabeth turned to Charles and Walter, both technicians were waiting patiently for her instructions. "Dial Earth," she ordered grimly.

The lights in the gate began to glow, and everyone backed up as Rodney did.

"We'll show you Earth..." Jack called down grumpily as he pointed to the MALP. "It's a lovely little vacation spot now, just north of hell..." Two of the marines pushed in one of the portable Lantian screens and stood by it. As the eighth chevron locked, Rodney lurched the MALP forward. He looked as apprehensive as Elizabeth did. Her lips were pale as she tightened them into a thinner line.

The MALP disappeared and the monitor went to black as the MALP waited to materialize. In that time everyone grew quiet, waiting as one for the picture.

The MALP emerged in smoke. The screen showed clearly that the Stargate had been moved and set upright again. It had somehow survived the nuclear explosion and now sat in an empty parking lot of what John guessed was Cheyenne Mountain. Crumpled and scorched blacktop was all around it and the wind carried smoke as it blew past. Heavy machinery sat patiently around the gate, waiting to be picked up by the mining crews Caldwell had reported.

"It's a trick," Mr Praice shouted through the silence. "I'll show you..."

One of the marines lunged for him as he ran towards the gate. The marine was held back by a larger member of the mob. As Jack shook his head, he backed up.

Rodney just stayed out of the way as Praice stared at the rippling gate. "Don't do it!" the scientist warned in a panic. "The atmosphere is full of radiation, sulfur and chlorine gases..."

"Oh shut up," Praice snapped irritably. "Let me live my life..."

"Let you die horribly is more like it," Rodney muttered as he turned his eyes away to watch the Replicator mining equipment creak to life as someone arrived off camera to use it. "That planet is incapable of supporting human life. ANY life. Don't you understand that? The moment you step through, you will die. Chlorine will burn your lungs and you'll die choking on your own blood."

Rodney's horror got through to the crowd in a way reason could not. The restless muttering grew quieter and some fists unclenched.

"Let us go somewhere else," Praice demanded, though with less vehemence than before.

"Where?" Jack wondered sarcastically. "Should I just pick a planet?"

"That Alpha site," Praice suggested. "There were structures there, one of your stargate things..." he trailed off and waved towards the gate.

"The Odyssey took nearly everything," Cameron murmured behind Jack's head. "Nothing left there but a few slabs of concrete."

"Can we talk about this?" Elizabeth suggested down to the mob. "Come up to the conference room and we'll find a better planet; something safer."

John watched as her teeth tightened into her lip. There was no safe anymore. Earth, the last haven of free humanity in either galaxy, had fallen into darkness and become a toxic ball of rock.

The tension in the room eased when Priace nodded and came towards the stairs. Reluctantly content with the idea of leaving Atlantis, even he turned and stared sadly at Earth before the wormhole dissipated. John only watched the ring for a moment before he turned his eyes back to Elizabeth. He always looked down before he looked up, lately.

* * *

"You're going to be the first couple to get married in space," Cameron toasted with the soft green bubbling liquid in his cup. "First Earth couple anyway."

Sam smiled, radiating her patience outward over her friends. The pale blue dress Daniel had helped her find was obviously Genii. It reminded John faintly of the first time they'd visited the Genii home world. There was something calming about the way it fell down around her feet. Maybe it was because he didn't see women in dresses much, or perhaps the fact that the color reminded him faintly of a very pleasant senior prom; either way, he contented himself with his musings.

"It means so much to me that you're here," Sam explained gently as she lifted her cup to Cameron, Daniel, Teal'c and Vala. "It wouldn't be our wedding without you."

Vala clinked her glass against Sam's and grinned brightly. "Of course not," she teased before her face fell when she looked around. "I did expect more presents."

The corner of Sam's mouth twitched and she shared a look with Daniel. "You look lovely," she offered as a change of subject. Daniel had managed to pick out a dark green dress that made her look like the peasant girl who could stop the king's carriage.

"So does Daniel," Vala giggled as she entwined her arm with his.

"Feels kind of strange, doesn't it?" Cameron wondered as he twitched in his shirt. He felt like he was undercover, sneaking into some peasant village after the Ori in his black shirt and jacket. It was Sam's wedding and he would have shown up naked if she had asked him to, so he tugged at the sleeve one more time and relaxed.

Daniel seemed entirely at ease as he walked Vala over to the railing of the upper balcony. With the city's forcefield around them, the little wedding party could look out into the stars and down over the city. The _Artemis_ even had a place of honor on the North pier, where Sam could look down over her vessel.

John waited by the table with the sparkling green wine Teal'c had managed to procure on his trading mission. It left a spicy taste in his mouth, reminding him that even champagne was different in the Pegasus Galaxy. He poured his second glass and wondered how much longer he'd lose Elizabeth to her meeting. He'd offered to stay, help her find a planet for Praice and his fellow deserters, but she'd declined. She thought too much military assistance would scare them off.

It was already past twenty-one hundred hours. Four hours past when Carson said she should stop working. He fidgeted with the metal cup in his hands and wondered what he could do to make time go faster. Sam seemed to share his impatience when she leaned back on the railing next to him.

"Seems like we're always waiting, doesn't it?" she wondered as she nudged his shoulder playfully. Clinking her cup against his, Sam realized that next to everyone else here, he understood how she felt. Love always came in second to duty and that reality seemed to be hitting him harder now.

John sipped his drink and felt bubbles tickle the inside of his nose. "They should be done by now," he complained as he looked over his shoulder anxiously. "She's not supposed to be working this late."

"He knows," Sam reminded him as stared into her cup. "Thank you," she finished softly.

"For what?" John asked distractedly. Watching the technicians work on the _Artemis_ gave him something to do.

"Sharing her," Sam explained as she touched his shoulder with his. "I know it's the last thing you want to do."

"The city has to come first," John repeated dully as he finished the last of his wine. "That's the way it goes, isn't it?"

"How's she doing?" Sam asked as she watched Vala coax the story of Cameron's sisters wedding out of him. Teal'c's rich laughter carried across the balcony.

"She fakes it," John murmured lazily. Sparks from welders on the hull of the _Artemis_ carried up into the sky. "I guess I wait."

"I know it sounds stupid.." Sam started shyly as her lips curled around the rim of her cup, "...love is worth waiting for."

"You're the expert," John agreed. Heading the table, he filled his cup halfway and grabbed one of the sweet cakes Halling had brought. Maddie tugged on his sleeve and demanded one as well. Leaning down to her, he found his smile again.

"Having a good time?" he wondered as he watched her cake crumble onto her lips.

Maddie nodded eagerly and swallowed her cake. "Mommy's smiling today," she replied calmly as she waved over at her mother. Jeannie was between a laughing Rodney and Carson who were trying to explain to Cameron something that involved a great deal of hand gestures.

She waved him in closer, as if she were sharing a secret. "She misses Daddy lots," Maddie pointed out.

"I'll bet," John answered. Somehow it was impossible not to be cheerful watching a child smear cake all over their face. He reached for one of the colorful scraps of the cloth the Athosians practically used as napkins. Scrubbing her face made her giggle and he escorted her back to the laughing group around her mother.

"Cake!" Maddie announced to her mother as Rodney scooped her up.

"Thanks!" Rodney replied gleefully as he took a bite out of what was left of her cake.

"Thank you Colonel," Jeannie offered politely. She was pale and much thinner than she had been the first time they'd met.

"Call me John, remember?" he started to extend his hand but shock won out when he found her arms wrapped around him.

"I remember," Jeannie replied as the flush spread across her face. Rodney looked somewhat mortified that she'd hugged him, but he calmed when Jeannie smiled. "That's for saving Meredith as many times as you have," she explained. "I realized I hadn't thanked you and I-"

"Thanks," John interrupted quickly. "I kinda like having him around, don't I, Meredith?"

"Actually, we make a pretty good team," Rodney replied after an initial wince. "Any idea when this is going to start? Ketterman's saving the good food until after the ceremony."

John shrugged looked around the balcony at all of the people waiting. "They'll get here," he assured Rodney without much faith. The last time he'd let Elizabeth stay late in a meeting she'd collapsed. He wasn't ready for that again. Carson had warned her. They'd tried to cut her schedule back; force her to slow down, but Elizabeth kept going at the same frantic pace. In the back of his mind it suddenly made sense. He remembered going like that, pushing his body until he couldn't feel the pain in his heart over the screaming of his muscles. He knew what she was running from; he just hoped he'd be able to keep up.

* * *

The fighting sticks clashed over her head and Teyla jammed her elbow back and up, feeling Ronon's slick skin against her own. Sweat filled her hair, running hot down the back of her neck into her workout top. Hit, parry, retreat, and then he knocked her down to the mat.

Blood rushed in her head, feeling his body thump down on top of her as he pinned her. She slammed her hand into his chest instinctually, feeling the pounding of his heart beneath the musculature. Hunger raged inside of her, desperate to be stated as it ate at her control.

Teyla had picked Ronon, forced Michael's mind to focus on him. Michael had contemplated other victims. He toyed heavily with the idea of John or Carson, but as soon as Michael's mind had wandered across Elizabeth she'd focused every part of her being on Ronon. He was the strongest, she promised Michael; the biggest challenge, the brightest life, but none of that convinced him. It was letting her guard down that did it.

The love she'd kept in her heart tipped Michael towards Ronon. Teyla could taste blood in her mouth, feel the weight of Ronon's heaving chest against hers; she needed him. Michael and the Wraith mind told her she needed his life, but she'd loved him longer than that. She'd needed him since before the Wraith were born. In the darkest corner of her mind, the last part he hadn't been able to touch, Teyla kept her hope. Ronon could fight her. He could hold her off, resist anything Michael tried to do.

His head was centimeters away from hers. Breath rushed from his lips, hot and moist against her skin. Her flesh crawled with hunger. Her hand was ineffectual. She lacked the Wraith orifice to drain his life and she dug in her nails in protest.

As the new pain from her fingernails tore into the flesh of his chest, he grunted; both surprised and aroused. His blood was up and as hot as the knot in her stomach. He crushed her lips, devouring the firmness of them as he took them as trophies. For a moment her passion overtook Michael's control and Teyla kissed him as she had wanted too. She fought back, running her teeth against his lower lip before they parted.

With their eyes centimeters apart, eternity passed between them. Teyla felt her fragile victory slipping as Michael resumed control of her body. She wondered what Ronon saw as Michael forced her back beneath his consciousness. Drowning in darkness, Ronon's brown eyes were the last thing she saw of her own accord.

Michael whipped her arm up, catching Ronon under the chin. Twisting her body against the mat, she slipped from beneath him. Michael lashed out with her arm and her fist, driving it into the back of Ronon's skull. His breath escaped his lungs in a rush as he collapsed to the mat.

_"It would be a waste to kill him without feeding," Michael whispered to her, "all that energy..."_

Teyla understood the hunger and the desperate desire to drain all the power from the unconscious form of the giant before her. Michael's memories of feeding promised an experience unlike anything she had ever felt. The singular, perfect sensation of being entirely filled and for that moment wanting nothing else from the universe was tantalizing in a way nothing in life had been before. Fulfillment was possible. She could find peace.

They were running; tearing down the hallway, then up the stairs. They hid in the shadows, moving with a shared grace that became more Wraithlike as they continued. He led them to the armory, where they retrieved one of the small Wraith stunners. She was relieved he hadn't chosen one of the deadly weapons. Had she been able to steer his hand?

Michael held back as they passed the infirmary. Teyla could feel the disgust and terror rip through them as his memories of the retrovirus flooded his mind. He set their jaw tightly, biting their lip as he made up his mind. She had wondered how he planned to get out of the city. As they rounded the corner, weapon up and pointed at the back of Carson's head, sick realization settled in her stomach.

"Teyla, love," he startled at the sound of footsteps behind him and sighed, relieved it was her. It took a few beats of her heart before he saw the weapon. "What's going on?" The fear in Carson's eyes lanced through her painfully as Michael's anger exploded in her stomach.

Then fear solidified into terror and Carson understood what he saw. Teyla's eyes had already begun to change.

* * *

Jack sat lazily on the edge of the bed in Elizabeth's quarters. He toyed with the brass buttons on the jacket Ladon had given him. The Genii dress uniform was dark grey and double breasted, but it was nicer than anything he'd been able to scrounge up. He hadn't ever expected that his wedding with Sam would be in another Galaxy on an Ancient city in a strange uniform.

Elizabeth washed her face with the coldest water she could coax from the sink in her bathroom. Her hair was getting longer, curling down her back and getting thicker as it grew. She toyed with a piece, wondering how stress could actually be good for her hair. Then she remembered something she'd heard. Why hadn't she paid more attention when her friends had gotten pregnant? Or even listened to one of her mother's stories...

Her head ached again and the edges of her vision were a little fuzzy. Her stomach twisted and promised to make the rest of the night more difficult. Elizabeth avoided looking at her own nearly naked form in the mirror. Her body was changing faster than she wanted to deal with. Her stomach was rounded outward just enough for her pants not to fit comfortably. Carter's were thankfully still baggy enough not to bite. She sighed and turned away.

John's package sat in the corner, right where he'd promised to leave it. She unwrapped the rough paper. Soft red fabric flowed over her fingers. Elizabeth put her free hand over her mouth and stifled her tiny cry. It was beautiful; deep, multifaceted red that must have been dyed in by hand. Like everything else she'd seen in the trade villages on Pegasus it had been stitched carefully by hand as well. She pulled it on over her head, feeling the dress settle lovingly over her skin. Intricate laces tightened hung loosely in the back and she reached around but couldn't.

"Would you?" she called finally to Jack in the bedroom.

"Are you indecent?" Jack teased as he wandered in with a playful leer on his face. "I didn't get a bachelor's party..." he trailed off and whistled gently when she turned around. The cut of the dress fell deeply over her fuller breasts before clinging attractively to her stomach.

"Are you sure it's my wedding?" he remarked lightly as he turned her around to lace up the back. Thin cords slipped tight beneath his fingers and Jack paused to admire how it accentuated the curve of her back. "You look amazing," he assured her. "Who knew John had any taste..."

Elizabeth started to playfully hit his shoulder in defense of John but then stopped and shrugged. "I had no idea," she admitted with a tiny smile. The dress swirled around her feet and drifted over the floor. It felt funny to wear it with her combat boots, but extra shoes hadn't been in her backpack when she'd left Earth the last time. "I don't think he's even seen me in a dress."

"Well," Jack began as he offered his arm to her. "It's a good thing it's not his wedding. I think you'd have to have that Ronon stand behind him and hit him to remind Sheppard to speak."

"I, General Jack O'Neill, being recently convinced that you are the only person I could ever spend the rest of my life with," Jack began in a jovial tone before he turned serious. Sam's eyes were blue and liquid as she stared across at him. He could have stood there forever, "do promise," he continued, "before our friends...our family, to love you with all I've got until the end of our days...and nights together."

"Sam?" Elizabeth asked softly, watching a tear escape the other woman's blonde lashes. "Do you promise, before these assembled guests, to love Jack with all of your heart, until the end of your time together?"

"I, Colonel Samantha Carter, do promise," Sam stopped for a second, tightening the death grip on his hands, "before our family and friends, to love you with all of my heart until the end of our time together."

"Then by the power of my office as Governor of the city of Atlantis," Elizabeth paused and cleared her tears from her throat. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the general," she teased from her position at the front of the balcony.

In the silence, even Elizabeth's heartbeat seemed loud. Jack and Sam looked at each other. The silence turned to rustling and muttering as the crowd waited.

"Hasn't it been long enough already?" Daniel coughed and whispered from his place at Sam's side.

Jack caught Sam's chin. "I love you," he promised more sincerely than he'd ever been in the long years of his life.

She stood on her tiptoes, bringing their lips just close enough to excite the crowd. "I love you too, Jack," Sam finished before closing the distance between their lips.

It was as if all present had been waiting for that kiss. The roar of the crowd drowned out the racing of Elizabeth's heart. Teal'c cheered at Jack's side, and someone Daniel kissed her cheek with giddy enthusiasm. Cameron squeezed her shoulder, thanking her with his eyes before SG-1 surrounded their newly married members.

Her head spun wildly with the chaos around her but she couldn't help smiling. If she passed out now, she'd still be smiling. Warmth and strength closed around her body and she clung to the hand draped over her shoulder.

"You're beautiful," John whispered as he rested his chin on her other shoulder.

"John, I-" Elizabeth started as she turned her head. His eyes cut through the terror she'd been fighting in her heart; he knew. It was all over his face that he knew, but she still had to say it. The crowd was cheering and goading Sam and Jack on as the kiss continued but all she could hear was him.

"John," she started again, looking down at the hand he had on her stomach before she looked back up.

The alarm shattered the wedding. Bates' internal security alarm had been tripped and the screaming siren ruined the merriment. Elizabeth felt desperation settle cold in the pit of her stomach.

"For crying out loud," Jack yelled at the ceiling. "This is **my** goddamned wedding for Christ sakes..."

Elizabeth pulled her earpiece out of her boot and jammed it into her ear. Sergeant Bates' voice carried through the siren.

"One of the jumpers just went through the gate," he reported grimly. "It appeared to be Teyla and Doctor Beckett."

John shared her confusion. Mouthing: "Teyla and Beckett?" as he waited for the rest of the report.

"Scramble Major Lorne's team and go after them," Elizabeth ordered quickly. Teyla and Carson had no reason to steal a jumper. Confusion settled in when desperation and disappointment faded. "I'll be right down..."

John stayed glued to her side as she made her way to Jack and Sam.

"One of the jumpers has been stolen," she explained and apologized in the same breath. Major Lorne's team is going after it but I should..."

"Let him handle it," Jack suggested, he had seen how much color she'd lost in the short ceremony. The rich red of the dress only made her seem paler. "Is there anything you can do from control you can't do from here? This is a once in a millennia event. Do you know how many wagers of aliens are riding on this very moment?"

John managed a smile but Elizabeth couldn't stir one.

"He's right," Sam agreed; a tear still glistening on her cheek. "All of our lives are so short, so precarious now...we can't afford to waste a single moment. Trust your people."

John nodded at her side. He hated to agree with them. He wanted to be there fighting to bring Teyla and Beckett both home. Jack's eyes flickered to Elizabeth and he followed the general's gaze. The concern on Jack's face was genuine. Elizabeth's skin was cold to the touch as she held his hand. She needed to sit, not to run up to control and worry. Ronon, Zelenka, Lorne, Bates...they could figure it out.

"Come on," John urged gently as he took a step towards the table filling with fresh food, "they can always radio you if they need us."

"It's the first Atlantian wedding for the last ten thousand years," Daniel pointed out as he arrived with Vala on his arm and several cups of sparking wine.

Vala handed across a cup of water to Elizabeth. "And you did a lovely job," she complemented. "You kept it short."

Teal'c's smile infected the team, and soon Cameron started to chuckle.

John hugged her shoulders. "You did great," he promised soothingly. Elizabeth appreciated the gesture, but she knew he was worrying just as much as she was. It made his kiss on the cheek all the more genuine as Daniel started to lead a toast.


	20. the lost

Sam collapsed onto the bench next to Elizabeth and leaned back against the wall, sighing as she rolled her head along her shoulders. "Are all nine hundred people here?"

"No," Elizabeth laughed initially and then grew stiff. It had been over an hour since she'd heard from control. John kept trying to get her to relax, reminding her that their people were the best. Lorne and Ronon could find Teyla.

"I think it's close though," Sam teased as she closed her eyes. "It's beautiful," she murmured before she opened them again. "This whole city is just beautiful."

"Thank you," Elizabeth sighed softly and tried not to dwell on the coldness of the stars. "I miss the ocean."

"Rodney said we'll need to land again," Sam mentioned over the edge of her cup. "The city's air circulation isn't up to one hundred percent yet."

Elizabeth blinked slowly before pressing on the center of her forehead. Wondering what she'd give to wake up and have no complaints from her body, she dropped her hands back into her lap. Her left hand caught slightly on the roundness of her stomach and she stopped herself before she rested her hand there.

"Do you think you and John will be next?" Sam asked as she rubbed the handle of her cup. Jack was in the center of a group of people, laughing as he glanced over her way. Meeting his eyes for a moment, however briefly; sent a thrill up the back of her neck.

"Next?" Elizabeth repeated softly. Her stomach was harder than she remembered. She thought her belly would be softer, but it wasn't. She stopped her hand and looked over at Sam. "I don't understand."

"He's adorable..." she pointed over with her cup. John was over in the corner behind a plant, waiting for four-year-old Maddie to find him. Cameron and Jeannie shared a piece of cake and watched as the two of them chased each other around Rodney. "John is really excited about the baby," Sam explained with a smile. "We were working on Jack's battle plan and he kept getting this funny grin."

"Oh," Elizabeth replied quickly. It took her a moment to pull her mind back. "It's not the best time."

"Is there a good time to have a baby?" Sam teased as she swirled the liquid in the bottom of her cup. "It took us years to figure us out. Don't let that happen to you," she warned softly. "Life is so fragile here."

"Maybe we just never saw how fragile it was before," Elizabeth replied darkly. How many times had she passed up the chance to talk to her mother? How many cups of tea had she put off until another day? Her eyes stung and she stopped trying to fight the tears giving her the pounding headache in the middle of her head. "I was so stupid..." she trailed off, remembering things she'd given up.

"Do you cry at all weddings?" Sam wondered shyly as she caught sight of Elizabeth's tears. "My dad used to have to retreat mysteriously to the bathroom..."

Elizabeth laughed, but it caught in her throat and choked into a sob. "I'm sorry," she stammered as she wiped at her eyes.

Setting down her cup, Sam caught her hands and stopped her. "It's okay," she promised softly. "You can blame hormones."

"Hormones..." Elizabeth shook her head and wished Sam would let her dry her face. "I can't just..."

"No one's watching," Sam assured her. "I'm not going to think less of you," she continued softly, "or start challenging your authority because I saw you cry."

"I shouldn't..." Elizabeth argued with herself. She didn't know Sam. Except for Teyla she had barely allowed herself to get close to any of the women in the city, and Teyla certainly had her own problems at the moment. Worrying about Teyla shocked her back to reality. "They should have contacted us by now, the rescue teams..."

"Do you love him?" Sam interrupted, forcing Elizabeth back to her personal life.

Elizabeth jolted, sitting up straighter and immediately looking away from Sam's face. The question tore at her. John loved her. She'd seen it shining blindly in his eyes when he looked at her. He'd admitted it. "I'm carrying his child," she replied evasively. "He sleeps in my bed."

"You didn't answer the question," Sam corrected gently. She got up for a moment, walking to the table of food; she retrieved one of the cloth napkin scraps. She sat down again and handed it to Elizabeth. "Do you want to be with him?"

"I can't be without him," Elizabeth whispered weakly. She rubbed her tears away with the napkin, but fresh ones replaced the old. "Everything's changing, and this city has to protect a more precious burden each day. We've lost so much already..."

"...we're growing," Sam interjected. "We're creating. Jack and I got married..." she stopped dead and grinned sheepishly. "Do you have any idea how long we've waited? How many times I **knew** I would die alone because I'd let go of my best chance...my only chance to be truly happy? We're human and we survive. It's what we're best at doing."

"What's the difference between loving him and clinging to him because I'm terrified?" Elizabeth demanded bitterly. She couldn't help thinking that Sam was right on a darker level than she realized. They were past living and into the darkness of gritty survival. She was pregnant because she needed a reason to keep going.

"I think you know," Sam offered as she reached across to the other woman's shoulder. "You know..."

"...I don't," Elizabeth finished, starting to tremble slightly. "I honestly don't. John's in every part of my life. Part of him is living inside of me, but do I love him?" Her hand crushed the damp napkin against the red silk covering her stomach. "I can barely look at myself in the mirror," she admitted finally. "I can't face it..."

Sam hugged her; impulsively folding the other woman into her arms. Elizabeth's shoulders were cold, and she wondered if she should get one of the men to give up their jacket. "It's okay," she promised gently. "It's okay. You're doing great."

"I'm working too hard," Elizabeth argued as she let herself cling to Sam. "I feel like hell."

"I've heard that's part of being pregnant," Sam reminded her gently. "At least...it was in the last movie I saw. Can't say I have any first hand experience..." she trailed off and squeezed a little tighter. Her recently broken ribs protested indignantly, but Elizabeth's breathing slowed.

"My breasts hurt," Elizabeth admitted shyly as she lifted her head from Sam's shoulder. "They've done nothing most of my life, and now they feel like I let Ronon train me in hand-to-hand combat."

"You did?" Sam wondered with a worried look.

"Once," Elizabeth nodded with a wry chuckle. "For about seven seconds," she continued. "Teyla let me train with the Athosian teenagers after that."

"I see," Sam replied as she retrieved the damp napkin and cleaned tears from Elizabeth's face. "I don't think anyone, especially John, is going to rush you into anything."

"I should be..." Elizabeth cut off but bit her lip and finished, "I should be able to tell him. Show him...be more than..."

"Love sneaks up on us," Sam explained gently. "One day I'm out trying to save the galaxy, minding my own business, and the next I'm wondering how I'm going to make it through the night without him. When you're not looking, I think you'll find it." She rubbed Elizabeth's shoulder once more and looked over at the man who was now her husband. Jack's quietly concerned glance asked her more than anyone else could have fit into a minute of time. She smiled back, reminding him just how lucky he was. "Now...I have it on good authority that the cake is amazing..."

Sam stood and reached down towards Elizabeth. "Come on, Jack wants to pontificate about the wonders of marriage and we're wasting his chance."

"Give me a moment?" Elizabeth begged softly.

Sam nodded as she watched Elizabeth stare down at the crumpled napkin. "Don't take too long," she pushed before she walked away.

Elizabeth's fingers cupped the small roundness of her belly and she really looked down at herself. Beyond the aching fullness of her breasts, her stomach had changed without her notice or permission. It seemed that John's child was as confidant as he was that her heart would learn to accept them. Was it her part of the child that made her dizzy? Was it the magnification of her own apprehension that turned her stomach?

"Or hormones..." Elizabeth whispered to herself. Her dress swished around her feet as she finally stood up. With her tears spent, her headache had faded to a foggy feeling that wasn't entirely unpleasant. John was waiting for her, watching as she made her way through the crowd. His arm went immediately around her back.

"Warm enough?" he asked politely. He started to shrug out of his jacket.

Elizabeth started to insist otherwise, but now that she thought about it, she was cold. Letting him hold out his jacket, she slipped her arms into it. "Did you hear from Lorne or Ronon yet?"

"No," he straightened the collar of his Genii dress jacket around her neck. John's lips with thin with concern. "But, Ronon can track Wraith through anything," he shrugged and studied her.

"You look good in black," Jack decided lightly as he snuggled closer to his new wife. "So...do I get a whole night for my honeymoon? Or do you intend to drag me out of my wedded bliss?"

"The mission will wait for you, General," Elizabeth promised softly. John's jacket smelled like him and somehow that calmed her stomach. "We're launching the **Artemis** at thirteen hundred, so you can sleep in."

Jack looked down at his watch and back at her with quiet dismay. "That's only twelve and a half hours from now," he paused and downed the rest of his wine. "Let's go..." he playfully started to drag Sam towards the door.

She laughed and kissed his cheek, glowing as she met his gaze. "We have time," Sam insisted.

Jack rolled his eyes. "We've wasted so much until now and you can still look at me and say we have time?"

Sam laughed again; radiating her joy so palpable warmth suffused the room. John smirked and snuck his fingers inside the jacket over Elizabeth's hip. Cameron, Rodney and Jeannie joined the circle. Madison was fast asleep in her uncle's arms and he was glowing nearly as much as Sam.

"She likes me," he announced in a whisper. "She really likes me."

Jeannie shook her head and accepted the cup Cameron passed to her. "I think they're both the same age mentally," she confided to the group. "Though, you were having a good time as well, John. Maybe I should loan her to you so you get some practice..."

Cameron joined her and chuckled when John looked down shyly. Elizabeth watched as Daniel and Vala disappeared into a darker corner of the balcony. She watched in quiet surprise as Daniel reached for the alien woman's face, pulling her closer to him. Her soft smile as Daniel and Vala kissed made everyone else turn and look. Jack raised an eyebrow and Sam's smile grew a bit brighter.

"Gotta love weddings," Jack teased as he raised his glass. "To Sam, the most beautiful bride in this galaxy, or any other she happens to be in." Laughing as he kissed his wife, he clinked his cup into those of his friends.

* * *

The gate faded as the glistening blue wormhole evaporated. Ronon slammed his fist into the side of it and glared up at the control room. "Empty...again," he growled as he followed Zelenka and Lorne up the stairs towards control.

Zelenka sighed and stared down at his computer. "The DHD on the second planet Teyla took Doctor Beckett to is one of the oldest I've seen and barely in working order," he explained to Lorne because Ronon was no longer listening. "It predates the city by several hundred years, possibly longer than that. We're lucky I was able to get any coordinates from it at all..." he drifted off as Ronon glared at him.

"Fix it," Ronon demanded darkly. "Find them." He didn't look back as he stomped off towards his quarters.

Lorne gave the scientist a sympathetic glance. "How many planets do we have left to check?"

"Thirty-one, based on the address the Lantian library thinks are still viable," Zelenka replied as he straightened his glasses on his nose. "However, it is possible that Teyla was possessed by the Wraith or somehow affected by them and she used gate addresses only known to them.."

"Which means we may never find them," Lorne finished for him. "Why take Beckett? She's much closer to Sheppard or McKay..."

"Perhaps the Wraith have a special hatred for Beckett," Zelenka mused as he plugged his portable computer into the mainframe. "He did come up with the retrovirus that makes them human."

"Do you think they're all right?" Lorne wondered quietly as he watched Zelenka boot up his computer. "It doesn't have to be Wraith, does it? Teyla could just be out of her mind, confused..."

"You think?" Zelenka wondered over the computer. "I don't know if any of us ever get that lucky."

"We'll find them," the major repeated optimistically. He settled in a chair next to Zelenka and waited patiently. "We missed the wedding," he pointed out lazily as he watched the two computers interact. "I was going to head over to the balcony...see if there was any food left..."

Zelenka looked up instantly from his work. "That's a wonderful idea," he interrupted quickly. "Let's go," he insisted as started away from the desk. "All I've had today are those terrible MREs..."

Lorne shared his disgusted face. "We're down to the last of our stores too," he agreed with a wince. "Chili macaroni has got to be one of the worst flavors an MRE can come in. I didn't mind it so much when we still had the BBQ ribs...those at least are covered in sauce so you don't care what it tastes like."

Laughing as he walked along beside him, Zelenka nodded. "I went a few trips with the Russian Stargate teams, back in the Milky Way and my commander used to get into big arguments with the quartermaster when they played cards..."

"Uh-oh," Lorne said, grinning wickedly as they headed down the hall.

"One mission we had nothing, but potted meats and rye bread for two weeks," he explained and shivered at the memory. "We made him stop playing cards after that."

"Good idea," Lorne agreed as he made way for some of the more intoxicated revelers leaving the party. His watch read oh-three hundred and he couldn't help wondering what trouble everyone had gotten into. It wasn't every day a general got married.

Doctor Jackson was up ahead, laughing as he leaned against one of the glowing corners of the grey wall. Vala crashed alongside him a moment later, laughing and finishing the last of her sparkling wine before her metal cup crashed to the floor. She turned into Daniel's arms and Lorne and Zelenka snuck past as she melted his resolve with a kiss.

"Do you think they even saw us?" Lorne wondered with amusement as he hid around the next corner with Zelenka.

Zelenka shook his head quickly. "I don't think they saw anything..." Still fairly amused, he continued down the hall.

When they finally made it out to the grand balcony it was mostly deserted. Sam and Jack were still dancing lazily by the part of the PA system Rodney had rigged up as a stereo. Slow music, unrecognizable and wordless, drifted across the balcony.

"Who had this CD?" Lorne wondered as he tried to place the melody. "I don't..."

"Rodney got it from the database," Zelenka offered as he started at the head of the buffet table. "The Ancients had music from all parts of the galaxy. Some of their archive is older than that DHD..."

Lorne stacked finger foods onto his plate and licked his thumb clean of a dark red sauce. "How long will it take the computer to run the gate addresses?" he asked. Dumping the last of some kind of fruit salad onto one corner of his plate, he paused over the barrel of sparkling wine from the Genii. "Are we going out again tonight?"

Zelenka shook his head and filled a cup of wine. "No, the computer will not be finished with its analysis until after we're moving on the Asuran home world," he explained. Balancing a piece of cake over the top of his cup, he grinned over his food at the major. "I get to manage the shield systems on the city," he said as he stuffed a piece of spiced meat into his mouth. "You?"

"Stand-by in the jumper bay," Lorne replied as he sank onto a bench near the railing. "Transporting medical teams and damage control," he finished.

"Hopefully we'll stay in the bay," Zelenka wished and raised his cup thoughtfully.

Lorne thudded his glass against his friends. "Hopefully the shields won't need any work either," he toasted. Passing his plate across, he pointed at a few piece of meat. "You have to try this, did you get any?"

Reaching across and grabbing a piece with his fingers, Zelenka grinned broadly as he closed his eyes in delight. "Excellent," he replied zestfully. "We should have more weddings," he chuckled as he shoveled rice pilaf into his mouth.

"Who's still over there?" Lorne wondered as he finished his fruit salad.

"General O'Neill," Zelenka started as he glanced over towards the stragglers. "Colonel O'Neill, Colonel Sheppard's sitting in the corner there."

"We should report to him," Lorne sighed as he finished his the last of the food on his plate. He ran a piece of bread over his plate and cleaned up the last of the sauces. "He's not going to be happy."

Zelenka nodded and shared Lorne's sigh of resignation. "Do you see Doctor Weir?" he asked apprehensively. "She's going to give us that look..."

Lorne winced and collected Zelenka's empty plate. "I hate that look," he agreed softly. "Least we didn't lose Sheppard..."

Zelenka shuddered and followed Lorne over to the bins full of dishes. "Who drew dish duty?"

"Edison's team," Lorne answered with a wicked smile. "They're the most behind on their mission reports." They both shook their heads. "Ready?"

"Yes," Zelenka replied nervously as he glanced over in the corner.

* * *

John had watched her dance with everyone; Rodney, Doctor Jackson, Teal'c, Jack, and many of his own troops. He had missed Teyla's quiet presence and hearing what she thought about an Earth wedding ceremony. Major Lorne had saved him nearly as often as Ronon had and if anyone could track her and Beckett down, it would be the two of them.

Elizabeth hadn't finished her thought. Whatever she had meant to say before the alarm had been lost to her worries that followed. Carson and Teyla were part of her expedition; her people. After they went missing, nothing in her life mattered. No small nuance of emotion that passed between her and her lover could make up for her people being missing.

He wondered sometimes if that was all he was. If he was just the man in her bed; the man who fathered the child she was terrified of. John smiled softly as he watched Sam and Jack sway to the music and remembered the end of his own wedding. The smell of starch in his dress blues ran through his mind with the trace of perfume he remembered.

He'd been so young then. She'd been young and laughing in his arms. There was no Replicator fleet bearing down on them. No insane ascended beings taunting their dreams. Back then it had been him and her and the vows of two innocents who thought it would last forever. Maybe that was why it failed. There was nothing more than love between them and they had failed.

Elizabeth's head was heavy and warm in his lap. Her dark hair cascaded down over his thigh and tangled into his hand. He rubbed the back of her head lazily, calming her as she slept. He wondered if she knew he was there; if she was becoming used to his constant presence. He'd given up off-world travel and the dangerous missions that had become his forte. He'd given up his team, traded them for her and the child sleeping within her and she couldn't even meet his eyes and confess her feelings for him. That was assuming she felt anything at all.

Someone touched his shoulder, startling him from his thoughts. Zelenka and Lorne circled around him and Lorne knelt down to his level. "We haven't found them yet, Sir," he whispered.

"Are you continuing the search?" John whispered back. Glancing down at Elizabeth, he wondered if she would forgive him for not waking her.

Lorne nodded and Zelenka added gruffly; "We're waiting for the computer to sort out the rest of the possible gate addresses." He explained softly. "Thought we'd get something to eat..."

"...was it a good wedding, Sir?" Lorne wondered in a more personal tone. Addressing his commander out of uniform at a party didn't count as a formal situation, and he watched the colonel start to smile.

"Yeah," John explained contentedly. "Everyone really enjoyed it."

"It was short then, Sir?" Lorne teased, remembering how apprehensive John had been about attending earlier that day.

"Elizabeth does a nice wedding," John replied as he stretched his shoulders as carefully as he could. Part of his back was starting to go numb from the way he was sitting, but he couldn't bring himself to wake her. "She's probably going to be booked solid after this one," he guessed with a soft smile. "It'll be the middle of next year before we get a name for the baby worked out."

"The baby?" Zelenka tightened his forehead in thought for a moment, his eyes wandered down Elizabeth's sleeping form and he remembered. "Right," he answered himself in a strained whisper. "Doctor Weir must need her sleep."

"I don't know if I can move her without waking her up," John confessed sheepishly. "I thought maybe she'd wake up eventually..." he met Major Lorne's shy smile.

"I could help you, Sir, if you promise she won't hold it against me," Lorne offered as he squared his feet beneath him.

Zelenka held his finger over his lips and nodded. "Won't say a word," he promised innocently.

Lorne's strong hands slipped beneath Elizabeth's back and he pulled her in towards his chest before he stood up. He bit his lip for a moment, breathing out as the weight bore down on his legs. John slipped from the bench and stretched his arms and back, twisting for a moment before he turned back to his second-in-command.

"I've got her," Lorne promised, trying not to think about the look Elizabeth would give him if she woke up in his arms. "Take your time," he assured John, thinking he'd probably get stuck with kitchen duty for a month. She moaned slightly, turning her head closer in to his shoulder. He remembered being able to tell as a child which parent carried him in from the car by the scent and wondered if she tell him from John in the same fashion.

John rolled his neck over his shoulders and tried to ease the tension from his body. "She's been asleep for over an hour," he explained gently as he tried to coax the stiffness out. "I was talking to Jeannie and Rodney. Jeannie was joking about Maddie falling asleep in Rodney's arms, and then she got to tease me for Elizabeth."

"It's late," Lorne allowed quietly in Elizabeth's defense. He shifted Elizabeth's arm, keeping it from being pined to his chest. It went without saying among his men that she was entirely out of reach. Firstly because of her position, and then later when the military started to notice the way their colonel looked at her. He shuffled his feet, finding the most comfortable way to stand. He'd seen the way she looked when he didn't come home and he had lost count of the times he'd been pulled from his mission to find Sheppard's team on some forsaken, dangerous world. His mother had said love was knowing that someone's waiting for you to come home. It had always been his father as a child who waited for his wife to return.

"Rodney was worried about her," Zelenka remembered as he watched John shake out his arms. "He kept wondering if she was getting enough sleep. He can really be quite thoughtfully, in his way..."

John grinned secretively. "Don't tell him that," he interjected quickly. "It'll go to his head," he teased. He stretched his arms once more and walked over to the major. "Okay," he requested gently. "Thank you, Major."

Lorne transferred the sleeping weight of his expedition leader into the arms of his commanding officer. Elizabeth stirred again, but as he adjusted her up against his chest she quieted. He watched the look of relief pass over John's face. "All part of the service, Sir," he offered softly.

Zelenka's lips twitched in amusement. "We'll report when we know more," he assured the colonel. "The computer should be done with the sorting of gate addresses soon."

"We're letting the team get some sleep, Sir," Lorne whispered when Zelenka looked to him. "We thought we'd gate out after the battle and plan on using New Athos as a base of operations."

"Okay," John agreed with a slight nod. His arms were already feeling the strain on his muscles. "I'll expect your report in the morning, eleven hundred?"

"Yes Sir," Lorne replied easily, burying his smirk. Elizabeth would have expected his report by nine or ten. John was much more lenient, and he suspected, just as tired as she was.

"Think they're alright?" Zelenka wondered as he watched his leaders disappeared into the darkness of the hallway.

"As much as any of us," Lorne replied calmly. "Come on, let's go check the computer and get to sleep before we have to fight the good fight against the Replicators."

"You did say sleep in there somewhere, didn't you?"

* * *

Carson spat blood out on the floor of the jumper and mentally catalogued his injuries. The blinding pain in his ribs was the most excruciating, but hardly the most dangerous of his injuries. The dark spot in the left of his vision was growing, starting to creep across all of one eye. He hadn't paid much attention during the last seminar he'd attended on how to best reattach a retina. There'd been a lovely redhead on his left and the prospect of her smile had been much more intriguing than the discussion of retinal sheering. Hoping Doctor Wallace or Doctor Biro were more current on the technique, Carson turned his pounding head towards his attacker.

Teyla sat hunched near the rear hatch of the jumper. Something was coming for her. Sometimes she babbled to herself, falling into moments of complete incoherence. Her hair was a tangled mess that fell over her face. She had been herself enough to know he could fly the jumper, but there was little more than that. She beat him when he argued with her.

The swollen knot of flesh on his chest was from the one moment he tried to resist. The at least two of the ribs beneath were broken. His lung ached with each breath, but it didn't gurgle in his chest; his injuries would still heal. Teyla's eyes had gone black hours ago. He wasn't sure what had started the transformation, perhaps it was part of her Wraith DNA, but something within her was changing.

The last time she'd touched him her skin had been cold and clammy like the Wraith arm he had kept in his laboratory in the city. Carson pulled the silver emergency blanket tighter around his shoulders and wondered how cold it was on the planet she'd dragged him to. He didn't have enough internal injuries to be in shock, and the snow on the window of the jumper was oddly beautiful. It had been a long time since he'd seen snow. Carson smiled slightly before the dried blood on his swollen lips stopped the motion.

She hadn't said when she was letting him go. Teyla hadn't eaten, or let him eat anything. Carson wasn't sure it occurred to her that she still needed food. He moved his arm, reaching out painfully for the power bars in the emergency kit. His cold fingers fumbled with the wrapper and when he finally opened it the vanilla flavor of the bar was mixed with the blood in his mouth.

He could hear Teyla moving around the rear of the cabin, but it was warmer in the front. He'd never seen her like this; prowling like an animal as she waited for something. Light poured in through the front window of the jumper, bathing him in a bluish glow. It was what she was waiting for. He turned painfully in his chair to watch her running out towards the light. Something cold twisted his stomach and Carson realized the half-heard voices outside the jumper were Wraith.

He slapped anxiously at the dashboard, activating the cloak just as the Wraith patrols walked by in the swirling snow. Teyla was with them, her dark eyes searching the area for a moment. She pointed back towards the light, not even feeling the cold on her bare skin, and the Wraith guards hurried to obey. A moment later she was in the jumper behind him. She moved impossibly quickly now. He could feel the slight warmth of her breath on his neck.

"Michael," Teyla choked on the word, clearing her throat before she continued, "Wanted to kill you." Her hand closed around his shoulder, softer than she'd touched him since she'd taken him. "Get out of here," she ordered in a hiss. "Wait; then go..."

For a moment her eyes looked nearly brown again.

"...don't come after me," Teyla whispered as firmly as she could. "Not Ronon, not John...don't let anyone..." She shuddered, nearly falling to the floor of the jumper as pain lanced through her head. When she stood up again she was all Wraith. Carson remembered the buzzing feeling of the Queen's presence from the time she'd been in his lab in the city.

Teyla's eyes were jet black and her cinnamon skin was greenish and pale in the weak light. "Goodbye Doctor," she said menacingly. "Be thankful Teyla's will is as strong as my desire to see you dead."

"Michael?" he asked insanely. He knew the accent, even if it came from her mouth. "Let her go, Lad..."

More pain in the back of his head, and then quiet darkness fell all around him.

* * *

Elizabeth clung to the control panel in front of her as the entire city shook. Weapons fire lanced orange off the shields and bathed the room in light before it dissipated.

"Shields holding at ninety percent," Zelenka reported from one of the computers. "We managed to block some of the fire."

"And the **Odyssey**?" Elizabeth bit her lip as Rodney looked up from his displays.

He didn't have a poker face, even in the midst of a battle. "There aren't any power readings..." he trailed off and stared down at his controls. "We have to shut down the weapons platform on the planet. Our ships can't take that kind of bombardment."

Elizabeth nodded, reaching for her earpiece. "John, did you hear that?"

* * *

Far below the control center, John heard her voice cut through the haze of the city's navigational systems. He could see it all in his mind. The **Artemis** and the **Daedalus** were safe behind the bubble of the Atlantis city-ship's shields. Nothing the Asurans had been able to throw at him had even made much of a dent yet.

"The **Asgard** weapon is still charging," John reported back up to Elizabeth. His voice sounded a million kilometers away, as if someone else was using it. "Just a few more minutes," he lost interest in speaking as an Asuran battleship challenged the city. Using the beam weapons, blue light lanced out and bored through the enemy ship's shields. In a stunning display of power, he ripped through their hull and cut into their power core. The explosion followed a microsecond later.

* * *

In the control center, Elizabeth covered her eyes as the blinding white explosion of another Asuran ship blasted through the room. "General..."

"We're okay," Jack's voice crackled over the intercom. "We were hoping to get close enough to take some fire off the Odyssey..." he paused as something exploded in the background. Elizabeth could hear the crackling of sparks. "We got a little banged up, but we're alright."

"Colonel Caldwell?" she continued her rounds, making sure what was left of her fleet was all accounted for.

"The **Daedalus** is fine, Atlantis," Caldwell promised grimly over the radio. "Sheppard put the city right between us and that platform."

"Why the hell didn't we see that coming?" Elizabeth hissed over at Rodney. His fingers flew over the console and quiet resignation overtook his usual bravado.

"The power cells must be shielded somehow," Rodney explained quietly. His quiet expression was entirely too serious. "It didn't look like a weapon...I thought they might be launching a city ship..." he stumbled over the words.

Elizabeth patted his shoulder. He did his best.

"They took out the Odyssey's shields in one shot...even with a ZPM," Zelenka murmured behind him. "We've never even seen that kind of power, Doctor Weir; none of us."

"The **Daedalus** and the **Artemis** are both safely behind our shields?" she double checked before she could lose any more precious lives. Everyone around her nodded in agreement.

The lights in the control center dimmed for a moment. John's voice carried across the radio into her ear. "I'm firing the Asgard weapon; everyone might want to hang on..."

* * *

The entire city jerked as if it had impacted hard against something. The lights stayed weak and grew dimmer as he continued to fire. From his place in the chair John saw the wave of light begin as a point on the planet's surface before it began to expand outward. He could feel the vibrating of the city around him as most of the power of all three ZPMs went into blasting the Asuran home world out of existence.

"The field needs to cover the entire planet," Rodney reminded him excitedly through his comm.

John nodded up towards the ceiling, feeling the struggle between weapons and shields in the power systems of the city. He stole power from everywhere else, taking the systems offline one by one in his head.

* * *

Up in the control center, the lights went out completely. Rodney pulled up his hands. "Sheppard's taking all of the power," he explained defensively as Elizabeth looked at him. "That damn weapon will cut through our shields if he doesn't."

Zelenka nodded sagely behind Rodney's head. "I suggest you hang onto something," he reminded them just in time. The inertial dampeners had been sacrificed in favor of the shields and only Rodney flattening her against the console kept Elizabeth from being knocked from her feet. In the darkness, the orange light from the planet's defense made the city look like it was bathed in fire.

Rodney kept his arm around her back, and didn't move away from her body. In John's absence, he seemed determined to protect her. The city rocked with a deep shaking that made her teeth chatter in her head. The orange light left them in darkness again as the Asurans recharged and prepared to fire again.

* * *

Down below, John watched the energy wave grow like a flower on the surface of Asura. Covering the whole planet was the only way to make sure every nanite was destroyed. It was beautiful as the energy pulsed outward like a living thing. It was going too slowly. The energy wave would take too long to encompass the planet, John realized. If Atlantis' shields faltered, the Asuran weapon would certainly destroy both the **Artemis** and the **Daedalus.**

Slowly, he began to draw power from the shields. Voices demanded to know what he was doing, but it took all of his concentration to maintain the fragile balance of energy. One wrong move and more power than anyone in the city understood would explode outward, bursting conduits like a hundred dams. Right now the Asgard weapon needed the power, sucking everything he could give it like a starving creature.

Turning all the shields towards the planet, he forced himself to speak. "I had to divert from the shields," John called up towards the ceiling. "They'll protect the city and our ships from that weapon, but not much else." There were still nine Replicator warships out there. Three of them were bigger than anything he'd seen of Asuran technology so far.

"We hear you, Sheppard," Jack's voice drifted through from the **Artemis**. "Carter and Caldwell will just have to keep the little ones off your back while you fry the planet."

The space battle went on as a dance in the corner of his mind. As the energy wave continued to expand across the surface of the planet, the vicious orange beam of the Asuran weapon burned into the shields covering the belly of the city. He could almost feel the energy of it in his back, as if a grenade had gone off beneath him. The weapon on the planet fired again, testing the edges of the shield.

The **Daedalus** skirted the edge of the safe zone, locked in combat with one of the largest warships. The **Daedalus** helm tried to stay safely inside, but some kind of concussive charge knocked it back. The warship followed, blasting away at the careening vessel.

John felt the weapon fire before he saw it. The Asuran gunner had the **Daedalus** and he knew it. As if he were reaching out a hand, John stretched the protective bubble of the shields outward and caught the **Daedalus** like a ball in his hand. For a moment, he sighed in relief as the **Artemis** swept in to devastate the warship. In that moment, fire from the planet blasted through the south pier of the city. In the chair it was hard to separate himself from the city. He felt the blast as if it had slammed into his leg.

Atlantis bled air and debris. The jumper teams scrambled from the bay, intent on sealing the breach. The south pier was mostly empty; everyone had been evacuated to the very center of the city. Fallout from the explosions ran through the pier. Power conduits ruptured before he could shut them down. The overload rushed up towards the control tower. John finally cut off the cascading energy by letting one of the vents explode outward instead of running back up to the people in control.

On the planet, the field of blue energy continued to expand, reaching out to cover more and more of the surface. The huge weapons platform on the planet fired once more before going silent as the wave passed over it.

Pulling the last of the power away from the shields, John coaxed the blue energy field around the planet into a bubble, washing away everything that was left on Asura. He pictured the silver dust left behind drifting on the wind. One of the battleships left in orbit started to fire and he watched the Artemis intercept them with a wave of missiles. In a few seconds, that ship too was destroyed. Feeling the final blast scorch the belly of the city, he hoped everyone above him was safe.

"General O'Neill, Colonel Caldwell," he caught them both on the comm. "The planet has been neutralized; feel free to leave the city-shield."

"Acknowledged," Caldwell returned quickly.

"Good work," General O'Neill replied cheerfully. "And good hunting."

John concentrated on bringing other systems back online. The Asgard weapon stopped rumbling deep in his mind and went quiet.

* * *

Up in the control room the lights came on through a haze of smoke. Elizabeth stared up at the apologetic face of Rodney over her and reached up to his shoulder. He stared down at her, sheepishly looking at the hand covering her slightly rounded belly before he pulled it away.

"I'm alright," she promised softly. He was heavy against her and she could smell the nervous sweat on his neck. The wall behind them had exploded outward with energy, if Rodney hadn't been so quick to knock her down Elizabeth would have certainly spent some time in the infirmary.

He climbed to his feet and offered his hand down to her. Tackling her to the floor seemed a little overprotective in hindsight. "Sorry, I heard the sparks, thought you shouldn't..."

Elizabeth's wave cut off his apology. "Thank you," she replied gently. "Is everyone alright?"

Blood ran down Charles' face from a nasty cut on his forehead, but his expression was resolute. Walter had caught some of the sparks, and his t-shirt bore the scorched marks to prove it. Both of them just nodded and went back to their stations.

"I'm okay, Rodney, really," Elizabeth promised again as the city shook beneath their feet. He held onto her arm until the shaking stopped.

"Right," he replied softly before turning back to his controls. "There are only dormant power signatures coming from the planet," he reported and looked up, suddenly grinning. "I think it worked."

"How many ships are left?" Elizabeth asked hopefully. The planet had been defeated, but the fleet had been extensive at the beginning of the battle.

"Eight," Rodney reported as he shared a glance with Zelenka. "We've already destroyed six of them..."

"Seven," Walter corrected as another ship exploded into a ball of white flames and sparkling metal. "The **Artemis** got another one."

"Two points for Carter..." Zelenka noted from behind her. Elizabeth pursed her lips and decided she didn't want to know what parts of her staff were scoring their space battles.

"John?" she tapped her radio and pictured him sitting in the chair with his eyes closed.

"The Asgard weapon is recharging," he reported in the distant tone he always took in the control chair. "I'll try to take some of them intact."

Elizabeth looked over Rodney's shoulder and watched as the **Artemis** and the Daedalus took out another Replicator ship. In the middle of the battle, the dead husk of the Odyssey hung lifeless in space. Fifty precious lives had been lost in one shot of the enemy weapon.

Rodney followed her gaze. "We didn't know," he tried to reassure her. "It could have just as easily been the **Daedalus** or the **Artemis** that was closest to the planet when they fired."

Elizabeth didn't dare tell him how glad she was the **Artemis** had survived. Losing Jack and Sam in their moment of happiness would have been more of a blow to morale than the city could stand. As it was she had another funeral to plan. Another fifty names to commit to the status 'deceased' in her logs. Touching her eyes to prevent the tears from coming, Elizabeth turned back to the battle. Life went on.


	21. numb

John crawled out of the chair six hours after the fleet had dropped out of hyper-space in orbit of Asura. He stumbled on caught the arm of the chair before lowering himself to the floor. Leaning back against the edge he tried to remind his body how to function without the city. He could still feel the tingling sensation of hyperspace travel.

The salvage teams had finally finished. Three more Replicator battleships had landed on the intact piers of the city. The _Artemis_ and the _Daedalus_ were flying under their own power, but none of the stolen replicator ships had been capable of flight. He was already five minutes late for the debriefing. Elizabeth already had another set of memorials to plan, if she ever gave herself the time to do so. The names of the dead were already blurred together in his mind.

He dragged himself to his feet, feeling the aching muscles of his body protest being used again. His back burned and the emptiness in his stomach he'd ignored for the last five hours demanded his attention.

Rodney would have food, John realized with a half-smile. There would be food at the meeting if he got himself up there. The hallway swam in front of his vision. He clung to the wall for a moment and then found his feet. He'd have to ask Carson about the seemingly inevitable hangover that followed after he was in the chair longer than a few hours.

He was waiting for the transporter when he remembered Carson was missing. He'd have to ask Simon, or wait for Carson to return. Waiting for Carson to return seemed like the better option; he still couldn't look at Simon without wanting, on a primitive level, to just smack him. He should be getting better, becoming more accepting of Elizabeth's past.

Simon nearly walked into him as John stepped out of the transporter.

"Sorry," John apologized quickly. There was nothing, but polite concern in the other man's eyes and he reminded himself that Elizabeth had loved this man. He had to be a good person. He gave in and let Simon help him regain his balance. "The chair gives me a bit of a hangover," he admitted when Simon's gaze turned professionally concerned. "Like too many drinks on an empty stomach."

"I'll check you out when I get a chance," Simon stopped nervously, "I mean, if that's okay with you."

John scratched his fingers through his hair and nodded sheepishly. "Okay," he agreed softly. "How were the casualties?"

"Fairly light," Simon replied with a sigh of relief. "The infirmary has a few burn victims, some people who got to close to an explosive decompression. The battle went fairly well, didn't it?" He watched the haunted look in John's eyes and corrected himself. "Other than the _Odyssey_, I mean," Simon hurried to add.

"This is war, Doctor," John explained as he circled the table towards his chair at Elizabeth's side. "If something good happens, don't argue with it."

Simon walked past him towards the end of the table. He'd never had to attend one of these briefings before. Doctor Coleman had volunteered to go in his place, but when Elizabeth radioed the infirmary she'd asked for him. Doctor Jackson slyly patted the table next to him.

"Doctor Wallace?" he asked expectantly.

Simon extended his hand quickly. "Yes, thank you," he replied as he shook the hand and sat. "I'm sorry though, you are?"

"Daniel Jackson," Daniel offered pleasantly. "Don't worry; Jack's the only one you really need to worry about."

General O'Neill tapped his hand on the table, quietly bringing the meeting to order. "I'll be blunt," he began, "Colonel Emerson was a good man with a fine crew and we all feel their loss." He paused a moment, looking around the table before he continued. "But this is not the time. We have three new ships. McKay, what's their status?"

"The largest one will take a bit longer to repair than the other two," Rodney explained as he called up the schematics on the screen behind him. "It's a Dreadnought, easily twice the size of the _Artemis_, no offense Colonel Carter," he paused for a moment as Sam shook her head and smiled. "It takes two ZPMs to power it, and as far as I can tell, it is the second largest ship in this galaxy..."

"...a few of these were probably used to destroy Earth," Zelenka interrupted when Rodney failed to say it. "Along with the Replicator's city-ship."

"Their version of the Atlantis city-ship was not on the planet," Teal'c confirmed. "Though ground teams were able to recover many crates of small arms and a total of seven ZPMs, most of the Replicator technology is useless to our purposes."

"Many of their devices emit too much radiation to be safe for human use," Zelenka explained as Rodney nodded.

"Their hand-held weapons are fairly simple to use and rather powerful," Rodney added optimistically. "The ground-based weapon that destroyed the Odyssey is in a class of energy weapons I had pervious thought were too unstable to exist. It needs to draw energy directly from subspace and produces enough exotic particles to destroy this entire solar system..."

"...why they were even using it is entirely beyond us," Zelenka piped up as he shook his head. "It is possible it was just a prototype, something they were developing and planned to use against us at a later time..."

"...what Zelenka is saying," Rodney interrupted firmly, "Is that we're all lucky to be sitting here. I suggest getting to a safe distance and using a controlled overload to destroy the planet."

"Rodney," Elizabeth's tone warned, "Destroy the planet?" Her lips thinned. "You just said that weapon produced enough exotic particles to put this entire system in danger."

"We can't chance anyone else finding it," John explained darkly as he leaned back in his chair. "We were tempted to take it, imagine something like this in the hands of the Genii, or the Wraith..."

"How far is far enough?" Jack asked practically. "Outside the solar system?"

"Maybe farther," Rodney clarified with deep apprehension. "Even a controlled overload will destroy everything within three billion kilometers of the planet."

"Scorch the fields and salt the earth?" Daniel wondered philosophically as Jack shrugged.

"Sometimes the Romans really had things right," Jack agreed with a slight sarcastic smile. The general forward, resting his arms on the table as he looked over all the grim faces around him.

"Actually there's a lot of debate whether or not they did that," Daniel replied as he straightened his glasses. "Salt would have been very expensive..."

"...okay, so we back off from the planet and destroy the weapon," John dragged the conversation back to the topic. "Wait," he turned over to Rodney, "Why aren't we destroying it from orbit?"

"Destroying it will just trigger the chain reaction," Rodney explained irritably. "This weapon is a menace; it should never have been created."

Jack tapped the table again to draw attention back to the point. "Destroy the system," he noted easily. "Doctors...what's the damage report on the city?"

"The South pier is in rough shape," Rodney started with a heavy sigh. Zelenka called up the schematic of the damage and began the dire explanation of what they'd need to do to put the city right again.

* * *

Elizabeth's back hurt. Hitting the floor had been harder on her than she'd felt at the time, and the ache had been building since the battle. She sat back against the wall. It didn't matter if it was already past midnight and he'd lecture her when he came back; she needed to wait.

Ronon's proposal lay open on her computer in front of her. He'd really gone to a lot of trouble to meet the formal requirements she held her scientists to. Elizabeth couldn't help wondering if he'd had some assistance with the Earth-based formatting. That distraction only helped her avoid thinking about the heart of the proposal as she squirmed in the bed.

The ache in her back shot pain up her spine like fingers of electricity. She crossed her legs and leaned forward until it eased. Rodney had tried to get her to join the mass of people filing in and out of the infirmary but she'd avoided the subject. As far as she had been able to tell when she stripped out of her uniform all she had were a few bruises waiting beneath the skin. She didn't need to take time away from people with real injuries. With Carson missing, doctors were in short supply.

Elizabeth dragged her itchy eyes back down to the computer in front of her. Ronon's initial suggestion was concise and to the point; the rest of his report only detailed how he would carry it out. She was stuck on his thesis:

"The civilians from Earth need immediate military training," Elizabeth murmured aloud. Thinking for a moment, she tossed the computer angrily towards the end of the bed. It wasn't Ronon's fault. He brought valiant attention to something everyone from Earth seemed to be trying desperately to avoid. These people were refugees, she reminded herself as she rubbed at the dull ache in her forehead.

How many times had she delivered crates of weapons to refugees on other worlds? How many shipments of food and medical supplies had been sent to people displaced by the Wraith so they could rebuild and continue to fight for their survival? The cold knot in her stomach insisted over and over that Ronon was right.

No one had the option of simply being a refugee anymore. The three weeks since Earth had been laid to waste were more time than anyone in the war-torn Pegasus galaxy was usually allowed to grieve. The signs were all around her. The ships sitting patiently on the piers of the city didn't need parts, or power supplies to function; they needed personnel. The Dreadnought alone would need at least a hundred hands.

Leaning back until her tired eyes stared up at the quiet ceiling, Elizabeth sighed as the lead weight settled over her chest. "He's right," she reminded herself. Even in the darkest parts of his report, Ronon was right. A child could be taught to fire a hand-held stunner as soon as their hands could hold the grip. Teenagers were responsible enough to trust on ships.

The churning of her stomach was a mess of guilt and hormones. She'd talked Niam into leaving his people. She'd turned him into the monster that led the attack on Earth. Elizabeth stumbled slightly as she left the bed. She stood in the middle of their quarters for a moment and tried to convince her stomach to retain her supper.

She started to cry as she began retching. She'd been toying happily with the idea of introducing John to her mother on the next trip to SGC. Her mother would have met them in Colorado. Her eyes would have glowed with pride when the shock of becoming a grandmother had finally worn off. Barely digested bread slid mushily over her tongue as she spat it up into the toilet.

She rolled away from it, reaching up to flush the mess as tears ran rebelliously down her face. There would be no moments with her mother explaining to her that the changes in her body were nothing to fear. There would be no shared stories, no new history written between them. There was only the invisible life inside of her that she understood as poorly as she'd managed Rodney's first explanation of the quantum physics of wormhole theory.

Staring down at her own stomach, Elizabeth watched tears disappear into the black fabric of her stolen t-shirt. The dampness of them brought out the smell of John left in it. John was with her. In the darkness ahead of her, he would be with her. Her crying slowed as she stood up. Staring at the glass door of the shower in the half-light, Elizabeth pulled up John's shirt.

Her belly was only rounded outward a handful of centimeters, but she barely recognized it as her own. Running her hand slowly down her skin, she looked deeply at her own reflection. Elizabeth wasn't sure when she'd been outside. Her face was closer to white than pink. She hadn't even told John about the sudden recurrence of her nausea. He had enough to worry about. Sighing as she splashed cold water on her face, she leaned heavily against the sink.

The city had enough water, she reassured herself. The great tanks still held enough water to meet their needs for the next three months. Food was greater on her list of worries. The Athosians had been more than gracious but they could not continue to support the refugees. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this, she'd negotiated for the safety and care of refugees fleeing totalitarian regimes and natural catastrophes, but they had never been her refugees. The people of Atlantis were her people on the brink of a thousand terrible fates; her team stood between all that was left of Earth and lasting oblivion.

Turning from the sink, she vomited again. Her stomach heaved inside her ribs, leaving her gasping for air as the chill of the floor crept into her legs.

* * *

"Mind if I?" Simon asked as he pointed at his bowl of stew.

"No," John replied with quietly pulling himself up onto the bed in the infirmary. "It's hard to fit the time in to do anything around here."

"I don't think I've been this busy since I was an intern," Simon mused as he took a few bites and activated the scanner. "Any headaches?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," John sighed and scratched the back of his head. "You don't think the chair's doing something?"

"I'm afraid this Ancient technology's mostly Greek to me," Simon offered apologetically as he waited for the scanner to finish. "Carson's been trying to teach me, but I couldn't even get my computer to turn on reliably back home, Elizabeth used to always..."

For a moment the air was thick and cold between them. John felt his throat tighten while the embarrassed flush crept across the other man's face.

"...I didn't mean to," Simon struggled somewhere between apology and something darker.

"She's good with things," John bridged the gap between them with a faint smile. "Sometimes she actually understands what Rodney's talking about."

"You must love her," Simon said abruptly staring John down over his empty bowl. "It's nearly impossible not to," he added softly. "She got into parts of my heart I wasn't entirely sure I had." Running his hand nervously through his hair, he rubbed his hand against his white coat before extending it to John. "You'll take care of her," it wasn't a question.

John shook off the hazy feeling in his head before reaching out to take Simon's hand in friendship. "She does," he paused hesitating with the heat of Simon's hand in his palm. The other man's eyes were resolute and warm. He managed a wry smile before taking his hand back to rest in his lap. "She always keeps her eyes on me."

"Good," Simon replied simply. "Your electrolytes are off," he reported as he set his bowl down and turned his full attention to the display. "Here's the problem," he tapped a graph and a set of mysterious numbers. "Some neurotransmitters are severely depleted while others are elevated. It looks like the most serious shortage is in your motor cortex." Drumming his fingers on the table next to display, he knit his eyebrows thoughtfully. "How do you move the city?" he asked finally. "Do you consciously think about it? Or just move it like it was a part of you?"

"Somewhere between," John answered with a shrug. "To be honest I don't really think about it much."

"Your brain wasn't designed to run a city several kilometers across, much less fly it through space," Simon paused with a slight smile, "Though it is trying."

"So?" John waited, trying to understand what Simon was getting at. He moved his hand, trying to get the feeling back into the tips of his fingers as he wiggled them.

"You have mental fatigue," the doctor explained as he sank into his chair. Running his hands briskly across his head, Simon slid his chair back into his desk. "You need sleep; I'm also going to recommend that you limit your time in the chair to four hours before you take a break." He turned back, standing up to turn off the display and start straightening up the infirmary as he had meant to do a long time ago.

"The chair needs to be manned whenever we make a significant course-correction, and through entire battles..." John argued self-sacrificially. "If it's just my reflexes being a little wonky..."

"This could kill you," Simon interrupted as he stared John down. "Just because I can't tell you how, or why it will right now doesn't mean it couldn't. I need time to study it and until I do, you'll need to take it slowly. Switch off with everyone else, try to take turns. Come up with a schedule."

"Make it a hot seat?" John asked with a quiet smile. Staggering off the bed, he grabbed a corner of the desk and straightened himself out when his balance failed to keep him upright. His legs were weaker than he expected.

Simon's eyes flashed knowingly but he politely said nothing. "Something like that," he yawned, covering his mouth for a moment as he waited to regain his ability to speak, "Look, it's late I have a lot of work to do, don't you have something..."

John smirked and tried to come up with a witty comment, but his exhaustion won out. "Like get back to my quarters and try to decide where we're going?" he wondered sardonically.

"You don't know?" Simon asked as his eyes widened in surprise. He studied John's quiet expression for a hint that he was joking. Finding nothing he turned away, faintly stunned. "That'll teach me to ask."

"Welcome to the Pegasus Galaxy, Doc," John finished as he headed for the door.

* * *

The scent of blood hung in his nostrils, metallic through the frozen air. Ronon's feet crunched through snow across the surface of M32-471. It was the third planet that night, but no one on Major Lorne's team was complaining. Zelenka pointed across the white landscape in front of them, his voice muffled by the dark scarf across his mouth.

"Over there," he yelled hopefully as he peered through the snow. "Energy readings," he explained as he struggled to keep up with Ronon.

This planet was different than the last two; Ronon could feel it in his gut that she had been here. There were no tracks in the snow; no sign of anyone in the icy wilderness, but he knew in the pit of his stomach. His eyes caught the jumper, nearly buried in a drift of snow just as Lorne's voice cut through the wind.

"We've got them," Lorne called into his radio as he followed Ronon's sprint to the craft. Snow flew up behind Ronon's feet, blending in with the rest of the blizzard as he ran through it.

Inside the jumper was silence, the wind howled around them but the jumper was still as death. Carson lay passed out on the console, frost and frozen blood covering the floor beneath him. A silver emergency blanket was around his shoulders, but they were motionless. Ronon just stood at the entrance because it was only Carson.

"Is he alive?" Ronon wondered dully. The wind whistled menacingly around the mental of the jumper as Lorne checked Carson's pulse.

"Pulse is weak, but steady," Lorne reported softly moving Carson's white fingers away from the controls. "The jumper's functional; we should probably get everyone on board, fly him back..."

"Yeah," Ronon agreed without emotion. "Get him home," he repeated reminding himself that there was a slim possibility that Teyla was still on the planet. Wraith had been here to take her; he had been able to smell the frozen traces of them near the gate.

"I got the last set of addresses dialed from the gate," Zelenka promised hopefully trying to cheer Ronon up. "We'll compile a new list; head out as soon as we get a go."

Ronon nodded quickly and turned his attention to the friend he had found. Lorne's medic, Doctor Keller, hurried in with Lieutenant Kunze as the jumper door shut out the snow. He could still see the cloud of vapor formed from his breath as Keller started to check out Carson's injuries. He knew that tight-lipped doctors were a bad sign.

"Doctor?" he prodded as he dropped a hand to her shoulder.

Keller shook her head. "Hypothermia, frostbite on his extremities, abdomen's rigid, his left pupil isn't responding to any stimuli," her voice trailed off ominously. "Help me warm him up..."

Lorne slipped into the pilot's seat and activated the controls. "He deactivated the cloak so we'd find him," he realized as started the flight systems.

"How long ago?" Ronon demanded as he helped Keller try to rub circulation back into Carson's extremities. The little doctor knelt on the floor by his feet and stripped off his shoes.

"Two hours, maybe three by the amount of power drained from the batteries," Lorne reported as the jumper took off. Taking a moment to deal with the shifting winds, he righted the craft and headed for the gate.

Staring across the white flesh at Keller's intent expression, Ronon's concern was silent in his eyes. "How are his feet?"

"As bad as his hands," Keller replied grimly as she started to rub his toes quickly between her hands. "Can we have some more heat Major?"

"Got it," Lorne replied as he maxed out the heating controls and guided the jumper towards the gate. "We'll be home soon."

Looking into Carson's glassy eyes, Ronon hoped it would be soon enough. The hand he held in his own didn't even feel like a living thing; the flesh was so cold it felt like clay in his hands. "What's wrong with his eye?" he wondered. Something in Carson's left eye had stained the pupil, leaving it grey instead of black.

"Retina bleeding," Keller replied softly. "I don't know if we'll be able to fix it, maybe if we had found him a few hours ago..."

"Will he live?" Zelenka asked for everyone in the jumper.

Keller shrank further into the console instinctively before she answered; "I don't know the extent of his injuries, someone's beaten him fairly badly."

"Teyla," Ronon interrupted as he set down Carson's hand on his lap. Running his hands over the bruises on the side of the unconscious man's face, he recognized the pattern left by one of the Athosian maneuvers she'd taught him. He could see where her hands had been and picture the quick snap of her arm as she'd hurt their friend. "The Wraith within her did this."

* * *

John caught the edge of his doorway gratefully. In his exhaustion the hallway to that point had been longer than he remembered it ever being. The foggy feeling in his extremities had moved upward as the night had gone on and crawling into bed was the best idea he had ever had.

Elizabeth's computer lay open and forgotten on the bed and her shoes were abandoned near the bed on the floor. He dropped to the bed, pulling off his boots without untying them and fell back. John could have fallen asleep then without another thought, but his ears refused to let him.

There was a sound in the bathroom, a quiet, wet sound that cut at his heart. Dragging himself back up to his feet, John crossed the cool floor to the bathroom. She was curled up on the floor, spitting water into the toilet as she washed her mouth out.

"I didn't hear you," Elizabeth began softly as she wiped wet lips on the back of her hand. "When did you?"

He dropped to the floor at her side, leaning back against the wall as he settled. "Just now, don't worry," he reassured her as his slow smile crept across his face. "Rough night?" he wondered.

"I'm sending children for military training," Elizabeth answered grimly without sharing his amusement. "Children, John..."

"...we didn't ask for this war," he reminded her reaching for her shoulder and digging his fingers into it.

"John..." she warned trying to stop him for dredging up the serious side of her worries.

"...we didn't," he interrupted again. "If the Replicators had just said, go away and leave us alone, we would have, but they wanted to blow up the city, they moved on Earth. They tried to wipe us out." Pulling her towards the wall with him, they both relaxed when she snuggled into his chest. "It isn't wrong to teach a child to defend themself. The Athosians, the Genii, and everyone else in this galaxy have been teaching their children to fight for thousands of years. Innocence doesn't have to be ignorance, Elizabeth."

She turned up towards him, looking into his eyes with new respect. "I suppose you're right, we've been sheltered on Earth. All of us sitting at home watching television and worrying about our taxes while the rest of the galaxy was fighting for their lives. It was about time something bad happened to us," she broke off wiping her nose angrily as she sniffed back tears. "Is that what you think?"

Sighing as he touched her face, John shook his head. "War and death are always with us, I think we just need to stop worrying and start living. If we spend our lives teaching our children how to stay away from the business end of a P-90, at least those kids will be around to teach their kids, and someday..."

"...someday," Elizabeth repeated as she swallowed and forced her stomach back into place. "What do we do until then?" she wondered quietly letting him take over.

"I was thinking about going to bed," John offered as he started to stand. "If your stomach's up to that, of course."

"I'm okay," she insisted as she caught his hand. John was less steady than he'd thought and they both had to cling to the wall. One of her eyes crept upwards in surprised concern. "What about you?"

"Chair hangover," John promised as lightly as he could. She ended up helping him more than he could assist her as they walked to the bed. "Simon says," he paused for a moment, amused as he grinned at the floor, "Sorry."

"I'm glad it's funny to you actually," she replied with the slightest chuckle. "Humor's something hard to get around here. Does this mean you and Simon are..."

"Trying to be grown-ups," John grinned up as she lowered him to the bed, "As best we can."

"Simon and I were..." Elizabeth began without knowing where she was going to finish.

Catching her arm, he pulled her close enough to feel her soft hair fall against his cheek. "You don't have to say anything," he promised as he released her, "I understand."

"I cared about him," she admitted to the wall as she turned her back on the bed. Her tongue felt ill-suited to her mouth and she fought to finish what she was saying.

"I'm not demanding you stop caring..." he offered trying to sound as calm as he could. John couldn't shake the possibility that feelings ran deeper between her and Simon than any of them would ever admit. She might stay with him until their child was born, but after that, he couldn't be sure.

"...but," Elizabeth interrupted him still without turning around. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to find the courage to finish.

"...you don't have to..." he tried to save her keeping her from having to admit anything she wasn't ready to voice.

"Dammit John," Elizabeth snapped as she turned around. She grabbed his shoulders and kept him from standing. "Stop and let just let me..." for a moment she stopped thinking, "I love you."

The most adorable smile spread across his face, lighting green eyes from within as he let the words soak into him. "Well," John swallowed and turned his face into her hand as she nervously stroked his cheek. "I guess that's that then."

"I don't love him," she continued to explain feeling foolishly as if she owed him for his patience. "Not anymore, not after he...I couldn't," she licked her lips and ended up biting her lower one, "I thought maybe I couldn't," she sighed and sank to the bed at his side, "But I do love you."

Quietly studying her face, he rolled up on one elbow. "Yeah," he offered gently, emotion playing lightly across his face. "So, where are we going?" he stopped and something flickered behind his green eyes. "Do you want something more than this?" Elizabeth's finger over his lips cut him off.

"We're okay," she promised with her own trace of a giggle. John struggling against his desire to keep spouting gibberish was really rather attractive and she wondered if he knew it. Elizabeth smiled gently feeling the warmth in her chest. "This is more than I thought I'd have."

"The baby?" he wondered watching her twitch as he mentioned it. His hand crept out, resting on her stomach as she contemplated pulling away.

His hand was warm through her shirt from the alien market. It wasn't quite silk, but it was so much thinner than what she was used to; Elizabeth could feel the tiny movements as he settled his fingers. "I can't say it," she admitted as she nearly choked on her thoughts. "People ask me, and I can't say anything about it. I get caught..."

His hand flew up to her neck, stroking the skin that got too tight whenever she tried to talk about the baby within her. "It's just a baby, not even really that yet, it can't hurt you."

"I could," she argued as she stared down at her body before turning desperately away towards the ceiling.

"You won't," John insisted as he kissed her neck. Soft, warm lips took away the feeling of the walls closing in. Instead of tensing, Elizabeth shivered into his touch and tried to force herself to relax. "Believe me," he suggested as he nibble the skin up to her ear. "Sometimes, I kinda know what I'm talking about."

"You're very wise John, sometimes I think you forget to see that in yourself," she replied softly as her hand found its way up his side, finding the edge of his shirt and diving within. "You spend so much time looking at me," she whispered, nearly forgetting to speak out loud.

John worked his way across her face towards her pale pink lips. "You're beautiful," he insisted as she tried to giggle her way out of it. "I mean that," he affirmed as she started to blush. "Don't you believe..."

"...okay," she agreed softly watching his hand slide back down to her belly. His thumb danced along her breast, teasing the tender flesh beneath her bra. "I believe you," she finished as she lifted her head to look at him.

He chose to follow his hand with his head, moving down her body as ideas blossomed in his mind. "You believe me?"

"Not really," Elizabeth whispered as she ran her hand through his hair. "I'm trying," she defended herself as he kissed his way across her faintly rounded belly.

"This is our child," he insisted with a fervor usually reserved for arguments with Rodney. "Nothing would make you more beautiful," John promised as he rested his head there. "And Doctor Keller said it was okay," he couldn't have discussed it with Simon. There were some things that should never be discussed with an ex.

Elizabeth heard his confidence falter slightly and she shared the thrill of fear. "She did," she repeated knowing she hadn't brought it up. In fact, she'd gone two weeks without one of Carson's required examinations. Keller had promised to make time for her in her schedule, but she hadn't tried to fit it in. There were things she couldn't face yet; ultrasounds and fetal heartbeats were part of that. "Kiss me," she finally begged feeling her body ache beneath his touch. The gray sheets twisted beneath her back, and she bent a knee to lift it from the bed.

John slid quizzically up to her face, capturing her cheek as he stared at her. Her eyelashes were still damp from her time in the bathroom and he wanted to take all the fear from the tightness of her mouth. He rested his hand on the pillow, leaning closer as he felt her breath on his cheek. Kissing her first, he let her lead him into it. Her tongue parted his lips, reminding him she was just as hungry as he was.

"Okay," John answered finally raising his voice to be heard over the panting of his breath.

Elizabeth ripped his black t-shirt up and over his shoulders; shrugging out of it, he grinned wolfishly at her.

"Your turn," he demanded as his hands ran down to her waist. Elizabeth bit her lip as he eased her shirt up over her belly. John's eyes stayed focused, calm and full of desire as he studied her skin. "You're going to be gorgeous when you hit the glowing part everyone talks about," he ventured innocently.

Sitting up to help him get her shirt over her head, Elizabeth started to protest when he kissed her. "I don't know..." she sputtered through his lips.

He started to chuckle, caught up in the joy of the white flesh beneath her pale blue bra. Stopping for a moment, he studied the lace and titled his head in confusion. "This is new," he said searching for the clasp on her back.

"Carter," Elizabeth explained softly as she helped him peel it from her skin. "The black one got tight and she had a couple."

John's lips twitched and for a moment he wondered if his commanding officer had taken this bra off of his wife. He shook his head and decided to leave that idea alone. "This one's better?"

Resting a hand on his naked chest, she smiled softly in return. "It works," she answered shyly as he ran his fingers beneath her growing breasts.

"I like them better without anything," he teased with a kiss on her left breast.

"They're sore without anything," she argued burying her fingers in his unruly dark hair.

"I'll have to work on that," John growled playfully bending her back to the bed. She reached up for his pants and laughed as he kissed her attention away with a warm tongue on her nipple. Gasping in surprise, she missed him undoing his pants as he got ready to stand up and leave them on the floor. Stumbling slightly as he left the bed, John remembered his reflexes were still suffering.

He shuffled out of his pants anyway and turned his attention to hers. Elizabeth grabbed the simple blue blanket and held it against her chest as she propped herself up to watch him. They slid easily over her hips and he planted a kiss on the curving bone. "Have I mentioned how much I like you naked?" John purred as he crept beneath the blanket with her.

Laughing as she moved over to let him into the bed, Elizabeth felt his knee slip in between her legs. John's body was so hot next to hers that his skin nearly burned. He caught her waist, rolling her up over him.

"Maybe once or twice," Elizabeth replied breathily as she ran her hands down across his stomach. "You know, this is how we got into this mess."

"This mess is beautiful," he said pulling her down against him. His erection was firm against her stomach as she ground her way up his legs to grab his face. Her fingers brushed against fresh stubble and Elizabeth saw truth in his eyes.

"You really believe..." she started to whisper as she kissed him again, "...I think that's why I love you."

The admission he barely heard was the sexiest thing anyone had ever said to him, and she didn't give him time to think before she surrounded him with hot, wet Elizabeth. John watched her eyes roll in her head before he forced himself to concentrate. It had been awhile, but not long enough for him to explode inside of her like a trigger-happy teenager. He wondered if she was rushing because she was nervous, the pale flush was still on her cheeks.

Elizabeth rocked above him, feeling the pressure of him draw a moan from her throat. He was struggling, forcing his body to behave. His hands on her breasts were almost more than she could handle in their current state. Every movement of his fingers felt like he was shouting in her mind as her nerves jangled. Shivering in his hands, she rocked faster; wanting him to enjoy it.

One of his hands held the small of her back, but the other insisted on reaching around towards her clit. His finger was rough at first, then delicious as it rolled over her. Elizabeth moaned again and caught his smirk out of the corner of her eye. Leaning down to kiss his neck, she felt herself start to give in. Her body trembled in his hands and she bit down on his lip. John bit back, fighting his way into her mouth as he pushed deeper into her.

Too quickly, she came around him. The sheer force of her orgasm shocked her eyes closed, shaking her away from his lips to gaps into his neck. Surprised that he'd outlasted her by so much, he asked her permission to finish with a hand on her butt. She whispered something he didn't hear into his neck, but she rocked in rhythm with him. Absently, John wondered when they'd gotten so used to each other as her small fingers teased his chest.

A gasp and a shudder ran through his chest, panting he kissed her neck and tasted sweat. She stayed slumped over him, not bothering to extract him from her as she clung to him.

"See that wasn't so bad..." he began to tease. The face in his neck was suddenly cool and new wetness on his skin wasn't from sweat. "Elizabeth?"

Her name caught on his tongue, like it always did, and she clung tighter to his chest. John wondered if he should get used to her tears, then he wondered if it was just the pregnancy. "You okay?" he asked in his softest tone.

"Yes," she stuttered lifting her head from his neck. "I'm okay. Everything just sets me off lately," she mused apologetically. "You, you're, incredible, John..."

He grinned proudly, as if he'd known all along. "Good," he stroked damp curls of her hair down to her neck. "I mean, I strive for incredible..."

She kissed his cheek as she left the bed for the bathroom. John pushed the blanket down to his waist and let the air dry his sweat. A moment later she was back in his arms and wedged so tightly against him that they could have shared a smaller bed.

"I think you've accomplished your goals," Elizabeth teased him in her professional tone. That voice surprised him, and he jumped against his pillow just enough to make her smile.

"I love you," he finished simply. "I'll do anything..."

Elizabeth sat up, ignoring the way her hair tickled as it fell across her damp skin. "I'll meet you halfway, John. I really want this...us...to work. I don't know how to say it..." she licked her lips nervously and contemplated pacing the room.

John's hand on her arm kept her in bed with him.

"I need this...you...us," she finally finished. "More than I think I can tell you," Elizabeth rested her hand on his chest as she tried to make her heart beat slower. "This baby needs you," the cold feeling in her stomach warmed when he took her hand.

"You have me," he promised as he encouraged her back into his arms. Lying with her head on his chest, Elizabeth closed her eyes and let herself forget everything screaming in the back of her mind. There was no Atlantis, no missing Teyla or kidnapped Carson, and no refugees ready to riot for more clothing and food. Instead, there was John's hand on her belly and the child sleeping within her. For that moment, she forgot to be afraid of anything.

* * *

"Could you?" Doctor Keller asked desperately as she stared at Simon over Carson's unconscious body. "I've heard of it being done, but I don't think I could do it. I interned in surgery, but I never did eyes."

"I think I can reattach the retina, but he has vitreous bleeding," Simon sighed heavily and rested a hand on Carson shoulder. The man had been so kind to him, so careful while he explained how the world worked in the Pegasus galaxy. How could he explain that he'd never see out of his left eye again? "The fluid's too contaminated, he'll never see anything more than a blur."

"He's not going to be able to do surgery without depth perception," Keller reminded him painfully. "He'll be diagnostic only and he's the best surgeon we have..."

"...we'll have to make do," Simon reminded her pragmatically. "He's alive. His fingers and toes are going to survive their frostbite without nerve damage. The internal injuries will heal; we've both seen a lot worse come through that door." He pointed back at the door to the infirmary. "We'll make do, Carson can..."

"...handle it," Keller finished for him as she dropped her head in defeat. "Do you want me to tell him?"

"I'll stay with him," Simon offered quietly. "He's seen me through a great deal." He pulled his chair over to the desk and tossed his feet up onto it. "Any sign of Teyla?"

Keller shook her head darkly and fought angry tears. "The Wraith took her, Ronon and Major Lorne's team are going to keep looking," she took a deep breath and finished, "But I don't know where they have left to look. Doctor Zelenka said something about the crystals..."

Simon shared her confusion; he hadn't even been off-world yet and wasn't sure he was ready for that step. "Elizabeth asked me to join Colonel Mitchell's team when they need a doctor."

"Colonel Mitchell's a good man," Keller offered with a tiny smile. "Weird sense of humor," she finished as she tightened her eyebrows in thought. "You'll be okay."

"That seems to be the motto around here," Simon said thoughtfully as he reached for his bottle of water. "We'll be okay."

"Maybe we should put it above the door?" Keller ventured optimistically as she started towards the exit of the infirmary. "I'm going to go meet the major for a really late dinner, or a really early breakfast..."

Simon caught the gleam in her eye and wondered if he was seeing what he thought he was. "Enjoy," he wished fondly as he watched her wave him goodbye. Turning back to his computer, he dug into the genetic puzzle that was the Ancient gene.

Major Lorne met her just inside the cafeteria with a bowl of porridge and smile. "Hey Doc, come join me," he offered cheerfully. "It's not half bad."

Keller sat down in the chair he'd pulled out for and tried not to yawn. Failing miserably she just smiled sheepishly at Lorne. "Thank you," she said as she took the porridge. "Carson's going to be okay, we got him stabilized and his extremities responded well to treatment."

Lorne saw her face fall through her optimism and reached across the table to touch the hand holding her spoon over her untouched breakfast.

"We couldn't..." Keller started dropping her spoon and pushing her chair back a bit as her nose started to sting. "We couldn't save his eye." Anger hurt, burning through her sinuses as she fought the urge to cry.

Lorne's hand closed warmly around hers, crushing her doubts with his strength. "He's alive and he's back with us," he reminded her as firmly as he held her hand. "We'll just get him an eye patch or something...I bet Scotland had pirates too."

Keller laughed painfully through the lump in her throat. "Ireland had Grainne O'Malley, but she was a pirate queen, not really the eye patch type," she tried to be as positive as he was.

His other hand slipped across the table to touch her chin. "Carson is one of the most optimistic men I know," he promised her as he smiled at her obscure knowledge of history. "If anyone can learn to be a Scottish pirate physician...he can."

Keller nodded into his hand and wondered why she hadn't noticed how beautiful his eyes were before that moment.


	22. weary

The alarm rang through their quarters, bitterly driving away sleep. John felt Elizabeth sit up next to him in bed as he crawled out of his side. Reaching for his commlink and his boots simultaneously, the first thing he heard was Chuck's voice.

"There's been an accident," Chuck reported with nervous excitement. "Support girders failed along the southeastern pier. Damage control teams are responding but it's a mess down there."

"We'll be up to control in a few minutes," Elizabeth's voice cut into his link and John let himself yawn. His watch blinked the hour at oh-four-twenty-one, and he groaned as he searched for his pants. They were crumpled on the floor and one leg was inside out. Cursing as he tried to pull them on, he fixed them in the dark and pulled them on over his naked skin.

Elizabeth yanked on his black t-shirt over her blue lace bra. Reaching for the light on the wall, she waved her hand over the switch and listened as John fussed with his belt.

"That was my shirt," he mumbled as he pulled a clean one out of the drawer.

"It was closer," she replied as she caught his arm, flattening his bed hair and watching him try to rub sleep from his eyes. "I like it," she admitted when he started to wake up.

"I only have three shirts," John protested as he finished tying his boots. "If you take one I'll only have two."

"I'll buy you one next time I'm off world," Elizabeth teased as they stumbled out of their quarters. "If you ever let me go off world," she finished under her breath.

"I let you go off world," he muttered back in a yawn as they headed for control. "On safe planets that I've checked out first," John added firmly as he joined Lorne and Zelenka on their way up the stairs.

"Support girders?" Elizabeth asked Zelenka.

Clutching his coffee cup as he nodded, Zelenka hurried up the steps ahead of them. "When we lost the end of the south pier it threw everything in that half of the city out of alignment," he called down over his shoulder. "We've been dragging the city through hyperspace, going in and out when something breaks...it was only a matter of time."

"We came out of hyperspace as soon as they failed," Rodney reported from behind his console. "The city's unbalanced, we have resonance damage all over the south side." He rubbed bloodshot eyes and accepted his cup of coffee from Walter. "It's going to take some time to fix," he sighed as Zelenka joined him at the science console. "Maybe a lot."

"Shields are up," Lorne reported from the tactical station. "But we're dead in the water; we're just drifting."

Elizabeth looked over the faces of her team. John took a cup of coffee from a tray and stayed at her side. "Anyone drifting with us?"

"Just us lost sheep," Lorne replied ironically. "I'll start contacting the ships, get them up in the air in a perimeter, ma'am."

"Good," John nodded for her. "I'll head down to the chair room, see how much control we have left."

Elizabeth followed him to the stairs, taking the extra second to kiss his cheek. "Be safe," she warned softly.

He winked and yawned again over his cup. "You know me," he replied casually over his shoulder.

"That's why I worry," she finished to herself as she watched him leave. "All right, let's get this city flying again." Elizabeth went back to her team and listened to the Rodney and Zelenka argue over how the girders had failed. The force fields were preventing air loss. The civilians were safe in the city center, but Atlantis herself was suffering. She could feel it when she touched the railing to her office. The tiny vibrations were still there and even the inertial dampeners couldn't hide them.

She tightened her grip on the cold rail. "Rodney, Radek, how do we fix this?"

* * *

"The internal dampeners are working at maximum now," Rodney explained dismally as he clung to the end of his control panel. Atlantis had developed a limp and the great city sailed through space as if it were a black ocean. The roll the floor had developed was wreaking havoc on her people. Rodney still looked queasy, Radek was pale, and even Teal'c had admitted he'd been on more pleasant vessels. "But it's only going to get worse. If we stop long enough to find the new balance point of the city and rewrite the standards for the stabilizers we might, I emphasize might, be able to get it o feel like a calmer sea."

"It's still going to feel like a sailing ship?" John wondered with a tiny smile of amusement.

"You make any more pirate jokes about Carson taking us all to the treasures of the Ancients..." Rodney warned.

"I'd never," John finished dryly.

"...I'll kill you," Rodney finished as he glared at his friend.

"Doctor," Radek interrupted. "I suggest we start evacuating the non-essential personnel to the first friendly planet we can find. The city's in rough shape and it's only going to get worse."

Elizabeth lifted her head from her hands and tried not to think too much about the irony of the situation. "I'll start compiling a list," she decided softly as she stood to go, Chuck and Walter ambushed her.

"Doctor Weir, since you're awake, you should see this," Walter offered politely.

"It started this morning at oh-two hundred," Chuck explained with mild confusion. "M3F-117 dialed in and transmitted some kind of identification code."

"That code nearly deactivated the shield," Walter added as he pointed at the gate records. "Chuck figured out how to keep it up while collecting their codes. M4T-223 dialed next, then M9G-327. That planet actually sent a message back to us."

"They sent something in Ancient," Chuck read off the screen in front of him. "We found out Doctor Jackson was still awake and he was able to translate it."

Daniel leaned over the desk smiling in benign amusement. "They send congratulations to our council and their thanks that the city of light is once again protecting this galaxy."

The city of light?" Elizabeth asked softly as she rubbed her head. The morning had

already gotten off to a rocky start and it seemed it would only go downhill from there.

"Atlantis was known in ancient times as 'the City of Light resting upon the eternal sea'," Daniel explained dryly as he settled back into his chair. "It's an invention of folklore that the Ancients let stick."

"Tell her the weird part," Walter prodded from behind Daniel.

"Right," Daniel remembered as he straightened his glasses. "They'd like to send their tithes. M9G-327 is even promising to send an extra share of their crops out of gratitude and extends an invitation to visit their planet."

"The southern pier's a smoking wreck and we're being congratulated?" Elizabeth murmured grimly to the men in her office as she tried to think. "What are they trying to tithe?"

"Well, that was the interesting part," Daniel began as he handed over his computer and pointed to part of the database he'd been researching. "This city used to be supported by the outlying colonies because it lacks any real food producing resources of its own. In exchange for food and supplies, the city protected most of the planets in this galaxy. Some were Ancient colonies and some were ordinary worlds with developing cultures."

"I think we should accept it," Jack finally spoke from his corner of the room. Sitting up and resting his hands on his knees, he looked directly to Elizabeth. "We need the food, if they have it to spare we should accept it and send them a lovely thank you note."

John leaned on the doorway behind Chuck and startled when he suddenly recognized the designation M3G-927. That was Ceol, the planet where everything had started between him and Elizabeth and the planet under Mab's protection. He looked over Walter's shoulder and deeply into her eyes. It took her a moment to look up, but he saw she remembered as well. They'd meant to go back; to find out what had really happened to them and now it seemed they'd have the chance.

"McKay and Carter think the Asgard are our best bet when it comes to fixing the city," Jack reminded everyone as he stood up. "We should get everyone into the conference room and work something out where we get some food and get that pier fixed. The city's not going to stand for long against the Ori or any of our other mighty enemies long with a bleeding hole in its side."

Chuck and Walter got out of the general's way as he left Elizabeth's office. She thanked them quietly and kept Daniel's database entry in her hands as he left the office as well.

When it was just John, he slunk over and perched on the edge of her desk. "We have to go," he told her when she refused to look up from her computer. "We can find out what happened to us...what's happening to you now."

"We can't both just go off on some personal mission," Elizabeth argued, and sighed as she dropped the computer to her desk. "You're my second, I agreed to be governor of this city and we both have responsibilities."

"Lorne can handle it for awhile," John replied with a confident air. "Rodney's just fixing things anyway and Carter can make sure the repairs get done right." He reached for her forehead, rescuing a stray piece of hair and tucking it back. "We need to do this."

"The refugees come first, John," Elizabeth decided as she pushed herself up from the table. "I think all of them could use some time on solid ground with a sky over their heads. Let me get them settled, then we can talk about us."

He reached for her cheek, stroking the skin down towards her chin. "We can always wait, can't we?" he asked rhetorically knowing Elizabeth always put herself last. "So...that meeting?" John offered as he waved towards the door. "Might as well share your ideas with our governing council..."

"It's getting that way, isn't it?" Elizabeth muttered to him as they crossed the catwalk. "We used to just make decisions, now it takes a committee to do anything."

"Welcome back to civilization," John replied sardonically as he slipped his hand behind her back. Keeping hold of her comforted him; instead of moving out of reach she smiled at him and warmth crept through him.

* * *

Jack settled into his chair, reached for his computer and sighed heavily. "Why do I have to do these?" he groaned towards the bedroom and his wife.

"Because you're the only living Earth general, and effectively military commander of the free world," as she spoke a sock flew from the main room of their quarters and narrowly missed her head. Picking it up, Sam tossed it back at him as she finished; "You're like a god among mortals," she teased effortlessly. "I'd better get the highest rating."

"Are you kidding?" Jack called as he watched his balled-up sock roll along the floor of his now unstable living quarters. "'Carter' is the highest rating that exists in my book. Everyone works their asses off just to be considered as good as you."

"And that's how it should be," she decided for him as she moved his computer from his hands and dropped into his lap. Kissing him slowly, Sam started to chuckle as his hand slipped towards the top button of her blue jacket. "I have a meeting with McKay," she whispered in his ear as she moved the hand away.

"That can't possibly be more important than sex," Jack whined as he stared her down.

"If we skip it to have sex I'll be thinking about how to repair the south pier the whole time..." Sam trailed off as she nibbled her way up his neck, "...and 'Oh my God, the support girders,' just isn't the same."

"Get out of my sight woman," he pretended to snap irritably. "I'm changing my standards, Jackson's my favorite now."

Sam kissed his protesting mouth again and felt his lips quiet beneath hers. "I love you, Jack," she finished seriously.

"Carter, get your gorgeous, genius ass to your meeting so you can get it back to me," he lifted his tablet computer and eyed her over the screen. "Preferably naked," he amended as he returned to his reports.

"I'll see what I can do, sir," she said slipping from his grasp to the door. "Enjoy your evaluations."

"Oh I will," Jack muttered as the door shut. "That's why I wanted to be a general, mission reports just weren't enough paperwork for me," he finished his complaint to the empty room and reminded himself how earnestly Elizabeth had asked for his evaluations. It was all part of her grand struggle to keep their little world running in some kind of normalcy.

When the door opened a few moments later, Jack was momentarily convinced he'd lost all track of time and Sam was already back. Startled by who he saw when he finally looked up, his sarcastic comment died on his tongue. "You're not Carter," he said instead, feeling foolish as he gaped at his visitor.

"I saw her in the corridor," Elizabeth offered quietly, keeping her rushing emotions in check. "She was heading for McKay's lab."

There was something uncomfortably tight in the way she stood, and Jack set aside his computer when he realized she wasn't there for a quick question she could have asked him over the radio. He tapped the screen and sent his computer to sleep as he waited for her. When no explanation seemed to be forthcoming, Jack slid over to one side of the couch. "Would you like to sit?"

"I need you to tell me I'm not crazy," Elizabeth demanded suddenly, surprising both of them by the edge in her voice.

"I currently believe you aren't," Jack responded slowly as he leaned forward. "You can try to change my mind..."

"I hate this," she whispered to the floor by his feet.

"Hey, I hate the damn evaluations too but it wasn't my idea to bring them back..." Jack reached for her knee as he tried to reassure her. The muscle jumped under his hand as she startled back.

"I hate being pregnant," Elizabeth corrected him. Her hand went to her forehead and she rubbed angrily at one of her eyes before she looked at him. Jack had never seen her chin tremble before. "I hate being able to count the days I haven't thrown up in the last month on one hand. I hate feeling like I'm constantly doing something wrong and then hating myself for knowing that I most likely am."

The general rested his hands in his lap and waited for the break in the storm.

"I hate John when he says he loves me," she choked on the words, taking a shuddering breath to continue, "I hate the look on his face when he realized I loved him." Her right hand fluttered to her chest and became a fist over her heart. "I love him," she repeated through the hot tears she hadn't energy enough to stop in her eyes.

He just sat there for a moment, indecision gnawing nervously at his gut. "Come here," Jack reached for her shoulders and had her crushed to his chest before she had time to fight him. "Sara used to wake up in the middle of the night," he began to tell the back of her head softly as his hands rubbed across her back. "She'd wake up covered in sweat, terrified that we were going to be the worst parents in all recorded history of the world. For a long time she just lay there until she forced herself back to sleep," he admitted in a tone he rarely used. His voice ran into her ears and warmed her heart, like hot tea in her stomach on a cold day.

"I finally caught her in the second trimester," he smiled and kept talking as her head lifted slightly. "We stayed up all that night just talking about the stupid stuff," Jack shook his head at the memory; his hands coming to rest on her slight shoulders. "How Charlie was a lousy name if he was a boy, how I'd probably spoil her rotten if she was a girl, how I'd never be able to let any young man look at her if she grew up pretty, and eventually it hit us. Lying there in the dark, with our arms tight around each other, panicking..." he smiled when her eyebrow lifted in amusement, "...we remembered that we loved each other, and beneath all our worries we were so excited to be having that baby..."

In his chest, old wounds stung his heart and made the air in his lungs feel like lead. "Look," Jack started again when the silence had grown heavy and thick between them. "No one can tell you how to feel. Maybe being pregnant is the most horrible thing to ever happen to you," his hands whispered as he shuffled them nervously and continued, "No one would blame you. This isn't what you wanted, it lousy timing..."

"...Why is John so dammed calm?" she demanded when Jack ran out of excuses.

Jack laughed, bit it back because he knew it wasn't appropriate, but kept his smile. "It's a lot easier when you're the guy," he admitted apologetically. Something strange and wonderful is happening around you, not inside of you. I've had a few weird things inside of me, some of them even wanted to kill me, and I wouldn't trade a one of them to go through what you're going through."

Reaching hesitantly for her chin, Jack pulled back once before he decided she'd let him touch her face. "We're cowards," he began seriously, "give us guns and bombs and we're fine, give us a baby and we panic...that's why women have them."

"Women are braver?" she ventured with a hint of a smile.

"That and you look better with breasts," Jack cupped his hands over his chest and shook his head. "Much better," he tapped her nose and made her smile in surprise. "Did you talk to John?"

"He deserves the hysterics more than you do?" Elizabeth replied sardonically finding the strength to maintain her smile.

"Well...that and you need to be in this together," Jack reminded her as he pulled himself to his feet. "Do you want some water? I was going to hit the coffee, but that's kinda out of the question for you..."

"Thank you," Elizabeth murmured as she watched him pour coffee out of a thermos.

"Got this from the Genii, cost me a ball-point pen," he stopped with cup in his hand and looked down at it thoughtfully. "The guy I was trading claimed to have never seen one before. Funny how that works isn't it?" Jack asked rhetorically as he got her glass of water in his other hand and made his way back. "The Genii invent nuclear weapons but skip right over the ball-point."

"I don't think writing was as important to them," Elizabeth reminded him gently remembering how driven Genii society was. "It's different here in this galaxy. We've been protected on Earth, we've never been enslaved and even now we're still free."

"Maybe we should spend more time thinking about that instead of worrying how we're going to feed and clothe everyone next year," Jack's irony went straight to her heart, cutting through the resolve he hadn't meant to shatter.

"Are you and Sam sure you want to go back?" she changed the subject.

"We still have allies there, planets we promised to protect from the Ori," Jack reminded himself as he sipped lukewarm black coffee. "Sam and Rodney have a cloaking device that works pretty damn well. We'll be back before the city is," he promised as he raised his cup.

Water tasted sweet after the bitterness crying had left in her mouth. "I wish we weren't splitting our people," she admitted as she watched her fingers leave marks on the smooth metal in her hands. "Feels like everyone was just starting to get used to Atlantis..."

The lights dimmed momentarily and Jack caught himself reaching for her. "She needs some time in dry-dock before we blow out something important and can't get it fixed. Flying with a broken pier's playing havoc with the systems, at least that's what my wife tells me."

"Rodney and Radek agree with her," Elizabeth conceded with a sigh. "I suppose some of our refugees will find life easier on Ceol, where they have a sky over their heads and something solid under their feet."

"And there's an Ancient on this planet?" he asked uneasily. None of the Ancients he had met had ever been particularly helpful.

"Of a kind," was her guarded reply. John had been worried about choosing Ceol at the most recent meeting of the senior staff, so worried that he'd gotten quiet after the vote. "Rodney and the Daedalus did extensive tests of the planetary shielding system. We'll be safe from the Wraith and the Asurans."

"And you're going to be okay?" Jack asked finally as he set his empty coffee cup aside. "You know I'm more than willing to be the brunt of hysterical tears anytime you have them..."

Her lips pursed and for a moment they shared a smile.

"Sometimes you just need to say crazy things," Jack replied for her. "You never know, I might turn up on your doorstep someday."

"I'll keep a light on for you," Elizabeth promised softly as she stood. It took more time to balance her weight over her feet than it had weeks ago and she caught Jack's slow smile as he studied her slightly swollen waistline.

"You really are beautiful like that," he let the comment hang in the air as she started to blush. "It's a good look."

Her eyebrows met in the center of her forehead for a moment before she managed the slightest smile. "John would agree with you," she murmured as she went to the door. "I think you're crazy, but I've always thought you two were in the same place."

* * *

"We've successfully adapted Ancient cloaking technology to function on the Artemis," Sam began cheerfully. "It was actually easier than we thought it would be, being that Asuran technology is so close to what the Ancients were actually using."

Jack reached over and patted her hand. "Even if it wasn't hard, we're still impressed, Sam," he added with amusement. "So, the Artemis crew and I will run the recon mission to the Milky Way as quietly as we can. Major Lorne will take the skeleton crew on the city to meet with the Asgard."

"Hopefully they'll be able to do a bit more for us than just fix the city," Daniel injected optimistically. "After all, we've done a lot to help them."

"If by help you mean saving their little gray asses," Jack quipped as Elizabeth rapped the table lightly.

"How are the refugees adapting to the planet?" She steered them back on track.

"Two hundred of them have already left through the gate for Ceol," Catherine Lorne began as she stood neatly behind her son's chair. Crossing her arms over her chest, she swallowed before she finished. "As well as can be expected, most of them are simply relieved to be on land that isn't moving."

"We're getting the rest of them ready," the younger Lorne added.

"But," Sam interrupted weakly, gripping the table as she tried to get her eyes to focus on the wall behind Elizabeth, "we decided it was better to keep moving, instead of trying to send them all now."

"How long until we reach orbit?" Elizabeth turned that question to John, who sat easily in his chair. He was a little paler than usual, but he managed to smile at her.

"Autopilot's not working with the city in the shape it's in," he reported for the benefit of everyone around the table who didn't know. "We're working on a two hours on, eight off rotation. Carson's up now, and I'm next. General, you pulled the morning shift didn't you?"

Jack rescued a computer that was starting to slide off the table towards Sam's lap as the floor tilted. "Lucky me," he murmured with as much cheer as he could sarcastically summon.

"My team and Major Lorne's will continue to run search and reconnaissance operations with the Genii in search of Teyla," Cameron reported to change the subject from the swaying of the deck. He wasn't much for fishing and after the last week of rolling deck plates he wasn't sure if he'd ever want to set foot on a boat again.

Rodney reentered the room from the back door, sliding into his chair apologetically with his hand over his mouth. Space-sickness breaks were becoming a necessity. John, Jack and Evan were doing better than most after their years as pilots. Elizabeth couldn't tell if Teal'c was just better at controlling himself, or if he was just more stoic than she'd realized.

Ronon just wasn't bothered. She wasn't sure if she'd seen any kind of reaction from him since Carson's return without Teyla. Nothing he'd remembered had been able to help them locate Teyla. There were vague stories in Athosian legend about people taken by the Wraith but even the elders didn't remember them well enough to help. The Genii spy network was watching for her, but Ladon hadn't had much good news for her about anything lately.

"We're planning to launch the Dreadnought when we reach orbit," Rodney reported with a nervous sigh as he wondered if he'd be able to outlast his nausea.

"Any thoughts on a name?" Elizabeth glanced over the table towards the Dreadnought's new commander. He stared impassively back at her with a slight smile, which was more than welcome among the grim faces around her.

"It's positively bad luck to launch a vessel without one," Vala reminded all of them from the wall she leaned against behind Daniel. Elizabeth wasn't entirely sure how she managed to remain standing when everyone else was dealing with the their rolling stomachs, but the other woman had a point.

Most of the eyes around the table went to Jack, who shrugged and sat back defensively. "I'd just want to call her 'Marge'..." he trailed off sheepishly.

"Hera," Teal'c decided for them. "In keeping with the rest of the vessels. The largest one should be their queen."

"You're just saying that because we gave you the big ship," Jack muttered towards Teal'c as Daniel started to smirk.

"He has had the most space combat experience," Daniel pointed out innocently. "Years longer than the rest of us have been alive."

"Just rub it in," Jack continued to complain as he drummed his fingers on the laptop.

"Hera it is. All right, what else?" Elizabeth steered the meeting back on course, mentally adding more things to her never-ending list.

* * *

"I was a pirate for Halloween once," John started thoughtfully as he flopped onto the floor by the control chair. "Had the eye patch and everything."

"How old were you?" Carson asked with a half-smile. When he was in he chair he didn't feel the twisting of the deck beneath his feet, or notice that everything was dark on the left side of his vision. When he was Atlantis he felt almost whole, but even that escape was failing him. The city suffered, writhing beneath him as it limped towards Ceol. He'd never felt much of a connection to ships or mechanical things.

"Seven," John grinned sheepishly. "Got extra candy for being cute," he finished as he toyed with a loose thread on his sleeve. "Is it pulling to the left for you too?"

Carson shrugged slowly and opened an eye towards John. "A little, it's just reluctant, like a shy dog."

"Like 'em?" John wondered as he finally bit the string off with his teeth, sucking on it for a moment before he pulled it out of his mouth. "Dogs, I mean."

"Used to bring them home," Carson admitted nostalgically. "My mum used to threaten to stop feeding me if I gave all her good dinners to my mongrels." He smiled up towards the ceiling, thanking the unseen forces that had saved his mother yet again. "She never meant it though. You next?"

"Twenty hundred to midnight," he replied as he stood. John ran his hand through his hair and watched the chair go dark as Carson leaned forward.

"Who drew the late shift?" Carson wondered as he tried to catch his bearings. John's hand steadied him as his balance started to fail him. The chair was wearing them all down; constant shifts, every day for more than a week of travel. They pressed on, but John had already seen the wear start to take hold in the eyes of his friends. Major Lorne had taken extra rotations whenever Rodney or himself was too busy to take his turn at the helm, and his soft brown eyes were tired. Dark circles had formed beneath them and taken up residence.

"Lorne," he filled in as he forced himself to meet Carson's single good eye without blinking. "He's had it the last couple days, I'm going to have to come up with..."

"I'll take it tomorrow," Carson promised lightly with a smile that almost convinced John he was all right. "I've just been trying to help treat everyone's motion sickness; I'm sure Keller can handle it if I need to sleep in."

"How is that going?" John asked. Stretching his arms and legs before he sat down, he cleared his mind and started letting himself go.

"As well as you'd expect," the doctor muttered with mild frustration. "I remember stories from school, pilgrims crossing great oceans in search of a new home. Do you think this is something like that?"

"I can picture Rodney in a funny hat, can't you?" John asked in response as he settled into the chair.

"Don't you wonder what history's going to say about us?" Carson pressed on, hoping to get something serious out of his friend.

The colonel smirked in the chair. "I don't wonder," he admitted rakishly. "I intend to write it."

* * *

The lights of the city dimmed after dark. It seemed almost foolish to keep doing it, honoring a cycle of day and night that meant nothing in the eternal darkness of space, but it was a comfort to watch the lights in the corridors grow brighter in the coming dawn. Even the darkness was comforting because it demanded nothing from her.

Elizabeth walked unseen through the corridor with one hand on the wall to steady herself. Her pregnancy induced nausea had been starting to fade when the city had inflicted her with the same space sickness that tortured everyone else. Doctor Keller was concerned for the welfare of all of her people, and she knew she'd have to make up her mind on when to evacuate. She was resisting until she talked to Carson. Simon and Keller were probably right, but she wanted to hear it from Carson. He was her chief surgeon and his disappearance had made his opinions all the more dear to her heart.

Everything was precious now; even Rodney's complaining in front of her in the line endless line for dinner had touched her because anyone could be taken from her at any moment. Teyla was gone, and Elizabeth couldn't shake the cold knot in the pit of her stomach that said she wasn't coming back. She'd felt it when they'd lost Ford; it was the same frigid despair that insisted she'd failed one of her own.

The chair room was awash with blue light that nearly blinded her after the darkness of the corridor. Elizabeth squinted at the dark form in the chair and waited as he slowly came into focus. John's eyes were closed; he nearly looked asleep. She walked softly, careful to keep him from sensing her presence. He was peaceful and she needed that from him. When her ability to keep smiling and leading the way towards the uncertain future waned, she had him.

Climbing carefully up onto the platform, her boot scuffed on the metal and his lips smiled. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"It's cold in our bed," she complained childishly twirling a piece of her hair. "I don't know what it is, something's just not right..."

He chuckled and opened his eyes. Drinking in the outlines of her face and watching the blue light from the floor halo her curls, John remembered why he conjured her up when he was bored. "You're beautiful, Elizabeth," he announced matter-of-factly before he closed his eyes again.

Smirking and creeping up on him, she put her hands over his for a moment before she crept into his lap. John startled, nearly losing his connection to the chair as he struggled to adjust. Pulling her down against his chest, he removed his hands from the controls long enough to hold her. When her hands found his arm and his shoulder he moved his back and retook control of the ship. Somehow it was easier to hold the ship steady when he could feel the beat of her heart against his chest.

"This is better than bed?" he asked when he felt her sigh and give up the last of the tension in her body.

"No," she teased back lightly, taking comfort in feel of the stubble on his check against her forehead. "Bed would be more comfortable, but I've always been something of a masochist."

"You have," John agreed with half a sigh. "I should know that by now," he chided himself as he snuck a glance at her hand on his arm.

"Your ability to ignore what you should have learned by now is one of your more charming," Elizabeth explained, running her hand down to his wrist, "and more difficult character traits."

"I do pick up my socks," John reminded her as he flipped his hand over to squeeze hers. "I've kept our room as neat as I can. I don't think I need to remind you that it wasn't me who couldn't find my shirt this morning when the alarm went off..."

Groaning and hiding her annoyance in a yawn, Elizabeth tried to remember back to that morning. Her memories only blended with the day before in a haze of half-solved crises and lists of things still left to do. "Maybe if you hadn't thrown it away so vigorously..."

"...Maybe if you didn't tease me, I wouldn't have to remove your clothing so vigorously..." John interjected.

"I'm not sure how you qualify, 'John, I'm home' as an innuendo," Elizabeth interrupted back.

"When you make me do personnel evaluations, everything you say that isn't about them or aliens trying to kill us is going to be an innuendo," he explained patiently. "If you weren't so damned sexy..."

Laughing into his neck, Elizabeth started to kiss his cheek and stopped just above the skin. "Is that your answer to everything?"

"I'm debating it," John quipped and opened an eye to see her beaming down at him. "What do you think?"

"I think this is much better than bed," Elizabeth answered mysteriously rewarding him with the kiss on his cheek he'd been waiting for.

Leaning up to kiss her back severed his connection with the city when his mind temporarily forgot about anything larger than the desires of his exhausted body. Chuckling sheepishly as he interfaced with the chair again, John closed his eyes. "This is harder with you here," he pretended to complain.

"We all need challenges," she whispered as she nibbled his upper lip. "Especially colonels, I've heard it keeps you sharp."

"We're not going to get any sleep if you keep that up," he reminded her when she settled back into his arms. "And even Lorne will be fairly traumatized if he walks in on..."

"Me sitting on your lap?" she teased innocently. "I think the major's a little less of a prude."

"That's all this is," John wondered sardonically,"You sitting on my lap?"

"Until your shift ends," Elizabeth promised with a hint of a growl, "that's all it's going to be. Anyone could walk in here, John..."

"It's not really a secret," John replied with a chuckle. His hand found her hip and ran slowly up the side of her body as he slipped his hand over to the swell of the baby within her. "I think everyone knows you're pregnant now, even if Rodney hasn't told them, you are really starting to look..." he paused, picturing how far the curves of her body were still going to round outward, "...different."

"I just feel sick," Elizabeth complained realistically. Smoothing her hair back so it stayed out of his face, she buried her head closer. "I don't know if that counts as any different, it's been that way for weeks."

"Feeling sick isn't exactly different lately," he tried to concentrate on flying the city, but the warmth of Elizabeth against his chest was more important than the twisting feeling of the internal stabilizers. The city was sick and her ability to protect the fragile lives inside of her was failing. John wasn't sure it would even limp into orbit. Nausea brought his stomach to his throat and he wondered if that was what she had dealt with since she became pregnant. "I caught Rodney throwing up."

"He just doesn't have his sea legs..." Elizabeth murmured as she tightened her eyebrows in thought, "...space legs, yet."

"I think you had an advantage," he teased and wound his fingers into the fabric of the black t-shirt she'd stolen from him that morning. "More practice with nausea."

Her teeth grazed his ear and Elizabeth felt him shiver beneath her. "Whose fault would that be?" she purred to him.

"You seduced me," John replied indignantly snapping an eye open. "I've always been attracted to beautiful women, especially brunettes, and I was drunk. It's obvious you took advantage of me."

With her eyes twinkling as she stared down, Elizabeth run through the myriad ways she could punish him and finally decided to kiss his teasing mouth. The city shuddered around them as it nearly fell from hyperspace. John's lips went still against hers for a moment as he struggled to keep the city out of normal space. When he came back to himself he could hear her laughing.

"I bet I did seduce you," she decided imperiously. "You fell victim to my wicked ways and subsequently into my bed."

"That's right," he ran his hands up over her shoulders to cup her neck. "I'm the victim in all of this, your poor innocent plaything."

Still laughing as she twisted to straddle his lap, Elizabeth caught his hand and kissed it. "Is that an offer?" Dragging it down over her chest she let him rest his hand on bulge of her stomach. "You'll be my slave?"

"We've been together more than two months and I only now find out about your kinky side?" he pouted and tried to reconcile his mind between flying the city and the warmth of her belly beneath his hand.

Shrugging and watching his face break into a smile, she relaxed back down against him. "Maybe you never asked," she murmured as she wondered what he saw behind his closed eyes. "What are you looking at?" she asked finally.

"You," he admitted, half-teasing as he tried not to yawn. "I can 'see' you with the internal sensors, feel the movement of all the people through the city. Rodney and Radek are tweaking the stabilizers. Colonel Carter's getting ready to launch her vessel when we stop."

"You feel that now?" she pressed, intrigued by his explanation. "All of that?"

John's hand coaxed her head down against his chest, so all she heard was the beating of his heart and the slow rhythm of his breathing. In that quiet, she let him take her hands, bringing them with his to interface with the controls of the chair. The clear plastic-like material that gave way so easily when he touched it, resisted her touch for a moment, then she felt it - the tingling sensation of her mind expanding beyond her body.

"I don't know if you have enough of the gene," John was saying somewhere far away. "You might not be able...the city's a lot bigger than a jumper..."

Far away beneath her the ZPMs pulsed in sequence like three hearts beating power through the city. She felt it as if they were part of her, both drowning out and strengthening her own heart \beat as her blood and the power flowed in unison. Her skin itched as if it was stretched to cover the whole city. It ached as if she'd been beaten; the kind of sore, slowly healing ache that itched and tingled. Through all of that there was still John, his warm, solid body pressed against her face, the smell of musk and sweat from too many days without a shower.

Atlantis could only smell the chill of space, the cool eternity that stretched on forever past the limits of even the advanced sensors of the city. It reminded her of snow; the new snow falling on the trees around the creek by her house. When she'd been a child and the world was safe and small, the snow had been beautiful, flying through the air like falling stars in the night.

Space was cold against her back, as if it were made of metal. Her hands flexed against his and with the controls. The city was all around her; warm, alive and seemingly unaware of her existence. John was there with her, both beside and within her as if he, like her, was just a tiny part of the greater whole. He was moving things, changing the movement of other parts, guiding the city as it sheltered them. She didn't have the strength; Elizabeth was an observer, not yet able to interact.

John released her, guiding her out of the inner workings of the city. Trembling as she slipped back into her own small body, Elizabeth wondered if she would have been able to make it back on her own. Pulling her hands up, she tucked them around his chest. "We're so small," she whispered to his body.

"Sometimes I wonder if it's like that fo hr r..." he paused and searched for the words he wanted to use, "...the...our baby. Being part of something so much bigger than yourself and unable to communicate with it, wondering if it even knows you're there."

"We know," she insisted softly. "It's the first thing on my mind when I get up and the last when I..."

His lips touched her forehead, making her correct herself.

"...Okay, not always the last," Elizabeth barely managed not to blush, "but it is there all of the time," she finished nervously, still struggling with the idea that she had anything more than an illness within her.

"We'll have to try you in the chair on your own," John said practically trying concentrate on flying. "See how far your Ancient gene has progressed, maybe get you in on the rotation so the rest of us can have a little more time off."

Smiling sleepily Elizabeth yawned twice before she managed to speak. "Maybe we should concentrate on passing the gene to more people, build the ranks a little more past me so you and I can spend some time in bed for once."

"Bed..." he teased lightly, "...that's how we got into this mess, isn't it?"

"Believe it or not John, some people actually sleep in their beds," Kissing his neck as she chastised him, Elizabeth's presence let him forget about the staggering mental toll just keeping the city going was taking on him and finally relax into piloting the stumbling ship.


	23. becoming

day 142

Doctor Rodney McKay tried to wipe the dirt from his forehead, but only managed to smear it into his hair. "We're going to have to evacuate down to a skeleton crew as soon as possible and limp the city into Asgard space," he reported harshly. "I'm doing everything..."

"...we're doing everything," Doctor Radek Zelenka corrected firmly as he clung to the wall behind his head in the cargo bay. "That we can, but we just can't regenerate an arm of the city, we don't even know where to begin..."

"...we don't know what alloys the Ancients used," Rodney interrupted back with exhausted impatience. "Even if we did, we don't have the tools to reproduce them or a dry dock to attempt to reattach the arm in space and the city's just not designed to fly long-term without it. The best..." he paused and wrapped his hands tighter round the edge of the workbench before he looked back up at Elizabeth and Jack, "...the absolute best we can do is to patch it with deck plating and hope the Asgard can help us."

"I'm afraid I have to agree, Sir," Colonel Samantha Carter weighed in gently from her place near the bench. Her blue eyes were sunken into her head and Elizabeth couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Sam take some time off. "Rodney, Zelenka and I can patch the damage, but we don't know enough to repair it. It's like cauterizing a wound on the battlefield, we can stop the bleeding but none of us are doctors..."

"At least not medical doctors," Rodney grumbled under his breath. "Carter's right," he agreed slowly.

Radek nodded as well. "We need to limit the people on the city so we can shut down life-support and save power. Probably no more than twenty scientists."

"We've already evacuated nearly all of the civilians," General Jack O'Neill reminded them as he played with the stylus from his computer. "Major Lorne reports they're settling well on the planet."

"We can't continue to depend on charity," Doctor Elizabeth Weir added grimly as she tried not to fidget. It had already taken more than an hour for the scientists to list everything that was wrong with the city and her back hurt again. She rubbed her lower back with her right hand but pulled her hand away before Jack caught her favoring anything. Putting both hands on the edge of the workbench in front of her, she tried to hide the wince in her eyes and stare seriously at Rodney. "When will the city be ready to support life again? We can't just dump our people on Ceol and hope for the best..."

"I'm not sure you're listening to me, Elizabeth," Rodney snapped irritably as he left the bench to pace behind them. Holding onto the edge of the table for support, he tried to clarify his point. "The internal stabilizers are shot; the best human minds in two galaxies are here and we don't know how to fix them. The city even rolls when it's not moving."

"We don't have the parts to fix it," Sam explained calmly as she tucked an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "There are control crystals we can't duplicate, alloys we don't know how to construct. The Asgard are our best hope."

"So we're counting on them being buddies with the Ancients to help us?" Jack asked watching Rodney struggle to regain his chair. "We're just going to knock and hope they'll help us?"

"Pretty much," Sam agreed with her husband as she tried to smile. "There is one other option, but we'd rather keep that as a last resort."

"Last resort?" Jack repeated brightening up slightly as the promise of something more interesting than repairs came to his attention.

"We find the Replicator city," Radek began nervously. "They must have constructed a new one by now..."

"...we find it and take it over," Rodney interjected as he swallowed against his nausea. "The parts are basically interchangeable; we can take what we need from them..." He stopped and stood suddenly, covering his mouth, "I have to go, now."

"Go Rodney," Elizabeth said as she waved to the door. "It's okay," she finished as she looked over the pale faces of her team. Jack and Sam seemed mostly unperturbed; she supposed it came from piloting. Radek looked nearly as bad as Rodney had, but he was holding his own. Swallowing, she tried to relax and ignore the turning of her stomach. Carson continued to promise that the reoccurrence of her nausea was from the failure of the stabilizers instead of the child straining her waistline.

"We would rather not have to go after the Replicators for spare parts," Sam said for all of her team. "i really think the Asgard will be on our side, however..."

"Sam and I talked about it," Jack interrupted for his wife. "We'd like to use the Artemis as an escort for the city. Sam's worried about the stabilizers failing..."

"Teal'c and the Hera can travel back to the Milky Way just as well as the Artemis can," Sam agreed tightening her knuckles on the edge of the bench as the city leapt to the left. Jack grabbed the bench and Elizabeth's arm when she nearly lost her balance.

Smiling, but mildly irritated at the sudden desire of everyone to protect her, she held on tightly to the workbench until the city righted itself. Sam scrambled over to a computer, wedging herself in as the city dove again. "I'l try to fix it," she called over the sound of crystals and tools bouncing noisily to the floor.

This time Elizabeth was grateful for the strong arms of the general as he held her in place against the metal. Her stomach jumped into her throat and she felt even Jack swallow hard behind her ear. Atlantis rolled hard to the left and Jack tightened his grip. Radek struggled back to his feet from the floor and dug into the crystals beneath the bench. Replacing two of them with ones on the floor, he was able to right to the city for the moment.

Putting her head down, Elizabeth fought against the desire to empty her struggling stomach. Jack's hand brushed over her head as he let go of the bench. "You okay?" he whispered before moving on to his wife.

"Radek fixed it temporarily," Sam reported before she covered her mouth suddenly and stumbled out of the room.

"It'll hold awhile," Radek reported as he crawled out his hair was wild around his ears. "We need to get everything tied down; it's only going to get worse."

"Call up to command, get everyone who can handle the rolling on a crew to tie things down," Jack suggested as he saw Elizabeth tap her radio. "I'm going to check on Sam." It took her a moment to find her voice but she swallowed and sounded calm when she spoke.

"Chuck," she started as she took hold of the wall for support. "Get the marines and everyone who's still feeling all right and get them on a crew to tie everything down."

"Yes, Ma'am," the young man replied quickly. "Right away, Ma'am."

"Can you stop the city so we can get everyone through the gate?" Elizabeth asked Radek as he took over Sam's computer. Her fingers were sore from grabbing the bench and she tried to flex feeling back into them. Letting go was a dangerous prospect and she stumbled back, nearly losing her balance completely before Rodney hit her. He led her to the bench, holding tight to her arm until she had a grip again.

"We can stop it," he promised through pale lips. "But the city's got a lot of inertia, when we come out of hyperspace it's going to be a hell of a crash, we'll need everything tied down first, people too."

Radek nodded quickly as he moved aside to let Rodney in. "It'll take us some time to turn the dampeners up as high as we can," he promised when Elizabeth turned to him. "Give us an hour."

"Okay," Elizabeth replied as she patted his shoulder. "An hour, then we stop." She walked slowly, careful to keep her hand on a wall or something else solid. She saw Jack and Sam when she went through the door into the hallway. Sam was getting to her feet with Jack's arm around her shoulders. She knew the look in Sam's eyes and what it felt like to have her head and her stomach twisted until she couldn't tell which way was up.

"I've flown combat," Sam complained to her husband as she clung to his shoulder. "I've pulled thirteen G's and I can't handle a little bit of a roll in the deck."

Jack shrugged and helped her find her feet. "Sometimes things aren't what they should be," he offered gently as his hand caught her cheek. "You'll be fine, you'll keep McKay from killing us all and everything's going to be fine."

"What about you?" Sam asked softly, taking the stolen moment to kiss his cheek before he was too far away.

"I'm going to help Elizabeth and tie things down," Jack promised winking as he took a step away. "I've always been good at knots, you know that." Stopping for a moment he took a few steps back towards her and kissed her cheek. "Take care, Carter."

"Yes, sir," she promised weakly managing to smile as she headed for the door.

Her husband watched her go for a moment, then he reached for the wall by Elizabeth. "I'll stumble after you, if you don't mind," Jack teased as he fell in step behind her in the swaying corridor.

"Sam looks tired," she mentioned tentatively hoping she wasn't opening the door for more commentary on her own appearance. "Is she having trouble sleeping?" Elizabeth had seen it happen to nearly everyone. John hadn't complained, but even he was having trouble dragging himself out of bed.

"She's been tired," Jack agreed as his voice softened with concern. "But we're all tired," he finished as he caught the door controls and hung on as the city shifted. "It's not a simple mission."

"It never is," Elizabeth replied softly wondering if he ever thought his rescue was the reason her team and so many others were trapped on Atlantis.

"We're alive," he piped up behind her as he helped her into the transporter. "At the end of the day that's the best we can hope for." Once inside the rolling of the deck subsided somewhat as Elizabeth paused and reached for the glowing dot of the control room. Jack closed his eyes as they flew instantly through the city. When he opened them, Elizabeth was starting out into the control room. The city bucked, tossing him into her back, this time she surprised him and caught his arm, keeping him from knocking them both to the floor.

"Still here?" she teased as they both reached for the control console.

"Nice save," Jack retorted as he headed for a chair and relative safety.

"Chuck, any luck with the Marines?" Elizabeth asked as she caught the back of his chair. "Or Naval officers? They might be better off with the swell."

Chuck managed a wan smile. "The Daedalus is beaming over as many volunteers as they could find along with everything Colonel Caldwell thought would be useful to secure things," he reported as he struggled to maintain his composure.

"Good," Elizabeth favored the control room with a smile that warmed the room. "Let's get everything tied down."

* * *

Teyla woke in the center of an endless room. The air in her nose was wet and heavy as it poured into her lungs. She didn't remember when she'd passed out and time was running away without her notice. Her mind was quiet now without Michael's presence and the first thing she felt was a sense of confusion. She didn't belong in this room surrounded by Wraith.

She'd been able to sense them her entire life; feel them coming to take her people. Now she felt them all around her, and or the first time in her life that sensation filled her with warmth instead of mind-numbing fear. The minds around her were curious instead of foreboding. In the haze of whatever it was that held her intoxicated she could only guess how many Wraith surrounded her. Wraith minds were rarely distinct but one stood out. Like a spotlight in a field of candles, the queen mother dwarfed everything around her.

"Rise," the queen mother demanded in the chill voice Wraith only used for command.

Teyla felt the voice stir her, but she didn't have to move. She lifted her head enough to look at the area around her, but she didn't sit up.

"Good," the queen mother purred in a normal tone. "You can resist me." The queen mother drew closer; Teyla felt her hand settle hot on her shoulder. Power surged in that hand; reminding her that the mind behind it was the most powerful she'd touched. "What else can you do?"

Teyla grabbed the hand that held her and pulled as hard as she could. Using the leverage to right herself, she flipped up and onto her feet. In the space between a heartbeat, the queen mother attacked her. She dodged, forcing the haze out of her mind as she let her body take over. The queen mother had brute force, but Teyla was smaller, she slipped between blows and wormed her way inside of the queen mother's reach.

Listening to the queen mother's mind and letting her feelings wash over her like an angry storm, Teyla let go and became part of that storm. Her left hand forced the queen mother's head up, leaving her neck and chest vulnerable. Fighting purely on instinct, her right hand slammed into the queen mother's heaving chest with her palm flat on the warm skin.

The queen mother bared her blue-white teeth in a wicked smile of pride. "We are already in you," she said with a voice harsh with age, studying Teyla with open approval. "What we are has not been lost to the ravages of time."

As her head started to clear, Teyla realized she was staring into the jet black eyes of the oldest Wraith she had ever seen. Even with the incredible regenerative powers of the Wraith, the queen mother's skin was lined with age. Her lips were cracked and dry as she smiled again.

"Yes, you see it in me don't you?" the ancient queen mother sank back into her chair as if her fight with Teyla had taken what little energy she had left. "I was the first queen mother among queen mothers, I was born when Wraith lived on Atlantis with those you call Ancients, and my daughters built the hive ships that wiped them out." Her eyes ran slowly over Teyla's body as the tendrils of her mind worked their way into Teyla's most intimate thoughts.

"You are the leader of your people," the queen mother rasped in her ears and in her mind.

"The Wraith are not my people," Teyla snapped back as defiantly as she could and forced the queen mother from her mind.

Stilling smiling her toothy smile the queen mother closed her eyes and fought her way back into Teyla's mind. "Aren't they?" she insisted. "Our blood is in your veins, your mother was nearly one of us."

"I am not..." Teyla started to resist.

"A killer?" the queen mother asked as she waved that excuse aside with a withered hand. "A hunter?" Her head rolled back against her chair and her voice faded. When she lifted it again there was fire in her bottomless eyes. "You're not a monster?"

"I am not," Teyla spat back.

"Not yet," the queen mother's tone belied the nightmare to come.

At her signal Michael emerged from swarm behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders.

"When we were born we were strong," the queen mother explained with waning strength. "We were stronger than our makers and in time we overcame them. The strong feed upon the weak because the universe hungers for strength. We were strong then and now..."

"...we are fading," Michael finished for her. "Your people showed us that what was human in us still sleeps within us, and that humanity is not the weakness it once appeared to be."

"You will be queen," the queen mother intoned heavily as she stood from her throne. "You will lead the Wraith into a new age of strength."

Michael's hands were warm on her arms as he held her in place. "We need you, more than the Athosians or the people from Earth ever could. We need you to save us from weakness and teach us your strength."

Teyla's heart insisted she had to keep fighting, but the queen mother in her mind directed her to a new fight. She would fight for her people; keep them safe from all harm and teach the ways of the new world coming to into being.

The queen mother stalked down the steps towards her, lifting her hand to rest it in the center of Teyla's chest. "You have never had a child," the queen mother whispered in her ear. "Now, you will be mother to all before you. All Wraith, all of the galaxy will kneel at your feet."

The queen mother looked into her eyes with love and began to fill her with life. At first she felt no different, Teyla was used to her body pulsing with strength, but then she felt better. Far better than she had ever felt on the best day of her life, because she was stronger. Her mind opened to the thoughts of the Wrath around her and they filled her with harmony. For the first time in her life, all the voids in her heart were full.

Lifting her hand, she slammed it into the chest of the queen mother and began to feed.

* * *

John startled himself awake for the third time and bit his lip to make sure he stayed that way. His head hurt from the coffee he'd drank too quickly before his fourth turn in the chair. He'd heard Carson's warnings about mental fatigue and neurotransmitter depletion; he knew he should be more careful, but it was getting harder and harder to steer the city. Rodney was busy, Lorne was planet side already, and he couldn't hand the city over to just anyone. It needed a real pilot now, not just a babysitter with the ATA gene.

The ache in the back of his head blossomed into a pulsing knot of pain. He couldn't hold it anymore. The city was spiraling out of his control and there will still too many people on it. It wasn't safe.

"I can't hold it," he radioed up to control as he fought to keep panic out of his voice. If the city came out of hyperspace without the inertial dampeners everyone would be a splatter of liquid on the walls. He'd once pulled thirteen Gs coming out of a nasty dive and nearly blacked out. He remembered the feeling of lead blanketing his chest and the way his eyeballs had flattened back into their sockets. "Get everyone off the city now," he warned when no one answered him. "I can't..."

"John?" she asked irritably. He could picture her eyebrow tightening in frustration. "You're supposed to be sticking to the rotation. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I can't keep the city in hyperspace," he replied ignoring her concern. "Evacuate," his words caught in his throat.

Elizabeth's voice was nervous beneath the calm she always summoned. "John, we know, Sam and Rodney..."

"...we think we can extend the dampening field on the Hera to ease the city out of hyperspace," Rodney snapped quickly. "I need you to hold it..."

"I..." John began as he swallowed and tried to ignore the hot trail of blood on his upper lip.

"John, it's all right," Elizabeth soothed over the radio. "They almost have it, just a little bit..."

"...beam everyone off the city," he demanded again as he swallowed against the metallic taste in his mouth. "Right now," that panic was in his voice now. "Elizabeth..."

"Rodney's getting it," she promised softly. "It'll be all right." Her forced calm rang through his ears in sharp contrast with the screaming in his brain. If the city fell out of hyperspace he might survive, the chair room was better shielded than any other, but control wouldn't be safe.

"Get out of there," he nearly screamed at her.

Wincing as she watched Rodney's and Sam's hands fly over computer controls Elizabeth bit her lip. "It's okay John," she promised again, wishing she believed herself. "They can do it."

This time there was no response, only the heightened sense of things that only came when death was imminent. John felt sweat creep down his forehead, and tasted bitter blood as it crept over his lips. He shook his head, hoping vainly it would clear the pain in his mind. Some headaches attacked from outside, but this one came from the core of his mind, burning through every part of his head. He fought the pain a moment longer before his vision and everything else in his mind went white.

* * *

"We're losing the inertial dampeners," Sam announced grimly trying to keep some kind of calm. "We can't remain in hyperspace more than a few milliseconds after they fail."

"Can you ease us out?" Jack asked hopefully as he looked over her shoulder. "Coast on out of harm's way?"

"We aren't waterskiing!" Rodney snapped as his fingers flew over the Ancient controls. "We can't just..." he stopped short and stared at Sam.

She kept working for a moment before she looked at him. "Rodney?" she wondered hopefully.

"Coast..." he repeated as his eyes grew large. "We need an eddy, a calmer place in hyperspace, somewhere we can..." he mimed slowly down gently with his hands as he continued, "...slide out easily."

"The shield," Sam realized as she nodded and moved to another control panel. "We use the shield to make an eddy in hyperspace and slide into it."

"Simple," Jack nodded sagely and leaned against the top of the panel as he stared proudly at his wife. "Just like that," he added as he tilted his head towards Elizabeth. The grip of her hand on his startled him.

Touching her commlink nervously in her ear Elizabeth bit her lip before she whispered to him, "John's stopped responding."

"We probably just lost the radio," Jack assured her as he stared at the smaller fingers covering his. Patting her hand nervously in return, he watched as McKay and Carter looked up in unison.

"Hang on," Sam advisedly seriously. "This might be a little weird."

The shield flashed blue through the miasma of color that was hyperspace outside the glass windows of the control room for a moment before everything around them slowed. The city shivered, as if the great structure was drawing breath to sneeze. The dancing colors crept to a halt before the city sighed and fell back into the darkness of normal space.

Metal creaked and groaned as Atlantis settled and stopped. Elizabeth felt the floor quiver beneath her feet as everything calm to a halt around her.

Rodney's shoulders relaxed in relief and he managed a smile. "We seem to be okay," he exclaimed for all of them as he looked around.

"The city is intact," Sam agreed less enthusiastically. "But we've completely destroyed the inertial dampeners and weakened many of the shield emitters. The city was in rough shape before, now..." she sighed and ran a hand through her mussed blonde hair. "We're dead in the water. i don't even know where to start fixing things."

Rodney sank into a chair and closed his eyes as he rubbed his temples. "It's possible the Asgard could help us patch the city together enough to reach their space dock, but we're still looking at months of repairs."

"Months?" Elizabeth asked in surprise as she caught her hand on her stomach. The though that her child was going to be born somewhere other than Atlantis made her uneasy. The refugee camps were supposed to be temporary.

"Do you have any idea how little we still understand these systems when they're working correctly?" Rodney asked rhetorically as he dragged himself out of the chair. "Sam and I will do the best we can to stabilize the city, but you're going to have to get everyone to Ceol or on a ship until we find someone who knows a hell of a lot more about Ancient technology than we do."

"We'll start getting ready to evacuate then," Jack agreed with a shrug as he reached for Sam's shoulder. "Good work," he offered as he winked cheerfully.

She looked up for a moment and managed half a smile. "Thanks," she replied before she went back to work.

Elizabeth beat him to the transporter. "I need to check on John," she explained softly as she reached for the lower level on the transporter. Resting her hand on her hip was less effective than it had been a month ago and she ended up with her hand on her belly instead.

"Anything moving yet?" Jack asked curiously as he leaned back against the wall.

Her eyes widened for a moment and she shook her head slowly. "Is that supposed to be...?" Elizabeth wondered shyly biting her lip.

"You've got to be pushing five months by now," he continued as the doors hissed open for them. Eyeing her thoughtfully, Jack grinned. "Even with your figure, the kid's gaining on you," he teased and touched her shoulder. "The kid moving around is one of the weirdest things..." he trailed off as he watched her eyebrows tighten. "What?"

"I've been too busy to sit down and talk one of the doctors," Elizabeth explained with a nervous sigh, "I keep feeling like there are all these things I should know, that everyone else seems to know already."

Her hair tumbled loosely over her shoulders and Jack wondered the last time she'd cut it. "It was difficult enough for me to schedule Sara's appointments around my duties, I can't imagine trying to do it when your doctor gets kidnapped and your home is falling apart," he soothed as he stopped her just outside the transporter. "Having a baby's not rocket science," he advised as he scratched his grey head. "They pretty much have themselves."

"I hope he or she doesn't have to raise herself too," she remarked darkly as she followed him down the too silent hallway. Atlantis was becoming a tomb around them, crumbling in beyond their ability to heal her.

"You'll be fine," Jack promised gruffly. "You'll be in good company," he added awkwardly patting her shoulder. "Lots of people, stuck in tents, nothing better to do..."

Raising an eyebrow at him, Elizabeth managed half a smile before they arrived in the doorway to the chair room. It was dark and the corners ate what little light had been in the hallway. She heard the snapping of velcro as Jack fished something from his pocket, than he shone light on the chair.

"John," she whispered as she pushed past Jack through the light. John's eyes were open as he stared up at the ceiling but he didn't move to look at her as she grabbed his shoulder. "John!" she called as she shook him.

Jack grabbed his radio and started to ask for a medical team. "His pulse is strong," he reported as he aimed the tiny flashlight down on John's still face. His eyelids didn't even twitch.

"He's not responding to stimuli," Elizabeth added as she shook her head. "I told you to get out of there," she whispered running a hand through his dark hair. "Medical?" she demanded.

"Coming from the Daedalus," Jack promised softly.

"Why aren't they beaming him out?" her voice cracked as she fought to control it.

"He might still be connected to the chair," Jack warned as he switched his flashlight to his other hand. "Carter's not sure, she wants a medical team to look here before we do anything. He's probably just unconscious."

"Right," she agreed without conviction. Elizabeth could feel the gentle rise and fall of john chest beneath her hand. "I thought I'd start to get accustomed," she admitted as she pulled her hand away to fidget with her sleeve. "Get a thicker skin, you know?" she finished and bit her lip.

"He's just unconscious," Jack reminded her roughly. "No starting down that path,"

"You're right," she shook her head and feebly agreed but her hands shook as she ran them over her hair. She strained her ears listening for the sounds of boots in the corridor. "Does the chair still have power?"

Jack knelt, groaning slightly as his knees creaked. "I'm not the right half of me to be repairing Ancient devices, my smarter half is still in the control room," his complaining went unnoticed as Elizabeth's eyes ran over the crystals inside the panel.

Reaching for a blackened crystal inside, she yanked her hand back when the blistering surface touched her skin. "It's actually burned out, all through here..." she murmured as Jack moved out of her way.

"Be careful," he warned as he dragged himself back to his feet. "It's not just you you're electrocuting."

She hissed in frustration around the burned fingers in her mouth. "I'm the leader, I'm supposed to have scientists to do this for me," she muttered and used her sleeve to pull the damaged crystal free. It shattered on the floor, collecting around her boots in dusky shards. Elizabeth wracked her brain and tried to remember which one of the blue crystals she could steal to replace the burned one. Choosing one, she slipped into slot and jumped back when the panel came to light.

"What did you do?" Jack demanded as he assisted her up to her feet.

'"I think I bypassed the secondary neural interface," Elizabeth brushed fine dust from her pants and watched the newly repaired lights flicker around them. "At least I think it was the secondary neural..."

John coughed and Elizabeth pushed past the General so quickly he had to move back out of her path. He coughed again and his hand twitched up towards his mouth.

John remembered the blinding pain in his head and the desperate notion that he was going to fail everyone counting on him in the city. His eyes hurt too much for him to open them more than a slit. Hands he knew rushed over his face.

"When did you get down here?" he teased in as he started to find his voice.

"Someone had to check on you," Elizabeth offered dryly as she caught the general escaping out of the corner of her eye. John's hand flopped over the arm of the chair and she brought it to her chest. "You got kind of quiet on me there for awhile. Jack was worried about you."

He started to laugh but ended up trapped in a coughing fit. "Feel like hell," John rasped when he finally regained his breath.

"You really did some damage to the chair," Elizabeth told him as she ran her hand down his arm. "Fried a crystal or two."

"I'll stop by the hardware store and get a new one," John offered sarcastically.

The tears she usually managed to keep away stung her eyes as she tried to picture him driving a puddle jumper into a parking lot. "I expect it," Elizabeth agreed as she remembered how to smile down at him. "A little less heroics less time would be nice as well," she sighed the knot out of her chest when the medics finally arrived in the doorway.

"I thought the hero got the girl," John murmured back as he tried to keep the blackness in the back of his head at bay.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Elizabeth leaned close enough that the feeling of her hair against his cheek overrode his headache for a moment. "John," she continued, "I think you have me."


	24. surfacing

_eighty-four days after Earth_

The morning's always smelled the same on Ceol. It reminded him vaguely of the countryside of Sateda. Ronon Dex had never spent much time in the country, aside from training missions, but the crisp scent of dew leaving the trees was familiar to him. After a few days, he had become fond of it. He left his bed in the barn with the other Atlantis Marines. Some of them grunted their good mornings, and most of them got up to run with the sunrise, just as he did.

The sun rose into the sky as sweat ran down his back. Ronon felt the ground fall behind him as he ran around the refugee camp. Three of the farms on the edge of the city had been taken over by the new Lantians. Most of the humans from Earth were adapting fairly well. Some of them had lived in the country before, and somehow living in shacks on the edge of the woods was much more comfortable to them than Atlantis.

He stopped on the edge of a nearly frozen stream and splashed the sweat from his face. It would snow soon, he could smell that in the air. Ronon tied his hair tighter behind his head and started running again. His chest rose and fell, filling his lungs with air as he strained his body. The burning of his muscles woke up his mind and helped him focus.

He ate with a small group of Marines, watching the children run through the Great Hall food was served in. One of the women smiled at him, gracing him with a view of her ample cleavage. There were plenty of young, unmarried women, and some of the Marines were already making their acquaintance. Daniel Jackson and Vala joined his table and Ronon nodded in his direction.

"The castle hasn't heard anything from Atlantis," Daniel began as he reached for the steaming pot of tea in the center of the sturdy wooden table. "Colonel Caldwell hasn't checked in either."

"Do you think anything happened to them?" Vala asked smearing butter on a piece of dark bread.

"The city was in bad shape," Ronon reminded her as he filled his bowl for a second time. "Even Rodney was having a hard time fixing things."

"The Ancients could leave us a nice manual?" Vala wondered as snuggled closer to Daniel. "Ancient technology for dummies? Repairing your city one-oh-one?"

Daniel smiled indulgently. "Unfortunately not," he added as he drank his tea. "The Ancients didn't intend for us to find their city until we had progressed to a level where we understood it."

Ronon smiled around his spoon. "That wouldn't have stopped any of your people that I've met," he replied gruffly.

"No," Daniel agreed with a laugh. "It really didn't, but I'm sure they never intended for the Wraith or the Replicators to grow so powerful without the Ancients around to protect the galaxy from them."

"Why haven't we talked to them?" Vala asked as she nibbled on piece of dried meat. "Can't we ask them for help?"

"It's not like we can just dial them up on the gate," Daniel reminded her as he watched Ronon smile. "The Ancients believe in keeping their hands-off approach is the only way to let us evolve to what we will eventually become."

"Farmers and hunters?" Ronon asked as he set down his empty bowl. "If we don't get some help repairing the city the only way any of us will be able to live is as the Athosians or these people do, in small enough groups to avoid the Wraith and the Replicators."

"Didn't they both take heavy losses in the Milky Way?" Vala reminded him as she reached for a bite of fruit on Daniel's plate. "Maybe they'll be busy for awhile."

"As far as we know both sides took a beating fighting each other over Earth," Daniel replied calmly. He folded his hands on the table and met Ronon's steely eyes. "It's ironic really. They did more damage to each other than either of us ever could have done."

"Maybe we'll have time to get better before they get better..." Vala hoped as the two men looked at each other grimly.

"The Asgard are our best hope," Daniel said finally watching as Vala wrapped her hands around his arm and rested her head on his shoulder.

"What about her?" Ronon asked pointing up as Queen Mab entered the front of the hall. She floated in alone, without of the aides around her Daniel was used to seeing surround royalty. "She's not just human."

"No," Daniel agreed with him again. "The few times we've spoken she's been polite but mysterious. I'd say she knows more then she's letting on. She's both the political and religious leader of all the scattered people of this planet, and as far as I can tell there hasn't been another."

"Sheppard's team met an Ancient who ruled a planet," Ronon added in. "The report said she couldn't help us."

"Chaya was an Ancient who helped her people under strict guidelines," Daniel clarified for Vala. "She took human form to keep her planet safe but was unable to help anyone else without upsetting the rules of Ascended beings."

"I don't get that from her," Ronon said as he gestured towards the Queen as she took her throne at the head of the room. "She doesn't seem to be that worried about anyone looking over her shoulder."

Her grey and black hair cascaded down her shoulders onto a gold-threaded, dark purple gown. Impossibly black eyes surveyed the room and landed on Daniel. Her lips curled into a smile as she stood.

"Forgive us for interrupting your breakfast," she began calmly. "We've received more guests from Atlantis," she said as she waved towards the door facing her. Doctor Beckett led a group into the hall made up of more exhausted expedition personnel. "Your ship Artemis arrived a few moments ago and beamed these ones down."

Daniel stood to see over the crowd of people. Sam and Jack were in the back of the group, holding hands as they looked over the faces around them. Leaving Vala at the table he cut through refugees as he made his way to them. Sam's face burst into a smile when he saw them. Jack reached out to pat his shoulder in a partial hug.

"Daniel," Jack acknowledge as he wrapped his arm around Sam's back. "How's the refugee camp?"

"Not bad actually," Daniel offered in return as he reached out to hug Sam to his chest. "Teal'c?"

"Taking the Hera to the Milky Way," Jack explained as he followed Daniel back to the table. "The bug guy knows some Jaffa must have made it through the Replicator and Wraith invasions and he wants to collect some intel. See who's coming out on top."

"How's Atlantis?" Ronon asked as Jack and Sam slid on to the bench next to him.

"It's not good," Jack offered as he reached for the tea. "Fell out of hyperspace."

"Rodney and I rigged up a cloaking device," Sam added as she looked over the food with mild chagrin. She didn't take anything and only watched as her husband loaded up his plate. "it should be hidden until we can get back from Orilla," she finished hopefully.

"You should try this," Jack suggested as he offered his plate towards Sam.

She shook her head and continued her explanation. "If we push the Artemis we should be able to make it to Orilla and back in less than three weeks. The Asgard should know enough about Ancient technology to repair the city and we should be able to get it working again."

"Don't mention she said 'should' three times," Jack teased as he swallowed a piece of bacon. "The food's really not bad."

Daniel nodded to him quickly. "Elizabeth? Colonel Sheppard?"

"They're still in the infirmary," Sam answered softly. "John was in the chair when we pushed past the limit. He's still recovering but his prognosis is good."

"Recovering?" Ronon pressed as he traced his hand with his knife against the table.

"He tried to beat the Atlantan control systems at their own game," Jack clarified as he watched Ronon's blade. "Beating computer's into submission isn't always the best way to go about things. Elizabeth's with him."

Ronon's teeth flashed white in a quick smile. "Good," he offered as he tucked his knife away. "Are you in charge?"

Jack shrugged and set down his fork. "You want to go after Teyla Emmagen?"

"The Marines and I aren't needed here..." Ronon admitted as he flashed his teeth in a more predatory grin.

"I'll talk it over with Elizabeth, but I don't see how a few carefully executed recognizance missions would be a problem." Jack looked over the giant across from him and squeezed his wife's hand gratefully. A small twist of fate could have had him searching for her, or burying her body instead of taking it to bed; he wasn't about to forget that.

* * *

Teyla let the body of her victim drop to the floor and let the feeling of satiation run through her limbs. Today it had only taken three humans to quench her hunger, but she thought it was still early. She'd lost track of her time. All around her the Wraith on countless planets whispered in her mind. Giving her pieces of their experiences and feelings.

Michael's hands ran hot over the naked skin of her back before his lips whispered in her ear. It didn't matter what he said, her body already knew what it wanted. She turned around and grabbed his head, bringing his face to hers she drew blood on his cheek with a nail before she kissed him. Her heart pounded hot and desperate in her chest and all the desire of the Wraith filled her like a rush of fire across dry grasses.

She hadn't felt before she'd become queen. Her senses had been so pathetic she hadn't even known she was stumbling deaf in the darkness. Now she could feel the life in Michael's body rise towards her. Sexual desire won over the terrible hunger no amount of corpses at her feet could ever stop.

His hand ran over her chest, stopping just over her heart. He started to share, opening the most vulnerable part of his body and placing his life force in her control. Teyla devoured it, letting everything that was him add to the raging heat within her. When he was nearly empty, she gave it back. Pouring the concentrated life force of the Queen Mother into him until his orgasm exploded down deep in the wetness of her body.

Teyla licked the blood from the regenerated wound on his cheek and followed the trail of sweat of blood down over his chest. She could feel the change in her womb beginning already. Her daughters would be the queens of new hives. New drones would spring from them and feed on anything that stood in their way.

Wrapping her legs around Michael's waist she knocked him to the platform in the middle of her chamber and pulled him inside of her again. Filling him with her desire and her strength to carry through on it she felt him harden and grow desperate beneath her touch.

Leaning back, she screamed her victory to the space above her ship. All around the great hive of the Queen Mother of all Wraith, all the molecules of the galaxy that heard her began to remember fear.

* * *

Elizabeth turned when the hand landed on her shoulder. "Simon?" she asked in surprise.

He looked over John's sleeping form and then up at the scanner above him. "He's doing very well," he assured her before he smiled. "You don't have to stay, I'm sure someone here could find you some quarters nearby."

"They've have, and the room's fine," she insisted as she folded her feet under her again as she tried to find a more comfortable position. "But I'd rather be..." she didn't need to finish.

"Lower back hurts?" Simon asked as he knelt in front of her chair.

"Feels like I've knocked everything there out of place," she admitted shyly as she forced herself to meet his eyes. "It's just going to get worse though, isn't it?"

"Being pregnant isn't known for being comfortable," Simon agreed with her as he tried to avoid touching her arm on the chair. "But you're doing all right aren't you? The baby's not keeping you up all night or anything?"

"Keeping me up?" she asked naively. Elizabeth fought the feeling of failure down into her stomach. "I don't know what you mean."

"Some women have trouble with fetal movement at night," he explained for her, keeping his smile even. "I guess you're not one of them."

"No," she answered quickly looking away while her mind tried to process. "Am I supposed to be?"

"Every situation, every woman and every child is different," Simon promised with absolute certainty. "There's no real way you're 'supposed' to be feeling." He stood and brushed his hands against his black pants thoughtfully. "You've been keeping up with your examinations?"

"Mostly," she tore her eyes off of John's peacefully sleeping face and made herself look at Simon's eyes. "I get a little busy sometimes."

"Do you want me to see if someone can fit you in?" he asked gently. "Since you're going to be here for awhile." For a moment she remembered the warmth in his eyes when he used to look at her.

"Might as well," she agreed as she swallowed the acid taste in her mouth. Elizabeth sighed and switched her feet again as she watched him walk away. She hadn't asked him to make sure it wasn't him who examined her. She'd just have to trust that he would be that tactful.

John's hands slipped into hers when she lifted them from the bed into her own. "If you wake up soon you can watch the baby on the scanner with me," she teased and felt the rough skin of his hands against her cheek. "Actually, I might skip that part if you're not awake yet. i don't think I've told you, but I'm a little apprehensive of that. I usually try to avoid seeing any part of my body on the scanner and this is a bit..." she trailed off and looked away long enough to find the words she wanted.

"I'm sure you'd say something sweet," Elizabeth told him. "I'm surprised your ex-wife managed to let you go, some of the things you can come up with to say to me." She wrinkled her nose for a moment before dropping her head to his chest. "I'm glad she did," she sighed as her eyes shut. "Although, if she hadn't, I'm certain I'd still be able to see all of my feet and I wouldn't be wearing borrowed bras."

His shirt bunched beneath her fingers and she felt the flesh beneath comfort her. "I love you, and I know I've told you before, but I've been meaning to tell you it's not necessary that you keep letting me get away without telling you. It doesn't have to be this secret understanding between us. I can..." she paused and dragged her eyes up from his stomach to look at his eyelids. "...I love you," she repeated firmly. "And I'm not, I mean, I can be strong and say 'I love you' at the same time."

"Can't I?" she asked herself as she set his hands back down on his chest. "I've written nuclear treaties for goodness sake..."

"Doctor Weir?" Doctor Keller's small voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Doctor Wallace said you thought you were getting behind on your monthly exams?"

Elizabeth stood and grabbed the chair to steady herself until her feet were sure. "I'm not sure when the last one was," she admitted as she watched the younger woman look over her records on the computer in her hands.

"It looks like the last entry was almost fifty days ago," Keller pointed out apologetically. "I'm really sorry, it's kind of a mess with all the different ships and their computers and trying to keep everything in order."

"Not your fault," Elizabeth reminded her as she looked back at John. "See you in a little while," she promised cheerfully and reached for his foot before she got out of reach. "Don't go anywhere."

"He's okay," Keller promised nervously hoping to ease Elizabeth's mind.

"I know," Elizabeth sighed as she followed Keller over to the side. "I just...I need to be here," she decided finally.

"Okay, well, if you just lie down here I'll get this over with as soon as possible," Keller looked down at her instruments, much more comfortable with Ancient technology than other people.

"You requested to stay onboard?" Elizabeth asked to break the silence as she watched the screen initialize over her head. Her bones filled in green and she watched in amazement as a tiny green skeleton materialized on the screen just above her hips.

"Yes," Keller replied quickly. "I'm sorry," she apologized as she tried not to blush. "I know we need people on the planet, I just like being here better."

"It's quiet?" Elizabeth offered simply as she tried to remember how to speak. The tiny curled bones of the baby grew on the screen as Keller zoomed in. Organs filled in red and pink against the blackness and she suddenly felt cold.

"I don't think I'm cut out for the farm life," Keller explained sheepishly. "I'm afraid of cows and I don't know how to cook anything..."

Elizabeth lost what the other woman was saying as the chill feeling crept out from her bones and overtook her flesh. What was she supposed to be feeling? Wasn't she supposed to be happy? Her hands started to sweat and she pressed them tightly against her thighs. Watching hurt somehow, as if she was losing herself to the creature inside of her. Its heart beat quickly on the monitor and numbers fluctuated beneath the ones that were her vital signs. Two sets, two lives, two minds; she shivered and closed her eyes.

"Everything looks good," Keller started to recap what she'd noted in Elizabeth's medical report.

"Great," Elizabeth forced a smile that nearly broke her heart. Why couldn't John be awake? She thought he might have actually appreciated what she couldn't force herself to watch. "I can go now?"

Keller stopped short and recovered without revealing too much of her confusion. She couldn't decide if Doctor Weir was just as too much of a workaholic to spend any more time than necessary, or if she honestly couldn't handle being pregnant. She bit her lip and put her hands behind her back. Hiding the scanner pictures seemed like the safest course of action. "Yeah, you're fine, the baby's fine," she promised quickly. "Not that you should stop being careful, you're a little run down."

"I think we all are," Elizabeth replied as she smiled again. Her face seemed too tight. "I'll take care," she reassured the other woman as she started to flee the table. It was too much, and she'd gotten too used to John handling the hard parts. He told her when she wasn't sleeping enough and ate with her so she'd remember.

"If there's anything you're worried about," Keller interrupted bravely hoping she was doing the right thing. "Or if you want to know the sex..."

Elizabeth felt herself stiffen as her hands became damp again. Crossing them over her chest she forced herself to appear relaxed. "Thank you doctor," she finished and reminded herself not to be rude. "I appreciate it."

"Doctor Weir?" Zelenka's voice cut over her comm, reminding her that she was never really free of any of her responsibilities. "Chuck radioed up from the planet's surface and there's a priest or minister or something who wants to know when you'll be arriving..."

* * *

"Guess I wasn't supposed to fight it?" John wondered through dry lips as he opened an eye towards Carson.

"No," the Scottish doctor insisted firmly as he patted John's shoulder for emphasis. "You're not supposed to argue with ancient computers, they're a bit set in their ways." He settled into a chair and smiled down gently. "When the bloody computer tries to do something, you're supposed to let it."

John closed his eyes again and toyed with the dry skin on the rough of his mouth. His tongue felt too big for his throat, and the prickly feeling behind his eyes was probably a side effect of the miraculous medication suspending his headache. Moving a hand finally, he waved it weakly in the general direction of Carson's voice. "I'm okay?" he wondered quietly.

"You're okay," Carson confirmed warmly taking the hand and squeezing it for a moment. "Give poor Elizabeth a bit of a scare though."

"Elizabeth?" John demanded as he started to sit up. His arms moved but they didn't have the strength too get him farther than his elbows. When his eyes focused past Carson, the blue glow of the lighting made him realize he must be on the Artemis.

"Down on the planet," Carson reassured him as he watched John's struggle to sit up. "Making things right with the locals before we completely invade them."

"Am I?" John started to ask as he tried again to sit up. This time he found the white wall behind him and stayed up against it.

"You're staying on the planet," Carson interrupted in explanation. "And, before you ask, Elizabeth will be there."

Too tired to wince, John let Carson shine a bright light into his eyes without complaint.

"The queen asked for her," the doctor continued with a soft smile, "else she'd still be with you."

"We're in orbit already?" John wondered as he stared at his numb feet. Wiggling his toes took a moment's concentration but they moved. Carson distracted him with a plastic cup of water. The water inside tasted slightly of earth and he wondered if it had been brought up from the planet in preparation for the journey to Asgard space.

"We've lost Atlantis for the moment," Carson offered as he watched John take another drink. "The planet's supporting us completely until we can get the city on her feet again."

"Good to know someone's worse off than me I guess," John joked as he mastered his feet and swung them towards the edge of the bed. "How are we compensating the planet for their crowd of refugees?"

"Elizabeth has an arrangement," Carson enlightened him as he kept an arm out to steady his friend. "I'm not partial to the details, but the queen's been quite reasonable."

"How do I get to the planet?" John wondered as his feet steadied beneath him. He was still wearing the white scrubs of the infirmary as he stretched his back muscles experimentally. Sighing as everything stiffened beneath his skin, he tried to shake it out of his muscles.

"I fly you down in a jumper," Carson insisted firmly grabbing John's shoulder. "I'm putting you on restricted duty, no Ancient tech for a few days and I want you to give your mind a rest."

"I think some would argue that's an entirely unnecessary request," John deadpanned as he watched Carson remove his folded clothes from the cabinet.

"I'm only giving you these if you promise to behave yourself," Carson demanded gently staring down his friend. "You could have seriously damaged the nerves in your brain, and believe it or not, your brain is a valuable resource."

"Tell that to McKay for me," John teased as he reached for his clothing. His uniform smelled faintly of stale sweat and he wondered how much time he'd spent unconscious as he started ripping off his scrubs. Leaving the whites in a neat pile at the base of the bed, he wondered for a moment if there were showers on Ceol. "So have you met her," he asked curiously as he pulled his pants up over his black boxer-briefs. "This queen, what's she like?" he continued as he yanked his shirt over his head.

"Queen Mab?" Carson replied as he looked over John's bran scans one more time. "Seems all right, more than willing to help." He didn't understand what it was in the name that made him panic, but the colonel was suddenly directly behind him.

"We need to go down to the planet," John insisted as he headed for the door. "Right now."

Carson started to protest, but John didn't leave him any room to argue as he nearly pushed him towards the jumpers. "Queen Mab's not what she appears, she's an Ancient of some kind..."

"Aye, we know," Carson offered as he tried to keep from running into people in the hallway. He turned back and stared at Sheppard. "Rodney said it was like Chaya, she has Ancient systems in place that protect the city from the Wraith..."

"She is not like Chaya," John contradicted firmly as he watched with frustration as Carson brought the jumper to life instead of him. "Just trust me," he ordered as he fidgeted in his seat and finished putting on the boots he hadn't bothered to wear before. "We need to get down there."

* * *

Elizabeth followed Ceol's second minister up the timeworn steps to the castle. The architecture was strange, medieval and worn, but still in daily use. Her stomach tightened and her hand went immediately to it. Doctor Keller's calm assurances rang in her head, but she couldn't relax. John was still unconscious, the city was barely functioning and her people were living in crude canvas tents. Beneath her hand her child remained still. She wondered if it shared her apprehension, or even had developed an emotional state yet. How much should she be thinking about it?

Ducking around a hanging tapestry, she raised her head against just in time to see the minister's hand urge her to curtsy. Making the gesture slowly, she realized it was harder then before and wondering in futility if it would be any harder in a few more weeks. The queen's soft voice bid her to rise and she obeyed politely.

"Welcome my dear," Mab murmured as she waved the minister out of her throne room. "You've returned."

Elizabeth's eyes widened in shock, instead of the kindly older woman she'd expected it was Mab, the barely human creature that haunted her hallucinations. She backed up immediately, retreating before the pain could start.

"I won't hurt you child," Mab assured her as she stood from her throne. "I'm flesh..." she began as she extended a hand to brush Elizabeth's cheek, "...and bone and I'm no danger to anyone in this state," she finished as she started down the steps from her throne. Her heavy brocade dress hissed against the stone as she walked. "Come with me," she requested with a wave of a jeweled hand. "Please," she offered as an afterthought.

She felt normal, Elizabeth realized with surprise. The heady feeling of heat was absent this time and she took stock of her body before she followed.

"You are well," Mab remarked as she moved down a small hallway. "Yet you worry," she continued as she turned a stone in the wall to reveal a metallic switch.

"John," Elizabeth began as she watched the wall slide open in a flash of the blue light Ancients used for their technology. It led into a laboratory much like those on Atlantis, some of the equipment looked familiar but she lacked the knowledge to know for sure what it was.

"Is coming," Mab promised as she removed the heavy overdress and pulled a lab coat on over her thin black shift. With the dress and crown missing, she looked like one of the scientists she'd seen in the database. When Mab closed her eyes and thought for a moment, Elizabeth felt the sharp pain she'd experienced the last time she'd met the queen. The air grew hot and heavy with the scent of strange incense.

When Mab's eyes opened they burned from within, glowing red-gold in the white light of the lab. Sweat started in Elizabeth's hair and began to run down her face. "He fears letting you face me alone," Mab realized as her eyes softened and returned to black.

Elizabeth shook the pain out of her mind but her breath was still coming too fast.

Mab turned in her chair, watching Elizabeth's face curiously. "Are you all right?"

"When your eyes..." Elizabeth started as she tried to understand. She took her hand away from console she'd been using for support and wiped sweat from her face on the sleeve of her jacket.

"Whenever I tap into my ascended form in proximity to you I speed production of the virus," Mab explained with an apologetic smile. "Come, sit, let me explain." She offered a chair by one of the consoles and a smile that struck Elizabeth as truly concerned. "I'm sure your scientists have discovered it by now, but a fortunate side-effect of your pregnancy was the development of a virus."

She tied her hair neatly on top of her head and extended a hand towards Elizabeth with a medical instrument in her fingers. "May I take a sample of your blood?"

Elizabeth removed her jacket slowly, still trying to decide what was going on. "You're ascended," she accused as she debated how far she could trust this woman.

"In a fairly ineffective way," Mab admitted with a heavy sigh. "When my people ascended I resisted, I was too far into my studies and too determined to find the answers I was looking for. My mind ended up caught between worlds, and my body with it."

Elizabeth handed over her arm and considered the face of the other woman. "What happens when your eyes change?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Mab admitted as she collected a small sample of Elizabeth's blood. "I have to confess I've existed like this for thousands of years and I understand very little about myself. There comes a point where the insane can no longer admit to themselves that they're out of their minds."

She released the blood into her computer and started a molecular analysis. "I can talk to you," Mab began with a sigh. "I can work in my lab and sit here like nothing has changed, but I lose time, weeks will go by when I'm in a partially ascended state and I've done nothing to further my research or protect my people."

"It isn't quite correct of you to let them treat you as their queen," Elizabeth reprimanded as she watched the Ancient computer spin data from her blood. "I thought your people were committed to non-interference."

"They are my burden as much as my responsibility," Mab lowered her eyes to the floor before she raised her head sadly. "I brought them here in my ascended state and I keep them safe from the Wraith. It is a difficult thing to not to know what you have done. To fall from infinite knowledge to the tiny mind of a human body and know that everything that was in my grasp is beyond me now."

"They lead good lives," she promised Elizabeth as she watched the disapproval in her face. "They have freedom and good health on this planet. All they know is that their queen is unchanged by time, and they are mostly content to live in my shadow."

"But you experimented on them," Elizabeth realized angrily as she watched the computer come to conclusions about her blood. "On me, on John you..."

"I nudged you where you were headed anyway," Mab corrected as she read the results in amazement. "You went to bed with him without my urging soon after you returned to this galaxy. He is in your bed, and your mind as we speak."

The air in the room began to warm, as if a fire had started somewhere. Mab shook her head and tried to stop her transformation. "The device you encountered is old even for my people," she explained as she pointed to the chalice in the corner of her lab. "It was once used in marriage rites. It decreases the inhibitions of those who touch it, letting them do as their bodies will."

"You told me you did something to me," Elizabeth interrogated as she left her chair. The pain was started, growing inside of her as the heat in the room increased. "That you made this child through other means."

"I'm afraid I'm not entirely honest when I rise beyond this form," Mab stored the data in her computer and removed her coat. She could feel the uncontrollable change within her. She'd become too excited by her data, too involved in her research and she'd lost control. The fire was taking over. "You and your John conceived your child in a perfectly normal fashion. The virus now in your blood was my only contribution to your condition. For thousands of years, tens of generations, I've tried to bring back LK476 into the population base." Excitement flashed orange in her eyes and she started to rise.

"Elizabeth!" John's voice rang through the corridor with the sound of running feet and a moment later he rounded the corner into the laboratory. He felt the heat as soon as he entered, the lab was easily ten degrees warmer than the hall. Beckett was behind him, breathing a little harder than the colonel.

"John," she called back as she started to smile in relief. "John, it's all right."

"Did she hurt you?" John demanded as he leveled his pistol at the queen.

"What the hell are you doing?" Beckett asked as he watched the queen smile sheepishly at the gun. "You can't just point those things at people."

"She's not exactly," John started to explain but Elizabeth stopped his hand and nodded for him to lower the gun.

"It's all right John," she assured him with her own thoughtful smile. "She's really quite tame at the moment."

"How did she get this?" Beckett asked as he passed them all and stared at the data on the screen. "My Ancient's not very good, but I'm fairly certain this is a complete genetic sequence of the virus floating around in your bloodstream Elizabeth." The good doctor scratched around the edge of the black patch he used to cover his blind eye before turning to Mab curiously. "A better one than I've managed so far."

"You have to know how to look," Mab acknowledged with a small smile in his direction. "It's far more impressive than I thought, it's even reaching the point where it could become effective on a larger scale."

"You intend to use this to spread the Ancient gene?" Carson whistled as he reached for the controls. "Mind if I?"

The queen walked to his side slowly, amused by his zeal. "You are a medical doctor," she mused as the temperature began to lower. "You understand."

"I understand the basics of what we've done, but it's far more complex then I could ever hope to grasp," Carson admitted shyly as she took his hands and placed them on the controls.

"Perhaps you'll let me explain it to you?" Mab offered as she pulled a chair up alongside the one she'd left to him.

"Oh I'd be delighted," Carson agreed as he forgot John and Elizabeth were there.

"The two of you are welcome as well," Mab called over her shoulder.

Elizabeth had her arm firmly around John's back and he was started to put the gun aside. "I think we'll pass on the genetics lesson," John decided for both of them. He'd forgotten how good it felt to have her hands on his body. Her hair tickled his cheek and he let her pull him closer.

"You came riding in on a white jumper to rescue me, didn't you?" Elizabeth teased as she watched the fear drain from his eyes.

Shrugging innocently, John tried to play off his heroics. "It's hard to tell with you," he replied calmly as they started down out of the castle. "You don't follow the ordinary rules of a damsel in distress."

"My distresses are too common?" Elizabeth wondered as she slipped her hand into his.

"They're too quiet," John interpreted for her as he looked over the grand throne room. "So she's really just a scientist?"

"It's not really as simple as that," Elizabeth clarified as she shuddered slightly. "I don't know enough about ascension to be sure without looking at the database on Atlantis..."

"...keep your fingers crossed that we'll get that working again," John interrupted as he nodded to the minister on their way down to the city below.

"Yes," she agreed as she raised an eyebrow at him. "She's something else, caught between worlds and trapped in her own mind. It's really rather sad."

"I'd go with creepy," John disagreed as he pointed down the dirt road towards the great hall and dinner. "Can I talk you into buying me dinner?" he teased easily. "I've slept all day and I'm starving."


	25. procreation

_ninety-two days after earth_

Teyla lifted her head and closed her eyes as she faced the sky. It was open now that the cavern had been destroyed. Once the Wraith had known about the underground enclosure of the Genii home world, their scientists had found a way in. It was ingenious actually, a bit of human technology changed to suit their needs, something Michael had been able to glean from the Atlantis database.

The dead lay at her feet as her soldiers hurried to clear them away and bring more. The queen within her, her third daughter strained the skin of her belly as she shared her insatiable hunger with her mother. Teyla's hand and arm were red with blood and life force filled her so utterly she nearly crackled with the power of it. Her senses pounded pulsing with the sense of the prey around her.

Her first and second daughters were already feeding on their own. Part of her wished almost sadly that they would have had more of a childhood, but that was a human thought, left behind in the parts of her mind that had not yet been purged.

Michael led the next captive to her and knocked the man to his knees. She would have hunted him herself, relished it even if she wasn't so full of child. Her muscles stirred and she felt her body starting to feel the strain of her continually growing offspring.

Over on her left, her first daughter screamed victory into the night as she finished off another child of the Genii. Blood ran from her crystal teeth and Teyla watched in fascination as she took the life of the child and grew. Aging before her eyes, the first of her new queens lost her childish figure as breasts started to round on her chest. First's hair had been black, but it was lightening as she grew to a deep navy. She would be ready to lead a wing of Teyla's next attack because she was already a strategist. Her mind was quiet and methodical.

Without even looking at the face of her victim, Teyla dropped her hand to his chest and fed. The force of heart suddenly became part of hers, his memories fading and screaming as they fell to the brutal strength of her mind. She saw his eyes go milky white before he was empty. He crumpled like a dead leaf on the ground at her feet and the dust of what once was his skin patterned the ground.

She closed her eyes again and felt the vigor of her daughter's mind. Third already shared her mother's memories and knew the bulk of what it was to be Wraith, but Teyla wasn't yet entirely sure what she'd be like. Second was a warrior, a killer who insisted on stalking her own prey. Her skin was black, like the coldest night of Teyla's childhood, and her hair was white. Both daughters were already taller than their mother, and she knew they would be taller still.

Michael knocked a woman down in front of her and growled his approval. He'd been careful to stay just far enough away. Pregnant queens had been known to eat their mates, and he was in no mood to tempt her hunger. As it was, only the sheer number of humans available on the Genii home world were making her procreation possible. The woman went without a fight. Teyla caught a flash in her memories as she fed and knew that all the woman loved was dead. The fluid carrying her daughter within her broke in a seeping flood down her thighs. She grinned and sped her feeding. She would need the energy.

* * *

The great hall had no place for a staff meeting. The noise of hundreds of people trying to eat and make their way through lines for food and water was nearly deafening. Jack had pulled them out, settling down in a patch of grass between buildings. The air was cooling and Jack could smell the bite of autumn in the air.

"What are the winters supposed to be like here?" he asked as he settled onto the grass next to Daniel.

"Cold," Daniel replied easily as he leaned back against the old stone wall of a tiny house. "And snowy. We've already started to collect cold weather gear."

"Ice fishing cold?" Jack wondered hopefully as he stretched out his long legs on the grass.

Vala leaned over Daniel's shoulder curiously and Jack tried to remember the last time he'd seen either of them separately. "Ice fishing can't be that difficult," she chimed in. "Ice doesn't move around much."

"You fish through the ice," Daniel began to explain as Jack started to chuckle.

"This is what we should be doing," Jack turned to his wife and stared up at the clear blue sky. "Sitting outside, enjoying the fresh air. Having a honeymoon that doesn't involve being in a space battle."

Sam barely looked up from her computer and nodded absently as she moved out of the sun so she could read what she was doing. "When the bad guys stop trying to kill us, we'll take some time," she replied without any of Jack's humor. Waiting for a smile that never came, he reached across and ruffled her blonde hair.

Rodney dragged his dinner with him, settling down towards the edge of the grass. "Are we really going to meet out here?"

"Can't hear ourselves think in there," John clarified as he balanced two plates and two glasses in his hands and waited for Elizabeth to sit. "At least you don't have any complaints about the food, Rodney," he finished as he handed over the plates to Elizabeth before he took his place on the grass.

"It's good, but I'd rather eat it off a table," Rodney continued as he leaned back and tried to get more comfortable. Tomato broth stained his bread as he ran it over the edge of his plate before he reached for more butter. Ronon's hand passed his and John remembered when they would have bantered or argued about who got a first shot at the food. He would have been with them, playing keep away with Rodney before Ronon took all of MREs.

Elizabeth's tongue caught a trickle of tea on the edge of her steel cup and he watched the pink disappear behind red lips. He waited patiently, ignoring Rodney and Carson's teasing, as he watched her take another sip. When she finally felt his eyes she turned slowly, curiously starting to smile. The sun caught in the curls of her hair and his fingers found the soft skin of her neck. That was almost more interesting than his stew waiting in a steaming pile on his plate. She used her fingers to wrap a wide, flat noodle around her fork and grinned as he reached for them and sucked broth from the tips.

"We're leaving in the morning," Sam began to the meeting impatiently. "The Artemis will be fully supplied and all of the crew should be on board."

"I'm leaving you Zelenka and the second science team," Rodney piped out through his piece of pie. "I'm not entirely sure why you'd need them, but you insisted."

Elizabeth nodded and swallowed before she spoke. "There's a medical lab, buried Ancient technology," she paused and reached for her computer. John's open hands held her plate as she wiped her hands clean on her pants. "And I don't see why we should stop exploring this galaxy. We'll have to be more careful, take extra precautions without the city to fall back on but..."

"Tally-ho?" Jack interrupted with pleasant surprise. "I suppose I agree, exploratory measures should be taken, explorations should be embarked upon even when it seems like they'd be a waste of time."

"Knowledge is never a waste," Elizabeth finished for him. "We had a mission. We all had a mission to better our world; I don't think it stops because our world is..."

"...gone?" Sam interjected less enthusiastically. "All scientists and engineers not on the second team will be traveling on the Artemis to Orilla. We'll concentrate on rebuilding Atlantis, making that our home now."

"While we're on the subject," Carson drew their attention. "I wonder if we might spend some time taking about numbers."

"What kind of numbers are you interested in?" Rodney asked in surprise as he stared at the doctor.

"Population," Carson explained easily. "I know it's not the most sensitive subject, but we really do need to discuss it. I'll make it simple for you. Right now there are eight hundred thirteen humans left in our group, and that's including sixty-seven Athosians. When fully functional with three ZPMs, Atlantis can support ten thousand people."

"So that's nine thousand eighty-seven spots to fill," Rodney replied without seeing the doctor's point. "So what?"

"The average age of our survivors is forty-one," Carson continued patiently. He lifted his computer and passed it to Elizabeth. "We have nearly two hundred people over fifty-five and we only have less than a hundred children." He paused and watched Rodney roll his eyes. "So we can only replace half of our elderly and none of our workers. If we don't start changing our policies our population will drop to less than an eighth of what it is now. A generation after that we'll probably all be extinct."

"What are you saying Carson?" Elizabeth asked softly, trying to bite back the chill feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What do you want us to do?"

"Forgive me for being bunt my dear, but exactly what you and John are doing," Carson responded with a quiet smile. "We need to have babies. Put in place the kind of support system that will let our people do that. It doesn't matter if we have an economy, technology, or culture if there's none of us left to carry on."

"You can't just ask people to breed, like dogs or cats or rabbits," Rodney argued setting down his plate in shock. "It's not right, we're not rabbits...at least I'm not."

"Yes it is," Ronon said simply. "To exist we have to be born. To keep fighting we have to be taught to resist. We fight and train our children to fight. We replace those we lose. We continue." His eyes were stone with determination and Elizabeth remembered why she tried never to argue with this man.

"Well, yes," Carson agreed with a more temperate smile. "He's right. We have a society that's the last of all societies, the last part of a planet that existed for billions of years. We're the end."

The twig he'd been fidgeting with dropped to the ground at Jack's feet. "I prefer to think of us as the beginning. It's much more positive than being an end."

"How do we talk to them?" Elizabeth asked curiously as she picked up her tea again. "What do I say to someone living in a refugee camp to make them want a child?"

John's hand ran down her arm, steadying the hand holding her cup. Elizabeth's heartbeat echoed like thunder in her ears. "You'll think of something," he finished aloud. "You always do."

* * *

John stretched his aching muscles before he collapsed on the foot of the bed. Elizabeth looked up from her computer for a moment before pushing her hair back out of her eyes and turning to her work. "How was your work out?"

"Ronon found muscles I didn't know I had and destroyed them..." John sighed as he reached for her ankle. Wrapping his fingers lazily around it, he closed his eyes on the stone ceiling. "Do you like the room? I think the beds were nicer on Atlantis." his voice trailed off without her really hearing him.

Her lips smiled but her eyes were exhausted. "We're lucky we get a whole room," she offered as she rubbed his dirty wrist with her other foot. "Quarters are going to be tight this winter." She lifted her hands from her computer and tried again to tie back her hair. "Are you going to shower?"

"I'm on the rotation for tomorrow, oh-five-hundred," John explained as he sat up. Kissing the top of her foot, he sniffed the shirt over his chest and shook his head. "Want me to sleep on top of the blankets?"

"We have showers?" she asked in surprise. The bed shifted beneath her as he dragged himself back to his feet.

"I was kidding about the shower," John clarified as he stripped his black t-shirt from his chest. His skin was damp with seat and smeared with dirt. A long red welt ran down the left side of his stomach. "I'll take a swim in the morning," he promised as he dropped his pants.

"I'm not worried," Elizabeth assured him as she watched him stand on a bench to hang his dirty clothes from one of the crude wooden rafters. Shutting off her computer darkened the room to the light of a single candle. Leaving the computer on the wooden table by the bed, she folded her feet beneath her and watched as he used his steel cup to brush his teeth. "How is Ronon?"

"He's got a fairly efficient way of checking planets for Teyla," John said looking over his clean shirt before he decided to crawl into bed. The sheets were soft and clean, and the bed crackled with straw beneath him. "He's taken the marines to four worlds so far, no injuries, no casualties."

"He's collecting information?" she asked as she crawled in next to him. He stared up at the ceiling as her head dropped to his chest. Her hand ran down and settled on his stomach.

"He's keeping busy," John replied shifting his position. He reached out for the candle on the table and Elizabeth sat up so he could reach it. Smoke curled upwards as he blew it out. "You okay?"

"It's getting harder to keep my laptop in my lap," she complained as she balanced on an elbow.

He laughed and bit back the end of a yawn. "Maybe you'll have to learn to relax," he teased lazily. "Carson talked to you?"

"He's pretty passionate about handling the population," she answered as she sat up all the way. "He's been working with the civilians, setting up schooling, child care..." she broke off staring at tiny glass window. "I just keep thinking I can't ask these women to do this."

Putting both of his hands behind his head on the pillow, John stared at the ceiling and imagined a different life. He'd probably be in the barracks with the troops, playing cards with Major Lorne and planning raids on the Wraith with Ronon; most definitely not resting his hand on her stomach. "You wouldn't have chosen this," he clarified for her gently.

"Would you?" she asked in return looking from his quiet green eyes to her own rounded belly. "If you had the choice, wouldn't you rather be...?"

"No," he cut her off softly. "I used to think I liked being alone more than anything. When you do something all your life you get really good at it," he shrugged, "Atlantis was different," he sighed and closed his eyes to listen to her breathing. "This is different. It's better, richer somehow. I have people who know my jokes."

"I still don't get the one about the lucky fish," she teased through the lump in her throat.

"I didn't say this was perfect," John assured her reaching for her arm to pull her back down. "We have to get up early, get a good place in the breakfast line," he reminded her as he curled up against her. Elizabeth found herself in a tangle of his limbs and the smell of forest and sweat. His breathing slowed, evening out in the cool darkness of their room.

"I usually don't like surprises," she whispered to his hair.

A hand moved lazily up to cup her breast in response. "Control freak," he muttered into the side of her neck.

"I thought you were sleeping," she teased reaching up for the hand on her breast and grinning faintly.

"Failure to communicate that to my hands," he grunted towards his hand without moving it. "Ronon asked me to help him track Teyla." Her fingers tightened involuntarily around his hand and his eyes fluttered open. Struggling to look at her John felt her heartbeat quicken in her chest. "She's one of us."

"I know," she replied without argument. "We don't leave our people behind." She knew losing Teyla still bothered him. Even Ford's loss was still fresh in his mind sometimes. They'd lost so much so quickly when Teyla had disappeared. The Replicator attack took too many more lives; one fugitive was too much risk.

John mumbled something she couldn't make out. Not trusting herself to speak, she kissed the top of his head fervently.

"I told him I can't," he answered the silent question sleepily, not even realizing the panic he'd stirred up. "Too many things to keep track of here. Training programs..." he drifted off completely.

His hand went limp in hers and the enormous toll of the day slipped from his body. For a long time she lay there, too afraid of ruining the moment to look at her watch. The earpiece on the nightstand was silent. Rolling her head to the side, Elizabeth realized if there was an emergency someone would probably just knock on her door. If they even bothered to knock at all before barging in. Would it really be worth it someday?

* * *

Jack slunk around the corner of the Artemis' hallway and ducked into the crawlspace surrounding the main drive. Lying on her back, bathed in the blue light Sam tinkered with the engines of her ship.

"Do you really intend to hide down here all night?" he asked gently as he knelt down at her side. Grey stubble covered his face and made a scratching sound as he rubbed it.

"I'm working, not hiding," Sam corrected brutally pushing aside his attempt at levity. "I'm taking this ship into another galaxy, a potentially very dangerous galaxy and I don't know every system yet."

"You know them well enough," he insisted softly as he reached for her shoulder. "You sure you're okay?" Sam glared at his hand but she didn't shake it off. Jack sighed heavily. "You could have taken the day off."

"This is my ship," she insisted again, still stubbornly refusing to look anywhere near him. Her throat was tight and it tightened the more he remained.

"We should talk..." he began softly, gently squeezing her shoulder as he lowered himself

"...you don't talk, Jack," Sam snapped before she sighed and closed her eyes. "You worry and insinuate without getting to the point."

"Don't," he whispered softly as his throat constricted. Sam tried to avoid seeing him cry as a rule, but she was too tired to be gentle. He could be as emotional as he wanted; the ship wasn't on his shoulders.

"It wasn't right," Sam corrected him as she forced herself back to work. She needed to be busy. She needed to keep moving. "The scanner said there were genetic problems. It wouldn't have lived."

His hand ran over his shoulder towards her cheek. She wormed out of the way, but he caressed her anyway. "I'm sorry, Sam," Jack offered finally softening his voice to where it was barely audible. Her chest heaved once but she held it in.

"I didn't want to try," she shot back harshly. Her eyes were tearing up and she couldn't see what she was doing but her hands kept adjusting the same crystal over and over. "I thought we should leave well enough alone. What business do we have?"

"Come out here," Jack begged as he lay down on the deck next to her.

"I have to finish recalibrating the long-range transmitter," Sam insisted cruelly as she kept her hands working.

"Sam..." he started softly, still trying to coax her.

"It was my fault," she snapped viciously as she pulled entirely out of reach. "I didn't want to be pregnant, Jack. I still don't think now is the time..."

"...now is all we have," he interjected softly as he rolled to peer in at her.

"I'll be done in an hour or two," Sam finally forced out. "Can't it wait until then?" Her chest was too tight to keep going, but as long as her hands were moving she was doing something. Working meant she didn't have to think about the blood on her feet in the shower that morning. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"I have an hour or two to spare," Jack offered quietly without moving from the deck. "I am semi-retired after all." The only reply he got was the scraping of tools against metal and the gentle hum of a crystal coming back online. Sam kept going trying to ignore his presence.

"I can't talk about this," she murmured finally when she realized her hands were bleeding from a mistake she hadn't felt herself make. Sam put her finger in her mouth and looked up at control crystals that were just blue blurs against the grey metal of her ship.

"Then don't," Jack offered bluntly without moving or turning away.

"It's not right," she whispered as she watched blood from her hand drip slowly down her wrist. The red grew darker and richer as it began clot and dry in the air. "I didn't want."

"Carter," he began as fabric rustled behind her. "Sam..."

"We waited too long," she started as closed her eyes. "I'm forty-one. Do you know what our chances are?"

"Our chances in anything, have always been worse than lousy," Jack grunted and shifted a little closer to her. "Still, I think it's worth trying for."

"I don't," she finished grimly. "I don't..." Sam repeated as she tried to focus on something else. Shaking his hand off her shoulder she rolled in the tiny crawl space to face him. "I can't...I can't even get used to you calling me Sam."

"I think I'm supposed to use your first name, something about marrying you," Jack muttered with his usual lack of seriousness. "I love you, Carter," he reminded her as he settled his arms beneath his head. "You do know we can't waste your brain. Maybe it wasn't meant to be this time but..."

"God Jack," she sputtered as she pushed past him out of the crawl space. Standing over him she realized how small he was. His hair had been quietly going grey the entire time she'd known him. He was already older than her; the lines around his eyes were more pronounced then the ones she'd started to notice on her own face in the harsh light of the infirmary. "I thought I'd feel worse," Sam admitted softly to the bulkhead above him. "Like it should hurt."

"It's the first day," Jack offered with a groan as he sat up. She lowered a hand, in case he wanted to get to his feet. His hand was dry in her palm and she forgot about the blood on her wrist until his skin stuck to hers. She pulled and he pulled back, but she wasn't ready; her feet weren't planted on the deck. Tumbling to the deck next to him, Sam yelped when her knee hit hard. "Sorry," he offered as he touched her cheek.

"My fault," she replied simply as the pain washed through her grief and gave her something to focus on. "My fault..." she repeated softly. "Fuck." Sam covered her mouth with her fist, staring past him at the wall.

"Does it hurt?" he asked softly unsure where to start.

"Not enough," Sam shrugged back and bit her lip before she finally dropped her head. "Not nearly enough."

* * *

"You outsourced your children?" Carson spat suddenly caught between surprise and disgust. "Who raised them?" He got up from his chair and reached for Mab's shoulder and startled her away from her work. "Did ye just leave 'em on a planet somewhere?"

She turned up from the computer curiously. "They were properly cared for on a safe planet," she replied without remorse. "And those too young to ascend were left in a safe place once we reached the point where we could no longer wait for them." Still struggling with his upset, Mab moved her chair back. "They were safe."

Carson forced himself to take a deep breath and try to understand. He folded his arms over his chest and sighed. "Did you ever see them?" he asked more gently.

"I met my daughters twice when they visited the city," she explained calmly as she pulled herself back to the computers. "Unfortunately, I was always very busy with work. Their father was more involved."

"Your husband?" Carson wondered as he took a step towards her. There was some kind of softness in her face, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to call it regret just yet.

"In the last generations we didn't marry," she replied without turning around this time. Her voice caught slightly in her throat and he wondered if there was dust in the air he wasn't noticing. "It seemed pointless to devote such time to the frivolity of relationships."

"But you loved someone," he speculated as he dropped a hand to her shoulder. "I know what it's like to be lonely," Carson offered thoughtfully as he stared past her at the stone wall. "How long have you been here?"

She tilted her head up towards his hand, surprising him with tears in her black eyes. "Ten thousand years, give or take," she answered with a patient smile. "It all blends together after awhile."

"That's a very long time to be alone," Carson murmured sympathetically. "How'd you cope with it?"

There was an answer in her eyes for a moment, a greater softening that betrayed an eon of loneliness and doubt. Then something burned that away. Her eyes darkened, sinking back into her head lit coals into a fire. "I have to go..." she whispered in her human voice before she began to morph. Before her eyes she became something else, the other unlike any he'd seen. He'd seen Chaya return to her ascended form, but this was wrong somehow. Instead of radiating light from within Mab seemed to take it from the room, burning and consuming everything around her.

Finally Carson closed his good eye and dropped to the ground before it was burned blind as well. When he regained his footing she was gone and only the smell of charcoal and sulfur remained.

* * *

Across the campground, Elizabeth woke in drenched in sweat. John felt her move a moment before the alarm bells rang out across the city. He'd forgotten the bells in the tower, they both had, but now the sound cut through the night. For the time being emergency stations were in a tent with the radio equipment. He dragged himself out of bed and struck a match to light their candle.

Her breath was ragged in the dark and sweat was already starting to bead on her forehead. John looked for his pants in the weak light and started to pull them on. "You awake?" he asked as he turned around.

Elizabeth nodded slowly and tried to get her eyes to focus. Her hands, legs, every part of her was damp with a layer of sweat. Her shirt clung to her chest and the sheets refused to release her legs as she started to stand. "Yeah I..." she couldn't place the sensation. Something inside of her was burning and she was losing control of the fire.

"Hey..." he started as he crossed the room. "What is it?" When he touched her hand he jumped back momentarily. "What's going on?"

"Don't know," she said as she started to reassure him. "I feel foggy," Elizabeth decided slowly as she shook her head again. She pushed sweat from her eyes and tried to smile at him. "It's all over."

"Are you sick?" he demanded protectively as he took her shoulders. Her hair was starting to cling to her neck and she looked like she'd been caught in the rain. "I can get Carson, we can go to medical."

"I'm okay," she insisted as she tried to find the answers in herself. "Is it hot in here?" Elizabeth ran her hands over her skin and stopped them on his.

"It's not hot," he explained as he looked around for a towel or something similar. Settling on the shirt at the foot of the bed, he wiped her face carefully. "We should go to medical."

"We should go to control," Elizabeth argued as she ripped off her shirt off over her head. John steadied her hands, staring at the sweat shimmering on her skin in the candlelight.

"Something's wrong," he worried and drew a sleepy nod from her.

Licking her lips, she discovered the strange charcoal taste that came with the heat inside of her. Helping him wipe the sweat from her body she sighed and leaned against him for a moment. "It's her," she realized in a moment of clarity. Opening her eyes again she met his concern with understanding. "Something's happening out there. The queen..."

"Fuck the queen!" John snapped suddenly, startling her back and nearly into laughter. "Sorry," he corrected as he handed over her bra. "She can't keep doing this to you."

Elizabeth swallowed and let her head drop to his shoulder again while she held back her laughter. "I don't think she means to," she disagreed gently. "Not that I know much of Ancient virus or methods of genetics."

"That's why we should go ask Carson," John insisted as he watched her pull on a clean shirt. Her hair was still wet and fresh sweat appeared to take place of that he wiped away. "Please?" he begged as he cupped her cheek.

"I feel like I've stepped outside in the jungles of Africa on a summer day," she explained with a trace of amusement. Elizabeth tied her hair back and up, pulling the laces tight around her curls. John's features danced through concern to something quieter. "I will go to Carson as soon as we know what the alarm is. I promise you, John."

Her hand over his lips quieted him even as he tasted the sweat on her fingers. "You could be hurting our baby," he started through her fingers. "You could be hurting yourself you don't..."

"...It's the virus again," she snapped as she reached for her boots. It took more work than in the past, but she pulled them on as John watched. "Carson's going to say it's the damned virus replicating, mutating or dancing a jig in my bloodstream." The reflection of the candle flickered in his steady green eyes. "You need me."

John shrugged slowly and led her to the doorway. The wood creaked as he opened it into the corridor of the castle. Footsteps rang out against the stone, making out a percussive beat with the bells of alarm still ringing out across the city. "Come on," he offered falling in a step behind her. "Bet McKay broke something."

"He's at least a day towards the Asgard by now," Elizabeth murmured as they hurried past closed doors and all the civilians who could afford to sleep through the alarm. "What could he have broken?"

"He's McKay," John insisted as he kept their pace below a jog. Something wasn't right and nothing she was going to say could shake that cold feeling out of the pit of his stomach.

* * *

"We hadn't heard from our Genii contacts," Chuck started to explain as his superiors looked at him for answers. "I thought it was something simple."

"Transmitter malfunction," Zelenka added softly as he stared at the wounded by the gate. "Ronon's team was on the way back..."

John didn't need to hear the rest. He nodded quickly to the two men Elizabeth had left in charge of the late watch and headed for his friend. Simon was already on the ground by Ronon, turning his lantern so he got the best view of the dark injury bleeding through the leather.

"The one I saw looked like Teyla," Ronon spat as he tried to force himself to stay conscious. A Wraith blaster had caught him directly in the shoulder as he'd guarded the gate for the others. "She was taller," he grunted as Simon started to cut his charred jacket away. "Blue hair, wraith features," he spat again and there was blood in his saliva that reddened the stone by the gate. "She's bred," he finally managed to explain through clenched teeth.

"The burn is severe," Simon said softly with his voice artificially calm. "There's damage to the muscle underneath, possibly some intrusion into the chest cavity, I want him first in surgery." He waved to his support staff and two marines appeared with a stretcher. "Call the Daedalus," he asked Chuck as he kept triaging what he saw. "Tell him we have heavy casualties."

Elizabeth touched Ronon's good shoulder and leaned down towards him. "Bred?" she asked in gentle confusion.

"Wraith breed," Ronon explained through gritted teeth. His huge eyes stared into hers as if he could dump all he had seen into her mind. "Like insects, one queen gives birth to lesser queens..." he clutched his shoulder and forced himself conscious with a vicious twist of his arm. Pain was so audible in his voice that Elizabeth felt the searing in her own flesh. The smell of blood and scorched tissue turned her stomach in knots.

"The lesser queens give birth to the drones?" Elizabeth filled in for him as she tried to make sense of it. "But Teyla..."

"Is one of them," Ronon finished flatly before finally closing his eyes, sickened more by his memories than his injuries. Elizabeth's head swam and she felt the smelled of burned flesh run through her and settle in her stomach. Sweat beaded fresh on her forehead and John had to wrap an arm around her shoulders to keep her upright on her knees.

"Doctor Weir?" Chuck asked with soft concern as he touched her arm. "Are you?"

John nodded for her but he knew his face wasn't convincing anymore. Looking around for Carson he found the one-eyed doctor deep in conversation with one of the wounded marines. The poor woman's face was so covered in blood that he couldn't tell who she was, but she was talking, so he let himself hope she'd be all right. He couldn't take Carson, but Elizabeth continued to worry him.

A new smell cut through the blood and ozone of weapons fire, sulfur, rich and putrid as it hung in the air. The gate began to respond to an incoming wormhole and John reached for Ronon's gun. With it set to kill, he pointed it at the gate. The shield snapped up for a moment before disengaging. Whatever Ancient technology Mab used to control it had decided the new arrivals weren't a threat and let them through.

It was more soldiers and the rest of Ronon's team. Cameron and Daniel each had a man slung over their shoulders, and Vala had a stranger's arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders as they ran through. Jeannie Miller led the rest of the wounded through. These were wounded in Genii uniforms who were too shell-shocked to speak as Elizabeth rose to her feet.

"They needed new blood," Daniel offered grimly as he watched Carson and some of the Daedaulus' med staff materialize to help Simon deal with the members of Ronon's team who'd made it back. Out of Ronon's fifteen volunteers, four were sprawled on the ground. One of the fallen was covered with a blood soaked green jacket and John knew she'd never get up again. "They needed new blood so they took Teyla," he repeated as he set down the man he carried and realized he was already dead.

Vala wasn't smiling. Her face was ashen and her lips were set in a tight line. Jeannie was coaching the wounded, looking strangely comfortable with a heavy machine gun cradled in her arm. One of the last was a dirty, bedraggled man who could barely stand beneath the burden he carried on his shoulders was Ladon Radim.

Ladon looked through John as his eyes landed on Elizabeth. "They rent open the earth itself and came for us," he choked on his words in a dry throat. "These were my councilors, my bodyguards, my best fighters and we barely escaped." He coughed and sagged under the weight on the man he carried. John and Zelenka hurried to him, lowering the unconscious body to the ground before Laden collapsed with him.

"They knew things no Wraith knows," he whispered as he fell forward. Elizabeth scrambled to catch him, crawling on the stone towards him as exhaustion overcame him. His skin was cold and gritty with dust. "She came for us like she knew us."

Elizabeth couldn't speak. She couldn't put a voice to the desolation she felt, or the leaden guilt that had fallen on her shoulders. People moved around her, Carson caring for the wounded. John starting to organize the Genii refugees. Laden's head lay in her lap and his eyes were open, she wasn't sure he could see.

"We saw your soldiers," one of the Genii explained from in front of her. "We thought..."

"Are there others?" John demanded as he turned to the one who seemed most capable of speech. "We could put together an extraction..."

"...no more," the Genii soldier interrupted without emotion. His voice sounded like gravel scraping against the stone. "There are no others."

"She'll hunt her own kind next," Mab promised in a voice that seemed to echo inside of Elizabeth's skull. As she whirled to look for the sound she saw Mab had materialized by the gate. Her hair was wild around her head and her feet were invisible through a ring of smoke surrounding her. "There isn't another planet with the same population as the Genii and her needs are great."

John stood up to her. "Are there more survivors on the Genii planet? Anyone you can..."

Mab closed her eyes and expanded her mind. Elizabeth could feel the heat of Mab's presence growing like a blaze in front of her and for the briefest of moments the queen shared what she saw.

Teyla's head was thrown back; her eyes screwed shut with pain. Black blood, Wraith blood ran down the grey-green skin of her naked legs. Michael knelt before her, his hands full of something wet and squirming. Her eyes opened to the night and Elizabeth, John and everyone around them shared the same menacing realization. Daniel saw more than the rest because his mind was still open. Silently heading for the library, he didn't even take the time to remove his gun.

"She is more than just a Wraith," Mab corrected as she sank back into human form. The change lifted the throbbing pain in Elizabeth's head and she managed to meet John's eyes without flinching. "She is all Wraith now."


	26. reshaping

_ninety-three days after Earth_

John twisted in bed beside her and Elizabeth wondered if he was sleeping. Dawn was still a few hours away and the long autumn night clung to the planet like a cloak. Exhaustion whispered in her ears and she could feel her heart running wild in her chest. The forest scent was gone from his skin and he smelled of blood and smoke, just like she did.

No blankets could cover up the smell and it turned her stomach into strange knots. No matter how many times she'd washed her hands she didn't feel clean. John turned again, reaching out as he moved. His grasping hand caught her arm and she let his fingers dig into her skin. She would be real for him, be the calm through his nightmares. Elizabeth couldn't say what he was dreaming and as his fingers grew more insistent she was almost glad she couldn't share it.

She had the beginning of a eulogy typed out on her laptop, but she'd risk waking John to reach it. She'd lost count of how many she'd written; how many coffins she'd stood over. There were too many dead today and she'd had to sign the order for a mass grave. Was that where they were going? All of them spinning wildly down towards oblivion in a darkness no one would survive to see. Who would bury them if they failed?

For a moment she saw Atlantis being discovered ten thousand years in the future. New humans making their way through deserted corridors and wondering how the beautiful city had ended up stuck in a nebula and lost in space. Would they know what they had found? Would they know how many people had died for that city? How many lives had ended for the dream she stubbornly clung to. John moaned and released her arm, turning over again and taking most of the blankets with him.

Sighing, Elizabeth pulled on the quilt for a moment before realizing she couldn't move him. Slipping over to his side, she snuck her arms around his shoulders and pressed herself against him. It was harder than it had been and sometimes it seemed like every time she saw herself she was different. John's baby was growing within her, taking her over and remaking what she was. Tightening her grip on his shoulders she buried her face in the back of his head and let his neck be all she saw.

John was running. His legs ached and his chest felt like he'd slammed it into a wall, but he kept running. The grass fell away beneath his feet, giving way to dirt and a ridge of rock, but he kept running. Elizabeth was in front of him and her hand was back towards him. No matter how fast he ran and how much he reached, he couldn't take her hand.

So he kept running. Elizabeth's hair bounced on her back and he wondered why she wasn't tired. He hadn't trained with her before, but she was always ahead, always just out of reach. Her red t-shirt wasn't even dark with sweat and she continued. The air was getting thinner. He was having trouble breathing; the ache in his chest was a burning agony he couldn't run through anymore. He heard the gate dialing, and the steady whoosh of the connection. It was just over the ridge, just a little further.

He tripped. Falling down the incline, he tumbled and rolled against the gravel and landed just in front of the gate. The blue light filled his vision as he lifted his head. A hand came down, lifting him up to his feet. As he panted to catch his breath he looked up and into Teyla's eyes. Her eyes had gone black and cold. Her skin was white and her face had been changed.

"You're not Elizabeth," he accused her as he looked around for the woman he'd been following.

"Come with me," the Wraith who was Teyla asked.

"I can't," John replied sadly as he shook his head. "You're not you anymore."

"Maybe this is what I was meant to be," she purred as she circled him. "I lead my people...the Wraith are my people."

"John?" that voice wasn't Teyla's. He turned away from the gate, turning his back on her. "John?" someone asked again and it cut through his dream. As it started to fade he turned back to Teyla.

"I could still save you," he insisted stubbornly looking through the Wraith features for the woman he knew.

"John..." the voice came with a hand on his shoulder and his dream faded into in the quiet reality of Elizabeth's face in the darkness. He forced himself to sit up even though his body loathed moving. He blinked and tried to get his eyes to focus, but there wasn't much light.

"I'm awake," he murmured sleepily as he tried to decide if he had enough energy to do whatever he had to do. "Get dressed?" he asked softly as he started to stagger out of bed.

"No..." she didn't bother to finish and grabbed his hand instead. Too tired to care what was going on, he sank back into bed and let her keep his fingers. To his surprise she pressed them to her skin, sliding his hand up beneath her shirt. Elizabeth pushed his hand hard against her skin, somewhere beneath the muscles of her stomach something twitched.

He forced his eyes open and tried to keep himself from going back to sleep until he knew what she wanted. "Elizabeth..." he murmured in confusion.

"Can you feel that?" she asked breathlessly.

"What?" he grunted as he lifted his head a centimeter from the pillow.

"That," she insisted. "There, feel it?"

"What is that?" John mumbled as he tried to keep his head up away from his beckoning pillow.

"John--" she cried before choking up.

He dragged himself up to sit against the wall next to her. Elizabeth still had an iron grip on his left hand but he used his right to rub sleep from his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth kissed him suddenly, startling him further away from sleep. Her lips were hurried and slipped off his to kiss his cheek and his chin. When her face was touching hers, he felt the damp tears on her skin. His right hand cupped her face. "Hey--"

"I didn't think..." she started barely loud enough for him to hear her. "I didn't know it was going to move. I thought..." Elizabeth stopped and stared into his eyes. Hers were brimming with tears and her chin trembled beneath his hand. "...I thought it might not be real. I thought something was wrong."

Bringing his second hand down to her stomach, John felt for his child. Elizabeth found a spot and pushed his hand in harder than he would have dared. Somewhere beneath the flesh something tiny and foreign pushed back. He tried to pull his hand away but she held it tight against her skin.

"Feel that," she insisted fervently.

John couldn't think of anything to say. He opened his mouth without making an intelligible sound. When he tried again, he ended up strangling a yawn. Elizabeth's head rested against his and she kissed him again. John sleepily returned it, but he wasn't sure he could keep his eyes open much longer. "I'm glad, Elizabeth," he managed finally to mumble.

"Oh John," she murmured rubbing his head. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him to her chest. Feebly kissing her arm in response, he kept his hand on her belly as his eyes closed. "It's okay if you sleep," she finished softly. "You sleep--"

* * *

It wasn't until the redness of Ronon's wounds had started to recede that Carson noticed the rash. Some of the tiny blood vessels in his skin had died, leaving a web of tiny blue and red lines just below the skin. He didn't think much of it the first time he saw it. Ronon had been burned badly and the muscles of his shoulder had taken nearly four hours to rebuild. Some problems were to be expected after major surgery.

Then the rash had shown up on others. It ran across Ladon Radim's face and down his neck onto his chest. Chuck showed up during breakfast with a nasty headache and the same intricate webbing of dead blood vessels across his hands. Halfway through his examination the rash was up to his wrists and he had trouble keeping his eyes open.

Doctor Jackson came in with it on his shoulder and his hands. His temperature was up to forty degrees and he couldn't focus. He couldn't remember where the rash had come from or when it had appeared but he was slipping into a stupor in front of Carson's eyes. Vala Mal Doran had it on her back and the more he looked at it the more the pattern made sense.

"I hate to ask such a delicate question," Carson began as she pulled her shirt back on and lay back down on the infirmary bed next to Daniel's.

Vala moved her head slightly and pulled dark hair out of her face as she stared at him. She squinted as if she needed to make out his face. "I don't know if anyone's told you," she murmured as she pulled the blanket up tighter to her chest. "But I'm not known as a delicate person."

"Are you sleeping with Doctor Jackson?"

She laughed slightly and tossed her head weakly in Daniel's direction. "He's attractive, brilliant and favors the kinkier side in bed. Wouldn't you?"

Carson grinned and patted her shoulder. "Thank you, Dear," he answered as he started to put the pieces together. He slid his hands into his pockets as he headed back to the laboratory. Mab was leaning her head on her hands and staring into her computer screen. He was still smiling when she looked up.

"You've figured it out," Mab demanded as she snapped the stiffness out of her neck. "Tell me."

"Stand up," he asked taking his hands from the pockets of his coat. "Come here."

Complying without question, Mab turned to him and let Carson wrap his hands around her back. Immediately, all he could smell was the strange scent that clung to her hair at all times, sulfur and smoke, like the remnants of a bonfire.

"Put your hands around me," Carson requested softly nervous now that he realized she was touching his shoulders. "Where are you touching and what would the marks look like if you had the contaminant on your hands?"

"Mal Doran," Mab realized as she slipped out of his embrace. Carson got half a smile, one of the cryptic ones she only had when she was human. "Mitchell?"

"No," Carson said, tapping the touch screen on her computer and bringing up his file on Daniel. "Doctor Jackson."

She paused, her black eyes moving quickly over the screen. "Mitchell fits better with your infection model," Mab pointed out as she lost concentration. Her hand suddenly started to flame, becoming insubstantial and passing into the computer screen.

Carson grabbed her wrist, pulling it back out and waiting for it to resume flesh. "Be careful," he warned gently. "You're not much use to me when you're ascended, Love."

"So what's the common thread?" Mab asked as she rubbed her hand thoughtfully.

"Something they all touched," Carson thought as he paced behind her chair.

"Have you tested their blood?"

* * *

John yawned again as he reached for the clay jug filled with coffee on the crude wooden table. He dumped steaming coffee into his metal cup and clung to it like a lifeline as he sat down next to Colonel Mitchell.

Cameron looked up from his own breakfast and buried a smirk with a forkful of eggs. "You look like hell," he advised around the food in his mouth.

"Didn't get much sleep," John mumbled as he clung to his cup.

"I don't think any of us did," Cameron agreed as he poked at his eggs with a piece of dry toast. "You weren't in the infirmary. Where'd you end up?"

"In bed," John said drinking deeply as he tried to shake the sleep out of his mind.

"Wanna talk about it?" Cameron joked lightly putting down his toast and giving John his full attention. "It's been awhile, but I think I remember what being naked with a beautiful woman is like."

Cameron's face was so serious that John couldn't decide if he was joking or not. His mind was running too slowly to make a decision and the other man eventually took pity on him.

Looking across his breakfast at the other colonel, Cameron sighed heavily. "Guess it wasn't sex?"

"No--" John replied quickly surprised as he realized what he'd missed. "No, we haven't in awhile..."

"...so what?" Cameron saved him again by interrupting. "She okay?" He scratched the stubble on his chin and John wondered if he looked as bad.

"The baby moved," John blurted out dumbly. Setting down his coffee quickly he looked past Cameron before meeting his gaze. It still felt strange. He'd been okay when Elizabeth wasn't feeling well. That was easy to fix.

"That's great," Cameron insisted cheerfully getting up for more coffee. Refilling John's cup, he touched his shoulder in support.

"It was weird," John admitted as he lowered his eyes to the surface of his coffee. He started to say something else, but he couldn't think of the right thing. Part of him just wanted to crawl back into bed.

"Hungry?" Cameron offered as he dropped a plate of food in front of John. "The eggs are good."

The eggs in question waited steaming on one side of the simple metal plate. Toast was stuffed in next to the eggs. A pile of sausage and vegetables of unknown origin made up the rest of the breakfast. John stared at it for a moment before he jammed his fork into the eggs. He chewed for a moment before he realized Cameron was watching him.

"How'd you get so lucky?" Cameron asked thoughtfully as he sat back down on the bench across from John. John was too tired to notice the taste of his food, but he reminded himself to chew and swallow it. "Elizabeth's smart, in charge, dedicated, and it sounds like she's really getting warm to the baby."

John jumped, coughing as he reached for his coffee to clear his throat. "Didn't know my life was so popular in the food line," he muttered poking at his eggs.

"We need something to do," Cameron shrugged and leaned on his elbows. "There's no football." He tapped his fingers lazily on the table. "She's a catch."

"Heard anything from the infirmary?" John asked quickly enough to change the subject. Elizabeth wasn't someone he was used to being connected with. Elizabeth wasn't his. He hadn't caught her. Finishing his second cup of coffee and waiting for the caffeine to lift the fog in his mind, he kept eating. Lifting his fork to his mouth without thinking about it, he saw the other man look down before he looked up.

"Ronon's alright," Cameron began with his hands around his cup. "Doctor Wallace pulled him through first. We lost Lieutenant Bohr, Corporal Rowanski, and Corporal Idsen in surgery. Jeannie and I sat up in triage for awhile. You forget what it's like when you haven't done that before."

John swallowed and looked down the table at the rest of the military personnel. They had training to deal with death and overcrowded living conditions. None of the civilians had that luxury. "But she's okay?"

"Crawled into bed with Maddie," Cameron replied with a quiet grin. "She's going to be alright."

"You said last night we didn't need to send a team back to the Genii home world?" John reminded him as his head started to clear. His legs still felt heavy as he sat at the table, and he was starting to sweat from the coffee, but he was starting to wake up.

"There's nothing left," Cameron sighed shaking his head and dropping his voice. "I hadn't seen these Wraith in action up close and personal before and I can't say that I want to see them again."

"I get that feeling a lot," John agreed scraping his fork across his plate as he finished his breakfast. "Doesn't really get easier."

"Never does," Cameron added looking past John and bursting into a smile when someone came into the canvas tent behind him. "Hey," he waved someone over to their end of the table.

"Morning," Jeannie said grinning cheerfully as Cameron got up from the bench for her. "Maddie's in training with the other kids this morning. I thought you might have some time to help me with my marksmanship?" She had her hands in her pockets, but she had a brilliant smile on her face. Sometimes she was so different from McKay it was hard to believe they were related.

"Yeah," Cameron started before he saw the amusement on John's face. "John and I were just..."

"...done," John finished for him. "I have to get over to Control." Neither of them were paying any attention to him so he shrugged, quietly amused as he left the tent. The air was still cold even in the late morning and he wondered where he was going to get a jacket.

"Guess I can't just write Earth for one anymore," he muttered to himself as he dragged his feet through the dirt towards the control tent. The smell of dried leaves and straw reminded him of football on the empty field in front of his school. Would he get to teach his kids to play? Daydreaming, he pictured himself overwhelmed by kids, knocked to the ground while they giggled and squealed around him.

That was how it was supposed to be. At least, as far as he thought. John didn't have many memories of swarming his father and playing football with a group of neighborhood children. His childhood had been quiet; many afternoons were spent building model planes in his room. His children wouldn't have that retreat. They'd probably have to build ZPMs or AK-47s as soon as their hands were big enough.

John stretched his sore shoulders and kept walking through the city. It was getting harder to tell the Earth refugees as they adapted more local clothing. The members of the expedition and the military still clung to their uniforms. He let time pass in his imagination and pictured the military in threadbare, old uniforms and the civilians dressed like villagers walking the streets of Atlantis. He pushed aside the rogue thought that they'd never get the city back and forced himself to smile at the people he passed.

Their control tent was just around the edge of the city, behind the piles of supplies covered in tarps. Elizabeth would already be there, surrounded by mission reports and buried in her computer. He was strangely jealous that she had something to do. With the city gone, he felt strangely superfluous, as if he'd been relegated to moral support. The idleness that had settled into his skin felt itchy, like a thick layer of dried mud.

What was he doing? Would he really be that useful as advisor or a military leader for an entire city? John hated waiting. He hated the cold, prickly feeling of doubt even more. He was usually comfortable with life or death situations because the margin for error was so small and the consequences were so dire. If he'd failed they would all die, but Earth would have gone on. Society as he knew it and everything he was fighting for then would have continued. Now it was all here around him. The last of what he considered best in the universe was struggling to scratch out an existence until Atlantis returned for her people.

Atlantis would be their salvation and they would step into the legacy of their ancestors. That was what Elizabeth so fiercely believed. It was written in her eyes when they shone with determination. She believed they were going to build a world that would be strong enough to heal the wounds of two galaxies. John wasn't sure he could have that kind of faith.

Putting his thoughts aside as he made his way through the tent to the back, John wondered why it was empty. Usually Chuck would have met him at the front and he'd have been fending off Zelenka and Doctor Jackson just to get a chance to talk to her.

Elizabeth was at the crude wooden table she was using as a desk. Her hair was falling over her shoulder towards the table in lazy curls, but she hadn't pushed it aside yet. Her computer was in front of her and the computer Chuck used to keep track of what she should be doing was next to hers. She was going between them both, with her eyes fixed and her forehead lined with concentration.

"You're all alone?" John wondered gently as his hands jumped forward to save someone's research from tumbling off the edge of her table as she jumped.

"Hey," Elizabeth started smiling in surprise. She pulled a tablet computer out of the way and gave him a corner of the table. "Yeah," she started to answer his question. "Chuck went to get breakfast; he'll probably be back soon."

John settled onto the corner of the table and watched her smile creep up into her eyes. "No Zelenka with a million theories this morning?"

"No, I haven't seen him," she replied with a tilt of her head. "I guess it's pretty quiet today." When she looked back to her computer, John left her and crossed to the technical table. He nearly tripped on the cords flowing out from the ZPM in the center of the room. Chuck's make-shift communications console had four flashing lights that she hadn't noticed. John couldn't really blame her. It was half Ancient technology, part spare parts from the Daedalus and part whatever Rodney had been able to find.

Two little boys, barely tall enough to come up to round of Elizabeth's belly, burst in through the canvas and startled John away from the malfunctioning radio.

"There's a problem..." one of them started as he tried to catch his breath.

"...your doctor," the second one finished. "He said to get Doctor Weir."

"You have me," Elizabeth replied as she patted one of their shoulders. "It's all right, thank you for running so fast." She put her hands on her hips and turned expectantly to John. "What is it?"

John fell into step at her side. She'd started to walk differently. It was a subtle change, something in her hips, but when he paid attention it was there. "Something technical," John shrugged. "The radios aren't one hundred percent. You alright?" he asked shyly as his hand found its way to her wrist. Her black jacket was starting to wear from everyday use, just like his and there was already a tiny hole in the fabric by the cuff.

Elizabeth stopped his worry as she slid his hand from wrist to her palm and squeezed it. "If I'm really quiet, and I haven't been moving around I can feel it," she replied in a nervous whisper that sent a flutter through his chest. "It's strange," Elizabeth admitted as she tightened her grip. "I wish I could share it with you. I've never had someone else living inside of me."

"Well, if you put it that way," John quipped dryly. "Who wouldn't be thrilled? It sounds like a parasite." Torn between his relief that Elizabeth was in a beautiful mood and the cold dread in his stomach that something else had gone wrong, he let himself get lost in thought.

"--shares your acquaintance with parasites," she finished with a grin that led him to believe what he'd missed had been a witty remark of some kind.

John let himself pull her close enough to wrap an arm around her lower back. To his slight surprise, she allowed the gesture and even slipped a hand up onto his shoulder in response.

"You look tired," she murmured as they hurried through the crowded streets of the inner city.

"Someone wouldn't let me sleep."

"That's your fault," Elizabeth retorted as he started to smile.

"Between the two of us, who sleeps and who doesn't?"

Stopping him in the stone hall just outside the space they were using as an infirmary, Elizabeth held his chin in her cool fingers a moment before she kissed his cheek. "You have a point."

* * *

"It's wreaking havoc on their entire metabolic processes," Carson ranted as he shook his head in frustration. "Their vital signs are all over the charts and they're all regenerating tissue at an incredible rate. Ronon and Laden's wounds have already healed, but their bodies continue to produce new cells. Bone marrow, liver cells, heart tissues, and even nerve cells that should never be able to regenerate are spontaneously remaking themselves."

"It's truly extraordinary," Simon agreed softly as he looked down at his hands. The tell-tale roadmap of dying blood vessels left red and blue marks beneath the skin of his hands. His condition was starting to creep up his arms and Elizabeth noticed he was having trouble focusing his eyes when he looked at them. "There are wounds on Ronon's body that I stitched last night that have already healed around the stitches," he tightened his coat and tried to keep himself warm as the fever started to chill his body.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked when they finally gave her the chance. John had his chin in his hand behind her for a moment before he crossed his arms over his chest. He'd never liked the infirmary. In fact, she was willing to wager he would never have entered the room if it wasn't for the dangerous nature of his position. He stayed close to her and was careful to keep her from touching anything. "What are we dealing with?" she repeated when neither doctor started an explanation.

"It's a highly contagious viral infection," Carson replied simply while the queen looked on from behind his shoulder. Mab's face was softer than usual and Elizabeth felt like she could almost read something in the queen's eyes. "It's not airborne, yet, but it does seem to be spread by a minute level of physical contact. Even contact with things a carrier has touched allows it to spread," he finished with a sigh.

"Why aren't we looking a bigger epidemic?" John wondered as he fidgeted with a stray thread from his uniform. "If it's that contagious..."

"...the original carrier no longer seems to be spreading the virus." Mab interrupted as she took a step closer to John and Elizabeth. "In fact, I believe the virus has returned to dormancy for the present."

"All right," Elizabeth organized her thoughts as she chewed on the inside of her lip. The infection was slowly down and neither Carson or Simon seemed terribly worried. Simon was having trouble keeping his eyes open, but he seemed determined to finish the conversation before the virus took him. "How many cases are there?"

"Thirty-eight," Carson answered as indicated the ward behind him. "They're confined almost completely to the scientific and military personnel as well as a few of the Genii refugees."

"So an officer, a scientist and a refugee all got it from this original carrier?" John realized as his mind put the puzzle together. His hand had returned to her back and he seemed determined to keep it there. Elizabeth kept her eyes on Carson and waited for him to finish. John being at her side was bracing, even though his public need for tactile contact made her curious.

"One good thing about the rapid spread of the virus is that it's been easy to track," Carson moved to stand in front of the glowing computer screen in the wall.

Elizabeth still couldn't get over the fact that the city below the castle still drew water from a well and used wood to heat many of their buildings but still had as advanced of a medical facility as Atlantis herself. "Where did it start?"

"That's the peculiar part," Simon replied as he watched in fascination as the rash grew more pronounced on his hands. "Ladon and Ronon are the most advanced cases, but it seems likely Zelenka was exposed not too long afterwards."

"Is it something they picked up from the Genii planet?" John wondered as he watched Carson's hands call up his diagram on the computer. The infection pattern looked like a web, radiating outwards from a central point and increasing in complexity as it went.

"No," Mab's lips trembled for a moment as she spoke. "They were both exposed last night when they returned. Zelenka was exposed when he explained the extent of the damage the Wraith's new weaponry had done. Chuck was exposed this morning."

"You're ground zero," John discerned as Elizabeth's eyebrows tightened in thought.

"Patient zero," Simon corrected.

"Typhoid Mary is more accurate," Carson finished as he manipulated the computer. "I couldn't figure out how John remained uninfected, considering he had the most close contact with you..."

"...or why I was infected and Carson wasn't," Simon continued as he forced himself to stay sitting up. "We touched the same patients."

Elizabeth looked from the first doctor to the second and couldn't come up with an answer. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the idea that she was somehow spreading a potentially lethal virus all over the city without either of them wanting to quarantine her for the rest of her life.

"ATA," John snapped his fingers and Mab met his eyes. Something dark passed between them and Elizabeth felt John shift his feet even closer to her.

"In my haste to protect my planet from the Wraith threat I'm afraid I have temporarily activated the nearly dormant virus in your blood Doctor Weir," Mab apologized with remorse that surprised Elizabeth. The strange alien's face portrayed a very human level of guilt. "My presence here is no longer safe."

"You can't just abandon your people," Elizabeth surprised herself when she surpassed her better judgment. The queen was unstable, but she was also the one thing that had kept her people from the Wraith for thousands of years.

"If this gets worse--" Mab didn't bother to finish. Her black eyes locked with Elizabeth's and for a moment Elizabeth understood how intense thousands of years of loneliness could be. "If this virus mutates or spreads beyond control my people will be just as dead as if the Wraith had killed them."

"What about now?" John demanded as moved around her shoulder to put himself between Elizabeth and the queen. "What about the people sick now?"

"They should recover," Mab promised dryly as she started to fade from flesh to flame. Elizabeth could feel the now-familiar sensation of heat lancing through her body.

John saw something she missed and tapped Elizabeth's shoulder. "Look at that--"

The red and blue lines of rash visibly overtook Simon's face and neck before their gaze. His eyes rolled up in his head and he fell unconscious as the rash darkened every part of his exposed skin. Heat blasted around them like an explosion and Mab disappeared.

Carson rushed to Simon and started taking his vitals even before the fact that the architect of this disaster had vanished into whatever abyss held the ascended.

"Now what?" John muttered darkly pleased that the baffling queen had disappeared.

"What can we do?" Elizabeth asked more proactively as she crossed to Carson. She knew enough about equipment to know that the soft sounds of the monitoring equipment meant he was stable.

"The virus doesn't seem to be life threatening," Carson promised with an optimism that wasn't in his eyes. "If she's right, without Mab spurring it on it'll probably run its course and heal."

Elizabeth nodded her head slowly and tried not to jump when her child twitched inside of her belly. She'd been trying to make sense of the feeling for most of the morning, and now with the knot in her stomach for comparison Elizabeth was becoming certain she preferred the baby. It was undeniably better to feel that than feeling the entire population of the planet they'd turned to for refuge was know going to be looking to them for protection settle like a lump of ice in her stomach.


	27. footing the bill

_one hundred six days after Earth_

Carson hadn't been sleeping. He'd had a brush with insomnia in medical school that had lasted almost three days during his final examinations. Back then he'd felt like he couldn't sleep. He had so many things to do and finish before he could graduate and the stress had weighed on him so heavily that he couldn't shut down long enough to sleep.

Now he felt like he didn't need to. Days faded into each other as he only left the laboratory to periodically shower and eat. He lost track of time. He lost track of days and changed his uniform only when his spare was clean. Both of them were starting to wear out but his lab coats were holding up fairly well. It didn't matter really, Carson reminded himself. The entirety of the Atlantian refugees looked more ragged by the day. Mitchell and Lorne had been heading trading missions to increase their stores the last he'd heard but he was fairly certain he'd missed the last few briefings.

No one had bothered to contact him. He'd left the medical center in Simon's capable hands as soon as the other doctor he'd gotten over his bout with the plague. The strange illness had faded as oddly as it had come on. For a week he'd insisted that Elizabeth keep out of contact with anyone who did not already possess the gene he'd come to know as LK476, and the plague stopped.

The broken blood vessels healed and the fevers went down. Ronon was back to normal in less than twenty-four hours and his miraculous healing ability faded with his injuries. It was not still in his system and nor had it passed on the multifaceted LK476 gene. The first outbreak of the plague had been a failure. Mab's notes suggested that if she had truly found the answer to the Wraith problem, the gene would have taken hold far better than that.

Carson turned the protein of the virus over on the monitor and studied it as time flew away from him. It was simple, almost primitive even, and once it had passed the initial infectious stage it had been easily eradicated by the immune systems of everyone infected. There was nothing in the protein coat that suggested why Ronon and Laden had healed so quickly or how the tiniest contact with Elizabeth seemed to be enough to turn anyone into a carrier.

He tapped the display; the coat vanished and he started the computer unstringing the little coil of RNA inside. Deep inside the virus, a tiny sequence that could rewrite everything was lurking somewhere. He touched the display with his hand and removed the piece of RNA that was Elizabeth's. Pausing for a moment, he removed what he recognized as John's.

Carson was about to turn the strand and try to twist it into the separate nucleotides when he realized his hands hadn't moved. He'd touched the screen to move Elizabeth's RNA but John's RNA had moved with his hands firmly in his pockets. Maybe he was so tired he was hallucinating, but he didn't feel tired. He didn't feel like he hadn't sleep in days.

He felt like he could fly.

The RNA strand sat forgotten for a moment, but when he saw it out of his peripheral vision it finally hit him. In a rush of motion the strand broke, twisted and reshaped itself. Two more monomers and it would have been perfect.

Carson's hands were still in his pockets. He experimentally thought of moving the display to the left and the virus moved. He spliced a adenine on instead of the uracil and it changed. Backing slowly away from the display he felt the walls shifting. Instead of the stone being opaque, he swore for a moment he could see the figure moving toward him in the hallway as if the stone were glass.

Shaking the thought out of his head, he knew before she spoke that it was Elizabeth.

"Still at it?"

"I'm getting close," Carson insisted as he turned around to apologize for being so distant. "There's something here. Something important."

"What did you say?" Her eyebrows knotted suddenly in concentration and her smile faded immediately as her lips tightened.

"I think I can find something in her work," Carson continued as he took a step towards her. "There's something here."

"Wait," Elizabeth held up a hand for him to stop. She narrowed her eyes further and he could see her confusion in her eyes. "Speak slowly."

"Are you all right, Elizabeth?" Reaching out to her, Carson tried to guide her into his chair.

"You're speaking Ancient," she explained as she stared at him in shock.

"I don't know it, love," he replied with a soft smile as he tried to figure out what kind of joke she was trying to pull over his eyes. "Did John put you up to this?"

"Carson, I'm serious," she put her hand on her hip and continued to stare. "You're not speaking English. You have an accent I've never heard before and I can't make all of it out, but it is Ancient."

"Are you feeling all right?" He asked starting to be concerned. Putting a hand to her forehead, Carson felt her flinch back from his touch.

"Your fingers are burning up." She kept backing up and shook her head quickly as if it hurt her. "Do you understand me?"

"Perfectly," he snapped in confusion.

Elizabeth's hand stayed on her forehead but she managed to smile at him. "That makes one of us. Can you speak more slowly?"

"Isn't it impossible that I'd be able to speak Ancient?" he asked as slowly as he could and feeling rather foolish as he did.

"Impossible is a word we should learn to use less often in the Pegasus galaxy," Elizabeth mused softly as she rubbed at her temples. Her dark hair slipped around her fingers as she dealt with what appeared to be a vicious headache. "Everything I'm saying sounds normal to you?"

Carson nodded and sank into his chair with a sigh. He'd heard of being overtired, but this was ridiculous. He stared at the RNA strand and let her work it out. Languages were her forte after all.

"I'l come back," Elizabeth offered calmly. "Don't go anywhere."

He waved over his shoulder politely but the RNA was starting to speak to him and he didn't notice her go.

* * *

"So he's all gobbledy-gook?" John asked through a yawn as she nudged him off the bed.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were pregnant, sleepyhead." Elizabeth folded her arms over her chest and waited for John to drag himself up from his nap.

"Lorne and Ronon's re-con came in at oh-three-hundred," John complained gruffly as he tore his jacket from the hook on the wall. "What am I supposed to do? Wait until morning to brief them?"

"Get some sleep before three?" She suggested as she reached for his cheek. John's protesting stopped as he stared at her.

"You're beautiful when you want something from me." He started to trudge out the door into the chill air but she stopped him with a hand on his jacket. Pulling him close, she kissed him until protesting was the last thing on his mind. With the taste of her still on his lips, he sighed. "What was that for?"

"I'm sorry the baby kept you up all night."

John's hand tangled itself in her hair and he shrugged. "Healthy, active little guy- girl- you know--"

By the time she went to bed, Elizabeth was usually so tired she slept through all of the nighttime football John insisted their child played. Ironically, the slightest movement within her dragged him out of his sleep and he hadn't yet been able to get used to it. As a result, his hair was worse than usual and the water shortages that had kept him from shaving for the last couple days made him look in over a week but his eyes still lit up when she smiled at him.

"Shouldn't we be dragging him off to Simon or scanning his brain or something?" John yawned again and lazily dropped an arm on her shoulders.

"Simon's already over there," Elizabeth promised as she smiled nervously. "Would you settle for I'd like you to be there?"

He snuggled his head into her shoulder and pretended to fall asleep walking. "When did you get sentimental?"

"You see things differently than I do," Elizabeth reminded him softly. Bringing his hand over to the side of her belly, she laughed and waited for him to feel what she felt. Since she'd first begun to notice it, the baby had gotten stronger. Becoming less like the fluttering of her stomach and more like something actually living inside of her, the baby was her silence confidant.

John blushed faintly and his eyes took on that terrified wonder she found so endearing. "He or she was quiet until I got here," she teased him ruthlessly.

"You're saying I already bring out the worst in our child?" The last two words caught in John's mouth. He managed to smile like he was joking, but his eyes were still overly bright.

"One of us had too."

"Just don't let Rodney get ahold of him..." John paused and let her guide him as he stared at her belly. Even his t-shirt was starting to get tight around the widest point of her stomach. "...Or her?" he wondered as he squeezed her shoulders a little tighter. "Do you want to know?"

Elizabeth shook her head quickly and tightened her grip on his hand in response. "I'm sure Carson could tell us, but I--" she bit her lip and tried to decide what she wanted to say. "My mother thought I was a boy until the moment they handed me to her. She wanted to call me Edward and she had my life nearly planned in my head. She was so surprised she forgot to consider that I might be a girl that it completely changed the way she thought about me."

"No sailor suits?" John teased lightly watching her eyes start to tear up.

"Still wanted me to go to Harvard Law," Elizabeth shrugged and let go of his fingers to wipe her eyes. John's roughened fingers did it for her and she stopped them in the stone entrance to the inner city. "I want you to know something."

"Been trying for years."

Elizabeth closed her eyes against the stinging that heralded more tears but gave up as she stared at him. His carefully cheerful smile was overwhelmed by the nervousness in his eyes. "I couldn't handle this if I didn't know I had you here..."

"...You'd be fine," he interrupted immediately.

"No," Elizabeth argued as she put a finger over his lips. "I would have tried my best, but I'd be a wreck. Without my mother- without Atlantis- here, like this- I'd be--"

Taking her finger from his lips, John pressed his lips into the palm of her hand without saying anything.

When he leaned back against the wall, Elizabeth rested her head on the worn fabric of his uniform jacket. His hands met behind her back and he held her against him. His chest was harder than she remembered from the first time they'd hugged but that was so long ago that it seemed like a different world. It had taken him a moment to realize what was happening and her a moment just to keep the tears out of her eyes before she scared him more.

"You always seem to show up when I need saving," she murmured into his neck as John kissed the hairline above her forehead.

"I thought I was just lucky enough to see you when your shields are down," he whispered back.

His scraggly beard tickled her skin and Elizabeth kept her eyes closed until she could trust them. "Don't have a ZPM to keep them up all the time."

Sighing as he held on a little tighter, John's tone lightened. "Maybe you can convince Rodney to lend you one."

Chuckling slightly as she breathed him in before letting go, Elizabeth kept her fingers wrapped in the loose fabric of his jacket. "You miss him."

"Only because Zelenka is better at chess."

"Think they're all right?" she wondered as lightly as she could. The Artemis wasn't yet overdue, but they'd all thought the Asgard would find a way to get a message through the 'gate sooner rather than later.

"Probably too caught up fixing the city," John promised optimistically. "McKay's probably arguing with Carter and some pants-less, genius alien about how to repair a whole wing of Atlantis with bubblegum and a toothpick."

Elizabeth clung to him as long as she dared before they reached the medical lab. If John noticed that she let go and straightened her posture before going into the lab, he said nothing. She toyed with the idea that he understood why she had to be strong in front of the team. He was a leader, he had to understand that just because she wanted to cling to him for comfort, she wasn't free to do so.

Doctor Jackson grinned at her over Carson's shoulder as he scribbled in a crude notebook. "We found out we can actually use whatever this as a perfect English to Ancient program."

Carson rolled his eyes and sank his head into his hands muttering something Elizabeth translated as a rebuke of everyone for making light of the situation. "He's upset," she offered for John who settled into the lab by the doorway.

"I would be," John offered to Carson with a slight smile of understanding. "So you understand us perfectly?"

He began to respond enthusiastically but his face darkened when he read the confusion on John's face.

"He doesn't feel like anything is different," Daniel offered for anyone who didn't understand. "Simon's been running brain scans and, I'm not a medical doctor, but I can't help thinking it looks a lot like Jack's when he was..."

"...exposed to the Ancient Library," John finished as he put down a small piece of medical equipment and tried to stop fidgeting. "Is it possible Carson found one of those devices?"

"No, no" Daniel translated for Carson's immediate response. "He hasn't left the lab. Hasn't touched anything."

Elizabeth's lower back spasmed painfully and she tried to sink into a chair without letting it show in her face. Carson saw right through her and pushed past Daniel and Simon to touch her shoulder. As he berated her for not being more careful and asked several questions she didn't quite understand Elizabeth felt John move up behind her as well.

"She's fine," Daniel offered for John before Elizabeth even had a chance to reply to Carson. "Carson's asking her if she's taking care of herself."

"No," John answered quickly. "She's not sleeping enough, she's not being careful..."

Elizabeth turned to hush John but Carson's concern was so evident on his face that she stopped. "I think I'm allowed to be sore once in awhile without everyone worrying," she reminded them all as firmly as she dared. "Do you feel all right Carson?"

Carson nodded and insisted that everyone around him was insane.

Elizabeth started to translate but John just smiled. "I got it."

"Well, the computer's done processing the brain scan," Simon interrupted from the rear of the lab. He scratched his head and handed the results to Carson with an apologetic look. "It doesn't look like anything is seriously wrong; I just don't have the slightest idea what I'm looking at."

Carson tapped the top of the pad and drew Elizabeth's attention to the reading there. Even in his waking stake, excited and frustrated that he'd somehow become incapable of speaking anything but a language dead for eons, his bran waves were only functioning at twelve hertz.

"Normal brain waves should be around twenty-four. Even thirty for someone so excited," Simon explained when Elizabeth gave him a confused look. "This part of the reading makes it look like he's in a coma but nothing else would seem to indicate that."

"When a human ascends," Daniel began softly. "Their brain patterns start to change."

Elizabeth watched Carson's surprise play over his face. His protesting was immediate and she didn't have to translate to know what he was saying.

"We don't know much about ascension," Elizabeth reminded him as she rubbed the renewed ache in her back. "It could take a lifetime of work, or you could be able to stumble into it by just being yourself. We don't know." Her head started to throb and she started to wonder if there was a connection there as well. Rodney usually gave her headaches much faster than anyone else, and as far as she could remember being around Carson had never given her one.

Sighing and rubbing her forehead for a moment, Elizabeth looked up at Daniel. "Ever feel like we woke up on the wrong side of the Pegasus Galaxy?"

He smiled patiently and translated for Carson as he and Simon got into a deep debate over the nature of human brain waves and the mysterious condition of ascension. Elizabeth only half-listened as she rubbed the back of her head She had the kind of headache that lanced through her skull and altered her sense of perception. The lab was starting to smell strange. Her mind wanted to make the connection to rain and hot ashes but she couldn't consciously believe it was that.

She was missing the conversation. Elizabeth had forgotten it was even still going on when she realized Simon was staring at her. more accurately, Simon was staring through her as she turned around. The piece of equipment John had been playing earlier with was floating behind her head.

Carson shook his head in disbelief and Daniel whistled in surprise.

"You wanted it, didn't you?" John asked as he moved behind Carson. His hand on the doctor's shoulder calmed him slightly as he stared open-mouthed at the device. "Are you sure you didn't touch anything Ancienty?"

Vigorously shaking his head, Carson promised he hadn't done anything but lose himself in Mab's notes. The piece of equipment dropped to the counter and bounced towards the floor as he lost his concentration. Elizabeth couldn't stop staring at it. She'd read about telekinesis in ascended Ancients but she'd never seen it before.

Daniel scrolled through the computer and looked up in surprise. "And her personal logs," he exclaimed as he scrolled down curiously.

"Is it possible there's something in there?" Elizabeth wondered as she pushed herself out of her chair. Simon and John's hands both came out for her and she smiled softly. "Thank you." As she looked over Daniel's shoulder, her eyebrow went up in surprise. "Carson, these are in Ancient."

He sputtered that he couldn't read Ancient and when Daniel started to translate Simon and John waved him off.

"I think we got it," John assured him as he switched his attention to Elizabeth. His thumbs found their way to her lower back and made her eyes water as they ran along her spine. Sometimes she didn't realize how sore she was until someone touched her. "You okay?" he murmured softly enough that only she heard.

"Just sore," Elizabeth promised as she leaned into his hands. "Can you read our minds yet?" she asked Carson as he seemed to shrink into himself.

Shyly picking up the piece of equipment he'd dropped, he shrugged towards her. "Fere." Carson set the scanner aside and watched his friends worry about him. "Alubre vitreo solumnustra."

"We're just trying to take care of you," Elizabeth reminded him. "We've lost so much Carson. We need to keep you with us."

Carson smiled softly at her and she watched his good eye light up. She missed seeing both eyes. She missed Teyla's quiet counsel when she was lost. Elizabeth started slightly when part of her child intersected painfully with her ribs and realized how much she missed her body just being hers.

"Elizabeth, look at this," Daniel demanded and pulled her out of daydreams. He moved out of the way and John followed her. His hands almost made the pain in her back tolerable. She tried to focus on the ramblings of Mab's personal logs without losing herself in the continuous background noise of her body. John pushed too hard and she gasped.

"Sorry," she licked her lips and shook off Daniel's excitement. "What did you want me to see?"

"Esoreble noctum exiute nostallia et horius e fabian," he quoted as he pointed to it with his finger. "'Through the night and our past, we put ourselves aside and learn to see from within', classic pre-ascension dogma." He turned to Elizabeth, leaning on the computer with his chin in his hand thoughtfully. "Subliminal ascension? Plant the seed in someone's mind and wait as it takes over?"

"Correlectae uous lingea fosse elo malarium," Carson argued. Growing frustrated with his inability to communicate with anyone but Daniel and Elizabeth, he tapped something and all of a sudden John and Simon stopped dead as if they'd been struck.

It took Elizabeth and Daniel a moment to notice. Elizabeth felt John's hands fall away from her back and she turned around to thank him but he was just staring at Carson.

"What are you doing in my head?" John asked softly.

Carson's apology echoed in her mind as if he was speaking inside of her. Elizabeth shivered and felt her stomach contract involuntarily. Her shock and surprise must have reverberated back through the connection because Carson was immediately at her side.

It was definitely strange to have him promising her everything was fine in a language no one had spoken aloud for generations. She wasn't sure if the sudden pain lancing across her abdomen had something to do with Carson or not, but it hurt. John who caught her face in his hands. His eyes locked with hers and radiated as much calm as he could muster.

"You're okay," he promised her even though his hands were trembling.

"It's a muscle cramp," Simon explained from behind her and Elizabeth had never been more relieved to hear his voice. "It's perfectly normal."

John's hands went solid against her face and she let out her breath and leaned into John's chest. Carson and Daniel started to speak behind her. Daniel had fallen into Ancient as well and instead of protesting Carson was starting to understand. Elizabeth just wanted to take a moment and collect herself but Carson was already planning.

"You can't go after her," she interrupted him in English as she turned around. "You don't know where she went."

"Not to mention she's insane," John interjected as he tightened his grip on her shoulders. Elizabeth touched his hand, reminding him she was all right now. It surprised her how unsteady her voice sounded and she fought with her nerves to be more calm.

Carson promised he knew where to find her. If he was ascending, he paused and shook his head in disbelief, he had a right to know. If he could speak in their minds inadvertently what other problems could he cause? He was fervently opposed to putting anyone in danger.

John waited impatiently for Daniel to translate and kept shaking his head. "Haven't you learned not to follow crazy women to other planets?" he offered as Elizabeth felt his hands squirm nervously on her shoulders.

"He thinks he won't have a problem getting back," Daniel explained as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "I hate to bring this up, but he would like you to know that he might not survive this. Ascension's not a sure thing. If he's being pushed prematurely he might not be ready for what lies ahead."

Carson smiled at them all patiently and added that nothing Mab had tried to do so far made any sense. Perhaps if his mind was broader, he'd understand it.

"You need to take a radio, and keep in contact," Elizabeth insisted as she realized she wasn't going to be able to stop him. "I want you to check in often."

Carson reached for her cheek and his hand sent a strange shiver running through her body as he made contact. He whispered that he needed to do this.

* * *

"When I was eight, Pumpkin got hit by a car," Elizabeth started to explain as John slid her bra strap from her shoulder and kissed the empty skin. "Mum found her and brought her back but she only stuck around until dad wasn't looking and she managed to get out the back door."

John nuzzled his way up to her neck and held her hair to the side so he could attacked the knots of muscle there. "Dogs are like that," he murmured as he watched her face in the weak reflection of their crude mirror on the wall. "Can't let you watch them die."

"Do you think he'll make it?" Elizabeth wondered as she reached up for his hands and found his chin instead. John kissed her fingers and realized why she was thinking about her dog.

"Out of all of us, Carson's the closest to sainthood," he drawled as he traced her spine down towards the middle of her back. "I doubt he's the type to crawl under the porch and die either." Her skin glowed in the candlelight and he slipped off the other bra strap. The skin beneath it was pink and strained and he wondered if he'd have to try and trade for a bigger bra. Not that he had any idea who to trade with.

She shivered as he stripped her of the bra but Elizabeth smiled when he wrapped his arms around her naked chest. "He'll be okay. He's the one who wanted to save the Wraith, remember?"

Turning around to kiss him, Elizabeth rested her forehead on his cheek. "That was years ago wasn't it?"

"Well, it was before this..." John teased as he ran a hand over the skin of her belly. "Everything before this seems like years ago."

"You're not even the one who gets to throw up!" Elizabeth shot back softly as she lowered her head to watch his hands. He slipped them around and started unrolling the waist of her pants.

"When did these stop fitting?" he asked as he hugged her belly with his fingers.

"Last week?" Elizabeth wondered with him as she started to chuckle. "They stay on if I roll them over a couple times."

"You know, you're going to be after my pants now," John complained as he slid around her on the bed to stand up in front of her and study the problem.

Elizabeth's dark hair had only gotten longer, but he liked the way it almost fell to her breasts now. She leaned back on her arms and watched his face with a contented smile. He liked seeing her that way. When she finally relaxed and just let herself be she was more beautiful than anyone he'd ever seen.

"No more muscle cramps?" he asked as he ran lazy hands over her belly and waited for the baby to react.

Elizabeth shook her head and bit back a yawn. "Simon said to stop worrying," she reminded him. Her smile faded just enough to show him that she hadn't completely. Contractions weren't unheard of in the sixth month, everyone kept reminding him. Carson had even told him everything was going to be fine before going through the gate.

John put the thought that he'd never see Carson again out of his head and kissed the skin of Elizabeth's belly. "Is it going to be strange? Having to see him?"

"I'll see Doctor Keller," she replied quickly as she ran a hand through his hair. "She's very sweet."

"She's no Carson," John muttered as he watched Elizabeth's skin stretch as the baby moved beneath it. He still wasn't sure if he really saw it, or if his eyes made it up to make him feel more like it was real.

"He'll be back," Elizabeth's fingers dug into his neck and prickles ran down his spine.

Resting his head between her swollen breasts for a moment, he kissed one and moved his way nonchalantly up to her chin. "Weird day," he offered as he nibbled up to her mouth.

Laughing as she turned aside, Elizabeth sighed. "Don't ask me a question and then try to kiss me," she retorted as she caught his chin in her hand.

"It was a comment," John replied as he kissed her palm. "I can kiss other parts of you while you talk." Leaning over her, he left a trail on her chest as he kept his promise.

"Do you really want to?" she asked turning her face down to catch his eyes. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

Sighing in mock frustration, John tore his shirt up over his head and started taking off his pants. "You're gorgeous," he started with a sigh. "I'm a guy. I'm a guy who's in love with you. You're nearly naked in my bed and I've never seen your breasts look quite this..."

"..big?"

"Tasty," John corrected as he pretended to take a bite. "Why do you even ask? I always want you."

Blushing faintly as she scooted back on the bed, Elizabeth started to slip beneath the blankets and John felt her legs brush against his as he crawled in with her. "I think I like that about you."

"I aim to please," John whispered as he pulled her over him. "I want to watch."

She narrowed her eyes for a moment in mock annoyance, but Elizabeth allowed him to position himself beneath her. John's nearly immediate arousal surprised them both and he saw a wicked smile start to curl her lips. "I suppose we should do this more often."

John moaned slightly before he managed to choke out his words. "You look amazing," he explained even though she wouldn't believe him entirely. It was hard to make it make sense to her. Her breasts had gotten big enough that he could hold one with two hands and she would never understand how gleeful that made him.

Maybe it was just the fact that enough free time to have sex was so hard to scrounge up that his body knew better immediately than to waste any time. He felt himself going rigid against her thigh and pulled her lips down to meet his. Somehow, Elizabeth could always kiss as if she'd been planning the motion in her head for the last hour. Her tongue did things to the inside of his mouth that made his head spin and he couldn't get enough.

He squished her breasts together and laughed at the face she made at the foreign line of cleavage he'd created. Elizabeth's belly pressed against his stomach and John reminded himself again that the baby wouldn't know. Elizabeth was wet as she rubbed herself along his thigh and John groaned and tried not too get too far into the fantasy of being inside of her.

Elizabeth teased him with her dry hand before pulling herself up to her knees to let him in. Her eyes widened immediately and he nearly lost his control when the moan burned out of her throat. She was in charge and she moved agonizingly slowly as she started to get the feel of him. John wasn't entirely sure what was different, he couldn't pay attention whenever any of the doctor's tried to explain it to him, but she felt softer.

All of her was rounded, from her hips to her newly full breasts. John dug his fingertips into her lower back and eased her a little higher up. Elizabeth dropped down to his chest and playfully bit into the skin just beneath his collarbone. John gasped and thrust deeper, drawing a groan of excitement in return. Her eyes rolled before focusing on him and he wondered when they'd both lost their stamina. She was wet and tight like hot silk around him and he could feel the cool touch of her nipples against his chest.

Grabbing a handful of the flesh of her butt, John felt her twist her hips and biting his lip suddenly wasn't enough. "Elizabeth," he growled her name like it was an expletive and she started to shake against his chest. Orgasm shuddered through her like a chain reaction and he watched her eyebrows tighten in concentration before she let go.

Elizabeth moaned again and kissed him hard enough to crush his sounds back into his throat. He made himself take his time and hold off until she was ready. Instead, she was the one who started to move faster. Elizabeth tilted her hips coyly and started to press against him. John's head started to spin and he tangled his hands in her hair as she sat up and began to rock. Letting go of her head, he ran his hands adoringly down her body before digging them into her hips.

Elizabeth twisted herself up and slammed back down. Dragging a staggered grunt from his throat as she teased him, John clung to her chest as he released within her. When they collapsed, her head stayed on his shoulder. Her belly was a warm weight on his stomach, and he covered her breast with his left arm.

"Now it's an exceptional day," John teased as he coughed his voice back into his throat. Elizabeth's lips left a mark in the sweat of his neck and he hugged her closer.

"You always look so happy," she murmured into his skin. "So enthralled, like you're flying through something strange and beautiful."

"This eyebrow," he rubbed his finger down her right and grinned. "This one narrows right before you start to go."

"I'll remember that," Elizabeth teased and wrapped herself closer. "I'll have to try and fool you. Move the other one first or hold them still--"

"You wouldn't--"

* * *

"What do you mean you can't fix it?" Jack groaned and stared down at Thor. "You guys can fix anything!" He looked from Thor to Carter and then back at Thor. "You're the Asgard."

"It is not our technology," Thor explained sadly. "Yes, we were allies, but we shared only the knowledge of our respective technologies. Among my people, the Altarrens were thought of as somewhat eccentric."

"What's the problem?" Rodney demanded as he pushed his way past Jack and Sam. "It's advanced technology, you're quite possibly the most advanced race left in these galaxies--" he trailed off as he saw no pity in the alien face. "You have to help us. We've traveled for three weeks. We have everything that's left of our entire planet living in tents and barns and a god-forsaken planet waiting for us. If this is some high-and-mighty-we're-better-than-you-because-we're-not-human bullshit..."

"...we are no better than you," Thor replied sadly as he sank further into his chair. "In fact, when history judges us I fear the Asgard will come out looking the fools."

"Hey," Jack stopped Thor from continuing gently. "Don't be so hard on yourselves, you're good guys."

"We're dying," Thor corrected as he activated a control on the arm of his chair. "Eighty percent of our population has already fallen victim to complete nucleic collapse. They can no longer replicate their DNA and die terribly once their cells can no longer be replaced."

"How is that possible?" Sam demanded in shock as Rodney just opened and closed his mouth.

"Eons of cloning," Thor offered as the simplest explanation. He coughed and Sam and Jack looked at each other as he wiped black blood from his lips. "I'm afraid no amount of technology can replace the simplicity of sexual reproduction. Perhaps if we had realized it sooner--"

Rodney watched as Jack took Sam's hand and held it tightly in his.

"What can we do?" Jack asked as he took a step closer to the dying Asgard. "Is there anything you guys need?"

Thor shook his head slowly and Rodney wondered if the twitching of his eyes was as close as the alien got to a smile. "I will see that a copy of our entire database makes it onboard your vessel."

"Will it tell us how to fix Atlantis?" Rodney demanded as he felt Sam's eyes burn through him. "I know it sounds terrible, but we're down to our last resort and if you can't help us--"

"Lantian technology has a genetic component," Thor explained patiently as Rodney realized he hadn't seen the Asgard move anything besides his right hand. "The more copies of the gene are present, the more the city will respond." Thor's eyelids crawled over his black eyes and he realized even that motion was terribly painful.

"As our allies, we always admired the Lantian, and later the human, capacity to return for the brink of destruction with ingenuity and courage," Thor's voice cracked in a way Rodney had never heard.

"Hey, you okay?" Jack asked as he reached for Thor's hand instead of Sam's.

"Much energy had to be expanded in order for me to reach you while I was still alive," Thor explained dully reaching across to pat Jack's wrist. "You have been a good friend and ally, Jack O'Neill. And you, Samantha Carter..."

"..actually," Sam interrupted with a tiny smile. "Jack and I got married."

Thor blinked and looked from one to the other. "That is good news Samantha O'Neill."

"Nice," Jack murmured as he knelt beside Thor's great chair. "It's nice isn't it dear?"

"Perhaps that is why you will succeed when all others have failed," Thor struggled to turn his head to Jack. "Humanity has nothing but luck and determination to drive it. Perhaps with your inability to give up such trivialities as love, you will be successful where we and the Lantians have failed."

"Don't create an unstoppable force bent on our destruction?" Rodney suggested under his breath. He didn't intend anyone to hear him but Sam choked back what sounded like a laugh.

Thor's head lolled slightly to the right and Rodney wondered if it was even a voluntary motion. "I have very little time," the alien explained with endless patience of a nearly immortal being realizing the end was finally catching up with him. "I am glad I will be spending it with you, O'Neill and O'Neill."

Rodney couldn't help smirking when Jack grinned proudly and Sam looked like she'd been grossly insulted.

"What can you tell us?" Sam asked as she headed for Thor's main computer interface. "How many copies of the gene will we need?"

"It is unfortunately not that simple," Thor's head settled on his left side and Jack moved to keep up eye contact with the alien. "You will be able to repair Atlantis. You just need to look at it in a different way, Samantha O'Neill. Alterran technology is not what it seems to be. I wish I could give you more of a gift."

In a last display of strength, Thor pulled himself out of his chair and walked shakily to Sam's side at the computer. "The DanielJackson's computer core will give you the collected knowledge of all of my people." His tiny hand rested on hers for a moment as he reached for the crystal to transport them away. "You will be successful, Samantha O'Neill."

All of Rodney's protests vanished with the deck of the DanielJackson as he re-materialized along with Jack and Sam on the bridge of the Artemis. Sam's eyes were tearing up and Jack had the same quiet look John got when he lost a marine.

"Ever feel like we showed up at the end of the party and were too young to understand what everyone was celebrating?" Jack asked no one in particular as the DanielJackson became a white ball of light on the viewscreen.

"More like we got stuck with the tab," Rodney muttered as he turned to one of Sam's technicians. "A new computer core was beamed over with us."

The tech, Rodney couldn't remember his name, danced her fingers across her computer. "It's in the cargo bay, doctor."

Rodney rubbed his hands together and took one last look over his shoulder at the fading light that had been the Asgard flagship. Sam was stiffly facing the screen and Jack had his hands in his pockets as he stood behind her. He spent a moment wondering if Jack would be able to get her through. Sam had never given up on anything and it was one of the things he found most intriguing about her.

There were moments when Rodney knew he wouldn't have been able to help her if he had been her husband. He wasn't ready for the quiet grief that Sam couldn't let go of. He watched as Jack took her arm and then hugged her to his chest.

For a moment in the transporter, Rodney felt a pang of jealousy because no woman let him hold her like that. He shook his head and let his mind win over his emotions. He had a new computer core to examine.


	28. old ways

_one hundred eighteen days after Earth_

"I think you should go back," Sam suggested as she lifted her head from her hands. "Rodney and I will keep going. We'll drag the city out of the nebula and get it to a place where you can dial in from Ceol."

"And do what?" Rodney interrupted petulantly looking up from the Asgard computer core. "We don't have any idea how to fix the city. We're almost worse off because now we have some mumbo-jumbo from a suicidal alien that promises we'll figure it out."

"There has to be something we're missing," Sam mused. Jack tousled her hair as she stared at her computer screen and drew a glare that softened into an exhausted smile. "Rodney and I can figure it out, but I need you to go back and prepare everyone. If Thor's correct and I need people with the gene, you need to find them."

"So you and McKay get to do the geek stuff and I'll just round up villagers?"

Sam's expression turned apologetic. "We haven't been able to radio them..."

"...not my fault," Rodney interrupted quickly shaking his head to absolve himself. "So not my fault. You were the one who tried to link two transgalactic Stargates together in order to make a long distance phone call and completely blew out our communications system with the feedback."

"We need Coel to know what's going on," Sam's head dropped again and she sighed heavily. "If Thor's right..."

"...little guy usually was," Jack finished softly reaching for her shoulder and squeezing it. "

"We'll need more than McKay and I to fix the city. Daniel, Doctor Weir-" something dark flashed through her blue eyes but Jack pretended not to see it. "They both might be able to find something we can't. Some eccentricity of the Ancients we're missing. Something that will let us repair Atlantis." Frustration echoed through her being, radiating out from her shoulders and tightening her back.

"Elizabeth-" Rodney missed the involuntary tremor that ran through Sam's hands. "And Doctor Jackson are probably the two biggest experts on the Ancients. Besides, the crazy woman who lives there is an Ancient. She's not all there, but if she remembers how to play genetics with Carson, she might remember how to fix Atlantis."

"Jack," Sam started as she turned around. Her hand ran up his arm and he caught it when she reached his shoulder. "Do this for me. Find what I can't find, help me make this right because we're all so lost. If Atlantis is going to be what brings us together- what makes us whole again- help me save it."

Rodney would have given anything to melt into the computer console in front of them and leave them to their moment. He stared down, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. He could hear it when General O'Neill started to kiss her. She exhaled and fell into it. Clothing rustled and when Rodney stole a glance upward her arms were around his neck.

Holding up his portable computer up in front of his face, Rodney left through the nearly silent door out of the cargo bay and wondered if they heard him. He hoped not as he retreated towards the control center. Doctor Keller was sitting in the command seat in the center, taking her turn as the lighthouse keeper.

She jumped when he entered, but he'd never seen her not startle when anyone came into a room. It hadn't gotten better, either, in the weeks they'd been traveling.

"Rodney, sorry, I..."

"It's all right," Rodney offered as he headed for his favorite place at the science station. "I could have knocked."

"Are we okay?" Keller asked as he started to check the readings. "We're still going the right way? The Wraith aren't after us?"

"More the replicators in this galaxy," Rodney corrected without looking up. "But yes, everything's fine, the general and Colonel Carter are deciding how to send him back to the planet."

"Do you really think that's the best idea?" Keller asked as she tried not to touch anything near him that might set off an alarm of some kind.

"You can sit there," Rodney suggested as he pointed to one of the chairs nearby. "They move."

She smiled slightly and pulled it over to him. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to decode the Asgard hyperdrive technology, see if they know anything that might help us make what we have here more efficient." Rodney looked up and met her eyes just long enough to be polite and prove he wasn't ignoring her. "However, Ancient hyperdrive technology seems to be the best there is."

"Don't you hate it when you have the best?" Keller joked brightly and Rodney peered up at her in surprise.

"I usually do," he agreed with a quick nod.

"My brother's a geek," she explained as she rested her elbows on the edge of the controls. "Whenever he has the best of something he's bored with it."

"Transgalactic hyperdrive is the second fastest way to travel I know of, well, third maybe but that's debatable," he stared past her through the door down towards the cargo bay and wondered what it felt like to kiss Sam Carter. "Anyway," he pulled himself back and sighed. "Nineteen days back isn't too bad, right?"

"As long as we don't run out of MREs I'm good," Keller replied easily peering over his shoulder. "Don't feel like I'm doing much good though."

"You're a doctor," he argued as he logged into the Asgard database. One thing he did have to give them credit for was their neatly organized database. There were no pretentious holographic interfaces, no insane remnants from a time long past, and instead, logical lists of data. Calling up their weapons technology, Rodney started at the beginning and began to read.

"Want some freeze-dried nearly dreadful coffee?" Keller asked as she left her chair. "Maybe what passes for a turkey sandwich too?"

Rodney nodded without looking up and then turned. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

"I'll be back."

He watched her go for a moment and regretted he haven't talked to her more often on the long trip over. "Hey," Rodney called suddenly. "Thanks."

* * *

Carson sighed and set down the rations John had make him take. He didn't need the food. His body was pulsing with a new energy that required no fuel. Running the distance to the old city, he stopped when he realized his feet weren't moving. He thought he was running but maybe he was going about it wrong.

Closing his eyes, Carson thought about the old city. He pictured himself running to the gates and the gate opening before him. He walked inside the old city in his mind.

When he opened his eyes, the gates of the old city were creaking open before him. The heavy wood was so old it looked like stone as it allowed him in. How long had this city sat unoccupied? The plants were gone, and there was no wind left to stir the dust that lay in the street.

He knew the way through. Carson could see the medical lab in his mind, but he liked the feel of his feet in the dust beneath him. He didn't breathe because the air would have been stale. This city, the old city, was so tired it didn't even feel him coming. None of the technology welcomed him home, but he could feel it start to stir as he got closer to the central tower.

Six arms circled a central tower of stone and metal. Six arms full of laboratories and storage centers, weapons lockers and barracks. This city was once home to thousands and children had run through these streets. When he reached the doorway and waved his hand over the crystals, pale blue light flashed within them. The transporter had barely enough power to carry him, but it was a formality anyway.

He walked inside and closed his eyes. The transporter was too old to move him, but Carson no longer needed such primitive methods of motion. When he opened his eyes, he was home. The lab in the old city was so familiar that he could have been on Atlantis. The tissue-thin dust cloths still covered the consoles inside but he removed them with a thought.

The computers were still running patiently. Carson could feel the power coursing behind the walls. It was weak and tired, like the last few beats of a dying heart, but it would work for him. Everything would work for him.

Imprimis, the first of all cities, welcomed him home as best it could. The worn keys on the computer in front of him reminded him of the skin of his grandmother's hands when she hugged him to her chest. He didn't need to type. He didn't need to activate the computer. Carson felt the threads of power running through from what was left of the ZPMs to the extremities of the city. He brought them to his computer and felt his way in.

* * *

"You gonna be okay?" Jack asked as he held onto the back of her neck.

Sam lowered her head back to his shoulder but nodded slightly. "I'm okay," she murmured faintly as she pulled back and smiled. "I've been okay with you gone before."

"Maybe I won't be okay," he teased and slid his hand down around her neck to rest on her stomach. "This has been hard for both of us."

"Jack-" Sam caught his hand and tried to pull it away, but he held it steady.

"It's a going to happen, someday," Jack promised as he kissed her forehead. "You and me, we're just not quick at anything."

She was crying or laughing as she buried her head in his chest; Jack loved her more for trying. "Maybe we just need to fix the damn city and get settled, be in a better place and all that." Kissing her hair, he sighed away his own desire to cry. "I'll go back and get the kids ready to move back home. Tell John and Elizabeth their little camp out is done and it's time to get back to work."

"Jack," she started and stopped before she relaxed. "I can tap our ZPM long enough to let you dial Pegasus, but you'll have to be quick about it."

"I'll jog if I have too," he promised sardonically as he lifted his bag of possessions from their bed. Jack held the bag for a moment and then looked back at her. "Sure I can't convince you to crawl in here?"

Sam shook her head but her eyes were starting to smile.

"Just making sure," Jack answered his own question and slipped the bag over his shoulder. "What are you going to do with McKay?"

"Leave him and the Asgard database alone and hope they get along?" Sam ventured taking his hand as they walked towards the transporter Thor had been thoughtful enough to send over with the computer core. "We'll be all right. It's a good ship and I'm just starting to make her a friend."

Squeezing her fingers tighter, Jack grinned and pointed at the corridor in front of them. "I've always liked the 'getting to know you phase' of a relationship. Lets you ask all the right questions and learn to fall for your answers."

"I'll be able to fly circles around Teal'c when we see him again," Sam promised as she walked him over to the console. Grabbing him to kiss him, she made him grunt in surprise when her tongue broke into his mouth and made him forget his age.

Kissing her back like a teenager, Jack pinched her butt before releasing her. "See you in a couple weeks."

He saw her smile and wave her right hand before she activated the controls and sent him away in a flash of light. She'd be all right or at the very least hold it together until she was ready to deal with it. The clean air of the ship faded from his nose and when the light of the transporter went out he was standing on a rocky platform in the middle of nowhere.

It was an outpost. A transfer point between galaxies that had once been part of the Asgard-Lantian alliance. It had once been powered by an Asgard generator, but all Asgard technology had been destroyed in their final purge. All that was left of the once great race was in the cargo bay of the Artemis.

He picked up a rock and tossed it off into the distance. It bounced twice before disappearing into the mist. Jack sighed and waited for the Artemis to power the 'gate in front of him as he picked up another rock. Turning it over in his hands, he got ready to throw it when the beam of blue light poured through the clouds and illuminated the 'gate.

Hurrying over to the DHD, Jack wondered if he was really ready to chase a child. His legs were stiff and it took more effort than he liked to clamber up to the device. He was going to have to start jogging again, Jack decided as he started the eight symbol address.

He'd gotten lazy on the Artemis. Chasing after Sam when she fled his attempts coax her into talking was the most exercise he got on board. He was the general now. He didn't need to go off-world when he had youngsters like Sheppard and Mitchell to go through for him.

Jack was still musing about the last time he'd actually had to go on a mission off-world when the 'gate sucked him up and spat him out in the snow. The cold of the space between worlds faded into an even greater cold. Blowing snow assaulted his face and he sputtered as he lifted his hand to shield his eyes.

"Didn't think we had a Stargate in Minnesota," he muttered as he glanced around at the gun barrels leveled at him. "Or this many P-90s."

"Identify yourself," Someone called out from behind a scarf and a gun.

"General Jack O'Neill," he responded as he wrapped his arms tightly around his thin jacket. "Highest ranking sonofabitch left in three galaxies."

"Good enough," a voice he knew as Mitchell's decided and the weapons went down. "Come on, get inside before you're our newest welcome statue."

Stamping the snow from his clothes and rubbing his hands together for warmth, Jack started to feel the stinging sensation of blood coming back into his cheeks. "Next time we hide somewhere," he began to complain, "I pick the planet and it's going to be a tropical planet."

"Welcome home General," a softer voice wished him as someone brushed snow off his shoulder behind him. "I am sorry we couldn't have better weather for you."

"You should be," he removed his jacket and shook it out. "Though I guess you didn't have a way to warn me."

"You haven't called in awhile," Elizabeth teased as she held up a cup of hot tea and waited for him to turn around and take it. "We've been worried."

"You know how it is," Jack sighed turning towards her as he tossed his jacket over a chair and watched his welcoming committee taking off their winter clothes. He recognized Major Lorne and the very tall man with wild hair who was known as Ronon. Sheppard was circling him to get closer to Elizabeth, removing his hat and coat as he went. "Get busy, hang out a little too late with some friends, and the time change is insane between galaxies."

He took the tea gratefully and wrapped his hands around the warm wood as he started to smile. "Elizabeth--" he began without being able to finish. His eyes flew over her body as his mouth shut abruptly. "This is new." He gestured towards the prominent swell of her belly and shrugged in surprise before he started to smile. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay," she promised shyly staring back at him as she tried not to blush.

Jack lifted an elbow towards her belly and shook his head. "You look great," he murmured as he looked her over again. "I didn't think I was gone that long. And you gentlemen, run out of razors while I've been gone?"

Major Lorne smirked and rubbed the beard on his chin. "Nearly that, sir," he explained lightly. "Water needs to be rationed ever since our wells started to freeze over."

"Seems like Mitchell and Sheppard found the time-" Jack teased and tried not to show just how thrilled he was to see his family.

"They had to," Ronon answered simply tucking his gun into the holster on his leg as he shook snow out of his long dreads. Jack marveled at the way the Pegasus native seemed to be unchanged. A month wasn't that long, but everyone, even Elizabeth, looked thinner. Their faces were tighter and slightly pinched around the eyes. Maybe he'd been too protected on the Artemis, but everyone on his- Sam's- crew didn't look like this.

Sheppard ran a hand through his unruly hair and tried to silence Lorne with a look. Jack's eyes followed the look and landed on Mitchell, who's face was purposely vacant. Deciding to pass up the obvious chance to make fun of John, he attacked the man who had taken his place as leader of SG-1.

"So," Jack cracked his fingers lazily. "I can guess why John's been keeping up with his shaving...but you Mitchell?"

Cameron rolled his head on his neck and finally smiled. "I'm getting hitched, sir," he answered shamelessly. "Seems there's something else in the water here, General, that causes a bit more excitement than shaving."

"I'm afraid I'm fresh out of shotguns," Jack began sardonically watching Elizabeth's hand move over her belly. He could tell from the faraway look in her eyes that the baby was moving inside of her.

"Is he insinuating what I think he's trying to be clever about?" Jack asked as he watched fascinated as Elizabeth bit her lip in concentration. She stopped with her hand on her left side, just above her navel.

Suppressing the tears in his eyes, Jack had just enough time to smile before he felt himself get grabbed from behind. Losing Elizabeth, he bear-hugged Daniel in return. "It's good to see you too," he patted Daniel's back and grinned. "Been up to no good?"

"You could say that," Cameron teased and Daniel started to blush.

"All right!" Jack demanded as he looked from wicked grin to wicked grin on the faces of his family. "What have you done now? Both of you! Out with it!"

Ronon and Lorne shared a look and the Satedan's white teeth flashed. Cameron and Daniel looked sheepish and neither of them managed to speak.

"How about dinner?" John interrupted the three-way staring contest and cut through the tension in the room. "We were just getting ready to head down there when the 'gate started to activate."

Jack watched as John's hand slid beneath Elizabeth's for a moment and her lips curled into a smile. So some things were good here. There was a hole just above the waist in Cameron's t-shirt and it was nearly big enough to put a gun barrel through. Lorne's BDUs were worn to the point that his pants were grey instead of black but there wasn't a planet to call for resupplying.

"How were the Asgard?" Elizabeth wondered as she fell in between John and Jack in the narrow tunnel of canvas beneath the snow.

"Busy," Jack muttered as he ducked a low point in the ceiling. "They've been busy little guys."

"Any luck with Atlantis?" John asked and Jack felt the insecurity in his voice. "Can the Asgard help us?"

"They gave us what they could," Jack answered as he felt the disappointed look on Elizabeth's face cut into him. "Maybe we should all eat first."

* * *

"How did you find me?" Mab asked without turning around. "It shouldn't have been easy. I've had years of practice covering my tracks. Burying myself in the deepest, darkest holes I could find so no one would see me. Not my daughter, not my people--" She lifted her frail human body from her chair and smiled as she turned. "You're not who I thought."

Teyla smelled her fear in the air and tilted her head to take it in better. "You expected Carson," she murmured as she took a step further into the cavern. Damp stone squeaked beneath her feet as she advanced slowly, grinning with terrible teeth. "You thought he'd find you."

"Hoped," Mab corrected calmly, Teyla was no threat to her. "What do you want, creature?"

"The answers to all of your petty little questions," Teyla replied in a growl. She extended her mental abilities, feeling out other queen's strengths. The mind in front of her was roiling like a great ocean. Mab didn't really understand the weakness she had; how easy it would be for Teyla to slip her way into inside and take over.

"They are not your answers, creature," Mab spat and Teyla smelled the sweetness of fear give way to something more dangerous. Burns were the one thing they couldn't regenerate easily and perhaps that was why the smell of ash still made her wince. She didn't have much time.

Mab knew the attack was coming. Teyla could see it in her eyes. The whole fight could have been over within that space between them. One winning, one walking away and the other joining the dust and the dampness on the floor of the cave. Impossibly black eyes stared down a mirror image full of hate and betrayal.

Teyla lifted her arm and it froze in midair, as if the air itself had become stone around her. She couldn't move. Sweat beaded up on Mab's forehead. It boiled, evaporating as her hair started to burst into flame.

Teyla was losing. She couldn't fight the fire. She couldn't break Mab's hold on her arm. She wasn't quite strong enough. She was going to die, burning into a crisp and falling to ash at Mab's feet.

Then the fire was out, snuffed; gone into smoke around her and Mab fell to her knees.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't try this?" Michael reprimanded her as he dropped the glowing blue and steel disc to the floor of the cave. "Like it?" he purred superiorly as he nudged it with his foot. "Found it in the ruins of a little place on Earth. Originally it was used to suppress the mental abilities of the Ori priors but a little bit of a modification and--" He started to smile as the smell of smoke faded from the room. "She's all yours."

Teyla reached down and caught the fabric of Mab's simple black dress. Using that to drag her to her feet, she stared her down just long enough to see surprise flash through her victim's eyes. Tearing the fabric open, Teyla lovingly caressed her way down the bare skin of Mab's neck and wondered what it would feel like to feed on an Ancient.

In the part of her mind that had been Teyla Emmagen, she wept for the Ancestor she was about to kill. The Wraith Queen within her shivered with anticipation of what was to come. Resting her hand between the breasts on Mab's naked chest, Teyla leaned down and kissed her forehead with cold lips.

"In a moment, we will understand," Teyla whispered as she felt the blood begin to flow hot against her palm. "We will understand together."

SCENE

Jack watched as the plates disappeared from the long wooden table. John kissed Elizabeth's forehead and blushed when she made him kiss her again. "I'll see you after my briefing?"

"Stay warm," she warned and watched him leave with Lorne and Ronon.

Jack leaned forward onto his elbows and stared down at his mug. "Keeping everything together?"

"Best we can," Elizabeth shrugged and picked at the piece of bread she had left of dinner. "John's been coordinating the search teams. Major Lorne and Colonel Mitchell have been trying to find supplies, trade partners; anything that can help us."

"Any luck?"Jack wondered as he swirled his mug of what passed for beer on Ceol.

"Sometimes we bring home more refugees," Elizabeth replied darkly tearing a piece of crust off her bread. "The galaxy's not exactly a safe place. I doubt life in the Pegasus galaxy has ever been easy, even before we awakened the Wraith. We've heard only scattered stories of new queens who leave nothing behind."

Jack finished his beer and stood to reach one of the pitchers further down the table. "I thought the Wraith had a bit of trouble with the Pegasus replicators."

She nodded and smiled wistfully at his beer. "Last we heard from Teal'c, he thought there were forty hive ships remaining."

"Forty," he repeated thoughtfully. "Sounds easy enough. That makes it ten to one. Not bad for humans really." Jack grinned at his beer mouthed his apologies before staring down at her belly. "You got big," he offered simply as her blush made her smile.

"It's been the strangest experience of my life," Elizabeth admitted as she stared down at her own changed body. "Being possessed by a violent alien, and meeting my ten-thousand-year-old-self are paling in comparison."

"From what I've heard, the violent alien still had quite a thing for John," Jack teased as he studied her smile. "Move around on you a lot?"

Elizabeth nodded as she let him help her to her feet. Making a face as she awkwardly dragged her legs over the bench, she caught him biting back a laugh. "John usually finds it pretty funny when I get out of bed."

"I do seem to remember you being more graceful," Jack admitted as he let go only to immediately take her hand again when he questioned her balance on the rough stone floor. "How many do we have now?" he wondered as they passed the nearly continuous line for food.

"Counting the villagers, and the refugees from other planets, just over two thousand," Elizabeth explained as she smiled her way down the line and through the crowd in the corridor. Jack watched as everyone acknowledged her, children and adults. Someone in uniform, Corporal Villard, saluted him and then he was recognized. Jack nodded behind Elizabeth, starting to understand what she must go through every day. Her presence was all the reinforcements anyone on this planet had.

"How long has the queen been gone?" Jack asked when the people around them thinned on the way back to control.

"Just over two weeks, but I don't think the Wraith have realized she's gone," Elizabeth sighed and he caught regret in her eyes. "We lost Carson two days ago. She left something behind in her notes, he started to ascend..."

"...ascensions a crock sometimes isn't it?"

"He was looking for answers," Elizabeth explained as she pointed Jack through the canvas tunnel back to control. "Queen Mab denied herself ascension for thousands of years because she was trying to find something. Something so important she was willing to give up her life and her sanity to search for it. I think it's what Carson's looking for now."

"See, that's what I just can't stand about the damn Ancients," Jack complained as he settled on the edge of her desk. "Left every galaxy they touched a mess and disappeared leaving us to pick up the pieces and take care of their mistakes."

"What mistakes would we have made in their place?" Elizabeth asked him as she took his hand. Jack hesitated, but she placed his hand anyway. Beneath her flesh and his fingers the baby stirred, like his son once had; Charlie had lived and died a lifetime ago. "What kind of world were we leaving on Earth? In our world the greatest discovery of our time had to be kept so secret we couldn't even use it to save our people." Her fingers were tight on his hand and Jack recognized the stubborn lines on her forehead.

"We're going to make a better world than that, Jack," Elizabeth promised with iron sincerity. Jack felt his eyes sting and he realized she saw through to his pain.

"Sam and I, we tried, she lost-"

Elizabeth's cool fingers touched his cheek. When he was defeated by angry tears that he'd held back, her lips were warm and her arms were comforting. "I am so sorry." Her hair smelled like wood smoke and her arms were tight around his back. There was no justice in it; no peace for either of them in the sea of grief around them.

"You'll try again," she murmured with her head on his chest. "If we give the Ancients a second chance, the least we can do is extend ourselves that kindness."

* * *

_one hundred forty-one days after Earth_

"They no longer feed on just the people," Ronon raised his hand high and dust fell from his palm like ash onto the table. "The entire planet, all of Manara, is dust and sand."

"How do we know this isn't a weapon they fire from orbit?" Elizabeth asked as her chest went tight and cold. John stood behind Ronon, hands folded across his chest. His chin was in his hand and she could share his thoughts in his soft eyes. Manara was one of their last trading partners. Of all the named planets, those that had traded with them, most of them were falling to the new Wraith.

"We brought this," Lorne gestured with his head and two of his marines dragged forward a piece of what had once been a great tree. The bark was grey and dead, as if it had sat dead for centuries. In the center of the piece they set before Elizabeth and Jack was a single handprint, burned white into the flesh of the tree. "Each tree, every plant, the streams, the lakes and rivers, even the air is dead."

"The planet is a tomb, just like the last two," Ronon added darkly as he slammed his gun onto the table. "Never in my lifetime, or the history of my people, or in any story that I have ever heard told, have the Wraith fed on anything but humans. They come, they take what they want and they leave to come again. This time they are not coming back." Elizabeth saw the tendons in his neck grow taunt and his eyes burn with a desperation she'd hadn't seen since he had come to Atlantis.

"I've been reading the oldest texts," Daniel began from behind Jack. Elizabeth watched as his hands touched the whitened wood. "In the beginning the Alterrans came to this galaxy with one city-ship. That was the first of its kind, called Imprimis. It was so old at the time of the Wraith war, that it was left to ruin. From what I've read I don't think it was the city Colonel Sheppard's team found three years ago, that one was too similar to Atlantis."

"Wait," Jack sat back in his chair and looked over at Daniel. "I thought Atlantis itself was already millions of years old."

"Imprimis is the prototype," Daniel explained as he lifted his hand from the wood. "It predates the Wraith, the Asurans, the replicators and the Goa'uld. Imprimis quite literally was the beginning."

"Okay, Daniel," Jack set his arms on the table and stared at his hands. "What does that mean to me? It's a fantastic vacation spot?"

"It means the answers are there," Daniel's voice was soft and confident and out of everyone in the room, he was the only one who still had hope in his voice as he spoke. "Maybe even the answers to the questions we don't know how to ask yet."

"Does your old city know why the Wraith now drain the life of entire planets?" Ronon demanded as he lifted his gun and shoved it back into the holster at his hip. "Why they took Teyla? Why the Asurans attacked Earth instead of the Wraith?"

"You can't steal or sell a thing until you know why someone else would want it," Vala answered from the corner. "What do the Wraith want Atlantis? Why do the Asurans build technology in exactly the same form as the Ancients? What do the Ancients want? Are they still listening?"

"Is there a god?" Daniel added thoughtfully. "Jack, I'll keep reading, but I think the old city is something we should explore."

Jack looked to Elizabeth waited for her to nod. John stared through to her and when he spoke the room grew quiet around him. Elizabeth felt the weight of his thoughts before he added them. "We should hear from the Artemis tomorrow, with Queen Mab gone we cannot defend this planet. We need to get everyone back to Atlantis before the Wraith realize where we are."

His eyes dropped to her belly and Elizabeth knew what he was thinking. Whether or not Atlantis was designed to hold families, raising their child there was deeply preferable than in tents and old castles, constantly on the run from the Wraith.

When she looked away from John, Jack was waiting for her to reply. Elizabeth started to speak, but the alarm came from outside the tent. The shrieking siren was followed by the sound of everyone getting to their feet. The rustling of clothing fell beneath the sound of metal on metal as the quiet meeting suddenly bristled with weapons. John retreated from the doorway towards Elizabeth, but she saw the nod that passed between Jack and her lover.

Her right hand dropped to the pistol John insisted she carry and her left hand wrapped anxiously around her belly. Sensing her nervousness, her child kicked the inside of her ribs hard enough to make her startle. Jack settled his P90 in his hands and Elizabeth wondered if it would be this way for the rest of her life. If every unauthorized gate activation would send her running for a rifle to protect her family.

Chuck was waiting in the control room. "It's Proculus ma'am, we got a garbled message, then the light appeared." He pointed to the protected courtyard.

"More refugees?" Jack murmured as he kept her behind him. Elizabeth saw a cloud of light settle in front of the 'gate. The light condensed, forming a figure with ashy white hair. The green dress she wore was vaguely familiar and when she turned to shut off the 'gate with a wave of her hand, Elizabeth realized who she was.

Chaya's hair was completely white and she collapsed to the snow as if her bones had been removed from her body. John and Lorne went to her as Cameron started to ask for medical assistance. Elizabeth watched as John lifted the dying woman from the snow and started bringing her in.

He only got as far as the table in the meeting room before she tried to stand. John set her down as she struggled and Elizabeth remembered how smitten Chaya had been with him. He'd mentioned kissing her once and a tiny corner of Elizabeth's mind felt a pang of jealousy. She'd held onto it because it was normal. It was crazy, but it was something other than fear.

The Ancient coughed and Elizabeth saw blood on the dry skin of her lips. "I've never seen a queen like that," she reached for John and dug gnarled fingers into his shirt. "I- I brought down one of her ships, but she destroyed my system, walked right through my defenses." Her eyes were yellowed with age and the rims of her eyes were red to the point of bleeding. The front of her dress was torn open and the bloody handprint on her chest was indicative how she'd been fed on.

"She let me go-" Chaya sputtered as John tried to calm her down enough to get her to the infirmary. "Teyla- Teyla- she walked through my abilities like I wasn't-" Her breath shudder in her chest, rattling dryly through nearly dead lungs.

"It's all right," John repeated softly.

Elizabeth shivered, feeling goose flesh forming on her arms as she crossed them over her chest. Mab made her feel like she was on fire whenever they were in the same room. Carson had the same effect once he had started to ascend, but this time she was ice cold. Jack touched her shoulder when her teeth started to chatter.

Ronon was turning a knife over and over in his hand. The steel moved so quickly that Elizabeth couldn't see his fingers moving the blade.

Chaya tried to choke her last words out of her cracked lips. "She let me go Sheppard, she knew- she knew-" Chaya's eyes went glassy and still. Elizabeth was still shivering as she felt Chaya pass on. In the sudden quiet, she felt warmth seep back into her body.

John stood up suddenly realizing what she was saying. "Deactivate the 'gate!" he ordered suddenly prying Chaya's hand from his shirt and running towards the Stargate. "Shut it down."

Chuck obeyed immediately and Evan helped him start taking apart the dialing device.

"Teyla knew Chaya would be able to find us," John turned back to explain in a low voice. "Thats why she stopped feeding before the end. Chaya would want to warn us."

"Call the Daedalus," Elizabeth ordered as the weight of John's realization settled into her stomach.

John was already running to the control room and Jack set down his P90 to follow. Simon arrived slightly out of breath with his medical team and he only showed his surprise for a moment before he and his team started to move her to a stretcher and cover her with a sheet.

Elizabeth remembered when he would have been shocked by the handprint on Chaya chest. She had known a Simon who would have been shaken by what he saw.

Now he touched her shoulder with concern. "Everyone else okay?" Simon asked softly.

"So far," Elizabeth answered as she tried to force herself to smile. "Thank you."

"Elizabeth-" John's voice cut though the canvas between her and the control room. Ducking through into that part of the tent, her heart skipped a beat as she looked from John to everyone around him.

"Caldwell just radioed down," John's voice was flat and he couldn't look away from her. "Four hive ships have just come out of hyperspace at the edge of the solar system."

"Don't suppose we have one of those spiffy chairs?" Jack asked lightly.

"The only defense this planet has can only be accessed by an Ascended being," Daniel explained as Vala wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him. "We might have enough time to dial out before they can dial in but-"

John's face went slack with surprise as the Daedalus comm officer spoke into his headset. Elizabeth couldn't read him for a moment, but his smile was unmistakable. "Something else just appeared."

"And?" Jack demanded as he waved his hand impatiently.

"They haven't made contact yet," John tried not to look too excited. "It looks like Atlantis."


	29. only the light

_one hundred thirty-nine days after Earth_

"When do you think we should come up with a new system?" Rodney asked as he nibbled on a power bar.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "How many of those are left?"

"This is the last chocolate-banana bar in existence until we learn to make them," Rodney sighed as he licked his fingers. "How long do you think a year should be? Three-sixty-five? Three-sixty? I'm leaning towards four hundred because then I'd only be thirty-two."

"Three-sixty-five," Sam decided as she fidgeted in her command chair on the bridge. "Keep something of Earth."

"I still think we need a new system. New months maybe," Rodney thought aloud as his fingers tapped on the computer console. "Canada," he decided softly. "Russia, United States, Germany, think we could come up with twelve?"

Sam felt her frustration burn like a ball in her chest. She tried to ignore him. She had a whole Asgard database to search for vague references to Ancient technology and the 'human component' Thor had promised was in there.

"Czech, Spain, England. Japan, Scotland, Athos..." he counted them off on his fingers and spun in his blue-white chair to look at her. "Two more-"

She bit her lip and tried to keep her mind on what she was doing.

"India..." Rodney continued to think as he spun again. "One more-"

"China," Sam replied finally. It wasn't worth it to fight him. She could have snapped and ruined his idea, but time was too short. She lifted her eyes and watched him spin his chair around again. "Atlantis has five scientists from China."

"They aren't all from Japan?" Rodney wondered as he came to a halt and started typing it into his computer. "I could have sworn-" He typed again and then looked up at her. "Alphabetical?"

"By time zone," Sam offered as she pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Have you ever interfaced with the Atlantis computer directly?"

"You mean that hologram?" Rodney asked over the rim of his coffee cup. "The patronizing one?"

"No, she corrected as she left her chair. Sam set down her coffee cup next to the pot of coffee and wished it was full again. The little hand on her watch read oh-three-hundred. They should sleep, of course, but neither of them were ready for that. "it says here there's another system. An interactive representation of the city itself. Something we can talk to."

"Why haven't we seen it already?" Rodney asked as he munched his way through a bag of pretzels.

"How many of those are left?" Sam wondered oddly watching the foil leave dancing patterns on the floor of the ship as the light reflected.

"Four," Rodney answered sadly as he popped another pretzel into his mouth. "But...they're less complicated than power bars. I'm sure we can-" He stopped suddenly and stared at her. "We had three ZPMs before we smashed up the city. Why wasn't this program active then?"

Sam shook her head wearily and yawned into her hand. "Look at this," she pointed as she reached for one of his pretzels. "Apparently we didn't ask."

Nearly spitting half-chewed pretzel mush across the bridge, Rodney stopped, reread what she'd pointed to and started to laugh. Sam glared at him through exhausted eyes. It wasn't funny.

Rodney set down the pretzels and wiped his eyes. He knew it wasn't funny. Sam could see it in his posture, but he was still giggling. "We didn't ask?"

"We didn't activate the system," Sam answered as she felt herself start to snort. "We never asked the city to speak to it. We didn't ask it to repair itself. If the Ancients were there it would be one of the first things they did, but we didn't ask."

Rodney slumped over in his chair, laughing in near hysteria as she started to giggle along with him. It was oh-three-hundred, the sockets of her eyes felt like someone had poured dust into them, but she couldn't help laughing along with him.

* * *

Two hours later they were there, standing on the darkened floor of the control room. Rodney took the lead, clinging to his computer and his thermos of coffee with equal determination he rushed across the catwalk to Elizabeth's office.

Sam's stomach turned at the smell of state air. The city was sleeping, waiting for them in the nebula like a faithful dog under the porch. "You should just have to ask for it."

Rodney was ahead of her. Standing in Elizabeth's office, staring at the wall and feeling like a pathetic, childish version of himself, Rodney set down his computer and looked up at the ceiling.

"Help me," he asked softly. "Atlantis, I don't know what I'm doing. I can't fix what's wrong. Help..."

Blue light poured from the floor and the ceiling equally and started to form a figure. Three ZPMs sang in harmony as the entire city came to brilliantly lit life.

A glimmering representation of Elizabeth Weir stood in front of Rodney and looked him over with a patient eye. "How may I assist you?" she asked in neatly clipped English.

Rodney's thermos bounced once on the floor of Elizabeth's office. Not-Elizabeth, the computer representation of Atlantis, bent and retrieved it for him. "I am in a state of disrepair," Not-Elizabeth announced calmly. "I require raw material components."

Sam rushed into the room behind Rodney. She hadn't thought it would be so quick. It was apparently so easy to fix what they'd flown billions of kilometers to ask. The Elizabeth staring at her didn't smile, didn't look as if she knew her and was most thankfully, not pregnant. Her holographic stomach was flat beneath her breasts and a white version of Elizabeth's red uniform top. Her eyes were off as well. Pupil-less white eyes stared back at her patiently.

"You are not Alterran," Not-Elizabeth accused her softly.

"She is a friend," Rodney interjected as he changed the subject back to the important one. "What material components do you require?"

"Metals, minerals, raw elemental forms," Not-Elizabeth answered as she looked over Sam quickly with her terrifyingly empty eyes. When she turned to Rodney she performed the same action, as if she was scanning him. "Lk-476 has been severely diluted a population of humans at your level of genetic development will have trouble managing Atlantis." She looked away for a moment, as if having another separate conversation in her mind.

"I need to enter hyperspace," Not-Elizabeth explained patiently as Sam's commlink began to crackle.

"Sir," her technician's tired voice had a note of panic. "We're being pulled down to the northern pier of the city. It's some kind of..."

"It's all right Lieutenant," Sam insisted immediately. "Just let it happen."

"The Artemis is docked and I am ready to enter hyperspace," Not-Elizabeth announced as she handed Rodney his thermos. "Do you wish to fly the city manually? If that is the case, please proceed to the control chair."

Rodney shook his head and stared at the hands that had just recently touched his. "Why do you look like Elizabeth?"

"The appearance of the interactive hologram always matches that of the Governor of Atlantis," Not-Elizabeth explained as she tilted her head and brought the city into hyperspace. Instead of the loping, swaying motion that John couldn't get out of the city when he flew it, it flew perfectly.

Rodney stared at the hologram and reached for her arm. Not-Elizabeth did not acknowledge the hands on her arm.

"How are you doing this?" Sam asked as she peered out the window in the gateroom. The stars were twisting awkwardly outside of it, and despite what they felt inside, Atlantis was flying like a wounded bird.

"I am continuously adjusting the internal gravity to match the direction of the ship," Not-Elizabeth, the Atlantean hologram Sam corrected herself, explained. "It is difficult, but this is a short journey."

The ship fell out of hyperspace and the deck shot up to meet all of them. The city creaked and rumbled it's displeasure. The hologram had remained on her feet, but her surprisingly solid hands reached down to help Sam and Rodney back to their feet. "The internal stabilizers are barely functioning," the hologram explained easily. "That was the best I could manage."

"Millions of calculations a second," Rodney whispered in awe as he checked himself for bruises. "Readjusting the gravity would mean millions of calculations a second and she still couldn't come out of it without stalling."

The lights dimmed around them, as if the power was being diverted somewhere else. The hologram led them to the screen in the control room and activated it with a look. "I will consume this asteroid belt for raw materials, it will take forty-six Tau'ri hours."

Rodney gave the hologram an odd look, but Sam was more comfortable with the terminology. Why a hologram designed by the Ancients was using it was not important as she watched the screen in astonishment. Asteroids, hundreds of them, were all moving towards the city. "I thought Tau'ri was a Goa'uld word?" Rodney muttered as he watched the asteroids start to disintegrate when a white beam of light from Atlantis hit them.

"Must be borrowed," Sam decided as she stared at the hologram of Elizabeth. She, if it could be called that, wasn't even slightly pregnant, as Elizabeth had been when she took the oath of office to the city. "Will I distract you if I speak?" she asked softly as Rodney left to get a better view.

"The nanites will handle the repairs without my interference," Not-Elizabeth answered easily as she turned her white eyes towards Sam. "My appearance is disconcerting to you."

"Elizabeth Weir is pregnant," Sam blurted out as she looked down quickly at her hands on the control panel.

"This hologram is not," Not-Elizabeth replied easily. "Tradition insists that I take on the appearance of the governor of Atlantis, I did not think taking on her medical conditions would be included in that tradition."

"Why the governor?" Sam asked as she forced herself to stare into the face of the woman across from her. It was going to be even more difficult to see the real Elizabeth. To stare at her and know that what had been an accident between Elizabeth and Colonel Sheppard had been denied to her and the man she loved. Jack deserved better.

"To facilitate immediate trust with the people of Atlantis," Not-Elizabeth explained as she closed her eyes for a moment. The lights of the city dimmed and Sam could feel systems shutting down around her. "The repairs require nearly all of the energy of your power modules. This repair would be accomplished more rapidly with the presence of more of the gene."

"LK-476?" Sam asked softly, her scientific mind was starting to wonder how that would work when the hologram explained for her.

"Alterran, Lantian-" the hologram corrected, "- technology depends on the presence of LK-476 to function. For many years the Lantians incorporated themselves into their city, building in systems that depended on their life force itself to function and it was not until..."

"...There were humans without it that you realized you might need another way to power the city," Sam realized as pieces started to fall into place in her head. "LK-476 is the gene that keys Atlantis into the life-force of the individual."

"It means their sub-atomic resonance is compatible with the power systems of the city, yes," the hologram explained with the patience of a grandmother. "Would you like to see the schematic designs of the subject?"

"Yes!" Sam exclaimed immediately forgetting her frustration. Sub-atomic resonance energy explained everything. It was of course purely theoretic, so far removed from human technology that it was myth rather than science, but now an image of the woman she couldn't help hating was telling her that fairy dust was real and could really make her fly. "Yes, please," she corrected as she stared at the screen. "You have no idea what this means..."

Atlantis, comfortably in the form of Elizabeth Weir, smiled softly. "Welcome home, friend of Alterra," she paused and found Sam's name in the human part of her database, " Colonel Samantha Carter iuro O'Neill."

"'Iuro' ?" Sam puzzled as she watched the Lantian computer dissect a particle of human DNA down into the sub-atomic into pieces she'd never seen before.

"To take an oath with," the hologram translated with a blank expression, "the Lantian way of signifying marriage."

"Right," Sam murmured as she forgot everything she'd known about biological resonance. The answers to everything from the existence of ZPMs, genetic components to technology, to the limitless power the Ancients would have needed to construct this city were unfolding in front of her and she was barely grasping how it worked. "How did they come up with this?"

"When all fossil fuels had been depleted, and population growth was severely limited to the point of near extinction-"

Sam couldn't help wondering what extreme measures the hologram was glossing over.

"-the first Alterrans to ascend gifted their people with this technology, so they would never again have to let something as simple as power dictate life and death. As long as there were Alterrans, there would be power."

Sam touched the screen and her lips parted in amazement. Beyond the sub-atomic, on the level of particle physics were nothing should be able to exist, something resonated within everything and one simple genetic marker was all it took to power the city. It was poetry on the same level as Da Vinci's masterpieces, or Mozart's opera. It was like looking into the face of God.

A cold shiver ran down her spine and Sam realized in an instant that was why the Wraith existed, why the Goa'uld had enslaved millions, this power had to find a balance in the universe. Pure energy couldn't exist without darkness. Light couldn't shine into light. For a moment she heard her father's voice in the back of her mind.

"Everything good has a cost, Sam."

* * *

_one hundred forty-one days after Earth_

Carson pulled himself back into his body and tried to shake the residual aching of his muscles. They weren't real, they were a projection of his mind meant to make him more presentable to his still-human friends; they weren't allowed to hurt. As he made his hands solid and met the eyes of his friends, he was immediately drawn to Elizabeth.

Sweat was already starting to bead up on her forehead, and when he reached out he could feel the virus multiplying in her bloodstream. Mab had been trying to make a difference, create the right combination of DNA that could rewire everything else. Bring LK-476 back as a dominant trait and bring this poor universe out of the darkness before it was too late.

Elizabeth wasn't quite strong enough. He could feel her immune system trying to fight the invader, responding to a virus her body couldn't possibly understand. She staggered and John's hand on her back caught her. Did John know what was happening? Would he ever understand how important he was? Why he had sat in that chair back a lifetime ago on Antarctica?

"I will be able to hold off the Wraith long enough for you to escape," Carson explained calmly to the shocked faces of those around him.

"Can't you just smack them out of existence?" Jack suggested with a venom Carson could feel in the air. Daniel nodded and Carson felt the ripples of agreement in everyone but Elizabeth.

It was happening too fast. He'd thought he'd have more time before he triggered the growth of the virus. Elizabeth's eyes were already starting to dim. He felt her sink against John and the rising panic in his friend.

He met John's eyes only when he nudged John with him mind and made him look up. "She can't be around me," Carson explained as calmly as he could. "The virus in her blood is unstable, imperfect, my presence resonates in a way that feeds it."

John bent to scoop her into his arms, something that took was going to take more effort than it once had. He wasn't sure where he was taking her. If getting her out of the room would be enough.

Elizabeth resisted him for a moment. "Carson?" she asked weakly as sweat glistened on her upper lip.

"It's all right love," he promised as he tried to reign in his powers as much as he possibly could. "I'll be gone in a moment."

"Gone where exactly?" Jack demanded with his general's tone.

"I need to use Imprimis to defend the planet," Carson explained as he stretched back out to the ancient city. Its shields were holding and it was maintaining orbit but only just. He couldn't divide himself much longer; he didn't have the practice. He wasn't strong enough. "If I defend this planet long enough, Atlantis will save you."

"Take us now," Elizabeth suggested as she sank to the floor. John's hands were on her shoulders, but she managed to lift her head on her own. "There's nothing- nothing here- worth fighting for." Her voice was a panting and Carson was impressed at how well she was fighting off the delirium.

"Imprimis lacks the energy to enter hyperspace again, even with you all aboard, I can't get enough power," Carson explained as he felt the confusion ripple through them all. "There isn't enough of the gene," he tried again to explain. Daniel looked as if Carson had triggered an old memory and for a second Carson debated with himself before he took a step forward.

Daniel's mind was calm and organized and in a moment of shared thoughts Daniel opened his eyes again with renewed understanding. "Not even with the villagers? All of them?"

Carson reached outward. In his hurry, he hadn't thought of the villagers. He hadn't considered that they would come willingly if he asked them. There was something to be said for their unconditional loyalty to ascended beings. Carson reached outward, losing the ability to hold his physical form together as his extremities dissolved into light. He felt Elizabeth's hand tighten painfully on John's arm and wished he could apologize properly for the hell he was putting her through.

John's face was tight with concern. Carson even thought it was a death glare he was getting out of the corner of his eye. All around him the peasants moved and breathed steadily without concern for the Wraith ships closing in on them. Some of the refugees from Earth had the right gene, and all of the peasants did, but was it enough?

Carson reached up for Imprimis, feeling for the ancient city like he was searching for a part of himself. The Imprimis computer responded slowly, like he had woken it from a long nap. That city was tired. Worn beyond her years and the fatigue of her metals, Imprimis had one final task. Atlantis had heard his distress signal. Atlantis was coming.

"It's not enough," Carson explained softly as he pulled his extremities back to himself. "Atlantis could hold them, but Imprimis is too old, too inefficient. Get everyone into the safest parts of the castle, as deep beneath stone as possible."

John lifted Elizabeth into his arms before she could protest. Chuck started to speak into the radio and people started to move.

Jack barked orders and people started to move. 'Leave whatever you don't need to keep on living and get your asses out of here," he snapped and held his rifle a little closer. "I'm going to need Marines," he reminded Cameron as the colonel started rallying the troops they had.

Carson felt the first few shots start to impact Imprimis' fragile shields and shuddered with the city. "I have to go," he announced to nearly deaf ears as he faded. "I will hold out as long as I can."

* * *

Elizabeth's eyes rolled back into her head and John wiped sweat from her forehead with the edge of his sleeve. She fought her way back to consciousness and forced her delirious eyes to lock on his face. "Where are we going?"

"Down where it's safe," John whispered into her ear as he tried to navigate the winding staircase without hitting her against the stone walls around them. "Just hold tight, we'll be down there soon."

She tightened a fevered hand on the back of his neck, but Elizabeth didn't respond to his voice.

Someone jostled him and John looked back over his shoulder at Simon. "Hold still for a moment," Simon asked softly as he reached for Elizabeth's wrist. He took her pulse as he tried to judge her temperature. "It's worse than before," he offered gently. "But she doesn't seem to be in any danger. It should pass when Carson moves on, as long as it's the same as before."

"Thank you," John offered as he straightened Elizabeth in his arms. "She responds when I ask her questions. She's listening."

Simon slipped past him in the staircase and smiled carefully as he tried to ignore the weight of the rifle in his hands. One of the marines must have pressed it into his hands and he had carried it all the way down into the cellars of the castle. John tried to ignore the burning of his arms and the weight of her body against his chest. Her hair smelled wetly of sweat, but the soft sweat of illness instead of exertion. Their child stirred within her and he felt it against his stomach.

John's body clamped down internally, tensing up in preparation for the fight to come. He could almost hear the Wraith stampeding down the stairs. Even with Elizabeth in his arms, his fingers itched for his weapon. Did he dare leave her and join the fight? Which was more important? Where did he belong?

"John?" her voice was soft, nearly lost in the rustling of bodies around them. "Carson can't," she murmured as she struggled to lift her head. "He can't, John--"

John stopped in the catacombs of the castle cellar and pulled her out of the way. Leaning back against the cool, dusty wall, he put his body between her and the refugees pushing past them. "Carson can't what?" John asked as he held her chin up so she could look at him.

"He can't fight her," Elizabeth insisted through her fever. "He's not-" her tongue licked across dry lips and she tried to shake herself back.

"He's not what?" John prompted her as he brushed damp hair away from her forehead. "Not what?" he demanded again when her eyes tried to close.

"I saw it," she swallowed and grabbed the front of his shirt impossibly tightly with her hand. "I saw what's going to happen, John-" Elizabeth pulled him closer. "John you have to stop him."

"Carson's okay," he pushed her back further out of the way between two barrels that seemed older than either of them. "He's got a whole city up there, he's going to be fine."

Elizabeth pushed off his shoulder and startled him as she tried to drag herself to her feet. Clinging to him and the wall behind her, she stood shakily for a moment before he had to grab her shoulders and keep her on her feet. "Carson," she insisted again as she tried to push him away. "You have to help--"

"And leave you here?" John asked rhetorically as he stared at her. Her eyes were starting to clear, but her stolen black t-shirt of his was still sticking to her skin. "You can't even stand up."

"It'll pass," she protested as she tried to straighten up. Elizabeth's hands were still trembling but her grip on his arm was steely with desperation. "Something's wrong up there," she pleaded as her hands crept up to his face.

"I didn't shave," John apologized vaguely as her hands brushed across the stubble on his cheek. "Sorry."

"It's all right," she whispered with the tiniest of smiles. "Carson," Elizabeth demanded again.

"I don't know what I can do," John replied seriously as he moved her hand to kiss it. "I can't get a hold of him. I don't have the right radio, I can't- I can't get up there."

She sank against the wall, weakening as her adrenaline faded. "He's not safe," she repeated as they sank together back to the floor. "I saw--"

* * *

Teyla stood on the command deck of the lead hive and watched as Michael led the preparations for the assault. Without Queen Mab to defend her planet, Ceol hung in the sky beneath her completely helpless.

"Your ground teams are ready, my queen," Michael announced as the report came in. "We are detecting just over two thousand humans, mostly beneath the surface. They do not appear to have any major weaponry."

Teyla smiled and stretched the talons on her hands. Perhaps the humans and their feeble planet would provide enough life to seed another child within her. She let the air seep out of her lungs and let them stay empty. Breathing wasn't exactly necessary anymore. Rolling her head across her shoulders, she looked out at the stars before her and felt for her family.

John's mind was a knot of concern and she was almost disappointed that he wasn't more prepared for the fight. Ronon's thoughts were quiet and nearly as hungry as her own. Teyla's eyes flicked across Michael's back and she toyed with the idea of taking a second consort. Ronon's ingrained hatred of the Wraith might make turning him more difficult than Sheppard.

There were minds she recognized vaguely. The resolve of Colonel Mitchell, and the plotting of General O'Neill weren't entirely familiar. Zelenka was busying himself with something and Rodney was strangely absent. Teyla's eyebrows narrowed as she pushed her abilities further.

Elizabeth's mind was a maelstrom. Teyla felt a rush of heat run through her body as soon as she touched it. Elizabeth was barely conscious, and her mind didn't even notice the intrusion. Teyla knew her way as she searched Elizabeth's memory.

Atlantis was absent. The city was still in disrepair and it was going to be almost too easy to take everything and finally put an end to the human problem. The Wraith were the true descendants of the Ancestors. Teyla filled her chest with air and opened her eyes.

"Begin," she purred low enough that only Michael heard her. He repeated the order louder and Teyla could feel her people attacking their duties with the joy of the hunt fresh in their hearts.

"I will lead the ground assault personally," she instructed Michael as her ships fell into orbit.

He replied, but she missed his words as something tickled in her mind. Her order to raise their shields came only a moment before the bombardment begin in earnest.

One of the missing minds, someone she'd thought was simply with Rodney on some mission of mercy, blinded her with power. Carson, sweet, naive Carson, was flying a city ship as if he had been born to it. As he brought the city out of the shadow of Ceol's second moon, Teyla felt the familiar longing for the silhouette that had once been her home.

Carson's city was no Atlantis. The ship that was firing on her was so old it didn't even have drones to throw at her darts. The city felt like rough stone as she ran her mind over it.

Dropping into herself, Teyla called on her reserves of strength. Bypassing Michael and the crew of her ship and each ship around her, she took direct control. Carson was flying his ship as an extension of himself, and to beat him she needed to outfly him on that level.

Her darts were ineffective against his shield. Her cruisers were worthless against his ion cannons. Two hive ships began their attack run, but Teyla felt one of the start to disintegrate as soon as it got within range of the great particle cannons of the old city. Teyla felt Carson's flash of triumph and used it as one of her hives burst into burning fragments in black space.

Sending the other two in an immediate, spiraling attack from beneath, she managed to keep them out of the worst of his weapons fire. Carson started to turn his city; moving to get a better shot at her only left his understand vulnerable. His city shuddered as her hives punched through his shields. She could feel air starting to leek into space from his vessel and fed on that.

"Launch the ground teams," Teyla demanded and her voice rang through the mind of each Wraith. Her people hurried to obey, feeling her strength in their veins as they set to their tasks. When she let go of herself she could feel their need for the hunt filling them with purpose. She shared her pride and her quiet resolve that they would overcome everything that lay before them.

Feeling the drone's minds turn from stone to molten lust for the hunt, Teyla set them free on the planet. She paid for the moment's distraction when Carson destroyed another cruiser. Her daughter, seventh and youngest, died when her vessel exploded into the emptiness of space.

Screaming her frustration and grief into the air, Teyla felt outward with her mind. If the old city proved too much for her offenses, the planet would just have to fall that much quicker.

* * *

Jack threw himself behind a snow-covered rock and fired one of the precious anti-aircraft guns at the Wraith dart. His first few shots missed the mark, but he tracked onto the ship and it fell from the sky in a burning arc. Behind that one, more than he could count raced towards them, culling beams screaming beneath them as they tried to burn through the rock.

He fired again, and managed to take down another one but the pale blue winter sky was dark with ships. Cameron sank into the snow next to him, firing as he fell. Jack hadn't even seen the explosion, but he felt the heat melt some of the snow around it. Smoke burned acrid in his mouth as he looked for the rest of the front lines. Lorne and the marines would holding their own, but the Wraith kept coming. For each ship they knocked out of the sky, three more came to rain fire down on them.

Jack didn't see how the first death happened, but he saw one of the Wraith ships pick up three of the line and knew how those men would die. He slammed the shells into his gun and kept firing. He wasn't going to die like that. He was going to die old, older, wrinkled and staring at the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I asked Jeannie to marry me," Cameron offered as he passed a set of shells over through the snow.

Jack grunted and watched a dart take out part of the castle wall as it fell from the sky. "Did you mean it?"

Cameron shrugged and fired. "Yeah, I really did," he admitted as he flashed a quick smile. "Should be all right."

Jack shrugged along with one of the men he'd be proud to call brother and looked him over with new respect. "So far, so good," he offered of his own marriage. "Get bigger blankets than you think you need."

* * *

"Go up there," Elizabeth whispered as she pushed John away from her. "You're a good shot, they'll need you."

He looked around the huddled refugees. Two military officers, techs by the look of their suits, held P90s and stood at the doorway. "They're science geeks with guns, and they-" he lowered his head to her shoulder, "-are a bunch of peasants and sub-urbanites. I can't leave you down here." Down at the end of the room were the stretchers and the wounded. The only smell that cut through the dust of the cellar was that of fresh blood.

John glanced over and watched as Simon tried to keep one of the expedition members, Doctor Sylvana of the geology department, from losing her leg. "I can't," he repeated as Elizabeth tried to push him away.

"Are you doing more good here, watching me, than you could up there?" she begged him to explain as she finally got her eyes to focus on his face. Elizabeth dropped one hand to her belly and John followed it with his eyes. "I think I freaked him, her, out a little bit."

"Well, the baby's not the only one," John admitted as forced himself to stop biting his lip. "You were pretty gone there for awhile."

Elizabeth leaned back and closed her eyes as she guided his hand to the sore spot just over what he assumed was a baby foot. "It's like getting pushed out of reality," she murmured before she opened her eyes. "I could hear everything but it was all mushed together. Carson talking and worrying, Teyla-" she suddenly tightened her grip on his hand. "I could hear her voice."

"She's probably leading the attack," John agreed as a chill crept into his bones. He had to get up there, if only just to see what Teyla had become. "I can't leave you down here. If Carson comes back you won't even know what's going on. You'll--"

Elizabeth's finger covered his lips. "Jeannie's down here, so is Simon and the medical staff. If I'm going to pass out and lose myself again, this is the place to do it."

John tried to ignore the icy fingers running up through his chest. "Don't say that," he insisted as he kissed the damp skin of her forehead. "I can't leave you like this."

"You can't protect me down here either," Elizabeth pointed out as she shifted slightly against the wall.

"If the Wraith come down those stairs..." John began to shake his head.

"If the Wraith come down those stairs," Elizabeth repeated with incredible calm. "We'll both die. If you're here, you'll die with me, and if you're up there, you'll already be dead." She patted his cheek, but it only intensified the horror of what she was saying. "You'd die before they got to me either way. John," she licked her lips again and fought for resolve, "You up there is the best way because that's where you belong."

He shoved the rifle into her hands, bending her trembling fingers around the grip. John read everything he needed to know in her eyes. Elizabeth believed something he was having trouble grasping. She'd already accepted that they might both not live to see their baby draw breath. He couldn't face that thought. He couldn't even think that thought and there was calm in her eyes.

"Be here when I get back?" he asked softly feeling the question fall to the ground like a spent shell casing.

"You just make damn sure you come back," Elizabeth answered with her lips on his cheek.

He started to speak but failed. John usually managed to come up with some kind of witty remark and he waited for his mind to come up with something. His eyes scorched her into his mind. Her hair had gotten so long that curls tumbled down to her swollen breasts, breasts that were full and ripe beneath his black t-shirt, beneath that was her belly, their child and his rifle. Her hands were steady as she clutched the P90. Sweat was still drying to dampness on her skin, but her fingers were in all the right places.

When he still failed to speak, Elizabeth kissed him again, and this time her tongue lingered against his lip. Elizabeth was a taste all her own. Tonight, she was salty with sweat and fear but he was going to remember the resolve in her brilliant green eyes. Eyes that never faltered when they looked at him.

* * *

Carson sat in the control chair, at least, that was what he would be doing were he still tied to his body. When Teyla stood across from him, she saw only light. He was awash with it, filled with it inside and out. His body had faded more than hers and she wondered if that was what made him different. His flesh was purer, more wholesome because he had ascended on the right terms.

He was pure and she was the parasite. Teyla felt outward with her mind. He was so involved in fighting her hive ships that he hadn't even noticed her approach. He hadn't felt her in the inner sanctum of the city and he was completely defenseless before her. He might be able to pretend at being a warrior when he had the power of Imprimis behind him, but Carson was no fighter.

His mind would certainly be no match for hers. Teyla found Michael and told him to concentrate all his attention on the planet. The distraction would certainly be enough to keep him occupied. Even once he began to struggle with her, Carson would never forgive himself if his self-preservation cost even one life on the planet.

Teyla took a last look around the old city before she steeled herself for the attack. Unlike the welcoming walls of Atlantis, Imprimis was old enough to have the appearance of stone. Some of it even was stone, precious bricks hewn from the soil of the original home planet of the Ancestors. A planet dead so long that even it's star was starting to falter.

The whispers of the Ancestors were in her mind as she pounced. To his credit, Carson was more aware then he seemed. The light of his body faded and he jumped away, more nimble now than he ever had been as a human. He watched her as she picked herself up. His face was quiet as she roared her strength to the stones of the city.

He dodged when she came again. He knocked her hands aside when she reached for his chest. Carson's mental shields were better than she expected. Mab's mind had been chaotic, unfocused, but Carson's was patient and neat. His weaknesses weren't obvious. When she brought the full force of her mind to bear against him, she impacted against his control and ran off like water.

Teyla hissed and felt for his weakness. Carson just stared her down, still patient, still. Perhaps he would just be able to wait it out and sit behind his walls until her energy was spent. She threw herself at him again, but it was half-hearted. She felt him begin to relax. He took some of his energy away from her and directed Imprimis back into the fray.

She reached into the wellspring of the Wraith, reaching down to her humblest of servants and attaching herself. It was a longshot. Perhaps Michael was right and she wasn't strong enough to feed on a truly Ascended being.

Teyla didn't give up. Long years of fighting the Wraith had taught her that sometimes the last resort was the best plan of all. As mother to all her people, she asked for their help.

Willingly, even eagerly, they began to give.

* * *

John seemed to have reached the party just as it was ending. He took a anti-aircraft rifle from the hands of a dead marine and closed her eyes as he took her package of shells. He took aim at a dart only to have it suddenly break off. John searched the sky, but they were all pulling away. Slinging the heavy gun over his shoulder, he dared the run across open ground and made his way to the ridge.

Dropping to the snowy ground behind an old stone wall, he turned to Jack and Cameron. "Are we winning this?"

"We shouldn't be," Cameron offered as he wiped blood from his forehead. A Wraith shot had gotten a little close, John realized as he looked down the line. Lorne was down, but he could see the major's chest moving. Daniel was down too, but Vala hovered over his body with two P90s in hand.

"Get the wounded below," Jack snapped and his voice carried in the wind. "Make the most of our lunchbreak."

Cameron wiped the rest of the blood clear from his eyes and shook his head. "I'm staying," he insisted as Jack looked him over. Zelenka and one of the Genii who had lived dragged Lorne below. Vala stopped the men who came to move Daniel. Jack looked to Cameron before he nodded his okay. Trust ran in silent lines through the defenders. Cameron knew those from Earth and John commanded Atlantis, but everyone deferred to Jack. Jack was their general, their lion.

"General," Caldwell's clipped voice broke the silence. "Imprimis has stopped attacking and all the Wraith ships seem to be waiting for something."

"You mean they're just sitting there?" Jack demanded into his radio incredulously.

"Every ship is at a standstill," Caldwell clarified. John pictured him starting at the monitors of his ship with the same look Jack had.

"What the-" Cameron muttered under his breath.

"We should check the city," John suggested as Elizabeth's delirious mutterings weighed heavily on his mind. Teyla wouldn't stop. The Wraith wouldn't stop.

"Can't trust doctors with anything," Jack complained as he weighed the situation. "Mitchell, you're the man down here, keep me informed if anything changes. Sheppard, you know these cities better than anyone, you're with me." He touched his radio and looked skyward.

"Don't suppose we could get a lift up there?"

* * *

By the time they materialized in the chair room on Imprimis, it was over. John barely had time to look over the strangely familiar, though ancient walls of Imprimis before he heard Teyla's laughter.

it had been months since he'd seen her, and in that time she had been lost. Her eyes were black and bottomless, like the Wraith. Her fingers were long and ended in talons and her skin glowed grey-green and wet in the weak blue light. Light crackled within her, like a captive storm and as her eyes met his, she continued to laugh.

Carson stood across from her and his gaze was fixed on her face. He was full of the preternatural calm that came with being ascended. The sense of everything filled him with the patience that he would overcome. That the light would win out. She tossed her head and heavy brown curls hovered in the air a moment before she dissolved into light. Tinged with green, Teyla's light engulfed him. It surrounded him and blocked him from view. She got brighter, completely hiding Carson and glistening off the stone walls of the city.

The air itself started crackle, as if it was filled with electricity. It started to stink of ozone and John wondered if they'd both survive what was about to happen. At his side the general lowered his gun and looked over at the chair. They needed this city to hold off the ground assault. Neither of them were paying attention, one of them could slip by.

John had more experience as a pilot of the city. He didn't doubt Jack could do it, but he was the better choice. He tried to ignore the prickling sensation that covered his skin when he got too close to the ball of light. He couldn't see so he felt forward with his hands. He found the arm of the chair first, then the base; when he started to sit something broke.

He felt the shockwave cut through his body, heard Jack grunt as he felt the same thing, and tasted blood in his mouth. His body hurt as if he'd been torn through a thunderstorm. His eyes were burning as his vision started to return. John's retina's let the light came back in reverse. At first Teyla appeared as a dark spot, but she was only there for a moment. Instead of her, he only saw a figure made of light. When his vision began to improve, they were both gone.

* * *

Rodney couldn't believe what he was seeing. He stood safely behind a force field as nanites reassembled the city. Nanites that could have saved him weeks of time if he had just known about them earlier. He shook his head in disgust and kept watching as the girders extended themselves into space. He couldn't see the actual nanites, but he could picture them realigning the asteroids into metal and crystalline structures.

Atlantis would live again. They'd rescue what was left of humanity and build a new world. He smiled to himself and realized Elizabeth was starting to get to him.

Rodney felt something touch his shoulder and he turned, expecting Sam or maybe if she was lost, Jennifer.

Instead of either woman, Carson smiled at him. "City going to be okay?" he asked peacefully.

"These nanites are amazing, in less than twelve hours the city will be completely repaired and Elizabeth- well, she's not Elizabeth really she just looks like Elizabeth but she--" Rodney babbled in excitement as he watched chaos become function. "How'd you?" he realized with a start.

"Ascended," Carson shrugged as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his uniform pants. His uniform looked better than Rodney remembered. Carson was clean shaven, and smiling as if he knew the answers to everything. "Queen Mab and I, and then I, well--" he let it remain unsaid.

"Shouldn't you be do something more important?" Rodney asked as he started to get suspicious. "Like not scaring the hell out of your friends."

"You're my best friend, Rodney," Carson's eyes were soft for a moment. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that," Rodney answered with quick annoyance. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Carson's smile only grew brighter. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

Rodney whirled back to his friend, dropping his computer as he realized Carson was gone. He pounded his radio, sending a rush of pain through his ear as he activated it.

"Carter, Carter we need to get back to the planet."

Her reply was dull. "We'll have repairs completed in twelve hours, Rodney, can it wait?"

"Carson just came to see me," he started to explain as he picked up the computer and started jogging up towards command. "Carson just came to say goodbye--"

He held the computer to his chest and started to run. "Get the damn hologram, ask her if we can reach hyperspace yet, ask her if we can halt the repairs, ask her--"

All of humanity was waiting on a god-forsaken planet, and he had precious little time to save them. He couldn't face Carson being gone, so his mind focused on the one thing that could drive him to be his best. Once again, Rodney McKay had to save the world.

* * *

Heavy feet were coming down the stairs. Elizabeth could feel the vibration as she dragged herself up with her hand on the wall. She was still too weak to stand on her own, but she had too. She lifted the incredible weight of the P90 and aimed it at the doorway.

Jeannie surprised her as she came up behind her and took a place at her side. The magazine clicked as Jeannie checked her gun. "No one gets past us," Jeannie promised through tight lips as Elizabeth looked for Madison. The little girl was hiding beneath one of the sheets on one of Simon's gurneys. The doctor took a moment to smile at Madison before he keep working on the stitches on Major Lorne's shoulder.

Elizabeth heard her own heart beating in her ears and her blood was impossibly loud. The last three times it had been marines. They wouldn't be that lucky, would they? She wrapped her finger around the trigger, hearing John's voice remind her how to squeeze instead of pulling; how to aim ahead of her target.

In her belly, their child was still. Maybe she slept, or maybe he could sense her terror. Elizabeth spared a thought to thank her child for being with her for the time they had.

At the end of her gun was another gun, and Vala Mal Doran pushed through ahead of the men carrying Daniel Jackson. "The Wraith just stopped, some of the darts started falling out of the sky."

Ladon was behind her and his expression was more predatory. "The Wraith inside are dead, drained, as if they had started feeding on themselves." He helped Simon's medics maneuver in the crowded cellar.

Beside her, Jeannie lowered her rifle just a bit. "Just like that?"

"We've been making sure they're going to stay dead," Vala explained as Elizabeth noticed the black blood on her hands and clothing. A knife at her side was still dripping black goo onto the stone. "I don't like it."

Ladon shook his head and made way for Zelenka and more wounded. "General O'Neill and Colonel Sheppard went up to the city when it stopped moving. I hope your Carson is still all right."

"Have you heard from Colonel Caldwell?" Elizabeth forced herself to ask. John was in the line of fire, trapped on some impossibly ancient city with only million year old shields between him and the frigid eternity of space.

Ladon and Vala both shook their heads. "We're taking the able back up to the surface," Ladon explained as he reloaded his gun. "We'll try to keep in radio contact."

"You feeling better?" Vala asked as she took the time to clean the bloody knife on her uniform pants. "You look better."

Elizabeth hadn't noticed but her hands were steady and the incredible exhaustion that had come with her fever had left her mind. Carson being in orbit hadn't been enough for her to feel better. If being that far away wasn't enough, why did she suddenly feel better now?

Radios crackled on all of their chests. The stone made Caldwell's signal weaker than it should have been. "...system...retreating, I repeat, Atlantis...tem...the Wraith are retreating."

Vala answered Caldwell and Elizabeth turned away. Her eyes were starting to tear up. Atlantis. Caldwell had seen Atlantis, not the old city, but the living Atlantis. It was a fluke. She had to feel better because she was getting over the virus. Atlantis was back and they were going home.

All of them.


	30. Ragnarok

_one hundred forty-three days after Earth  
the twenty-first of Scotland_

Sam lifted her head from the control panel and searched the atrium surrounding the 'gate for Jack. Unable to locate his grey head, or a hat that might be hiding it, she turned back to her work. Exhaustion had etched dark circles beneath her eyes; she noticed for the first time when she caught her reflection in the glass around Elizabeth's office. Jack would worry that she was so tired and working too hard. Normally that would have bothered her. Now she couldn't wait for his hands to be on her shoulders and his voice in her ears telling her it was all going to be okay.

"Will the repairs hold?" Sam asked the Elizabeth hologram.

The hologram, the only kind of Elizabeth she could handle, indicated the representation of the city. "I am currently operating at thirty-eight percent capacity with the current representation of LK-476. With all the humans on the planet on board, capacity will be forty-two percent."

Sam sighed and rubbed her forehead to dissuade the headache forming above her eyes. "How many copies of the gene need to be present for one hundred percent capacity?"

The hologram's eyes went blank for a moment as she calculated. "One hundred percent capacity will require two thousand occurrences of LK-476 at average strength, or at least one hundred instances of a very strong gene."

"But the city will still run?" Sam asked rhetorically as her fingers danced across the keyboard. "The ZPMs will be enough to run most of the systems?"

"Genetic resonance is the best power source," the Elizabeth hologram reminded her. "But the ZPMs as you call them will be adequate for normal operation."

Sam had worked with some odd partners in her life, but after two days she was starting to like the hologram. Unlike McKay, it rarely argued and it easily answered all of her questions. It even made the idea of seeing Elizabeth again half bearable. She ran her hand through her hair and wondered where Jack was. He'd promised to see her as soon as he'd finished dealing with the Wraith darts. It had been almost three weeks since she'd seen him and she'd never realized how hard that was before.

"See my husband down there?" Sam asked the hologram as she reached for her cup of the bitter tea they used as a poor substitute for coffee.

The hologram turned her head and looked but only tilted her head in confusion. "I could conduct a scan for General O'Neil."

Sipping her lukewarm tea, Sam shook her head. "Are you usually on while the city is in operation?"

"I am available to my inhabitants," the hologram reiterated.

"Having fun?' Rodney teased as he poured hot tea in her cup.

"We need one hundred strong copies of the gene or over a thousand weak ones," Sam sighed as she watched the next group of refugees appear in the 'gate room. "You said Carson was started to conduct testing for the gene?"

"Yeah," Rodney's face fell as she mentioned Carson. "Elizabeth had him testing everyone who came from Earth but it wasn't going that well."

"What is--" Sam sighed and shook her head.

"Oh, you remember what we were talking about yesterday?" Rodney started as he sank contentedly into a chair. "About renaming the months?"

Sam smiled a little and stopped typing to look at him. "And?"

"Well, I lined them up by where they used to be according to the international dateline. It's the twenty-first of Scotland," Rodney explained as he swirled his cup. "Carson would have liked that."

Watching his shoulders slump, she left her chair to touch his shoulder. "Are you sure he's dead?"

"I saw him," Rodney murmured as if she hadn't touched him. Sam remembered when that kind of contact would have had him chasing her around the lab. Now he just managed a tired smile. "He came to say goodbye, Carter..."

"...You can say Sam," she interrupted as she wondered how they really intended to feed and clothe everyone. On the planet they'd had some resources, but Rodney had just eaten the last chocolate banana power bar and made the realization that food was limited. With the queen gone, Jack thought she was dead, they had even more refugees looking to them for help. "How do you think Teyla managed to kill him? He was ascended, wasn't he?"

"We don't know anything about the Wraith," Rodney complained as he set his cup down too hard and splashed tea over his hand. "We know they regenerate, but we don't know how. We know they have significant mental abilities, but we don't know why. We don't even understand how that would be accomplished, or how they could have turned Teyla into their queen--" He lifted his hand and wiped it in disgust on his pants.

Sam stopped trying to hand him a handkerchief and smiled behind her hand instead. "We've all lost so much," she offered gently. "Carson might have just saved us the only chance we had of not losing everything."

Rodney sighed and looked through her. It was entirely disconcerting when most people did that, but he usually only did it when he was about to come up with something incredibly amazing. "Do you think she come back? Teyla? She's not just going to give up, is she?"

"The bad guys never do," Sam sighed searching the next group of arrivals for her husband. Instead of Jack, her eyes fixed on the last person she wanted to see.

* * *

Elizabeth closed her eyes as the light from the transport left her body. She didn't want to open them; instead she let her feet feel Atlantis through her worn out boots. She could smell the hint of the ocean and new metal from the repairs. All around her the city thrummed and breathed because it was alive again. 

John slipped his hand into hers and she felt his rifle fall to his side. His other hand snuck around her back and she reached for it and held on until he was wrapped around her. His chin fell to her shoulder and she sighed in relief. It was over. Their long exile was at an end and they were finally home.

"How's it feel?" he whispered as he squeezed her hand.

Elizabeth felt her laugh turn into something resembling a sob in her throat, so she leaned against his chest. Her back complained when she moved and the baby reminded her of its presence with a sharp jab in the direction of John's hands. Her feet ached and she wondered if she'd ever have new boots again. John smelled of gunpowder, blood and sweat but he felt like heaven against her. Slowly opening her eyes, she saw the 'gate looking down at her and felt a rush of warmth through her body.

"Like home," she whispered back before squeezing his hand again and staring at the 'gate. It was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen. It glowed like hope and hung over her like it had been waiting for her to come home.

"If you have a moment," Rodney interrupted them as he hurried down the stairs from control. "There's something, someone, you should meet." He came to a halt in front of Elizabeth and his lips parted in shock. "When did you..."

He was even more surprised when she wrapped her arms around his back and hugged him tightly. John patted his shoulder as Elizabeth released him. His shock made John grin ever so slightly in a way that almost made her believe everything was going to be okay.

"You look good, Rodney," John insisted as he punched his friend in the shoulder.

"I was used to the..." Rodney stopped and mimed a slight roundness to his belly before he brought his hands wider and started to blush "...but you--"

"It's okay," Elizabeth reassured him as she caught his hands. "it surprises me to most of the time."

"But you're okay?" Rodney asked as he looked from one face to the other. "Everything's okay?"

"Oh yeah," John answered as his hand landed on her back. "The kid kicks night and day and she won't give back my pants, but yeah, we're all right."

"I didn't realize the 'kid' kicking you was uncomfortable," Elizabeth teased as she raised an eyebrow at him and let him lead her towards the stairs. "it has to be dreadful."

"Rodney, you have no idea," John continued with a deadpan expression. "It's like being jabbed in the ribs with one of those damn sticks."

Thinking of Teyla made them all stop and Elizabeth noticed the sorrow lingering around the corners of Rodney's eyes. "Rodney--"

"Carson's dead," Rodney admitted without preamble. The word hung for a moment before it shattered on the steps up to the control room. "We rushed through repairs as quickly as we could, hurried back, he was already gone."

"Are you sure?" John asked as his fingers twitched against her back.

"He said goodbye," Rodney uttered miserably as he bit his lip and keep his eyes from giving him away. The shaking of his hands, however slight, told the story of a man trying desperately not to fall apart. "He came and said goodbye."

"We're still here," Elizabeth reminded him and wished she had time to hug him again. "We're all still here and we're going to make it."

"Make it to where?" Rodney asked rhetorically but full of doubt regardless. His forehead tightened and he headed up the stairs towards the control room.

"Just where are we going?" John whispered into her ear, teasing her with the feel of his breath.

"Somewhere safe," Elizabeth answered as her fingers crumpled his sleeve. She shouldn't have let her fear escape, but he patted her hand.

"Business as usual then," John agreed as he helped her negotiate the stairs. "Okay?"

"When we do this again, no Wraith," Elizabeth admitted with a soft smile that made him laugh. "I'm just sore."

"Here?" he asked as his fingers ran along her spine and settled just over her left hip. Pain shot across her back when he pressed into the knot and Elizabeth bit her lip.

"There," she agreed as she tried to keep the wince out of her voice. "Stop--"

John held on, moving his hands to put greater pressure on the knotted muscle. Elizabeth could feel that pain radiate like ice through her whole back. She tried not to make a sound, but she yelped in pain and he held tight when she shivered through it. "There," he offered as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"You couldn't have just--"

"Feels better doesn't it?" John coaxed through a smug grin.

Elizabeth forced her back to straighten as much as she could and let herself smile back. "If I say yes you'll just do it again, won't you?"

John shrugged and turned to face his home. "Anything is possible." Even he had to stop and look over the city with awe.

Elizabeth let him look as she went around the corner. Rodney was waiting impatiently next to Sam, and to her surprise, herself.

"Governor Weir," the shocking likeness of her, who to her jealousy still had her former figure, bowed her head. "Welcome home."

"Elizabeth, this is the holographic representation of Atlantis," Rodney announced cheerfully. "She just happens to look and sound like you. Well, mostly like you."

"I think I miss looking like that," Elizabeth mused as she stared at herself with shorter hair and a perfectly flat stomach. The hologram didn't even have the paleness of her early pregnancy. "Why didn't she appear before?"

"You did not have enough power to access the holographic interface, nor did you request it," Atlantis replied calmly, using the same tone Elizabeth used for her lectures. "I apologize that I was not designed to activate immediately. However, we were able to complete repairs while bringing your people aboard. I am functioning better than I have in ten thousand years."

* * *

Sam felt her throat shut down. She should have kept her eyes on John, looked away from Elizabeth, but she couldn't take her eyes off of Elizabeth's swollen belly. The doctor's face had changed, and everything about her had grown softer. There was a light to her, and it wasn't just spending time on a planet. Elizabeth was glowing from within. Her pregnancy had changed her, made her greater than she had been. 

Sam's stomach was an empty hole as she forced herself to smile. Looking at the hologram as easier than looking at Elizabeth and she tried not to make it obvious that she was avoiding the woman. Her stomach twisted and she tried to shake off the feeling that she was going to throw up. There had to be something she could do away from control.

"I'm sorry," her mouth started without her mind's permission. "I'm going to have to take the hologram and double check the structural integrity fields in the reconstructed pier."

"It's good to see you Sam," Elizabeth, the real Elizabeth, said softly. Her voice full of hope but still gentle with regret. For a deeply painful instant ,Sam met her eyes and realized Elizabeth knew. She knew what was lost and Elizabeth had to stand there and smile at her because it was what a leader did.

Sam felt her eyes sting and that same sting run agonizingly through to the back of her skull. She wasn't going to cry in the control room. "Yeah, same here," Sam managed pathetically as she wished she could just melt away like a hologram into the computer. "Have you seen Jack?"

"He's making sure all the Wraith on the planet are dead," John interjected as he looked at both women in confusion. Out of the corner of her eye, Sam saw his hand tighten on Elizabeth's. Maybe she should just go down to the damn planet. It she was going to have this weakness, Sam abused herself, she should have it in front of the only man who would appreciate it.

"Shouldn't take too long," Elizabeth added softly as her eyes apologized again. Sam wanted to hate her for her pity, but the gentleness in Elizabeth's eyes was only understanding. If their positions were reversed, Sam wondered if Elizabeth would be brave enough to cry.

"Send him down to the pier, will you?" Sam asked with all the composure she could muster. She could almost hear Janet reminding her that it was all right to be human sometimes.

"We will," Elizabeth promised as Sam turned away. Sam could hear movement behind her and she prayed no one would touch her. Her tears were already starting to flow down over her eyelids, and she couldn't handle the thought that anyone was going to see them.

The transporter was a life saver. Sam held it together long enough for the doors to close. The red walls held her and her arms went around her chest as she crumpled. On the floor of the corridor of the deserted South pier, she sobbed her hatred out to the nanites and new glass. The world was saved and everyone was coming home. The Wraith were even temporarily at a standstill.

Above her, the hologram watched impassively and waited for input.

* * *

Daniel woke up with a pounding headache and the familiar smell of much too clean sheets. What was new was the dark head asleep on the shoulder that didn't hurt. He lifted a weak hand to brush Vala's hair and was amused when she continued to sleep. 

"Hey!" The little doctor from Atlantis that he couldn't remember smiled down at him cheerfully. "Look who's awake!"

"What I'd do now?" he asked as he tried to remember her name. Daniel thought he'd been introduced. Her uniform was still clean because she'd spent the last two months in space instead of mucking around with the peasants. There was a name badge on her chest but his glasses weren't on his face. He reached over and fumbled with the bedside table until he found them.

"Took a Wraith energy weapon in the shoulder," the doctor explained with the same cheerful smile. "But you're healing really well. I'm releasing you as soon as she wakes up."

Daniel slipped his glasses over his nose and read that she was Doctor Keller. "How was your trip?" he asked as he tried to feel how damaged his arm really was.

"Kinda dull until we got there," Keller explained as she made a few notes in his electronic chart. "Then we seemed to show up just at the wrong time when the Asgard were dying of genetic failure, but they gave us a bunch of stuff that made Rodney and Sam, I mean, Doctor McKay and Colonel Carter really happy, but at the same time..."

"...wait," Daniel lifted a hand and stopped her. "The Asgard are dying?"

Keller's face fell and she looked down at him with deep sorrow. "They died. There wasn't anything they could do. They just died. All their technology and they just died."

"There, the gods will live at peace with themselves and each other. There will be Brimir, a hall never cold, where plenty of good drinks will be served. And there will be Sindri, an excellent hall made wholly of red gold, on the dark mountains. The souls of the good and virtuous will live in these halls," Daniel quoted from an old poem as he fought the urge to wipe his eyes.

"That's beautiful," Keller murmured as Vala stirred slightly at his voice.

"After the destruction of the Asgard during the Ragnarok, the world will be reborn," Daniel explained as he felt a single tear escape. He let his hand dig into Vala's shoulder as he hugged her to him. "At least, that's what they told humanity, back when they pretended to be gods."

Keller straightened her coat as she stood and checked his chart again. "Maybe that's what's going to happen to us all. Our world's definitely over. Maybe it'll be a better place. A hall never cold with good drinks sounds pretty nice doesn't it?" Smiling down at him, she touched the back of his hand. "When she wakes up, come find me and I'll let you out of here."

"Okay," Daniel agreed as he let his other hand find Vala's on his chest. For all that she was, Vala was beautiful when she slept. All the mischief left her eyes and she was as innocent as his first wife had been. Lifting his head enough to smell her hair, Daniel settled back and tried to picture the Asgard at peace.

Looking down at the woman who would be his wife, he finished the story. "Nastrond in the underworld will be vast: no sunlight will reach it; all its doors will face north; its walls and roof will be made of wattled snakes, with their heads facing inward, spewing so much poison that it runs in rivers in the hall. Here, oath breakers, murderers and philanderers will wade through those rivers forever. Hvergelmir, and Níðhöggr will bedevil the bodies of the dead, sucking blood from them.

But in this new world, misery will no longer exist and gods and men will live together in peace and harmony."

He leaned down to kiss her head and sighed through the pain in his shoulder. "If only it was that easy, right?"

* * *

Elizabeth sank into the chair behind her desk and realized that she could still reach her desk around her belly if she sat up straight. Sighing heavily as she reached for her computer, she heard Jack's laughter as wriggled in her chair. 

He popped his head around the corner and flopped into a chair across from her. "How's it feel to be home?"

"I never thought I'd miss my fake desk in a tent," Elizabeth teased with a curl of her lip. "However, it's not much longer, right?"

"It hurts," Jack warned as he picked up a trinket from her desk. In a place of honor sat a same clay pot. Today the lid was ajar, and when she reached to fix it, he did it instead. "Sara hit me."

Elizabeth tried to laugh. His pouting expression was adorable but she couldn't help worrying there was some truth to it. "I'll try to keep from injuring the good Colonel."

"Just don't hit him in the face," Jack advised as he lifted himself from the chair. "Now, where's my wife?"

"South pier," Elizabeth answered slowly, looking down at her hands before she could finish. "I didn't mean to upset her."

"She's a little sensitive," Jack offered as his hand for her shoulder. "It's not an easy thing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't look at you and John sometimes and feel, well," he touched her chin and then her nose when it was too hard for her to smile. "As old as I am," he teased as he started to go. "I guess I'll be on the south pier if you need me."

"Jack?" It took her longer than she wanted to admit to leave her chair and follow him to the walkway between her office and the control room. Catching his arm and the railing to keep her balance, she watched him grin as she smiled at him. "Try and think of a good day for a wedding."

"You and John are finally..."

Shaking her head, Elizabeth felt her muscles cramp along her stomach. Keeping her eyes on Jack, she waited for it to pass. His smug grin softened, and he gave her his hands.

"...Daniel," she finished with a sigh when the sensation finally passed. "He asked me to marry him and Vala as soon as it could be arranged."

He must have seen the pain in her face, even though she tried to hide it. His hands were firm like John's. Jack led her back to her desk and knelt beside her groaning as he bent his knee. "Guess he doesn't believe in letting his best man know, huh?"

Elizabeth hung onto his hand, relieved that he was there. Jack seemed to look through her as he thought about his friend. She let herself close her eyes and worried again that somehow she wouldn't be able to finish it. She'd been lucky so far; the child and John were both safe. They were home in Atlantis, but something still twitched in the back of her mind.

"You okay?" Jack's question cut through her thoughts.

"My mind wanders more than it did," Elizabeth apologized as she released his hands. "I can't always focus on what I'm doing."

"I think we can forgive you that," Jack offered. His knee creaked as he stood back up. "Maybe you should stay put for a bit. Busy couple days."

"Yeah," Elizabeth wasn't sure she sounded convincing but she tried anyway. "If you see John?"

"I'll send him your way," Jack paused in the doorway and then turned around to bow slightly. "Governor."

Elizabeth forced her mind back to her work. She had two thousand people to feed and house in the city. She had their requirements to put before her own worries and the dizzying sensation in the back of her head. Their stores were pitiful. There was enough food, for now, but their medical supplies were extremely limited. It had already been brought to her attention by Simon that they were lucky the Wraith used energy weapons that cauterized the wounds they created. He'd lost two people because he lacked the right medications to treat blood loss and shock.

They might be all right. They had some of the best minds from Earth. They could learn to make medication. She'd seen Simon work miracles in his laboratory at the hospital. They just needed a break, time to catch their breath and get settled into Atlantis. Maybe they could just hide somewhere, let the people repair themselves as the city had.

"Governor?" Chuck interrupted her thoughts as he entered her office. "Rodney and the science team are in the chair room and they'd like your permission to start running some tests."

Elizabeth ran her fingers in a quick circle around her temples and sighed. "What kind of tests?"

* * *

_the eighteenth of Canada  
one hundred seventy-one days after Earth_

"So how much did you ask for to do this?" Jack teased as he pointed a hunk of bread in the direction of Cameron and Jeannie. "More or less than Daniel and Vala?"

Elizabeth laughed and dropped her head to John's shoulder. "All weddings are free," she answered through her giggles. "General, it's the cleaning up the next day that's the difficult part."

"But, she's out of that," Daniel explained as he pulled his wife a little tighter into his lap. "Something about putting on the wedding means she doesn't have to do dishes."

"Seems fair enough to me," John shrugged and took another long sip of the precious beer they broke out for special occasions. He smacked his lips and realized that a great deal of occasions had been special lately. Elizabeth was even starting to joke that she was going to have to combine couples to avoid having a wedding each and every night. Her head was heavy on his shoulder, but he loved the soft tickling of her hair on his neck.

"You're just saying that because it gets you out of dishes as well," Vala pointed out as she took Daniel's last part of bread and laughed as he tried to steal it back. in the clear area of the pier, away down past all the tables John could just make out Rodney at the edge of the group of dancers.

"So," Cameron started as he arrived out of breath at the end of the table. "My money's on Major Lorne for the next victim." He bounced Madison on his shoulders and looked down at Jack. "You've been right so far, sir."

Jack wrapped his arm around his wife and shrugged. "The night's still young and we have big days ahead of us."

The smiles faded to more seriously looks at the table around him and John knew they were all thinking about Earth. Elizabeth's lips touched his cheek and he appreciated that she was so quick to reassure him. She'd been missing her mother more keenly as her due date approached. Just thinking about that made him take another long drink of beer.

Elizabeth was tired lately and it seemed like he was always crawling in or out of bed with her whenever he wasn't needed anywhere else. Her hand squeezed his thigh and the smile she beamed his way was full of hope. "Jennifer and Chuck went walking on the east pier last night. Out under the stars together."

John just smiled at her proud look before he turned in to kiss her. Her revelation sent the table into a flurry of betting that he happily ignored as he lost himself deeply in the taste of her mouth.

* * *

_the nineteenth of Canada  
one hundred seventy-two days after Earth_

John's head was a little foggy when he stopped by the infirmary as requested. All of Simon's patients from the planet had finally been released and it looked like Simon and Jennifer were starting the tedious task of making sure absolutely everyone had a medical file.

Elizabeth was down in the basement of the West pier preparing the entire level to be expanded into a hydroponics bay. They couldn't count on finding trade partners anymore. Teyla's secondary queens, the daughters she'd had, were scouring the galaxy and leaving more planets entirely bare every day. He'd wanted to be in the conference room, planning tactics with Jack and Ronon but Simon had asked him to come to the infirmary.

He walked in dragging his feet a little. He could ask for something for his headache, but it seemed a little pathetic considering it was self-induced at that party last night. Instead of saying anything, John made his way to the desk and waited. Simon probably just wanted an update on what the military expected from the chief medical officer and he could more than do that.

"Morning John," Simon offered cordially as he appeared around the corner.

John looked up and returned his smile, but he couldn't help disliking the man. It had been months and he still hated under his better judgement. It didn't matter that if Elizabeth had still been with Simon this whole thing would have been a mess none of them could handle. Simon would probably be the one who still occasionally wanted to punch him if Simon was Elizabeth's lover and she carried his, John's baby.

Would Elizabeth have even kept it? Even told him? John's mind raced uncomfortably and he quieted it with the memory of Elizabeth pressed against him in her sleep. She loved him and the rest didn't mean a damn thing.

"Hey Doc," John tried to be friendly. "What can I help you with?"

Simon wiped his hands on his white coat and gestured for John to take a seat in the space that had been Carson's desk. It still felt strange without the Scot pushing everyone genially around and teasing him for the lack of sleep evident in his face.

"I wanted to talk to you about Elizabeth," Simon began with hesitation in his voice. His hands twitched before he forced them over to his computer.

John swallowed around the lump in his throat. "What about her?"

"She's due in less than a month, John. I thought you might have questions." Simon's trepidation faded into genuine concern and John stopped dumbly and stared at him.

"What should I ask?" John babbled weakly. "I haven't thought about it, I mean, I have thought about it, I just haven't had a lot of coherent thoughts about it. More a vague sense of panic."

"It's okay," Simon offered as he turned to the computer system. "I'd be about that far if I were you, I just thought you'd..."

"...Thanks," John finished as he slid his chair a little closer to the screen. "I, really, thanks."

"Elizabeth's stoic," Simon started as he manipulated one of the wireframe images in the Lantian database. "She'll get quiet and just try to deal with it as best she can."

John nodded and watched in fascination as the computer sped through the first nine months of pregnancy and ended with a glowing red form of a child suspended upside down within the green silhouette of the woman.

"She's in good shape, so it'll probably go quickly," Simon continued as he manipulated the image. John tried to remind himself that it wasn't a real woman, certainly not Elizabeth, who was being ripped apart by the red parasite within. "Everything's gone well so far. The baby's lined up."

"Wait," John touched the image and stopped it. "They go backwards?"

Simon smirked slightly and actually chuckled. "Usually, keeps the head from getting stuck on the spine." He tapped his controls and the image changed. "See that? How the back of the skull runs directly along the spine? That would put all her contractions in her back."

"That's when she'll hit me," John murmured and caught Simon smiling at him. "Sorry, I've watched some romantic comedies, and a bunch of horror movies where the baby was born evil and demonic and destroyed the world."

"They aren't really medically accurate," Simon explained gently and for a moment John believed it when Elizabeth said he was a good man. "iI goes a lot slower in real life. Elizabeth might be completely stoic and reserved, or she might slap you around and call you the worse things she can think of."

"In six languages," John pouted as he tried again to picture it. "What's my job?"

"Watch," Simon paused and his eyes softened with empathy. "Hold her hands, keep her walking around as much as possible because you want gravity on your side. I think we'll manage to help you but you have to be prepared for the fact that--"

"Nothing ever goes as planned," John answered without hearing the rest of the question. "So worst case scenario, we're stuck somewhere alone."

"if she can still talk to you, she's okay. If she passes out or there's more blood than there would be after someone broke your nose in the gym, you know there's a problem. If for some reason the cord appears before the baby, you have a problem." Simon paused and looked him dead on. There was none of the posturing that usually fit between them. In that instant, John realized that a man never really got over Elizabeth Weir, but that didn't have to be a bad thing.

"Now, your file says you have some medical training, so I'm going to be completely frank with you," Simon poured both of them a cup of hot tea and pointed John towards the computer. "If you have a problem, this is what you do."

* * *

Jack and Sam were late to the meeting. Ronon noticed because Rodney started to get jumpy. He thought John might have been coming, but the Colonel had to get some last minute medical training. So it had been him and McKay in the conference room for the last twenty minutes as Rodney paced. 

"Doesn't anyone bother to show up on time anymore?" Rodney complained as he stared at his empty plate again. Having a breakfast meeting seemed like a good way to combine two things they all had to go through, but maybe it wasn't the best idea to put it after a wedding celebration.

They should have all just gotten the day off like Mitchell. Ronon was happy for him. Jeannie seemed like the most beautiful and responsible member of the McKay family and he thought they seemed to fit. That was what he'd felt with Melena. Sometimes he felt like that with Teyla, but she was farther away than she'd ever been. When she was a Wraith, he'd at least had the satisfaction of know that he would kill her someday and she'd be at peace.

Now everything said the Wraith were becoming something else.

He looked up from the knife he was sharpening and wondered if he could take Rodney's stray thread off of the shoulder of his shirt without making him squeal. He didn't get a chance to try when Jack and Sam finally arrived.

Jack was clutching his coffee, but he had a self-deprecating smile. Sam still looked like she was running. Running was something he understood, and it was all over her face. She wasn't sleeping. She ate when she could and she constantly looked over her shoulder for the demons behind her. Ronon stared into her eyes for a moment and decided to be the last one out of the meeting.

It wasn't difficult.

Jack and Rodney were so excited to have a chance to play with the vastly improved hyperspace engines that they didn't notice that Ronon stayed in his seat. When Sam stood and started to lift her computer, he tossed the knife past her head. She dodged it instinctually but when she turned on him angrily there was no fire in her eyes.

"What the hell?" Sam spat as furiously as she could manage.

Ronon shrugged. "Just testing you," he left his chair to retrieve the knife from the wall. "Making sure you still wanted to live."

She swung at him. It was a good blow and she probably could have made it hit him if she was paying more attention. Ronon caught her fist and wrapped his other arm solidly around her back.

"I don't know what happened to you," Ronon offered gruffly as he pulled her tighter to his chest. "But, this is your life and you either run from your demons and miss it, or you stand and fight them."

Sam's blue eyes screamed her hatred but he was stronger than her. He might have even been stronger than Teal'c and he held her in an iron hug. "It's none of your business."

"You are important to my friends," Ronon explained in his softest voice as he felt her start to shake in his arms. "Your heart is my business and if they are too close to help you, your demons are my business as well."

Sam struggled and he couldn't make out what she was saying. She tried to bite him and Ronon knew he had won. Sam's breath lost all control and she slammed her head into his chest hard enough that he skipped one of his. Her legs tried to give her enough leverage to escape, but he pushed them into the wall.

There between Atlantis and the giant who held her, Sam let go of the last demons.

* * *

Somewhere above it all, Teyla drifted. It was easier than hyperspace travel. Since she'd fed on Carson, she thought about being somewhere, anywhere, and she appeared. Now her feet hung just above the dead soil of the deserted planet Earth. She'd seen it once in a vision, but this was almost better. If she still breathed, she could have shared the dying air. 

The replicators had taken all the life from the planet and wasted it. Unlike her people who brought all life together, the replicators were wasting life; squandering it on their search for petty resources. Teyla let her hand take form and felt the hot soil beneath her fingertips. Reaching out with her mind she found her daughter's listening for her. Sending them on the search for the Replicators, she prepared to find their parents.

The Ancients knew she existed. They knew she had changed the rules of their little universe when she'd started to feed on the Ascended. Carson and Mab were both mistakes to them and Teyla wondered how they'd feel when she fed on beings they considered genuine.

Drawing on the collected strength of her people, Teyla expanded her thoughts beyond what she knew. The Ori pulsed in her mind like a sickness. Ascended beings who demanded the worship of their followers through fear and intimidation. It disgusted her when she thought of all the Wraith who had willingly gone to death so she could evolve.

Gods did not rule through fear and it was about time the Ori learned that lesson. Teyla would teach them what it really meant to be loved by one's people.

* * *

_the tenth of the United States  
one hundred ninety-three days after Earth_

"The Ori and these new Replicators were both trying to destroy us," Bra'tac began as he stared around him at the glorious city before him. "We could find off the Replicators, but at the rate the Ori converted Jaffa we were lost."

"Then the Ori ceased to come," Teal'c added. "At first we thought they were regrouping, preparing a final assault. But they have simply ceased to come. The prior's ships left orbit of Jaffa worlds and returned through the super gate, which now lies idle in our space. We thought it might be a trick."

"Yes," Bra'tac retook the telling of their story. "We collected a fleet of the bravest Jaffa and dialed their super gate. With our minds contemplating our glorious deaths we flew into their galaxy." He paused and looked across the entire control room at the faces waiting for him to finish. "The Ori are gone. Their people are gone. Their entire galaxy is gone."

"The planets of it have been turned to dust. Entire systems are now nebulae instead," Teal'c finished as he looked at Jack in surprise. "I have never seen that kind of destruction. No weapons of Baal's, man or Jaffa did this."

"It was one woman," Ronon answered the silent question. "If Teyla fed on the Ori, how powerful would she be?"

Daniel removed his glasses. Vala looked like she'd be slapped across the face. Elizabeth looked to Jack for clarification, and Ronon realized that John and Rodney were both out of their league.

"She couldn't," Daniel whispered through whitening lips. "I mean, one person..."

"Hypothetically," Ronon added when he realized the archeologist was starting to understand. "If she could somehow swallow the power of all the Wraith beneath her, could she?"

"Ascension really isn't a how to book," Daniel complained as he put his glasses back on. "It's the next step in evolution for us. It's entirely possible that feeding on planets is the next step in their evolution."

"Okay, so, we just stay topside for awhile," John broke the tension and Ronon saw his hand grab Elizabeth's. "Stay away from any planets the Wraith would be tempted to eat."

"What about the replicators?" Elizabeth asked seriously. "How are your forces holding up against them?"

"With Atlantis and your ships with us, we will certainly defeat them," Bra'tac promised enthusiastically. "It will be a glorious battle."

Elizabeth managed to smile slightly but Ronon knew she was tired of battles. "Are we ready for that?"

Rodney and Sam shared a nod and to everyone's surprise, Sam smiled with real light in her eyes. "The city is operating beautifully. We've managed to enhance the sheilds of the Artemis and the Daedalus with Asgard technology. We're tapping into as much of the genetic resonance of the population as we can so we shouldn't drain our ZPMs much, if at all."

Rodney nodded and started to speak nearly before she was done. "We've managed to have the hologram talk us through a more complete survey of the the weapons systems. I think we can manage to have a few surprises for the Replicators."

"Colonel Sheppard, Colonel Mitchell and Major Lorne, you'll be our flight crew." Jack decided and the discussion became a real battle plan. "This is your dance Sheppard. Cam and Evan are going to be your wingmen and leading the Jaffa fighters, so you lead and they'll keep you from getting your ass shot up by the robots."

"And the civilians?" Elizabeth asked of Catherine Lorne who had taken a place behind her son.

"Are terrified at the prospect," Catherine replied with a trace of joviality. "But they're getting used to it. Atlantis truly is the safest place in the galaxy, wether or not it's in the middle of a battle."

Jack stared Elizabeth down across the table and the lowering of her eyebrow was a warning. "Imprimis isn't up to another assault, but it could be used to an escape vehicle in the final moments. Captain Herriman is going to wait just outside the system and jump in if we give the signal. That kind of distraction should give Atlantis enough time to jump to safety."

"Atlantis will be joining seventeen Ha'tak vessels currently commanded by the last of the Jaffa council," Teal'c explained in a rumbling tone. "It is possible Baal has realized that it is futile to fight this threat alone and joined them by now."

"What Teal'c is saying is that the coward has most certainly decided to hide behind the Jaffa," Bra'tac finished as he looked around the table and the faces he knew and the ones he was just starting to know.

"What about the Lucians?" Cameron looked up from the star chart on the wall and back at Teal'c. "They coming to the party?"

"They're scattered bullies, looking for smaller children to intimidate since Netan was captured," Bra'tac growled his distaste. "They would be of little use if they came."

Elizabeth looked from Jack to Petrov Zelenka, the civilian steward, and when what she saw in their eyes was agreement, she nodded. "We will make preparations and jump the city in two hours. You are all dismissed."

Vala ran to Teal'c to tell him all about the wedding. Daniel blushed but followed proudly as his old friend hugged him. Cameron and Evan were already discussing battle tactics. Ronon caressed his pistol and headed down the corridor towards the marine ready room. If Atlantis was boarded, he would see to it that every last Replicator died a horrible death. He was going to enjoy it.

* * *

John was still up in control, talking to Jack and Cameron as they finalized they're battle plans. Elizabeth relaxed down against the foot of the control chair and waited for him. After he pulled them into hyperspace they'd have a mere ten days of hyperspace travel ahead of them. Almost half the time of the it would have taken the Daedalus. In fact, Atlantis would be able to pull all the ships into their hyperspace wake and the entire fleet would descend as one. 

Elizabeth ran her fingers lazily over the edge of the chair and wondered how that would look. Atlantis bursting out of the sky and all the little ships of their fleet surging out behind her. Bra'tac said the Asuran baseship was still leading the attack. How would John fare against the Asurans in the sky? Would the two ships dance around each other or just fire at each other until their weapons had scorched the skies?

"You picked a strange time to entire this world," she whispered down at her stomach. "It's kind of a mess right now, but most of the time it's so beautiful it takes your breath away." The metal of the chair was warm and Elizabeth remembered John's lesson in how to use it. It was going to be easier to share herself when the baby didn't get in the way but he'd been very patient. With the chaos of the last month, they probably would have just fallen into bed anyway, regardless of the baby.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to picture what the baby was going to look like when John held it. He'd have that smile. The one that made his heart seem entirely transparent. Maybe they'd get lucky and the baby would arrive on the journey back to the Milky Way. They might get a day or so just to be parents before the world came crashing back at them.

She thought she heard something in the hall and got slowly to her feet. Elizabeth looked out across the maze of catwalks and watched the stars spin slowly outside the city. On the monitors inside the chair room, something appeared out of the corner of her eye and she watched in shock as it became a ship.

The Asuran city ship hung like a beautiful jewel in the sky and Elizabeth realized that Atlantis really was as lovely as she thought. The rest of it happened in slow motion. She watched the energy lance doorway. She was inside the chair room when the alarms started to scream. The shockwave of a blast hitting Atlantis threw her forward and nearly off her feet.

The pain from bracing herself on the chair lanced upward through her arms and the shaking of the city continued. Atlantis was still getting fired upon and though she felt the shield go up, Elizabeth didn't feel the city firing back. She reached for her radio, but it had fallen from her ear and was shattered on the floor. The door to the chair room had been sealed by the emergency systems and Elizabeth wondered if there might be empty space on the other side.

She was trapped, sealed in by safety system and unless John got ahold of the transporters on the Daedalus he wasn't going to be joining her anytime soon. The chair stared at her, as if it was waiting for her to take action and save the city. Elizabeth wasn't sure she could do it. The last time she'd been in the chair John had activated it. She didn't have enough of the gene.

The deck rocked again and Elizabeth decided she was less likely to lose her balance if she just sat down. Closing her eyes in a silent prayer she sat in the control chair and pushed it all the way back. Nothing happened. Well, almost nothing, like the jumper the chair flickered for a moment as if it was trying to obey.

Balling her hand into a fist, she slammed it down on the arm of the chair. The one time in this whole mess she actually needed to depend on the virus in her blood, it was failing her.

John wasn't coming. He could have been on his way when the ship was hit. He could be dead right now. Elizabeth shut her eyes and concentrated on the city. There had to be a way to punch through, make the whole damn thing work. If John was still alive, he wasn't going to survive the beating they were taking from the Asurans. None of them were going to live through that.

"Elizabeth?" The voice in the room was familiar.

She lifted her head and felt her stomach twist painfully in shock. "Teyla," her own voice was a prayer and a curse. It had been months since she'd seen the woman who had been her friend. In those months Teyla had becoming a glowing creature, part Wraith, part human and part goddess herself. Her hair floated above her shoulders, as if it wasn't bound by gravity any longer.

"Are you going to kill me?" she asked when the pain in her stomach let her speak again. Elizabeth could already feel the virus lancing through her system with the familiar sensation of fire. Her skin started to sweat and she could feel the beads on her forehead.

"I love you," Teyla whispered and her words reverberated through the room. "I loved Carson. I loved Michael and I will love you Elizabeth."

Elizabeth put up her hands as Teyla reached for her, but Teyla's mind was like a glorious tempest of power. Teyla leaned down, her hand poised just over Elizabeth's chest for a moment.

Elizabeth's life was summed up sensations. She felt a wet nose touch her hand and beg to be petted. She smelled her parents cooking dinner in the kitchen. She heard John's voice in her head. John's selfless, stubborn declaration of the love that had sank into her soul and refused to let go. Finally, she tasted fear and sickly sweetness of vomit in the moment Carson had told her she was pregnant.

She wasn't ready to die.

Teyla's lips touched her forehead and something exploded in her mind. Searing pain shot through every part of her body, from bones to skin and Elizabeth felt her throat grow raw from screaming she didn't hear.

"But, you must live first," Teyla's command cut through the delirium she was losing herself to.

Elizabeth pushed the chair back and sank into the cool computer systems of the city. Atlantis welcomed her with quiet joy and everything opened before her. She didn't know what Teyla had done and she forgot to care. Strengthening the shields, Elizabeth reached for the weapons systems and lashed out as hard as she could. One of the Asuran cruisers exploded immediately and she felt the Daedalus sneak behind her protection.

She felt like a child being asked to fire a gun, but she did the best she could. John said flying was instinct, feeling rather than thinking. Her whole life, Elizabeth had depended on her mind to save her. Now she had to put it aside.

She wanted to live.

She wanted to see John hold their baby; see the galaxies finally at peace after all these millennia of war.

More energy raged out from Atlantis, scathing the Asuran city ship and weakening their shields. They danced and she let her heart lead the city. She put John in her heart and felt him in her thoughts. She pulled the city into a dive that strained the internal dampeners and surprised the Asuran pilot enough that she managed to take out an entire section of their shields.

She felt the Asuran weapons fire on her shields, but she ignored it. Her shields were stronger. Much stronger than anything the Asurans had. Elizabeth felt invulnerable as a star. She turned the city in space, looking down over the Asuran's towers and balconies as she rained destruction down on them.

They were losing. Even with the element of surprise, the Asurans cruisers were falling to the Jaffa, the Hera, Artemis and Daedalus. Elation flooded her body, and for a moment Elizabeth remembered she was just a woman. Pain stabbed into her back and she remembered something else.

* * *

"She doesn't have enough of the gene, she can't be doing this," John nearly screamed at Rodney as they watched the Asurans cruisers blink out one by one. 

"Well something's happening and she's the only person down there," Rodney snapped as his fingers flew over his controls. "The city's drawing more power than I've ever seen. Look at this, we're past what we should even be able to theoretically draw from a ZPM."

"What does that mean about Elizabeth?" John demanded as he ignored Rodney's readings. "Can you beam me down there? Can you get the either ship with a transporter to beam me down there?"

The control room was nearly deserted. Everyone was still preparing for a jump to hyperspace, and then the hull breaches had put the city into protective mode. Bulkheads were down everywhere. Jack was still on the Artemis saying goodbye. He hadn't seen Ronon. The whole city was a mess and Elizabeth was kicking the replicators to the other side of the galaxy.

"They're retreating!" Rodney's voice shattered his musing. "John, John look at that! They're actually retreating!"

"Just beam me down there," John nudged him aside and hit the comm controls himself. "Artemis?"

"You're not flying?" Sam's shocked voice replied. "I thought for sure that would be you, hot shot."

"I need you to beam me down there, Atlantis has-" John didn't get to finish when Rodney cut in.

"We're in full medical lockdown," Rodney realized suddenly. "It's not the bulkheads, there's a contaminant. A virus--"

"Sam, please," John begged.

* * *

"Beginning transport," Sam offered without waiting for anything else. If the virus was atmospheric, Elizabeth had to be... "Jack, we're going to need to help them out," Sam turned to her husband at the helm and ruffled her hair thoughtfully. "Put Walter in charge. I'm beaming to Atlantis."

* * *


	31. eternal

_the tenth of the United States (later the eleventh)  
one hundred ninety-three days after Earth_

The brilliant white light of the transporter faded into the brown walls of the chair room. The door was shut tight and the lights beside it glowed blue in the darkness. The emergency lights weren't very bright as he turned towards the chair. The same alarm, the contamination warning, blasted through the room. John's eyes searched desperately for the figure he knew had to be there and missed the white silhouette off to his left.

His stomach was cold, tight and wound into a dangerous knot of concern. Elizabeth's eyes were closed as he took the first step towards the chair. Her forehead was tight with concentration and a white light lit the sweat on her face until it glistened. The light should have been blue, John's mind insisted stubbornly. There wasn't any white light in the control room.

He ignored his thoughts and grabbed Elizabeth's wrist. Her pulse was steady beneath his fingers and though her skin was hot to the touch, she seemed to be all right. John couldn't decide how best to pull her out of the navigation of the city without shocking her too badly. He didn't even know how she had done it. She'd been only able to work it with his help last time and nothing had changed since then. Looking over the swell of her belly, John wondered if the baby was involved.

Something white moved at the edge of his vision and he whipped his head around. Teyla smiled at him as she started to appear out of a cloud of white. The white took on a green tinge, like new grass emerging from the ground, and coalesced into her body. The marks of the wraith were still on her face, but her eyes were human and soft. She shook out her hair and it floated behind her head, as if it was made of something no longer affected by gravity.

"Busy night," Teyla promised and her voice seemed to reverberate into his chest. The terrible, screaming alarm faded away and all he heard was her voice.

John dropped Elizabeth's wrist and drew his weapon. He felt the safety snap and the hammer click into readiness as the cold steel started to warm in his hands.

Teyla waved her hand softly and the air shimmered around her. "You don't need it," she promised. "I've already eaten." When she smiled again, John saw the pointed teeth and felt fear run cold down his spine.

Keeping his pistol level with her eyes, John swallowed back the feeling of nausea. Whatever she was, she wasn't the woman he'd known. She was a creature. An incredibly powerful being that posed a threat to those he most needed to protect.

Teyla's eyes cut into him and he forgot about the dark, black hue of her tongue. She took a step towards him and the light from her skin started to sear his eyes. His heart beat once and he felt understanding come with the rush of blood to his brain. Her lips started to smile again and he felt his conviction waver even though the pistol was a rock in his hands.

"Still in there after all?" John asked as he watched her move closer. What was the smell? Why didn't he know what is was?

Teyla moved faster than his eyes could process and his gun flew from his grip. John's hands were still stinging as she grabbed him and pulled his head down to her forehead.

Suddenly, his hands stopped stinging. He stopped feeling the ache of too many sleepless nights in his limbs. The bruises that hadn't yet gone purple from his abrupt meeting with the deck during the attack, faded from his arms. John held Teyla against him, feeling her breath beneath his hands and wondering if the voices teasing him were her thoughts.

"Not quite," Teyla whispered with soft amusement. She released him and touched his face in blessing. "You are strong, John Sheppard, strong enough for what is to come. Never doubt that."

He opened his mouth and closed it feebly. She knew what he wanted to say, even if he didn't.

"I have the Asurans to attend to," Teyla explained as she started to brighten. The light was almost golden as it surrounded her.

Elizabeth's sigh was almost too soft to count as a sound, but John heard it. He felt her pain sear through him.

Teyla touched his arm and her patience radiated through her skin. "This is your place," she whispered to ears that no longer heard her. "You are exactly where you need to be."

The light took her, but John didn't see her go. The alarm came back, lancing through is skull as he tried to listen to Elizabeth. The blue light of the chair was starting to flicker. Was she losing control of the city?

He grabbed her wrists and lowered himself over her legs. When he leaned forward, John felt himself begin to sweat. Something was wrong with the vents in the chair room. The air was starting to thicken. He dropped his head to just over her shoulder and her cheek brushed damply against his own.

The blue flash took him and enveloped his mind. Atlantis welcomed him in like an old friend. Elizabeth was just out of reach. He could feel her crouching, confused and trying to hold on to the controls. Her mind was searching for something, a protocol she didn't know, and she was growing more desperate.

"I can't find it," she murmured to herself without feeling him with her. "I know it's here. I know. I know--"

John reached around her and pulled up the navigational calculations for the jump into hyperspace. He tried to tell her it was all right, that this was what she wanted. He couldn't speak and work the computer at the same time, but he felt the tension ease as she noticed him.

Elizabeth sighed and let him take control as the panic slipped from her mind. The feeling of impending destruction faded and John could almost feel the city quiet. The subroutines she'd accidently activated shut down and everything prepared for the jump. He reached out with communications and felt the Artemis computer respond immediately. Hoping the Daedalus and the Hera could follow Carter's ship and pull in close enough for the jump, John turned his attention to Elizabeth.

He had to guide her out of the systems, get her free without hurting her. He started feeling Atlantis fill with energy as the great city punched out of normal space. Elizabeth relaxed, knowing they were safe. She quieted and started to listen to him, but abruptly she was out of the systems entirely as if she'd been pulled bodily away.

John spent a precious second feeling for her in the city and then locked Atlantis on course. Dumping himself out as quickly as he could, John tried to calm his racing heart. Had she passed out? Had something else happened?

Elizabeth's arms were wrapped around his shoulders and her fingers dug into his skin. Her face was still pressed against his and he could feel her lips move as she spoke. "Something's happening," she gasped into his neck. "John, I- I don't know--"

He hushed her and lifted himself from her body. For a second, he remembered the first time he'd been over her watching her fight to stay conscious through the pain in her leg. She'd been pregnant then. The baby had already been there between them, connecting them with a fragile line of flesh before they'd known how entangled they were.

John stroked her hair as he stood up. "The city's in lockdown but Rodney will figure it out..."

"...No," Elizabeth interrupted as she struggled for breath. It took her eyes a moment to lock onto his. "Yes," she corrected. "Virus. Teyla did something. Changed something. The virus--"

There was light in her green eyes. Power, richness, and life poured from that light. It was Teyla's light. Her strength glowing within Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth was right and Teyla had changed something deep within her.

Elizabeth shuddered and bit her lip. Her hands dropped from John's shoulders and found her belly. When his hands followed, he felt what was darkening her eyes with pain. The muscles were contracting, tightening around their baby. His breath caught in surprise and he wondered why they didn't have more time.

Simon's voice echoed up from his memories. "Babies are not born when it is convenient or easy."

Birth.

The idea rattled through his head like a bullet confronting a barrier of tissue paper. His thoughts were shredded and scattered to the wind as Elizabeth's muscles to relax.

Fear gave way to surprise as Elizabeth kissed him. Her lips were soft and wet from her tongue. He could taste a hint of metal and wondered how hard she had bitten her lip a moment ago.

Her lips moved outward, dancing across his cheek. "I think it's coming," Elizabeth whispered with the kind of surety that shook him down to his feet. "I couldn't get into the city. I couldn't fight the Asurans and I didn't know where you were. Then Teyla was here and she..." Elizabeth licked her lips and tried to think. "...Teyla touched me and I was in. I was in Atlantis...God, John, it was so beautiful."

"You're all right," he tried to calm her weakly wondering if he shouldn't just believe. "You did good. You scared them off, turned the city upright like a frisbee."

Elizabeth started to smile at him and his fear started to stop screaming with the alarm in his ears.

"I'm not letting you get a big head and start thinking you're a pilot or anything..." John teased and felt her take his hand. "We're all right. The Asurans are gone for the moment and we're in hyperspace. Remind me to give you some serious flight lessons when this is over. In a jumper, mind you, no more of this skipping straight to flying giant cities..."

Elizabeth's breath caught and her smile disappeared. Her eyes widened in shock and her hand went iron and hard against his. Her other hand dug into his upper arm and she bit back a shocked sound. John felt her pain jolt through her hands like an electric shock.

"We're okay?" she fumbled with the words as she tried to keep herself breathing.

"Everything's fine," John insisted as solidly as he could. "No one even really got hurt and they can't fire on us until we drop out of hyperspace."

Elizabeth's voice was pitched higher than normal. "How long can we stay in hyperspace?"

"It'll be at least ten days to get where we're going," John promised as he watched in bizarre fascination as her muscles went taunt beneath her damp, black t-shirt.

She released him and squirmed in the chair. Something was wrong with her back and she was trying vainly to get comfortable. When the contraction, that had to be it, started to fade, Elizabeth started to laugh. Her surprise echoed off the walls of the tiny room as the alarm was finally silenced.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted as the hysterical giggling kept her from looking at him. "This hurts like hell, John, and I've been paying so little attention when Simon talks that I haven't a clue what's happening to me. It's like the emergency meeting in the Balkans, when I forgot to study my notes--"

He found her back with his hands and guided her slowly to her feet. John smiled in quiet response to her laughing, but kept her close to him. "We'll get out of here," he hoped softly as he realized how difficult it might end up being. That thought burrowed into the lining of his stomach and stayed there like a parasite. "Rodney will figure something out."

Elizabeth cupped his cheek but shook her head slowly. "This virus, whatever it is, was a bomb waiting to go off. It won't be quick or easy, even for Rodney, to figure it out."

She was certain and though he knew she was right, John still shook his head. "Rodney's actually a genius, no matter what I tell him," he admitted as he got a better grip on her back and helped her down from the dais. "I did my homework," he promised as an answer to her underlying worry. "I think we'd be okay if we got stuck here for awhile."

Rocking back and forth slightly, Elizabeth seemed to be dealing with something pulling at her back. John knew that look of concentration. "My mother never talked about the night I was born. I guess she was proper," her voice softened as her eyes started to moisten. "My father just said he couldn't believe I was so beautiful the moment he saw me."

"It'll be a good story," he reassured her as he lifted her out of the past with a kiss on her cheek. "Mom fighting back the replicators moments before going into--"

They both stopped and left the last word remain unsaid.

"I don't think I'm ready," Elizabeth admitted to the silence in the smallest voice he'd heard her use.

"God," John shook his head and kissed temple for strength. "I'm not. Maybe together we'll, you know, figure it out somehow."

"You're here," she whispered back as her fingers squeezed his. "You're here and it's all going to be fine."

"I'd wish Carson, Keller," John struggled and then admitted, "or Simon was here instead of me."

"Good thing you aren't me then isn't it?" Elizabeth retorted mysteriously. Her eyebrows started to tighten a moment before she winced. She clung to him and braced her hand against the wall as she tried to find a way to cope. "I thought," she panted and her tone dropped in frustration. "I thought this was supposed to hurt in front."

Sneaking his hand around, he started to push on her spine. When Elizabeth gasped, he knew he'd hit the right spot. John wracked his brain for everything else he should have been remembering and made sure she was stable on her feet. She fought through it, making less noise than he probably would have if it hurt as much as Simon said it did.

"Six minutes," John said softly as he lowered his watch. Her eyes glinted with surprise.

"Didn't realize you were timing," Elizabeth groaned and slammed her hand against the wall in frustration.

"I'm stealthy," John offered playfully as he forced himself to smile. "Maybe you should sit."

"No," Elizabeth answered shaking her head as she lifted her eyes from the floor. "Walk with me while I can."

He obeyed and gave her his right hand as his left went solidly around her back. They didn't have far to go and John started to count the circles they made around the chair.

After the second, Elizabeth stopped and started to move his hand. "Something's weird," she acknowledged as she tried to think. "Tight, strange--"

"Painful weird?" John prompted as he studied her face. "Dangerous weird?"

"Tight," Elizabeth struggled and finally sighed in frustration. "I can't explain it." She took a step and then stopped short. "Can anyone get in here?"

John shook his head. The lights on the wall were still flashing in emergency mode, and though the alarm was silenced he knew the city was still locked down. "No, the city won't let them."

"Take off my boots," she demanded in a stronger tone than he expected. John smirked a little as he knelt in front of her. It was still hot in the chair room and he could feel himself sweating in his jacket. He removed it and tosses it onto the chair before he started the laces of her boots.

"You might want to sit," he suggested when they were loose. "I don't know how good your balance is right now."

Elizabeth obliged and sank to the floor against the wall. Her eyes started to tear up as soon as she left her feet and the next contraction lanced through her body. This time he felt her stiffen and heard the cry she bit back sharply.

Instinctually, John dragged her back to her feet and crushed her between him and the wall. Her breathing started to ease and he felt her collapse against him as it began to ebb.

"It's like a knife in my spine," she whispered when she had breath. Elizabeth's hands dug into his back and she held on. "Every single time."

"Keep your hands on my shoulders," John coached as he knelt down again. Somehow, fumbling in the weak lighting, he managed to free her feet from her boots. Elizabeth's toes moved for a moment and she smiled when he stood up. "Can you stand on your own for a while?"

"Yes," Elizabeth decided as she watched him. John's eyes were on her the entire time as he ripped off his own boots. He couldn't risk stepping on her feet. He couldn't take that chance and she was right, it was damn hot in the chair room and his socks were damp with sweat.

"Water?" he asked as he got to his feet again.

Elizabeth stared at him blankly, as if she didn't recognize the word.

"Water. Amniotic whatever," he remembered as he caught her around the hips. "It's tight here because your water hasn't broken yet."

Her eyes lit with agreement. "I should have realized."

"As long as it's not painful tight," John assured her as he reached for the buttons on her pants. "These are my pants," he pouted and pretended to be shocked. Elizabeth managed to giggle and he stopped to stare at the beauty in her face. "This okay?" he asked and she nodded.

"Not like you haven't been in there before," she remarked lightly as his fingers slipped inside her panties.

"It was different when I still wore them as my pants," John retorted and kissed her chin. "Although, I've been in yours."

"That's something I'd like to see," Elizabeth purred and turned his gentle kiss into something more passionate.

John reached in, fumbling in the wetness. Something bulged against his fingers and he pushed up to feel for the baby. All he felt was liquid, like he was pressing against a balloon. Elizabeth moaned when his wrist brushed something sensitive and her fingers were suddenly very tight in the muscles of his shoulders. Sex was the last thing he should be thinking about, but John could tell she was struggling with the same confusion.

"I think it needs to break," John decided as he pulled his hand free. He wiped it dry on the inside of his shirt only after he was sure there was no blood in the fluid on his fingers.

"Take them off," Elizabeth pleaded as she leaned against the wall. "I might have to wear them," she started to explain. "I'd rather they weren't soaking wet."

John felt himself chuckle as he reached for her hips again. "Practical," he noted as her hips suddenly stiffened. The joking ended as the contraction hit her with a vengeance. Elizabeth fought so hard against her pain that he heard her teeth grind beside his head. His hand dropped to her spine and he dug his knuckles in as hard as he could. He wasn't ready for this. It was one thing to listen to Simon try and explain how difficult it was going to be. It was something else entirely to have Elizabeth Weir, the indestructible, indomitable Elizabeth, sob into his shoulder.

John pressed inward, trying to brace her against the pain in her back. She was heavy against his chest, but she was clinging to him. Trusting him to keep her standing as she lost control, he was more hers than he'd ever been. She had him so wrapped up that his heart wanted to beat with hers and as much as it terrified him, John wouldn't trade it for the galaxy.

"Dammit," Elizabeth complained finally as he wiped tears from her eyes. "Seems real, doesn't it?"

"Hold still and I'll get your pants off," John ordered and wondered how much of an understatement 'damn' was. Could he do it? he wondered as he slipped the pants she'd stolen from him off her hips. Fluid was already starting to trickle down the inside of her thighs and it wouldn't be long until her water broke.

"Maybe it'll hurt less," Elizabeth supposed for both of them. "After the water's gone."

John left her for a moment and left her pants with her boots. It was too hot to worry about her being cold. The city was hotter than he remembered it being, almost as if the city itself had been afflicted with the virus. He could activate the chair and check. Maybe somewhere there was protocol that could unlock the doors and let him bring her to the infirmary but he didn't risk leaving her. She shouldn't have to drag herself through any of this without him.

"Warm enough?" he asked even as he realized it was a stupid question. Elizabeth's hand was slippery as she grabbed him for support.

She blinked slowly and rubbed her forehead before she took his other hand. "It's warm enough."

John checked his watch and waited for her grip to tighten on his hands. Elizabeth closed her eyes again kept them shut for a long moment. "I'm glad you're here," she murmured without looking at him. "You've been great John."

"Not dismissing me now are you?" he teased as he watched the numbers pass four minutes on his watch. Elizabeth started to crumpled and he seared the seconds into his mind. Five seconds became twenty, then fifty as Elizabeth grappled stoically with the pain in her back. It took her almost that long to open her eyes.

Tears had escaped her lashes and flowed freely down her cheek before she dropped her head to his chest. "I might never let you go," she whispered as she found the strength to smile.

"Want to walk?" John offered as he searched the room with his eyes. He had a knife in his jacket. It was clean and he could probably find something to sterilize it. The first aid kit was on the wall, neat and military with it's red cross on the front. There was another box next to it; one of the blue ones Elizabeth had insisted be in each room people might be trapped in after the storm had wrecked the city.

She nodded and let him guide her. Her feet were slow and John kept checking the floor the for blood. Her feet had gotten swollen in the last few weeks and he couldn't help thinking how unlike her they seemed. Everything about Elizabeth was neat and controlled; her feet should have behaved accordingly. When their steps finally brought them to the box he stopped and knelt. "Hang on," he promised as he reached for the water inside.

"John?" her voice was a plea and he flew to his feet. He should have had another minute but she was already starting to fold at the waist. John debated for a second and then pushed her back against the wall. He might have been too rough, but her breathing lost the panicked edge once the pressure was on her spine. Her hands were fists on his chest but she stayed with him.

"Sixty-one seconds," John whispered as she finally started melt. His brain was turning it all to numbers and making it something he could quantify. "Too hard?"

"I think you can push harder," Elizabeth replied as she shook her head. Her fingers were slow to release from the balls she'd turned them into. "It helps."

"Okay," John filed it away in his head as he tried not to worry. Her water still hadn't broken and it only seemed to be making things harder. He wondered if he was supposed to do something but he wasn't a doctor. People who weren't doctors delivered babies sometimes. Hell, all the time on television, and Teyla said they'd be fine.

With Teyla, John didn't even know where to start thinking about that her. She'd been through something he'd never understand but he wanted to trust her. She was part of his team, even if she'd become a creature. She knew more than she'd said, but she'd always been that way. Teyla was calm in a way he didn't understand, like Elizabeth usually was, and he wished she was here to help him.

He stole away and freed the bottled water from the case on the floor. Holding it up as he waited for Elizabeth to drink, he ran his hand over the side of her belly. John forced himself to be calm; be Teyla so Elizabeth would have no cause to fear. She managed to swallow some of the water, but her body contracted before she was ready.

Without the time to brace herself, Elizabeth cried out from shock and pain. John pushed her back against the wall, trying to angle her body so all the pressure he could bring to bear was against her spine. One hand clawed along the wall until she found his arm and dug her hand into his flesh.

He listened as her cry faded into a groan that she bit back. He moved his hand down her belly and felt through the muscles for the hardness of the baby. John thought he had it, but it seemed too far up. Was the head down? He thought the head was supposed to be down, but he wasn't sure if he could tell the which end was the head.

Elizabeth squirmed and her grip grew even tighter. When her panting didn't end with the contraction, John waited for the pressure to break. Something had to snap, he could feel it in the air in the room. Silently praying the membrane would give in, he lowered his hands to her hips and tried to keep her upright. When he pushed her back, she suddenly gasped.

Elizabeth's eyes widened again, and the whites seemed too large to be human She held her cry back for a moment but he felt the fluid on his feet first. John had to keep himself from jumping back as it ran down her legs in a sudden flood. To his relief the fluid puddling around their feet was clear and Elizabeth was already starting to come back.

"Better?" John asked as her eyes started to focus again.

"Thanks for getting me out of my boots," she sighed and licked her lips. "I only have one pair."

"What about the weird?" he pressed trying not to sound too concerned.

"Better," Elizabeth replied with a weak nod. Her hands stayed on his shoulders as he bent for the water bottle. This time she managed to get a few swallows and smiled softly as he wiped her mouth. "This would be kind of fun, under different circumstances, don't you think?"

John gave her a look and couldn't believe she raised an eyebrow at him. "It was never one of my fantasizes," he teased as if he was surprised she even thought that way. "I thought we'd be in a jumper."

"Pilot to the end?" Elizabeth wondered as she wiggled her toes in the fluid on her feet. "I used to think about it, sometimes, when I was in my office way too late at night." She shook herself away from the wall and took a shaky step. "I, um, well, I kinda had a crush on you a couple years back."

Chuckling as he made sure she wasn't going to slip on the floor, John lead her around. "After Kolya?" he guessed trying to keep the conversation light.

"No," she sighed and he felt her start to laugh with him. "It was when you came back during the siege. I didn't realize how damn heroic you were until then," Elizabeth stole a moment to kiss his cheek and John wondered if she knew he was blushing.

"Never thought you'd want to be saved," John replied with honest surprise as his voice dropped. He checked her legs again, nearly neurotic in his worry. There wasn't any blood and she seemed to have perked up a little.

"Even Phd's need a white knight now and then," Elizabeth teased as she tensed preemptively for the next contraction.

John fell silent and listened to her breath. She wasted so much energy trying to hold this back her pain. "I'm the only one who can hear you," he whispered as he dug his fists into her back. "It's just you and me, and you don't have to impress me. We're a little past that."

Something that might have been a scream became a sob and she shuddered in his arms. She didn't breath until he shook her shoulders and the gasping that followed barely filled her lungs. "You're okay," he repeated as a mantra. "You're okay."

Elizabeth's legs buckled a little and without him she would have sank to the floor. John kept her up. John kept her solid between him and the wall; making her steady when she needed to stay on her feet.

"It's different," she gasped when the contraction ended. "It hurts more now," she stammered as her fingers tore at his shirt sleeve.

John wondered if she wanted him to lie and say it was going to be all right. He didn't have to say anything because she knew it was going to get worse before it got better. She only had three minutes in between now and her legs were getting shakier.

"Eighty-three seconds," John answered when her eyes fell on his watch.

"Remind me never to drink off-world again," she complained when he took her away from the wall.

"Walk with me," he insisted against her reticence. "It'll go faster if you keep walking." The hope that it would be over got her to take a step and John's mind went to the rubbing alcohol in the first aid kit. He could sterilize his knife. He needed string as well, but he could use his boot lace if he had too. Elizabeth shook him off and took a few steps on her own, but as soon as he took a step towards the first aid kit she reached for him.

He was a slave to her hands moving his where she needed them and holding on when her fingers tightened. Elizabeth was bound to her breath, fighting it when agony took her and clinging to it when it faded. John wondered what the baby felt within her and he found himself taking a sentimental moment to wish he could tell it to be patient.

"Life's not going to be easy," John whispered down to her belly when Elizabeth clung to him and started to cry. "Sometimes it really sucks," he continued as he watched a foot move beneath her skin. "But Elizabeth...your mom and are going to be here and we'll get through it because that's what we do. We get through things."

Elizabeth was fading out again and John found a trickle of blood when he ran his hand up her thigh. It was slow, browning blood but it still sent a new wave of cold through his body. He wiped it on his pants before Elizabeth saw it and kissed her forehead when she didn't open her eyes.

There was blood on her lips and he caught it with his thumb. "You hang on," he reminded her slowly. "You're gonna get through this," he promised as he waited for her eyes to open. "You're tougher than this."

Elizabeth shuddered and it shook her to the core. She slipped and he guided her down when her legs went out. For a minute, she struggled with something she wouldn't share with him. In that time, John felt her belly. The hard lump of the baby was closer to the surface and he thought he had found a shoulder by her left side. His t-shirt had finally torn and a loose thread stuck to the skin of his arm.

Her hair was drenched in sweat and it clung to her neck as if it had been glued there. John ran his hands over her forehead anyway. Kissing her skin before he left her for the water bottle and the alcohol. It only took him a minute to wash his knife, and his fingers shook as he left it out on his jacket. He had the water in his hands when she screamed.

Elizabeth tried to fight it, but the sound tore out of her throat like a beast with a life of it's own. He fell to his knees at her side and lifted her head. Her eyes were screwed shut, but she took a trembling breath. When he touched her, something eased.

"John?" she whispered through lips that were bloody again. "Where are you?"

He held her face and ran his thumbs beneath her eyes as he slid them down her cheek her eyes opened. Elizabeth was worn, more than she'd admit and it took her precious time to focus on his face. He watched her eyes swim and shift until she finally found his face.

"I'm here," he promised as he waited for her to see. "Right here."

Her hands crept up his arms and covered his. Elizabeth's eyes sharpened finally and her lips twitched. "There you are."

"Trust me," he began it as a question, but it quickly became a promise. "I'm going to check. See if I feel anything, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured as her fingers trailed back down his hands. "I don't have a lot of time."

"I'll be quick," John assured her as he parted her legs.

Elizabeth let him lay her back on the floor and he held her face as long as he dared. "I have to sit up before--"

"I know," he soothed and gave her his left hand to hold. He wasn't usually between a woman's legs, especially this woman, without thinking about sleeping with them. John felt along her thigh and up after the trail of blood. It was still brown, so he reminded himself not to worry. The light was awful and though her body was angry, it didn't seem that different to his eyes. His fingers slipped within her and John realized how much had changed. His entire hand fit inside of her and she moaned in surprise.

"We're okay," he promised gently as he tried to distract her. "Just trying to make sure it's a head, not feet that's trying to go first." John couldn't help raising his eyebrows in surprise. His fingers found the hard, round curve of something wet. He thought he felt hair.

Elizabeth's body closed in tight around him and she started to pull away, trying to escape the pain in her back. He brought himself back from his astonishment and pulled her up. Pain wracked her body and she fought him as he dragged her up. John took a fist to the chest before she gave in and let him hold her. He rocked slowly trying to keep her from getting lost again.

"Stay with me," he insisted as he waited for her to breathe through it.

Elizabeth couldn't stop gasping; couldn't fight the way her chest was too tight. "Make it stop," she begged through clenched teeth. "Just make it stop."

"Hang on," John coaxed and watched the seconds drag by on his watch. He didn't have time to be afraid or really contemplate the fact that he'd touched his child with his bloody, slimy hand. "Almost there," he promised as the numbers ticked past ninety seconds.

When the agony faded from her body, she returned. Elizabeth hugged him and tried to stay on her feet. Before she could speak, John found her eyes and put his hands a few inches apart.

"It's coming," he explained with naked surprise. "Shouldn't be long."

"How long has it been?" Elizabeth nearly choked on the sentence and he hurried to get the water bottle in the break between. Water bubbled down her lips, but she drank gratefully.

"A while," John answered cryptically. He thought Rodney would have found them, saved them by now. Something had to be wrong. No one had even tried to make radio contact.

He didn't have time to think about the control room. He had just gotten the cap back when the contraction hit her. Elizabeth's voice was raw this time and she'd gotten past the point where she'd the strength left to fight it. Letting her cry of pain stab through him, John let her brace against the wall as he dug both fists into her back. That helped and she quieted, but she was starting to change.

Elizabeth's scream faded and became primal. She grabbed his hand and brought it to her pelvis. The hard knot of bone he'd felt from within was resting just over the bones of her hips. Her sound was deep and alien, like the grieving of a creature far from human. She pushed him, forcing them both down.

John knelt as she squatted against the wall. Her back was straight again and beneath the bright agony in her eyes, Elizabeth was stone. The granite he knew, the immobile leader, could make it through this pain. Whatever had gotten her through the nanites, the replicators and the invasion of her blood by ascended beings was ready to stand firm.

Her head dropped and her hands held him as her anchor.

"Guess we're pushing now," John answered his own question. She panted her way through the pathetic space between contractions and groaned her way through the beginning of the next one. Her voice rose as it started to peak and she started to struggle with her panties.

John started to remove them as the contraction left her. Elizabeth wasn't looking at him. He wasn't even sure if she could see, but she led with her fingers. Her panties flew over her hips and fell to the floor. John pulled them aside as the next contraction crawled on the heels of the last. She raised her head and screamed towards the ceiling. It reverberated and filled the room.

More blood, fresher this time, dotted the floor between her feet and John shoved fear away. Her fingers were talons as they dug into her shoulders. Speech was too much for her and she only babbled when he spoke to her. His hands could feel her hips shift. His heart heard the terrible, unrelenting agony in the screams he couldn't listen to. The bones were being wrenched apart, torn from their places as something foreign forged its way through.

Blood was smeared on her white legs and his tan hands. John felt his heart skip a beat when he held the crown of his child's skull in his palm. Elizabeth's hand drew blood from him as she ripped it across his back. She put everything she had into the push. It didn't matter that Elizabeth had never been taught, her body pushed. When the scream became a wail, John kissed her. His hands waited beneath her, wet with the fluids of her body, and he kissed her.

She kissed him like he was the last man on Earth and it pounded in his head that he loved her. Beyond a shadow, beyond the darkest corner of space, he loved her and that was all they needed. His lips moved against hers and he said everything he couldn't put into words.

The head slipped and the fragile weight of it filled his hands. John stared down in disbelief and saw the face of their child. It was facing him, its hard head had ridden all the way down her spine through the whole labor. His fingers wiped mucus reverently from the tiny eyes and nose. Elizabeth screamed her way through a shoulder, and he extracted the other when she was shaking with sobs. Light filled his hands and poured from her body until they were both a single being brimming with that light.

It was over. Elizabeth was crying into his neck and he was holding a wet, purple thing. John stared at it and waited for it to move. The cord ran from its belly to disappear up within her, but it was free. He cradled the baby in his left arm and reached for his knife.

He needed something to wrap the baby in. He couldn't tie or cut with one hand. John pulled his jacket over with shaking fingers and laid it down. As he looked it over, he realized it was female. She had toes and fingers and eyes that open when he ran questing fingers over her face. She met his eyes and his heart was forever changed. It didn't matter that he'd failed. It didn't matter how many times he'd beaten back the enemy, he wasn't just John Sheppard, he was a father.

"You're crying," Elizabeth ventured in a whisper as she dropped to the floor next to his jacket. "Is it?"

"She's fine," John stumbled over his tongue and tore his eyes away from the deep blue eyes of his daughter. "God, Elizabeth, she's a she--"

instead of a wail, their daughter's first sound was a gasp for air that changed their universe. In the blue light of the walls, her skin went from purple to pink and she began to breath. John's hands shook as he tied the cord with two tight knots. They were steady as he lifted the knife.

Once she was free, he lifted her from the floor.

Elizabeth wavered slightly, but with his help she sat against the wall. Her belly still twitched and tightened as her body released the placenta that had fed the little girl in her arms for so long. John released his daughter into Elizabeth's arms and helped her fight with her bra. The breasts he loved, the ones that had swelled so painfully in the early months, finally had their use.

His daughter ignored the nipple, at first preferring to wrap tiny lips around his finger, but after a minute she started to nurse.

Elizabeth's eyebrows tightened and she tried to deal with the sensation. She reached for him and caught a tear on his cheek. When his hand covered hers, she started to smile.

"There you are," she murmured as she looked down at their daughter and up at him. "Both of you."

Kissing her tasted sweeter than it ever had and John settled down beside her. When Elizabeth put her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped a hand around their daughter within his jacket, he was full. His heart was bursting in his chest and he had never felt more loved. This was where he was most meant to be. Here, with his family, he learned to truly fly.


	32. city of light

_the tenth of the United States_

_one hundred ninety-three days after Earth_

"...No, no, would you just stop already?" Rodney turned his head up to the alarm and frowned deeply. "I know there's a problem. There's no reason you need to keep yelling at me."

"I don't think Atlantis is listening McKay," Sam answered dryly as she slid into the control panel next to him. "You're in lockdown?"

"Yes," Rodney snapped without looking up. "I'd think that would be fairly obvious. Although why absolutely everyone had to run off and do 'one last thing' and leave me here by myself is beyond me..."

"...what's the source of the contamination?" Sam interrupted without listening to his tirade. Jack watched her tuck a piece of stray blonde hair behind her ear and wondered if she was just going to let it keep growing.

"Chair room," Rodney answered without losing his place. "Of course it would be me who gets stuck here, no one would leave if it were Elizabeth or Chuck up here."

"Elizabeth?" Jack asked Sam as he leaned over her shoulder. "She had a virus of some kind, didn't she? Something Daniel got?"

Sam's face was tight with concentration and she barely looked up. "That was the opening act, I'm afraid. This is the real thing. Look at this McKay, in the areas directly connected to the chair room the virus is already spreading through the quarantine."

"That's not possible!" Rodney sputtered as he pushed the general out of his way. "It shouldn't be. Atlantis uses sub-micron filters for our air supply. Nothing gets through."

"Something got through, Rodney," Sam corrected as she pointed at the red areas on the diagram of the city. Whatever this is, it's already spreading through the civilian areas and moving towards crew quarters."

"Well who's in the chair room? Who started this mess?" Rodney slid back to his chair and started answering his own questions. He mouthed something and sighed heavily as the realization hit him. "Elizabeth's down there. That's why John made you beam him out of here." He rubbed his forehead and stared at Sam. "We're not equipped to deal with an epidemic."

"I can't do this from here," Sam muttered as she hit her hands against the edge of the controls in disgust. "I need medical equipment."

"Why don't you just beam yourself down there?" Rodney retorted as he fought with the computer. The friendly hologram was nowhere to be found and Atlantis was not in the mood to be fussed with.

"I hate to interrupt you two geniuses," Jack interjected sarcastically. "We appear to be entering hyperspace." He looked out the windows of the 'gate room and nodded to himself. "There we go."

"That has to be John," Sam talked to herself as she tried to finesse the computer into letting her through. "Hyperspace is a complex system, she wouldn't be able to stumble onto that."

Jack started to realize what she was saying. He'd been in a chair. Admittedly, he hadn't flown Atlantis; he touched her shoulder to get her attention. "Elizabeth was flying the city?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense," Sam answered and acknowledge him with a quick twist of her head. "Elizabeth was the only one in the chair room. She knows we're in trouble. Somehow, I'm thinking it has to be the virus, her condition advanced enough that she could control the city."

"But she's not a pilot," Jack interrupted with a whistle of respect. "Not bad for a diplomat, huh?"

"We probably would have been killed if we were fighting the Goa'uld or someone with any creativity," Sam replied with little confidence. "You saw the way she was flying. Amatuer, impulsive, completely reckless."

"When my ass is still alive I just say 'thank you', Carter and move on," Jack replied gruffly as he looked out the window. "Certainly prettier on this ship."

Nether scientist looked up, both of them were too immersed in what they were doing. He wandered over the unused navigation console and called up their course. Someone had been in a hurry when they set it, he knew that from the projection and the way they'd let the computer do the work of getting them around the obstacles. Jack could probably shave off at least part of a day if he got get into the system. He thought about it for a moment and blinked when the course obediently updated itself.

Wondering if he was seeing things, Jack put his hands on the console and thought hard about sensor readings. The sensors immediately told him that they were securely in hyperspace, and three smaller ships were in the wake along with them. Trying to shake off the strangeness of it, he started to open a channel to check in with the other ships. He stopped using his fingers when he realized he could do most of it with his mind.

"Caldwell?" Jack tried incredulously. "You doing okay over there?"

"Yes sir," Colonel Caldwell replied cooly without the surprise Jack had expected. "We would have missed the window, but Atlantis sent out a data burst of some kind that directed us right in."

"Good," Jack shook his head and tried to sound like he knew exactly what was going on. "We're having a bit of a problem over here, but we'll be in touch. O'Neill out." He looked over his shoulder and watched Sam and Rodney arguing about something. Deciding at least his wife looked like she had a little color in her cheeks, he contacted Teal'c's ship.

"Big guy, how are things over there?" Jack asked as he started to get the hang of thinking his way through the systems. "Everyone okay?"

"We are fine, General O'Neill," Teal'c's gruff certainty was exactly what he needed to hear. "We are making repairs and will be more than ready to fight when we arrive."

"We'll be here," Jack replied with a little bit of a smile. Of course Teal'c would be completely unperturbed by the entire experience and ready to fight again. Sometimes he missed the good old days when it was just him and his team. Before he'd had to deal with mysterious, mystical viruses and post-apocalyptic space battles.

He started to contact Walter on the Artemis and decided he did like the space battles, if not the post-apocalyptic part. "Walter, everything better be perfect on my wife's ship."

He could almost hear the technician snapping to attention. "Yes, sir, we're making repairs, sir. I can have a progress report..."

"...I'll trust you. Just keep a lid on things over there. Stay close."

"We can't get further away while in hyper--" Walter stopped and caught himself. "Yes, sir."

"That's a good sergeant," Jack looked at the console and wondered if he had other powers. The alarm stopped and he felt a pulsing ache in his skull go with it. Daniel might have an idea what was going on. Provided Daniel was even bothering to wear his wireless radio anymore that he was married and had better things to do.

* * *

Daniel had his hands full. He knew very little about viruses, beside what he'd learned running from or trying to cure them in the SGC. Doctor Keller shook her head and sank down against the wall next to him. She hadn't been exposed to the virus before like he had and just like the unconscious woman in his arms, the good doctor was fading quickly.

Vala touched his elbow and pointed him towards one of the tables in the mess hall. "It's not perfect--" she offered and he understood her meaning.

Daniel lay the unconscious psychiatrist on one of the diagnostic beds and looked back towards Doctor Keller. At first, he'd thought he was lucky to be sitting in on the preparatory meeting for the medical staff during some kind of outbreak. At first it seemed like a good place to be, but, it was quickly turning out differently than he'd thought. Kate Heightmeyer had been closest to the air vent and gotten the largest dose of whatever the contagion was before the city had screamed into lockdown. She'd only had a few minutes of fractured consciousness before she'd fallen into a fevered sleep.

Simon checked Keller's pulse before lifting her up. He nodded to Daniel and followed him over to set her down on a bed near Kate. "We've all had this before," Simon voiced as he thought aloud. "This isn't anything like what we were exposed too."

"Maybe it's a vaccine," Vala offered as she picked up an abandoned lunch tray and rescued a pastry from the floor.

"Not in the traditional sense," Daniel corrected as he started to see her point. "Is that possible?"

Simon lowered his head just above Jennifer Keller's chest and listened to the slow sound of her breathing. He tilted his head up towards Daniel. "Maybe the difference is type of virus. When we were exposed it was a contact virus and we all experienced epidermal symptoms. This is definately airborne."

"Which would be why the city sealed us in," Vala explained as if it were painfully obvious. "To keep the virus from spreading."

"I'm afraid I don't know much about the city," Simon replied politely as he started to roll up Kate's sleeve. "If I designed a quarantine protocol it would lock us down as soon as it detected a virus, it's probably not advanced enough to know this is a non-lethal virus."

He didn't add that this strain might have been lethal but Daniel knew they were all thinking it. "Are you going to need help? Daniel asked as he searched the infirmary for a computer terminal. "Vala likes to play nurse."

"Only for you darling," she retorted as she perched on the edge of a bed. Daniel only had to look over for a moment before she sighed and gave in. "Suppose it's better than being bored."

"That's the spirit," Simon offered gratefully as he pointed to his tray of tools. "Hand me an orange tube, a needle with a purple band around the handle, and that piece of tubing."

Vala put her pastry down and washed her hands before reaching for Simon's tools. "This should be exciting," she offered sardonically as she settled down to watch Simon work.

Daniel knew he should have paid more attention to Sam when she talked about computers. Yes, he could easily turn one on and perform most functions back on Earth, but here, unless the computer came out and told him what to do, he was a little lost. He supposed he had a lot of time to learn as he studied the file menu.

* * *

Teyla dropped back into human form and tried to ignore the tingling sensation that went with it. She needed them to trust her and she didn't know these new people from Earth. Rodney might have trusted her eventually, but he wasn't the kind of person she needed.

Ronon turned around and had his gun firmly on the side of her head before she had even finished forming her feet. "I'm going to kill you."

Teyla smiled and felt his quiet hatred seethe inside of him. "I knew you would," she replied softly as she turned to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry it became this way."

"You wiped out planets," Ronon confronted her with the same calm. "You became Wraith."

Feeling tears start down her face, Teyla lost herself in the ordered silence of his mind. "I became more."

"You killed Carson," Ronon reminded her as his hand tightened on the trigger of his gun. He pulled the trigger, but his gun was already out of his hand. No one moved faster than he could see, at least no one had before.

"Carson showed me," Teyla lifted her hand and held it just above his chest. His eyes pleaded with her and she saw the naked hatred in his face. He would die before he let her feed on him. She tilted her head and pulled his head down to kiss him, as she'd meant to once a lifetime ago. "You will understand."

Her hand slammed into his chest like a hit from an energy weapon. Ronon shuddered and fell backwards but something kept him on his feet. He expected to die. He expected to feel his life fading from his limbs as his vision began to disappear entirely.

Instead, he only felt Teyla. She was within and around him and she was in the heart of his thoughts. He hadn't been intimate since Melena and he felt Teyla go through those memories. His body shook with a thousand sensations at once and the sheer force of Teyla's mind was all that kept him from being overwhelmed.

He was beloved. He was safe and loved by his family. His mind was quiet and calm. His body was nothing more than an extension of the whole. He was a part of the greatness of being and his body was just a unit among many. He had a purpose and a greater plan. The plan was unfolding all around him and everything he did was part of the plan. He was invincible because he was one of the multitude and the many would never die.

Teyla was his breath and the blood in his veins. She was the beginning and ending of all life. All were born from the queen and in death they all returned home to be used again.

As a child, he'd been told the Wraith ate their dead. That they were vile creatures so terrible they ate their own kind.

Now his body insisted that eating the dead was his sacred right. The dead were part of the whole, part of the many, and they needed to come home. Teyla laughed and he felt himself begin to laugh with her.

_He should be fighting her._

_They were on the same side._

Ronon stopped; his body screaming in pain as he thought about breaking the connection. Leaving Teyla was like cutting out his heart and he wasn't strong enough to do it. He found his reserve, what lay beneath and had not been weakened by the Wraith energy pounding through his being. He reached for that.

Teyla found his power and let it wash over her like waves breaking on the rocks. His incredible rush of strength was useless because she was immobile. Unmoving, and forever untouched by everything around her. In her heart sat a knot of calm, like the eye of the universal storm.

All around her, Ronon could feel people. Rodney was frustrated and getting angrier as time passed. Lorne was worried because the virus was spreading. John was caught up in something greater than he was and he was barely starting to comprehend. Elizabeth--

Ronon lowered his eyes and met Teyla's dead on. What had been brown and deep were now glowing golden and completely endless.

"Now you understand."

* * *

"Viral pathology is not something we studied while I was working towards my PhD in theoretical physics," Rodney complained bitterly as he drummed his fingers along the desk. "Not that I'm a complete amateur, mind you, but this is entirely out of my jurisdiction."

"Then cut through the quarantine," Sam cut back as she ran her hand angrily through her hair. "Whatever you decide to do, stop complaining about it and just do it." She bit her lip for a moment and resisted the urge to cross her fingers. With a little luck, she might just be able to get the computer to give her what she needed.

Tapping a few keys on a laptop, she watched again as Kate Heightmeyer and Jennifer Keller collapsed nearly instantly in the security video while Daniel and Vala appeared to be fine. Every report Jack was collecting from the frightened civilians only said the same thing. People near doors or vent when the alarms had started were trapped in fevered dreams.

"Doctor Wallace," she started as she nervously bounced her foot on the floor. "Have you been able to isolate the virus from their blood samples?"

"I've run it twice," Simon sighed heavily through the commlink. "Either this virus is completely impossible to detect or it has already become integrated into their biochemistry."

"That shouldn't be..." she started to protest his results.

"...It's not possible," Simon finished for her and she could hear the defeat in his voice. "Both patients are stable but they're running high fevers and expending enormous amounts of metabolic energy."

"Something's happening; we just don't know what it is." Sam replied impatiently as she pushed herself out of her chair. "Are there other medics or scientists in with the general population who might have different results?"

"Our medical staff is dangerously small," Simon's voice carried more defeat through the radio. "Most of them were treating those injured in the attack. We've been in contact but the condition always presents identical symptoms. High fever, delirium and an immediate unconsciousness. I think the coma is an attempt to protect the brain from possible damage."

"So a virus that vanishes as soon as it enters the blood stream causes a high enough fever to make the subject unconscious?" Sam paced behind Jack and Rodney. "Doesn't seem like much of a survival tactic."

"It could be a leftover biological weapon," Jack pointed out as he took a sip of water from his cup. "Some kind of fluke of genetic engineering created by a crazy ascended woman who's going to kill us all in some version of a colossal bad joke."

"That would be our luck wouldn't it?" Rodney muttered almost more to his console than to anyone else as he tried to dig his way through dark alleys of Ancient code. "We survive the destruction of our home planet only to be cut down in our prime by the Ancient version of the ebola virus gone wild."

"I prefer the only things going wild to be on dvd," Jack offered sarcastically as he peered over Rodney's shoulder.

Sam tried to tune them out as a thought started to form in her mind. The ebola virus caused a fever when the body tried to fight it off. There was no reason this virus had to behave that way. There was no biological reason for the fever and that fact suddenly sparked her thoughts as if it had bit her. "The fever isn't part of the condition," she realized as she stopped and stared through the glass at Elizabeth's empty desk. "It's just a side effect."

Jack stopped pacing and waited with his eyes on her face, as if he was waiting for permission to celebrate.

Simon was silent and then Sam thought she could hear the gears of his mind click into place. "The virus is already rewriting their genetics. Instead of testing for pathogens I should be testing for ATA."

Shaking her head as she watched her husband start to smile a little in relief, Sam felt something cold settle into her stomach. She returned to her laptop and rushed through the rest of the security feeds from the city. Far below the tower, in the depths of the city, Elizabeth clung to John and tried to keep herself on her feet. Even without sound, the pain on her face was obvious. She was still in the early stages, but she was definitely in labor.

Jack's hand on her shoulder made her jump away from the console slightly. "They okay?"

"They're together," Sam answered as she left her laptop and put John and Elizabeth behind her.

All the resentment she could muster didn't change how his hand felt on her shoulder. The warmth of his touch, even through her shirt, made her stomach jump.

"Carter--"

"Later," was all she allowed herself to say. "Simon, Elizabeth's in labor."

"Probably what set off the virus," Simon agreed from the infirmary. "Though I still can't figure out why it suddenly became airborne."

Sam watched his research appear on the screen in the control room. The virus hung quietly, suspended like a web of light on the screen. "Does it have any effect on someone with the Ancient gene?"

Simon called up a piece of DNA and she heard him sigh through the radio. "This thing is so advanced I might be able to guess how it works years from now. It's mutated, even evolved since our limited exposure to it on Ceol. I can't even begin to fathom how that happened."

"There was an energy surge in the chair room," Rodney interrupted as he took over the screen with a new diagram. A white pulse of light flashed for a moment in the heart of the city. "Didn't seem important at first."

"Elizabeth must have done something," Simon thought aloud as he paced across the infirmary. "She doesn't have the gene strongly enough to fly the city. At least, she didn't three days ago."

"Elizabeth can't make a pulse of energy like that," Rodney pointed out as he reached for his nearly empty water cup. "I don't care what kind of virus she has. It's completely impossible."

"So something else was in that room?" Jack asked as he leaned back against the wall. "One of you geniuses want to tell me who it was?"

break

Ronon opened his eyes into the blackness of space. Tensing as he waited for his body to fail, he couldn't help noticing the beauty of the void in front of him. His hands moved freely and he could feel the emptiness welcoming his presence. Teyla's mind urged him to turn, to see what she needed him to see.

At first he tried to use his muscles, but as he struggled Ronon's mind quieted. Instead of moving his arms and turning himself in space, he simply thought about turning.

The Jaffa fleet came into view first. Somewhere in this system, a sun illuminated the mighty hu'tac vessels with flashes of red and gold. They waited in formation, facing down the invading force and glistening like jewels in the velvet of space.

As Ronon continued to turn, the Asuran vessels filled the horizon. The Jaffa fleet was large, one of the greatest he'd seen, but the Asuran vessels were a cloud of silver. The horde was still growing. Flashing blue as they dropped from hyperspace, small warships continued to join the fleet.

"This cannot be allowed," Teyla's voice rang in his mind as if it was his own thought. "They wait only for their city ship, then they will rain darkness over all worlds."

"Why don't you stop them?" he demanded as he felt the uneasiness of the Jaffa soldiers. They would die and they knew it. They would stand nobly and without thought of retreat, but they stand just long enough to be destroyed.

"What good am I?" Teyla answered softly as she brought him back to Atlantis. "I am Wraith. I am not human or one of the ancestors."

Ronon flexed a hand that was grey-green beneath his brown skin. His nails had already become black and he could feel the humans all around him. He could sense their life force and feel it calling to him. For his whole life he'd ran from the Wraith. He'd fought them when he could, but it always ended in running. His tongue ran over razor teeth and he lifted his hand to her chest.

His palm could feel the life inside of her. Teyla drew him like a beacon and he ached to touch her. Ronon felt the growl surface in his chest. Hunger as he'd never felt it was part of him now. Hunger was in every beat of his heart and each breath was in wanting.

Teyla stroked the back of his hand with a talon and hunger faded into love. She was the warmth and light of the universe. He fed to add to her glory; to become one with her strength. He was hungry because he loved her. "To the ancestors we were unexpected."

"An accident," Ronon agreed as he reached for her face. Touching her enhanced his senses and he could feel his friends burn with life in the city around him. Zelenka was frustrated and impatient. Lorne was quiet but simmering beneath his exterior.

John was purely terrified.

Emotion was part of life and it each feeling had a taste. Frustration was bitter and tingled his nose. He could smell it; feel all of it run through him as if he were standing in a great river. Experience, feeling, memory- all of the prey were part of the predator. The Wraith were not just the eaters of souls, but the collection of worlds. Within Teyla and him by extension, were the minds of billions and their lives were part of the whole. The chorus of many within him burned like a sun in the void of space.

The Asurans had no life. They were tasteless, metallic and dull. There was no emotion, no spark of life to add to the oneness. The Wraith had a place. Their accidental evolution was part of the whole of the universe. They reclaimed life. Recycled what was into what would be new. Teyla was the reservoir; the queen and the mother.

The Ancestors had not understood. Like their human children, they had struggled against their fate and created the abomination that called themselves Asurans. The universe had fallen out of order and needed to be remade.

Teyla's eyes were closed and when he lowered his forehead to hers, Ronon shared what she felt. The air of Atlantis was ripening. Something was changing and he could feel his mouth begin to water. New life was stirring and his friends, his beloved friends, would be greater. They were not ready for the oneness and he accepted that his path would be different.

"All begins," Teyla whispered as she shared her strength. "They will come to understand."

First they would change.

* * *

Sam zipped herself into the haz-mat suit and felt herself start to sweat. "Let's make this quick," she said into her radio as she met Daniel's eyes through the plastic. "How long did it take you to get up here?"

"Forty-five minutes too long," Daniel sighed into his radio as he nodded to Jack and Rodney. "They going to be okay together?"

"Rodney's afraid of him," Sam assured her friend as she waved to her husband. Jack moved his chin and his eyes were steadfast. Jack knew she'd work it out; he was just waiting for the moment she did. She concentrated on moving her feet in the bulk suit and fell into step behind Daniel.

"Too many cracks about scientists?" he asked lightly as they made their way through a blue-tinted corridor.

"He can be quite charming," Sam muttered sarcastically as she waved her hand in front of a door and waited for it to open. "At least, that's what I'm told."

They walked for a while in silence and Sam relaxed into the swishing and crackling of their suits. After a while, Daniel let her lead and she left him to his thoughts. Jack would never have agreed if she'd told him what she was planning. He would have even kept her forcibly in the control room and out of the infirmary, but she had to know.

"Do you think Elizabeth's going to be all right?" Daniel broke the silence and Sam was glad he couldn't see her face.

"John's with her," she replied curtly through the radio once she was sure her voice was level. "We can't really spare Simon or any of the medics. Having a baby isn't that complicated."

"Unless something goes wrong," Daniel reminded her with a quiet strength in his voice.

"I'm not sure what he told you," Sam began without trying to hide her hostility. "This has nothing to do with Elizabeth. This is about making the most of our available resources."

"The virus isn't life-threatening," he reminded her softly as he reached for her arm.

Sam pulled hers quickly out of reach as she pretended she was working with the door. "Unless something goes wrong," she retorted quickly as she started to walk a little faster. "I feel for them."

"I know," Daniel agreed gently and she was glad she couldn't see his face through the slightly foggy faceplate.

"Her vital signs were strong," Sam justified as she stared down at her map of the city. Trying to avoid populated areas and still make it quickly to the infirmary was more difficult than she thought. "Jack knows we have to manage our resources."

"Doesn't stop him from watching the video feed," Daniel reminded her as he drew close enough for her to see his eyes. "It could have easily been the other way," he added patiently. "Elizabeth's not a saint."

"None of us are," Sam murmured into her radio before she sighed and met his gaze. "I think the virus had something to do with why Jack and I." she swallowed before she finished speaking, "I don't have the gene. I've been reading Queen Mab and Doctor Beckett's notes. Fetuses without LK-476, ATA, abort on Ceol. She programmed it into the population that they need it to come to term."

"No one else has gotten pregnant since Earth was destroyed," Daniel realized as they started down another flight of stairs. "We're using hope as birth control and no one else has gotten pregnant."

Sam stopped walking and stared at her feet until her heart stopped pounding. "There's something about this--" she waved a hand at the soft lights of the city below the catwalk they were on and shook her head. "It's bigger than we are."

"Almost makes saving the world seem easy by comparison doesn't it?" he wondered rhetorically as he kept walking. "Building a new one is a whole new struggle."

"I was thinking about retiring," Sam admitted as she choose the left hand corridor. "Maybe going private sector? Teaching at a university?"

"I wanted to come here," Daniel admitted sheepishly. "I could spend a lifetime here."

"You couldn't have wished to win the lottery or something?" Sam teased as she took them down another turn. "Maybe just to keep your hair?"

"This is where it began," he explained as he fumbled with his suit. "Life, our life began here before it came to Earth. This city was living millions of years ago."

"Now it's just stumbling in the dark," Sam reminded him bitterly wishing they understood more of the systems.

"We all start out in the dark," Daniel replied sagely. "We all flail and scream until we find our way."

"Nothing really gets to you, does it?" Sam asked, somewhere between cheerful and annoyed, as they finally saw the door to the infirmary.

"We don't have any coffee," Daniel answered with great sorrow. "And it's going to be almost a year before we can harvest it hydroponically."

"What's the line for a cup look like?"Sam wondered as she ripped off her face shield and took a deep breath.

"Like a line for the fountain of youth," he replied with a wink as he flopped into a chair and started tugging himself out of the suit. "I traded the two cups of Jello I still had from the Odyssey to move up to twelfth."

Shaking her head as she peeled the suit from her legs, Sam grinned at him. "Vala didn't come up with something better?"

"She's second," Daniel admitted as he blushed slightly. "I don't really want to touch that."

"It wasn't illegal," Vala teased as she threw herself into his lap. "At least, not under our current system," she corrected as she kissed his sweaty cheek. "He's still working."

Sam nodded to Vala and rushed to the microscope across the room by Simon. She had work to do.

* * *

Sam held the gauze over the vein in her arm as Simon added her blood to his equipment and rubbed his eyes.

"How long have you suspected?" Simon asked softly as he pulled himself up to the microscope.

"I've been sure for three weeks," Sam admitted as she bent her arm experimentally. "I--" she stopped and shook herself before she finished speaking. "Kinda thought I'd lose it again."

Simon sighed empathetically and nodded towards the computer. "The fetal cells in your blood should be enough to show wether or not the fetus has the gene," he assured her as he waited for the computer. "I don't have to tell you, we don't know this is deadly. Jenn and Kate are still unconscious. If they don't start to show signs of improvement soon I'll have to set up an intravenous feeding process for everyone with the virus."

"Death by virus and death in another Asuran attack are pretty much the same," Sam answered darkly as she waited behind his chair. Her hands were shaking and she crossed her arms tightly over her chest to hide it. She'd known she was pregnant again, but she couldn't watch Jack's hopes be destroyed. Without ATA, she would have failed again; letting him down wasn't something she could handle.

"How much of a dose do you intend to give yourself?" Simon asked as he tightened his forehead in concern. "You and your fetus are both negative for the gene." He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "This could kill the fetus."

Sam squared her shoulders and reached for the blood samples from Kate Heightmeyer. "How much can you replicate? Twice her dose?"

Simon inhaled sharply. "I'm not sure I can let you do that."

Sam wiped her sweating palms on her uniform pants and nodded to the doctor. "i'll let you monitor me," she decided as watched worry darken his eyes. "it's not impossible that this virus is actually the next step in our evolution. We all need this gene to run this city and keep ourselves alive or everything we are, everything we lost on Earth, isn't going to mean anything anymore."

Simon closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "Four times Kate's dose is the highest I'd go."

Sam set the vial in the medical computer and began to synthesize the virus. Her hands were starting to settle and her heart was slow now that she was face to face with her plan. She rested her hands on the controls and set it for six times the count in Kate's blood. Jack would just have to forgive her.

* * *

John wiped his eyes with the side of his hand again and finally gave up. Elizabeth sat up weakly and tried to balance the baby against her chest. John's hands steadied the newborn's head near Elizabeth's breast and she watched in awe as the tiny red lips closed around her nipple.

Her little gasp of surprise made John chuckle, even though he still had tears in his eyes. "They're not really going to be the same, are they?" he teased as he stroked the back of his daughter's dark head.

"It's the strangest feeling," Elizabeth admitted as she beamed down at her daughter. "She's strong."

"She's like you," John murmured as his hand found Elizabeth's cheek. "You're beautiful."

Elizabeth started to laugh and winced as pain lanced through her stomach muscles. "I probably," she paused looking up from the baby and into his eyes. Smiling as she read his expression, she reached for his hand on her cheek. "I definitely look like hell."

"You're not looking right," John insisted as he moved to sit next to her. He yawned as he continued to stare at his daughter in awe. "She seemed smaller an hour ago."

"Not to me," Elizabeth sighed, exhausted, but she started to laugh softly when she noticed John's finger trapped inside their daughter's hand. "She's got you already," she murmured as she tried to change position. Her hand was starting to fall asleep and once she thought about that, her body hurt almost everywhere. Even her feet were sore.

John took the baby from her carefully as if he were lifting a bomb out of a casing. He held her in his outstretched hands for a moment before he realized Elizabeth wasn't immediately taking her back. As he cradled his new daughter to his chest, he watched as Elizabeth drug herself to her feet. She had to cling to the wall for balance; her knees were shaky but she drew herself up.

A few tentative steps brought her to the pile of her clothing on the edge of the chair platform. Elizabeth bit back a moan as she reached for her bra, but she was moving.

"Back to work all ready?" John wondered as she carefully pulled her bra back on over her swollen breasts.

"At some point..." Elizabeth paused and waited for the room to stop moving around her before she tried to put on her panties. "...they're going to come looking for us."

"Best not to be naked in front of Rodney?" John teased as he tried to decide if she wanted help.

Elizabeth waved him off as he started to stand. "I'm okay," she promised as she stepped into her black panties. "Just feel like someone ripped something out of me."

"I'm sure she feels bad," he offered on their daughter's behalf. Grinning foolishly as he watched the baby's lips move, John looked up as Elizabeth sank to the floor to start with her pants. "What's her name?"

"God," Elizabeth stopped and looked up sadly. "We didn't even--" She bit her lip as she buttoned up her pants. They already looked looser over the flattened swell of her belly and he couldn't help wondering how long it would be before she gave them back.

"I like Hanna," John volunteered as he started to stand. The baby complained in a bleat of sound as he jostled her and Elizabeth's heart melted when he started to rock back and forth.

She tried to name on her tongue and dropped her hands to her hips. Elizabeth could feel the dried sweat in her hair when it swung in front of her face. She wanted desperately to shower. There was dried blood and fluid on her legs and her pants felt strange against her skin.

"Hanna," Elizabeth repeated as he made his way to her side. She started to her feet but caught herself suddenly when more pain reminded her what she'd just been through.

John slipped the baby into his left arm and offered his right hand to help her up. Elizabeth looked up and he caught the surprise in her eyes. "I think I got it," John insisted shyly as he shook his hand towards her. "Neither of you are that heavy."

She barely let him have any of her weight, but just having him to hang on to helped. Elizabeth took a second to catch her breath before she left him to cling to the arm of the control chair. "Been doing research?"

"Rodney told me," John admitted sheepishly looking around the room. The emergency lights were still flashing blue. "I thought maybe 'Carson' if it was a boy, but she's not..." He lifted his daughter a little higher and touched her reddish cheek. "She kinda looks like a Hanna. I didn't know your mother--"

Elizabeth rubbed her eyes angrily and chuckled bitterly when he pulled her hands away. Letting her tears run freely down her face still felt awkward, more so than being naked a moment ago. "She'd like that," she finished for him as she bit her lip. "She'd be so excited to be a grandmother. Never really gave up hoping. Even when I ran off with the United Nations, I think she'd wait for me to make a mistake. Hope I'd come home pregnant one day, just so she couldn't have a grandchild."

Her daughter moved in John's arms and she saw the red fist over the gray of his jacket. Her eyes stung more as her tears flowed faster. The shaking terror she'd held in long enough to give birth rushed back. Maybe she was just too tired to hold it in anymore, but she couldn't stop.

John's chest let her forget about being strong. "Where is she?" Elizabeth asked suddenly when she felt both of his hands on her back. She lifted her head in immediate panic and John indicated the chair with his chin.

"Figure she'll end up there someday," John supposed as he tired to remember when he used to get a good night's sleep. "We can call her something else. I like a lot of girls names."

"No, no," Elizabeth whispered as she dropped her head back to his chest. Crying hurt her stomach almost as much as laughing but she had to get it out before it festered. "I- God- John--"

"I'd still like a little Carson," John teased as he found a part of her forehead to kiss. "Maybe another girl too."

Licking her lips made her almost able to speak again. Elizabeth wiped her face on his shirt and tried to imagine them with more than one child. The only thing that came into her mind was an image of John swarmed with children as he tried to feed them.

Elizabeth pulled herself away from him and decided she was better off of her quivering legs. Resting her head against his leg, she put her hands over her aching belly and tried to remember not being pregnant. "You think we'll be all right?"

"We make attractive babies," John pointed out as he sank down between her and the control chair. "I think she's going to look like you."

"Maybe a little more organized next time?" she begged softly smiling when he grinned.

"You were amazing, Elizabeth," he murmured as he rested his head on the edge of the chair and stared down at Hanna. He'd expected her to cry more. John almost laughed when he realized she'd only been in the world a few hours and he was already dumbfounded by her. Maybe she was a quiet baby or she was just waiting until he and Elizabeth tried to go to sleep to cry.

"I was terrified," Elizabeth broke the silence and snuggled closer into his arm. "I can't believe you were so calm."

John's hand found hers and held it close against her chest. "I wasn't," he replied ruefully. "You were just a little preoccupied."

"So that's how it was?" she teased and kissed the back of his hand. He hugged her close for a moment before he slipped down to the floor. When he passed her stomach, John touched it reverently, shocked by the change. Elizabeth recoiled slightly, but she forgave him with a kiss.

"This okay?" he asked as he settled his head onto her thighs. "Doesn't hurt?"

Running her hands through his hair always made her smile. "Might even be worth it if it did," Elizabeth mused as she reached back to touch her daughter. The baby was still asleep on the seat of the chair. "Thank you for this."

He sighed, barely awake, and she realized how much effort he'd expended. His hair was still damp with sweat and he was falling asleep on her lap faster than she thought possible. He'd held her up, dragged her against the wall when she couldn't stand. How would it have been without him? Would she still be in labor without his help? Her memory of it was already fading. She couldn't remember much more than his presence and the way he'd been the only thing in the room.

"Give me a little bit," she whispered softly as she trailed her hand down his neck. "Then we'll talk about a Carson. Maybe another girl--" Running her hand back to his neck, Elizabeth listened to his breathing and the quieter miracle of their daughter whimpering behind her. "You're a good man, John. I'm not quite sure I deserve you, but you're a good man."

break

Sam took the syringe from Simon's hand and filled it. It was almost clear, completely innocent in the plastic.

"Be careful," Simon warned as he hit her arm to make the vein appear. "We've been trying to reuse the syringes. Have to keep them sharp."

Simon didn't mention that she could be killing herself and Sam was grateful. He had the same look Janet had sometimes. The one that knew better but he kept silent. "Not many left?" Sam asked as she stabbed the needle into her own arm. There was something comforting in the pain. Pain was always real.

"We're not really set up to make more," Simon explained shrugging. "Is Elizabeth...?"

Sam's vision flashed white. She'd expected more time. Her lips moved but she wasn't sure she could feel them. "She's fine," her voice echoed inside her head. Was she sitting down? Simon was talking. Daniel was talking. Someone was touching her arm but something was exploding in her head.

Was she screaming?

* * *

Simon only had enough time to watch Sam's vital signs fall into chaos. Her heart stopped as her brain waves shot through the red line. He moved towards her slowly, as if the air had gelled around him. He took one step before the white wave slammed into him.

Daniel saw Simon drop like a stone and only had the time to reach for Vala before it hit him.

Vala wasn't watching. She knew Sam's pain, understood what it was like to have something within her turn against her. She felt Daniel's fingers latch onto hers before the light hit her.

Rodney lifted his hands from the console as if it had suddenly become too hot to touch. Light poured from the city, blinding him and everyone else in the control room.

Jack closed his eyes and felt it wash over him like a wave of warm water. Unlike Rodney, he'd seem enough strangeness to know when to give in.

John jolted in his sleep, startling Elizabeth as she as reached for the baby. Hanna screamed once, wailing her frustration at the indignity in her head. Elizabeth held her daughter against her chest and hushed her as she felt John relax back into sleep. If John was still sleeping, she knew it was all right.

Evan Lorne watched as the marines went unconscious one at a time. Falling like dead wood as the light cut through the walls and invaded the barracks. For some reason he smelled grass.

Zelenka had his head in a control panel and only felt the warmth a moment before it took him.

Teyla held Ronon's hand and kept him separate. The light washed over them and through them as if it were part of their souls. She opened her mind and let it in to feed on her strength. Teyla fed the blaze of light like an infusion of pure energy. What had been a glow became all encompassing. Ronon felt her soul in the air. Tasted the moisture of her lips in the air as it filled his lungs.

Everything she had taken, Teyla returned. She pulsed with energy and it poured from her into the city. The souls of worlds, Carson, Mab, the Genii, Michael: everything she had consumed had a place. Energy continued; souls went on after death. Ronon stood at her side and watched as life became otherworldly.

He opened his mind and saw what other's saw. Ronon felt Elizabeth's adoration for her daughter and her deep love for John. He shared Jack's patience acceptance that strangeness passed, and if it didn't, he'd had a good life. John just wanted to sleep because tomorrow was another day where he'd have to drag himself to his feet and keep fighting. That was the way John loved; his passion let him sleep when he could so he could stand when he was needed. He felt Sam's gut-wrenching sorrow and the knot of hope that kept her from darkness. Ronon touched Simon's regrets and Rodney's frustration.

In the center of it all, he shared Teyla's gift. Her insanity, her incredible power, and everything that made her the source of what was to come. She was the new world. The goddess who wiped away the old and made way for new growth. The fire that destroyed dying trees and left hopeful ashes.

Atlantis would grow. Atlantis would shine and hang in the sky as a beacon of hope. The city of light would be salvation for all who looked to the heavens for the answers.

Ronon felt the tugging at his soul. The needs of all the souls of Atlantis and the incredible amount of energy those bodies required. He could give in, let go and become part of the maelstrom. He would be in everyone, in the bones of his people and the beams of the city.

Teyla's mind pushed him back, gently like a mother, reminding him he had a different place. She was still standing. Still shining like she'd fallen from heaven. The Wraith were with her, adding their strength as she took what the Ori had corrupted and made it new.

Worlds went in circles. Fire made new lands and old ones fell into the oceans. Stars exploded and dust became new light for new worlds. All continued through darkness and hope, birth and blood led the way.

His eyes were stinging. Ronon raised his hand and looked at the single droplet of water he'd pulled from his cheek. In Teyla's light, it glowed like a star.

* * *

Jack balanced the baby in a practiced arm and lowered his hand for Elizabeth. "Just slip his head out, let him wake up slow," he advised as he grinned at her. "Just couldn't wait for my day could you?"

"What?" Elizabeth asked as she bit her lip.

He watched her manage to smile and knew the pain would fade. "I'd had good money on the fourteenth," Jack teased as he stared in proudly at the bundle in John's jacket. "You okay?"

"Hurt like hell," Elizabeth offered gruffly as she wondered if stretching would hurt more than she thought. "She's worth it."

"How old?" Jack asked as he steadied her back. "Three hours?"

"Three and a half," Elizabeth sighed and clung to his arm. "This is really happening, isn't it?"

"Yup," Jack replied as he lifted her chin. Her eyes were clear above the dark cirlces of exhaustion. "You look okay," he decided professionally. When he pulled her closer, Elizabeth almost retreated. He kissed her lips, quick, like a gentle brother. "You did great."

Fighting tears again, Elizabeth heard John start to stir at her feet. Mouthing her thanks to Jack, she made herself smile. "John did most of the hard parts," she insisted as John slowly dragged himself to his feet.

"I'm going to have the scars to prove it," he teased yawning into his hand and shaking is head. "How we doing?"

"The city released the lockdown after the surge," Jack explained as he slapped John's shoulder. "She's going to be lovely, kid."

John chuckled and shook his head, still shell shocked by his experience. Elizabeth slipped herself under his arm and let him think he was supporting her. "What was the surge?"

"Something fucking insane that Simon and my idiot, genius, wife cooked up," Jack complained with gruff appreciation. "They tried to explain it. McKay tried to explain it. That Keller tried to explain it..." Jack touched Hanna's tiny fist and started leading them to the transporter. "Everyone's got the gene now."

Elizabeth's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Everyone?"

"We lost a few," Jack admitted as he waved to open the transporter. "Forty-two, something about the virus. They went quiet."

Elizabeth's face went to stone and the arm John had around her shoulders was suddenly very necessary. "What happened?"

"Teyla," Jack raised his hand and just shook his head instead of explaining. "She says they were drawn in. That she tried to stop it, but sometimes being part of many is better than being alone."

"Teyla's here?" John demanded as they stepped from the transporter into the control room. "Is she all right?"

"Well, she was here," Jack led them towards an arguing mass of Rodney, Sam, Simon, Daniel and Radek. Vala brandished her sidearm at the general as soon as she saw him.

"Never leave me with this again," she growled as she tapped his chest with the barrel of her gun. "They aren't even listening to each other anymore. They're just seeing who can yell the longest without taking a breath."

Jack covered Hanna's tiny head with his hand. "Campers!" he bellowed towards the crowd. "Shut the hell up," he snapped in his most decisive tone. " Take a look at what these two decided to do while we were trying to fix the city."

"How much time until we reach the Asuran fleet?" she asked softly.

John turned into Elizabeth when she kissed his neck. "Not nearly enough to sleep," John complained as he watched his daughter meet her new family. "What do you think she's thinking?"

"That she'd rather sleep," Elizabeth murmured and held him closer as she watched Rodney's face light with terror as Jack suggested he hold the baby.

"When's the briefing?" John asked through another yawn as he buried his face in her hair.

"Oh-eight hundred," Elizabeth answered immediately as he groaned and shook his head.

"Some women take the day off when they have a baby," John reminded her as he dropped into a chair like dead wood.

"There are a lot of confused people out there," Elizabeth reminded him reaching for his hands and smiling patiently. "And in here. Teyla's given us an incredible gift and the city's already changing. Rodney just told Sam that there are hundreds of new systems coming online."

"How do you hear that?" John asked in surprise as he shook himself out of sleep. "They're all talking at once," he groaned and tried not yawn again.

"There's a reason I was so good at the UN," Elizabeth teased and ran a hand over the control panel. "It's like we've finally made the city home. Years of living here, and she's finally decided to let us stay."

He yanked her arms until her head was low enough for him to kiss her. Though she was laughing at his laziness, Elizabeth's lips melted into his. "Go, find out what Teyla's up to, listen to Rodney--"

She kissed his forehead and then lifted his chin to kiss him again. "You'll take her back to our quarters?"

"We'll be there," John stood slowly and yawned into his hand. "Just as soon as I get her away from the general." Elizabeth's fingers stayed on his arm and he looked down at her hand before he stared into her eyes. Behind her exhaustion, they were shining.

"You and me," he began sheepishly starting to blush. "Works pretty good, doesn't it?"

Elizabeth's shoulders shook with amusement as she nodded. Her chest was too tight and if she wasn't careful, she'd be crying in a moment. "I think we do all right, John."

He kissed her and wrapped her up in arms that she'd always be able to count on. "See you at home," John promised as he let go.

Elizabeth watched him removed their daughter from Jack's arms and the hands that patted his back. Hanna would sleep for her father. She'd grow in his shadow and learn to be as honorable and honest as the man who loved her. Dropping her hand to her still aching body, Elizabeth sighed. She'd heal and her body would return to normal but she already missed Hanna's presence within her.

Maybe a few more wouldn't be so bad.

"Elizabeth," Rodney started enthusiastically. "We need to set up the science teams to study our new systems. Maybe even pull volunteers from the civilians..." he stopped suddenly and his face split into a childish grin. "You're a mom now."

She laughed and felt her chest burst with emotion. "Yeah," she murmured in thanks. "Thank you."

"You'll be great," Rodney offered sincerely. He even just grinned at her for a moment before he lifted his computer. "Now...I think we should start--"

* * *

--fin--

Thank you for being here with me! Your comments and your support (even if you said nothing, thanks for reading!) has meant the world to me.


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